Mukidashite: Bare (Your Teeth)
by akaicchi
Summary: Set about five years after Persona 4. Adachi is getting out of jail and everyone processes things at their own pace. Or not at all. Alternating POV. Three arcs so far— Okaeri: Adachi released from prison. Oretachi: Adachi and Dojima figure things out. A new threat appears. Watakushi: Three chapter prologue before Okaeri. Then everyone confronts another shadow.
1. A Game of Telephone (Okaeri)

Chapter One: A Game of Telephone

(Nanako)

"Big Bro," I whispered over the phone line.

"Yeah?" I hear his reply. "What is it Nanako-chan? Why the whispers?"

"Mmh." I kick into my shoes and head out the door, so happy to have gotten a cell phone last year. "Okay," I tell him more loudly. "I'm out of the house now, heading to the riverbank. I needed to talk to you." I chew my lip, considering how to break this next part to him.

He waits silently for me to go on.

I sigh. _I need to say it aloud to someone._ "It's finally happening. Dad got Adachi-san's sentence commuted to house arrest."

He's shocked into silence. He and the others never thought that Dad would get this far. The others visited Adachi once or twice but found closure and moved on, happy he was locked away.

Here's the part he'll really hate. "And you know it's going to be our house, right? Dad really never gave up."

"...Oh." I can hear that Yuu-kun's processing my words, wrestling with assuring me it's going to be okay, but needing to dive right into questions.

"Just ask," I shake my head.

I hear a short grunt of relief from him as the same old story spills from his lips. "It's been five years now, and you still can't remember? He was really always nice to you? I couldn't stand him. Last time I went to the prison, Adachi was as bad as usual. Have you—" He breaks off, probably worried how I'll feel. "Have you been with your dad to the prison?"

 _I guess I'll start from the beginning…_

"No I don't remember, and I liked it when he came over and played with me. I never noticed anything was wrong." I can't recall any of it. Just blurry memories of dinners with Dad, Yuu-kun, and Adachi. "Then Teddie kept asking questions about jail, and I started questioning where Adachi-san went and why all of you didn't like him."

I tuck my hair behind my ear, filling in the usual answers. It _has_ been so long, and since my literal kidnapper wasn't anyone I even knew, I've been soft on the man I do remember.

"It's because I only have the good memories," I conclude aloud. I stare at the river, stepping closer to watch the fish darting beneath the water's surface. "And you know how Dad's been through all of this. He took such a short time to process it, the details don't seem to matter to him."

"Yes," Yuu-kun agrees. "It seems Uncle thinks he can 'fix' him. That's part of what worries me."

"And I have been a few times. Adachi looks terrible. He's skinny like a skeleton and much quieter."

 _Then there was the thing—_

 _The thing I can't explain..._

 _How I fixed his broken finger._

I push the incident out of my mind, instead mentioning Adachi's smile. "He can't smile. He tried a few times, but it looked empty and sad. It wasn't like the easy, friendly ones he used to have so many of." Adachi had said a few quick words and then kept on smiling while he listened, hunched over in his chair. I could feel him looking at me through his long bangs, but couldn't see his eyes.

"I don't think the medications are right. Dad's only let me go recently, since the latest change, and he doesn't seem like himself at all." I can feel tears coming. I had never seen anyone who looked so broken before. "I expected it to be different, but not as much."

"I'm sorry, Nanako," Yuu-kun worries. "I thought he'd be out of our lives by now. He's not right..."

"Why can't the old him come back?" I could feel myself whine that part out.

"He... He has problems. Adachi's..." Yuu-kun hesitates again. "He isn't how you remember him." Big Bro finished college. Now he's working to become a doctor. After all the people he helped in Inaba, and watching the change in Adachi, he's been compelled to help more people in a visible way _. I'm really proud of him._

"Can that be fixed?"

"...And he's always seemed sociopathic to me..." Yuu-kun mumbles this part more to himself. "If they've been treating his problems, it could be okay. It's not something you 'fix', though. It's more that you learn to live with it properly. It's a possibility." I can tell Big Bro is trying to convince himself more than me. "There's a continuing treatment plan, right?"

I pace around, trying to remember the details. "Dad came home with a lot of packets; I think one is about that. He told me that doctors would come over and he would make sure Adachi takes all his pills." I consider keeping the second part to myself, but I'm sure Big Bro will find out anyways.

"Were also supposed to start out acting really calm around him. We're not supposed to do anything that'll make him feel panicky or excited. That's when he has outbursts."

Yuu-kun chews it all over in a minute of silence. "When's he being released?"

"At the end of the month—The last Friday." I check my watch: a little over a week.

I can hear Yuu-kun rummaging around for his planner. "You want me to come down? I could at least stay for the weekend. I'm sure I could get Yukiko to save me a room."

That would be a relief. "Yes," I answer him confidently. "That'd be nice." I can feel his warm smile through the phone as we say our goodbyes.

 **#**

It's the end of the week now, and I know Dad took the long trip to the prison after work. I told him I would come, but he said I didn't have to. He keeps saying he's asking enough already, that he doesn't want to drag me away from my free time and friends.

Walking back to our house through town, I notice Kanji is keeping the shop open late again. Kanji still stops by and hangs out with us often. I stayed closest with him and Teddie because they were always around. They didn't go to college— _Teddie_ never went to school at all.

Teddie started living with Kanji and his mom when Yosuke went off to college. I think he's happier now. Kanji always praises his effort and Tatsumi-sama seems to adore the strange bear-boy. I don't really understand where he came from, but it doesn't matter as long as he's here.

Rise and her friends call me every few weeks. I like talking to them, too. They're really busy but I appreciate how they always make time. And Yukiko stops by with food. Her cooking's gotten really good over the years.

Naoto, Chie, and Yosuke all live away now, but Big Bro likes to get everyone together once a year. They're all so happy to see each other. Last I heard, they're still in Tokyo.

I walk up to the old style door of Tatsumi Textiles and call out as I push it open.

"Nana-chan!" Teddie chirps as he skips over, carrying a messy-looking shirt. "Look what I finished today! I can put it on this time!"

Kanji trudges out of the back room after him, shaking his head. "It ain't great, but at least he didn't keep tangling the thread into knots this time. I hate fixing that old machine!"

I smile widely at Teddie's latest project, happy to see him enjoying learning. "It looks great!"

"I know~!" Teddie shrieks, twirling around and bounding off to show Tatsumi-sama.

"So what's up Nanako?" Kanji asks, plopping down at the work table and motioning for me to join him. He pours us some iced tea and waits to see if I have anything on my mind. _Ever since Kanji started accepting himself better, he's been a lot more relaxed. It's nice; it makes him easy to talk to._

I sip the cool tea and wish that Kanji would spring for an air conditioner this year. I don't know how he can handle physical work in the summer heat.

After I've drained the glass, I slide it towards him for seconds and start to work my way around explaining Adachi's release. "Have you talked to Big Bro lately?" I ask, crossing my fingers that Yuu-kun already broached the topic.

"No," Kanji shakes his head. "Why? He do something cool?"

Of course he doesn't know, I lament. He would've been banging our door down till Dad reconsidered. He'll probably be livid.

I shake my head. "It's about Adachi-san."

"Yeah?" Kanji snorts. "What'd that prick do now? Did someone finally get him?" Kanji mimes strangling. I wince and shrug, telling him no. "He has to be messing with people. We know he gets off on being manipulative..."

Kanji's voice fades away for a moment as I think back. "Oddly enough, I've heard no one's messed with Adachi. You'd think someone so skinny—and Dad says ex-cops have it worse—would've taken a few beatings, but nothing," I tell him. He's still going on, though. I guess it's out with it.

"It's about the commutation," I spit out.

"...I still think he killed that guy they found in the toilets from his block back in—" Kanji stops suddenly. "Wait, _what_? Why would they do that? That can't be right." He shakes his head, lost.

"It was Dad," I sigh. "I didn't tell you before because Big Bro said you'd get really angry, but he used some of Adachi-san's money to hire a lawyer to work on getting him out quicker."

Kanji brings his fist down hard, shaking the heavy table. "When?!" he breathes.

"Um," I reply, unsure which question to answer. "This was a couple years ago, and he's getting released in about a week."

Kanji's face glows red. "A week?! And you're telling me now? Aurgh!" he howls, banging the table a few more times. I shift in my seat, waiting until he calms down again.

When he seems receptive to talking, I drop the truth I didn't want to tell Yuu-kun. "I don't know how I should feel about this."

" _Angry!_ " Kanji yells.

I roll my eyes. "You know all I can remember is him being nice to me." Kanji grunts and nods. "And Dad's so... Happy? I think it's happy. Not quite excited, but he seems better. Just let me sort my feelings. I think it'll be fine, really."

Kanji's already jumping subjects though, leaning back and tipping his chair to listen for the others. After a beat of nothing, confirming them to be somewhere in the attached house and out of earshot, Kanji confides in me his own secret. "I'm not surprised," he admits and immediately gulps some tea to bide for time. I stare expectantly while he fidgets. "I always got the feeling they were into each other."

"You're not the first one to tell me that. Don't worry," I reassure him. "I don't care about that. I don't know—I just liked having more people around." It was especially lonely right after Big Bro left. That's when Kanji became our new go-to friend.

Kanji waits while I gather the different strings of memory together. "Adachi-san sure was around a lot. He'd help me cook on weekends for a while. I liked that."

I stare out he window at the people walking home or picking up dinner. "He's so different now."

"Well _yeah_ ," Kanji blurts. "Now he's a murderer."

I grip my glass and bite back the catch in my throat. "He doesn't look good. I told Bro—He's so skinny, like he doesn't eat. His hair's all floppy in front of his face. And he's quiet and still...! I feel like he's not really looking at me. He talks, but he's just not himself."

 _Oh, I can feel the tears coming— I can't stop talking—_

"Last time, they put us all at a table—on different sides. Dad was so animated and I could tell he was trying to act happy so me and Adachi-san felt more comfortable, but it only made it so much more obvious that Adachi is missing pieces of himself. When Dad clapped him on the shoulder on our way out, I was worried his arm would fall off or something—and I just don't know!" The last part was punctuated with a crack in my voice.

Tears are sliding down my face. "I'm worried a broken Adachi will be worse than starting over with no Adachi, even if it means Dad's so sad again." When I look up from my hands, I see Kanji kneeling next to me now. He silently rubs my back, letting me have my tantrum. "It's so selfish of me."

"No!" he barks, sounding really sure. Then tries again more gently. "Ah— _no_. It's not. It's your opinion and it matters. You've always been mature." He stands back up and rests on the wall. "You probably have the more level head, between you and your dad, y'know."

I lean over and hug Kanji. Everybody always used to act like he was dangerous, but Big Bro helped bring out his kind side. "I'm glad I got to talk to you," I whisper.

"Yeah, yeah," he shifts, patting my back. "Come and see my mom, it'll make you feel better. You can always come talk to us." Kanji places a guiding hand on my back, shuffling me into the main house with Tatsumi-sama, Teddie, laughter, and life.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/10/17


	2. Good Cop - Bad Cop (Okaeri)

Chapter Two: Good Cop/Bad Cop

(Tohru)

Dojima's here again. He told me over the phone I'm getting out. My lips twitch into a grin that I try to suppress. _Need to look 'better'._

We're sitting at a small table in a room full of people again. _Can't he get them to let us go somewhere quieter? I wish their useless voices would shut up so I could hear the details better._

Dojima's going on about the ankle bracelet now. _Boring. I'll just get it off._ I glance down: my shoes barely tie shut. There's no way they make one small enough. Which reminds me that I need to keep more food down. It's a plus, looking defenseless and aggravating the people who think they're in charge, but I need more energy.

I look up through my messy hair at Dojima. He keeps folding and unfolding his hands, like he can't talk if they're too still. _He'll get upset if I reach out._

So I do. I place one of my thin hands over his when he starts to unfold them again.

"...Adachi." He looks sad. Dojima's been so lenient since he started coming here. I usually can't irritate him, which irritates _me_. "You need to take your hand back. We should look professional," he says in that tired voice. So I squeeze his hand instead.

I can see Dojima holding back a frown. _Just yell at me like you used to._ He takes my hand and puts it back on my side of the table, like I'm some kind of child. "You're coming home with me. It'll be alright."

 _I didn't need comfort, idiot._

He smiles tentatively. I push more. I put my hand back and won't let go this time. I can tell my eyes are staring too much. All the other useless people can tell my eyes are laughing at them. _Why can't he?_

"One of the other murderers told me I have crazy eyes. I told him the voices appreciate the compliment. Then I threatened him with ghosts. Fucking idiot almost pissed himself."

 _Why don't my eyes scare him?_

Dojima's going red, still trying to pry me off. I saw him wince when I said _'other murderers'_. He has to be pretending everything's fine; because it can't be. _I won't blend in again._

" _Adachi—_ " I start squeezing his hand. "Jeez that hurts!" He didn't know how strong I was. If he's really fine with the way I am, then I'll show him what he's been missing.

"You know I'm not sorry." I hear it come out of me as a hiss.

"Yes, I know—" Dojima. _Placating._

"You can't still want me."

Dojima's eyeing the guard in the other side of the room. He's starting to panic. "Yes, I do. Now move your hand, please." _What the fuck? I got a 'please'?!_

"Yell at me." I glare at Dojima, staring him down.

"No," he snaps. "You need to get off."

I smirk.

"I can't." Dojima grits his teeth. He's sweating. " _Feel my fingers_ , Adachi."

"Call me Tohru, fuckup," I demand.

"Tohru—" He gasps.

I unclamp immediately. "What, am I in charge now?" I lean forward over the table, pressing my luck with the guards.

"Read the papers." Dojima shoves the folder across the table. At least he looks hurt. Not as good as angry, but I guess that's what separates us in here from them out there.

"I know," I roll my eyes. I count off the conditions in singsong. "I can't leave the property unless I get the tracker off, I can't drink, I get the extra room, and I can't talk to Nanako about the kidnapping. Not even apologize." I look down. _Do I look like it bothers me?_

"I thought you 'weren't sorry'," Dojima challenges me, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm not sorry about the murders. I'm not sorry about the chaos. I'm not sorry about lying. I'm not sorry about tricking Namatame. I'm only—" and I emphasize that word stretching is out. " _Only_ sorry that Nanako got involved."

 _He didn't catch that part about the bracelet._

Dojima rolls his own eyes and checks his watch. "Bring it up with one of the therapists. I don't have time for this. You really want to spend the whole visit arguing." _It's not a question._

I widen my eyes, lean back; really put on a show. "What else do we even do?"

He won't meet my eyes again. He's trying not to think about it. I can feel another smile creeping. _What a day!_

He sees the smile. " _Adachi._ " Warning.

"Well what else do we do?" I give a showy shrug, sitting up straighter. Our relationship wasn't really a relationship until we had to do all this talking. I thought it'd be more fun with him around. _I love winding him up till he loses his temper. That's a turn-on._

"Adachi I will go home this time if you put me through another scene like that. I _work_ with some of these people!"

 _So did I._ "Hmm," I start. "The last time was at the hospital before I told you I was the killer. And since then it's been..." I start ticking off months on my fingers.

"Five years!" Dojima breaks in. I throw my fingers all in the air, about to tell him he wins the prize, but he rushes on. "We just have to get along and not kill each other for five years."

 _Oh. For the new sentence._

"I wouldn't kill you." _Shit. I think I mean that._

" _Charming._ " He just keeps his You're-an-Idiot-Adachi face plastered on. I do like that one. I lean over my half of the table, hoping I loom. He thinks I forgot about riling him up.

He pushes my face away. "One. More. Week. Of this. _Behave_ for one week!"

"And you think you like the real me," I leer.

" _Shut up, Adachi!_ "

 _And I win!_

Dojima slaps one of his large hands against his forehead, exasperated.

The buzzer goes off. All the plebs have to leave now, while the rest of us get herded back to the cages. After a long, quiet look at me, Dojima rises, wordless, to head towards the door. I point to a guy two tables over. "Even the rapist gets a hug!" _Glares. Lots of 'em._

Dojima looks troubled. You can see it in the way his eyebrows practically touch and he's trying to keep his mouth shut. He says I shouldn't mess with the other prisoners. He turns around and walks away.

"Love yah, sexy!" I holler to be heard over the noise. I swear the room stops. Okay, maybe I haven't gone that far before. I get sick of all these scary, scary men trying to act like the straightest bunch. As a bonus, you can hear Dojima's heart getting ready to explode, the vein about to burst out of his forehead. He doesn't look back. When he's out the door, I hear the rapist call me a faggot. I can feel my mouth curling into another smirk.

 _At least now I know who's next._ I tilt my head exaggeratedly. "You catch that?" I loudly ask the ceiling. My 'neighbors' won't even look at me, but morons from the other blocks aren't afraid of me. _Unfortunate for them._

I love a show. And it's not really a ghost.

 _It's something worse._

 **#**

Back in my cell, I dig the mess of papers out of my pants. Few places people won't go, and no one's happy I get to leave. _Jealous._

Never thought I'd like somewhere less than Inaba.

Never thought I'd like Inaba—Period.

But if I could go back to the better days, I could maybe be okay.

Me, Dojima, Nanako.

Me, Ryoutarou, Nanako.

Me, Ryou...

 _Deep breaths._

 _I can do this._

By the time I realize I've crumpled the papers, well, it's done. I unclench my fists and smooth them out on my bed.

Rules.

Schedules.

A list of things that didn't sell— _Who wants to buy the murderer's bed? Couch? Refrigerator?_ I can just picture Dojima having a yard sale and no one stopping.

Copies of the stuff I have to sign so I can not-read them.

A letter with the niceties I won't let him say.

I try not to read them. I'm not worth it.

But I stick the letter under the mattress and shove the rest of the papers behind the television. They'll all get taken, what's it matter?

 _Do I hope no one or everyone knows that I'm back?_

Why do I care?

 **#**

"Come drink at my apartment. I bought beer!" That was all it ever took to get Dojima to come over. _God he was sad back then._ Either working or obsessing over the accident.

Seeing the mess his memories made of his life... I could give him something _better_ to obsess over.

Liquor meant lapses in judgment. Liquor gave me an opportunity to be more of myself while blaming it on being drunk. Liquor gave Dojima something to blame his over-affectionate side on.

 _I needed someone to pay attention to me._

 _Yell at me. Rough me up. Crush me so I forget how awful this world is. I always return the favor threefold._

 **#**

The TVs here are all small, but now so am I. After lights out I claw my way inside.

It's pathetic but the only room I could think to conjure was the Dojimas' living room.

 _Nights aren't so bad._

* * *

Note: Re-Edited 5/29/17


	3. Runaway Train (Okaeri)

Chapter Three: Runaway Train

(Kanji)

 _I'm restless._

I've been delivering orders all day, which is good busywork, but I still can't keep my mind off the Dojimas.

 _I should've brought Teddie along._

He's good at talking me down, and I'm itching to drive over to the police station. Talk to Ojisan. Get it over with.

 _He and Nanako don't really talk to each other. They never did until whatever problem exploded. Trying to get them to open up to each other would be a real battle of the wills..._

I have time to pick up lunch before Ted and Ma expect me back. I could go over to the station and be back to the store in no time.

Making up my mind, I climb into my SUV and motor to the police station. Nothing's really out of the way in a town like Inaba. It's what I've always both loved and hated at the same time.

I park in the small visitor lot and walk up to the door. It's weird going to the police station of my own accord; instead of how I used to get dragged in. It's kind of uncomfortable.

I open the door and step up to the front desk. "Hi, my name is—" I start, but the receptionist cuts me off.

"Kanji, we all know you," she laughs.

I scratch the back of my head and laugh a little too high. "Y-yeah. I used to cause some trouble. Sorry 'bout that."

She shrugs like it's never been an issue. "So what can we do for you?"

"Is Dojima-san around?" I ask, trying to peek down to his office.

She shakes her head. "Not right now, but I can take a message if you'd like, she trails off, brandishing a pen and notepad.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah that sounds good." I nod eagerly, a little thrown off that he's not actually in after I got myself all fired up to confront him.

She writes my name and asks what my drop-in is concerning. "Oh." I pause. "P-personal business," I tell her. "Is that okay?"

"Sure," she says, finishing up the memo and tossing it into his mailbox. "What's going on with him these days?" The older lady inquires. "He doesn't talk much and everyone's been worried since _'you know who'_ went to jail... He never swung back to normal, especially since— _you know_." I struggle not to roll my eyes at the air quotes and the gossipy way she's fishing.

I inwardly grown, keeping my smile plastered on so the people here keep me in the loop.

 _This always happens._

People, especially at the station, act like it's taboo to even mention Adachi's name. "Ye—Yeah," I bite off. "I know everyone's been worried. And it's been a few years, too." I shuffle my feet. I'm not good at digging for information.

 _—But then a light bulb goes off. I can feel that part of my brain light up._

 _...They don't know, do they?_

"Any news?" I try to casually slip in, testing the waters.

"I haven't heard anything since that one fight."

 _What?_ "Fight? When was that? I heard he's," I wave my hand around. "You know—behaved."

"Oh," she thinks, trying to remember _this_ piece of juicy gossip. "Right at the beginning, I believe. It never got reported in he papers, but these things usually don't." She rests her chin on her hands, pretending to sound sad.

"What exactly happened?" I press. _This is news. Nanako doesn't know this, at least._

She says it so plainly, as if it happened to someone she never knew; someone she didn't eat lunch with or get coffee from. "Beaten and abused by some guards." I feel my eyebrows narrowing and I try to relax my face. She glances around. I feel myself wince. No wonder Dojima was so intent on breaking him out. "And here's the weird part. It didn't get broken up or anything, but the guards stopped on their own—All just walked away."

I nod. _That is weird._ I thank the receptionist and head back outside.

My mind still turning over what I heard, I realize things aren't lining up.

1) Nanako said there were no incidents.

2) There was one bad incident.

3) After that, it's been at least four more years and not one more?

I still think Toilet Man could be a victim. It's the fact that he was sliced and then drowned. It sounds like torture. And we know who likes to torture his enemies.

Back in my car, I take out my phone and call Yukiko-chan. It rings a few times and then I get a sleepy response.

"What?" I hear.

"Yuki-Chan! Sleeping in the job?" I joke. There's silence. "Oi! D-don't go back to sleep! I need to talk to you."

I hear her bring the phone back to her ear. "What is it, Kanji-kun?" She asks. "I haven't heard from you since our order a while back."

"I don't know where to start... Have you talked to Nanako or Yuu-kun lately? I know you stop by Nanako's sometimes." I ask, bringing my car around the station to head back to the shop.

"No... Not in a few weeks. Is everything okay?" Yukiko sounds a little concerned and a bit more awake.

"Yeah." I nod even though she can't see me. "For now at least. But they're letting Adachi out in a week—"

I can't finish before she interrupts. "Oh no! That's terrible. What are we going to do?"

"If you'd let me finish," I grunt, "It gets a little worse. It's not out-out. They're community his sentence. He'll be under house arrest and living with the Dojimas."

"SNERK!" Yuki-chan's started one of her laughing fits. _I don't have time for this._

"Hey be serious! What's so funny?"

"It's _'commuting'_ , Kanji-kun," she replies. "Not 'community'."

"Well at least someone can laugh," I retort, feeling my face getting hot again. Everyone said I would grow out of this; I hate feeling myself get embarrassed. Makes it worse.

Yukiko-chan huffs loudly into the phone and I have to yank it away from my ear. "I don't like it."

"Tell me something I don't know!" I hesitate. "I could be wrong, but I think there's still something up with Adachi. Nanako says he doesn't seem right—Not that that nutbag was ever right—And I heard of a few incidents. I wanna make sure he's just human-monster-Adachi and not shadow-monster-Adachi."

"What do you mean, Kanji-kun? Do you think he still has something left of his power?"

I itch at my neck again. "Maybe. I just think we should look into it. Nanako didn't ask me to do anything specific, but I'd feel better knowing what kind of shape he was coming back here in."

"Oh!" Yuki-chan interjects. "Yuu-kun's coming. In maybe a week! He booked a room."

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Nnh. Now I get it. That's when Adachi gets out, isn't it?"

"I'm willing to bet—Oh!" I slam on he brakes, thanking whatever god is listening there's no one behind me. "I see Dojima coming out of the bakery. Gotta go!"

I hang up before she can reply.

Slowing down by the side of the road near Dojima, I roll down the window. " _Oi!_ Ojisan!" I holler.

Dojima turns his head, sees me, and waits for me to pull forward. I put the car in park next to him, forming a plan. "I got kettlebells recently. How about I bring them over tomorrow. You off this Sunday?" _You never know with a cop if they're gonna get pulled in for patrol._

He leans in the window to blow smoke in my face. "What the hell is that?"

"Gross!" I fan it away, coughing. "Some kinda European weight. They're popular. I see them online a lot and wanted to try it. We haven't worked out together in a while."

Dojima nods thoughtfully. "Sure. Stay and have breakfast with us after. I could stand to try something new."

 **#**

I started working out with Dojima so he had something to do. It didn't change my routine to add a person, and it was lonely after Yuu-kun left. It's also how I confirmed my hunch about Adachi.

So there we were: the summer after everything played out, in Dojima's converted basement in the middle of a friggin heat wave and using the weight bench. I was counting off and wondering if you could get heatstroke indoors.

Dojima was looking at me so seriously, so I waved my hands in front of his face. "You paying attention, dammit?"

"Yes," he nodded immediately. _Yeah right._

"If you have a question, spit it out," I grumbled.

Still deadpan, he opened his mouth, then closed it and reached for water.

"Yes or no?" I sighed.

" _Okay._ " He thumped the bottle back down. "Do you have trouble telling men how you feel about them when other people could be listening?"

"What the hell?!" I lost it and kicked the weight bench. " _I'm not gay!_ "

Eyes looking more unsure, Dojima just pointed towards the back of the house. "I saw you in the back yard, confessing to the Junes boy last year."

"Eww, no! Gross! That was Yuu-kun!" I howled.

He smirked. "My mistake."

 _Liar. And then I was caught._

I kicked the expensive weight bench again for good measure. "Look, it's hard telling anybody how you feel when there are other people around, dammit." He grabbed for his water again, looking thoughtful. "I like women, too." I added, still agitated about my own shadow. "Not just men."

Dojima shook his heard, really hard, flicking sweat all over. I threw one of the towels at him. "Don't get uptight. I don't care about any of that."

 _Yeah, just didn't wanna go out on a limb and be the only one? Nice. Thanks..._

"Here's a tip." He looked up at me so innocently I had to make a joke. "Get a haircut before you go back to work, Ojisan, you look like a gangster."

"Am I really at 'ojisan age' already?"

He just rolled his eyes and went back to the bench to do his next set. This was as close to a real conversation as we'd ever gotten. The obvious quesiton would probably ruin it, I worried, but tried, anyhow. "So, uh, does that mean before you start work again, are you gonna go up to, uhm, the Tokyo area?"

Not looking at me: "I didn't ask for a particular reason."

 _Of course not. Because you haven't always been so obvious._

I wiped my forehead and sighed. Then went back to counting his reps aloud.

* * *

Note: Re-Edited 5/29/17


	4. Love Will Tear Us Apart (Okaeri)

Chapter Four: Love Will Tear Us Apart

(Ryoutarou)

I stub out my cigarette as I watch Kanji drive away.

 _I like that kid more and more as he matures. He was such a pain in the ass when he was younger, but he's been real good to Nanako and me._

After Adachi got put away and Yuu moved out, I needed something to do with all the free time.—Something to take my mind off things. Kanji suggested I try working out again. I hadn't lifted weights since I was much younger, but being fit can't hurt in my line of work.

During his senior year, Kanji came over every day before school and we got a routine going. Jogging or biking, with weights and stretching. He's much more patient than I had expected. And he's a good teacher when he's knowledgeable; it makes him more confident.

After he graduated, though, he said he needed mornings to himself to take care of whatever needed doing. He's more or less in charge of the textile shop, meting out smaller jobs to his mom and Teddie. Nanako's there a lot, but he and I only catch up these days when he wants to show off some new fad. Last year he was into crossfit. I can feel myself laughing at the memory— _That sure didn't last!_

I stub out my cigarette against the sole of my shoe and keep walking in the direction of the station. I've only got a few hours before I can take off. Things have been easier at work since I cut back my hours. I like spending the extra time with Nanako, and then there're my visits up to the prison.

Things are changing again. I think it's for the better, but I never seem to know what I'm getting myself into. I clear my head as I tug open the back door to the Inaba branch. _As long as Nanako's okay with Adachi living with us, I'm not afraid to do what I want anymore._

I make a beeline for the break room: coffee. The Chief must have seen me walk past his office because he calls for me to bring my coffee in there. I groan.

 _This has to be about Yamamura..._

"Chief," I grunt, sitting across from him.

He sighs and motions for me to tip the door shut. I kick it closed behind myself.

"Dojima," he stares me down.

"Sakamoto," I mimic. We were both transferred here the same year. I used to know him better before—

 _Well, before everything._

He slides a paper to my side of the desk. This is my request for a week off.

 _Dammit_.

"So where are we off to?" Sakamoto asks brightening. "Taking a trip?"

 _I can play this off._ I reach for a cigarette, but think better of it and sip my coffee instead, sighing.

 _That's my biggest tell: the cigarettes for the stress._

"Not quite," I shake my head. "My nephew is coming in for some days off." _Not entirely a lie. I did hear he's coming._

"Really?" he questions, savoring the word. "And this has absolutely nothing to do with you almost strangling Yamamura yesterday, huh?"

"No." _My head is pulsing._ "I just yelled at him a little. I didn't want him using my spare mug."

Sakamoto sighs, trying not to be stern. "Didn't buy your new partner a mug, and couldn't let him have the old one's?"

I drain the rest of my coffee. "No, sir. That's my spare."

Sakamoto pushes me more. "No little tie this time, either?"

I fold my hands. "I happen to know that he hates ties."

" _For fuck's sake_ , Dojima!" Sakamoto throws his hands in the air, standing. "He's wearing one today, _I saw him_!"

"Then he has his own," I grumble, plastering on a fake smile.

Sakamoto sits back down. "That's a grimace," he quips, waving me away. "Not a smile. All these years and you still think that's how you smile? Not great growth." I frown as he looks me in the eye. _He knows._

I surrender. "How _much_ do you know?"

"I know the papers will claim that Adachi is being released conditionally, to serve five years house arrest and probation with a family member living south of Tokyo." I nod tentatively when he pauses. "Lies!" He barks. I roll my neck, hearing it crack and pop.

"Okay, and...?"

"His last registered address is _your_ house. And he has no family."

I rub my temples, waiting to hear the damage.

Sakamoto sighs. "I'm not telling anyone, if that's what you're thinking. But good fucking luck." I grunt over my folded arms. "I'd tell you to leave your gun at work from now on, but we all know how he built his own when we wouldn't give him one—So _that's_ a moot point."

I sigh again. "Anything else?" I take out that cigarette now.

He looks me in the eyes in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I shift in the chair. Speaking slowly, Sakamoto slowly repeats the phrase so many other people have told me countless times. " _He is not your problem._ "

I sit still in the chair, because I'm not okay with admitting why he _is_ my problem. The people you care about are your problem whether you care to accept that fact or not.

I light the cigarette. In for a penny, in for a pound, as they say. I blow smoke out of my mouth slowly, calming down before I ask this not-quite-legal favor. "On a separate note, I'm looking to acquire a stun gun. For a friend."

Sakamoto leans on his hand. "You only have two friends. And I wouldn't want one of those in the hands of a convict or a delinquent. I assume you mean a Taser?"

I nod.

"You wouldn't be planning to put it in the hands of a ten-year-old, would you?" he probes some more.

I raise my eyebrows. "What if said _twelve-year-old_ is a fourth-dan?"

Sakamoto considers it, narrowing his eyes. He snorts derisively. "Done. But I'll be bringing it by personally next Sunday."

I snuff my cigarette out on the bare wood of his desk. "Done."

 **#**

 _Love doesn't disappear in a day. It doesn't grow in a day. It takes time and careful steps in both directions._

 _Even though Tohru acted stranger and stranger—not to mention out-of-control and violent—I was already in too deep by then to stop loving him. I found out after everything was over._

 _I couldn't cope._

 _I could only lay there in the hospital, broken while the others moved on in their own ways._

 _I couldn't hate Tohru overnight—Or at all._

 _It was too sudden—Too much._

 _I already..._

 _...Loved him._

 **#**

The first visit to the prison was the worst.

 _Well, that's not quite right..._

His last visit in the hospital was a complete disaster. I don't think that incident can be topped.

 _The biggest betrayal._

First he was kind and attentive. Asking how I felt, sitting down with me, asking me what I wanted. After...

After all _that_ , there was a knock at the door. Adachi cursed and his eyes changed—In an instant his eyes changed. I leaned in to embrace him again and he pushed me away; hard. He told me the truth, glaring at me with those yellow eyes.

Then he bolted.

I don't know how long I sat there in the dark and the silence, uncomprehending.

Then Yuu rushed in with Nanako and a few of the other kids. I shifted to overwhelmingly happy; total relief at having her back. I forgot—Completely blacked it out.

I got quite the second shock when Yuu came back to brief me on the confession.

Then I remembered too much; too quickly. I started screaming.

Yuu is kind. When I woke later—I don't care to remember what happened between those two points in time—I was more rational.

It took a time before I was alright again.

And fuck Tohru. Let him wonder.

I am _not_ telling him I had a breakdown. He'd like it too much.

It wasn't until months later, when Tohru was already serving his time, that I finally drove out to see him. He was terrible. _A real bastard._ He looked like shit and kept taunting me.

I just let him talk himself out, waiting for his tantrum to finish. He sat too far back for me to hear him well, lounging in the plastic chair like he was back in his own living room.

"Murder is such a rush!"

"How stupid are you? When I wasn't with you I was shoving people to their death!"

"You're so stupid, just drive into a lake."

"See the knock on my head? I got jumped last week. No one set the fingers, guess I can't flip anyone off anymore—"

"What?!" I finally barked back, surprising myself, even. Tohru jolted into a proper sitting position and held up his left hand meekly. Only the index finger pointed in the right direction. "Did you tell anyone?" I asked, trying to be patient with my opening.

The other man shook his head.

"I'll work it out. You're left-handed, goddammit, how do you even wipe your ass?"

That riled him up again. "Painfully, like I do everything else." His eyes flashed—straight to rage—and he bent his index finger against the glass until I heard a crunch.

" _Spiteful piece of shit!_ " I spat and jumped out of the chair.

He let out some of that screeching, high-pitched insane laughter, leaned right against the little holes in the window, and whispered. "I knew you'd come to see me. To get the satisfaction that I'm here and you're out there and I'll never be out there again. To show me that you never needed me!"

I stomped over until my forehead conked against the glass, making him unconsciously back up. "I am not leaving you in here!" I pounded the glass and walked out.

Then I had to explain why I didn't press the emergency button when he broke his damn finger.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	5. Airing out the Laundry (Okaeri)

Chapter Five: Airing out the Laundry

(Kanji)

I drive the weights over in a crate and carry them directly to the backyard. "Mornin'," I call through the screen door.

 _I'll find an opening, I just need time. Or tact. I've never been great with either._

Dojima saunters out of the house in shorts and sandals.

"Those ain't workout clothes, Ojisan."

"This is just another fad, right?" Dojima asks. "No slideshow this time," he grins like a shithead.

I roll my eyes and take the crap out of the box. I line them up on the lawn and try to remember what it was I came here for.

"Coffee?" the old man asks and I nod.

When he comes back I pace the small backyard, gulping the dark, sour liquid. I don't know shit about coffee, but I like the bitterness.

"You just can't keep still today," Dojima comments, narrowing his eyes. "Why're you really here, kid?"

"Well," I wince. "I'm worried about you and Nanako and Yuu and everyone's sanity and—" I finally stop and peer over at Dojima. He's staring at me blankly, sipping his coffee slowly.

"Dammit, stop squirming like you have to pee. Is this about Adachi?" His commanding tone makes me quickly nod. He runs a hand through his hair and sets down the mug. "Lately everything is. The way the bastard loves attention, he'd be so happy if he were here right now."

I wait, suddenly unsure what to say or ask.

"You really want to do this now?" Dojima groans. "First thing in the morning? I haven't had enough coffee for this shit."

I just stand there, scuffing my sneaker in the dirt. "Uuh..."

I get lucky and he relents a little. "Okay. Look." Folding his arms, Dojima sits on the stoop and takes out a cigarette. He roots around for the lighter he keeps next to the step. "Come back for dinner. And bring that— That foreign kid. Nanako likes him. We'll talk after dinner alright?"

Dojima lights his cigarette and grumbles to himself.

"What?" I ask him, sinking down to a squat on the patio.

He sighs loudly, shooting smoke out of both his mouth and nose. "I should probably talk about this... To _someone_." He glares up at me. "Happy?" I nod quickly and he looks away. "You drink Asahi?"

I tentatively shake my head. "Not really."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Hard liquor guy?"

I shake my head again. "I... I don't really drink."

"Really?" He seems taken aback.

I shrug.

"You would if you were me." I don't have an answer for that so I keep quiet. "I guess you don't really have work outings though... So is beer okay?" I nod.

Dojima finally crushes his cigarette and tosses it into a sandy pail.

 **#**

I let Ted drive the car tonight. He can't get a license, but I don't think people care as long as he doesn't hit anyone.

"Dinner with Nanako!" Teddie sighs. "I'm so excited!" I shake my head and have to chuckle. The little guy doesn't have a care in the world.

"The King Grump will be there too," I remind him.

"That's fine," Teddie giggles. "But don't let him hear you say that… I'm just happy to be around Nana-chan!" he crows.

 _Now probably isn't the time to delve into this, but it's coming one of these days—_

"Hey Ted," I try. "Maybe you shouldn't hang all over Nanako now that she's older. She might think you like her or something…"

Teddie turns to smile at me innocently. "Of course I do!"

"Nah, never mind," I wave my hand. _I'll try again when things calm down. She's probably happy for the affection right now._ I glance right at Teddie, who's back to happily humming along to the radio.

Dinner passes quickly, with everyone catching up. As we start to finish up, the other two can tell Dojima and I want to talk. Nanako thoughtfully offers to show Ted some new manga she picked up and he looks ecstatic. After the food's gone, he wastes no time.

"Let's go, Nana-chan!" Teddie sings and grabs her hand. Nanako laughs and follows him up the stairs.

I help clear the table while Dojima seethes a little. "Why's he always touching her?" he grumbles. As mentioned earlier, I figured this would be a problem as they aged. This is the first time Dojima's directly mentioned it to me, but I suppose I was right to bring it up.

"I dunno," I venture. "Maybe it's an American thing?"

Dojima shoots me a withering glare. "Enough of that already!" He snaps. I jump a little. "I'm not a moron. I know he's not American."

News to me—That he knew. "What, ah, makes you say that?" I ask.

He's looking at me like I have five heads. "He doesn't even speak English, for crying out loud!"

I have to laugh at that because it's true.

"So I don't know where he came from, or if someone just abandoned him outside of town or what, but he's odd. You can't say he isn't." I nod because I have to agree.

"I like him, though," I confide.

"Oh he's not a bad kid," Dojima backpedals. "He's just not a hundred percent there." I feel myself laughing again. "It was nice of the Hanamuras to take him in, and then you and your mother after their boy moved away."

"Oh," I'm caught a little off guard. "Thanks." I smile. "He does help out with work and all..."

Dojima rolls his eyes. "I know damn well he doesn't work. He probably just pesters you all day—Be honest."

I nod slowly. "He's fun though. I don't mind."

"I just wish he'd stop hanging all over my daughter," Dojima sighs.

I make a noncommittal grunt and sit down at the table to wait while the man washes the dishes.

He finally dries his hands and reaches for something in the fridge. A six-pack. He places the cans in front of me.

"Uh?" I ask. "You waste no time."

"Hmm?" Dojima asks, his head back in the fridge. He turns around with a second six-pack. "That's all yours."

"That's nice and all, but..."

He shrugs and pops one open. "Cheaper than therapy."

 _Well that's sad but true._

"...Yeah." I take a swig. "So?"

"First question. I believe I already know what you're going to ask." Dojima looks me in the eye. "I can't help that I love him."

 _Telling it like it is. That's why I respect Dojima. But..._

"But why?" I have to ask. "Adachi's not a good person. What is it about him? Does he even have good qualities?"

"Let's see..." Dojima thinks, already crushing his first can and reaching for a second. "Well he's manipulative, jealous, needy, and petulant."

I wait, taking another sip of the beer.

"Next question?" he abruptly follows.

I can feel my face scrunch up. "That doesn't answer the last one... I said _good_ qualities, Ojisan."

"Hoo..." Dojima sighs. "He's funny?"

I nod. _And? Cause he's an idiot?_

"Isn't it more that you're laughing at him, though?"

"No," Dojima forcefully proclaims. "No. He does it on purpose." He tips his can towards me. "That's the manipulativeness."

Now I'm really lost. I throw up a hand in a "what" gesture. "Am I supposed to be able to follow this?" I ask. "Or are you practicing a monologue."

"Ha ha." Neither of us really laughs. "Alright. You know how he always used to get my coffee, right?" I nod. "He'd make it wrong on purpose most of the time so I'd send him to the bakery or Junes or something." He finishes another can and shoots it at the bin with a grunted "fucking slacker".

"Really?" I ask. "I wouldn't put it past him, but he did that a lot."

"Yes really." Dojima rolls his eyes. "He told me. For my first few 'visits' I mostly sat there and took a ration of shit. I guess I did give him a lot of shit myself, when we were working together, but..."

I ain't touching that. I shake my head, not arguing. "Okay, I guess."

Dojima looks down, frowning. "He makes me feel needed, alright." It comes out quieter, almost a whisper.

I shake my head. "I just don't get how someone nice and all like you could—you know—actually like someone like Adachi."

"I'm no saint, Kanji," Dojima counters. "I've done my fair share of crappy things. _This_ is probably a crappy thing. But I'm already in it and I can't go back to being without him. Without _Tohru_ —" His says Adachi's first name with such feeling, his voice cracking at the end. I had lost count, but I guess four beers equals crying.

I shift in my chair. _There isn't anything you can say._

"It was a night like tonight. We all ate dinner together—It was after the second murder." Dojima pauses and drinks maybe half of the fifth beer. "We'd been working together for over two months and I knew I was being hard on him, but I didn't know how to fix that. I did it because he acted so clueless, like he needed ordering around. I didn't wanna see him fuck up like whatever got him sent here in the first place—And he didn't really seem to mind. You know he'd joke about it..."

"But whenever we drank, he..." Dojima turns redder than just from the alcohol. "He was clingy and touchy, alright?" He coughs, looking ashamed to be talking about this, but I feel like part of him also wants to unload this baggage. "And I didn't _really_ mind—So of course I told him to get the hell off of me. You know how I am." He grumbles and shakes his head. "That night I got up to go to bed and he was being so whiny—Which always gets me. And—And yeah. That's probably when it started."

I open a second can, trying to be unobtrusive. Dojima starts on the sixth. "Nobody needed me. Nobody knew how to deal with me after Chisato. I didn't think I'd ever be accepted back as one of the 'normal people', and here comes this clown who doesn't care to fit in."

Dojima sucks in a deep breath. It's like watching a train wreck: there's all this stuff I wasn't around for, before I knew everyone, but I know it all ends with a bang.

"He—He acts all needy, and shit—" He frowns, a different look passing over his face. "He likes being ordered around and that's the only control I feel over my life and then… And then…" Dojima crushes the can. Now there's a look washing over his face I've never seen before. I'd be curious if it weren't so terrifying in its intensity: I don't know if it's anger or love or betrayal or lust or hate or some weird combination.

 _And I don't know if I'll ever be able to decipher an emotion so complex._

So I simply sit really still to see if he'll keep talking.

Dojima takes out a cigarette but doesn't light it. He just sticks the end in his mouth and chews on it, like he's never seen something so foreign. He stubs out the fire that wasn't there, and flicks it into an ashtray.

The man huffs out a big sigh. "Kanji."

The rational Dojima is back. He sets the mangled can on the table. "I screwed up. Even though I acted like I knew what I was doing, acted like the smart one, I was the 'boke' all along."

Dojima puts his face in his hand. "I thought he could save me. I _wanted_ Tohru to string me along. I didn't deserve to move on, but he—" He breaks off again, collecting his thoughts. "So I let him set this dangerous, breakneck pace even though I knew we were headed off the tracks. I needed someone, anyone, to accept all my worthlessness. I thought it'd end eventually when Tohru got fed up with Inaba and moved away. Maybe after that I'd be alive enough to start over."

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Dojima lights up and I go back over what we talked about in my head. _It's a lot to take in._

Dojima finally stands, skidding his chair back. "Well, I'm out of beer. That's all you're getting out of me." He tries a smile and cleans up the stray cans. "Just remember everyone's got their own side of the story. I still don't understand all the white noise you kids tried to put in my head about going into televisions, but I'll chalk that up to you having your own secrets." I snort. _Can't hide the truth._

"Yeah, I do gotta get home," I tell him. I promised Nanako that tomorrow we would make a secret prison run. _I really hope he doesn't kill me for taking her out of school._ I pad over to the stairs and call Teddie.

He and Nanako are all noise clomping down to the living area. I say goodbye to her and pass him the keys.

Dojima's already moved to the couch to turn on the evening news. He waves to us silently.

I slip into my shoes while Teddie grabs his and runs to the car barefoot, yakking on and on about some new drama they were watching. I shake my head as I climb into the passenger's side. I yawn and trust the Bear to handle the rest.

* * *

Note: And if you're wondering about the titles, "mukidashite" is a verb that my dictionary defines as " _mukidasu_ _:_ to bare (the teeth)". It's a line from the song "Tomaranai Ha~ha" by Eikichi Yazawa, the artist I listened to the most while I wrote _Okaeri_. And if you're unfamiliar, "okaeri" is what's usually translated as "Welcome home!" in manga, when a member of the family enters the house. Conversely, the "I'm back!" a person usually calls out is "tadaima". These greetings are a set used by most all Japanese families every day.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	6. Such Big Difference (Okaeri)

Chapter Six: Such a Little Thing Makes Such a Big Difference

(Tohru)

They said I have a visitor, but it's not a Friday...

 _Is it Dojima? Did one of the kids come back to harass me about getting out? That could be fun._

I wait my turn to greet whoever it is, and feel a jolt when I catch sight of Nanako and Kanji. I comb my hair over my eyes so the punk can't see— _It'll be more fun if it's a surprise for him._

"Adachi," one of the guards motions me over.

"I'll see them," I say. We're directed to an empty table.

I wave at the unexpected guests. "Hi Nanako," I try lightly. She smiles. _That's a relief._

I don't know what they're here for, so I raise my eyebrows at Kanji. _I'm so close to leaving this dump._

The boy frowns. Like I give a crap.

Breaking the silence, Nanako speaks up. "Adachi-san," she starts. I hope it's something easy. I don't think she trusts me anymore, but I can't blame her. "I wanted to talk to you alone."

I nod. "Okay. I can do that." I tent my hands on the table and wait.

"First, I want to show Kanji that thing I can do," Nanako leans forward.

 _So she told them. Dammit I didn't want the other kids to know... That was my ace._

"Kanji," I finally turn to him. "Are you good with pain?" I can feel a smirk.

"Aah, what?" he nervously asks.

I point to the table. "Break your finger so she can fix it. I already did this." I can feel myself baring my teeth so I close my mouth.

Nanako looks at him expectantly. I hold in a snicker. _He looks so panicked!_

"Wh-what?" the no-longer-blond asks. "She said _you'd_ show me!" He leans forward, apparently afraid of the plunge.

 _I'll show him! I'll show him I trust Nanako..._

I trust her _more_.

Under the table so the guards can't see, I bend a finger against the metal until I feel bone snap. I feel my face twist into only a slight grimace, barely feeling it. "Don't react," I tell the punk. "Don't draw attention." Kanji looks doubtful I even broke it, but when I slide my left hand back on top of the table, the pinky is clearly pointing outside. There's not much blood, thankfully, just the beginnings of a splotchy bruise.

Kanji looks nauseous, but Nanako seems fine. She places her right hand on the table, palm down, pointing at me. When she concentrates, I can see a persona overlap with her form. It's something powerful— _I can feel it_ —with large blue ears and wings. Light engulfs my hand, and the finger's back where it belongs. Kanji's jaw drops.

"Good as new~" I grin at her. "Did you see it that time? Could you tell who it was?" I ask, curious. Nanako shakes her head 'no'. "Did you see it?" I try Kanji. "Or are you useless?"

Nanako glances at Kanji—She didn't like that. I set my mouth into a line, trying to keep quiet.

"See what?" Kanji asks.

"She summoned a persona, idiot. I can see it, but I don't know what it is." _Well that one just slipped._

He frowns, folding his arms. "I didn't see it."

Maybe she isn't fully awakened. "How many times have you used it now, Nana?" I ask.

She counts aloud. "Only those three times with you."

I shrug. "Maybe you'll see it after you use it more."

"No. _No no no!_ " Kanji interrupts. "Don't make it manifest more. It's a burden." He ruffles his hair, getting angry.

"Look," I growl. They pay attention. "You're gonna need all the help you can get. Kanji. You and the others need to seal off Magatsu-Inaba."

Kanji's eyes narrow like he's thinking. "What?"

"I thought about it, and you should seal off the other side. I couldn't, and it should get done."

Nanako looks back and forth between us, confused.

"You do it," Kanji brushes me off.

"If you recall," I start, ready to lay into him. "I got taken out in a stretcher. I couldn't. And I don't care either way—I can take care of myself. But your little Investigation Team may want to prevent more shadows from coming out." He just stares, uncomprehending.

I roll my eyes and draw the conclusion for him. " _You can do that by sealing it off._ " Still staring. I groan, slapping the table. "How many of you have personas in Inaba?"

He counts on his hand. "Me, Ted, Yukiko. Three."

"I'm four and Nanako makes five. that's a lot. I probably count more than just one, too. So—"

"Why?" The big oaf cocks his head like an idiot.

 _Ugh._ I comb my longer hair away and he yelps, jumping out of his chair. The thing clatters to the floor in a metallic cacophony.

"I don't have time to explain this now. Pay attention!" This is never going to get through to him. I change tactics. "Nanako, please explain this to someone with brains." Kanji rolls his eyes. "I never had a shadow. It's still a part of me..."

I scratch my head and sigh, then try again. "Okay. Nanako, you probably don't understand this, so just remember it for me. I think I'm part shadow or something. I don't really know yet… You need to seal off the other world that I made. Or more things can come out of it. Preferably find the same TV." She looks pretty lost, but started taking notes on her phone. _That's good._

"Like Ted!" Kanji interrupts, looking like he's just made a connection.

I stop. "What?" I don't know much about that one.

"Uuh," he backpedals. "Teddie was born from shadows. He grew a body. Now he's human."

I can feel myself squinting at the stupidity. "Well that makes a lot of sense."

"No!" he protests. "It's true... And hey! Are you killing people here with shadows? I heard some stuff about you that doesn't line up—"

Nanako tugs on his sleeve—She's nervously glancing at the clock. We have less than five minutes all of a sudden and now she's motioning that she has a question.

"What?" I rush, trying to stay patient. _This is kind of important. They can clean up their own mess._

"Do you love Dad?"

"Yes."

 _Wait what?_

I try again, groaning. "Wait what?"

"Nothing," she shakes her head.

 _Fucking..._

 _She tricked me!_

I grit my teeth, wondering if it's possible to make them crack.

Nanako smiles. She _knows_ it.

 _She knows she tricked me._

"Uuh, Adachi..." Kanji starts.

"What?" I snap. The patience is _so_ gone.

Nanako giggles.

Kanji edges closer to her. "Why do you look like you're gonna hit _me_ though?"

 _I'd love to hit him._

The buzzer rings.

They stand up. Nanako pats Kanji on the back and darts over to put an arm around my shoulders before he can stop her. "Thanks. I feel better now."

"Why?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"I saw _you_ for a minute." Nanako waves as her large bodyguard grabs her hand and guides her to the exit. Kanji looks back and I draw a finger across my throat. He just shakes his head and they're gone.

 _He's probably okay. Safer than Narukami._

 **#**

"Phone call," a guard bangs on the bars outside my cell.

I stand and stretch. _Busy day._

"Someone's popular," he mocks, unlocking the door.

I keep my mouth sealed. _Just leave me alone so this day will pass._

It's a long trudge to the phone bank.

 _I just hope it's Dojima and not another fucking kid. I've had enough of them for now. Forever._

"...Yeah?" I sigh out my nose.

"Tohru." The way Dojima says it sounds like a good luck charm. I almost like it.

I snap my face back into a frown before it sports something more emotive.

"What?" I ask, feigning boredom. _Don't want the guards seeing me chummy with my cop friend. They gave me shit after my last outburst about being disrespectful and gross. They won't do anything, but if I am getting out, I should try. Fucking pain._

"Less than twenty-four hours," he breathes. _He sounds like a little kid._ It'd be funnier if I weren't so uptight here. Even the other prisoners have been getting bolder since they've heard I'm getting out.

 _I don't like it._

Dojima babbles on, telling me about buying sushi and the room, and some phone he had Nanako get me. My head's throbbing and I want to smash something. People are talking at other phones and there's too much going on at once. I feel like so much of the noise in my head would quiet just going back there.

 _It's so nice in that house._

 _I wish it could be mine..._

 _Will I ever feel like I belong there?_

I clutch my head and try to think safe thoughts…

 _Don't explode._

 _One night._..

 _When did it stat...?_

I listen to Dojima ramble while I try to remember...

I guess I always liked him. Dojima looked like he knew what he was doing. After I fucked up and got sent to the sticks, I didn't want to think anymore. It was over anyways.

And then I was lonely. And I knew _he_ was so fucking lonely.

And I guess I took advantage of that.

I loved getting invited over, like I was special. And Nanako acted like it was fucking Christmas, just having someone give her attention, and it was a cycle. I'd do whatever I needed to so I could spend my evenings there. Not alone—But with people who were interested in me.

Then—much too soon—freaking Narukami came. And it was all about him, him, him. ' _Nephew this_ ,' and ' _we're going to do that,'_ and ' _there isn't enough time_ ,' and there were fewer and fewer invitations.

And being over there, by myself, in my shitty apartment, eating instant noodles by myself and sleeping out of boredom, I knew I needed the other life back. I needed Dojima to pay attention to me again— _I wanted it so bad and it pissed me off._

I _needed_ it!

The part of me that makes the bad decisions kept telling me to sit closer to him, lean on him, fall asleep on him. Flaunt what you can get away with.

 _If he lets you_ , that part said, _keep doing it. He won't let you get that far. He's not stupid. He's lonely and weak but he'd never want_ you _._

But it was so _easy_.

One night, drinking in the living room, I whine at him to stay with me instead of just tossing me a blanket and going upstairs—And he does.

He bitches and moans, but he retraces his steps back out to the tatami room. I pull him back down to the floor and hold him to me. _You're drunk,_ the bad part of me says. _Just do it. Blame being drunk._

"Lemme go," Dojima grumbles. "Go the hell to sleep Adachi." He doesn't move away, though, just curls up and goes limp, trying to fall asleep himself.

 _Yeah, sleep like this. I'm sure it'll paint a perfectly normal picture when the kids come downstairs._

Well I'm already holding him; I just have to put my hands lower— _Is he even still awake?_

 _...Yup._

"Hey. Woah— _No_." Dojima shakes his head, startled. He's so close and I can't stand it!

I can feel him and smell him and it has to be now. Or I'll lose my nerve again.

"Why?" I groan. I want to scream, not whine. But I need to be patient.

 _Which is hard._

I know I'm awful—But you like me at least a little. Or you wouldn't invite me over—

 _Right?_

I want to put my head through a window! If he doesn't answer me I'll just say fuck it and pretend I fell asleep.

"You're my kouhai. Go the fuck to sleep Adachi."

 _So fucking like him._

He tries to roll away, but I don't let go.

"Not cause we're both men?" I don't realize I've even said it until it's out of my mouth. "Oh—Uhh—"

I let Dojima push me off him this time, and he rolls over to look at me. "Look, that's not really it okay? You don't want to do this. You can't take it back," he finishes with a yawn and leans back on his arms. "So go to sleep and I'll forget it happened."

 _Yeah. Magnanimous of you._

Sounds like a _great_ deal.

 _Because I'd be the loser in your warped mind, right?_

 _Me—The gross murderer._

 _Me—Who no one wants._

I can't help laughing. It probably doesn't sound sane. It's probably the shaky laughter.

It's the crazy that responds aloud. "I don't want to forget it happened. I want _you_."

That gets his attention, but he doesn't say anything right away.

Dojima squints at me. "You're not drunk?"

Not nearly enough, I'm learning. I shake my head tentatively.

"Alright, c'mere," Dojima sighs. "Don't expect much." He laughs coldly at himself.

 _Oh I never do..._

Well I guess I started this. And I got this far, so I lean over to kiss him, still kind of unsure.

But when our lips meet, rough and awkward, it's not just me putting feeling into it. Part of me is surprised, the other part is sunk—In a good way. _In a bad way._ He was right, I can't be taking this back-But instead of regret, it will be because I don't want to lose this feeling ever again.

I fumble with some of Dojima's shirt buttons then give up. I barely notice what I'm doing, lost in his eyes and only able to focus acutely on his reactions: the heavy breathing and grunts and the way his arms wrap around me like I'm needed. Like he won't ever let go. And I've got one arm wrapped around his back and the other down—

" _Ow!_ " It comes it as a stifled hiss.

"Huh?" I startle, stopping.

He shakes his head and grips my back so I start touching him again. Paying more attention now, I realize I bit him—Hard, at the base of the neck.

 _Shit. I hope there isn't blood—_

Fuck it I'll worry about that later, cause now he's reaching for me, and I really didn't expect that and—

 _Out of control_ —

 _On my_ —

 _Can't breathe_ —

 _Can't_ —

Can't think.

Can't think.

Can't think.

Can't think.

 _I still don't know what the hell happened next._

When I come back to myself, Dojima's holding me up, looking anxious.

"Wh-what'd I do?" I slur.

Dojima comes into focus, shaking his head. "I think you passed out!" he whispers, louder than seems necessary.

My eyes wheel around, taking stock.

 _Looks like I punched him or something._

 _Welts on his chest…_

 _The light feels like needles in my brain._

He's breathing heavy, leaning too close to me. "God are you okay?"

 _That's what I'd like to ask. You look like shit—_

 _What'd I do?_

My head hurts…

 _Fucking shitty idea, Tohru._

He keeps staring, looking genuinely concerned. He's got his eyebrows knit together, and he's frowning, and the whole show.

 _Huh. Can't be worried about me..._

 _Am I dying?_

"Come on." Dojima stands up and pulls me with him _._

 _Now what?_

 _He's still frowning—Is he seriously kicking me out?!_

He must have read my face because he roughly calls me a moron and just tugs me in the direction of the stairs with him.

I've never been upstairs and I'd be more interested if I didn't feel so damn loopy. We go in the room at the end of the hall, and it's his. Another Japanese-style with tatami. All it's got is a double futon and two dressers. Not much different from my own decorating.

I'm dragged to the futon and Dojima tells me to sit and then he says to give him my clothes.

I'm sorry, _but what the fuck_?

I stare blankly until he impatiently points for me to look down. My pants are still open and I didn't even know I finished. _Guess I missed all that, too. This would be embarrassing if I still gave a shit._

He takes everything and leaves the room. _I'm beat._

I curl up under the covers in just my dress shirt and say fuck it. I'll figure out what to do in the morning. My head's ringing—loud and shrill. This _was_ a shitty idea after all. He's only being so nice because he thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke or something.

I unclench my teeth when I hear the door slide open again.

"Adachi?" _Tentatively. Unsure._

I grunt, almost asleep. "You want something to wear?"

 _No. I just want you to shut the fuck up and show me it's okay. That you didn't just bring me up here to hide my body in case I don't wake up._

After a too-long silence, I can hear Dojima sigh again. Then the rustle of clothes, and the last thing I feel is him getting settled under the covers too, leaning over and draping an arm awkwardly around me. I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding. My tension drops and I'm asleep.

When I wake up again, I have no idea what time it is. I yawn and roll over, forgetting I'm not at home. _It smells like I'm sleeping in a fucking ashtray._

It's a jolt to my system, realizing I'm still at Dojima's. I bolt upright, wondering how this will all play out. There's a little light coming in through the glass door on the other end of the room, but I can hear rain.

 _Morning rain is the worst; can't tell if it's day or not._

In no rush to figure this out, I roll over on my other side, wondering where Dojima went. I can't hear movement or voices downstairs.

There is a tee-shirt and a pair of sweats folded next to the futon, my cell and lighter on top.

 _Right... Right._

I slide out of my shirt and put them on. _Well I guess he's not mad at me... That's a plus._

I yawn and check the time. It's a little after five-thirty.

 _Nope._

I shut the phone and lay back down.

 _Well, I got what I wanted. And it looks like I'm being taken seriously…_

 _Huh. I didn't think it'd be nearly this easy. Maybe Dojima's lonelier than I thought._

After a while I hear the old door slide open and I get nervous.

 _Idiot!_

 _I could slap myself..._

I seethe. _Get it together and get in control of the situation._

...I smell coffee. I fucking hate coffee.

 _If I hear "Adachi go get me a coffee!" one more time ever I'm pushing Dojima into a TV. No regrats._

There's a small bump next to my head, and the click of a lamp. I lie still, not wanting to deal with the situation. Then I feel a larger _WHUMP_ when Dojima sits down next to me.

"I know you're awake, Adachi."

 _Oh._

"You do know we're detectives, right?"

 _True. Sarcastic bastard._

I open my eyes. I can see Dojima lighting a cigarette with my lighter. I haven't seen him light his own cigarette since I moved here _. I guess that one's on me for buying the lighter, but..._

"You bought this for me, didn't you?"

 _No sense denying it. I don't smoke._

 _But I'm not doing this._

"Do you always get up this early, Sir?" I ask, changing the subject.

Dojima grimaces. "Don't call me that now!" He flicks the lighter shut and replaces it.

 _Well now I want to._

 _Mental_ note: _Slip up at a bad time._

It's too early to process this. And I can feel that's what's coming. I close my eyes again.

"Don't do that," Dojima complains. _Ugh._

"There's coffee—" He gestures to my other side.

 _Yay. Great._

"Thanks!" I muster a smile. _Kill me!_

That got him. Must've been too sarcastic. Or too smiley. Dojima looks away, coughing. "At least look at it. I put cream and sugar in it. I know it's not your favorite but it's all we have."

 _Is there a problem with the public water I'm not aware of?_

"Nanako drinks it like that, so I thought..." _That sounds like child abuse. She's six._

As a bonus he looks embarrassed.

I sit up and pick up the mug against my better judgment. I have a few sips. That is lot of sugar— _It's actually not bad this way._

"I couldn't sleep," Dojima yawns. "I didn't drain the tub yet if you want to take a bath or something." This is weirder and feels more normal than I expected. Like Dojima knew we were headed down this trajectory and it was just a matter of time.

Did _I_ get played?

I shake my head. "I want to go back to sleep..." It's half a mumble, half a whine.

"You can see I couldn't hang the clothes—"

 _He's still talking. Ooh, did he ever talk this much? Shut up so I can sleep! I drank your awful coffee!_

" _Doooojimaaaa!_ " I whine. I roll on my stomach and clamp the pillow over my head. "Shut up," I plead. "It's not even six."

"…"

 _Ahh! He mumbled something else but I couldn't hear it._

I take the pillow off. It was either a swear or something he didn't want me to hear.

"What?" I ask.

He says it so quiet, I can still barely make it out. "Ryou." He's looking away again, too.

 _Play stupid._ "What's that?"

"My name!" Dojima grumbles and turns toward me. He crushes his cigarette in an ashtray. "If you're okay with it, then I wanted you to call me my first name," he tries to explain himself in a muttery, sheepish manner. "Ryoutarou is long. So Ryou is alright..." he trails off and clenches his teeth. He dramatically twists his mouth, trying to say something else. "T-toh-tohru," he concludes.

 _"F" for effort._

 _That's so adorable. It makes my skin crawl._

He's all red, from the top of his face, down his neck and probably beyond. I clamp my teeth down on a snicker. Bite my tongue. "Okay sir!" I enthusiastically reply.

"Dammit Adachi!"

 _Pause._

 _He'll realize in a—_

"Dammit!" Dojima jumps up and rakes a hand through his short hair.

"I'm going back to sleep... It's Sunday..."

Dojima collects the mugs and walks back to the door. "I'm going to get the paper and more coffee."

I hold up a hand and weakly wave.

 _Please don't bring me any. Special treat—I'll beg._

 _Or don't come back. It's peaceful with just the rain._

 _And please stop being a morning person._

...

"...Tohru?!" I can hear Dojima impatiently yelling through the phone. I snap myself out of the memory and pay attention. _I'll be back there tomorrow. I'll take a shitty coffee and I'll drink it and I'll even fucking smile._

"What?" I ask. "Sorry, tired."

"Why?" he asks sharply. "Anybody giving you shit about getting out?"

 _Duh, _Detective__.

"No," I yawn. _I can't sleep in this place._ "It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

Dojima is silent. "Sorry I didn't come today, but I have to get everything ready. And now the kids are coming over..."

 _Do they have to?_

"That's... Nice." _Turn them away._

I hear a long sigh. _He knows._ "I'm not turning them away, but I told them not to stay long."

"Mmhmm."

"Alright. I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow. In person." Dojima hesitates and I know he's going to say it. I can see him sitting upstairs by himself, chain-smoking in that quiet room and looking both lost and troubled. Like he used to when he thought I was asleep next to him. "I love you."

I _need_ you. I _want_ you. I want this to be _over_. I _do_ love you.

 _Just stay mine._

I choose the easiest words to get out. "Me too," I mumble.

I hang up the phone and am escorted back to my cell.

 **#**

"Adachi Tohru," I hear. I'm not really asleep. Just groggy from being awake all night. "Adachi Tohru!" They're louder this time.

"Do you want to leave or not?"

 _Right..._

 _Right!_

I practically jump off the bed. I wait for them to open the door and walk me to the front of the prison. Where the visitors come in. And—more importantly—get to _leave_.

I get a few different lectures and sign some papers and am handed the clothes I came in with...

 _Five years ago_.

They won't fucking fit, but I put them on and accept the small plastic bag that holds…

 _My tie_. The one Dojima bought me during my first week in Inaba.

 _My lighter that I always lit his cigarettes with_.

My ratty belt. I'll have to tie it: the holes are useless now.

A couple of coins.

My wallet with my license.

I root around, tumbling the kaleidoscope of items twirling round and round, searching for...

My hands close around _keys_. Dojima already took and returned the keys to my old place.

Just _his_ keys left on the ring.

I put the tie around my neck, but grimace at the restrictive feeling and peel it back off. I put the keys and lighter in my pocket, and loop my fingers through the handles of the bag, letting the rest of the stuff rattle around. I follow a guard to a van outside. I get in the back and watch as this nightmare ends.

The gates open when we approach. And the van glides through like I'm free.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	7. Reach out to the Truth (Okaeri)

Chapter Seven: Reach out to the Truth

(Nanako)

 _Dad's been up all night._

I know immediately when I arrive downstairs by the empty coffeepot in the sink and the way he whips his head up from the book he wasn't really reading. I smile.

"Morning, Nanako," he yawns at me.

"G'morning," I return. I serve myself some rice and soup and head to the table. He crawls off the couch and turns on the TV. "What time?" I ask.

"I don't know," Dad starts, anxious. "They're never on time, but they did tell me noon."

 _I nod. Five more hours of Twitchy Over-Caffeinated Dad…_ At least Kanji and Teddie will be here early.

After I eat I ascend the stairs again to change. When I close my door, I stop. I turn to the other, empty room, and I decide to take a peek.

I helped Dad set everything up last weekend and it looks the same. There's the old couch and table that were there even before Big Bro. Additions include Adachi's giant TV and more video games than I thought an adult would own. A lamp and a big pile of manga. Snacks and soda lined up on the table...

I feel the You're-an-Idiot face coming on. Dad says it's one of the few things that prove to everyone I'm actually his kid.

 _Is this really all for a grown-up?_

And then there's the futon laid neatly on the floor. I have to roll my eyes at that. I don't think it'll take Adachi more than a day to convince Dad it'd be better for him to sleep in his room. He's super clingy. Like that one friend everyone always has to assure is they're their _best_ friend, or they'll go berserk.

I tricked Adachi yesterday because I want him to know I have his number. He should know I can. I'm smarter than he probably thinks I am, and I do like him—maybe even love him—but we're not going through hell again. _I'd better keep Crazy on his best behavior._

I shut the door and go back downstairs. Dad can't sit still. I know he washed all the dishes and is brewing more coffee. I can hear the grinder whirring away.

I take the puzzle page out of the paper to work on until the others arrive.

Soon enough Teddie bangs through the door, carrying bags of stuff Dad asked for. "Nana-chan! It's a party!" His eyes are sparkling and I have to let out a big laugh. He always cuts the tension!

I can hear Dad groaning, which just makes me laugh more. "Here," I tell Teddie. "Pass me the bags and go watch TV." He drops them where he stands and rushes to the counter, and—oddly enough—he starts to make tea.

"No, I'll help," he cheerily tells me.

I nod at the contradiction and go pick up the bags to put everything away. Kanji bumps through the screen shortly after, carrying drinks. "'Sup?" he asks. I point at Teddie busily measuring water and tealeaves. "No shit," he snorts, putting his load down on the table. "I told him to be good. Maybe it sunk in…"

I smirk. "You're like his father," I joke.

Kanji turns red. "N-n-no!" he yelps. "My kid would behave way better!"

Teddie glares, but continues his unasked task.

When the tea is finally ready, Teddie pours two cups and practically drags me out the back door. I can feel the other two staring at our backs, but choose to ignore it—I'm sure he won't even notice. Teddie quickly slides the door shut with a loud bang and I see Dad glaring.

 _…He'll get over it._

Teddie's clingy, but in a less oppressive way than Adachi. I've noticed it more recently. I'm not sure if I should say anything to the pleasantly smiling boy sitting on the stoop, staring up at me with absolute adoration.

But if I don't address it, the others will continue to feel uncomfortable. I clear my throat. "What's been going on lately?" I finally ask.

Teddie doesn't look up, just smiles wider. "I can sense it," he says quietly.

"What?" I ask, bending to squat in front of him. "What is it?"

"You have the power now, too—I can tell. It feels like home." He looks up and his face is almost a little afraid… _Of what?_

I gasp, nodding. "Only recently! I can heal people."

Teddie nods understandingly, then freezes. "Does it bother you that I've been hanging around a lot more?" All of a sudden there's an overwhelming insecurity in his eyes.

"Oh!" I breathe. "No!" I rush to reassure him, but his eyes have already slid back to the ground.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "It just feels so comfortable around you."

"It's okay," I try again.

He forces a smile, but then I see more concern flash across his face. "It's different than with the others." He cocks his head, as if listening for something. "I don't know why, though."

"We'll figure it out," I reply, sipping my own tea. It's pretty good. "You might notice something different about Adachi-san, too," I slip. He nods eagerly. "Did Kanji tell you about his eyes?

Teddie nods quickly. "He told me to ask him about it later." The tall boy jumps up. "I'm always excited to learn more about how it all works!" I laugh a little, glad to know about what was going on with my friend.

I peek through the door to see Big Bro and Yukiko. I point behind Teddie and ask if he wants to go in. He sets down his cup and stretches. "In a minute," he tells me. "I feel like it won't be calm around here for much longer.

"Really?" I ask.

"Oh!" He jumps up, flinging his arms around. "I could be wrong! Just between us, okay?!" He holds a finger up to his lips, grinning. "Please?" he begs. "Don't tell Kanji I said that, okay?"

I nod and we sit again, chatting until we're out of tea.

When we walk back in, the other four are chatting and sipping at cans of soda, seeming at ease around each other. I'm happy that hasn't changed, at least.

A little after noon, the phone trills. Dad practically lunges for it, almost kicking Kanji over. "Jeez, Ojisan!" he yips, edging away. Yuki snickers and Kanji rolls his eyes. They start to bicker until Teddie jumps in to ease the mood.

I smile at Yuu-kun, who looks moody today. I walk over and give his hand a squeeze. That's all I have time for before the atmosphere grinds to a halt.

Dad hangs up the phone and strides the few steps to the door. The others stop talking and watch him slip outside. I don't want to get in the way, really, so I stand behind the screen. I hear Teddie jump up off the floor, but know someone stopped him from following me. He lets out a whine but stays put.

A big van is idling on the other side of our street. Dad leans in to talk to the driver for a minute, and then the door slides open. Adachi steps down, looking completely shell-shocked. His eyes are wide, clothes too big; he's just peering around like he's never seen our neighborhood before. I would laugh if it weren't so sad. It's like when he first came over for dinner—he had looked so vulnerable to be invited to a stranger's house.

Dad pulls away from the window, grinning. He takes a heavy-looking case from the van and then grabs the bag Adachi's holding, lastly sliding his own hand into the smaller one. The van pulls away and Dad starts talking quickly, saying who-knows-what. I would wave, but I don't think Adachi even sees me behind the door. It's not far, but he doesn't take even a step. Adachi just collapses on the ground, sobbing.

I watch as Dad balks, frozen for a minute before he kneels down to talk to him quietly. He tries to pull Adachi's hand back, off of his face, but the other man won't let him. I can hear the crying and am sure the others can too.

Dad looks so helpless and confused. He was so sure this was going to be a great reunion. He puts his free arm around Adachi, lost. His searching eyes meet mine, pleading for an answer.

 _I don't have the answers._

 _But I'm willing to try and help._

I walk outside and right up to the two of them. Adachi's saying something unintelligible... I bend down and can hear the words a little. I think he's apologizing— _Over and over and over._

I try pulling one of his hands away and he lets me. He's still muttering, speaking so quickly. One sharp yellow eye connects with my brown ones.

I try to smile. "It's over. It's okay; it's over."

He vehemently shakes his head.

I try again. "I'm here. _I'm okay._ " I don't know how I understand in that moment, but I suddenly get it on a visceral level. _I get that it's about me._

I feel Dad's eyes on me now, curious about our exchange.

The situation feels too tenuous to stop and explain. I move to the side, clutching Adachi's left hand in my right. I motion for Dad to take the other one back, and then I squeeze the one I hold to remind him he needs to stand.

He stands, still shaking and giving off hiccupping little cries. I start our tiny parade moving back across the street. The others have spilled out into the yard, but they let us pass by and into the house.

I stop at the table by the door and point to the new hook Dad installed, where I printed the characters for "Tohru" above. Adachi drops Dad's hand to fish the keys out of his pocket and hang them.

"Okaeri," I say, smiling as brightly as I can.

Adachi starts crying again and bends down to wrap me up in a big hug. I hear Dad sigh in relief.

I return the hug and I can tell he's trying to come back to us, the caring Adachi I remember.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	8. No Second Chances (Oretachi)

Notes: "Oretachi" is a 'rough' way of saying "us". It is the most informal way for a man to say "we", and implies closeness and manliness.

This second part is going to get somewhat darker... I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!

* * *

Chapter One: No Second Chances

(Yuu)

I follow the crowd into the house, watching Nanako and Uncle lead Adachi to the couch, where he awkwardly sits. Nanako tucks her legs under her and takes a seat next to Adachi, not dropping his hand.

My jaw is set into a scowl as I watch my family coddle the man who almost ruined them.

Uncle scratches his face, looking very uncomfortable as breaks away from the others and walks into the kitchen. Kanji finally drops Teddie's arm and the lanky boy runs over to the couch to sit on Adachi's other side. I'm taken aback at the instant way he warms up to the man, chattering a million miles a minute. Teddie glances at the other two's hands and tries to grab Adachi's free one. The taller grimaces and yanks it away at lightening speed and Nanako laughs, patting Teddie's arm.

 _I want to scream._

"Uuh, Yuu-kun?" I hear from behind. I turn my head to see Kanji looming over me, Yukiko right next to him.

"Yah!" I jump. "What is it?"

"We need to talk..."

Yukiko nods and motions for me to follow them outside. "It's about Nanako and Teddie," she explains. I must be showing a worried expression, because she tries to reassure me: "It's not bad, necessarily, but it should shed some light to what's going on."

I follow them silently, watching as Kanji waves to my uncle, motioning that we're going for a walk. _I think Uncle will feel more at ease without Yuki or I around anyway._

I bow slightly and catch up with my friends.

Kanji leads us towards the floodplain, walking slowly so we can keep up with the giant. "So yeah. There's something up with Nanako and Teddie and I think Adachi, too." He squints, working out how he wants to phrase this. I nod for him to go on, Yukiko also waiting patiently.

"I'll start with Nanako," he muses. "She has a persona now. Or something." He absently rubs his head. "I'm not really sure, but she can heal people."

"What?" I stop. _How?_ "When did this happen?"

"I dunno," Kanji falters. "Maybe a month ago she fixed Adachi's fingers that didn't set right, and they practiced it another few times after to see if it was just a fluke."

"I don't like that," I voice aloud.

Yukiko nods. "Isn't all that supposed to be over? We haven't seen anymore incidents since Kanami's problems."

"I don't know..." Kanji reiterates his position with a frown. "We might need to take care of some loose ends."

Yukiko and I glance at each other. _We didn't know about loose ends._ "I thought the trouble here was over after we took care of Izanami. What else _is_ there?"

"I didn't know either," Kanji agrees. "But Adachi was going on and on about ways shadows and stuff can still come get us if we don't seal off Magatsu-Inaba. He thinks more demons and stuff will be attracted back here if a lot of us persona users are together."

My head snaps up. "Adachi said this? What's he basing those conjectures on?"

"You gotta ask him," Kanji sighs. "It was a lot to take in and I don't understand it all. Teddie seems more sure of himself. He said he can close up shop, but he'd rather we come with him..." he trails off, thinking.

"Oh!" Kanji suddenly blurts. " _The eyes!_ "

"What?" Yukiko asks at his outburst.

"Did you guys _see_ Adachi's eyes?" Kanji's own eyes are wide as though he can't believe what he's about to tell us. "They're yellow like a shadow's! He lost his Izanagi but there's still something up with him." He scratches his neck, frowning at the ground. "You saw the way Teddie was glued to him, right? He's been like that with Nanako lately, too, saying he senses something different in them. But he doesn't know what it is or how else to explain it yet."

"Nanako's nothing like Adachi," I spit the words, my frustration spiking.

Yukiko sighs and puts her hand on my shoulder. "You know that's not what he meant."

I nod slowly. _I still don't like the thought of it._

"Y-yeah. Let's just ask Ted, okay?"

We all agree that we need more information and decide to head back to the house.

Inside, Nanako and Teddie still have Adachi cornered, while Uncle sits at the low table watching the others contentedly. Adachi's mug is sitting in front of him on the table and he's sipping from his own.

 _Forget Teddie—I'm going straight to the source._ "Adachi can I talk to you privately?" he shoots me a glare and I can see his eyes for the first time. They certainly are startlingly yellow-gold. I shiver.

After an eternity of staring each other down, Uncle stands and hands Adachi his mug. "Take this and you can go talk in your room—" he cuts himself off, looking awkward at the fact that what used to be mine is now the other man's. I had told him it was okay hoping to keep the peace.

"Alright." He pulls Adachi to his feet and away from the kids. "Go talk this out, you two." He shoves Adachi in my direction, who turns back to give Uncle a look. "It's fine," he tells the younger man. "We'll all still be here when you get back," he assures his friend and smiles. Then he impatiently pushes Adachi forward again, which looks way too much like an excuse just to touch him.

I hold back a frown when Adachi walks towards me, leading me upstairs.

He turns the handle to my old room and pulls the light's cord, illuminating the interior. I sweep my eyes around at the combination of Adachi's and the Dojimas' stuff commingling. _It feels wrong._

He collapses on the couch, taking a tentative sip of the light-colored coffee from Uncle. "What do you want?" he snidely asks afterwards, his demeanor shifting.

Before I can even remember to ask about Adachi's eyes, I catch sight of a small photo album on the table while I'm sweeping the room. It's jammed between a mountain of junk food and a few back issues of Weekly Jump. Adachi's eyes follow my own and he snatches it up before I can make a grab.

Adachi sets his coffee on the table so he can flip through the book. His face looks both aggravated and surprised, the most emotion I've ever seen him display.

"What's in it?" I have to ask, even though I probably don't want to know.

He gives me a patronizing look. "Photos."

" _What_ photos?" I try, being more specific.

Adachi cautiously passes the thing to me and I quickly page through it myself. Pictures of Uncle and Adachi, Nanako and Adachi, and even a few of all three together.

It's the three shots from a station nomikai that catch the bulk of my attention. I study them closely, aware that Adachi is watching me with just as much interest. Uncle looks pretty smashed, and in one he's got Adachi in a headlock and is aggressively rubbing his head. The other man is trying to get away, while a few other officers laugh. In another, there's the sickeningly adoring way Adachi is watching him while he's deep in conversation with someone else. And in the last one, it looks like Uncle fell asleep sprawled across Adachi's lap. Adachi looks suitably uncomfortable—but not unhappy—and the Chief is handing him another drink like he knows Adachi could use it.

"You look closer than I remember," I carefully remark.

Adachi studies me with those unsettling eyes again. "We are," he curtly replies.

"You probably know what I wanted to talk about," I say, trying to change the subject.

"But what—Now you wanna know where I fit in this family instead, right?" he needles me.

I won't take the bait, but do want to know what the hell is going on. I must take too long to reply, because Adachi goes on.

"We're 'together'," he air-quotes.

No.

Gross.

 _No_.

Not _him_.

My feelings must show on my face because Adachi smirks, full of piss and vinegar now. "Yup," he addends. "Super close!" he claps his hands at the end for emphasis.

"Enough," I finally sigh. "I dragged you up here to ask about the things you told Kanji and Nanako."

"Right!" Adachi snaps his fingers. "The Leader is back, one of the few with brains, huh? Well then listen carefully." He's clearly enjoying putting on a show, and I'll have to indulge him to get the information...

"You need to close off all the places monsters appeared from or they can still find their way out. And now that so many of us in Inaba have personas, it could attract more monsters and gods and people like _you_ , Yuu-kun." I grimace at the sweet way he says my name like we're friends. "So I told them to be aware of what's going on around them. Not much else you can do..."

Adachi grins. "I mean, you didn't even realize it was the guy from Moel who dragged you into all this! _Fucking fantastic!_ I sure hope your friends are brighter, so there's no more chaos around here," he lectures animatedly. "It was fun and all, but I have better things to do."

 _Like sit around the house all day,_ I want to quip, but hold it in. "Okay. How do we do that."

"Do I really have to explain every single thing to you?" Adachi moans, drinking more of his coffee.

I glare, but keep my tone even. "How long will it take?"

"Shouldn't take more than a few hours," he replies crossing his legs over the coffee table.

"We'll do it tomorrow. I leave Sunday." At that, I turn on my heel and walk out of the room.

"And good riddance!" I hear Adachi hoot after me.

I start to shut the door, but Teddie bolts past me, slamming it behind himself.

 _Unsettling. All if it._

* * *

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	9. Pray for Peace Self-Control (Oretachi)

Chapter Two: "Pray for Peace and Self-Control"

(Tohru)

After the king of fools leaves my room, I don't have a chance to head back downstairs before the scrawny one pops right in, practically falling to the floor in his rush.

"What?" I pointedly ask.

"You're _different_ ~!" he marvels.

I try to look annoyed. "Yeah? So?"

"You're like _me_ ," he manages as he comes closer to me, staring with huge, blue eyes.

I back up. "Don't touch me!" I snap. He looks like he didn't know what he was doing to begin with, and straightens up. He tips his head to the ceiling.

"You feel like a brother."

"I don't have a brother," I sharply tell him. He's ignoring me, though, so I just make a face and wait for whatever's coming.

"Can I call you niichan?"

I shake my head. "No way."

"Whyyyyyy?!" the boy whines.

"If anything, I'd be an aniki," I stupidly muse aloud.

So of course he latches on immediately. "Okay, Aniki-chan!" the blond boy yells and dashes out of the room with a goofy smile plastered on his face.

What is _with_ these idiotic people?

I lay down on top of the new futon, wondering how I'm supposed to react to everyone. I wait a long while before I go back downstairs to eat some food.

As I descend the steps, I can see that they've finally all gone home. I could collapse right now, but I won't.

 _I think I'd actually like some time some time to myself..._

I grab an assortment of sushi and vegetables, eating silently on the couch while Nanako and Dojima put the extra food away. I flick on the television when no one speaks.

Dojima wanders over while I quietly watch TV and pick at the few things left on my plate. He's carrying a large case and smiles sadly.

 _It's not your fault I have to wear that thing._

He sets up the transmitter near the stairs, and then locks the ankle bracelet around my lower leg. "Sorry," he says, almost inaudibly as he retreats back to the kitchen.

When I've finished eating, I set my dish on the dining table and start for the stairs. "I'm going up," I call to them.

 _I just want to take off these nasty clothes and go the fuck to sleep. I can do that, right? Everything _was__ _all set up for me._

"Oi!" Dojima yells from the kitchen. "Wait—Hang on."

I pause at the foot of he stairs until he catches up with me. He nods for me to go up and follows.

"What?" I tiredly ask.

"I... I—ah—wanted to show you where everything was, that's all." He looks embarrassed.

Inside the room he points out where the clothes are— _Really_ , I never would have guessed they're actually in the dresser, right? And everything else is out in the open.

 _Are you stalling?_ I feel myself narrowing my eyes, appraising the situation.

It's his turn to ask me 'what'.

"I was just gonna go to bed," I reply, yawny.

"Oh," Dojima replies, his eyes flicking up and down as he takes stock of my dirty clothes. "I can run the tub if you want?"

 _...I probably should clean up._

I tell him yes and flop onto the couch to wait.

Then Nanako is knocking on the jamb, also looking uncomfortable. "What?" I ask her more gently, curious.

I sit up straight because she's fidgeting. I raise an eyebrow, silently questioning.

"I was thinking I could cut your hair for you," she finally tells me.

I finger the bangs that hide my eyes. "It doesn't look like you," she tries to explain. "And I practiced on Teddie and Kanji!"

 _Why not? It's not like I can go out to get a cut._

"Okay," I nod. She tells me to fetch her after I wash my hair.

She disappears from the door, but Dojima's immediately back, looking fidgety, too. When he doesn't speak, I decide to find clothes. He'll talk if he wants to.

 _Why are they all acting like they have to be so _careful__ _around me now? Is it cause of the crying?_

 _Dammit!_

 _Let's not remember that..._

Yeah. Forget it.

I root around, seeing what they picked out. I decide on a tee-shirt, boxers, and socks. I turn to leave the room, but Dojima's still standing there all squirmy. "Hmm?" I inquire.

"..."

I sigh. "You have to speak up."

Now he's going red. "Do you want me to wash your back? Is that okay?"

 _You never asked before._

 _Is everything going to be different?_

I nod and slide past him to the bathroom. Inside, I set down my clean clothes and start the water. I can hear Dojima click the door shut behind himself.

It's not like I had any privacy these past years, so there's nothing to feel embarrassed about now.

Or at least I tell myself that as I take off the dirty, slightly bloody, old clothes from my last day in Inaba. They smell. I throw them on the floor and walk into the shower room.

"Is it alright to just throw these away?" Dojima calls.

"Yeah," I call back to him. What do I want _those_ for?

I hear him shuffle back out of the bathroom and then return a minute later. "Can I come in?" He asks.

"Yes?" I irritably reply, unsure why he's bothering to ask; like he's never seen me naked. _I'm getting agitated._

After I finish scrubbing my head, I suds up the washcloth. I hand it to Dojima and sit on the stool, facing away.

I guess I forgot how nice it feels to have someone scrub away the dirt you can't reach well yourself. The stuff you can't take care of. _I missed that—_

 _That feeling of someone caring that you're a mess._

Unlike the others, Dojima doesn't bother commenting on how skinny or muscular I've gotten. I'm glad. He already knows how I look; the old marks that line my skin from being inept at healing magic—Not that he'd ever listen to any of the stuff about shadows and demons.

I don't know if I'm really dirty or what, but it's a long time before Dojima steps back and hands me the cloth. He really worked a few spots. _I was probably pretty nasty._

I confirm my hunch by looking at the now-darkened cloth.

"I'll go," Dojima tells me. He looks away when I turn to tell him he can stay if he wants. The words don't come out, though because he's looking so uneasy.

"Okay," I reply, going back to cleaning myself.

"I left a towel by the door," he gestures. "Put it on and call Nanako if you want her to cut your hair." I nod.

"Thanks." He nervously laughs a little. "She was trying to figure out something she could do for you."

"It's fine," I assure him. I smile at him before turning away to rinse off. "Done."

Dojima stumbles backwards toward the door. "O-oh. Sorry. Heh."

"Why?" I ask, retrieving the towel. I dry off and wait for an answer. When I don't get one, I step towards him. "Why are you being so anxious around me now?" I demand.

Dojima frowns. I can tell he isn't sure what to say, so I sigh. "Look," I start. "You don't have to act like prison screwed me up. All the screwing up happened _before_ I even went there. You know that. I know that. The whole of Japan knows _that_. Just act normal." I knot the towel around my waist and put a hand on his shoulder. He peers down at me, still unsure.

"Really," I affirm, nodding.

 _You're not making this easier._

I hold my arms out, still annoyed, attempting to show Dojima it's okay to hug me. I'm not going to break. I don't realize I've been holding my breath until I release it when he finally close his arms around me.

I inwardly groan. _Why am I like that?_

Though I'd be caught murdering again before I'd admit it, I _do_ think I missed hugs, too.

He backs away before I'm really done, reminding me that Nanako's waiting. Right.

 _I think I'd rather keep my bangs, but..._

I nod again when he tells me he'll send her in. I go back to sitting on the stool and wait in silence.

"Adachi-san," I hear her sing my name as she enters the room. "Is there a specific style you want?"

I shake my head and she starts to comb out the snarls I missed. "I'll make it like before then, okay?" I nod and she laughs. "Keep your head still."

So I shake my head harder and she giggles. I smile contentedly, enjoying the sound.

I also like the noise of the snipping, but I tense when I start to see the long, wavy locks falling around me. I didn't realize I even had that much hair!

"I'd rather have my eyes covered," I quietly admit.

"Don't," she tells me. "They look cool on you." I whip around to search her face for a sign that she's lying. I don't see any.

"You _have_ to be lying," I chastise.

She shakes her head. "No, really. Besides, you don't have to see anybody you don't want to now." I shrug and we go back to the easy silence.

After a while, Nanako tells me it's done. "Go take a look," she says. "Let me know if you want me to change anything."

The first thing I notice is that I look a lot more like I remember myself from the last time I was here. _That's good._

I don't like how much you can see my eyes, though. The shiny yellow really sticks out. _I look sick._

"What do you think?" Nanako asks.

"I like it," I reply.

 _And I do. It's myself I don't like._

She beams and washes the scissors in the sink. "I'll be out in a second," she says. "Bet you haven't had a bath in a while."

I smile, happy that at least _she_ can still joke with me.

"Want me to send Dad back in?" Nanako smirks. The brat actually _smirks_!

I raise an eyebrow, questioning.

"You know I'm not stupid," she replies, sighing. "I don't know why he always dances around the fact that you're—you know—" she waves her hands around, searching for a way to make her point. "Together."

My mouth falls open.

 _I didn't know she knew. I'm not surprised—I never tried to hide it—but that doesn't mean I know what to say._ So I just grin a little at her and she smiles back.

I break the eye contact and sigh. Run a hand through my freshly cut hair. "He seems different, though. Like he's not comfortable around me."

Nanako tilts her head, considering. "I think he just needs time. It was all a lot."

I nod. She _is_ a smart kid. I have to give her that.

"Yeah," I decide. "Tell him he can join me if he wants."

Then I remember the _important_ thing—"Oh, Nanako!"

"What?"

"Tomorrow..." I muse. "Tomorrow. Come with me please. Get someone else to drag your dad away from the house." _I don't trust Yuu, but that's just going to upset you_... "I want somebody I trust."

 _It's honest, at least. I do trust her._

Another smile creeps onto Nanako's face. She nods and walks out the door.

 _Damn_. Now she's gonna push Dojima in here. Why is it always on me to make the first move? _Fucking bashful old tsundere..._

I shed the towel, hanging it on a hook near the tub. It has been a long time since I went in a nice, steaming bath.

I swing my legs over he side and let myself sink to the bottom. "Aah." I sigh overwhelmed by the heat. _This is the best!_

I relax, but only for a minute, because I soon hear the door click shut again and know Dojima must've come back. His jumpiness is making me freaking paranoid.

He pokes his head in the shower room. "Do you want me to come in?"

I feel a big sigh building, but I bite it back. "Do you _want_ to get in?" I counter.

His eyes shift around. _Make up your damn mind._

Finally he retreats back into the other room and I can hear the sounds of clothes coming off. I relax again, waiting for him to shower, probably complaining the whole time, too.

I'm surprised at his silence while he washes up. I study the maimed mess of scars and discolorment still visible on his shoulder and back. I'm sure not to let him notice, turning my attention back to the broiling water in the tub.

When he walks over to the bath and I squish to the side. "It _is_ a big tub," I mumble. It can easily hold two people. _I guess that's what you get when you have a family. I wouldn't know._

"What?" Dojima asks, his voice laced with self-consciousness. I must have a strange look on my face.

I shake my head, wrapping my arms around my legs. I dunk my head under the water, knowing Dojima is watching me closely, unsure of what I'm doing. _I'm taking a minute to collect my thoughts, you know._

I pop back up, splashing water everywhere. Dojima flinches back at the spray and I snicker.

He sighs and decisively chuckles a little.

Then we slip back into the not-quite-comfortable silence.

Dojima keeps reaching up to his face every minute or so, then frowns and replaces his hand. _What the hell is he doing?_

He finally notices my staring and shrugs. "I should've brought in a cigarette."

"Nasty," I gag. "You even smoke in the tub? I don't think I knew that."

"It's new," Dojima admits, rolling his eyes.

This is a good opportunity: "What else is new?" I ask, interested.

He turns away from my stare. It's probably the eyes.

"Nothing, really."

 _Okay—_

 _I can't stand it._

" _Is_ it my eyes?" I enjoin, feeling hurt flare up. "If it is, you need to tell me."

"Huh?" He faces me again, and I can see that he looks taken aback. "Why would you think that?" Dojima asks in surprise. "It's got nothing to do with your eyes—I mean—" he backpedals. "It does, but not the way you're thinking."

He scratches his face. "It's more that I forgot what it feels like when you stare at me. Your eyes are always so serious, even when you're not... It's intense."

"Oh," I falter, the aggravation knocked right out of me. Now _I'm_ embarrassed. I didn't know he thought that. "I don't have to look at you, you know," I quip.

"No," he quickly replies. "I like it—" he pauses, eyes widening.

"BFFT!" I snigger. He twists his head away, clearly embarrassed now. I'm two-hundred percent certain. "Aww, come on," I try. He doesn't turn back.

After more than a minute—it feels like an eternity—I finally reach out and wrap my arms around Dojima's torso, pulling him over to my side of the tub.

"What—?" he gasps, whipping his head around. "Hey!"

I stare blankly. "Can I not do this?"

"...You can," he replies. "I was just surprised." He shrugs. "It's not like I mind or anything."

"That's good," I exhale into his back and lean my head down.

We sit like that until the water gets cold.

"I hate getting out of the tub," I sulk, knowing he's itching to get up.

"Have to sometime," Dojima replies. He rises and gets his towel. Then he picks mine up, holding it out for me. I smile automatically and stand to take it.

Back in my room, I sit on the futon, ready to pass out. But I want to address his stuffiness. _Shit_ , I know from experience _he_ certainly won't.

"So," I sigh, when Dojima sits on the couch. "How long am I exiled for?" I fan my arms around at the futon and the crammed way all my crap is stuffed into this tiny bedroom.

His face falls. "It's not like that."

"Yeah?" I ask, reaching for one of the melon sodas on the coffee table. "Then tell me what exactly _is_ going on."

Now he does grab a cigarette, also taking out a pack of matches. "No—" I start, aggravated.

"Hmm?" he asks around the paper stick in his mouth, puzzled.

I push my lighter across table and he takes it, shoving the matches back in his pocket. He's a bit red, probably not from the fire.

I patiently let him take a few drags on the cigarette before he starts talking. "We need to start over." He stares at me seriously, his brows coming together like he's trying to say something tough. I can't say I didn't see it coming, so I just nod for him to go on. "I want us to get this right, so we should just try and get to know each other and take our time figuring this out."

Am I being dumped? After I _moved in_ here?

 _That's..._

 _Beyond bizarre._

"Huh?" I let the sound anxiously escape my throat.

He rubs his temple; nervously taps his foot. "We could redo this and make it better. We don't need to rush back to where we were."

"Am I being dumped?" Might as well just ask outright.

" _What_?!" he sputters, almost spitting the cigarette to the floor. "No, moron!" he gruffly asserts. "No. No!"

I fall onto my back. "Then just explain it so I understand. And I don't know what you're used to, but people don't usually take baths together on a first date."

"Oi," he warns. "I didn't mean go all the way back, just start somewhere comfortable." He's wearing that pissed-off look he gets when someone finishes the coffee. "Don't you want time to get used to being back, sleeping in your own bed? Having your own space?"

I groan loudly, making sure he can tell I'm getting aggravated. "I told you not to feed me any of that tortured-ex-con crap. I'm fine."

Dojima sighs, snorting a big cloud of smoke. "Then let _me_ just get used to this, alright?"

"Uh-huh," I noncommittally reply.

 _Man I'm tired._ I pull the covers up to try and sleep.

Dojima rises, extinguishing the cigarette in an ashtray. "I'll just be down the hall if you need me."

"Yeah," I roll my eyes. "Because silence feels normal to me."

"Ugh," he replies. But he does retrace his steps, sits back down. "I'll just stay over here for tonight."

"Your choice," I tell him, getting settled.

* * *

Notes: The lyrics in the title are from "The World We Live In" by The Killers.

I would like to point out that, Adachi never had a healing ability in canon, but since he is the inverted Fool, he should have wild card abilities. For the purposes of this story, he is able to contract with and summon other personas/shadows/demons. There is more to it, but that will be explained in-story during later chapters. In today's chapter, he mentions he's inept at healing. He has tried using dia a number of times, but (I'm saying he) was crap at it because his pre-Mukidashite, in-game stats were phys-stacked. I also like the symbolism of scars. And crazy Adachi probably likes scars, anyway.

I would like to warn that with the chapter coming tomorrow, I have begun taking liberties with everyone's suspended disbelief. I am taking canon ideas from both Persona and generalized SMT into account in terms of abilities/powers, demons/shadows/personas, and lore. I have only played the Persona and Devil Survivor series, but have freaking COMBED the SMT Wiki trying to find interesting plot devices as well as to learn their facts. So while this story is headed somewhat off-the-tracks in terms of canon-Personaness, I do make it clear that the story-world is changing, like how Teddie senses things are weird.

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	10. Into the Woods (Oretachi)

Chapter Three: Into the Woods

(Teddie)

"You're gonna be good today, right Bear?" Kanji asks me.

I beam at him, crossing my legs over the dashboard. "You know it~"

"Don't be all over Nanako and Adachi."

I nod, shaking my whole upper body for emphasis.

"And don't call him Aniki-chan," he orders. "It's frikkin' creepy and he doesn't like it."

"Nooooo," I moan. "He's like me now. I'm calling him that." I fold my arms. "I've never had a brother before!"

"Oh man," Kanji gripes. "Just try to act normal." He's quiet for a minute, but then asks a favor. I _love_ favors! "Do keep an eye on them, though, Ted."

"Mm-hmm!" I sit up, ready for action! "Of course I'll protect everyone!"

"If I'm not coming, I don't wanna get back and have everyone not talking to each other, okay?"

I wave my hand in a salute and Kanji shakes his head at me. I love making him laugh.

We park on the side of the road and I jump out of the car. Kanji is going to take Dojima to the bookstore, today. Nanako asked Kanji to make him go somewhere so she can come with the rest of us into the TV. She's never been before, so I'm really, _really_ excited! She told her dad she can't go with them because she has to finish a school report someone dropped the ball on.

I turn the door handle and kick off my shoes. "Ted-aima!" I call, enjoying my pun.

I hear Dojima groan and see him drop his head onto the table. "Morning!" I waggle my fingers and grab a bowl for rice and soup. The others always look at me funny, but I like to mix them directly.

"How are you doing this wonderful morning, Dojima-san?!" I take a seat next to him with my food.

"Fine," he raises his head. "You're not going to bother Nanako, are you? She's working right now."

"Of course not!" I tell him. "I do want to see Aniki-chan, though."

Dojima snorts. "He's asleep."

I look at the watch Kanji got me. "But it's—" I stop. "Wait. Whaaaat?!"

Dojima leans over and twists my arm. "It's upside down again, kid," he tells me.

 _Poop_. I fix it and announce that's it's already eleven. Kanji drops down onto another chair and looks around at us.

"Ted, I fed you," he complains.

I drink the rest of the soup. "I like theirs better," I smile at Dojima and he pulls the paper up so he can't see me.

"You not ready yet?" Kanji scolds him, yanking the paper back down.

"I wanted..." Kanji stares expectantly. He sighs. "I wanted to at least wait until Adachi wakes up."

"Man no!" Kanji tells him. "We gotta get going or they're gonna sell out of the new book I want. That's what happens when there's only one bookstore! His lazy ass will sleep all day if you let him!"

"I'll go wake him," Dojima grumbles, setting down the paper. He plods up the stairs and Kanji turns to me.

"Wash that," he says. I puff out my cheeks in defiance, but clean it in the sink. He pulls out his phone. "I'm gonna tell Yukiko to get their butts over here." I watch him type slowly on his old phone.

"This'll be great!" I smile. "I haven't been back to my hometown in so long!"

Kanji drags a hand down his face. "Magatsu-Inaba isn't your hometown."

I get right up in his face, challenging him. "My. Town."

"Teddie!" he groans. "It literally means 'evil Inaba'. Just say Inaba is your hometown."

"But," I try. "This makes me sound like a traveler!"

Kanji groans again, in a crappy mood, and stands. "Ojisan!" he hollers up the stairs. "We gotta move!"

Dojima clomps down the stairs a second later, and they both put on their shoes. "Let the others be," he warns me before shutting the door behind himself and Kanji.

I quickly text Yuki and dash up the stairs.

"Aniki-chan!" I yell, ripping open Adachi's door.

"Waah!" he yells and falls over, in the middle of pulling on shorts.

I hear Nanako giggling as she comes towards the room. "What?" I ask.

"Dammit, you scared me!" Adachi roars. "Get the hell out so I can change!"

"Aww," I whine but step back to the hallway.

"Hi, Teddie," Nanako greets me, poking my back.

"Mornin'!" I brightly reply. "You ready for today?! This is where I'm from!" I can feel a big smile on my face, and she returns it with one of her own.

"Yeah!" Nanako nods. "I'm sure it'll be really cool." We don't mention the fact that we're only going to destroy it, but I guess that's just how things have to be.

Adachi finally opens his door and calls us in.

"Sit," he commands. I listen immediately and plop down on the couch. I notice he's set his big-screen television on the floor so it'll be easier to go into. _Smart_!

We're using Adachi's TV because he has the biggest one and it can go directly to where we need to be.

"What's wrong?" Nanako asks.

"Today," he begins. "Seriously. Don't leave me alone with Narukami." _He looks angry..._

I nod right away. "Got it~ I'll stick by Aniki-chan's side all day!"

Nanako just stares Adachi down. "Get along," she demands. "You can stick with us, but you have to at least get along, alright?"

Adachi nods, giving in a little.

We hear the others call from downstairs and Nana shouts to come up here. When Yuu and Yukiko enter the room, we all exchange greetings, and then get right down to business.

 _I get anxious when I realize everyone's staring at me!_

"Oh-okay!" I try. "Today we'll be entering Magatsu-Inaba through Aniki-chan's TV and sealing off the exits." I point to the television, hoping to catch everyone up. "It'll be a quick mission, and we have till the others get back... In maybe three hours. If we can't finish, we will make a plan to continue next time."

I meet each person's gaze, assessing they're helpfulness. "Today will be Nana-chan's TV World Debut, so we have to be careful that she doesn't get sick," I caution the others.

"Oh..." I've realized something. "Did Aniki-chan ever get sick after his first time on the other side?"

"Huh?" Adachi scoffs. "Why would I get sick?"

"Everyone but myself was bedridden for a few days from the strain of awakening their personas," Yuu explains.

"Hah," Adachi mocks. "Weak." Yuu glares at him, but lets it go.

"Actually," Yukiko adds, turning to Adachi. "How did you get back out of there on your own? We needed Teddie to pull us out."

"I don't know," Adachi huffs. "It would just happen when I wanted to go back. It's easy if you're—" He closes his mouth when he catches Nanako's unamused expression.

 _I can do that!_

"Like me!" I squeal. Yukiko and Yuu nod in agreement.

"Are we ready?" I ask them all.

They nod in turn. "Then let's get going~" I grab Nana-chan's hand and pull her along with me. "Just jump at it when I do," I instruct. She nods, still not quite believing she'll actually land in a different world. "I won't let go. Promise!" I grin disarmingly at Nana and leap feet-first at the large screen.

I feel the familiar sensation of falling through mud until we break through to the other side. Then the falling gets a lot faster.

I'm glad I got so much taller, because I can hold Nanako like I'm picking her up. It's hard to land on your feet the first time.

"We're here!" I shout. I see her blink a few times, uncomprehending what happened. I set her gently on her feet. "This is the TV World." I sweep my arm around, encouraging her to take in the strange place.

"Wow," Nanako breathes. "It's similar, but darker. And creepier." She giggles at that last part.

I smile back, relishing the familiar feeling. There are bits of fog drifting around, but not nearly as much as before. I can hear the others coming down the chute. It sounds like a big whooshing.

Yuki lands nearby, followed by Adachi and then Yuu.

Yuu speaks first. "There's fog."

I nod. "It's not bad, but there is a little. Did you bring your glasses?" He and Yukiko put theirs on and glance around, able to see a bit better. "Do you guys need glasses?" I ask Nanako and Adachi.

They both shake their heads, unsure.

"Why?" Adachi asks. "I only need them when I read." Yukiko laughs a little too much earning herself a glare from the man in question.

"They need them to see through the fog," I explain to the newbies.

Nanako shakes her head. "What fog?" she innocently asks.

Yuu's jaw drops. "You don't see fog?" he asks, disbelief ringing his words.

"I can see some mist, but it's not really fog."

Adachi nods. "It never really bothered me."

They are different.

They _are_!

"Well," I cut off any more questions. "If they're fine, let's go seal off the Amagi Inn, the Shopping District, and then take care of this bit last." Better to start with the farthest away. "We need to take care of anything that parallels the real world so shadows and things can't get out."

Everyone nods, and I lead the way to the first area.

When we arrive in the replica of what was Yamano's room, everyone is quiet. "This is where everything goes parallel. So we need to go back through that tunnel and block it." They nod their assent, and we make our way back through the strange bit of nothingness. I don't drop Nana's hand for a second during these trips. I would hold Adachi's too, but he doesn't seem bothered by any of this...

 _I mean he did create it all._ I chew on my lip, wondering what kind of a person could do this. I want to know more about him because he feels so familiar, but he wasn't nice at all.

Back on solid ground, I do drop Nanako's hand and hold both of mine out to Adachi. "Help me," I demand. He looks at me stupidly. "I've never done this before and you have a lot more power."

 _And I'm a little worried it'll feel like losing a piece of myself._

"He does?" Yuu breaks into my thoughts.

"Huh?" I ask. "Well yeah, you didn't notice?" Adachi is glaring at me. "What?"

"He said he can't even summon his persona anymore," Yuu declares.

That's probably true, but I think there's more to it. "Well, Magatsu-Izanagi is gone," I tell Yuu. _I don't want either mad at me..._ "But that doesn't mean he's powerless." It feels like a good compromise. They both glare at me for another minute, but then Yuu sighs and Adachi grabs my hands, looking like he wants to get this over with.

I give Adachi instructions, and then we both work our magic while the red doorway starts to glow brighter. I close my eyes, but can feel its heat until it feels like I'm on fire. Then it goes dark with a thumping feeling.

I can feel my knees go weak and I'm starting to fall over, but Adachi grips my hands tighter so I can stay up. When I finally open my eyes, he looks completely disinterested, but eases his grip as I balance on my own. I smile up at the taller man. "Thanks."

He makes a derisive noise and drops my hands, shoving his own in his pockets.

"Next!" I call.

We take care of a few individual areas in the shopping district, and then close off the whole thing altogether.

 _It hurts a little. Like someone died..._

 _I've never seen someone die, but I think this is what it would be like._

I think it'll get better when we go back outside, back to the house, but right now it feels like a hole inside me.

As we trudge around the weird stage where I first met my friends, Nana walks beside me and takes my hand. "I'm happy I got to see this, Teddie," she smiles a little.

I sigh, my shoulders slumping. "Thanks, Nana-chan."

"Are you okay?"

I nod. "Just tired. Only one left!"

Nanako and I walk back over to the others.

"Okay!" I yell. "We'll take care of this from Aniki-chan's entrance area, warping out while we work."

We gather around the area where we all came in. I hold out one hand to the others. Yuu takes it, offering his own to the girls. I lock eyes with Adachi, who should occupy the other end of the line. "You seal while I take us back," I tell him. He nods slightly, warily accepting Nanako's small hand.

"Close your eyes," I tell them.

With my own eyes squeezed shut, I concentrate on getting everyone out at the right moment. Too soon and it won't work right.

It starts to feel really hot again. I hear someone gasp, and know it must be bad. I take us away.

We pop out of the rippling glass one by one, everyone landing roughly on their bums because we're still holding hands.

I feel so tired. "G'night," I hear myself say to the others, loosening my grip on Yuu's hand.

"Teddie?" someone calls my name.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	11. Through the Rabbit Hole (Oretachi)

Chapter Four: Through the Rabbit Hole

(Nanako)

"Aah!" I scream, looking around at the others. "Teddie!" He looks so worn out.

Yuu-kun and Yukiko are conferring among themselves, but I'm too worried to sit still. Before I realize what I'm doing, I grab my friend's hand and feel something flow between our connection.

"Waah!" Teddie screams, bolting upright like he's waking up from a nightmare. "Sarasosha!" he yells.

"Wh-what?" Big Bro stumbles forward, confused.

"I saw it!" Teddie insists. "It's true!"

Adachi's peering at me from the corner of the room, out of the chaos. I can tell he wants to talk to me, but I'm surrounded by the others, who are already questioning me rapid-fire.

Finally Yukiko tells Big Bro and Teddie to back off a bit. "Let her breathe, you guys! She might pass out next."

"Why?" I ask her. "I feel fine." That quiets them all.

"It's probably because she went over to that side that it's manifesting now," Adachi surmises.

Yuu-kun wheels on him, advancing as he speaks. "Yes, I heard you were testing her abilities whenever she visited you."

Teddie jumps between them. "Well wouldn't you wanna know what's going on instead of having her figure it out all on her own?" he asks, looking pretty nervous. Yuu-kun just glares at Adachi, but backs away.

"Well, why don't we figure this out later," I ask. You guys have to get going before Dad gets back or he'll be wondering why you're all here."

Yukiko nods and pulls Big Bro out of Adachi's room. I can hear her talking to him all the way down the stairs. When we finally hear the front door click shut, Teddie jumps on the couch, looking worn out.

"You healed me, Nana-chan! I feel so happy~" he closes his eyes. "Now just let me rest..."

"Hey no!" Adachi whines at him. "Go sleep downstairs or something."

I laugh. "Let him be, Adachi-san. I'll make some lunch if you come down with me."

"Okay," he relents. I close the window because it'll get chilly when the sun goes down, and then lead Adachi down the stairs.

"What do you want?" I ask him, rummaging around in the fridge.

Adachi sighs and slumps down on a dining room chair, facing me. "Anything's fine. It all beats the crap I've been fed up till now. Your cooking's so good~" he gives me a big smile.

 _Now I get the nice Adachi, huh? After he wore out the angry one with the others..._

"Mmh. Cold soba okay?"

He nods eagerly, and I put on a pot to boil. I root around for the tsuyu ingredients, then pull out a saucepan. After I light the stove, I look over at Adachi. I get the feeling he wants to tell me something because he keeps staring.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"If," he falters and pauses. "If we're going to live like this form now on. You can just call me Tohru—I don't mind." He's looking down like he expects that I'm going reject the idea.

I feel myself smiling instead. "Hmm," I try and he looks up at the warmness in my voice. "That's good... But how about Tohru-jisan?"

He looks dumbfounded, just opening and closing his mouth a few times before he speaks. "Like 'uncle'?" he eventually asks me.

I nod. "It's good, right?"

Tohru quickly returns the gesture, like I'll change my mind before he can respond otherwise.

After the food's done, I go tell Tohru to wake Teddie while I carry everything to the low table. Dad and Kanji bang through the door as the other two are coming back down the stairs.

"What'd you get?" I ask the guys, grabbing more plates.

"Light novels," Kanji admits and Teddie 'ooh's in approval.

Dad frowns, like he'd rather not tell us. "What is it?" I prod.

"They rereleased some Yokomizo novels..." he sets the bag on the table and I pull out the one on top, peeling back the store's paper cover to see which one it is.

I move on to the others. "Your favorites," I smile.

"Yeah," he grumbles, putting them away in the living room. "I don't need new copies, but they're nice editions."

We all grab our food and move to the low table. Dinner is easy as we all chat and slurp our noodles.

 _Morning..._

I climb out of bed and stretch my back. I check my phone and answer a text from Teddie. He probably isn't up yet, as it's only seven, but he'll get it when he does wake.

I change and wonder what I'll do with my day off.

 _I'm glad I got to skip school yesterday and see everyone. I wonder who's coming by today. Maybe Big Bro will stop in before he leaves, but I know he'll return to Inaba soon anyway. He seems really tense about Tohru living here._

I pad downstairs, wondering if Tohru is even up yet. I do know Dad's friend is coming today.

 _I hope it goes well..._

 _I doubt Sakamoto likes Tohru. I still don't know the whole story, but he did kill people._

I should find out sometime—What actually happened. Dad doesn't seem to care, which makes me doubt he's that bad.

But Tohru can look really mean sometimes, too. He doesn't look at me like that, but I see it with Yuu-kun and the others. Like they're way beneath him.

"Morning, Dad," I call, picking my mug off the shelf. I pour some coffee and grab a bowl of soup.

"Get chopsticks," he tells me. "I made fish." I nod sleepily and take a pair from the drawer.

"When's Sakamoto-sama coming?" I ask, taking a seat.

Dad checks his watch. "He didn't give me a time. He knows I'm up so early, though... So anytime, I guess." He shrugs, not really bothered.

"Do you want to wake Tohru-jisan?" I inquire. Dad stares at me squarely. "You know you're going to be angry if he looks messy," I point out.

"So when did this 'jisan' stuff start?" he deflects.

I put down my bowl. "Yesterday."

"Uh-huh," he replies.

"You want me to just call him Adachi-san forever?"

Dad sighs. "You know you don't need to forgive him so easily just because I do," he says in a practiced way. He turns to face me. "You should know that," he emphasizes.

"I'm alright," I shake my head. "I'm not bothered by any of this. I'm actually enjoying talking to him. It's nice having someone else around."

Dad's forehead creases like he isn't sure how to say what he wants to tell me.

"What?" I ask, knowing he isn't going to answer any of my old questions. "Someone's going to have to explain it eventually. Until then, I'll deal with things my own way."

"Just do whatever makes you comfortable," he says after a pause, ending the conversation.

I nod and go back to my food.

While I'm washing my dishes, I hear the doorbell. I glance over at Dad who goes to open it, looking at me as though he's just realizing he never woke Tohru. I roll my eyes and cross to the stairs. I hear the two greeting each other as I hurry up.

I knock on Tohru's door a few times, but don't get an answer. Unsure, I open it nonetheless. The sight I'm greeted with makes me shut the door behind me, worried the others will hear the fuss.

He's still asleep on the futon— _I think._ He's writhing and covered in sweat. He twists around frantically, finally smacking his arm on the coffee table with a loud _whunk_. He's making panicked little noises, and his face is all contorted.

Not wanting to get whacked, I squat by his feet. "Tohru-jisan!" I ask loudly. There isn't a response.

 _He looks so scared..._

I try again, but finally retreat from the bedroom to grab a cup of cold water from the bathroom. I quickly walk it back, hoping the others are getting along all right downstairs.

I take a deep breath and toss the cold water as far as I can. It lands along his chest and neck, making Tohru bolt upright immediately. As he works to catch his breath, the rage in his eyes fizzles quickly to surprise when he realizes it's just me.

"You were having a nightmare," I confess. He nods. "I didn't know how to wake you."

He shakes his head again and lies back down.

"Er—No!" I call. "You have to get up, the chief is here."

Tohru moans and sits up again. "You said I don't have to see anybody I don't want to."

I roll my eyes, considering. "I don't think Sakamoto-sama _hates_ you, you know."

"Oh I doubt that, Nana-chan," Tohru chides, squinting to find the right little box of pills on the table.

"You think Dad would've had him over if he did?" I counter.

Tohru snaps his mouth shut, wanting to argue about yesterday, but clearly not bring up Big Bro's attitude and fight with me this early in his morning. He grunts and swallows a bunch of chalky-looking pills without a drink.

He sighs after, but stands and picks out an innocuous tank top and a pair of shorts. He pulls them on and sits back down, stalling.

"It'll be fine," I try to assure him. He continues to eye me warily.

I motion for Tohru to come with me back downstairs, and his eyes zip around the room. He snatches an old Gameboy from the TV table and slides it into his pocket. He winks at me and makes a shushing gesture, keeping a poker face the whole time. I have to laugh as he slides by me, but I feel a prickle of worry when he waves a hand over his face and it morphs into the goofy grin he always used to wear.

Before I can question the change, he's starting down the stairs.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	12. Manzai (Oretachi)

Chapter Five: Manzai

(Ryoutarou)

"I'm sure you'll see that everything is normal and feel much better," I assure Sakamoto, pouring him a cup of coffee. I hear offbeat clomping on the stairs and know Tohru is finally among the living. I take down a second guest mug and fill it for him, as well.

"'Morning," I say to Tohru, as he busies himself with plating breakfast.

"Hey," he replies not bothering to turn around. It's good he's acting normal but I do wish he would at least acknowledge our guest.

I place one mug in front of Sakamoto, who thanks me, and tell Tohru I'm putting his on the table. Nanako is just settling into the couch with a book, when Tohru has his first outburst.

"This isn't mine," he jokingly declares, setting down his food and whisking up the cup of black coffee to dump it into his regular mug—

 _The one that matches mine and Nanako's._

I snap around to give him a look that says to drop it, but he only narrows his eyes and takes it as a challenge.

 _Crap._

 _Shit._

 _I'll even venture to say _fuck_..._

 _This is not starting well._

When I turn back to Sakamoto, he's throwing me a questioning look of his own. "The matching mugs are... _Cute_."

"Right?!" Tohru gushes, dropping into the chair next to me.

 _I could slap him. I'm clearly trying to maintain an appropriate distance._

"Yup," Sakamoto replies, turning back to smile sarcastically at me, then returning his gaze to Tohru. "How have you been?" he amiably asks, even manages to crack a smile.

Tohru is happy to play right along. "Oh, you know," he begins, his tone oozing with obsequiousness. "The vacation was spectacular, but now it's back to the grind!"

I have a perfect view of Nanako trying to suppress a bout of laughter as she pulls her book up to hide her face.

"Mmhm," Sakamoto nods, as if they're all in on a joke. "And are we feeling better?"

"Peachy!" Tohru grins and raises his mug. "I could really get used to being part of a family."

"Mmm!" Sakamoto enthusiastically replies, taking a gulp of his coffee.

I reach for a cigarette and my matches, but before I can strike one, Tohru has his damn lighter lit in front of my face.

 _I am definitely not going to snap._

 _Not going to lose it._

But I _am_ getting a migraine.

I learn forward so I can light the smoke and take a large drag, exhaling a large cloud that hangs over the table. "Are you two morons done?"

The other two men look at me innocently for a long minute.

Sakamoto finally breaks the silence. "Okay then, who wants to tell me what the fuck is really going on here?" he soberingly demands.

I see Nanako shoot Tohru a look that seems warning, but I'm not positive how much she knows.

Tohru sighs and looks back to Sakamoto, his old boss. He drops the false smile and asks what the chief really wants to know.

"Why did you come back here?" Sakamoto probes. "A place like Inaba isn't going to be happy seeing a person of interest crawling back." Tohru doesn't even wince at his sharp words.

He simply replies with a straight-faced attempt to fish for information of his own. "And why do you think someone like me would return?"

Sakamoto motions he wants a refill and I grudgingly carry the cup to the counter. "You certainly seem awfully chummy with the Dojimas."

I don't like not seeing what Tohru's showing in his expression, and wish I said the pot was empty.

"Hmm," Tohru intones. "I seem chummy with Ryou—" I turn around and Nanako is already motioning for him to cut it out. I practically run the cup back to the table, almost spilling the coffee. He glances at Nanako and reigns himself in a little. He pretends like he's perking up and replaces the worn smile. "I can't help it if they like me," he coolly replies. I stub out my cigarette, wishing he would shut the hell up.

"Well I'll be keeping my eye on you," Sakamoto tells Tohru, who leans over to sling an arm around me.

I glare at him. "Adachi." His mask slips for a second and I see hurt mixing with too much indigence.

Sakamoto nods evenly and swivels around in his seat. "Anything to add, Nanako-chan?"

"I'm fine with whatever Dad wants," is her usual reply. "He's like an uncle, anyway. You don't always get along with family."

"That's... _Mature._ " Sakamoto takes it in thoughtfully. "And you know, I have a present for you, Nanako-chan. How about we go out back?" Nanako nods and bookmarks her progress. "Am I like an uncle?" Sakamoto tests.

"Sorry," Nanako shakes her head apologetically.

After they exit through the sliding door, I smack the back of Tohru's head. "Moron!"

"Oww!" he whines.

I raise my eyebrows, dumping his untouched black coffee into my own mug. "I've seen you break your own finger and not bat an eye. Save me the performance!"

Tohru folds his arms, pouting and letting his real feelings show through his light-colored eyes once again. I wince. "It was really that bad?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"And here I thought police weren't supposed to be liars..."

"You know that was a stupid stunt you were trying to pull," I counter, draining the bitter coffee in one swig. "You want him to think I've cracked up?" I slam my cup down on the table. "Because showing clear intimacy with the perpetrator of your last big case is a good way to get taken off the force." I know I'm raising my voice, but I feel too pent-up to care.

Tohru is still glaring, but he simply rises and starts to retreat.

"What do you want me to do?" I yell after him.

Halfway to the stairs, Tohru turns to flip me off.

When I can no longer see him, Tohru shoots one last remark down to me. "How will you play this in five more years, when I'm out of the closet?"

 _Oh yeah._

 _Ha ha._

 _Funny how other people look at us…_

I'm still fuming as take all the mugs to the sink and decide to go for a walk. I grab my keys, feeling sorry to leave Nanako with Sakamoto, but at the same time unable to face another inquisition.

In sneakers for a change, I quickly head further out of town at a good clip.

 _I thought he knew this was between us. I think Nanako knows, and some of the kids clearly do, but that's as far as it goes._

There's no sane way to explain it to anyone who doesn't know us well. And certainly no way at all to explicate it to people from the station.

 _I really hadn't thought very far ahead..._

I've been so looking forward to spending normal time with Tohru again that I hadn't thought much farther than this damn week. It's only the second day and we're fighting, back to oil and water.

 _Shit!_

I kick a rock, realizing I've made it to the edge of the woods already. _Too hot to run in pants, unfortunately._

I choose a path and start down it, planning to loop back around within the hour. I don't want to leave a mess behind me for too long.

It _is_ a mess, dammit.

 _I need to figure out a way to stay under the radar while making Tohru happy. If he's upset with me, he'll make damn sure I suffer too._

 _And yeah; okay. I don't like him upset. I can at least admit it to myself._

I'm not too far up the trail when my phone goes off. I huff and turn on speakerphone.

"Where the hell'd you go?" Sakmoto yells. "We were only outside for about twenty minutes..."

"Walk," I reply neutrally.

I can hear him snort. "This your usual walking hour? You go take a dump in the woods?"

"Uh-huh."

"That's what I figured." Headache's getting stronger. I rub my temple and wait for him to finish. "I'm not a dope. Meet me at Aiya's—We need to chat."

"Half-hour," I reply. "You are right about the woods part."

Sakamoto grunts and hangs up. I shove the cell back in my pocket and head back towards town. I'll bypass my house and make it in to town quicker. I don't need the car.

 **#**

Aiya's is thankfully busy, and Sakamoto has already snagged a booth near the back. I wave to that girl always at the counter, signaling I want a beef bowl, then hold my hand up in greeting as I slide onto the opposite bench.

"Liquor or coffee?" is my first question to Sakamoto. "I only take two drinks. One for work and one for not-work."

He chortles and tells me he already ordered a bottle of sake. _Fine by me._

"So start with the eyes," Sakamoto demands after we're brought the steaming carafe and cups. I sigh and take what he passes me.

"I really don't have a clue."

Sakamoto considers, looking thoughtful as he sips at the hot drink. "Are you positive they're not contacts and he's fucking with everyone?"

I have to laugh at that. "It's truly absurd how much everyone thinks I do or don't know." I take a pull from my own undersized cup. "Either people feel bad for me: the man who was duped by his lunatic partner."

I look my old friend in the eye. "Or like you, they believe I know every lurid detail and I'm foolishly protecting a madman. Well it's neither. You've heard that shit he was spouting about another world. He's screwed up, but he's not a bad kid. I'm sure it's treatable—He's taking the meds. And he was good in the prison. He deserves a friend to help him put the pieces back together."

Sakamoto's expression doesn't change, as he 'mmhmm's me quietly. I take a bigger swig off the hot drink and hold the cup out for a refill. "It's too hot to drink this crap, you know."

"Oh, do you want to pay?" Sakamoto challenges.

I roll my eyes and wait for whatever he has to say next. "I don't think you're dumb, Dojima, and I know he likes to pull shit. Like today." I feel a frown forming. I don't have an excuse, though. "He just seems a little too attached to you."

I certainly don't have a _good_ feeling about this. "So you _do_ think he's pulling one over on me, then?" I have to ask.

But Sakamoto shakes his head. "No," he tries again. "I think he's trying to plant himself into your life because he knows he _can_ —"

Sakamoto is thankfully cut off by the arrival of our food, but he mercilessly continues the second the waiter is gone. "He knows you'll let him stay because you don't like people taken out of your life and he has nowhere else to go."

Now it's my turn to chuckle and shake my own head.

 _That's not quite how it is. Everyone _has__ _us read wrong._

 _Just so incredibly wrong._

 _And it hits me—Is that how Tohru sees it?_

First I tell him we're starting over, and then I treat him so indifferently today?

"You still with me?" Sakamoto asks between mouthfuls of noodles. "Cause you haven't moved. Not even looked at your food."

I glance down, no longer hungry.

Sakamoto gulps down some water and rests his chopsticks. "Seriously, what's up?"

I know I need to move or say something but I'm completely frozen. _I feel like I'm missing signs and already screwing up a third time in a row and—_

 _And okay. _OK_._

 _Only one-out-of-two fuck-ups concerns Tohru, but still._

 _Still..._

I instinctively slip my hand under the collar of my golf shirt and remind myself why I prefer collars, even if it's not a workday; not a work-shirt. The faded knots of scar tissue remain although they're significantly less red and angry.

When I think back on the signs that something was wrong, this should have been a _big_ one.

The lesions looked horrific in the morning. The searing gouges and channels that wound through my skin healed to the braids of tissue there now. The fractal tattoo that is much lighter, but still runs from the base of my neck to halfway down my side...

I would've gone to the hospital, except there was no blood. Everything was closed.

"Uh, Dojima?"

I finally focus back to the conversation. "Yeah, it's fine. Sometimes the big one from the accident aches. I can feel it in the joint," I easily reply, feeling my face flush. I dig into the food so I don't have to talk anymore.

I fumble around, like I'm admitting an embarrassing truth, when truly I'm lying through my teeth.

Oh it was an accident, all right. But definitely not from the collision while chasing Namatame.

Just convenient timing, that.

Part of it did reopen when I was wrenched around from the accident that shitty day, and the hospital figured it couldn't be from anything else.

I can't say I'm positive how it happened, though I do know it's from an evening a few nights before, when I spent the night with Tohru, probably drunker than I'd let myself get since right after Chisato's death.

Tohru says I walked into an exposed wire. I can see myself doing that and forgetting, if I was that far gone. I didn't want to take care of myself back then.

What I _can_ recall is the smell of sizzling flesh...

I remember some of earlier, and then the next morning, but there are several gaps.

I eat in silence, hoping there will be no more questions I don't have answers for. No more questions from Sakamoto.

 _Or myself._

* * *

Notes: So there's a tiny bit of Dojima grappling with how other people see him. I'm going to get more into the whole "huh, I'm not exactly straight, I guess..." thing later on. I'm interested in writing a little about how sexuality is treated (or ignored) in Japan! I have a few experiences from my own time there, and always love a chance to write older characters grappling with what's going on. More on that after we completely jump the rails in a few chapters! Be excited!

Re-Edited 6/7/17


	13. Liars (Oretachi)

Chapter Six: Liars

(Kanji)

"S'cuse the intrusion!" I shout kicking off my sneakers at the Dojimas' threshold. "Oi?" There's no one around the open-plan first floor.

I call out again, wandering to the center of the room. "Ojisan?" It's quiet. "Nanako…?"

"Hey! Hey!" I finally hear. Then scrambling footsteps.

 _Aww..._ _Is he the only one home?_

"No, not you," I yell to Adachi. "I wanted the other ojisan."

"Yeah. Ha ha," he breathes, stopping in front of me. He's wearing only his boxers. "I'm not an old man. And you get me, apparently."

"Lucky me," I mutter, motioning to his lack of decency. "Where's Dojima?"

Adachi frowns. "He left," he grudgingly concedes. _Damn he looks pissed!_

"Yeah? Then I'll be back—"

"Woah _woah_!" Adachi motions for me to go sit. "Kanji-kun!" he soothes in a calmer voice. "Leaving so quickly?"

"Yes," I bluntly respond. "I don't wanna talk to you, especially not without the others around. And seriously, what the fuck? Did you just get up? It's like three o'clock!" I fold my arms. Remembering that too-sweet over-familiarity thing he keeps trying to pull. "And I'm not 'kun' to you."

"Piece of shit—" he mutters, narrowing his eyes. Then he snaps out of it in like a second and tries to laugh it off. " _Ha ha!_ Nothing! …Uh, go sit."

I shake my head. "No. I'm out." I turn to walk back to the door.

"Hey! No!" Adachi jumps in front of me super fast. I take a step back.

"What do you want?" I bark. I don't necessarily _hate_ him. But I also don't trust the snake.

Adachi's shifty eyes dart back and forth like he's considering what to say. "What am I?"

I don't have an answer, but he steps closer when I shrug. I take another step back, ending up on the tatami and remembering I wanted the door and not the living room. "...A murderer?" I finally reply. _That's not going to go over well,_ but I don't know what he's looking for here.

"No, idiot!" he groans, then stands up straighter. He looks me in the eye and gestures around at the house we're in. "In all of this, what am I?"

"Uh," I stall. That's not nearly specific enough. "A half-naked murderer?"

" _Ngh_!" Adachi moans and crouches down, clutching his head like he's in pain.

"What?" I ask. "You're not giving me enough to work with!" I complain.

"To _them_!" he gripes. "What am I to _them_?" He slaps the back of one hand into the palm of the other, trying to drive his point home.

"Ohh," I breathe. "Oh. I get it!" I nod.

"Yeah," Adachi growls. "Well I don't!"

"No," I scratch my neck. Now I gotta back it up for him. "I get what you're _asking_ , but I ain't going there. That's a second-party opinion, and I'm not getting in the middle. Why don't you talk to them about it?" _That'd make more sense._

Adachi just stares at me blankly.

"W-what?" I ask. I don't like that creepy look. It's worse than the sadistic smile.

"I'm not going to tell what counts as first, second, or third party. Obviously a teacher somewhere fucked you over big time." He opens his mouth to laugh, but there's no smile and it's awful.

He loses interest, sighs, and continues on. "Earlier when the Chief was here they both gave me looks when I was going to say I'm Dojima's boyfriend."

"Yeah," I sigh. "You should bring that up to them? Specifically Dojima? Definitely not me," I think I'm babbling. "And don't put that crap on Nanako, either."

He looks like he's pouting. Simmering and just getting madder.

"Aren't you a little old for the word 'boyfriend'? And I don't think it's that complicated. I mean, you are still in jail and all, technically." _I keep digging a hole. I know I'm digging but I can't see the top anymore and it's already so deep..._

Adachi's turning a shade of red that resembles a pickled plum. And he looks just as sour. He puffs out each word as a separate, seething huff: "Then. Why. Am. I. Here."

He's stalking towards me again, this time with clenched fists. "Hey, hey," I evasively blurt out.

"Why didn't he just let me rot in prison! This is _worse_!" Adachi howls and I jam my fingers in my ears—.God he's so _loud_...

When he cuts it out, I remove my fingers, giving him a look that I hope says his shit won't fly with me. "I will plow through you to get out of here if you do that again."

Adachi smirks and only then do I realize I've instinctively hopped up on the couch to push myself further away during his last trick. " _Really_." It's not a question. He's watching me dubiously, like he knows exactly what to do to work me up.

I glare at him until Adachi backs away again, keeping his eyes on me as I step off the couch and sit down. "There isn't much I can do for you. This is definitely a _you-guys problem_ that's going to blow up in your faces if you don't address it. So be a man and get it done."

I've never loved Teddie more than when I hear my phone toot the peppy ringtone he set for himself. "I gotta take this," I tell the crazy man, hoping I can get out of here. "H'lo?" I ask, picking it up right there when Adachi doesn't move from his stubborn spot between me and the front door.

"He-le-lo!" Ted cheerily sings out. "Where are you? Nana-chan has been waiting here for a while. She said you were meeting her."

"Yeah," I reply, watching Adachi crack various body parts out of boredom. "She said to meet at her house, but I'm stuck with just King Crazy right now. Where are you?"

"Our... House?" Teddie squeaks out, confused. "No," he listens for a few seconds. "She says it was definitely here."

I frown. "Okay, well I'll be there soo—" I pause. The wheels are turning. "Ted, why are you calling me?"

"She forgot—"

"Yup," I cut him off with a groan. "I got it. I'll be there soon. Just hang in and make some snacks or something—Bye." I punch the end call button and flick my phone shut before he can say anything else.

From the way I've been staring Adachi down, he must know I know. I can feel my switch about to flip. But if I lose it Adachi will think he won.

"What?" The other innocently man asks, as if I'm a total moron.

"If you took Nanako's phone," I evenly tell him. "I will break all of your fingers."

"Uh-huh."

" _Don't test me right now,_ " I tell Adachi, rising from the couch to stalk towards him.

The other man just shrugs. "I hate to 'break' it to you, but that doesn't really bother me, remember?"

I grind my teeth and get right up in his face. "Did you take her phone to call me?"

"All about _you_ , isn't it?" Adachi asks instead of answering the question.

" _Answer the frigging question._ "

He shrugs evasively. "She probably just told you the wrong thing."

Well, if he actually wanted me here, I'm ahead. "If you lie to me I won't talk to you next time."

" _Haven't_ touched it!" he brightly concedes. "But I did see it in the other room earlier."

"Didn't touch it?" I haltingly repeat for emphasis.

He shakes his head, holding up his palms. "I have _not_ touched it once~" I get the feeling he's hiding something, but I back off in the direction of the door. I bend down to tie my laces, keeping Adachi in my field of vision as he stalks closer. "But how about we trade numbers in case we ever need each other?" he smirks again.

He walks over and holds out his phone. I take it and tap in my info through the touchscreen. "If you text me crap I block you," is all I can think to warn.

Adachi actually laughs. "Ooh it won't be crap! And I sure hope we can get past this, Kanji-kun~"

I reach behind me for the doorknob. I don't think he'd do anything to me right after he asked for my number, but I still don't trust him. "Don't cross me," I forcefully command as I back out the door. I'm sure the backing away ruins the image of it, but whatever.

On the way home, I see Dojima walking in my direction. He waves to me all friendly and smiley. "Ojisan," I grunt when he stops in front of me, lighting up leisurely. I point in the direction of his house. "Deal with that crap!"

He deflates in an instant. "Oh," is the only thing he says, and then he goes back to the cigarette.

"You need to clear that shit up!" I'm not feeling friendly myself, but he looks so down, and I'm a sucker for that. I sigh, scratching at my head. "Adachi's in a real shitty mood. Talk. _Use words._ Be direct!" I groan. "If you don't address issues like 'that' they get bigger and bigger and then they murder half a village."

 _...Okay that last part was more for my benefit than his. And he looks more haggard than a minute ago._

I swallow my own frustration and try again. "Why don't you let Adachi know what you're thinking, okay? Again, _words_!" I repeat for emphasis. I bop Dojima's shoulder on my way past him, noticing the still-pained look on his face. I hear him sigh behind me and I let fly one last comment. "Good friggin' luck!"

* * *

Notes: This chapter just shot right out of my fingers! Originally the argument between Kanji and Adachi got way too heated and escalated to violence, and I had to cut it and reign it in a bit. Saving it in the clip for later though~ These two will either work it out or smack the shit out of each other before the story's done...

Re-Edited 6/8/17


	14. Mesh (Oretachi)

Chapter Six: Mesh

(Tohru)

When the damn kid stops bluffing and finally turns tail, I climb back up to my room, bored again.

 _Fuck, he's dumb as _bricks_!_

I didn't touch Nanako's phone, but the soot-covered snowman did. _It's not lying, per se, more like not telling the whole truth._..

The skinny blond kid must know what's going on, but it seems like his weird attachment to me is keeping a lid on everything. For now.

I recline on the futon, against the table, unmuting the TV so I can play more Miku. I ran downstairs so quick before I forgot to pause and lost the last level. I click through to retry, the inverse of a snowman floating slightly above the futon in the air next to me, watching me with interest.

"You wanna give it a go?" I ask, not really expecting an answer. When it instead holds up a bag of chocolate-covered potato chips I shrug. "Go for it, little guy."

 _This one negotiated with me even when I couldn't pay. Take the chips if you'll stay happy._

The only one who _is_ happy with me right now.

"Hee hoo~!" it chatters and opens the bag.

I give up on the game before it's even loaded. I toss the controller on the coffee table and turn to the small, puffy demon. He's happily stuffing chip after chip into his cartoon-y mouth, giggling like they're the best food in the universe. I don't disagree.

When there are no more chips, he just stares at the bag blankly.

 _That _is__ _disappointing..._

"Want some soda?" I curiously ask it. When the smile reappears, I hand over a mostly-empty bottle of melon soda.

"HEE~" It looks fucking ecstatic!

I watch as the little guy eats it like a jelly doughnut, excitedly surprised when soda squirts out after the metal is rent apart. "I... Guess that's one way. If metal is tasty." I'm at a bit of a loss. People don't often surprise me, but this thing's not a person.

"My friend~" it sings. "Hoo! New companion always gives me food!"

I don't know how long I talk to it and feed it various snacks, but the second I hear the door open, I order it to conceal itself. It turns transparent and leisurely floats out the window. All I have to do is call its name and it'll come back, and I couldn't care less what it does when I don't need it.

I hear its voice even though it's flown off. "Watch your back, hoo! Trial soon! Heee hooooo~"

"You're supposed to be watching my back," I mutter and pick up the controller once more. I restart the same level for a third time.

When I hear sandals slap the steps, I know it's Dojima who's back.

I could literally play the same level every day for years and he wouldn't notice. So as long as it's on, I've been playing for hours as far as he's concerned.

The music's up pretty loud because I was the only one home, but I hear the knock. "Come in," I yell over my own noise.

Dojima opens the door, takes one look at me lazing around undressed and closes it behind himself, groaning. " _This_ is what you've been doing?" he asks.

I nod, keeping my eyes on the screen. _Bet he's still angry._

"Where's Nanako? And why aren't you dressed?" _Reasonable questions._

I pause the game, and put the controller back on the table. I try to look confused when I turn to him. "Well she went out and it's so hot, so I didn't think it mattered as long as I stayed in here."

"Uh-huh," Dojima replies, sounding annoyed. He stays by the door, looking ready to bolt again. His hand's twitching like he wants a cigarette.

"Did you want something?" I demand. He's looking at the scars that litter my body, as if noticing them for the first time. I can tell the way his eyes rest every once in a while on areas I suspect have some of he larger ones. "Yes?" I ask in a strained tone, feeling surly now. "Enjoying the view?"

Dojima rolls his eyes, shifting uncomfortably. "I didn't realize how many new ones you have," he manages.

"Things happen in prison."

Dojima coughs. I watch him try to find a way to respond. He finally decides to change the subject. "At least your fingers set well."

Oh you don't even _know_ how terribly they set... _Fucking hacks couldn't have cared less if they actively tried. They're only normal because your daughter is some kind of healer or goddess or something. With her patience she should at least be a fucking _saint_!_

I throw on a fake smile, though, remembering he did try to help. "Yeah. Lucky me~!"

"Oh drop the act," Dojima brashly interrupts before I can take it further. "I know you're upset. Don't give me the fake you. Let me in."

I don't know how much _that'll_ happen, but a little should be okay for now. I do abandon the plastic smile in favor of my real, more neutral expression. He flinches, like usual.

I'm not positive, but I think it's the suddenness that gets him; the way I look so different from the me he thought he knew.

I stare up at Dojima and wait for him to initiate further conversation or to leave, proving to still have all the emotion maturity of a rock. When he walks to the couch and sits down, I do feel somewhat satisfied.

Not totally appeased, but a lot happier than I was. And it's like a bonus that I don't have to keep on my Happy Jester Face. It's fun most of the time, but when I'm worked up it becomes a chore. And I'm pretty pissed at the shitty way Dojima acts around me in front of people who aren't Nanako.

I'm not quite ready to give in and sit on the couch. So I instead lie down the rest of the way on the futon, hoping to get a little rise out of the other man. It's the least he owes me.

I hear a loud sigh and then the distinct rustle that a pack of cigarettes gives off. _That's playing dirty,_ I frown.

But I'm up on the couch before he can blink, purposely flicking the lighter too close to his face so Dojima has to back up. He regains his composure, clearly piqued, but he does lean forward to catch the end of his cigarette.

I can't help the smirk dancing across my whole face.

"One of these days, Tohru, you're really going to hurt me," is all he tiredly says.

It's not like I tried to light his cigarette with a bonfire. Just a tiny butane torch. It wasn't cheap-cheap, but it's not like I spent more than the price of takeout on it.

I let the smirk fall away, wondering if he'll engage me in anything serious if I give him the room he needs. I lean back on the armrest, waiting while Dojima de-stresses with his favorite vice.

He looks much calmer when he's smoking. You can see some of the muscles in his face visibly relax, as if it's something much stronger than mere nicotine and tobacco.

Dojima finally crushes the embers of the cigarette and looks at me wearily out of the corner of his eye. "Yes?" I ask, annoyed at having to wait while he smoked in silence, even though I do like the chance to just watch him.

 _I should also remember this morning. I don't want to give in on this._

He sighs and crosses one ankle over a knee. "I need to know I can trust you. For real," he tells me.

"Why am I even here?" I mutter.

"Because I _want_ to trust you," he leans over and affectionately nuzzles into my cheek.

"Oww—" I catch myself whining. "Shave dammit!"

"Every other day," he assures me, chuckling.

I pull away, nonplussed. "So what do I have to do?" I ask, standing up and pacing the room. "You can't be a jackass and then act like this."

It feels like Dojima's dragging this out annoyingly slowly. It's _agonizing_. He folds his arms behind his head and leans back on the old couch. "Give me time. I don't want to jump back in and screw it all up again. We have a chance to start over." He glances down like he's antsing for another cigarette out of anxiety.

"How much time?" I circle back to the couch, sitting down with my legs crossed.

"I don't know," he admits, rubbing the back of his head. "This is only the second day. Just let things move along naturally. It'll work out."

"You're not patient, remember?" I ask.

"I can be," he easily counters.

I glance down because I know I'm frowning. "I'm not." _Well that's quite the understatement._ "Are you going to always hide that we're together?" I know this is the make-or-break question, and by the pained look his face twists into, I can tell he knows it too.

I'm holding my breath again, afraid if I let it go I won't want to be around anymore.

But Dojima shakes his head. "No." He smiles a tiny smile. "We'll work it out, alright?"

I didn't even notice, but our hands are already twined together—When the hell did _that_ happen?

Before I can think better of it, I lean in to kiss him; the first kiss since I've been here for two painful days. Two long days wondering what the hell I would do if this wasn't what it was supposed to be anymore.

When Ryoutarou pulls away, he's smiling a real smile, looking grossly adorable. I lean back, sitting again. "Can you at least tell Nanako for now?" I nag, needing to see real progress.

I'm surprised when Ryoutarou simply laughs. "You don't think she knows?" He raises his eyebrows, giving me only half of the You-Idiot look this time.

"She told me she doesn't know why you never said anything," I counter.

"Oi!" Ryoutarou suddenly jabs me in the ribs and I let out a brief squawk.

I press my free hand to the area. "Oh what the _hell_!?"

He looks unhappy, but not angry. "What's with this 'jisan' business. What'd you do?"

"I asked Nanako if she wanted to call me Tohru, and she tacked the rest on herself. I just told her it was okay."

"Mm," the grumpy man replies. "So I have to tell her in words, even though she did that?"

I groan loudly, shoving Ryoutarou's shoulder. He bounces away, but rebounds right back to the same position, grinning. "Yes. Definitely yes." How is this so unclear to him! " _Yes-yes-yes!_ " I shake him.

I'm silent for a minute while he thinks to himself. "What am I supposed to say?"

"Don't look at me!" I exclaim. "I've never done this before."

Ryoutarou looks honestly surprised. "You've never dated before?" he asks nervously.

"Not..." Well I'm already on the Half-Truths Train. "Not men."

 _Not anybody._

 _But I'm not saying that after his somewhat alarmed reaction. Guess that one's going to the grave now._

Ryoutarou snorts. "Well neither have I, moron!" We fall into an uncomfortable silence this time.

"I don't think Nanako thought I would find anybody," Ryoutarou finally confesses. "All I did for so long was work. All the time. It was babysitters until she was old enough for a key." He doesn't look so good now. I wish he would get off this tract, but he probably needs to get it out.

A cynical bark of laughter brings me back to the moment. "I never thought life could be this good again," Ryoutarou shakes his head. "I didn't think things would change, and I certainly didn't think I deserved to be happy—I still don't. But now I have you and you need to help me _not_ lose you. I want you to feel comfortable here, with us. And in Inaba again. But I'm pretty set in my ways... So help me."

"Y-yeah," I stutter at his sincerity. I don't think he's ever asked anyone for help in his life before. "We'll figure it out," I assure him.

He's squeezing my hand so tightly, it'd hurt a normal person. I look down at the display and cover our hands with my other one. "And it's not like I can really go anywhere, so don't worry!" I can't help myself from making a crack. I don't like him so down like this.

"Tohru," Ryoutarou looks me seriously in the eye. "Don't joke about that. If you wanted to go somewhere else I'd help you. You're not stuck here and don't think you owe me something. I did what I did because I love you." I feel myself wince as he says it. He notices and repeats the phrase: "I love you," he softly tells me, as if it can start to rebuild all that was lost.

I so hate that word. It's one of the ones I despise.

I knew it had to come up in a conversation like this, but I can't stand it.

 _Don't you realize you're an idiot to give something so fragile to me?_

 _I don't have any love to give back. I have commitment and loyalty, attachment and passion, but those don't equal something as pure as 'love'._

Ryoutarou is watching me closely. He's hoping I'll at least accept his feelings all over again.

 _Of course I will. They're one of the few things worth something in this dump of a world._

So I have to give in and say it this one time.

 _I would_ "Love you." _if I knew how._

All it takes it those two words and Ryoutarou's dragging me to him, his face shining like the sun.

I cling to him and wonder how long it'll be before he remembers what a disappointment I am. How long before he regrets giving me anything; any sort of a second chance.

We sit like that until we hear Nanako announce that she's home. Ryoutarou nudges me away. "You should, ah, put on something else before dinner."

I look down, having forgot I didn't plan on even leaving the room again for the day. "Oh. Yeah." I step over to the dresser and pull a shirt and more shorts out. "I'm almost out of shorts," I grumble.

"How many times have you been changing each day?" Ryoutarou quizzes. I can hear the smirk in his voice.

I look around at the mess of tanks and shorts and tees strewn about the floor near the futon. "Uh?"

He laughs and motions for me to pass them to him. "You're some piece of work..."

"I _like_ having more than one thing to wear," I complain, collecting the stuff I've worn for only a few hours each.

I didn't think about it beforehand, but now his face looks tight again. "Hey," I start. " _No_ —Come on. It wasn't that bad... I have all this stuff now." Ryoutarou smiles sadly and takes the not unclean clothes from me.

"It's fine. We can always get more," he kindly replies as he hurries from my room.

"Ugh." This whole day has been filled with landmines. I don't know what will set him off, just like when we first met.

At least he's not so angry, this time around.

 **#**

Dinner only went slightly better, with Nanako and I keeping the conversation afloat. I promised to teach her some new card games afterwards, so now we're sitting at the low table, taking turns on King's Corners.

I get fidgety when it takes her more than ten seconds to choose her move, and start cracking each of my toes. She peers over at me, wondering about the noise.

"Hey!" I tell her. "This one'll be loud—Wait for it—"

She listens and jumps at the pop my big toe makes. "Eww!" she comments.

"Feels better, though," I say.

When I look back to the table to take my own turn, I don't see any moves available. "Also I win," she proudly replies, holding up her hands to show me that she's out.

"Oh, wow... You already beat me!" I'm a little taken aback at how quick she is to learn new games and strategies. I'd be irritated if it were anyone else who bested me so often.

"You two know it's already past ten?" Ryoutarou asks, more for Nanako's benefit than my own. He slides a bookmark into whatever he's reading and grabs a cigarette from a box on the floor.

I fall on my side so I can reach him with the lighter without having to get up. Nanako giggles while Ryoutarou just rolls his eyes. "And what am I going to do with all these matches I bought? Hmm?" he holds the paper stick to the flame though, wanting only to tease me.

Nanako isn't having it. "What brand?" she asks, grabbing the matchbook he'd laid on top of the box of smokes. "Because I thought pubs gave the ones with their names out for _free_."

A loud, long laugh bursts out of my throat. She's smirking while Ryoutarou gapes, looking appalled she'd throw him under the bus like that. The cigarette almost falls out of his mouth, but thankfully he remembers he needs to close it so the house won't catch fire.

I hold out a fist and Nanako bumps hers to mine. I know I'm grinning and I'll get shit for this later... But I haven't laughed so much in as long as I can remember.

"Hey," I call to him. "You've gotta be able to take it as well as you dish it out. If she didn't start developing a knack for sarcasm, you'd be _more_ concerned!"

Ryoutarou shakes his head, still mystified. Nanako smiles at me once more, then gets up to say goodnight to us.

When it's just the two of us, Ryoutarou turns to me, trying to process what just happened. "She's not like that often. But when she is, it's too much! She's like a little carbon-copy of Chisato, but she's getting my attitude. Throws me for a loop..."

"Oh she definitely dissed you!" I whoop, and climb up to the couch, dumping Ryoutarou's legs so I can fit.

His bemused expression hasn't gone away and he crushes his cigarette before speaking again. "She's seemed more animated with you the these past few days, than when it was just the two of us." He kicks his feet back up and on top of me. "It's nice."

 _I feel my chest tightening; a happy feeling._

"Good." Ryoutarou looks like he could fall asleep right here, but I'm more interested in seeing if he'll let me go back to sleeping in his room now that we talked some of this out. His eyes are drooping, so I try popping one of his toes—Can't help it if they're right in front of me. I yank hard and it cracks audibly.

"Yah!" he yelps, fully awake. I can't help snickering. "Warn a guy!"

I try to look remorseful. "It didn't hurt, did it?"

He sighs and shakes his head: the two replies I'm most used to. Then nods to the stairs. "We shouldn't sleep down here. I'm going to head up."

I grab his leg before he can get up. "Wait—"

"What?" he sleepily asks.

 _I hadn't considered what to actually say..._

I take a deep breath and give it a shot. "Let me come, too. I never wanted my own bed."

Ryoutarou rolls his eyes, but takes my hand this time when he gets up. "I heard Nanako tell Kanji she had her money on five days. Guess she lost."

"Wh-what?" I ask, confused.

"Nothing," Ryoutarou grins at me conceitedly. "I'm the winner anyway."

* * *

Re-Edited 6/8/17


	15. Roulette (Oretachi)

Note: "Roulette" is my favorite System of a Down song.

This point in the story is where I think they may start to get a little OOC. I'm working off the source material, plus the bits of personality I've cultivated myself. I hope you enjoy! :) Any feedback is SO welcome!

* * *

Chapter Eight: Roulette

(Ryoutarou)

"Oi!" I kick Tohru through the futon. "How long are you going to sleep for _?" I want to do the outdoor work before it gets too hot._

I pull the covers off of his face. Tohru groans and rolls over. I push the toe of my sandal into his hard back. "It's almost eight," I complain. "Nanako left for school a while ago."

Tohru quickly yanks the blanket back over his head. "I cooked for you and it's going to go cold." I feel myself frowning, but I can't help my annoyance. _I want to make the most of our time before it's back to work._

"Give me a minute!" Tohru whines, curling up into a ball. "It's so bright Ryoutarou!"

I feel a smile coming on when he uses my name, but it's not enough for me to let him sleep all day. If anything, it just makes me want him up more. "C'mon," I protest, squatting to yank the blanket all the way off him. "I lived with two kids and neither was this bratty!"

I playfully poke Tohru in the side. "Oww!" he moans. "Ryoutarouuuu!" He flails his feet that are still trapped under the covers. A snort escapes me as I try to stifle more laughter.

"Why's my pain so funny?" Tohru asks, peering out at me.

"It's—" I start, but clamp my mouth shut before I can say 'cute'. I feel heat in my face. That'd be too much, and likely not appreciated. I roll my eyes instead. "That doesn't hurt and you know it."

I sigh and sink to a sit. "I missed you."

Tohru looks puzzled, and completely disheveled. I'm happy his hair is shorter again, but the way it sticks up after he sleeps is downright ridiculous. "I was just sleeping," he mutters distrustfully.

"I'm being impatient," I admit. "I only have a few more days off."

"Okay," Tohru huffs. He throws off the blanket and reaches up for me. He yanks on my shirt, pulling me down to him.

I don't want to rebuff his pleas for closeness, but we had a plan for the day. So when he pulls me to him, I let him kiss me some, but then jump back up.

"Let's go!" I declare. "You said you were going to help me with the yard work."

Tohru lets out an overdramatic, strangled cry and kicks my shin. "Cut it out," I roll my eyes again, exasperated.

He sits up, looking a little more alert. "Let's do something else," he suggests, circling his arms around me. I shake my head.

"Yard work. If I have off-time the grass needs cutting. The bushes and garden need attention."

" _I_ need attention!" he howls.

"Touch me and I punch you." I raise a balled fist.

I stop.

 _Starting over…_ _Right_.

"You're not going to goad me into losing it," I tell him. "Now get up."

"Are you sure?" Tohru smiles innocently.

I bend down and grab the back of his head to bonk it into my own. He yips in pain and holds his hand to the spot. "Nope. Move."

Tohru groans and stands up. I move to the door and pull him after me, laughing. He glares warily, jutting out his lip like he's going to get angry.

I can't stop laughing so I ruffle his hair and hug him.

I take out a cigarette and walk past his room. "Put on something you don't like. It'll probably get dirty." I fish for my matches and head for the stairs, but Tohru's next to me in a flash. "Hmm?"

He has his lighter in his hand and he's smirking. I lean towards him and smile myself while he flicks it on to light me up. "Thanks," I curtly reply. "See you downstairs." I can hear him grumbling again. I stifle a grin. "Wear some of those pants you don't want!"

" _Ha ha!_ " he calls after me sarcastically.

Downstairs, I pour myself another cup of coffee and one for him. I mix sugar and cream liberally; the way I know he likes it. I put the mugs on the table and scoop some fried rice into a bowl. There isn't much I cook, but I don't think he'll care as long as there's something sweet to go with it. I open a melonpan I picked up from the store and stick it on a separate plate. _That'll do._

When I turn around again, Tohru's already in his seat, smiling. Probably at the sight of me serving food. "Oh shut up, Tohru," I grunt, sliding the dishes in front of him. I pull chopsticks out of my shirt pocket and pass them to him.

He's grinning like an idiot. "I wasn't going to say anything," he protests easily, politely eating the warm rice first, but not taking his longing stare away from the sweet bread.

I cover my smile, getting a kick out of how easy he is to read sometimes. _At this stage I know it's mostly for my own benefit, but that doesn't make it less fun..._

"I don't care if you eat the damn bread first," I finally tell him.

His bright eyes flick up to meet mine. "That'd be rude~" he chides in a singsong voice.

"Because that's high on your list of worries, right?" I ask, rapping my knuckles on the table. He smiles playfully before shoveling the rest of the rice in his mouth, swooping down on the bread the second it's gone.

"I didn't know we had melonpan, you know," Tohru says around a mouthful of puffy, sugared bread. "It's my favorite."

I nod. "I know. I went to the corner store earlier to get the paper. I normally I take a free copy from work." I watch him eat the crunchy parts last; concentrating more on a damn piece of mass-produced junk food than he ever did with his work. I put out my cigarette to keep from frowning.

"I didn't put any in your room because it can get moldy. The _rest_ of that crap would survive a nuclear winter." I feel a tone of disgust creeping into my voice—I really do hate sweet things.

"Next time?" he pleads like a kid, eyes shining.

I snort out a laugh. "Yeah," is the only answer I could ever give him. "Make a list or something so I know what you want..." I trail off. "I noticed most of the stuff I put in your room is gone. I'll make a run later, but don't forget to recycle the soda bottles—I haven't seen many in the bin."

 _He can eat as much of that shit as he wants. I won't say anything, but it's scary how scrawny he got. He's solid and strong, but it still makes me worry._

"Oh, sorry about that," Tohru replies. Dragging me from my thoughts. "One of the kids took care of it for me."

"That's good." I polish off my coffee as he dawdles, taking tiny sips from his own. "I won't let you finish that if you're going to drag this out," I firmly assert.

Tohru glares, but then drains the at-least-half-full the cup with one swallow.

"Alright," I grin, rising. "Let's get to work!" We shuffle the dishes into the sink and make for the garage. I grab the mower for myself and pass Tohru a garbage bag, telling him to weed the garden.

I'm almost all the way around the house, when I spot Tohru already sprawled out next the garden, done. He's lying next to the bag of weeds, not wearing any shoes, like usual. "That can't be good for your feet," I comment. The ground's not soft at all.

Tohru raises one foot and wiggles his toes. "I don't care. I missed being barefoot."

I have to bite back a twisted smile.

 _What else did you miss?_ _Tell me everything._

I wheel the mower back to the garage and take out two pairs of hedging shears. I toss one to the grass near Tohru. "Let's get this over with, then we can do whatever you want, yeah?"

He grunts and takes the clippers in one hand, the bag of weeds in the other. "Those can go in the garage," I tell him. Tohru nods and I set off to start on the trees in the back.

When we're finished with the yard work, I leave Tohru sunning himself on the grass while I return inside to grab a drink. I take a large bottle of Aquarius from the fridge and hastily gulp down half.

 _Damn I was thirsty..._

I cap the cold jug and bring it out back, throwing it in Tohru's direction. "Drink that," I order. He sits up and has the rest, although most if it misses his mouth and ends up all over him instead. I heave a sigh and slap a hand to my forehead. " _Moron!_ I already threw your other clothes in the machine earlier..."

He stands up, taking off his tee and throwing it and the empty bottle by the door. "Yeah," he remarks, looking like he knows something I don't. "Because you're going to wear that sweaty mess again, _right_?"

I look down, annoyed that my own shirt and pants are also pretty dirty. He waggles his eyebrows and guffaws.

I lean against the house and pull out a cigarette, knowing he'll rush over with that damn, ever-ready lighter. He does wander over to me, but instead of lighting my smoke, Tohru pulls it from my lips. I narrow my eyes, unamused.

I don't have time to complain, though, because then he's kissing me, sticking the cigarette in his pocket when I make a grab for it. I hiss out a breath when he wraps a hand behind my head, yanking me closer and pushing me into the wall at the same time.

"You think this is a good idea?" I ask when he finally lets up. I can't say I'm surprised when he just nods and grabs a handful of my hair, dragging my head back down to his. "You've only been home for four days."

"You said I get to pick after the yard work... I want to do _this_ ," he pouts. "It worked last time." He smirks. "Cleared up _all_ the awkwardness." I probably still look worried, because he adds that this is what he wants, clearly working through his list of things that break down my walls—and inhibitions.

And his serious words and love-struck expression make me want to trust him so much... I _ache_ for it.

I check my watch. _It's only noon._

"Alright," I decide, wrapping my arms around him. Tohru's eyes widen, and I can tell he clearly wasn't anticipating I'd give in that easily. I laugh and look down at him. "Let's go inside then."

His eyes dance as debates something before answering me. " _Outside,_ " he stubbornly demands.

"You're kidding," I counter, knowing he's not. He stares me down, unmoving, and I let my eyes wander, assessing the situation. The concrete wall is high, taller than us, but that doesn't make it seem like any better of an idea. I try my best to sound incredulous, even though nothing he says or does surprises me much anymore. " _This_ is what you want?" I raise my eyebrows.

Tohru flashes a nasty little grin and yanks me back down to his level. I strain against his hand, getting an idea. "I'll make you a deal."

He lets up, and I pull my head back again. "What?" the younger man asks me distrustfully.

"You get this and then we try acting normal for a while. For me," I tell him.

He squints, considering the offer. "Okay," he replies. "But you don't hold back," he challenges, thinking he's one-upped me.

Not a bit. _That_ I expected.

"Alright," I acquiesce, whirling us around, so he's the one pinned against the wall.

I think that surprised him, but I can't tell, can only see a smoldering intensity in his eyes.

Tohru grins and does a little hop, positioning himself higher, but still wedged between the wall and I. "Oi, your back," I complain, knowing there are going to be a host of new scratches. He doesn't seem to notice, just continues climbing, using the leverage he's got from my shoulders to wrap his legs around me so that I'm fully supporting him.

"You little shit," I chuckle. He seems too pleased with himself, that I'm letting him act so bratty and order me around. _I don't like him to think he can get away with whatever he wants, but I do enjoy indulging him._

Then we're locked together again, and we fit so well like this. Tohru's undoing my shirt buttons he can reach and there's a part of me still shocked he's actually back in my arms again, here in Inaba.

Something _I_ missed is the feeling of us on each other. But he'd probably laugh if I said that—And my mouth's busy anyway, remapping his.

We're like that for so long, just tentatively remembering the feel of each other. Hands all over arms and backs and necks and whatever else we can reach.

I finally pull away long enough to ask how far Tohru thinks we're going.

"You _said_ ~" he admonishes me, leaning forward to taste my neck. My next question catches in my throat, coming out as a groan instead. He snickers and clamps down his teeth a little.

 _That's enough for me—_

I tap his leg and he gets the message to extricate himself enough so that I can wrench his pants off, throwing them aside. Tohru laughs and reaches for mine. Instead of going for the belt, though, he just gropes around, touching me.

I must look annoyed because he's wearing the biggest shit-eating grin. I swat his hands away and take care of it myself.

"You really _are_ impatient," Tohru scoffs, feigning irritation.

"You're the one who said—" I start, but have to focus on catching Tohru when he bounces up into my arms again. "You wanna warn me?!" I breathe. He stares uncomprehendingly. "You want to get dropped? Cause that's how you get dropped. On to the pavement. Naked."

He looks bored, and rolls his eyes, so I continue. "...And then you get hurt and I have to go call the ambulance and explain why there's a naked guy with a broken arm or something in my backyard."

"That sounds like fun, watching you explain that one away," Tohru mocks, his eyes flashing. "I can break it if you want..." He holds up an arm and is smirking a little too maniacally.

I pinch my mouth shut, because I know he would. "Don't be like that." I hold up my right hand for him. "Here, help me with this."

"You do it," Tohru demands, leaning forward into my neck again. "Or don't," he whispers, but I'm not having it.

"Don't bite me!" I snap, and wet my hand myself. _He's a moron if he thinks I'm doing something that would hurt him..._

I hear him groan and then dig his teeth into my neck again anyway. "Dammit you've got no restraint," I mutter and start getting him ready. I push him into the wall for more support, and Tohru responds with moving on to my ear. My stomach's flipping over and over; I haven't felt like this in so long.

"Oi," I finally bark. "Don't take it off!" It's starting to hurt.

Tohru laughs easily and I shake my head. He shifts around to my right side, fingering my disfigured shoulder. I try to pull back so I can read his expression, but he leans further forward so I huff in irritation and give up.

After a while I ask if he's ready. Instead of replying, he simply repositions himself to a better angle, and I can feel his smile as he leans into me again.

I cautiously ease us together, restraining him from making me go faster than I want. "Geez," I complain. "Take it easy, alright?" Because I've got him locked against me, Tohru scrapes his nails along my back instead, and I grit my teeth, involuntarily slamming into him.

"Dammit!" I complain, having felt him tense up and go rigid. _Shit that couldn't have felt good!_

"Are you okay? Cut it out or I'm going to hurt you by accident!"

"No," Tohru grunts out, panting. "No that was good."

 _Huh_.

I sigh and try again, straining against myself now. The bastard does everything he can to get me to speed up, though, and I eventually give in, satisfied with the way he clings to me, and by little noises he's making that sound like it's going well.

 _I'd be happy like this forever. Just the two of us as one._

Unfortunately, it's over way too soon, though at the same time it feels like we've been at it forever. I pull him away enough, so I can reach up to help him finish, and then lean us against the wall of the house to catch my breath.

"Alright," I tell Tohru. "Off, off." _I'm tired..._

He grumbles but lets go of my neck and I set him down, stretching my back after. He sits on the ground, not caring to dress himself and I have to chuckle. I pick up my own pants and pull them back on, then dig another cigarette out of the pocket.

Tohru takes this as a challenge, of course, glaring at me at he scoots over to his own pants. "Hang on," he whines.

Sighing, I stick the cigarette in my mouth. "I don't want the sweaty-sports-drink one back, thanks," I sarcastically tell him, searching for the lighter near the stoop.

I know he throws his own damn lighter at me because it hits me in the back of the head. "... _Ow_." I fetch it from the ground and light the cigarette.

I sit on the step and wait while he fights with his pants and then comes to sit next to me. I'm silent, enjoying the satisfying jolt of nicotine.

Then I do it—I turn to Tohru and say the one thing I need to, although I know it'll make him sour. "I love you," I warmly smile.

Tohru stares at me guardedly. I blow a puff of exhaust in his face and he wafts it away while I laugh. "Just accept it, yeah?"

"I'm yours," he seriously replies, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. I know from experience he's also thinking that I'm his, and if that's as far as we're going to get, I can accept that for now. But I'm resolved to tell him how I feel every day.

 _I'll wear him down until he realizes the truth in my words._

I go back to concentrating on the cigarette, surprised when he speaks again. "I can give you commitment and loyalty. I can give you protection and passion. I can even give you my life. But I don't think those things are the same as your concept of 'love'."

 _I swear this conversation always breaks a little piece of my heart._

I sigh, unsure how I will ever be able to convince him that this _is_ love. Tohru's still watching me closely, and his face has gone pretty blank again—I'm still not used to that look, but he says it's his 'thinking face'.

"Ryou?" he asks, and I perk up at my name.

"Yes?" I reply, holding the cigarette away from my face, expecting some kind of complicated question.

 _Tohru looks like he's considering something, but I can't read him like this, so I guess I don't know..._

"Are we still doing things I want?"

"Why not?" I shrug. I check my watch, expecting him to ask if we can go again. I flick ash to the ground, pointing out the time. "We've got at least three hours before Nanako and her annoying escort show up... Teddie's been walking her home for a few weeks, now. Which is nice, except then he wants to stay for dinner, and—" I stop as my hand is torn out of my field of vision.

I hear Tohru grunt briefly and then feel him release me.

"What the hell was that?" I holler, bringing the dwindling cigarette back to my mouth. I try to take a pull, but don't get anything.

I tip the butt end towards my face, feeling dread pool in my gut— _It's definitely out._

I can't comprehend what's happened even when I manage to look over at Tohru, who's still brushing ash from his neck. I glance back at the cigarette; the pieces clicking into place.

 _No._

 _No fucking way—_

" _What the fucking hell Tohru?!_ " I roar, jumping to my feet. There's angry red blossoming around the area he's carelessly smacking.

 _The moron put the goddamn thing out on his _neck_!_

"What the fucking hell?!" I repeat, at a loss. He looks startled when I yank him up with me and drag him into the kitchen, where I maneuver him so that his head's in the sink, with cold water flushing the burn.

"Goddammit! _Why the fuck would you do that?"_ I can't stop yelling, repeating that phrase until I have to drag him back to standing because he's choking on the water.

"Hey! What the hell just happened out there?" I splutter when he stops coughing.

Tohru looks at me guiltily. "Well I didn't think you'd get so mad about it..."

"And why the hell _wouldn't_ I?!" I ask, still incredulous. "On what planet would something like that be a good idea?"

"Uh," Tohru gulps. "I've wanted to do that for a while and you were in such a good mood," he trails off.

 _I pinch the bridge of my nose, knowing I shouldn't even ask, but—_ "So you thought that because I was in a good mood, that I wouldn't lose it when you purposely burn yourself with one of my cigarettes? You thought I'd be happy and we'd have a good laugh and it'd be over and we'd just move on with our day?" Tohru tentatively nods.

"No!" I shout. "Oh hell _no_! You can't _pull_ shit like this anymore! That's dangerous—And did you even _think_ for a minute who your parole officer and doctor are going to blame when you're not even a smoker?"

I have to stop for a breath and think about how to deal with this in a way that'll get through to him. Tohru's sitting quietly at the table, clearly sulking because I'm angry at his fucked-up way of showing me he's mine.

"Is there _anything_ you can tell me?" I press for some kind of an answer. _I need some way to process this._

"I didn't think you could get in trouble for it," he relents a little, seeming contrite about that part. I guess _something_ stuck.

I bite back another load of harsh words, instead replying to what he just said. "Do you think before you do these things?" I helplessly ask.

Tohru is quiet again, but I can see the gears are turning this time. "Not always," he admits.

"Well you need to, alright?" I command. "Because everything has consequences."

I don't want to keep tearing into him, so I retrieve an ice pack from the freezer and have him press it to the burn. He grudgingly accepts it, complaining that it doesn't even hurt. I throw him a dirty look and he stops talking.

I take my grinder out of the cabinet to prepare some coffee beans, letting him stew while I think about what the hell just happened. I go through the motions, glancing over to make sure he hasn't abandoned the ice. That's going to be excruciating to even _look at_ for days.

 _Fucking moron must've held it to the nook under his jaw until it went out. It's not the first thing you'll notice, but even an idiot wouldn't miss it._

He's taken off more than one layer of skin ands it's definitely going to leave a brutal scar. _He's too impulsive._

After the coffee's brewing and I've cleaned the dishes and grinder, I pour a glass of water and move to the table. The ice is gone and Tohru's picking at the sore spot. "Knock it off," I order, swatting his hand down, and pass him the glass. "Drink. Burns dehydrate."

Hey obeys and drains the glass. He silently slides the cup back. I take it to the sink and sigh. "If I go run the bath, can I trust you alone for a few minutes?" I snarkily ask. Tohru rolls his eyes and gets up to follow me. " _Ice,_ " I command and he picks up the abandoned pack.

"I'll play a game until it's ready," he replies.

I nod and head for the stairs. _I should also start the—_

I sigh, softening a bit, remembering earlier. _This is all too damn much._

"Can you go get the other clothes from out back so we can do another load?" I ask Tohru. He gives me a thumbs-up and walks out to the yard.

 _Guess I'm not getting 'normal' just yet._

I continue up the stairs, sighing again and marching straight to the medicine cabinet. I need something for my latest headache.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/13/17


	16. Cop Foyer Knife (Oretachi)

Chapter Nine: The Cop; in the Foyer; with the Chef's Knife

(Tohru)

I figured I'd better give Ryoutarou some time to cool off, so I told him I'd play games until it was time for the kids to get home. In reality, I've spent the last half hour feeding more things—some not actually food—to Black Frost, who happily accepts whatever I give him.

"Okay." I stand as it twirls in a circle. "I have to go back down to see Nanako when she gets home," I tell it.

"Ho~!" the thing replies. "Be ready. Your trial is about to commence."

I squint up at the snowman as he floats over to the window. " _What_ trial?" I ask as he watches me keenly. I scratch at the itchy band-aid under my jaw, aggravated.

He narrows his smile, answering me cryptically. "You need to reawaken your fragment of Izanagi, or you won't be able to save the human, hooo."

"Huh?" I ask again.

"Focus on the fragment. Hee hooo, awaken your potential once more!" It smiles again and vanishes out of sight.

I grumble and stand, annoyed that he wouldn't just tell me. I've been pumping him full of snacks the last few days, he owes me _something_!

I climb down the stairs and hand Ryoutarou my list of food requests. He looks it over quickly and makes faces at some of them. I roll my eyes and plunk down at the table, where there's more coffee waiting.

I pick up my mug and take a sip. "How much coffee an I expected to drink a day?" I ask, genuinely curious.

Ryoutarou snorts, taking it as sarcasm. "Don't have it if you don't want it. More for me."

He sits across the from me and reads whatever part of the paper he didn't pour over this morning. I take my PSP out of my pocket and flip it on, clicking into Katamari, already bored. _I want a Vita but I should probably save my money to help with expenses. I'll find a cheap, used one eventually._

Ryoutarou glances up at me. "What're you playing?"

"Mariokart," I reply, picking a game he may actually know. Then wait for him to lecture me about doing something 'productive'.

"Nanako used to like Mario," he tells me and goes back to reading. "You can show me sometime if you want."

I tell him "sure" and wonder how mad he'd get if I didn't let him win. _He's the type who doesn't like losing, but so am I._

I remember one of the first times he came to my apartment. He was drunk, and my place was closer. When Ryoutarou saw all my games lying around, he asked if I was an otaku and laughed so hard he fell over. I never had time for friends.

 _Okay…_

 _So I don't like a lot of people, either. Games were enough._

The door opens, pulling me from my thoughts. Teddie bursts through, followed by Nanako. "We're home~~" the boy chirps, and both of us ignore him.

Ryoutarou grunts out a "welcome back" when he rises to pull something out of the fridge to start dinner. Nanako hurries upstairs to put her things away. The blond boy is crowding around Ryoutarou, whispering something that seems to upset him, and they freeze when the doorbell rings.

"You don't think he'd be so bold, do you?" Ryoutarou balks, setting down the strainer and walking over to answer the door. "Hello?" He asks, peeking out.

" _You—_ " a deep voice cries.

"Do I know you?" Ryoutarou asks, sounding like he's trying to jog his memory. He opens the door further.

I can't see past the damn kid, who's standing too close. " _That's him!_ " Teddie shrieks, clutching Ryoutarou's arm and pointing.

I can hear the other man speaking again and he sounds angry. "It was all of _you_ again," he bitterly chokes out. "I know what's going on! I see that thing coming and going!"

"I'm sorry," Ryoutarou apologizes, confused. "Can we help— _Kid_ —!" He pushes Teddie further behind him and then his words are cut off by a groan and a choking sound. The kid wails for the other guy to stop, flashes of steel and sun bleeding into the scene.

The second I hear those awful noises, I'm out of my chair, charging the door.

 **#**

 _My first day in Inaba was a huge pain._

I took the train from Tokyo and walked the few miles to my new building. When I arrived at the shabby five-story complex, I saw my ten or so boxes—all mailed—were stacked right in front of the door. I had to move them aside to get in.

It was a one-room. I brought along a dissembled table/kotatsu, cushions, and a few small appliances. I planned to buy a Western bed, a couch, and new bookcases, then have them delivered. _If I had to relocate to some shithole, I could at least indulge a little._

I spent an hour unpacking the things I'd need, as well as my games. My whole life spilled out on the floor of a one-bedroom...

When my phone rang, I grudgingly answered, not caring to do anything. "Hello?" a pleasant voice asked.

"Yes, hi," I replied.

"This is Sakamoto. Are you free at all today?"

 _My new boss._

"Yes. Is there something you need?" I asked.

"Nothing too important," he told me. "We're having a quiet day, today. I was thinking you could come by and meet your new partner. I'll buy you both lunch and he can show you around. We don't get transfers too often, after all."

 _Free food sounds too good to pass up._

"Yeah," I replied. "I can be there in half an hour."

"Good. I'll see you then!"

I hung up and slipped the phone back into my pocket. _Maybe this won't be so bad._

At the station, I was introduced to a bunch of people, all pretty friendly. Sakamoto himself seemed like a decent guy. Then he brought me to an office near the back, the only one with a closed door.

"Well," the man sighed. "He's not the warmest at first, but I'm sure you'll get on fine."

 _...So the free lunch is a bribe?_

I didn't have time to ponder it, though, because Sakamoto simply knocked on the door and pushed it right open. "Afternoon, Dojima," he called.

"Oi," a voice curtly replied.

I immediately gagged on cigarette smoke from the hallway—It smelled like someone was _constantly_ hotboxing that tiny office.

"Put that out, you know they're not allowed anymore... I brought your new friend!"

I stepped in after the other man to see a tired, angry-looking guy sitting at the only desk. _Dojima._ He ignored his boss and kept smoking, which must be why the door was closed.

I scanned his cluttered workspace: loads of files, overflowing ashtray, and an empty pot of coffee next to a mug. The man himself looked pretty disheveled. He wore a partially-undone shirt coupled with loose tie and had short, messy hair. I had the feeling he hadn't slept properly in a long time.

"So this is where the coffee pot ran off to!" Sakamoto shook his head. The other man just glared. "You need to leave it out for the others..."

 _This doesn't look promising._

"Alrighty then!" Sakamoto clapped his hands together with a smile. "This is Adachi Tohru, your new partner. You two can go to Aiya's on me while some of the others move in a second desk."

Dojima raised his eyebrows but seemed otherwise unfazed, not even glancing at me. "Show him around a little and get to know each other. Dojima's a hard-worker who's been with us for his whole career. Adachi graduated at the top of his class and I'm told he's solved a few tough ones. Take your time and have fun," Sakamoto concluded with a wave. He backed out of the room and left us to ourselves.

Dojima sighed and stubbed out his cigarette.

"H-hi," I stammered. "It's nice to meet you... _Sir?_ " I squeaked that last word out awkwardly when he didn't reply or even look at me.

"Hnn," Dojima snorted. "Let's go. Aiya's is good." He stood and grabbed his jacket, throwing it over his shoulder as he stalked past me.

I followed him out of the station and down the road, wondering what the hell I'd do with such a taciturn new partner.

 _At least... Well, if he was this straightforward all the time, I wouldn't need to worry about being friendly. I can fake enough to get through the days._

* * *

Re-Edited 6/13/17


	17. Spoke Too Soon (Oretachi)

Chapter Ten: Spoke too Soon

(Teddie)

The stalker-man is outside the door—I can sense it's him. _He's been following me for a few days, and I saw him behind Nanako and I on the way over here._

"That's him!" I yell, grabbing onto Dojima's arm so he can scare this guy off for me.

I don't like that Dojima doesn't seem even a little afraid of the big man. "It was all of _you_ again," the man yells at us.

And I _really_ don't like the look he's giving Nanako's dad.

And _I don't like that we can't see his hands—_

"I know what's going on! I see that _thing_ coming and going!"

"I'm sorry." _And I don't like how baffled Dojima sounds. It feels like the world's slowed down but I can't do anything to stop this._

"Can we help— _Kid_ —!" is all Dojima gets out before the stranger grimaces and whips a big knife out from behind his back—Dojima shoves me away and _OH NO NO NO!_

Now it feels like the world is spinning fast—fast— _fast_ , and suddenly I'm the one holding him up instead of the other way around. _The man is stabbing him again and again!_

Before I can call for help Adachi is outside, punching the guy in the side of the head. He goes right down!

Dojima feels really heavy and he's not breathing right. I struggle to get him sitting on the ground. The knife's on the pavement over there and there's _so much blood_!

It's making me dizzy…

"Aaa-daa!" is all I squeak out. "He-help!" Adachi is still viciously beating the man instead of focusing on the bigger problem— _I don't know what to do!_

"Stop it!" I scream and he finally looks at me. " _Help him!_ "

Adachi grabs the man and hurls him over us into the living room.

"What?!" I hear Nanako cry. "Who _is_ this?!"

" _Go—_ " Adachi instructs. "Get her upstairs. Call Kanji!"

"Nn," Dojima tries and fails to say something again.

Thankfully Adachi is blocking the gruesome sight and I run for the stairs, pushing Nanako in front of me. "I-i-it's okay," I tell her, my voice not coming out right.

"What happened?" she asks. "You're shaking!"

I fumble my phone out of my pocket and click Kanji's name. He picks up on the second ring. "You need to get to the Dojimas'!" I scream into the phone. " _Now_ _!_ "

"Huh?" he replies. "What?"

I block the phone and turn to Nanako. "Stay in here," I tell her. "And I'll be right back." She nods and I close her door and move into the hallway. "Dojima-san just got stabbed and Adachi's losing it. You need to be here _now_!" I really try to stay calm but it's not happening.

" _Wha—?_ "

"Get here!" I plead and punch 'end', going back downstairs to see what's going on.

The man is definitely unconscious and hasn't moved, but Dojima isn't moving either.

I snap to attention when I hear another voice. "That won't work, hooo! He's already at the border of Yomi. I told you a trial, ho!"

There's a persona—no a _demon_ —floating by Adachi, who's holding a balled-up towel to the wound in Dojima's chest _._

 _I don't know why I thought 'demon'—But it makes sense._

 _'Personas' don't come out of the TV._

Black Frost. With Adachi. _I knew he still had something..._

" _What the hell am I supposed to do?!_ " he bellows at it.

"He hoo!" it gasps. "Your friend?" Adachi nods, unwilling to remove the compress even though it doesn't look good. "I had a friend once... If you awaken your Izanagi you can retrieve your mate from the shores, hoo!"

This sounds bad, but Adachi doesn't even blink. "How?" he immediately demands.

"Hee hee hoo!" The Frost cackles. "I can take you, ho! To Yomotsu Hirasaka hooo!"

"Go," Adachi commands, though he doesn't move from his spot.

Black Frost beckons to him. "You have to hurry, hoo! He won't stay there forever!"

Adachi still looks unsure. He hasn't taken his eyes off Dojima for even a second.

I step forward. "Here," I numbly tell him. "I'll hold it on for you."

He wheels around and I take a step backwards. I've never seen anyone so _terrifying_!

His features are contorted like he's being tortured and his yellow eyes are brightly glowing. " _What?_ " he spits.

"I-I'll help," I reply, pointing at Dojima.

He looks between the two of us. "Don't let anybody touch him," he fiercely orders. "Send Kanji upstairs to Nanako and I'll be back. _Stay right there and don't move him_ _!_ "

I nod and step forward to press my own hand on the blood-soaked dishtowel. _It's frightening how still Dojima is. I've never seen a person like this before._

Adachi grudgingly lets go after I've taken his place. He takes a few seconds to weirdly run his hand over a big mark on Dojima's neck and then takes off for the stairs.

"C'mon," he tells Black Frost. It somersaults through the air after him, babbling the whole way up the stairs.

 _I hope he'll be okay_...

I call Kanji again with my free hand. _I can't look at Dojima or I think I'll throw up. Throwing up only happened to me once and it was terrible—But that's the awful feeling I get when I see him laying there like that._

Before Kanji picks up, the door swings open.

" _What the fuck?!_ " my best friend yells. _I've never been happier to see him so angry!_

"Kanji," I tightly call him, then remember—" _Don't look!_ "

He whirls around, taking in the damage. "Who's that?" he points at the stalker.

"I don't know," I whine. I can feel tears coming. Kanji looks so confused and worried. "Nanako's in her room. Go stay with her. Adachi went to try and fix this."

"Fix _how_?!" Kanji cries. "What the hell happened? And what're you doing to Doji—" Kanji stops.

"Stay!" I yell at him. "It's going to be okay, _okay_?!"

"Is he...?" Kanji worries, just now noticing all the blood. Everywhere from the door to the couch.

"Yes. Adachi's on it. He went with a demon somewhere to try and bring him back. I don't know how long it'll take but I promised I'd stay here and _it's so hard so please just go upstairs and make sure Nanako doesn't have any idea what happened or I'm going smash into pieces_!"

I'm screwing my eyes shut and taking big gulps of air, but Kanji didn't come near me, so I think it worked.

When I open my eyes, I see Kanji nod and bolts upstairs.

 _Please Adachi, hurry up and come back with him. Fix it._

 _I know you can._

* * *

Notes: Lore Breakdown!

(If you don't know all the pieces I'm sewing together to make this work, here's an introduction! They can all be found on the SMT wiki with much greater detail.)

If you don't know the Black Frost story Margaret tells to You during the game, here's a short version: He had a friend, but only for a day. After he wished he never had a friend to begin with because he was so lonely.

In the Persona series, the Sea of Souls is a everyone comes from and returns to. I smashed it together with the stuff on border to the land of the dead: Yomotsu Hirasaka. So for story purposes, Yomotsu Hirasaka borders the Sea of Souls. I also read that Yomotsu Hirasaka is a "slope".

Black Frost will talk about Izanagi and Izanami a little when the time comes.


	18. Make You Feel Better (Oretachi)

Chapter Eleven: Make You Feel Better

(Tohru)

 _My first week blew._

It was a flurry of petty crimes and paperwork and Dojima screaming for me to make him coffee. I was peeved to be ordered around for menial work when I was _also_ a detective.

 _So I made the coffee wrong._

Didn't put in enough spoonfuls of grounds, or added sugar or flavoring. Cream he didn't mind as much as the other two—He would bitch but still drink it. But if _anything_ flavored or sweet made its way into the cup, he would dump the coffee in the trash while glaring right at me, making sure I knew I screwed it up.

 _My passive-aggressiveness soon reached levels it had never seen at my old office._

Nothing brought me more joy than to sip my own drink while the other man raged and stomped around the station. I never laughed when he was in the room, but I couldn't help cracking up when he left our shared space and slammed the door.

By the third day he was sending me out to a bakery or that Junes, ordering me to tell them it was for _him_ , because ' _they_ knew how to make coffee fucking right'. I happily obliged, wandering through town long enough to get out of most of the desk-work.

 _One of my jaunts took me all the way to the gas station..._

While I didn't even have a car, that albino was so friendly I stopped to chat, complaining about my shitty new post for a good twenty-minutes. The young guy laughed and offered advice, shaking my hand at the end and wishing me luck.

On the way back to the station, I felt so ill I stumbled and crashed to the ground: my legs buckling just right so I landed on _both_ large cups of coffee. They splattered all over the ground and my dress shirt—What a freaking _pain_!

I pulled out my phone and called over to the office, saying I needed to go home, and possibly the doctor's. Sakamoto told me it wasn't a problem and to feel better—He would thankfully fill in Dojima for me.

I staggered back to my apartment, shucked off my nasty coffee-and-vomit riddled clothes, and crawled into my new bed. I had a nightmare that I was walking down an endless path with a red monster.

 _Someone was telling me I could change the world._

I woke up plastered in sweat, with the doorbell sounding quickly _and_ shrilly. I groaned and climbed out of bed. I put on a shirt and pants and padded over to the door. I felt better, but still _exhausted_.

I yanked open the door to find a surprised Dojima, still mashing the bell. "Oh," he said, withdrawing his hand. "I've been here for a while. I was starting to get worried." He scratched the back of his head and tried to smile—Or at least _not_ frown judgmentally.

I nodded meekly, wondering what he was even doing here, and what time it was. "Can I help you?" I managed.

"'Suse the intrusion," Dojima rudely pushed by me, clearly not meaning the formality. I was too tired to give a shit... He kicked off his shoes and started opening blinds. "All everyone's talking about is how my new partner stumbled home yesterday covered in his own sick."

I winced and sat on the couch, watching the older man take stock of my place. He started opening cabinets and making angry noises. " _Where's_ your coffee maker?" he demanded.

"I-I don't have one," I shook my head.

" _What?_ " he barked. "Did it break?"

I stare, confused. _I never had one. I don't particularly care for coffee._

He slammed the last cupboard in annoyance. " _Whatever._ We can stop at Junes and get you a new one."

I continued to stare dumbly, unsure what to say.

Dojima folded his arms and looked me up and down. "Get dressed," he snapped. "The chief told me to take you to the doctor if you're still sick."

"I, uh, think I'm okay now."

"Then get your work clothes. We're late!" he gibed.

I simply nodded and looked for something to wear. At this point I should've been embarrassed that my mess from yesterday was still on the floor by the door, but Dojima didn't even seem to have noticed.

When I came out of the bathroom, ready to go, Dojima glared at me again. "W-what?" I asked.

"Do you _not own a tie_?" he scoffed, sounding disgusted.

I shook my head. _Nobody seemed to care at my old job, so I didn't bother._

"Let's go," Dojima sighed, running a hand through his hair. I followed him out the door to his car.

I got in the passenger's seat while he rooted around in the back. When he got in the front and slammed the door shut, I perked up, reminding myself not to fall back asleep.

"Here," Dojima grunted, holding out a paper bag.

Stunned to be given anything from this guy, I took the bag and placed it in my lap. He stared at me like I'd lost my mind.

"Open it, moron!" Flustered, I looked inside.

 _A red tie._

I glanced up at Dojima in surprise. He frowned and started up the car. "You do know how to put one on right?" he cocked an eyebrow, still irritated.

I nodded and slipped it around my neck, fumbling to remember the steps. After a few tries it looked decent. I tightened it and leaned back. "Thanks," I smiled at Dojima.

"It's fine," he grumbled, sticking a cigarette in his mouth. "At least we _look_ like partners now."

 _Maybe I could get used to this guy..._

 **#**

On my first Saturday, we worked on a break-and-enter that kept us the office until later than usual.

I was scribbling ideas at my desk when I heard Dojima yawn loudly. " _Oi,_ " he called. "It's almost nine. You want to go get a drink with me?"

"Sure," I shrugged. _I've got nothing else to do._

"Let's go." He abruptly grabbed his jacket and slung it over his shoulder. "We're not getting anywhere and I'm done." Dojima strolled towards the door and I rushed to catch up.

I followed him for a while, wondering where we were going. He finally turned down a side-street and walked into a bar. I expected an izakaya and had been hoping for food, but this was a _bar_ -bar. And I hadn't eaten since _breakfast_.

Dojima waved to the guy behind the counter and signaled something. "First round's on me," he said, sinking down into a booth. I waited in silence while he smoked until someone came by with two flights of beers. My stomach sank. I didn't wanna drink all that. _I just got over being sick..._

He—on the other hand—went right to town, knocking back two in a row. I sipped at one and fidgeted, realizing what a crap idea it was to go drinking with someone who doesn't talk.

"You like Inaba?" Dojima finally asks after he's finished all five. I nodded quickly. "Good— _I_ like it. That's why I moved out here." He signals to the bartender again and keeps talking. "Figured it'd be a nice place to live and work and eventually start a family. Everybody's _nice_."

I nodded again. "Seems like it."

We lapsed into silence once more. I didn't know what to say and he didn't talk again until the third round.

The guy from before brought over another two bottles and left again. Dojima started on the first and then spoke. "Sure. Everybody's great until they don't know what to make of you... Then there's pity until you figure out how to ignore it. And then they're back to normal and then— _Bam_!" he punctuated that with a fist to the table.

I winced backwards, realizing he was starting to get pretty drunk. _This'll be even less fun than I thought. I can't follow his rambling._ It's usually fun when people start blabbing whatever's on their minds, but I had no idea what he was talking about.

I was yanked from my thoughts when Dojima asked if I was going to finish mine. I shook my head and pushed it towards him. "Y'know, I could use some food," I tried. "I think I'm going to head out." I stood and stretched. _Wonder how long I was here for?_

"Yeah, yeah," Dojima replied, downing the last glass and a half. "I'd better git back t'work." He stood too, grabbing the jacket I'd never seen him actually _wear_.

Dojima clapped me on the back and told me to get home safe. I watched him drunkenly make his way to the door. "Sir you—" I called.

 _He didn't pay…_

The guy behind the counter motioned me over. He shook his head sadly. "Don't worry—We send him the bill."

"Oh," I said, not knowing what I should say here.

"Yeah," the guy amiably told me. "It's a shame, the accident and all."

"Huh?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow, confused. "Are you new here? How do you _not_ know?"

"Yeah," I told him. "Moved to town this week."

" _That_ explains it." he replied. "I've never seen him drink with anyone else before..." I nodded, interested in what had happened to make my usually diligent coworker such a sot.

"There was a hit-and-run a few years ago. His wife was killed, and they never found the guy—He's been a wreck since then. And the poor _kid_!" he says, raising his voice a little.

" _What_ kid?" I asked, lost again.

The guy's eyes widened. "You didn't know he has a little girl?"

I mutely shook my head. _Whoa_ _..._ "Then why's he never go home? Did she move in with family?"

"You tell me," the guy responds, raising an eyebrow.

"Thanks, I guess," I mumble, and head out myself.

 _I can finally go home!_

So why were my feet taking me back to the station instead?

It wasn't as long a walk back, now that I knew where I was going. Sure enough, the lights were still on in our office even though it was past eleven—I could see them shining brightly through the window.

 _I don't want to get involved with these people_ , I complained to myself, even though I was already opening the back door—And how a police station could leave their doors unlocked _completely_ baffled me.

I pushed the office door open to find Dojima asleep at his desk. He'd poured himself more liquor and was snoozing on some files. I banged on the jamb a few times so I wouldn't scare him.

 _Yeah, that didn't work._

" _Shit!_ " he screams. "M'not sleepin'!" Then his eyes adjust and he notices me. "Oh. A 'chi. S'just you. Cover f'r me."

...Does he even know what _day_ it is?

"D-Dojima-san. It's st-still _Saturday_!"

"Hnn," he raised his head for a second. " _'Bye_ then." He closed the file and shuffled it in a drawer before laying back down.

"Shouldn't you go home?" I pressed, a little worried.

Dojima slapped the desk. "M'fine. Git back to work!"

I sighed and walked over. "Don't you have a little daughter?"

"D'sn't like me."

I frowned. _I sure can't imagine _why_..._

"Well you shouldn't leave her all alone, right?" I protested.

"Ain't goin' home. Don'like it there," he slurs.

I sighed. "You shouldn't sleep here."

"No'ne cares..."

 _It took me a second to process that—_ _How often does this happen?!_

This scene was too sad, even for me. "Okay. Okay." The wheels were turning, but I wasn't getting far. "Okay... Come on." _This is another bad idea._ "You can sleep on my couch."

I walked over to the other man, planning to pull him out his feet.

"No, A'dchi! M'fine here," he punched out and struck me in the stomach. _Damn that _hurt_!_

"Son of a—!" I grabbed his arm and wrenched him to his feet in a fluid motion. _That's right: I paid attention to the subduing-a-suspect crap!_ "This is ridiculous—We're going. Gimme your keys!"

Stupefied— _and probably not used to being ordered around_ —Dojima fished them out of his pocket for me and collected his jacket. He tried to grab his glass too, but I glared and he put it back down, looking sheepish.

I didn't have a parking space, so I left his car down the block. "Can you walk a bit?" I asked, unsure.

"M'fine!" Dojima yelled, probably waking people up.

"Don't be so loud," I complained— _So he yelled that he wasn't yelling._

Up in my apartment, I sat him on the couch and fetched a pillow and blanket. "Go to sleep," I commanded. And thankfully, that was that.

I awoke the next morning to the loudest snoring I've heard in my life. _So much for sleeping in and not getting involved in people's lives…_

I left a note and walked into town to pick up food. I didn't keep much around my apartment.

 _This is a good start..._

I wasn't sure what to do about—well—any of the other stuff. But at least I got him to put down the booze for the evening.

Dojima wasn't a person I knew a lot about... And from what I did know: he was private and quick to anger.

 _I'd rather be working with someone pleasant... And I'd already inserted myself into his business…_

I could either see it through or play dumb until the previous night inevitably repeated and he ended up drunk and dead somewhere.

It's not that I _liked_ him, but I also didn't _dis_ like him.

I bought coffee, soup, and tofu. It was a hassle to carry it all back.

When I arrived home again, Dojima was still asleep on the floor. I closed the door with a little more force than necessary, though— _That_ woke him.

"What?!" he shouted, disoriented. "What time is it? Where am I?!" He groaned and put a hand to his forehead.

"Yeah," I commented. "I'll _bet_ you're hung-over..."

"Adachi?!" his head whipped around.

I waved. "Mornin'."

"Dammit!" he quickly checked his watch, ignoring me. "I have to get work!"

I brought over the coffee, and sat on the couch. "You don't want coffee?" I taunted.

"Huh? Yes..."

"Do you really work Sundays?" I asked, handing it over.

Dojima moved to the couch, frowning. "I work _every_ day."

"Do they pay you on Sundays?"

"...No."

"Right." I sighed, crossing my legs under me. "So do you want to talk about that... Whole mess..."

"What?" he asked, turning to me with a glazed look.

"Aah-ha." _Awkward_. "You were really off last night. And I'm told that's not uncommon."

"No," he waved me off. "I'm fine."

"Okay..."

We sat in silence until his phone rang. Dojima grumbled, but picked it up with a brash "h'lo".

I watched as he answered a bunch of questions, getting more and more agitated: " _No_... No... No, I'm _not_ at home. No, I _don't_ have any files with me… No, I don't know where the hell I am! ...Uh-huh. _Adachi's_ here." _Frown._ "...Yup. _Fuck you_ , _Ryuuji!_ " He jabbed the 'end' button aggressively and I thought it'd be better to wait until he felt like talking.

I drank my tea and waited.

Dojima grimaced several times, but finally relayed the conversation. "Sakamoto said if I come in today he's firing me."

" _Wow_ that's... Oh."

"Mmff," he grunted. "Why the hell am I here anyway?"

"Aah," I started. "You were sleeping at the office drunk. It was, uhm, sad? So I told you to come sleep here."

He narrowed his eyes. " _Sad_?"

I nodded, unsure how bad of a word choice I had made. "Yeah!" I covered. "Why sleep there when you have your own house and... Uhm, friends?"

He glared at me, his face twisting in disdain. "You're not my friend, _rookie_." He jabbed me in the chest for emphasis.

"Dojima-san—Shut up!" I snapped— _Just _lost_ it._

" _Shut up!_ " I repeated and his eyes widened, but he didn't say anything else. "Some days you're okay, and some days you're an _ass_ , but you've clearly got issues you need to deal with. I'm trying to be helpful, so—So just... _Just accept it, yeah_?"

His mouth quirked into another unsavory expression, but then he smiled the tiniest bit. "Fine. But I'm not a nice guy. _So don't expect much._ " I laughed at that.

"Don't sell yourself short. I liked the tie."

"Mmhm."

"Okay," I stood. "I got food, if you're hungry."

Dojima sighed and checked his watch again. "How about you just come over for lunch. If I'm not going to work I should go home."

"Really?" I perked up, kind of excited.

"Yes," he said, frowning. "You can meet Nanako. She likes company."

I couldn't help smiling. I knew things wouldn't straighten out right away, but this seemed good.

I felt _happy_ , then. And something else I couldn't describe. Something I'd never felt before.

* * *

*It's the Red Hot Chili Peppers Song.

Re-Edited 6/13/17


	19. Your Affection (Oretachi)

Chapter Twelve: Your Affection

(Ryoutarou)

I don't know where I am.

It's dark in front of me, but light behind. Like the sun's setting... Except there _is_ no sun.

I'm on a sharply sloping hill leading down to the ocean. Which is nice. I haven't been to the sea in a long time.

I walk closer to the water's edge and sit down, content to gaze out at the empty horizon.

But the longer I look, the more I notice...

Like how little lights are floating in and out of the bleak, colorless water. And how people on boats are the ones facilitating the exchange of light entering and exiting the pulsating darkness.

But they don't really look like people—The ones I glimpse illuminated by the orbs—

But if they're not people...

Well that leads to more frightening thoughts.

Because I don't think I'm dreaming.

I look down to pinch myself and realize I can't see my body.

Then how did I sit?

—Wait, where _am_ I?

I feel so thirsty... Maybe it's actually a lake and I can drink the water. That's a nice thought. It looks so inviting. I'd love to swim.

I glance down again to see what I'm wearing, only then remembering I can't see my legs or any other part of my body. Which really _is_ disconcerting.

I move closer to the vast sea, only to realize it's a lot further away then I thought. I get frustrated and rest again.

I have this unabating _need_ to go there. It looks pleasant. And inviting. And sheltered.

I feel conflicted. Like my mind wants to relax, but I know I have somewhere to be.

The house...

Something happened at the house...

 _Something_ _..._

...But _what_?

I can't shake it loose, no matter how I look back on the situation. The last thing I remember is saying hello to Nanako— _Does she need me?_

I back up, attempting to climb to the top of the hill, but I'm not gaining much ground in this direction, either.

One of the boats is pushing up on the shore—

And I don't want to see that _Thing_ up close.

It's dark and towering and moving like the water.

But I can't help being transfixed as It moves toward me.

I don't know how l close it is, though It's voice rings loudly when it talks.

"This is unusual. You are resisting returning to the Sea."

I think I'm lost, I try to say when It waits an uncomfortably long time for an answer. I wait for It to continue, but the thing seems content to give me time.

I was at home... And now I'm here. I think something went wrong.

"No one ends up here by accident. It is meant to be."

It stares through me, like I'm an open book.

Really, there's been some mistake. I need to wake up.

I absolutely have to see them!

Light ripples out from me: red pulses, injected with an all-consuming black light—

If such a thing should even _exist_!

"Once you accept your past, you can begin again."

I can go back?

"Not as you once were. You will start a new journey—"

It suddenly stops speaking and looks skywards.

"Ah. A Fool is coming to bring you back, though you may still cross over if you wish. The decision is yours."

A fool? What?

But I don't like it here. I don't want to leave Nanako and Tohru alone.

What would happen to them—Neither one can live on their own.

But the ocean looks like the right choice.

"You may see the turning point in your bond to make the decision."

Turning point? What's that about a bond?

I can feel the eyeless monster studying me.

"The Jester has inverted. You may take a look."

 **#**

It's the prison. I see Tohru lounging on his small bed, staring at the ceiling.

 _So boring._

What?

 _And Dojima didn't even come today..._

 _...He finally gave up._ I see him laugh bitterly, clutching at his head.

Tohru? He doesn't look like he's talking.

 _I should be happy. I'm a waste._

There is noise coming from the hall. Getting louder.

"—and we have to lock you in, okay? Keep the walky-talky in your hand and press here if he's violent. I'll be back in a little over an hour."

"Sounds good," I hear myself reply.

Wait—

 _He's here! He really pulled it off!_ A wide-eyed Tohru sits up, then promptly slaps himself across the face. _Frigging pull it together!_

His expression hardens instantly; that usual, downcast look.

 _He shouldn't be here. Fucking bullshit. Should just stay away._

I see the door clanking open, and myself walking in.

...They're thoughts. Tohru's thoughts.

 _This needs to be the last time._

"So you decided to show," he sneers from the cot.

I look so tired...

I see myself glance at him wearily and toss the walky-talky onto a table built into the wall. "You said there was too much commotion—So here I am. I can't swing this all the time, but we have until rec is over."

 _Go away._

Tohru glares back at me. "Oh _yes_! Try again and again to break through to me. Because you know me so well..." He theatrically sighs. "You give in so easily, these days. Too bad the real me is an _asshole_."

I ignore him and wave a stack of papers. "You need to approve the lawyer and turn your apartment keys over to me."

 _I can't actually get out!_ "Yeah, nice try. I already told them everything."

I see myself put down the papers and fold my arms, studying the man before me. "Tell them in a way they can swallow."

 _I'm sick of this. It's all more of the same_ —' _Tohru, do this. Tohru, say that. Tohru, perform like a fucking monkey.'_

"I _didn't_ lie."

I see myself shrug. "Fine. Keep saying that and you can plead insanity."

Tohru leans forward and grips his head between his hands. _Fuck. I don't care! What a freaking waste. There's nothing for me in here or out there._

 _At last here I'm left alone._

I stomp towards him. "Tohru—Cut it out!" I sharply command. I see myself place my hand on his shoulder and he sharply glances up at me, but it isn't filled with the now-usual loathing or anger.

He looks... So empty.

"Let's make a plan. I told you I'm going to get you out of here."

He studies me with clear contempt. "You can't do _anything_."

I shake my head. "One thing I learned from all this is that anyone can do anything. I'm not giving up."

He twists his face into a frown.

"What do you want?" I entreat Tohru.

"Anything I want?" he grins wickedly.

I tentatively nod.

" _Kill me._ "

 _Just kill me._

That's when my temper boils over. "Just come here and _shut up_." I sit down on the bed and tug Tohru's arm, pulling him to sit next to me.

He stares at me with narrowed eyes. "What?"

"What do you _want_?! You're twenty-eight! You've got a lot of life left. Are you really content to spend it all in this shithole?"

He glances at my hand. _No._

I follow his gaze and release his arm, slipping my own around him instead. "I'm taking this as a 'no'."

 _Why would you help me?_

 _Why would you want to help me?_

 _It's easier if you hate me._

"Why don't you hate me?" Tohru finally asks, and I remember his eyes boring into my own, now alight and searching.

My answer was simple. I recall it to the word: "Because I love you. I like you. I want you to get better. It's foolish, but I want to see the _happy_ you again."

 _He's dead. My eyes are the proof._

"So let me help you. Let it be _my_ mistake, if that's what you're thinking."

"You don't know—" Tohru starts, but I cut him off.

"I know you well enough. Sign the papers."

 _What would if I do go free?_

 _Doubt I'll find a job._

 _All my shit's still in Inaba._

"I'm letting your lease go," I sigh, changing the subject when he doesn't move.

Tohru looks up at me sharply. _What the hell? I'll have nowhere to go…_

I can see myself scratching my face sheepishly at his confusion. "I'll keep your things in the empty room for now and you can live with me."

He gapes, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

 _Fucking idiot. That's the biggest bullshit_ —

"I could _kill_ you!" Tohru challenges, incredulous. He tries to jerk away form me but I don't let him go; just stare him down until he groans and looks away.

"You could've done that _already_ ," I pointedly reply, tightening my grip on Tohru and letting a smile slip.

 _I shouldn't trust him._ He flicks his eyes around the room, thinking. _But it is my best option._

 _And there's no way they'll let me go, so what does it matter?_

"Whatever you want!" Tohru spits, finally sitting still. "I don't have anything to lose."

 _I could gain hope._

 _I could lose hope._

 _I won't let myself have it—_

But he did.

That's why he's in Inaba now.

Tohru.

He's—

Wait, where is he?

—Tohru, everything's going _red_ —

* * *

Notes:I feel like I shouldn't even need a note for this song: It's from the game!

Other notes... I'm doing something that probably isn't "a thing". So the Jester is the inverted Fool, yeah? What if you could flip your card by doing things differently? By becoming either a better or shittier person, you could slightly change your arcana? Have I stretched things too far?!

Re-Edited 6/13/17


	20. Fate, After All (Oretachi)

Chapter Thirteen: Fate, After All

(Tohru)

"So what do I do?" I yell at the demon as we run up the staircase.

"Hooo! Izanagi will come out again if you call him. I can feel it, hoo~ Call him at the slope, or you cannot return here." The squishy black thing rotates in the air, looking far too at ease. "You became bound on this path by me—And because of your bond."

 _I want to stop and tell Nanako that it's going to be okay, but I don't think there's time. Black Frost is ushering me straight to my room and he did say I have to hurry._

"Follow me, hee!" the snowman commands, floating right through the television screen. "I will help my friend~"

 _Shit_. I have to be quick.

I twist around, wondering where my suitcase went. _The damn thing shouldn't be hard to find in such a tiny room..._

I finally spot it in the corner, tucked between a bookcase and the wall. "Fuck!" I curse, fumbling with the lock. Once it's open, I dig through the purposely useless crap I've stuffed in here to hide my extra guns. I yank out a small handgun and push the suitcase back out of sight.

I teleport less than a foot away and my anklet lands on the futon. _Good. Worked._

I hear the front door bang open as I'm climbing through my TV, hoping the frigging Frost will send me where I belong. _Fuck if I know how to get there._

It feels like I'm swimming through muck for a time, and then I'm free-falling through the sky, plunging towards what appears to be the top of wide cliff.

" _Izanagi!_ " I shout, and thankfully it appears below, catching me so I don't die like an idiot in the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere. We float to the ground, and I watch as Frost circles around us excitedly.

 _My Izanagi is just as I remember him:_ a bloody, evil-looking giant with razor-sharp claws. His eyes glow the same golden color as my own. I can't help grinning, baring my teeth at the figure.

On my feet, I look over at the dark snowman. "Where are we?" I ask, glancing around at what appears to be an absolutely barren, endless stretch of hard-packed earth.

It's light enough that I have no problem seeing, but dark enough that I can see points of light every once in a while. I'm starting to wonder if my shadow eyes are more helpful than I'm willing to credit.

I do a sweep of the area, realizing that many of the lights are streaming by us. Innumerable twinkling orbs are moving at different speeds, trickling off the edge of the cliff. Way less come back. My gut twists when I look closely at them.

"The border to the land of Yomi, the Sea of Souls is beyond, ho!"

Izanagi drifts over, wanting a closer look at our target. "So Ryoutarou is down there, somewhere?" I study the incline, wondering how I'm supposed to work my way down without falling into the water— _Which I'm assuming would be really, really bad._

"Hee hooo!" my companion sighs. "Do you know the story of Izanami? She is the one who gave you your fragment of her lover."

"Her lover? Izanagi?" I glance up at my original persona, who turns to stare back at me.

"Ho," Frost replies. "Izanagi came here himself to retrieve her before she was lost to the Sea. Because he is your persona, you were able to call for his aid, hoo, in your time of need."

 _Shit—I'd rather it was my problem alone._

" _You became bound on this path by me."_

 _Wait—Fuck._

 _Fuck this!_

" _All_ this happened just so I could summon Izanagi back?" I demand.

The small demon simply nods.

 _Fucking piece of shit!_

I can feel anger suddenly bursting out, coming off me in waves. Frost doesn't seem to care, just drifts out of my reach.

"You _made_ him die?!"

It nods again, not giving a shit. "You need Izanagi, hoo! You will need him for the trying times ahead."

I ball my hands into fists, digging my nails hard into my own flesh. _I need to see this through or it will all be over._

"Guide Izanagi to his soul," Black Frost encourages me, prodding to get me back on track. "You two must find him yourselves and bring it back to his body. I cannot enter the border... Only Izanagi and one with his powers, hooooo!"

I face Izanagi, unsure if this will work. _Ryoutarou sure as hell isn't an Izanami._

 _Will it really be that easy?_

"Hee hoo! I will be waiting. Find the human. _Quickly_ _!_ "

I instinctively know to hold out my hand towards Izanagi, who follows suit. Barely touching, we both move forward, him delicately bobbing and myself unsteadily clomping through the sticky, muddy, expanse that ends in darkness.

The shore didn't appear to be mores than fifty yards away, but it feels as though I've been waking for such a long time. Izanagi and I stare at the orbs that occasionally float by us, and I wonder if that's what Ryoutarou will look like, too.

"Which one is he, boy?" I laugh nervously, as if talking to a dog. If I can't figure it out, maybe _he_ has a chance?

I cut parallel after we get about halfway to the water. I can see boats now, and figures riding them.

"He hasn't already left, has he?" I mutter. "He'd knows I'd come for him, right?" Izanagi stares back at me, his expression unchanged—Not that I know if he even _has_ expressions. Only his eyes ever change.

 _But I think I get the point._

"Yeah, I know. He never believed in any of this crap, so why would he think I'd be able to find him out here." A shaky laugh escapes me. "Fucking idiot probably thinks he's dreaming..."

We walk for what feels like _forever_! I'm surprised that I haven't gotten hungry or have had to use the toilet by now.

 _I don't know how the frigging snowman expected me to hurry... The ground's so sticky and I'm the only one _not__ _floating. Major frigging disadvantage._

Izanagi finally yanks his arm away to point at a still, bright red light near the shore. I'm yanked up when he does this—I hadn't realize that we were literally connected.

I can see that the thing's bumping up and down erratically, and there's a figure nearby, looking carefully at it.

I try to move in the direction of the light, sensing that it's important. If it's not him, maybe the thing behind it can help me out. Izanagi floats steadily by my side as we close the distance.

The large, dark figure turns its head towards me—Not that it's _much_ of a head! It's more of an elongated, rectangular, emptiness. I just get the _feeling_ that it's a head.

"You match," it belts in a sonorous voice.

I can't help freezing in place, feeling a prickly nervousness at the tone.

It turns back to the glowing red ball. "The choice is yours," it says.

 _It's him!_

The only word my brain is capable of sounding out at this moment is his name: _Ryoutarou_.

I've said it aloud before I even realize I'm doing it, and instinctively the red light shoots towards us. I stretch my hand out to accept it, only just noticing that I'm also glowing as red as the orb and Izanagi.

"Fate, after all," the voice speaks once more and the retreats back toward the shore.

I'm already turning around to retrace my steps, not wanting to see the figure move back through the invisible border—The border that Ryoutarou had unwittingly drawn so goddamn close to.

Izanagi leads me back, the return more his territory. He knows this place much better than I do.

With the hope—shit, _hope_ —I've found, the trip back feels much quicker. When we're reaching flat ground once more, Izanagi severs the connection, accepting the orb himself, while I regain full control over my own body. _Fuck, that's draining!_

I stretch and crack my stiff joints as Black Frost meets us. "Hee! You've done it!" I look up at him, irritated. _Of course I did it, jackass!_ "Izanagi can return the human to its body at anytime, hoo~"

 _Yeah, return him straight to his body. He'll just wake up and accept everything super-easy, right?_

 _Hell no!_

"I'd like to explain this a bit first. Is there time for that?"

"Hooo, yes! Now that you have his essence time is not an issue. This world is not bound by the same systems."

"Izanagi, work it out," I order and warp us to the model living room I slept in during my 'time away'. Secreting safe spaces was a better idea than I'd realized. _I should plan ahead more._

It looks the same as ever. It's the winter setup, including the kotatsu, blankets, plies of work on the table, and jackets thrown by the door. I pace until I see Izanagi and Ryoutarou. He looks completely miffed, patting his—probably not physical—body in distress.

When he finally looks around, he's gaping at the fact that he's home. It only takes about ten seconds for him to realize, though.

"This..." he tentatively tries. " _Isn't_ my house."

I nod, unsure where to start. Frost warps in by the front door and Ryoutarou jumps, skittering further away.

" _That_ one scares you, but not my Izanagi?" I childishly quip, oddly happy at that. "Ignore them. They're my demons."

Maybe not the best choice of words. Ryoutarou is _definitely_ in shock. He turns in a circle and then sits down where he is, right on the hardwood floor. He has a glazed look about him. "What—!" He shakes his head in disbelief.

I chew on my lip, wondering how I can break this delicately. I instinctively take my normal seat at the kotatsu, settling under the blanket. "Uhh..."

"Where the hell am I?!" Ryoutarou finally blurts, his head in his hands.

"The TV World is real," is all I can think to reply. He looks up at me as though I'm the one who's gone crazy.

"Tohru... Did—di-did you _drug_ _me_?!"

"Fuck! _No_ _!_ " I shout. "You never believed any of us, but this is where the missing people went—"

I'm cut off by his horrified look. "I'm... _Dead?_ " His voice sounds hollow and disbelieving.

"Not because you're inside the TV, though!" I assure him.

 _...Okay maybe that isn't helpful._

"Dammit." _How do I even put this?!_ "You were stabbed. Today. By..." I stop and frown. "Well, we don't know who. I'm bringing you back to your body, but I wanted to try and tell you everything first. The _whole_ truth, this time."

Ryoutarou sighs and crosses his legs, nervously eyeing the two monsters in the room. "This doesn't feel real." He's firm about that, and how can I argue? _It didn't seem real to me at first, either._

"Well, heh, can't get worse right?" I try, slipping back into my goony personality.

Ryoutarou glares. "Cut the shit."

"Okay," I sigh. "If people end up in here and can't defend themselves, they're murdered by monsters and tossed back into our world. I didn't know that at first, only figuring it out when I accidentally shoved Yamano through her TV set." I pause for a breath and he's eyeing me suspiciously, still not coming any closer.

I groan heavily. I choose my words carefully, knowing that I'm damned if I do tell him, but also damned if I lie. "Saki was on purpose. I was... Upset that she..." _Words…_ _He already knows…_ "Was... Rude to me. Namatame did the others, thinking he was saving them."

Ryoutarou stares at me guardedly—As if he could even defend himself in here. I seriously don't think his body is even solid. It's probably an apparition so he feels more comfortable.

I poke at the quilt, not wanting to continue. "You were already into this more than you know."

"What?" he pointedly questions.

I stretch my legs and hear a clank. Ryoutarou jumps.

I reach under the table and pull out there mugs: mine, his, and Nanako's. I set them on the table—Really, seriously, _fucking truly_ wanting to end the conversation here.

"Where's Yuu's?" he naively inquires.

I hear a bitter laugh escape my throat. "This is _my_ world. He doesn't have one." I don't look him in the eye, choosing to rest my head on the table as he replies with a simple "oh".

After a minute, Ryoutarou clears his throat—as I knew he would. And asks me to explain the rest methodically—as I knew he would.

"I've brought you here—not here, here—but through the TV once before. You were hurt, a lot, and I couldn't use my power to heal you out there. So you, maybe, _uh_ , kind of already had the effects of this world in you. I don't think you have power like I do, but I could help you get it."

Ryoutarou is silent again.

"You don't have to," I obtusely tell him. "But if things aren't going to go back to normal, anyway, I wanted to at least give you the option."

He eyes me warily, but I don't have anymore to tell unless he has questions. "Do you want to go back now? You can ask me anything later," I numbly instruct. "And I understand if you do want me gone."

Ryoutarou rolls his eyes. "Shut up, Tohru—Don't be a moron." He stands and walks over to me. "Let's go home."

I motion to Izanagi and Black Frost, then send myself back to our world.

* * *

Note: Guys! GUYSS! The series title comes into play in this chapter. Tohru says it! That makes me so happy!

Re-Edited 6/14/17


	21. Elephants in the Room (Oretachi)

Chapter Fourteen: Elephants in the Room

(Ryoutarou)

It feels like waking up from a dream. A _freaking painful_ dream where I was drowning and being shot over and over again. My hands are grasping at my chest, and I'm sucking in huge, wheezy gulps of air, hyperventilating and spitting up— _I don't want to know what all that is._

I see Tohru looming over me, with Teddie, the red monster, and the black snowman all nearby. When I realize my hands are clutching my chest, I pull them away and they're covered in partially-dried blood.

The first time I try to talk, nothing comes out. My throat feels completely raw and I can taste bitter metal in my mouth. I clear my throat and cough until I think I'm going to pass out, but then rasp out a meager "what the crap".

Tohru and Teddie move closer, the small boy looking like he's going to hug me, until Tohru hurls him backwards on his ass. I laugh faintly and cough some more. "Shit."

I'm handed a glass of water.

"Are... Are you okay?" Tohru asks, sounding and looking sincerely concerned.

I nod, then pull up my shirt to check the damage. More closed wounds. _Don't know what I expected._

Three gashes cut down my chest and stomach, already almost healed. They look like evidence from a knifing that happened at least six months ago. I can't say anything, only stare dumbly at the fact that all of this happened—in what I'm assuming has been less than a day—and that I'm mostly fine.

 _God_.

 _This_ is what those kids have been up to?

 _This is what so many of Adachi's vicious-looking scars came from? Encounters with monsters?_

He called them _demons_!

And there are _two_ in my living room!

"D-d-dojima-san!" Teddie squeaks, completely unfazed by their presence. "I'm so sorry!" he blubbers and elbows through Tohru to wrap his tiny arms around me this time. I roll my eyes while Tohru looks on angrily.

"Leave him alone! He just got stabbed," Tohru censures.

Teddie is crying, though, so I put an arm around him, shooting the other man a helpless look. Tohru rolls his eyes and says he's going to fetch the others.

Nanako and Kanji rush down the stairs, but my daughter stops dead when she sees the gruesome state of the room and I. Not to mention the beaten, passed-out man crumpled on the floor. _Who is he?_

"D-dad!" she yips. "What happened?!"

"Ah," I falter. "I don't... Quite know." I glance down at my ruined shirt and all the blood.

"But I'm okay!" I try to reassure her. That's what a parent's supposed to do, though I get the feeling _she_ knows more than _me_.

"Somebody better friggin' tell me!" Kanji roars, stomping past her to roll over the figure on the floor. Nanako sits on the bottom step, looking unsure.

"Yah!" Kanji screams. "Ho shit you guys! He looks familiar!"

We all peer at the casually-dressed, nondescript man. Nothing about him rings a bell for me.

Tohru steps over and points at his face. "Mole. Left eye," he tells us. "Bratty kid I threw in the TV."

"Huh?" Kanji gasps.

Teddie leans in closer to the man and sniffs the air. "Yeaaaah! How'd you remember?"

"How did you _forget_?" Tohru snubs the younger boy. "You idiots saved him."

"Yes, we _did_." Kanji balls his fists, glaring at Tohru. "And you're the one who put him in there. Or did you happily forget that loads of people here _hate_ you?"

"Fuh!" Tohru snorts, folding his arms. "I haven't left the house. Who would know I'm here? It's not like anyone saw me—" His eyes grow wide as he twists to look at the black demon. "Have you seen him before?" Tohru interrogates, narrowing his eyes.

"Hooo?" it replies.

"Time out!" Kanji crosses his arms in an 'X' and stands back up. "Can _every_ body here see them right now?"

The demon floats over to him. "Hee ho! Anyone can see me right now!"

"You sure leave a lot," Tohru accuses. "Did you show yourself to him?"

It floats back to the kitchen, shimmering out of view. "You needed to reawaken Izanagi, hoo!"

" _Jackass_ _!_ " Tohru screams, thumping the wall.

Kanji finally continues his train of thought, his eyes searching Tohru. "Why is your Izanagi here? And why are there shadows outside the TV?!"

"That can happen," Teddie tells him. "Things are changing."

"He said he couldn't summon him anymore!" Kanji protests, jabbing a finger at Tohru.

Teddie anxiously shoots a look at Tohru, who looks bored at the topic of conversation. "He couldn't before. I don't know what happened."

"I didn't lie~" Tohru jeers.

"You freaking son of a bitch!" Kanji stomps towards him, and I see the tall red one shoot across the room, landing between the two.

"Ooh I wouldn't do that. You can't call yours here, can you, Kanji-kun?" _Goddammit_ —Tohru looks terrifying as he taunts the other man, jaunting around the demon and poking him in the chest.

Kanji gives him a dirty look and walks over to sit at the table. "What now?" he changes the subject.

"We could—" Tohru flicks his eyes to me and mimes something I don't understand.

Apparently the others don't get it either, because they just stare at him.

"Never mind," Tohru grumbles, folding his arms.

The fact that not one of them seems even slightly concerned that that there are _demons in the living room,_ or that _I was just stabbed,_ is making my body numb with shock. I don't trust myself to speak—I don't even think I could yell at them right now. It's just _too much_.

I look around at each face, stopping with Nanako because she's watching me back. I know that look—It's one of _my_ looks. She's clearly assessing my mental state.

"Dad, why don't you go take a shower and put on some clean clothes?" she carefully asks me.

And for the first time in many, many years, I feel like the child bring sent away from the adult conversation.

* * *

Note: Sorry for posting so late today! I had to visit my uncle in the hospital and couldn't edit beforehand : He'll be fine, but it took a long time.

I have been going back and re-editing the old Oretachi chapters, by the way. I've gotten through number seven, and will continue to fix any errors this weekend!

Re-Edited 6/14/17


	22. Stand-Up (Oretachi)

Chapter Fifteen: Stand-Up

(Teddie)

Everyone's pulled so tight I'm worried they'll snap like _'shoom'_ when a rubber band flies across the room. We're all trying to decide how to handle the situation. And _thank god_ black-hair's still out cold, because we don't even know what to make of his tailing me and coming here.

Dojima went upstairs in a total daze, like he's on autopilot. _Are these things harder for older people to accept? Nanako doesn't seem bothered, so I won't say anything…_

"How are we gonna clue him in when he's been calling us lairs for years?" Kanji demands.

Adachi smirks. "He took it pretty well when we were on the other side. I guess seeing really is believing!"

Nanako smiles a little, but it falters when Kanji grumbles a bunch of swears.

"We just have to protect him, too," I voice.

Adachi looks at me like I'm dumb. "I'm sure he can get a persona."

"What?" Kanji barks. "Just toss him in there and see what screwed-up mess his mind twists into like the rest of us? What if he _dies_?"

"Dunno," Adachi shrugs. "Maybe it'll be easy and I can go get him again. Worked once."

"That's not funny," Nanako interjects, shooting him a look.

Adachi holds up his arms defensively. "We should be able to go with him. He already _probably_ has a shadow— _Uhm_. Heh. Y-you know?" _He's sweating._ "I think."

"What?!" Kanji jumps out of his chair, and paces the kitchen. "And just how would you know that, dipshit?!"

"I didn't think it mattered... I thought it would go away—If-if there even was one!"

"Wait wait wait!" I yell. "Aniki-chan _is_ a shadow! He doesn't know what happens, I bet!"

"What happens?" Nanako pipes up. She never had a shadow, so she wouldn't know either.

"Uhhh," Kanji stalls, blushing furiously. "So-someone who looks like you but has yellow eyes rants about all the bullshit you feel on the inside. Then you have to admit it's true or it kills you." He nods at the end, seeming proud of his explanation.

Nanako, on the other hand, appears horrified. "Do I have one? Will I have to do this, too?"

" _No_ _!_ " Adachi rushes to reassure her, then sits on the couch. "Yours just happened, somehow... I don't think you need to do that."

"We would've seen it when you came with us last time if you had one!" I add.

"Yeah," Kanji wholeheartedly agrees. "I think you're fine, for some reason…" He sighs, regaining his composure. " _Wait_! Back up! What about Dojima having a shadow?"

"Eh—!" Adachi winces.

I look over at him, feeling worried. "If it's important, you need to tell us." _Maybe it won't be too bad…_

Adachi groans and yanks on his hair. "When someone goes into a television, their shadow usually separates from them, right?"

I nod.

"So," Adachi continues. "If you don't _see_ a person's shadow, maybe they don't have one?"

"I don't buy it," Kanji breaks in. "Has he been in the TV?" Adachi glances at me and then Nanako. " _Yes_ or _no_?" Kanji barks.

Adachi's gaze finally rests on me. "I don't have all the answers!" I shout, afraid they're all relying on me too much.

"Yes," Adachi turns away. "B-but I had to!" he speedily adds. _I think Kanji's head is going to explode!_

"You were gonna kill him!?" my friend shouts, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

"No!" Adachi yelps. "I wasn't!" _This isn't sounding good…_ "It was dangerous— _yeah_ —so I hid him in the TV!"

 _That's shifty._ I fold my hands, waiting to see how the others react. Kanji's glaring tightly, and Nanako looks like she has more questions. "Well," I speak. "It happened, right?" When there are no further outbursts, I keep going. "What did you see, Aniki-chan?"

Adachi's eyes lock onto my own when I use his nickname. _Did it work? Does he trust me a little?_

Adachi clears his throat before he speaks again. "It was dark. No shadows approached us. Not his, not _any_ of them." He sounds certain—It sounds like he's telling the truth. Kanji's quiet, so I think he buys it.

 _I don't think any weak shadows would approach Adachi. He listened to the shadows, so they wouldn't have attacked him._

I wish I had someone else to talk to. Who wasn't a hot-head.

 _I miss Sensei._

"Does the place still exist?" I question.

Adachi shrugs, looking annoyed. "I didn't see a need to seal it." _It must tire him out, too._

Kanji sighs. "Then we'll need to check it out."

"So..." I glance at the others, still edgy and concerned about the huge, glaring, number-one issue right this minute! "Mole-san over there..."

"He's Kubo," Adachi sighs. "And I broke some ribs. I knocked him out by punching the side of his head. I bet he has a concussion."

Nanako rises, on a mission. She walks over and heals him without a second thought. He's still not waking up, but he definitely isn't dead. We all gape at her.

"What?" she innocently asks. "Do you want to explain this to the police? Cause Dad is one. He'd have to go to the hospital and if we bring him they'll think we did it."

 _It makes sense._ Kanji and Adachi look to me and I shrug.

Kanji looks over at Kubo angrily. "We'll find out what the hell's going on when he gets up."

"We should clean the blood," Nanako quietly observes, and heads for the sink.

I follow her immediately. "I'll help!" I smile. She hands me an old towel and some soap.

"Just go for bleach," is Adachi's unfazed advice. "It's quicker."

I hear Kanji groan and mutter something that sounds an awful lot like "fucking madhouse".

While Nanako and I start scrubbing the floor, I see Adachi pick up the kitchen-knife-turned-murder-weapon. He glares at it before taking it to the sink for a wash.

We all freeze in place when the doorbell rings. I glance at Kanji, who shoots Adachi a look, who shrugs like it doesn't matter. When the bell rings for a second time, I look at Nanako, who puts a finger to her lips.

There is no third ring, just thumping and a voice asking if Dojima's in.

"Me," Kanji nominates himself, taking a breath and then moving to open the door a crack. "H'lo?" he asks, trying to sound normal. _Too normal!_

"Yes, hello!" a male voice replies. "Who are you?"

"Tatsumi," Kanji offers.

We hear a slight gasp of recognition. "Ooh!" the man chirps. "The punk!"

"What?" Kanji's pleasantness grinds to an instant halt. I can practically hear his attitude sharpening. "Who're _you_?" he demands.

"O-oh, sorry!" the man appeases him. We're all very still while we wait. It's really uncomfortable.

You can practically hear the smile in the man's voice. "I'm Yamamura! I started at the station last month! I'm Dojima-san's new partner. I've heard a lot about you from my coworkers."

I swear I hear Adachi hiss. _Hiss!_

 _That's not a normal reaction, right?_

Nanako looks up at Adachi, her forehead creasing in worry.

 _Kanji's not the only one with a temper anymore..._

"So, ah, what do you need?" Kanji asks.

"A disturbance was called in," the man explains. "Sakamoto-sama said that he takes all calls in this area, but he's already gone home. So I thought I'd pop by and see if I could clear it up with my partner without having to file the complaint officially!"

"He's, uh, sleeping!" Kanji covers for us. "Can you put down that you talked to me instead?"

"Hmm," the man thinks. "Is Nanako-chan home at least? I really am supposed to speak with someone in the household."

"I can talk," Adachi grunts. Nanako waves him away, wanting to see how Kanji can play this.

"Can you wait here while I go check?" Kanji asks.

 _Things take a bad turn—_

"If Nanako-chan isn't here, and Dojima-san is sleeping, then what are you doing here, Tatsumi-san?" Yamamura sharply demands.

"Reading!" Kanji blurts. "I don't have a lot of books, myself. I wanted some books to look at."

I do my best not to laugh, reaching out and squeezing Nanako's hand.

" _Just gimme a minute!_ " Kanji orders a little too forcefully and comes back in, slamming the door behind himself. "Dammit!" he flicks his eyes around. He keeps his voice low and mostly even. "The blood's a paint project you did for school, Nanako. Adachi get the friggin' stabby dude in the downstairs bathroom!"

Izanagi dissipates as Adachi easily drags Kubo to the bathroom in the back. I run to the couch and flick on the TV. Nanako throws the bloody towels under the sink and then jogs back over to Kanji. Adachi joins me on the couch as Kanji reopens the door.

"Here she is!" he calls, shoving Nanako in front of him. The door is pushed the rest of the way open and a neat-looking guy with glasses appears. He looks older than Kanji, maybe around Adachi's age.

Speaking of—Adachi is drilling a hole through him with his razor-sharp eyes. If looks could kill! _Brr!_

"Oh," the man says in surprise. "There were a lot of you here!"

He sidesteps Kanji and looks around the room. I scoot closer to Adachi and elbow him so he'll glance at me and stop glaring at the other guy.

"I'm Yamamura! I work at the station."

You could near a pin drop!

 _And_ the noise it makes when it hits the floor!

"It looks like everything's okay here... Uh." He looks a little lost. "Are you Nanako-chan? You're okay with all these guys?" He smiles at her but nervously eyes Adachi and I.

"Mmhmm!" she happily tells him. "These are my friends. They came to hang out with me today!"

"Really?" Yamamura asks, dubious. "That one especially—" He points to Adachi. "Looks a little old to be your friend..."

This is like one of those dramas where the hostage has to give some kind of a signal to the police!

 _Wait_ —

 _That's bad._

That means he thinks _we're_ the _bad guys!_

I feel like a ball of nerves, wondering how we can clear this up. Adachi crosses his legs and makes things worse before any of us can come up with an idea, though. "I'm Ryou's friend," he snips.

Yamamura, _the policeman,_ is now staring right at Adachi's _prison bracele_ t! "Is that right?" he slowly asks. "Because everyone says Dojima-san doesn't have friends. Now where is he again?"

While he's speaking, we hear the bathroom door upstairs close. _Actual Dojima!_

"Hello?" Yamamura calls, moving to the base of the stairs but not taking his eyes off of us.

"Hello _what_?" I hear Dojima yell back.

"Dojima-san?" Yamamura asks.

"Who the hell is it now?" Dojima screams again, probably not realizing it's someone from work. There are footsteps and then an "Oh."

Dojima walks down the stairs, surveying the scene. He's in loose clothes and still carrying a small towel, looking wet and angry. "What are you doing here, Yamamura?" he scowls.

"Well, there was a call about your house so I thought I would take it for you."

"Uh-huh," Dojima folds his arms.

"But it looks like you were home, after all, so I'll go ahead and delete the citation."

"Okay, you do that," Dojima tells him. He looks around and points to the only girl in the room. "You met Nanako?"

"Yes!" Yamamura enthusiastically replies. "It is nice to finally meet you."

"Same," Nanako responds with a strained smile.

I think we're finally done, but then clueless Yamamura _has_ to ask about Adachi. "But who's your friend? They all say you don't have friends," the man laughs, clearly unable to read a situation.

Dojima scowls again and doesn't answer for a minute. Adachi looks over at him defiantly. " _Tohru,_ " Dojima concedes, looking like he's playing losing game of Chicken with Adachi.

"This isn't really my place to ask," Yamamura nervously trails off. When Dojima stares him down, the man stupidly continues. I swallow hard, waiting for someone to blow up. Now there's _three_ of those in the room... "But you have a neighbor who's under house arrest? I hadn't seen any notes about someone like that in the area."

Dojima's turning red and looking really unhappy. "He's not my neighbor," he snaps.

"Then why is he... You can't go on trips if you're under house arrest?"

Adachi's eyes are practically sparkling! "I _live_ here!" he throws gas on the fire. Yamamura looks surprised, while Dojima looks like he'd punch Adachi if he were within reach.

"He's not been entered in as a favor from Ryuuji," Dojima evenly explains, making it clear it's private by using only the chief's first name.

"Okay, then." Yamamura nods and walks over to the couch. He extends a hand to Adachi. "It's nice to meet you...?" He stretches out the phrase, fishing for a last name.

"Adachi," he replies, not quite suppressing his grin.

Yamamura recoils instantly! He yanks his hand back as his expression hardens and he looks a bit scared. "I-I'm sorry," he tries. "You're A-Adachi...?"

"Tohru!" Adachi happily supplies his full name, giving off a goofy smile this time. "Adachi Tohru! Good to meet you too~" He grabs the other man's hand and pumps it enthusiastically a few times.

Dojima is rubbing the bridge of his nose, definitely pissed off now.

"W-what a coincidence!" Yamamura stammers. "Ha ha... Ha."

 _This is too uncomfortable._

"I'm sure you can keep this to yourself, Yamamura?" Dojima quips. "No one in town knows that anyone lives here aside from Nanako and I."

"Of course!" the nervous man assures us.

"You better~" Adachi sings and draws his thumb across his throat. _Yamamura looks likes he's going to pee himself!_

"Dammit moron! That's not something to joke about!" Dojima shouts, giving Adachi a scathing look.

During the moment of slice that follows, there's a loud thump in the other room. Yamamura takes a step back, hand going for his gun.

"Just someone using the bathroom!" I smile.

Yamamura looks down and jolts—As if noticing the blood for the first time.

There are a few more banging noises, as Kubo probably regains consciousness. "I-I-I really need to get back to the station!" Yamamura blurts and backs towards the door.

"Come back anytime!" Adachi gleefully shouts after him as the door slams shut. Then Dojima strides over to the couch and promptly cracks him across the face. Only Kanji flinches—The rest of us aren't fazed a bit, used to this kind of scene.

"What the hell jackass?!" Dojima cries. "We have no control over this situation anymore! Don't go aggravating people who can give us trouble."

"He was being so nosy..." Adachi pouts, unhurt. "And just how long do you plan to hide my living here?"

He's saved from a tirade, though, when the bathroom door clicks open. Kubo peeks out, confused. Then the color drains from his face when he spies all of us hanging around so casually— _Especially_ the man he thought he killed. He slams the door shut and Dojima groans loudly.

"Get out of there!" Dojima hollers, walking into the kitchen to get a beer. Kubo reopens the door and meekly steps into the room. "Stay right there and sit on the floor." Kubo complies while the man chugs the whole beer and slams the can on the table. "You have one chance to explain yourself. We know who you are, and if you move from that spot I will arrest you," he barks. "Breaking and entering. Attempted assault. Assaulting a police officer. I can go on. So don't move an inch."

He considers the other option. "If you try to pull something else or make a run for it, I'll let _them_ deal with you." He cocks a thumb at the rest of us, as if we're a real threat.

 _Well, Adachi did get him pretty good._

The rest of us fall silent as we wait to see what Kubo will say. His eyes dart around, glancing at each of us, not talking for a while. Dojima opens a second drink and gestures that he'd better say something.

"If you know who I am, then you know about the _shadow_ ," Kubo starts. "I've seen it coming and going from here! I saw it following him—" he points at me. "And I don't want all that crap to start again!" There's a desperation in his eyes I don't like.

"How long have you seen it for?" Adachi speaks up.

Kubo looks around, as if it could be here right now. He's frowning. "For more than a week it's been hanging around in town. I followed it back here."

"That's before you even got back!" Kanji remarks.

Adachi makes a guttural noise. " _Shut up_!" He cries and everyone snaps their attention right to him. "I _know_ now that I've been _set up_ , okay?! Let's deal with him first," he points at Kubo.

Dojima sighs. "Why did you try to stab him? And then when you hit me instead you just kept going!"

"If you kill them their shadow stops, right?"

Kanji and I exchange worried looks. "No," I tell everyone. "Aniki-chan's god didn't even show itself until he passed out. We took care of him and his persona, but it didn't make a difference at all."

Dojima pulls out a chair and sits down. "What's this about gods?"

"We'll fill you in later," Adachi tells him, then turns to Kubo. "He wasn't even involved in all of this and you _killed_ him." He's glaring so viciously at Kubo, I bet he'd rip him to shreds if the rest of us weren't around.

"Says the other murderer," Kubo mirthlessly laughs. "It's easier after the first one isn't it?"

"How are you even _out of jail_?!" Adachi venomously yells.

"Likewise," Kubo counters.

Kanji smacks the wall! "Enough fighting." He turns to Kubo expectantly.

"I wasn't tried as an adult. So I got out at twenty and now it's sealed. _Easy_."

 _I think that's too easy…_

The looks shooting around lead me to believe no one had considered this. Nor had anyone followed up on Kubo before now.

"I have an apartment a little out of town and work at game store in Okina City."

"Game store?" Adachi quickly interjects, perking up. "Do you, like, get discounts?"

Dojima turns to him incredulously, shaking his head. "Shut up, Adachi." Adachi looks angry at being addressed by his last name, but doesn't say anything more. "The man killed me and you want a _discount_?!"

I feel a laugh in my throat, but swallow it quickly. I'm starting to see the black humor sprinkled in. _With stuff like this, if you don't find at least one point of light, the darkness will surround you completely._

Dojima stands again and walks towards Kubo. "Put your number in my phone." He hands the other man his mobile. "I will give it to him and to him," he points to Kanji and Adachi.

"We all know about these... Whatever they are. So we should keep tabs on each other. However, if I see you around here again and when you are not invited, I'll let _them_ handle you. And Adachi's a _murderer_ , right?" Dojima glares tightly, taking his cell back after the other man is done. " _Get out of here._ "

Kubo stands and bolts for the door. When it slams behind the strange man, you can feel the atmosphere lighten. Everyone is breathing easier and sighing in relief. _It's been a long afternoon..._

"I have some homework to do," Nanako excuses herself and walks up the stairs.

"Me too~" I tell the others and run after her. No one even bothers to correct me, already busily discussing everything and catching Dojima up.

"Nana-chan!" I breathe, jumping onto her bed to play with my phone while she works. "Are you okay?"

She sets down a notebook and turns around. "Not really."

 _I didn't think so._ "It's okay now though!" I try to reassure her.

She chews on her lip, seeming not-at-all convinced. "Nothing like that's happened in so long. I didn't think about what all of us having personas would mean... I was just happy to be included."

I shove my phone back in my pocket. "That's why Kanji was so upset before. He knew it wasn't going to be easy."

"You were about my age and you were fine." I can feel my smile falling.

 _Everyone's unique_.

"You can't measure yourself against any of us. We all have different powers and strengths." Today was a real shock to me, too. "And no one's approached us so violently in your world before! He was wild!"

Nanako sighs. "He was holding a grudge, right?" I tentatively nod. "How many more people do you think have vendettas against Tohru-jisan? This could happen again." She folds her arms and sits down on her desk chair. "This could be the beginning of a lot of trouble."

"That is true..."

 _Isn't there anything I can say?_

Nanako smiles weakly and turns around to do her work. I lay still for a few minutes, staring at her back and wondering what _I_ _can_ do.

 _I can protect her. Maybe I can only help one person, but that can be her. That's something I can do!_

I smile and walk over to Nanako. She doesn't turn around, absorbed in her studies already. I lean down and hug her, squeezing my arms around her neck. "Don't worry." I say. "I'll protect you, and you can heal me!"

My face feels hot. She looks up at me and her face lights up. "I know." She pats my arms. "We'll be alright. It's going to take me some time to adjust, but I trust you. And Kanji and Tohru-jisan and the others." Nanako's eyes look like they might cry, but I think she knows how much I care. "Thanks, Teddie."

I beam and squeeze her again. "Of course~ You can always call me and I'll get there super-fast!"

* * *

Note: I am using what I know and have learned about prisons, sentences, and records in the US. I know next to nothing about all of that in Japan, but have been able to ask questions of American friends who have had family members either in jail, prison, under house arrest, or all of the above. They were all very helpful!

Re-Edited 6/14/17


	23. Entropy (Oretachi)

Chapter Sixteen: Entropy

(Tohru)

"Do you two want to stay here tonight?" Ryoutarou asks the boys while we're cleaning up after dinner. "I think we're all fairly shaken up, and—" he points right at Teddie. "—this is for _tonight only_."

The blond boy breaks out smiling immediately, cheering and dancing around the first floor like today wasn't a total clusterfuck. Ryoutarou groans, turning to Kanji. "You're sure I shouldn't even go to the doctor?"

The tall kid nods. "It looks good enough. Yukiko can do a much better job, but I don't know if you need to be inside a TV. None of us have ever been able to summon out here."

Ryoutarou nods back dumbly, taking in as much as he can without going nuts. "But you said Nanako could too?"

"She did," Kanji reluctantly admits. "But we don't know much about it. Teddie can tell they're different from the rest of us, but we don't know how or why. Most of this is trial and error." Ryoutarou nods again and pours some coffee.

"Don't worry," I brightly assure him. "You can get one soon, too!" The two just stare at me like I'm out of my mind.

"I'd rather not get any further into _'this'_ ," Ryoutarou gestures around the room with his mug, frowning deeply. "I don't know how much I can take."

"Well..." Kanji rubs his neck and looks away from him. "We might need you to try to get one. _This guy,_ " he jabs a finger at me. "Apparently set up your world by accident. So if you ever end up on the other side of the TV or something, you might die."

Ryoutarou pales, connecting the dots. "Like Yamano and Konishi?"

Kanji nods.

I sigh. "Well, we don't know how _exactly_ they died, but it was definitely their shadows." _Mostly._

Ryoutarou's face darkens. "They were mutilated and drained of blood!" he hisses in a low voice. "I don't want to die like that!"

I slap a hand on his shoulder. "Then we'll take care of it. Just get used to everything for now. One step at a time, as you tell me~" I rub his shoulder and try to look reassuring.

My partner sighs and slings am arm around me. "You're going to have to explain that sometime, you know." I nod, knowing he means the time I dragged him in to begin with.

"Well," Kanji yawns. "I'm going to head out. I wanna to stop by and fill Yuki-chan in. If we do move forward, we're going to need her!" The others wave as the tall one steps into his shoes.

"Take Tohru's key," Ryoutarou orders and I balk.

"That's _mine_!"

" _Idiot._ We only have three keys," Ryoutarou leans his head on mine. "We need to keep the door locked again, alright?" he asks loudly. The kids agree and he turns to me. "You're not supposed to go far from the house as it is. I want them to have it for now."

I huff. " _Fine._ " Ryoutarou pats my back, then washes his cup in the sink. Kanji shuts the door behind himself and locks it. I turn back to Ryoutarou. "Do you want to know how I did it today?"

He pauses. Then drops his mug in the rack a bit roughly. "What do you mean, Tohru?" he sharply inquires.

I smirk. "I can't do it very far, but a few feet works." I look at the floor a little bit away and manage to teleport out of my anklet. I hear it clatter to the floor a second later.

Ryoutarou literally jumps and drops the dishtowel. "Yah!"

The kids look over from the television and I hold up the bracelet for them to see. Teddie "ooh"s and Nanako gives me a thumbs-up. I proudly hand the bracelet to Ryoutarou.

He promptly throws it back to the floor, unamused. "Well _that's_ useless."

"You'll get more keys?" I prod.

"Yes," he dryly replies, picking up the towel and hanging it.

Ryoutarou cheeks his watch. "I'm going up," he announces. He looks over at me searchingly. "Too much happened today..." I nod because there isn't much I can say to that.

"Don't stay up too late," Ryoutarou warns Nana and Teddie. "You stay in Tohru's room, _got it_?" The blond boy nods eagerly.

With Ryoutarou climbing the stairs, I turn to the kids. "G'night~ Mess up my bed and end up on a TV antenna~!"

" _Goddammit Tohru!_ " Ryoutarou angrily hollers. But Teddie is laughing and Nanako's rolling her eyes. _No harm done._

"Coming~" I sing and bound up the stairs. "What?" I ask, grinning.

Ryoutarou sighs, sounding aggravated. "I don't have _words_..."

"That's okay!" I tell him. "It's not that complicated after you learn the basics... Oh—!" I remember Black Frost. "I need to deal with something. I'll be in my room for a bit."

"Whatever," he replies. "I'm going for a soak and then to bed. And tomorrow I want a better explanation."

"Okay~" I bob my head and retrace my steps across the hall. I shut my door behind me and call for Frost.

"Hee hooooo~!" he sings, appearing out of thin air. "So happy to see Izanagi again, ho!"

My face tightens to a glare. "Are you now?"

He tumbles around in the air excitedly. "Ho yes! We need him!"

"You set me up." It isn't a question and the thing doesn't answer. "Is there something worse?"

"Hoo... This world is changing. Better for my friend to be safe."

I narrow my eyes.

Frost waves his hands around. "Hee hee we're going to be on the winning side~ And you can protect the humans, ho! Both win!"

I glower at him. "Don't purposely get anyone else killed. Unless I tell you."

"Hee hoo~" it coos and vanishes.

"Shit," I swear. _Nothing's going to be as easy as promised._

I click on my cell and use the camera to look at myself. _My eerie eyes. This is who I really am._

All the cards are on the table this time around. I don't have any more aces up my sleeve or secret helpers or places to hide. It's all laid bare and every one of those bumbling idiots out there knows _who_ I am and _where_ I am.

I hear a knock on the door. "Yeah?" I call, clicking my phone back to sleep.

Teddie and Nanako walk in. "You shouldn't trust them too much," the boy nervously tells me.

 _They know everything..._

"Who else was I supposed to trust? The inmates? The _guards_?"

"You can trust _us_ ," Nanako replies. "We can help, but only if you let us."

"So what did he say?" Teddie asks, jumping on the couch.

I give him an annoyed look. "Nothing you don't already know. He said things are changing. He said to protect myself."

"Well things _are_ changing..."

"He said I needed Izanagi." I tip my head back in thought. "I don't know why I would when I can just contr—" _Oops_.

They're staring at me expectantly when I glance back. I guess now they _will_ know everything.

I tug at my hair, annoyed it shows off my anxiety. "I, uh, I was able to form a contract with Black Frost. I have another one, but it needs to be summoned and it's tricky..."

"Why? You just gotta yell ' _persona_ '! Or it's name!" Teddie laughs.

Nanako shakes her head. "I don't even need to do that."

"The _contracted_ ones," I correct. "It's different. If I want to summon them, I have to use some power. Black Frost helped me. It uses my blood."

"That's gruesome." Nanako wrinkles her nose.

"While I was in prison I found out how to form contracts. They're different than persona bonds. I _own_ them."

Nanako absorbs this thoughtfully. "So Black Frost?"

Teddie is rocking back and forth, looking uneasy.

"He just comes when I call. I never _un_ summon him. Part of our agreement was that he's free when I don't need him."

"Those aren't the rules..." Teddie is frowning deeply. "I'd never seen a persona on this side before."

"Kid!" I exclaim. "You're a _shadow_ on this side. Personas and shadows are similar. It makes sense—and if you would pay attention—he's not a persona. He's a _demon_."

"What," Nanako uncertainty begins. "Are _you_ , Tohru-jisan?"

I turn to her, unsure how to answer.

 _I guess the real answer._

"I got a little too chummy with my shadow. I accepted him a little too much. Now I'm _both_. My shadow and I." _I need an easier explanation..._ "Think of me as chaotic neutral."

"Like in a game?" Nanako asks.

" _Just_ like a game!" I point at her, smiling.

"Ooh!" Teddie whoops.

But her eyes bore through me. "That doesn't mean you're _good_."

I wag my finger at her. "Doesn't mean I'm bad, either. I'm whoever you want me to be!"

"Whoever _you_ want you to be," she corrects.

I shrug. "At the end of the day, yes. But don't sell yourself short. _You're_ more important than you think."

 _That's enough chatting._ _I don't need more people knowing they have power over me._

"G'night," I wave to the kids and hastily leave the room, yanking a charger out of the wall on my way out. I can feel Little Miss Justice watching me walk away.

 _I'd never do something simply because it's the right thing. I've learned that gets you nowhere in life._

I slide the door to Ryoutarou's room closed behind me. It's quiet. I bet he's asleep.

I shirk my shirt and pants and toss them in a pile. Plug in my phone and game. And collapse on the futon.

 _Fuck I'm tired._

 _I don't miss Inaba anymore. I was a fool to think things here could ever be peaceful._

I'm just drifting off to sleep when I hear Ryoutarou say something: "I really died today?"

" _Yes_ ," I tiredly reply, my voice muffled by my pillow. I yawn.

"Have you ever died?"

" _No_."

"Have any of the kids died?"

" _Probably_. That's why there's magic that revives people. But it doesn't work over here. And it's powerful. I can't do it."

He's silent for a minute, but then starts asking more questions. _Damn!_

"How long has Nanako been one of you?"

" _Recently_." _That I've known._

"Do you have to—" Ryoutarou starts to ask another but I roll over throw my arm around him, groaning loudly.

"No talks. Just sleeps." I let out a big breath— _Really beat._ " _Tomorrow_. Just try and sleep or you'll feel worse. Exhaustion happens." Ryoutarou chuffs but stays quiet.

 _Having a party must be the pits. Did they have to explain everything all over every single time they saved another one?_

I lean against Ryoutarou and hope there aren't any more surprises.

 _We'll figure it out..._

For one more night I want us to just be _us_.

Just _you and me._

 _The way we used to be—Before I was in too deep, before people started dying, before you went into a TV…_

Before I became _me_ and _him_.

One calm night, and we'll deal with everything else later.

* * *

Notes: Thank you so SO much for sticking with me until the end! I extremely appreciate your time! I love being able to share my passions and ideas with everyone online. :)

If you have a few minutes, please drop me a line! I would love any feedback and ideas-And criticism is super welcome! It makes me happy and motivated to see that people are enjoying my writing~

I will be taking a week off again between stories so I can get ahead. I like to have at least half written before I begin posting to make sure I'll see the story through to the end. If you didn't hear, it's going to be called "Watakushi", which is a general way of saying "I" and also indicates private matters. I have a few chapters partially written and am excited about my new ideas-What if Adachi and his shadow had more to them than we knew? What was it like when he met his 'other half'? And don't even get me started on Dojima's shadow! I have big plans for that, too. I want to just give it away so badly... Know that I'm working to execute everything superbly. But it takes time... In the meanwhile, feel free to visit my profile and even send me an email. I love chatting about mange, games, anime, novels, whatever.

One last time- Thank you! I hope to see you in a week~~

Re-Edited 6/14/17


	24. Empty (Watakushi)

Note: I've called this chapter 0-1 of Watakushi because it's kind of a prologue. We see Adachi's first interaction with his shadow. Then we jump ahead to the week following his Okaeri flashback at Dojima's.

* * *

Chapter Zero-One: Empty

(Tohru)

I'm in the middle of a game and the screen cuts to static.

"Ahhh man!" _Is my PlayStation broken?_

I turn the television on and off a few times before I realize that it's never actually shutting _off_. "What the hell?"

I wriggle out from under the kotatsu and walk over with the intention of unplugging the unit. When I draw closer, however, the picture cuts to a different level—One I haven't seen before.

The landscape is all shades of red and black, shot through with blasts of yellow. "Huh?" I lean in, trying to figure out what went wrong with the game.

And then a hand _reaches _out of the television__!

It gruffly yanks the front of my shirt and I shriek as I'm pulled through my big screen.

 **#**

I land hard on my butt. Concrete and packed earth.

 _Painful!_

I stand and sigh, wondering if this is some kind of delusion, mental disorder, concussion...? _What even?_

 _And then I see him. In the distance there is a person who looks extremely..._

He ambles over to me, holding himself in a familiar slouch. He's wearing my suit. My haircut I had to give myself.

 _But his eyes are a shiny, golden-yellow._

"So this is what you think of the place, huh? I do like our decorating..." He sneers. "Everything's sooo boring~"

"Huh?" I ask, bewildered at seeing myself standing in front of me.

He cackles. "What's the problem? I'm _you_ , obviously!" He strikes a pose. "And fear no more—I'm here to help!"

"What?" I ask, confused. "How?"

"They sent us away and took our gun. But look! _I_ have one. And you can too." He smirks, looking _absolutely_ wicked.

"Step one: _Make it._ Research. I know we can~ Show the world that fucking magic-ticket bullshit called _talent_ isn't everything. We've come this far by pushing and pushing and _pushing_ through the roadblocks. And you'll love it—We're going to do something _amazing_ ~"

 _I do want a gun again. I felt powerful..._

 _Not like here._

 _My new main job is fetching coffee. Ugh._

"We were given the power to _change everything_ —To turn the world on its head."

I'm warming up, considering his words. "What do I have to do?"

" _Whatever_ you want—Remember that! And~" His eyes narrow to slits. "If anybody pisses you off, just chuck them in here." The other me spreads his arms and smiles crazily. "I'll make sure _they're taken care of_."

The other Tohru hooks his arm back and slings the gun. It skitters towards me, landing a few feet away.

"Take it. _Reject_ me. _Shoot me._ Keep being your persona—Keep making them think you're the likable idiot. Then _I_ can stay in here and _you_ can be out there. Only come back if there's trouble. You can see everything from the comfort of our nice little flat."

I look at the gun. _Is it even real?_

"Shoot me," he commands.

 _I want to be something._

 _I want people to look at me_ — _I want them to listen to me._

I walk forward and hesitantly reach out for the tiny weapon. It's solid.

It's cold.

It's hard.

I remember what to do. All the training that I never would've been able to use again. I undo the safety, cock, point, and—

 _PA-KRAK!_

 _DON!_

I drop the gun in surprise as the yellow-eyed me crumples to the ground in a heap. He doesn't move for a few seconds, but then holds up his arm and throws me a thumbs-up.

I feel odd as a red cloud begins to surround me.

" _Run_ ," is all he says and I feel like I'm moving, like I'm swimming.

The next thing I know, I'm being ejected from my flat-screen, tumbling to the floor in a heap.

 **#**

It's been almost a week since that stuff at Ryoutarou's house. _Since I freaking passed-out during what should've been a super satisfying evening..._

And he's paranoid I'm sick or something—Like with a brain tumor or some other disastrous malady that makes me pass out.

Well, he's got secrets and things he doesn't talk about, and _I've_ got my own, too.

I've been at his house every night since. It would be fun except that he's acting like I'm going to keel over and die any minute! So we've had no repeat attempts at— _Well whatever the hell we were trying to do before._ We have tomorrow off, so we'll see.

We're supposed to stay at my place tonight, and I get to leave early. _Lucky~_

I lied and said I'm going to the doctor. Two birds with one stone: it'll shut him up about me dying and I can check on whatever the hell Namatame's decided to do.

I shove my chair back from my desk and stretch. "Whoo~" I yawn. "Glad to be done with that!" I flash Ryoutarou a grin that he doesn't return. He shuffles papers around on his desk and pushes files into a bag on the floor.

"Come on," he stands. "I'll drive you."

 _Ugh. No. That can't happen..._

"I'd really rather go by myself," I easily reply, rubbing the back of my head and trying to look sorry.

Ryoutarou sighs. "You _really_ want to walk?"

"I'll be fine," I wave him off. "Oh—" I walk over to his desk and make a show of taking a key off my carabiner. "Here," I tell him. "Just meet me. I'll be there in a few hours!"

He gingerly takes the key from my hand and slips it on his own abomination—A mess of keys and novelty keychains he clearly received as gifts from god-knows-where. "Thanks," he gruffly tells me.

 _He looks uncomfortable—He must mean it._

I smile and tell him to help himself to the beer and whatever he can find in the fridge. Then I slip on my jacket and exit through the back door of the station.

 _I'm happy that Amagi girl showed up on the Midnight Channel. She would end up being a pain for me if she knows anything about my visit to the inn._

 _I never imagined things would work out so_ _smoothly_ _! If I can get Namatame to shove enough people into televisions, I'm sure he'll crack when I 'catch' him._

 _Then he can take the blame and I can keep on doing—Well who the fuck knows. But I'll be a scot-free._

I amble down the side roads to get to Namatame's family's place. It's a bit of a hike, but the recon will be worth it. Long walks never bothered me.

 _I don't see anyone around, as it's after-hours. I also don't know what to look for, exactly..._

The garage is open, so I slip inside and walk around, inspecting the small fleet of vans. I smile—The marked delivery vehicles won't look out of place _anywhere_ around town.

I peer inside one, noticing that there are papers for the driver. I find Namatame's and try the handle. _Open._

I couldn't be happier with what's inside— _A TV even larger than my own!_

 _He got the hint. He definitely knows what to do._

I exit the garage, feeling overwhelmingly relieved. It'll be a solid half-hour or so walk back to my own place. _But that's fine~_

 _I have my out..._

Back at my building, I climb the stairs and fish for my keys. I feel an odd weirdness about _not_ knocking on my own door when I know someone is inside. So I do knock, then start to insert my key, when the door opens on its own—

"Evening, officer. Can I help you?" Ryoutarou asks with a straight face, and then bursts out laughing, taking a swig from a can of beer.

I walk in and peek around. "Boy..." I start.

Next to the couch, there are several crushed beer cans and plastic bags near the remains of takeout—Which I'm hoping is more than just empty containers. Not to mention his jacket and pants are just thrown on the kitchen counter. "You've, _uhm_ , gone right to town, huh?"

Ryoutarou shakes his can and frowns at the almost-empty sound. He drains the rest, then crushes the can in one hand, grinning drunkenly. "I think I _miss_ living alone."

 _Oh—_

 _Shit._

 _Not._

 _The plan._

 _Is there even any beer left? He's definitely on his way to drunk..._

I yank at my hair in frustration and take off my own jacket. I throw it over a chair and survey the damage. "Did you save me any—well—anything?"

"Yeah," Ryoutarou amiably replies. "I only had one pack. I found vodka in the cabinet."

"Oh." At least he isn't sad or angry. _Yet_. "Oh boy..."

"There's fried rice and gyoza over there," Ryoutarou points to the mess by the couch. "C'mon! I was watching baseball. I don't know the last time I've seen the Tigers play... It's all quiz shows at my house. Even my nephew likes them."

"Oh," I interject. "Are you from Osaka?"

Ryoutarou shakes his head, laughing. "Nope! _Tokyo!_ " He seems to find this particularly funny, guffawing so hard he spits some of his beer on the floor.

"Really? Then would you, by chance, be related to—"

His answer is a solid wall. " _No._ No relations besides my sister and her family… But man! The team this year! I just can't get enough of new lineup. And..." he goes on and on. _Talkative tonight._

He slings his empty arm around me and guides me to the couch. I sit, feeling uncomfortable that my own house is not in the state I prefer. I take a deep breath and wince as a plastic container is shoved in my lap. _Gyoza._ Ryoutarou swings his legs up on the couch, leaning back against the arm and watching me intently.

"Wow," I smile anxiously. "Thanks for the fo—" I stare, squinting a little. Only two are whole. Three more have at least one bite taken out, and the sixth is just half the wrapping.

"Any time, Toe-rue!" Ryoutarou replies, slapping me on the back. One of the half-eaten dumplings plops to the floor.

With that and the dripping beer cans, I doubt I'll be getting my deposit back anymore. _Damn he's like a hurricane of mess!_

 _When's the last time he was able to really cut loose? Talk about wound too tightly..._

I eat the rest of the sad gyoza and then Ryoutarou's handing me fried rice. _Is there anything not greasy?_ He's jabbering away, pointing at the television every once in a while.

Well, I'm _certainly_ not lonely.

"How drunk are you?" I stupidly blurt.

Ryoutarou smirks. "How done eating are you?"

 _So done_ _._ _This isn't even warm!_

I set the container back on the floor, not bothering to cover it. I'm not cleaning the rest of this crap now.

I'm sitting back up when all the air's knocked out of my lungs. "Eh?!" I yelp. It feels like I've been _punched_! He's got one of his gigantic arms around me, dragging me onto his lap. _Fucking know your strength, idiot!_

"Tohru," he murmurs, drawing me to him.

"Yeah, you're drunk."

He either doesn't hear me or doesn't care. He just hugs me and gently touches my torso. "How was the doctor?"

Well at least I'm facing away from him, so I don't have to see his face when I lie.

"I'm fine," I evenly reply.

I'm finding I don't like directly lying to him. _That's not great._

 _It's complicating._

"Good." Ryoutarou nuzzles his sharp face into my neck and I'd push him away if it didn't feel so nice having someone hold me.

 _Eww. _I_ do the holding._

 _But it does feel nice. And safe._

I sigh, but do lean back against him.

 _Whatever._

 _It's fine for now._

His hands rest on my legs. "I was hoping we could finish what we started last week."

 _Oh yeah?_

"Yeah," I say. "I'd like that."

"Mmmh," Ryoutarou replies, groping for my belt. He rests his chin on my shoulder and I squirm, feeling awkward that he's watching like that.

His hands are steadier than I expected. _Maybe for this he needed the push of liquor—_ And I _am_ glad to have noticed Ryoutarou mostly drinks only when he's off now.

 _I'm glad..._

We shift so my pants can slide down. And I'm already getting a little fuzzy, like I'm drunk myself, and he hasn't even touched me yet. I can feel that he's excited too, and I can't help trembling while he works at my shirt buttons— _Waiting patiently isn't my thing._

I can feel a laugh rumble through Ryoutarou's chest and I sigh, pushing his hands away to do it myself.

"What?" he asks with mock offense. "Where do you think I should—"

I grumble and move his hands back to my lap. He snickers again, and I wonder at why he can't be so funny and playful _all_ the time. Not the angry asshole I get at work.

Ryoutarou's so gentle it's painful. He circles his free arm around me, reaching inside my now-open shirt to touch skin. I'm surprised that feels even more intimate than the other stuff.

He kisses my shoulder and I shiver. "What do you like?" he breathes. "What do you want me to do?"

And, completely without thinking, I just blurt the first thought on my mind again—"Fuck me."

I hear him suck in a sharp breath and he tightens his grip around my middle. _That's_ a good reaction. I can't help smirking myself, imagining what his face must look like.

"Are you sure?" he groans into my neck, delicately biting a little.

"Yes." _I'm one-hundred percent certain that's what I want._

I'm _less_ sure it's a _good idea_.

Ryoutarou halts his movements and sighs.

 _Okay—Now I don't like _that_._

"What?" I nervously ask, trying to twist enough to get a look at his face. I can tell he's hard. _So...?_

He turns away so I can't see his expression, which I _definitely_ don't like.

"I don't know what to do," he grudgingly admits.

 _Oh. That's what you're worried about?!_

 _Don't freaking scare me..._

I heave a sigh of my own, my surge of panic dissipating. "I'm sure we can figure it out." I feel him nod in agreement. "Let's go over there—" I point to the bed. "And I'll grab— _fuck_ —I don't even know. Lemme up," I command.

Ryoutarou swivels around so I can hop off the couch and I realize I've got maybe five minutes—tops—to figure out how we're going to do this before he sobers up enough to realize it's a _shitty_ idea.

I've never done this—I'll need _something_ to make it easier. At least easy enough that I don't never want to do it again.

"What're you looking for?" Ryoutarou asks, sitting on the edge of my bed, sounding— _and looking_ —smug. His mouth is turned up like he's hiding something.

"Uhh?" I respond.

"Did you even look in the bag over there?"

I shake my head and he sighs dramatically, swinging his legs back and forth.

I walk back to the couch and root around in the bag that's still full. A bunch of frigging corner-store sake bottles. And— _ah_. One that's not like the others. Plastic instead of glass. I feel myself turning red and I can hear him laughing again.

So we _were_ on the same wavelength.

I pick it—and one of the sake jars—up and walk back over to him. Ryoutarou's scratching the back of his neck and smiling so innocently it's gross. "I don't know what I'm doing, but I thought that would help. And do you like sake?"

 _No_. _Hate it._

"Yeah," I grin back. "I'm going to clean up a little. Can you hang tight for a few minutes?" I go into the bathroom so I can run some soap and water over the important parts.

First, I rip the plastic lid off the sake jar. Then pull the can-like tab. I don't care for this stuff, but there was a lot. _Freaking hope he isn't planning to drink it all..._ I down half and wash up.

Back in the main room, Ryoutarou's watching TV again, still sitting on the edge of my bed. He cracks a smile when I walk over. _That's good._

"Let me take that off for you," he says, tugging my shirt off my shoulders.

I start on his, as if it's the most natural thing. He puts his arms around me and I reach down to make sure he's still into it... A bit surprised, really, this is actually happening. _I didn't think he'd so readily go all the way with a guy._

 _He must really like me._

 _Me._

 _Adachi Tohru._

I push that thought away, swallowing hard to disperse any inklings of future regret— _Like how much he'd hate me if he ever figured out what I've done._

He chuckles and pulls me on top of him and I'm back in the moment. _I'm not really a planner, anyway._

I relax a little while he holds me, just feeling my back and shoulders before kissing me again. _It's nice having someone touch you just to touch you..._

 _I should learn to plan, but now's not the time for that._

Right now I should focus on the way he's rubbing my legs and butt. Still gently, but in a much needier way than earlier. Like he's on a mission.

It has definitely _not_ escaped me that that he acts like my pleasure is more important than his. Like _I'm_ important to him.

And then there's way he's been hyper-aware of me all week and watching me like I'll pass out again—Like he'd _care_ if I wasn't around anymore.

I let him roll us so that he's on top of me. I let him lift my legs and sit my ankles on his shoulders so he can see what's down there. Without hesitation he reaches for the bottle and squeezes some of the lube onto his fingers.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you." Ryoutarou locks his slate-grey eyes with mine, looking worried—maybe a little scared—and still unsure, but I can also sense his desire to keep going.

"Yeah," I breathe. "Don't worry." I rest my hand on his arm and can feel my lips pull back into a toothy, sloppy grin. _I_ sure don't want him to stop.

I take a deep breath and rub his arm. "Okay." I use my other hand to touch myself a little, worried it'll hurt without any sort of other stimulation.

He damn well takes his time, leisurely circling the outside and keeping near the entrance. I'm surprised it doesn't hurt at all, and even take my hand away from myself so I can grab his head when he leans in to kiss me, looking happy in a dopey way. It's too... _Cute_?

 _Ugh—I didn't know he could _be c_ ute._

Ryoutarou pulls his mouth away from mine to tell me he's going to try another. I feel a flutter of panic, but again it's not as bad as I expected. Things go smoothly until—

The _third_ one isn't great, though.

It downright _burns_ —even with more stuff and him touching me. Ryoutarou looks sheepish when I tighten or wince and I worry he's going to call it off. I grab a fistful of his hair so he can't back away and he kisses me again and whispers to me that we can take our time.

No. I wanna do this _now_.

When the fiery sensation finally stops— _mostly_ —I push him away.

"Okay." I'm firm.

 _I_ know what I want. "I'm ready."

He tentatively nods and makes sure to coat himself in more of the stuff. For a second I wonder where we're going to freaking sleep afterwards. This is going to be an absolute _disaster area_.

Then Ryoutarou's leaning over me again, and I reach over to guide him. It still burns, but is more of an itching, now.

 _It's going to work out._

I let out the breath I've been holding and rest my hand on his hip. He moves slowly and for once, I'm glad he's overly cautious.

I wrinkle my eyebrows, wondering at the thoughtful look on his face.

"I-it's different," he bashfully admits, crimson creeping onto his face.

I try not to laugh and it turns into one of my smirks, which makes him roll his eyes. "In a good way?" I prompt.

" _Yes_."

 _Wow that's hot—_

I hadn't quite realized how good this all fells until I processed that statement. "You can—" I stop halfway through because he gets the message.

He holds me with both hands, now and I clutch at his back, digging in my nails. I have a huge urge to bite into his neck again, but I think it'd end up being too hard because— _Fuck—_

I'm over the edge, making some keening sound. Which throws him as well, and shit—

 _It's like I'm being rent in half!_

And then it's over...

Ryoutarou's still leaning over me panting. He reaches up to help me unhook my legs—That have _zero_ feeling, I should add.

"Urgh," I groan, kind of dizzy.

Ryoutarou rolls over and drags me with him, holding me tightly pressed against him. We stay still like that for a while.

I feel good— _I don't feel as empty_ —and not nearly as lonely—as I usually do.

Until he speaks: soft and serious.

And it makes all of me go _numb_ —

Feel cold and fearful.

" _I think I love you_."

* * *

Last Note: Thanks for reading~ I'm anxious that three chapters of backstory may be too much... I tried to space it out with the rest, again, but it was harder to tell what happened in which order. So we're seeing important points in their relationship like a highlights reel. I HOPE you enjoy! Feedback is always welcome!


	25. Full (Watakushi)

Chapter Zero-Two: Full

(Ryoutarou)

It's not exactly comfortable, waking up at Tohru's the next morning—

Remembering what I told him the night before. I was buzzed enough that everything seemed like a good idea—The whole deal.

Then it slipped out so easily, with so little warning. _I surprised myself, really._

I roll over to get up without waking Tohru, who looks so quiet and at ease—Not a common sight from the loudmouth.

 _And_ I land on the floor with a loud noise.

The _hardwood_ floor.

"Dammit," I curse aloud, then check to make sure he didn't wake up.

I don't like Western beds or wooden floors. This being the primary reason.

Feeling sore, I stretch my back and stand. I use the bathroom and dress myself, relieved at the fact that I finally bought him a coffeepot last week.

In the kitchen I pour grounds directly from the bag into the modern, filterless machine. _I freaking hope he has mugs._

While I wait, I throw everything dirty in his machine, picking up the sheets as well as his hamper. It won't hurt to be helpful, and I _am_ happy to get away from my own house from time to time.

 _The only drawback is that he doesn't want me to smoke in here._

Not a fan of _that_. I'll have to go for a walk and have a cigarette or I know I'll get grouchy.

When the coffee is ready, I search for mugs, growing irritated when I don't see a single one. I finally take down two large yunomi and pour a cup for each of us. I add a lot of sugar to his, and then I carry them over to Tohru's bed, dropping down on the edge.

"Wake up," I command.

He doesn't even stir. I call out in a louder voice a few more times, then finally place the coffee on the floor so I can shake him. "Tohru," I say, gripping his skinny shoulder.

" _Yah!_ " he shrieks, scrambling to a sitting position. I can see panic and distrust in his eyes. It fades to his normal expression after a few seconds, but he looked _so scared_...

 _I don't know what he could be that terrified of, but I'm sure his look will stick with me for a long time._

"You alright?" I ask, worry coloring my tone.

Tohru nods and pastes on a smile. "Yep~ G'morning, Ryoutarou!"

I roll my eyes and pick up the teacups. "Here. You don't have cream, but I did dump in a lot of sugar."

He takes it from me and has a cautious sip. "It's good~" he sings. I chuckle at his cute reaction.

I clear my throat and tell him I started his laundry, then swing my feet up so I can lean against the headboard and enjoy my own drink. "You, _ah_ , feeling okay today?" I ask, unsure if I hurt him at all last night.

"Yeah," Tohru grins brightly. "I'm great!"

"Good," I answer, smiling myself.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, until Tohru asks me what time I have to leave at. I shrug. "I can stay until two, at least. Do you have something to do today?"

"Not really," he replies, shaking his head. "Though I should go shopping. Can you drop me off on your way home?"

I agree and close my eyes, content.

"Are you tired?" Tohru questions.

I laugh. "Relieved."

"Relieved?" he repeats, sounding unsure.

"Yes," I tell him. "This is relaxing, just drinking coffee with you."

"O-oh." He starts fidgeting, looking suddenly self-conscious.

"Stop it, Tohru—Let me _have_ this." I pause, weighing whether or not I should ask about what I said yesterday.

 _He didn't say anything back, so I am a little worried._

I sigh. "Is it _alright_?" I haltingly ask. "If I'm in love with you?"

He stares ahead, looking like he's fairly unnerved.

"If it's not okay, you need to _tell_ me so I can stop this from going any further." I sip from my mug, waiting to hear what he has to say.

"...That's not it."

I sigh again. _That's not what I was expecting. I was thinking more along the lines of a 'yes' or 'no'._

Something _simple_.

Tohru drains his yunomi and rests it between his bare feet. "I don't believe in love." He looks embarrassed now.

 _I don't know how to respond to that._

So I sit silently, hoping there's more.

Thankfully, there is. "I can't say I've ever seen real love, so I don't even know what it looks like."

"That's... _Frank._ "

"Yeah," he giggles nervously. "You can love me, if _that's_ what you want, but I don't know how to love you back." Tohru shrugs. "It's better to be honest, y'know?"

I smirk and finish my coffee before turning back to him. "As long as I can be honest, too... _I love you, Tohru._ " I laugh and hook my arm around his waist to pull him into a hug.

"I _do_ really like you," Tohru mumbles into my shirt, and I can't help beaming.

 **#**

The murders have stopped for more than two months, so Tohru and I have had more time together lately. Work's exhausting, but things have been good on the whole.

 _Alright..._

I am _not_ happy that an _actual kid_ is going to be sent over to take the case away from us, but the extra free time will be a boon. Now that the killings have been downgraded to kidnappings, I can relax a little.

Most nights we go out to eat, or stay late at the office to chat while we work, or I go to his place. _It's nice..._

 _I guess I'd never considered that the best way to stop being so lonely was to be around someone I like._

I was so angry the day I heard about a young screw-up being transferred here from the city, aggravated he would be some know-it-all hotshot. I didn't want a damn partner.

 _I couldn't have been more wrong._

 _I missed loving someone. I missed caring for someone like this. I missed the intimacy._

 _And if I'm honest, I missed not having to make all my own decisions._

"Izakaya tonight?" I call across the room to Tohru.

"Can't," he replies from his own desk. "It's going to rain tonight. I need to go, uh, take in my laundry."

 _He _does__ _look awfully tired..._

 _But..._

I sigh. " _Screw_ your laundry. It's such a crappy day, I need something to look foreword to. What if I drive you by to take it in first?"

"Uhh," Tohru stalls. "I'd rather just go home tonight, _Sir_."

" _Dammit_ ," I snort. "Why the hell do you still do that?"

"It seems more proper for work," Tohru tells me with a guilty smile.

"Hnn," I sigh, annoyed by _two_ things now.

Tohru leans back over his desk to go through more paperwork, but I can't sit still. I tap my pen, play with a stress ball, and turn around in my chair.

"Want me to get us some coffee?" Tohru asks, finally setting down his own work.

"No..." I've probably had too much coffee today. I pull out a cigarette and absently spin it through my fingers.

"Hmm..."

I roll my neck and start tapping my foot. _I'm getting nowhere today, and now that I know I'll have to go home alone, I have zero drive to even finish my work._

Tohru suddenly pushes his chair back from his desk, grinning crookedly as he stands. "I bet I can make it up to you~" he wheedles.

"Oh _yeah_?" I ask, not convinced in the slightest.

"You seem awfully pent-up. Follow me if you dare~" Tohru laughs and ambles out into the hall.

I get up and follow him, curious.

I grumble as we pass the break room. "Why didn't you tell me to take my jacket?"

"Because I wasn't planning on leaving the building?" he replies without turning his head.

Then where the hell—

 _Huh?_

I blanch when he turns down the hallway with only the bathrooms. He was _serious_ about not leaving the building!

My feet keep moving even though this feels like a stupid, _stupid_ thing to do. I should walk by that hallway and go out the front door. Just walk to my car and drive home for the day.

But I end up pushing the door open and producing a strained smile when I see him smirking back at me from where he leans against the bank of stalls. "This is a little..."

"Scared?" Tohru nettles.

" _Shut up, Tohru,_ " I roughly scold him, uncomfortable.

Tohru shrugs, wearing an impish expression. He casually kicks open the door to one of the Western-style stalls, then disappears inside.

"This seems absurdly risky," I call over to him. As far as I know, there isn't a single person who is aware of the nature of our relationship—

And right now _we're at work_!

"Your loss~" I can hear the mockery in his voice.

I snort but enter the same stall a minute later, locking the door behind myself. He's sitting cross-legged on the closed toilet, looking both amused and smug.

" _Knew_ you'd listen~"

I roll my eyes dramatically. "And what if someone else comes in here?"

"We be quiet?" he snarkily asks, raising his eyebrows derisively. "Look," he points to where the wall meets the floor. "This is why Japanese bathrooms are the best. No gap."

I fold my arms. "So what's your plan?"

"Why don't _you_ sit," he stands and slides behind me. "And find out?"

I comply and don't have to wonder at the rest for long.

 **#**

 _This last month passed quickly…_

The cases keep piling up. I've been a bit neglectful of the paperwork, now that I've been trying to spend more time at home with Nanako whenever I'm not with Tohru.

It was good to talk everything out. I never realized how much I was hurting her; how much she felt as though she had lost _both_ of her parents.

 _The rest?_ Things picked up around the station when the Shirogane kid went missing. My nephew's acting twitchy again. Tohru's been less energetic, but _more_ erratic. He's been really...

Alright.

Tohru's _off_.

I'm not sure _what's_ going on with him. We're together most of the day so I can't make heads or tails of when he has the free time to even get into trouble. I _do_ know he's been getting himself hurt… But I haven't come across anything out of the ordinary around town.

 _Then there's the other thing._

He's so… _Bitey_.

 _I don't get it—_

 _What the hell does he get out of it?_

When I was dressing this morning, I noticed goddamm teeth marks ringed by a bruise on my upper _arm_. Next time I catch him biting me I'm going to clock him fucking good.

Speaking of the devil— _Where is he this morning?_ He brought me a coffee and then disappeared a few hours ago…

I go back to doing my work until I hear that familiar gait tap into the room.

"You busy, Sir?" Tohru calls. I look over at him and roll my eyes. I can see that goofy grin decorating his face, but it's strained. He's been looking _exhausted_ lately! His clothes are completely rumpled and his hair is even more wild than usual.

I tap the butt of my pen on the blotter. "Busy; always. Productive; not a chance."

"Wanna do something fun, then?" he asks, his smile turning wolfish.

"Like what?" I frown.

Tohru shrugs, his expression drooping. "I don't know... You need coffee? We can go for a walk and get you more cigarettes? _I_ sure can't sit still today." He shuffles his feet, hands twitching in the pockets of his insanely flamboyant yellow raincoat.

I sigh and grab my own jacket. "Let's go."

 _He's been so all over the place lately..._ _Maybe a break will do him some damn good._

We end up at Junes and wander the aisles aimlessly. He takes an interest in the larger televisions on display, until I jibe that his is already gigantic enough. He titters nervously, but lets me drag him to the food court.

"We've barely worked today, but let's call it an early lunch," I smile. He thanks me and picks out a few small dishes. I pay for the food while he finds us a table.

"Sorry I've been pretty useless lately," Tohru apologizes, looking sullen.

I raise an eyebrow. "Why? It's not like I've found any leads, either." He tries to smile as he picks at his food, not actually eating much. "What're you doing later?" I ask, wondering what he's been up to that's making him so miserable. "Take off early and get some rest, if you need to. I can handle all the crap in the office."

Tohru nods thoughtfully. "Maybe," he guardedly answers. "Will you come over?"

"Mm..." I reply, trying to remember what day it even is. _A Thursday?_ I check my watch, feeling groggy. "Why not?" I tell him with a warm smile. "I'll pick up gyoza and noodles or something."

"Thanks."

 _Wow—He already looks a little more at ease. I'm glad I can do that for him._

The rest of my workday goes by much more quickly. I send Tohru home a few hours early, then pick up food on the way over.

"I'm here," I yell, turning my key in the lock. I walk inside and realize that Tohru's _not_.

 _Oi... Where the hell did he go?_

 _His shoes are here…?_

I carry the bag of food to the couch and knock on the bathroom door. He doesn't answer, so I push it open.

 _Empty._

It's then that I notice something else peculiar: the TV isn't on the table where it usually lives. I spy it sitting on the floor—screen side up—by his bed. _Odd_.

Why would he move it over there? _Isn't even plugged in…_

I leave the food all boxed up and lie down on the couch to take a nap and wait for him to return...

I wake up to hear Tohru calling out that he's home. I dismiss the fact that he's locking the door barefoot, as if he never left in the first place.

 _He definitely wasn't here—_

Tohru doesn't seem to notice my staring, simply walks over his closet to pull out clean clothes— _Fuck! He _is__ _a goddamn mess!_

I'm now fully awake, realizing he looks as though he's been _beaten_ by a gang! "Wh-where were you?" I ask in disbelief. "Were you _mugged_?!" _I think he might be bloody, too—_

I can tell it's _not_ just dirt, on second inspection.

"Oh, just fell," he replies, looking dazed.

" _Geez_ —Get in the bathroom!" I order. "I'll clean you up and wash your back. You _definitely_ need a bath!"

Tohru obeys without argument, which completely throws me. He tosses clean clothes on his bed and strips; tosses the ripped and bloody shirt and pants into the kitchen—I'm going to assume he'll throw them away. He drops his underwear and socks near the washer.

I heave a sigh and put my arm around him, leading him to the shower. I point to the stool. "Siddown." I turn on the tub, and then retreat to the other room and remove my own clothes, fold them and place them on the bed, as well.

I walk back into the bathroom and Tohru's still sitting so quietly and still, staring at the floor. It's _spooky_.

I start the water, aiming the spray away form him until it warms up. "C'mon," I motion for him to lift his arms and spread his legs so I can spray him down. I lather up his washcloth and scrub. I'm _keenly_ aware that he doesn't wince _at all_ when it makes contact with the still-closing wounds.

 _I'm fairly concerned by this point, but they won't do much more at the clinic than bandage him up—And I'd rather do that myself._

When I'm satisfied that he's clean, the cream fabric comes back almost black. I frown, wondering what the fuck happened. I want to ask, but he's doesn't seem to want to talk.

I get a clean cloth to wash myself, figuring I won't be returning home tonight after all. When I finish, I pull him to his feet and steer him towards his small tub. "Go on," I tell him. "You soak. Call me if you need anything."

He sits down in the hot water, but then motions for me to get in, too. _I'd rather not, it looks like it'll be cramped..._

 _But I can't say no to him. Especially when he's acting so strangely._

I end up sitting on top of him, water sloshing over the top of the bath. He wraps his arms around me and I can feel him breathe in and out. "You sure?" I question. " _This_ is comfortable?"

I can feel him nod and then rest his head on my back. I know he's always been physically stronger than he looks, but right now he seems so damn _fragile_.

"Will you tell me _anything_?" I beg. "I sent you home to rest, which you clearly didn't."

Tohru squirms, wiggling his toes. "It's getting too big. I can't control it anymore."

" _What_?" I ask, hoping for clarification.

I feel his chest fill with air and the big sigh afterwards. "It's out of my hands at this point..."

 _He's just babbling._

" _Me_ , Tohru," I say. "Talk to _me_."

He hugs me tighter, but doesn't say anything else. When I start to get cold, I move to stand. Tohru doesn't let go, and I can't get enough leverage to pull myself away. I groan and give up.

"Alright. You have to tell me what's going on."

It's barely a whisper—" _Something bad is going to happen._ "

"What?!" I roar, my agitation spilling over

Tohru's shaking, now. "I know I can't stop it. I'm _trying_ …" His teeth chatter as he grits them together. "They _won't listen_. _None_ of the idiots will listen to me!"

I sigh, trying to calm down. "What can you tell me? I need something! _Something!_ " I bark. " _How_ do you know something bad is going to happen?"

"I don't know I don't know _I don't know_!" Tohru's whiny voice quavers uncontrollably.

"Alright, _alright_." I need to get him to calm down, too. "Let me up," I bark, and Tohru finally releases me.

Out of the tub, I grab a towel for myself and carry his back over to where he's curled into himself, with his hands over his eyes. "Get up." He does, and I wrap the towel around him, trying to dry him off a little.

"Here's what we're going to do." I patiently put the night in order. "We're going out to the main room. You're going to put clothes on. I'll dress your wounds with whatever the hell you have on hand, and then we're going to eat dinner—Well, I'll reheat it first... Alright. Come on."

Thankfully, he follows me. I put my clothes on and hand him his clean ones. Then I take bandages and ointment from a drawer in the closet. I fix up the worst of it.

 _A laceration on his back._

 _Puncture wounds on his leg._

 _Fucking severe burns on his shoulders._

"If they look worse tomorrow, we're going to the clinic," I warn him.

Then I stick the gyoza and yakiudon on foil and place it all in the oven drawer. I make coffee for myself, and tea for Tohru. He looks like he needs his tea right now.

We eat quietly, then I clean up. I pour myself another cup of coffee and take a book over to Tohru's bed, where he's already laying down.

"Get some sleep," I tell him. When I sit down to read, he crawls over so his head's resting in my lap. I sigh, but place a hand on his head. "Whatever it is, it's going to be _fine_. If you tell me, maybe I can help you through it—That's what you're supposed to do for the people you love."

I start reading, thinking he's already asleep. He's not, though. I hear him mumble that I can't love him.

" _Shut up, Tohru._ " I rub his hair. "I _do_ love you. _Nothing_ will change that."

* * *

Note: If you noticed, I ended up changing it from four to three prologue chapters. The last one wasn't up to par and not as important. So today we get Ryoutarou, then one more Tohru tomorrow. Tomorrow's has two scenes that are pretty screwed-up, I'd like to warn. Both elaborations on aforementioned incidents. Ryoutarou's shoulder thing and the last day Tohru goes to the hospital.

Thanks for reading!

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	26. In the Red (Watakushi)

Lead-In (From AO3):

Four scenes. More than 5.5k words. Three big events revealed!

The shoulder scars. The hospital with Ryoutarou.

And—'Fine. Then I'll take the other one instead.'

Is Tohru more directly to blame for Nanako's hospitalization than he wants to admit?

 **-)WARNING!** This is the most explicit chapter, as mentioned yesterday. It gets pretty fucked. There is sex with a drunk person, in case that's something that bothers you.

* * *

Chapter Zero-Three: In the Red

(Tohru)

It's the last week of October.

I've been anxious and paranoid, wondering who will be next. I'm concerned things are getting too close to the Dojimas and I _don't_ want to have to fish either of them out of a television. I don't even know if I _can_. With my shadow reigning on the other side, I'd be anxious going anywhere near his neighborhood.

I've seen what the _kids'_ shadows did to _them_...

 _By myself, the outcome looks grim._

 _At least Ryoutarou's been happier._ A little over a week ago I had a bad run-in with a bunch of higher-level shadows and he really freaked. I couldn't help acting off, I felt so defeated already.

 _I know things are coming to a head._

The kids are close to Namatame. Namatame is desperate at the fact that the people he keeps throwing in are living. _Ironically_ —No thanks to him.

 _I've felt my own shadow trying to contact me a few times, asking me to interfere..._

 _But I don't want Namatame knowing more than he does. He's my out; my scapegoat. If he can connect me to everything else, then I won't be safe anymore._

I'm dragged out of my thoughts when Ryoutarou walks into our office with a fresh mug of coffee, flashing me a grin. "You're cooking tonight?"

"Yep~" I reply, smiling back. "Hope you like cabbage!"

My partner rolls his eyes. "Do you eat any other vegetables?"

"Hey!" I try to sound wounded. "Onions..."

Ryoutarou laughs and sits on the edge of my desk. "Should I pick anything up?"

"Nope," I tell him. "Just bring you." I throw him a thumbs-up.

"Well," he smirks. "I have a few ideas. Might make a stop. Do you want a ride to Junes?"

"No, it's fine," I assure him. _I need a walk to burn off some of my restlessness. I want a few more good memories before the world falls to shit—For real._

And I can't believe I'm having second thoughts at this stage, but whatever.

 _It is what it is._

If I'm found out I'll lose them, so then I'd _rather_ the world be gone. _Screw it._

And if fucking Narukami stops Namatame completely, then I win and I get to keep my life here.

Maybe it'll be _good_. Maybe everything will turn out okay.

Or maybe we'll _all_ be shadows and not have to worry or care.

I have no idea where this is going, and at this point I'm too afraid to ask—

And ask who? The fucking _gas nerd_?

Say what— _" _I'm sorry, but are you perchance a god?"__

Yeah. That'll go well. I _won't_ be declared mentally incompetent—A fucking looney.

I spin my wheels, getting nothing of value done, until it's time to pack it in for the day. I leave on my own to get ingredients for dinner. I'm thinking okonomiyaki, but I'm not confident I can pull it off.

I end up going for it nonetheless, buying more expensive ingredients than usual. May not even _need_ money much longer. _Might as well._

Before Ryoutarou, I spent as little as possible on food and way more on games. I don't have time for games anymore: what with being in a _relationship_ , holding down a _job_ , and trying to rip a _hole in the universe_.

 _There's just too much on my plate..._

Haha! _Plate_.

Like with food!

Ha...

Ha...

 _Fuck_.

Shit.

It'll work out...

When I arrive home, of course Ryoutarou's drinking. His jacket and pants are on the floor. He always does that when he's drinking. It's like he can't drink and _not_ strip.

"Woah!" I nervously laugh. "Gimme a reading on how much you've had..."

"Enough," he retorts, leering. I roll my eyes. "Drop it! I need more. Trust me. I got an _idea_ for later."

"Oh good..." _Probably not._

Ryoutarou just laughs and opens another bottle of shochu.

I take a beer out of the fridge and start cooking. "I know you love fried foods~" I comment as I layer the ingredients in a pan.

"Mmph!" Ryoutarou grunts, saluting me with his shochu. He stands near the stove while I cook, making me nervous I'll mess up.

"So what the hell is your plan here?" I laugh, trying to take his attention off me. I attempt to flip the abomination in the pan, curious why he's on a mission to get so plastered.

He gulps more of his drink and grins crookedly. "I was thinking it's your turn to take the lead tonight."

"Hu-huh?!" I gape, spinning around to watch him finish off another bottle. He sets the empty jar on the counter.

"But I'm not drunk enough yet." He's still grinning sloppily as he opens another one.

"How many are you having?" I slide his dinner onto a plate and start on my own.

"That many," Ryoutarou replies, pointing to a shopping bag near the couch. I pinch my eyes shut, aggravated he's shooting for completely blasted again. "I want to do this, in _theory_ , but I think I'm going to have a hard time with it."

I frown. "That's a little..." I fumble my words. "We don't need to—I'm okay with it."

 _Ooh hell—That's a blatant lie._

I _do_ want to.

I've _always_ wanted to.

Ryoutarou sits down at the low table to eat his food and I finish cooking mine. I have it right out of the pan, not wanting to have to wash more dishes than necessary. _I should really clean my place…_

 _But it seems unimportant when I don't know if I'll be around in another month or two._

Ryoutarou laughs at that last thing I said aloud—which seems like _ages_ ago with all the useless arguing I do in my head theses days—and tells me the food tastes good.

It makes me happier than it should. _I never bothered to cook for myself..._

But a part of me wanted to do something nice for him and now I cook a few times a week. It's become an annoying habit.

After dinner, we turn on the television while Ryoutarou drinks more. Nothing interesting on, but it's better than sitting around silent.

"You've'ne too," Ryoutarou commands, shoving a small clear bottle in my hands.

"That's okay," I nervously laugh and try to pass it back to him.

He doesn't give in. "Don'be a _wuss_ , Tohru." He pulls the tab for me and passes it back again.

I sigh and drink it. _Tastes just as much like rubbing alcohol as the sake he buys._ I can't help but wonder how the hell he can still have a functioning liver.

When it's gone, I turn to him. "Are you done yet?" I ask. "You're going to get smashed..."

"Yeah," he agrees. "Lemme finish..." He shakes the bottle he's currently nursing. "Not much left."

"Ryoutarou," I groan and hold up my own drink. "These are clear. You can just _look_."

He rolls his eyes. "Don' be a spoilsport. Tha's not how you do't..."

I gently kick him in the side after he downs it and sets the jar on the floor. "Show me you can walk in a straight line," I giggle, suddenly finding it super-funny that I'm a criminal and he's a drunkard—and we're the only detectives for the prefecture. _Real classic pair._

He stands and almost falls over, then slowly makes his way to the kitchen.

" _No—!_ " I moan. "Don't drink anything else—"

"I jus' wan' a snack..."

I sigh and collect the empty bottles around the room. "I have caramel corn, chocolate potato chips, an~nd," I elongate the word, opening a cabinet. "Straight-up chocolate."

He frowns. "Don' like that."

I shrug and shut the door. "Then don't eat anything." I walk back to the couch and take my usual seat.

Ryoutarou stumbles back and I expect him to sit down and just pass out, his earlier proclamation forgotten— _Which is probably for the best._

He does _not_. Instead, he gets in front of me so I can't see the news, then drops down on top of my legs like a sack of bricks.

"Oww, _fuck_!" I scream. "What the hell?!"

He just grins and grabs me behind the neck, pulling himself closer. "So..." he trails off.

" _Nuh-uh_ ," I push him away. "Sober up a little!" He shakes his head, then blinks a bunch of times like he's dizzy. "Don't make it hard for me to do the right thing," I groan.

 _Sometimes I truly don't know why the fuck I like him so much—_

He still gets _so blasted_ at least twice a week. And it's no fun cause I don't _really_ want to do anything too shitty.

Don't know why I had to develop a moral backbone _now_. I _am_ already a murderer...

 _But fuck it's hard to ignore sometimes..._

"Were doin' it b'fore I change m'damn mind," Ryoutarou declares. "Tha's why I took my pants off firs'."

" _Oh hell..._ "

Isn't that the _freakin' opposite_ of what people are told to do when they drink? _Worst fucking cop in the country._

"Shut up, Tohru," he enunciates and tries to kiss me.

 _I know I'll end up giving in. I always want to give in to whatever he wants. And it's starting to be draining. I have so many other things I need to take care of as it is._

"Toe-rue!" Ryoutarou pronounces my name loudly and chuckles.

And that's why I do it. No one has ever acted _so happy just to be around me_ or _looked_ at me like that. Like I'm _important_.

I sigh and lean forward to kiss him.

"Tha's the spirit!" he smirks.

I still don't feel great about this, but he's certainly not complaining, leaning all his weight on me, now. I wrap my arms around him and wonder what the hell I should be doing. It's weird because I almost always let him take the lead—We're both control freaks, but I also like being taken care of, whereas it makes him extremely uncomfortable.

He acts totally lost if he's not in control of a situation—Like it's the most foreign, _terrifying_ thing in the world... And _that_ makes me want to take charge even more.

 _Bad cycle._

I don't quite know how I end up naked first. Completely escapes my notice that he's still wearing boxers until they brush against my foot—Wait _huh_?

Ryoutarou's head's down by my crotch, and now I'm a bit alarmed. "You-you don't—Don't _want_ to do that," I insist, scrambling backwards.

"Wh'not?" he questions, unfazed, and then he's got his mouth on me and I don't think I can talk. I'm barely able to even let out a moan.

He chuckles and I feel it vibrate all through me. _Shit_.

Shit.

Shit.

 _Fuck._

I can't help thrusting; he's using his hand too and I don't know what the fuck he's doing but it doesn't feel like anything I've ever had done to me before.

And _ooh—What even—What the fucking fuck—_

He's touching _himself_ , too.

This is— _Not_ good.

 _I feel like I'm losing control of myself again, like that first time._

There's a surge of panic and I shove Ryoutarou away from me, register his surprise as he falls on the floor. It doesn't seem to bother him, though. He laughs like I've made a joke and climbs to his feet. Then he tries to slide his boxers off without leaning on anything—And that _is_ kinda funny cause he's having trouble balancing.

Except then it's less humorous because I _instinctively_ know in my gut this is a bad _bad_ idea—But he's pulling me to my feet, still grinning like an idiot. "Sta-a-ay," he slowly orders between snickers, holding up a hand.

I feel like I'm in trapped. Like there's a haze hanging over my mind. "I don't think—"

"A'right. C'mere," Ryoutarou tells me, leaning against the couch. _And fuck, unless he explicitly tells me to stop now I don't—_

I still feel dazed as I move closer to him, holding him from behind—

I instinctively bite his shoulder and—

I feel like I'm combusting—

I feel like electricity is—

 _That's never happened before—_

Wait no. _No_.

 _That's_ —

 _NONONONO!_

Did I just—

Oh please fucking _no_!

I jolt back to myself, my brain firing at _warp-speed, absolute red alert_!

That's never happened without my _meaning_ to—And never happened _over here_!

It's just as godawful as I thought—maybe _slightly_ better—I don't think he's dead— _Definitely not conscious, but not dead!_

His shoulder is missing— _uh_ —pieces, however.

 _Several_.

Like a lightning strike hit him smack there.

That's totally normal...

 _Lighting hitting people indoors..._

Right. Right...

 _Not my fault…_

Right.

 _No_ _—_ _Not right!_

I'm one-hundred percent absolutely _fucked_.

 _What should I...?_

 _'The television!'_

 _'Throw him in here!'_

Huh? That didn't _feel_ like me thinking it...

 _But..._

 _I dismiss it quickly, because if I can get him in there, maybe I can patch it up. I've been practicing dia... And... Stuff..._

And nothing should've worked _out here_ to begin with and why— _How_ —

I scratch my head hard, attempting to figure this out.

 _'You're welcome.'_

 _—what?!_

 _Fuck. I'll just go in and maybe..._

 _Oh hell it isn't going to work right._ But I need to do _something_ to put him back together. Or I might as well just end it all and take the world with me right now like I planned...

I haul my TV off its table, once again, and place it on the floor. He'll fit as long as I can freaking lift him.

Without considering how other worlds get set up, I shove him through the television ahead of me, then dive in myself…

…and I land on my feet a little closer to the door than he does.

 _Door_...?

 _This is our office._

But my desk isn't here. Just his. It's really _dark_ , too.

I know it's definitely our office, though.

And the only other things here are a _gun_ , on his desk beside a full liquor bottle of who-the-fuck-knows-what.

I spin around, confused. But I stop dead when I look up at the ceiling.

There's...

...a _noose_ tied to a rafter next to Ryoutarou's desk.

 _Okay._

I snap my gaze down, not wanting to know. That's when I notice the words scratched into the floor—I don't read them.

 _Oh-frigging-kay. This's a bit heavy-handed._

Don't want to know.

 _I get the fucking message._

 _He wants to off himself._

If this is like everyone else's, though, he probably doesn't know how suicidal he is. I'm gonna hope for that.

I _seriously_ need to get him the fuck out of here ASAP!

But first—

I hurry over to Ryoutarou, trying to concentrate enough to remember how to heal. It looks freaking terrible! _I can see goddamm bone!_

" _Wow!_ I thought you were slacking off, but this time you brought one right to me~" I hear my own voice whistle. "Hurry up and _go away_. I can't come in until they meet their shadow... Just another minute or so..."

" _No!_ " I violently roar. "You can't have him!" I've managed to close up the worst of it, but it's not any good. I can't repair all the damage I caused.

 _I caused._

 _Me_. _To someone who would actually_ —

"He _loves_ us!"

I try fixing him up again, not really knowing how much power I even have left. I've never healed someone else—Never even crossed my mind.

" _Ahahahaha~~_ " I hear my voice cackle, sounding completely crazed. More deranged than me. "He only loves _you_. He would _never love me_. And I am you—" He cuts himself off with more insane laughter.

" _So he will never truly love you_." He pauses. " _Leave him_ ," he orders. "We'll take real good care of him... Those stupid brats will never show up in time for _this_ round!"

"No!" I shriek again. " _No, he's mine!_ "

I hook my arms under Ryoutarou's shoulders—hoping I don't make the wounds worse—and clasp him to me, still roaring vehemence wildly at my other self. I can hear footsteps coming down the hallway—Can't be _good_ news—

I growl out one final, guttural " _no_ " and the next thing I'm aware of is that we're being propelled back out of my large television. We land hard on the floor, with him on top of me. Thankfully he hasn't come-to.

Cause I need to figure out a way to make this look like some _natural_ accident...

Panting, shaking, _really fucking terrified_ that I've finally ruined everything for good, I manage to drag him onto my bed and take a better look at the mess I've made.

His shoulder is _whole_. That's _something_. It's a mangled mess: semi-healed cuts and bruises and weird zag-y marks.

At least it _looks_ whole. I gingerly raise his arm and rotate it, move it in small circles. I meet normal resistance. I won't know anything more until he's conscious again...

" _Fuck_!" I moan and sit on the floor, curling into myself. _I really fucked up this time..._

 _Maybe I should've left him there. Then I wouldn't have to explain it to him—Feed him another damaging lie._

I feel a nagging in my brain. It keeps saying ' _we need to get rid of him'_ —that ' _he's one of our weaknesses'_.

"Nnrgh—" I clutch at my head and yank my hair. "Shut up! _Shut up shut up shut up!_ " I'm on my feet, pacing. "That's _not_ what I want!"

My unplugged television shows static all of a sudden. "Shit!" I spit. " _Fucking get lost!_ "

 _'Keep feeding me! Throw him back in... I think there's somebody who'd like to meet him...'_

" _Noooooo!"_ I roar, raising my television up above my head in one intense feat of strength, and launching it into the wall—It cracks in half in a flash of light, sparks flying through the air. It's so intensely bright I have to look away and cover my eyes.

 _Well at least I have my excuse for how he got effing electrocuted..._

But I know it isn't over. With the explosion came one final, smug threat that I'll _never_ be able to shake.

 _'Fine. Then I'll take the other one instead.'_

I pretend—as best I can—that _I didn't hear anything_. Nothing but white noise.

I cling to the ' _fact_ ' that _I heard nothing but static_ , and run to the toilet to puke—I don't quite make it.

When I retch, I can tell it's dinner and booze, but everything spews out _black_.

It coats the floor and toilet in the darkest, dullest color I've ever seen.

I'm almost too afraid to clean it after.

 **#**

 _This is the end of line._ Today is the last day I can be here.

Nanako is definitely coming back today— _no thanks to me_ —and they're going to know whose fault this is.

 _('Fine. Then I'll take the other one instead.')_

 _I_ set everything in motion. It's _my_ fault and I can either run away or own it.

And I think I'm going to own it because either way I lose—And I'd rather go down swinging.

 _('Fine. Then I'll take the other one instead.')_

I push the intrusive memory from my head as I approach the elevator.

 _It's early. I don't think anyone will be up to visit Ryoutarou yet, so I can spend a little time with him before I have to push him away for good. That's—_

 _No..._

There's no way around it.

I used him—I took advantage. I have to at least make him hate me enough to _keep the fuck away_.

I've brought two cups of black coffee. This will be the last time I ever fucking drink coffee. I don't want to have to remember all this.

Today I bought my own coffee black— _His way._

I step into the private room and can see that he's still sleeping. I shut the door and lock it behind me, worried one of the damn kids will figure it out and come for me.

I pull a chair up to the edge of his bed and call his name. Ryoutarou rouses and yawns.

"Morning, Tohru." He smiles up at me.

"I brought coffee from the bakery. You want it?" I amiably ask, pushing the anxiety down for now.

Ryoutarou nods and sits up. I pass him the coffee and feel sad the last time I get to see him will be in that damn hospital gown...

"How are you feeling today, Ryoutarou?" _Will this be the last time I get to say his name?_

 _He prefers 'Ryou', but I don't. I use his full name because I know no one else does—Maybe never did._

 _Just me._

"Shitty," he tells me, and I falter for a second, worried he's replying to my thoughts. "My head still hurts. Ribs are cracked or broken. My foot hurts to walk on... Jammed the damn thing when I was thrown..."

 _This is my fault—_

 _My fault that he got so hurt—_

 _My fault he and Nanako are stuck in here._

I don't realize I'm squeezing my paper cup until some of the coffee sloshes out and burns my fingers. I wipe my hand on my jacket, staining it—But then realizing I won't need it anymore.

"You...?" Ryoutarou asks me, shaking his head. "Don't look so great." He rests his hand on my arm. "You shouldn't spend all your time here—I know you're still working, too... And picking up _my_ slack for once."

I plaster on that plastic smile I've gotten so good at hiding behind. "I'm okay! But I can't stay too long, today... Is there anything that you need?"

He asks me if I locked the door and I reply affirmatively. "Then I _would_ like it if I could hold you..." he trails off, embarrassed.

It's a little dark in here to see if he's turned red, but I'd put money on it. _I love how awkward he always is with open physical contact._

 _It's one of the things that made me want to be this way with him in the first place—_

The challenge versus reward. I liked that _I'd_ be the only one who got that kind of attention.

I smile. "Sounds good to me," I tell him as I shrug of my jacket. I climb up on the bed and settle in next to him.

Both of us leaning back against the wall, Ryoutarou puts his arm around me and pulls me to him with a sigh. "It's been too long that I've been here. I've missed this. Glad I can move around on my own now, but it's not enough... I've got to get out of here."

We sip our coffee in silence. I won't be able to finish this sludge, but I wanted one last taste of the bitter, sour, scalding crap that never fails to make his day.

"Done." Ryoutarou throws his cup to the trash can, it falls pretty short. He chuckles sadly at that and shakes his head. "Are you finished yet?"

"Sure," I reply, setting down what's left of my cup on a table I can reach.

One side of his mouth turns up in a sloppy grin. "If you're not keeping me company for your whole day off, I think you should make it up to me before you go."

"Oh _yeah_?" I jibe. "What do you want me to do?" I snug myself even closer. Careful not to lean on him anywhere that'll hurt. "Are you wearing...?" I ask, feeling for the end of the hospital poncho.

Ryoutarou barks out a sarcastic laugh. "They don't give me any dignity here."

"Makes it easier for me, at least," I tell him, finding what I'm looking for.

"Wait," he groans. "I want..." I pause, not entirely sure _what_ the hell he wants. I'm close enough that I know he's definitely blushing, now. "No one should come by for a while... _I want to make love to you._ "

Oh.

 _Oh boy._

That's _not_ the best idea for how today is supposed to go—Never mind the wording.

 _You_ _can't_ _love me at all._

This is the end of the line.

 _That would be even more traumatizing—_

Well, it's _definitely_ not going to go _well_ , but—

 _I need to push him away now, and get the fuck out!_

But I don't want to—

While I was thinking, he had wrapped his arms around me. He strains to pull me onto his lap, grunting with the effort. " _Please._ " He looks so vulnerable— _I can't say no._

 _I can't do it._

I don't want to tell him ' _no'_.

 _It's the last time I'll ever get to—I don't want to pass up this chance._

 _I want him against me—I want that connection one more time._

It's so selfish of me, but we're already on our way. He's working at my buckle with his big hands, and I can't help smiling a little at his clumsiness.

After this, I'll find the right time...

 _I will._

I let him carry me along with his idea, following his lead. It's great— _has_ been a while—until tells me what's on his mind.

"Tohru," he softly asserts. "When this is over—when I'm out of the hospital—I want you to move in with me." I can hear him grinding his teeth, struggling with the words. "I don't know how long until Nanako is better and I—I need you—really _need_ you."

I feel cold all over. I shudder.

 _I can't do that._

 _I'm the reason you're both here._

I can't _do_ _this_ anymore!

I'm sitting stone-still, and Ryoutarou's still going at it, hasn't noticed, when there's a knock at the door. He jolts to a stop, then, too.

"Dojima-san?" a voice calls. "Are you awake in there? Why's the door closed?" Whoever it is rattles the handle.

Ryoutarou sighs and leans his head against me. "I just wanted to be alone for a while," he calls in a strained voice. "I'm alright. Can I have a few minutes?"

"Yes, that's okay..." So they say, but don't sound too sure. We're quiet until we can hear the receding footsteps.

Ryoutarou sighs heavily. "Nn. _This_..." He shakes his head. "Probably not my best idea..." He huffs out some laughter then starts moving again, nonetheless.

I know— _I know_ that he's talking about what we're doing right this second...

But a part of me can't help but recognize that's how our whole relationship is for me.

Now I have people who depend on me. Now I have people who ' _love_ ' me.

Now I have people who _I'm putting through _hell__. People who are going to hurt when they know I've _betrayed_ them. That's not what I want. But it's too late to change it—Even though—

 _Now I have more to lose._

I can hear that nagging whisper in the back of my mind.

 _'Let me take over.'_

 _'You know you need to break this off. Right. Now.'_

 _'I'll do it for you…"_

"Ngh—" I groan, clutching my head.

All I can think— _I'll do it._

" _Shit!_ "

"Hey, what—" Ryoutarou asks, pulling back. I see his eyes widen and I wonder what I'm giving away on my face. His expression is— _Fearful._

Good. That's what I need.

I'll do what I have to—I'll tell him.

Now is my chance.

I'll tell him and then find a TV to escape into. I'll be happier as a shadow. I'll be happier letting that part of me take over and run rampant.

 **#**

Inside my own world. I stalk around, aggravated and twitchy.

"Things were starting to turn around!" I yell at no one.

"What—You think you can just _get rid of me_? You think you can throw me away like everyone else does to _us_?"

I feel so _empty_ , all of a sudden, as _he_ materializes in front of me. Out of thin air.

 _I haven't felt this empty since—_

"I just helped you sever your last tie to those fools. We're free now~" The other me strides forward, waving his gun. "What?! you actually thought any of it would _last_? You're right—I'm _not_ you! _You're fucking dumber than I thought!_ " He guffaws, bending over from the waves of laughter that shake his body.

" _Enough!_ " I clutch at my head, yanking my hair— _He needs to just shut the fuck up!_

"Ooh, I'm _sure_ it would all be just fine after Ryoutarou found out it was us, huh? He'd be perfectly happy forgiving us for _nearly _killing the rest of his family__." He strides around, waving his gun all over the place.

I'm on the ground, my head throbbing, throbbing, _throbbing_ —Can't think—

"Why—Why'd you take her?! It was going to get better—"

"Yup! It'd be _great_! Ryoutarou would finally tell people you're together, too, yeah? You'd have a _real_ family! Then we could stay a stupid sticks cop forever, and— _Hey_! In your fantasy-world they'd even give us a real gun again! Yep! _That's_ the way!" he wickedly chortles.

"Ngh! _NO!_ " I clamor and draw my revolver—Empty all the rounds into him point-blank.

 _Nothing changes—I feel sick._

 _Emptiness._

 _No hope._

The bullets smack into his chest, but pop back out, clattering to the ground. "Hah! That's not gonna work! I'm _you_! You can't kill _you_! You're too much of a goddamm coward!" he laughs. "You have to accept that _I'm here, and here to stay_. You need to admit that I'm you and we're in this _together_." He straightens, playing with his own gun. "And maybe be a little more goddamm thankful that I did _your_ dirty work!"

I grit my teeth. _No_. I need to get rid of him—I've kept this part of me locked up so long—So many years. I can do it.

 _He's not me!_

"You're not—"

The yellow-eyed me glares. "Come off it!" he sharply demands. "You're not weak, now. Accept me!"

"No, I'm—"

"Oh, c'mon! Let me in." He walks even closer, until we're toe-to-toe. "And _we_ can take them down!" he urgently hisses. "Do it! I'm the you we long to be! We can still fix this! I can feel people following you. They'll be here soon. _Let me in!_ "

 _I'm in is this far. I should just admit it's my only option..._

That _is_ me.

It's who I am.

If I'm going to die anyway, I told myself I should just give up the act, right?

 _It'd be better to end this as me._

"That's the spirit," he urges. I hear him whisper something else as the yellow-eyed me turns to a stream of red mist. " _Persona non grata_."

The cloud floats towards me and I breathe it in.

 **#**

I finally have a chance to see myself in a mirror. I've healed enough that I have to give my official confession tomorrow, so I was allowed to clean myself up a little.

Staring at myself now, I _know_ —

I know _exactly_ what frightened Ryo—

 _Dojima-san_ —

 _Distance_ , I firmly remind myself.

Leaving that other sentence unfinished, I raise my hands up to my face. I use the right to hold my eyelids open, and the other to firmly poke at my eyeball.

 _Feels normal. Feels like it's connected to my body. Not an illusion..._

But ooh no—I fucking _know_!

 _My eyes—_

 _They're not mine._

They're _yellow_ now.

Like _his_.

 _Am I really me?_

I look down at my body...

 _Looks_ like me.

I pat myself down.

 _Feels_ like me.

 _Sounds_ like me—I don't hear _his_ voice anymore—No more of the threats—

But somewhere deep inside, I can intuit with every teeny-tiny piece of my being that I'm _stronger_ , more _resilient_ , and definitely more _powerful_.

Because now I'm _two_ instead of _one_.

* * *

Notes:

I recently learned the expression "in the red". It means to be in the negatives or in debt. I really struggled with a title with this chapter to follow the last two. Adachi's Izanagi represents "emptiness", so I made Dojima's feelings the opposite: full. And I wanted to carry it even further to show how caged-in Adachi's feeling in this chapter.

This took so many drafts and edits and oh man! I knew from Okaeri I wanted to flesh out that hospital bit in a really evil way. Then I remembered other incidents that needed elaboration and escalation to show Adachi's total breakdown and merging with his shadow from the game. I hope I convey everything well, and while "enjoying" it is probably a bit much to ask... I hope I'm not asking for too much suspended belief, at least! ^^;

I will not be posting again until Monday. I need to catch up enough that I won't have to go back and change facts later on. Today's is by FAR the longest yet, so I don't feel too bad about it.

Thanks for reading and sticking with me!

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	27. Four is a New Party (Watakushi)

Chapter One: Three's a Crowd, but Four's a New Party

(Yukiko)

"Wow!" I gasp. "We haven't had a day like that in a long time!"

"I know," Kanji grunts. "And I doubt this is the last of it. Some shadow set Adachi up because it wanted him to call out Izanagi again."

"Mm," I nod. "It's always better to be prepared."

Kanji grunts out a little laugh. "You sure don't change, Yuki-chan!"

I smile easily. "Why change something good?" He laughs again. When he's calmed down, I ask how I can help.

"I don't know," my childhood friend tells me with a pained expression. "We're going to work on a plan tomorrow, before Nanako gets home. You should come by. If we end up going into the TV World I want you with us. You're strong and have a cooler head."

"Why would we go there?" I ask, lost.

Kanji groans. "Adachi has this bright idea to get Dojima a persona. He's being dodgy about why, but he claims Ojisan has a shadow in there already."

"Oh _no_ ," I worry. "That isn't good..."

"No." Kanji scratches his head, one of his thinking tics. "You're the only healer here besides Nanako—And if we do go take on his shadow, she shouldn't come."

"It wouldn't be pretty," I agree.

Kanji shakes his head, sighing. "We shouldn't let family see each other's shadows. I know just _hearing_ your shadow set off Chie-san! They told me she freaking charged ahead."

"Mm... They told me it was ugly."

"I'm thinking you, me, Adachi, Dojima— _If_ we go. Ted and Nanako can stay here. If we leave both behind maybe they won't feel as left out." Kanji concludes, checking the time. "Okay! I've gotta get home. Just keep an eye out... I told you Kubo's been hanging around. And we don't know who else might be stalking the town."

"All right. I'll be careful," I seriously reply, nodding.

"Good!" Kanji grins. I walk him to the front door of the inn and he waves.

"Bye, Kan-chan!" I giggle as he walks to his car, shaking his head at the old nickname.

 **#**

"I'll be back in a while!" I wave to the front desk at lunchtime. I exit through the inn's rear entrance, walking to the garage.

I'm the only one who still rides my moped. _It's too fun to give up!_ I can't help bringing it out from time to time.

The drive from my inn to the Dojima residence is pleasant— _Just as I remember it._ I've always loved being outside. The worst of the summer heat is starting to dissipate; soon it will be getting cooler again.

When I arrive, I park my bike in front of the garage and carry the helmet under my arm. I'm surprised when I try the door, but find it locked. _They never locked the door before..._

In a few seconds, though it's opening and a familiar face is peeking out distrustfully. I take a step back. "O-oh. Right! Yes... Adachi... Right." I squint at him, hoping he's not the only one here.

He breaks out into a smile though, ignoring my awkwardness. "Oh, hi Yukiko-chan!" He swings the door open. "Come _right_ in~"

I hold my helmet in front of me, as if for protection. He backs away and I walk inside. "Please excuse the intrusion," I call, slipping off my shoes.

"Hi, Yukiko," Dojima calls from the living room. _Oh good!_

"Whew," I sigh in relief. I see Adachi frown briefly, but then he changes back to bubbly, shutting and locking the door behind us. "How are you feeling?" I ask the older man, planning to avoid Adachi.

But the rat slips by me and plants himself on the couch right next to the other man. _So much for that..._

"Jeez," Dojima complains, shoving his old partner away. "Give me some space." Adachi folds his arms, but does scoot a few inches to his right. "I'm feeling better today. And I _am_ a little more up to speed. How have you been?"

"Good," I smile and lean against the table.

The dialogue seems to die down after that...

"Ah," Dojima vocalizes. "Kanji should be here soon. Help yourself to some coffee."

"Thanks," I reply and take a seat at the tall table. I shrug off my backpack and pull out my laptop. "I should work on the books if I have free time," I explain to the others. Dojima nods while Adachi looks disinterested.

When another key rattles the door, I see Adachi move into Dojima's personal space again. The other man grunts and shoves him away, to which Adachi responds with an actual _growl_ , then plants himself even closer. Dojima groans, but ignores the outburst—Is this how he usually acts now?

 _Thank god_ it's Kanji at the door! I turn to him with wide eyes and a set mouth. I hope he can telepathically realize the total weirdness of the situation. He sighs and scratches his neck. "Crazy not behaving already?" I hear Dojima snigger and have to smile myself.

"Mornin', Kanji-kun~" Adachi sneers.

Kanji, surprisingly, ignores him and walks to the dining area with me. He digs around in his pocket and drops a bunch of keys on the table. Dojima gestures for me to take one, so I add it to my own keyring.

"I want _mine_ back!" Adachi demands, stomping over to Kanji. Kanji rolls his eyes and hands it to the other man, who shoves it swiftly in his pocket as though Kanji might try to take it from him again.

Then Adachi stalks back to the couch to sit next Dojima again. The older man sticks his arm out to keep the younger one away.

" _Tohru_ ," Dojima sighs, sounding exhausted.

Adachi harrumphs and jams his body right into Dojima's arm, pushing it away. I think Dojima is going to punch him like he used to, and am _very_ surprised when he just shakes his head and lets it go.

 _Huh..._

Kanji flips a chair around and sits with his arms resting on the back. "If we're gonna do this, it should be the four of us." I nod in agreement and the other two stay silent.

"I bet a navigator would help, though..." I voice, concerned.

"Yeah," Kanji replies. "That's a good idea. But I don't wanna bring Ted, and Rise's usually busy."

Adachi squints. "That idol bitch?"

I feel my face twist into a foul look and he holds up his hands and asks what he did wrong. _It doesn't help that I know he's doing it on purpose._

"She's fine," Dojima sighs. "Play nice or get lost." He jerks his thumb toward the stairs.

"A-anyway. I'll call her if you want, Yuki-chan."

"That would be a good idea," I tell Kanji.

Dojima keeps glancing at Adachi, looking lost. I decide to explain. "Some of us have abilities that let us see what's ahead so we don't run into too much trouble. They can also detect shadows' weaknesses and let us know if we're going in the right direction."

"The right direction?" Dojima repeats questioningly.

Kanji nods. "Yeah. It's usually like a maze. The are often dead ends—Sometimes with really powerful guys waiting for you!"

Dojima glances back at Adachi, who seems content to let us expound. "A-and how do you, ah, fight them?"

Adachi laughs at that, finally speaking up. "I _shoot_ them."

"Wh-what?!" Dojima raises his voice. "You don't—" He frowns. "Tohru. Do you have a _gun_ here?"

"Yes _Sir_!" Adachi jokingly salutes, then he turns serious, reading Dojima's mood as sour. "But just _one_!"

Kanji looks unnerved, and I can't say this is _good_ news.

" _Any_ gun is a parole violation jackass!" Dojima groans.

"No it's fine!" Adachi placates. "I made them— _it_ —myself!"

Kanji looks like he's going to be ill—A look that changes to disgust when Adachi _actually pulls a small handgun out of his pocket_! I gasp.

He waves the thing around as though it isn't a dangerous. "No big deal, see? It's a modifi—" He stops when Dojima wrenches it from his grasp, appearing downright _furious_.

When the older man regains some of his composure, he checks the chambers. _Empty. Good._

"Clear. " Dojima removes the chamber puts the pieces in separate pockets. " _I'll_ be holding on to this."

Adachi glares. "I lied. I have _more_ ~" he goads.

Dojima shakes his head. "I'm really going to kill you."

"M-moving on," Kanji stammers. "Naoto-chan used to use a gun, too. It's not _that_ far out." Dojima still seems suspicious.

"Guns. Regular guns," he dubiously starts. "Can _kill_ demons?"

"I use traditional fans!" I exclaim, unable to contain myself.

"It's dependent on the person and their personality," Adachi explains. "What are you good at?"

Dojima looks sideways at him. "I don't know..."

"You ever play a sport?" Kanji asks.

"Judo, but not in years."

I shake my head. "I certainly wouldn't want to grapple with a shadow."

"I had an idea," Adachi interrupts, smiling excitedly.

Dojima gestures for him to speak.

"A flamethrower! _It'd be perfect!_ "

"Ah," Dojima utters. "I don't think we'd be able to find one."

"We know a guy," Kanji tells Dojima. "You want a flamethrower? It'd be badass!"

Dojima nods. "I guess. They're not hard to operate."

"Then that's settled!" Adachi chimes.

"What will my shadow be like?" Dojima muses aloud.

Kanji glances at me, twitching a little. "What are you fears?" he asks. "And, uh, is there anything we should know about you that you don't tell anybody?"

"Like what?" Dojima disapprovingly inquires.

"W-well," Kanji stammers. "Your shadow is all the stuff you try to hide from everyone. All the embarrassing, needy—but _true_ —bullshit you don't want anyone to know."

"Hahaha!" Adachi bursts into a fit of laughter. "His was _sooo gay_!"

Dojima stares at him like he's the stupidest person on earth.

" _You're_ gay!" Kanji shouts, totally red.

"I think you need to work on your burns, Kanji-kun," I sigh.

He shakes his head. "No. He's _literally_ gay!" I glance from Kanji to Adachi, who are glowering at each other.

"No, dumbass! I don't _fit_ into your neat little definitions," Adachi snorts, folding his arms.

Kanji rolls his eyes and groans, but leans back, off the offensive.

"I really don't think that should be a problem for someone as _revolting_ as you," I smile sweetly at Adachi.

He elbows Dojima, looking smug. "Yeah someone who likes me would be the _lowest of the low_ , right?" I don't know why he's grinning so much. It's not a _compliment_...

Dojima looks like he wants to speak, so we wait. He clears his throat. "I think we should all think hard before we say anything else."

"But what kind of a disgusting, depraved, _insane_ —"

"Let's _all_... Try to be _understanding_ of one another." Dojima's rubbing his temples.

"Aww," Adachi coos, showing off a shit-eating smirk. "He _does_ have feelings!" He pinches Dojima's cheek and I think I'm about to see Yuu's uncle go _berserk_!

"Wh-why don't we change the subject?" Kanji tries.

"Hmm," Adachi hums. "I believe I have it on tape, Kanji-kun! We could watch it for research purposes!" he smirks.

"You-you _what_?!" I squeak. The words just pour out before I can stop them. "That—that's _sick_! You taped everyone's shadows?!"

Dojima glances at each of us, ignorance clearly coloring his confusion.

Kanji is white as a sheet.

Adachi is smiling nervously. "Kidding! _Joking!_ Even I wouldn't do such a thing... A-ha ha..."

"If you did, I will beat the _shit_ out of you," Kanji darkly intones.

"Why don't we all take a few minutes away and then talk again?" Dojima asks, regarding the obvious tension. He pulls out a cigarette and Adachi holds up a lighter placatingly.

"Yes," I agree. "Kanji-kun. Let's go for a little walk." Kanji stands and follows me to the door. I can hear the other two men arguing as we exit.

Outside, I pat him on the back. "Are you okay?" I ask. _His shadow was one of the worst and most persistent._

"Meh," he grunts. "He's impossible to get along with." I give him a wry smile. "Things are a lot easier when Nanako's around. He's pretty attached to her and tones it down... But it's a freaking pain in the ass—Having to deal with his mood swings and general assery."

"I bet." I sit on the front step. "Is that why you asked me?"

" _Yeah_ ," Kanji openly admits. "And calling Rise is a good idea. I'd like to outnumber Crazy if he's going to come with us."

I tuck some hair behind my ear, keeping it out of my face. "Why does he need to come? He's not one of _us_. He's the opposite of us—He tried to end the world."

 _You can't change facts._

I sigh. "Adachi said that he would live be the rules, but what rules? That's too vague."

Kanji voices his agreement and sinks to a squat in front of me, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know why—seriously—but in case you didn't notice, he's all over Ojisan. I told you how he brought him back yesterday... And— _ugh_ —Dojima says he _loves_ him."

Kanji rolls his eyes, obviously finding this repulsive. "Nanako seems to think he's okay and there's no way he's going to let us take Dojima into a TV without coming along. Ever since the stuff yesterday Adachi won't even let him take a piss alone, for fuck's sake!"

I can't help giggling at the last part. "They're both so stubborn, I can't see how they get along."

Kanji snorts, looking pained. "Yeah, you're not the only one."

"Ooh!" I connect the dots. "That's why he was so upset earlier!"

"Yup..." Kanji takes out his phone. "I'll shoot Rise a text, then we should go back in."

"Let's make this work!" I try to be encouraging, even if our 'party' feels a bit doomed. "We've never met an enemy we couldn't defeat. If we can learn to work together, we can do it!"

I _do_ believe that.

* * *

NOTES: I was so happy to write a Yukiko chapter! She is one of my favorites, but I ended up setting her up as really busy (because wouldn't she be?), so she hasn't hung with the others much in-story.

I've outlined the rest of the Watakushi chapters that I haven't written and it looks like fifteen main plus the three prologue: eighteen total! I am also thinking about only posting on weekdays as a permanent thing so I have weekends at large to play catch-up. It went well this weekend! I wrote three whole chapters, extra scenes, and the first draft of the shadow encounter. So thanks for accepting my time off~

LAST thing! I ended up creating a Twitter for my fanfiction writing. It's listed in my profile! Connect with me if you have time~

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	28. Secrets and White Lies (Watakushi)

**WARNINGS:** There's a suicide attempt remembered here. I'm also hinting at abuse from the far past ("far past" as in before the game and before Tohru was police and came to Inaba etc). Nothing graphic, but a heads-up as the topics can be triggering for some people.

Additional Information: A Code Grey is the general color code for a violent patient in hospitals in the Northeast (US). It varies by region and I couldn't find anything for Japan. And y'all know I do my research... So I'm going with that one.

* * *

Chapter Two: Secrets and White Lies

(Ryoutarou)

"Finally!" Tohru heaves a sigh, slamming the lock into place. "That Yukiko acts all innocent, but she's got a sharp tongue!"

" _Really?_ " I gripe, folding my arms. "How would you describe your own attitude?"

Tohru cups his chin, striking a pose like he's seriously considering the answer. "Well you've called me ' _charming_ '!"

I stare hard until he waves me away, going to the fridge for something unhealthy, probably.

 _I don't want to get into this... I don't think I'll like the answers._

But I have to know what he's like... With other people. How he treats them. Which has been proven to be dismissively— _At best._

 _Like they don't matter._

"Tohru," I start with a heavy tone. "Did they really all show up on television?" I ask. "Everyone's televisions? The whole town could see those kids' deepest fears and shortcomings?"

 _How did I miss this?_

Tohru nods, twitchy. He caps his soda and grips the bottle tightly.

 _I don't want to ask. I don't want to know._

I sigh.

"And you _enjoyed_ it? You really recorded all that?" I don't understand.

He tentatively nods again. "That's how I am." Tohru coolly eyes me. "And now it might be useful. Guess I really planned ahead!" He smiles at the end.

 _Smiles_.

My head throbs and I raise a hand to my temple. I want to smack that goddamm smile off his face. I can feel my hands have balled into fists instinctively.

"Go ahead," Tohru says. He stares sardonically down at my fists, but the smile changes—It's more sad this time. "Hit me." He's speaking oddly quietly. "I don't mind. I'll even pretend that it hurts."

I grind my teeth, forcing my fingers to uncurl, but only growing angrier. "How are you so strong?" I manage. I wave hand up and down. "There isn't much _to_ you!"

His reply is a single word, spoken charily. " _Secrets._ "

"You know by now I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt," I lecture. "But it isn't easy when you tell me that you enjoy people's pain."

Tohru puts his soda back in the fridge and stalks toward me. He grabs my shirt by the collar and roughly yanks me down to his level. "I can't go back and change any of it. Yes, it was fun for a while and— _yes_ —I got a thrill. Those are _not_ things I will lie about—Because do you want the truth or my persona? Cause you keep _begging_ and _begging_ to see the _real me_. I'm keeping myself in check, but I can't change what's done."

I search his golden eyes. "Don't lie," I relent. "And don't hurt anyone."

"I won't lie to you."

He lets go of me and I straighten, rolling my neck. "How bad is my shadow going to be?"

Tohru drums his fingers on his leg before he starts to pace. "I don't know a lot about your past. Did you ever do anything really awful that I don't know about? Is there anyone you hate?"

"No..." I shake my head uncertainly. "Not that I can think of. I believe you know all my faults."

Tohru stops and a grimace quirks across his face. "You know you were a real boozehound, right? _Absolute_ lush."

I lower at him. "You know I cut back." Tohru nods. "Since I got out of the hospital. I don't get drunk anymore—"

 _Well a few times..._

 _"Almost_ anymore," I correct.

He nods appeasingly. "It's not terrible unless you're in a bad mood."

He starts walking again, winding around the table lost in thought. "I mentioned it earlier because you _should_ know about Kanji's. The freak closeted himself so intensely that his shadow was completely bara! It was looking for naked guys in a bathhouse."

I feel myself blushing. "Th-that sounds uncomfortable."

"Ooh yeah!" Tohru whistles. "The homophobic brat with the headphones almost shit himself!" he guffaws.

"So you're saying..."

Tohru zigs his way back over to pat me on the shoulder. "You should sort your feelings before we do this. Or you'll probably regret it."

I run a hand over my face and through my hair. _What else wouldn't I want people to know about me?_

 _What do I hide away?_

I feel a tug on my arm—Tohru's pulling me to sit on the couch. "I'm sure I can help you get over your fears~" he leers, throwing his arm around me.

"Oh shut up," I bark, maybe a little too harshly. He winces for a second, and I feel bad about snapping. I lean against him and sigh. "You do need to give me space when there are people over. I'm not comfortable having anyone all over me. Alright?"

Tohru's eyes flash and he tightens his grip. "Learn," he apathetically replies.

"You are incredibly needy," I grouse.

He grins wickedly. "You _enjoy_ taking care of me."

 _He's not lying._ I swivel my head so I don't have to look at his smug face.

Tohru laughs, knowing exactly what I'm doing.

"Oi—That's annoying," I jibe.

He snickers again and snakes his other arm around me to meet the first, pulling me to lean against him. His face turns serious—Possibly even anxious. "I don't think I'll be able to calm down until we settle this. So just give in for now."

"You're giving me a headache," I quip, and I see pain on his face—For only a fraction of a second, but it's definitely there.

Tohru manipulates me so he can hold me better. "I'm sorry," he gently apologizes.

And _that's_ downright scary!

"Why?" I ask, alarms firing off as I try to sit back up.

"Just rest," he tiredly instructs, pushing me back down. "Don't overwork yourself. I'll wake you up when the kids get here."

"I'm not a napper," I grumble. _But it is a nice feeling: relaxing in his arms._ "I'll just close my eyes for a minute," I reason.

I see him smile down at me, knowing it's an excuse. "You do that," he replies, still looking down at me warmly.

 _What do I hold in?_

I contemplate the idea, negative thoughts buzzing around my mind as I feel myself drift off.

…

 _Where am I?_

I look down and see that familiar ugly grey— _No._

I can see some of the kids sitting around nearby, chatting amongst themselves...

Looking the way they used to look when they _were_ kids.

"—glad it's done with!" Kanji sighs, still that ridiculous, bleached blond.

 _Hospital—_

 _No—_

"Agreed," Yuu replies. "After the confession tomorrow, we can really start to put it behind us."

 _No._

 _Don't want to remember—_

Satonaka nods, chiming in herself. "Couldn't have worked out better—Adachi turning himself in willingly and all."

 _Push it down again—_

"Aww," Hanamura remarks. "We did all the hard work! No one even cares…"

"What's this about Tohru?" I hear myself ask in a strained voice, sitting up.

Yuu stands and walks over, his eyes narrowing in worry. "Remember what I told you the other day?" he gently asks me.

I shake my head.

"Don't worry," Hanamura waves me off. "He's gone—They shipped him off to Tokyo earlier today to arrange for everything. Took a few days 'till he was able to travel."

 _Is Tohru hurt again?_

I look up at Yuu, confused—Knowing he can read my question. He shakes his head, telling me not to worry, then gives Hanamura a look that says to shut the hell up.

 _I've got to get out of here!_

But when I try to get up, the boy puts a hand on my good shoulder. "Uncle, why don't you stay in bed for now? Adachi is gone; it's okay. He's not going to hurt anyone."

Kanji and Satonaka exchange glances and nod.

"Do we have the death penalty?" Hanamura interjects with a whine, looking at the other two.

"—Oh, no. _No!_ " I grit.

I'm rising again. It's hard work, pushing through my nephew, to get the other end of the room.

 _He told me—Smiled and told me it was him—_

 _Backing away form me—_

 _I can see him—Scowling at me—Eyes blazing—_

 _Crazy eyes—Yellow eyes—_

 _Not him._

 _Not him._

My lips move, but the sound is barely audible.

"…not him…"

"Woah! You need to rest—" I hear Yuu cry, trying to drag me back across the room. "Kanji—Help me!" he yelps.

I keep walking towards the wall, losing track of who's speaking.

"Crap! Chie get help—"

 _This can't be happening…_

My vision is blurry, but I know where the window is.

 _Where am I? Fourth floor—_

"Oi, old man it's winter, you shouldn't—"

 _Why would he—_

I can see outside: it's a nice, clear day.

 _It's too much._

I can't tell if I'm shaking or there's another earthquake.

 _I can't do this anymore._

"Nurse, get in here!"

I smack at the latch and—

 _Not again._

"Code grey! Close the window!"

 _I can't be alone again._

"Code grey!"

I lean out headfirst, trying to pull myself over the sill—

 _…can't do it again._

"Code grey! _Security!_ "

"We don't need— _Oi!_ "

—Then big hands are yanking me backwards and the room spins.

" _Let. Me. Go._ "

Now I can only see the ceiling—Not the sky.

" _Let. Me. Go._ "

"Code grey! Help that kid—"

" _Let. Me. Go._ "

I can see Yuu standing over us—Panicked.

Can see Kanji pinning me to the floor—Hear him yelling at me to stay still.

" _Let. Me. Go._ "

"We're okay—We don't nee—"

" _Let. Me. Go._ "

"Oi! You gotta stop fighting me—"

" _Let me—_ "

—"Ryoutarou?"

My eyes fly open, but I'm still trying to shout. It bursts from my throat, sounding so desperate. " _—go!_ "

Tohru's eyes are wide, but he doesn't let go. He's still cradling me—trying to hold me still—and I feel so claustrophobic. I push off his chest to get away.

"Hey— _What?_ " he sputters. "Geez, calm down!"

I'm still instinctively fighting, so Tohru rolls his eyes, but boosts me to sitting. I gasp, trying to catch my breath. I look back at him distrustfully—Can't help it.

"I'm alright," I vocalize after a minute. I pinch the bridge of my nose, the pain in my head from earlier already returning. "Nightmare," I mumble.

I feel his hand rubbing my back. "Looked bad," Tohru tells me. "Can I do anything?"

I bark out a sarcastic laugh. "Don't you fucking do anyth—"

His shies away as I cut myself off. I draw in a shaky breath.

"What did I say?" I ask, afraid something I didn't want him to know had slipped out.

 _I do have secrets._

Tohru shakes his head. "You just kept screaming for me to let you go… But I didn't want to because you looked so…" He scrunches up his face like he's unsure if I'll get angry. I nod for him to go on. " _Scared._ I tried to wake you."

"It's fine," I bite off the words. I rub my face and lean against the couch to close my eyes again.

Tohru tugs on my shirt. "Come back over here," he complains.

"No—Just—" I sigh. "I need a few minutes."

"Okay," I hear his voice droop, but he obeys patiently, for once. I can hear him pull out his phone and tap away. "Did you always get headaches?" Tohru asks, out of the blue.

I try to remember. "I don't think so."

"Yeah," he replies, and is silent again.

I relax until I hear a key in the lock.

"Ted-aima!" the hyper kid calls as he follows Nanako inside.

I stretch out and my daughter giggles. "You were sleeping?" she asks.

"I can do that," I self-consciously reply, standing.

"Naps are my _favorite_!" Teddie yells, giving me a thumbs-up.

Tohru groans and lies down on the couch himself. "Everything's your favorite, idiot."

Teddie agrees. "Mostly!" The boy runs over to the couch and sits on Tohru's legs.

 _That won't go over well._

Sure enough, Tohru grunts and pushes him off, taking out his phone back out to do... Whatever the hell they do with their fancy phones. Teddie laughs good-naturedly and climbs right back up on the couch.

Nanako is sitting at the table with a notebook, twirling her pen. "Anything I can help with?" I ask her. I grab a glass and pour her cold tea.

"I need to pick a weapon," she tells me. "Teddie told me you're going to get a flamethrower."

Oh. _Oh_.

I hadn't thought of her getting a real weapon.

 _I did get her that stun gun... But I hadn't considered Nanako carrying something more dangerous._

I trust her, of course; it's simply something I didn't think would be necessary. She's _twelve_. And they think she's going to fight these things, too?

"Get any ideas yet, Nana-chan?" the blond boy calls.

"No," she sadly replies, taking the glass from me.

"How do _you_ fight?" I inquire, nodding at Teddie.

He pulls a tough-looking pouch from his bag. "Thought you might ask... Spikey brass knuckles!" he yells, extracting sharp gloves from the bag. He dramatically tosses the case to the floor, donning the clearly dangerous contraptions. The thin boy bounds off the couch and straight at me.

Alarmed, I back up. "Woah! Woah _woah_!" I yelp, throwing up my hands in front of myself—Not that they would do much against _those_. "Why don't we _walk_ when we're wearing knives on our hands, yeah?!"

He slows, looking considerably less excited. "But the guards are still on," he whines. "They can't do anything till I—" He fumbles with the sheaths, successfully knocking one to the ground. "See?" he innocently holds one razor too close to my face.

I step backwards. "I can see it fine a little further away." I whip around to Tohru. "Do any of the kids know _weapon safety_?! How have they not hurt themselves?"

He shrugs as though it doesn't concern him. _Goddammit!_

"I'm fine~" Teddie sings, waving his demented claws around, trying to knock off another of the coverings. "I'm super-duper cautious!"

I slap my forehead. "Ugh. You can stop. I get the point—"

"Point!" Teddie shrieks. " _Point_!" He bursts out laughing. "Because they're so beary sharp!"

Nanako giggles too, and even Tohru rolls his eyes. _This is not normal._

"Let's get those off you for now," I plead, seriously unsure how he can remove them when he could barely take off the safety devices.

My cell goes off and I don't need _another_ problem. I pick it up. "Well _good evening_ , friend!" _Sakamoto._

 _And he's not happy._

"What," I tersely reply.

"Hmph!" Sakamoto intones. "Wanted to check in… Rumor is you're all buddy-buddy with Yamamura now."

" _He_ say that?" I fume.

Sakamoto sighs. "I'm hazarding a _guess_. Because he'd better be your new fucking best friend if you want him to zip it. He came to me before work today to talk about yesterday and— _Look_."

He pauses and sighs. "I don't know _what_ the hell happened over there, but it apparently sounded like lots of screaming and he thinks he saw blood... He was practically pissing himself. Said it sounded like someone was trapped in your house and I told him he has an overactive imagination. _But for fuck's sake—_ Give me something to work with over here!"

"Nnn." I rub the bridge of my nose, motioning for Tohru to get the claws off the kid, then turn to face the wall, speaking more quietly. "Did he threaten me?"

"No." Sakamoto pauses. "He sounded _concerned_ , if anything. Said it sounded like someone was getting chopped up and there was a suspicious crowd inside. Didn't mention Adachi by name, though... You'd better be freaking nice from now on if you don't want a lynching when the town finds out."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumble. "It has to come out sometime, but I would rather control the flow of information."

"Agreed. You know how small towns are—Looking for someone to blame. When there _is_ they get particularly nasty... You should make an appearance soon. I don't care if you're off, come by and be friendly so there are no rumors."

I nod. "I'll stop in tomorrow, alright?"

"Done. Make it lunch and we can all go out."

"Sure," I tell him and hang up.

 _I should ask about Kubo while I'm in. I wonder if he even knows that one's around again._

When I turn back around, Nanako is laughing while Tohru's yelling at Teddie to stand still while he tries to put all the casings back on the gloves. The boy beams at me. "They're like wow, right?!"

" _Yup,_ " I reply, pulling out a chair to sit down. "Nanako." I turn to her; worried she's going to make a rash decision about this. "Why don't you sleep on it. Just keep the Taser on you for now, alright?"

"Okay," she nods and closes her notebook. I catch her and Tohru exchange something nonverbally and inwardly groan.

The _last_ thing I need is the two of them keeping things from me— _Collaboratively_.

 **#**

After dinner, I send Teddie home. Tohru wanders upstairs. Nanako settles in front of the TV to do her homework and I can't help wondering what all of this is like for her.

"Nanako," I start, unsure what I even mean to ask. She looks over at me questioningly. "Do you ever hang around with kids from your class?"

She taps her pen thoughtfully. "In school," she replies.

"You can, ah—" I pause, realizing that inviting them over wouldn't be a good solution. "You can go out with them, you know. I trust you to come home on time."

"That's alright," she smiles and turns back to her work.

I stand there—Not sure how to give her a push. "Do you need more money to go out to eat?" I ask. She's young to have a job, but she does most of the chores here.

"No." She doesn't even bother looking up from her work this time. "I like being with Teddie. And Kanji. And Tohru-jisan."

"O-oh." _How do I argue with that?_

She does look up when I don't walk away. "Is that a problem?" she questions. "Do you not want me to be around them so much?"

"It's not that—" I start, exasperated. "You know I like all of them— _Clearly_ —" I sigh, working out how to make my point. "I just think you should have some friends your own age. Maybe some girls. People you can talk to. About stuff that you don't want to talk to me about—O-or the other men."

She stares at me as though I sound nuts—As though all of the madness is completely normal. "I have people I can talk to," she sharply replies.

"You're not making this easy for me," I complain, sighing again.

She hesitates, and then levels with me. "If you mean about puberty, Kanji and Yukiko-chan already talked to me."

I feel all the blood drain from my face. "K-k-ka-kanji?!"

"Yeah," she nonchalantly replies. "His mom had him send me to Yukiko-chan, though."

 _I think I'm having a heart attack—_

"Why didn't you come to me?! I'm—" I cut myself off, stupefied.

 _I'm your father. That's why._

"It was at least a year ago," she interrupts my thoughts. "Don't worry so much."

 _I didn't even notice—Kanji didn't say anything…_

"Uuh," I stupidly reply. I need a minute to absorb all this. I don't know if it's more or less shocking than everything yesterday. "Y-yes. I guess. Let me know if you n-need anything…"

 _Obviously she won't._

I say goodnight and climb the stairs.

 _All this time I thought things were going well. I thought I was doing a better job at being an only parent—That I knew what was going on in Nanako's life._

 _I can understand why she didn't tell me about whatever power she has, but this other thing is normal parent fare…_

 _I hadn't realized how much we've been relying on the others. We truly are lucky to have all these extra people in our lives._

But I need to pay more attention. That's what it _always_ comes back to.

I retrieve clean clothes from my room and go for a soak. I let the tub fill while I wash up, then climb in, still in shock. I don't even realize I forgot to grab Tohru until the door opens and he calls my name.

"Yes," I weakly reply. "I'm here."

"You didn't get me!" he cries. He changes his tune when he sees me though. "Woah," he breathes. "Did somebody _die_?"

"Huh?" I look up at him, lost. "No…"

"Then?"

"I-I don't know myself. That's the problem." I slide down in the tub, so only my nose and eyes stick out of the water. I know it looks like I'm pouting, but I don't give a shit.

Tohru looks caught between laughing and wanting to comfort me. I glare at him, disliking both possible responses.

"What?" He gives me a wounded look and starts washing himself. "You want me to leave?" His eyes go wide and he reaches for the tap.

"No, moron," I halfheartedly snap, the words coming out mangled from speaking through the water. _He gets the idea._

"Can I help?" he asks.

I raise my head and lean back. "You? Help?" I scoff. Tohru nods genuinely, but I narrow my eyes. "Don't keep things from me—That's how you can _help_. I saw whatever you two said with that creepy Spartan sign language." I sigh. "Didn't get it, but I saw it happen."

Tohru shuts off the water, done, and walks over to the tub. I shift sideways so he has to sit in front of me and I can hold him. He groans, but does what I want. I wrap my arms around Tohru and rest my chin on his shoulder, sighing again. I instinctively know he's rolling his eyes and it makes me smile. He folds his hands in his lap and leans back against me.

"Let me see..." I pull back to look at his burn.

He twists away in annoyance. " _It's fine,_ " he testily tells me.

 _I'll let it go for now. I'd rather relax than fight._

"Are we still going to do this when you go back to work?" Tohru asks me. _He was never good at sitting still._

"Yes," I nod. "I told you I cut back my hours... With you and Yuu gone, someone had to be home to pay attention to Nanako." I moan, a guttural sound in my throat. "Not that I did a great job, nonetheless."

" _That's_ what this is about?" Tohru curiously turns his head to look at my face. I know I'm frowning. "I'd say you're better than average. Better than _I_ had, at least—" He falls silent.

I tip my head into his. "You never talk about before you came here."

"Feh," he grunts. "You wouldn't want to hear about it."

"Why not?" I ask, genuinely surprised he would think that. "I want to learn more about you." I grip him tighter. "I don't even know what brought you here, after all these years. Start with that."

" _Aheh,_ " Tohru laughs bitterly, a single utterance that wracks his body as he releases it. " _No._ " He's firm about it. "I'll tell you all of it, someday. For now try to remember you're a good parent." He places his hands over my own and gives them a squeeze.

 _I'm not buying it._

"She went to that _punk_ Kanji for the 'facts do life'," I miserably mumble.

Of course Tohru bursts out laughing, he smacks the side of the tub a few times, he's howling so much.

"Oh yeah," I reply. "Ha ha."

"No—N-No!" Tohru stutters between giggles. "That's not it." He finally calms down and wipes his face. I frown unamused.

"You know," he starts. "I hate to say it because I don't like him, but he's a decent person. Better than me for sure, and maybe better than you."

My frown depends to a glare. "Your _point_?"

"From what she's told me, he's been like an extra parent or something. You..." I feel Tohru swallow and grunt unhappily. "Should be _glad_ he's in your life."

"I know."

He's quiet again, but I know he's struggling to say something else.

"I wanted to be where he is. He was with you the whole time I was gone. _I_ wanted to be like that for Nanako. I always liked her... Even before I liked you so much." Tohru laughs mirthlessly. "I'm... I'm _happy_ she has him." He practically spits the words.

 _I take him at his word mostly because he says it so aggressively. Compliments are uncharacteristic._

"Hnn," I grunt. "So don't hide things, alright?"

"I'll do my best," he promises in a sarcastic voice.

I poke Tohru in the side and he squirms away, making a growling noise. I can't help chuckling.

"Cut it out," he whines.

"Tomorrow," I muse. "I'm going to exercise. I have to go out in the afternoon, and you can't keep me cooped up here."

"I _can_ ," Tohru protests.

I shake my head. "I'm alright. You can come running, if you're going to be a wuss about it. But you have to keep up," I goad.

Tohru snorts. "I can keep up, old man."

I feel myself laughing again. "When's the last time you've exercised? And you have to wear sunglasses and a hat or something."

"That's cliché."

"What else can we do?" I roll my eyes. "I don't want you going into town, but if you can get that thing off, you might as well come with me. It'd be good for you. Maybe you won't be so uptight when your doctor comes in the afternoon."

"Ugh," Tohru groans. "I forgot."

"Don't," I tell him. "You promised you'd work with them."

"Yeah yeah..."

"We should get out. The water's getting cold and I'll have to refill it for Nanako."

Tohru groans but stands and exits, reaching for his towel. Looking at his back, I remember something that's been nagging at me. "Hey," I softly call.

"Hmm?" he replies, passing me my own towel.

I take it and place my hand on the long-faded, mottled spots in the small of his back. There are a lot of small splotches and I have a spike of fear of what they represent.

The second my hand makes contact there, he jerks forward. "Whoops," he brushes it off. "Tripped." He rights himself and walks away from me. "Now what is it?" he smiles evasively.

"Nothing," I shake my head, still surprised at his reaction. _That means I'm probably right._

I hope not.

* * *

Note: Re-Edited 6/15/17


	29. Input vs Output (Watakushi)

Note: As an aside—The game came out in 2008, so that's the year I'm saying those events happened in.

* * *

Chapter Three: Input vs Output

(Tohru)

"I found your weapon," I declare, sitting on the floor next to Nanako. I hold out a picture on my cell phone for her to see.

"What is it?" She sounds interested. _I knew showing her directly was the way to go!_

I mime spinning something on my finger and flicking it across the room. "Chakram. They can be really big or super tiny. If we did tiny ones, you could carry a bunch and throw them ranged, so you don't need to get close. Anything not-ranged and your dad will flip." I slide the phone back into my pocket after I text her the English spelling.

Nanako nods. "I'm listening."

"Kanji said they know a guy who can get or make pretty much anything. My money's on Daidara. He's..." I frown. "He's suspicious. How does he make a living in a backwater place like this otherwise?"

"It's Daidara," Nanako agrees. "And I bet he can make or get something like that."

I feel myself smiling naturally, for once. "You like my idea?"

She smiles back. "Mm-hmm!"

"Awesome~" I cheer and lay back on the floor. "Are you still working?"

"Not really," she replies. "What's wrong?"

"What happened earlier? Your dad was pretty broken up."

Nanako sighs. "He was being pushy about me having friends from school. I don't think it matters that much." I see a frown form as she continues. "We get along..."

I sit back up and hug my knees so I can look at her. "You should have some friends. If not it gets lonely."

"I have you guys," she tells me like I'm an idiot.

 _I wish I could give her everything I know so she could learn the easy way._ "If you don't keep up with them outside of school, too, they might leave you out."

"That's okay."

 _That's what I thought, too._

"Eesh," I exhale. "Being friendly doesn't hurt _much_. You can always go out for a quick bite—Like whatever's the equivalent of a burger here. Croquettes? Kabob?"

Nanako laughs. "We could always go to another town. But that would take a while."

"Yeah," I agree. "Then you're stuck with those bozos even longer... But you will be trapped with the same people through high school, though. So make sure they like you." She giggles a little. I grimace. "For once I'm not kidding. Kids are _terrible people_."

Nanako searches my face, but I don't give anything more away.

"Okay~" I roll to my feet. "I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'm apparently going jogging. At _six_." I wrinkle my nose, exercise being _clearly_ beneath me.

"You're not going to be up," Nanako dubiously comments.

"I know," I huff. "What is _wrong_ with your dad?"

She smirks. "Kanji and his exercise enthusiasm got to him."

"At least I know who to _blame_ —Thanks!" I dramatically reply.

"It was good for him at the time," Nanako tells me. "But _you're_ not going to like it."

"I know," I sigh.

I pull out my cell again as I walk away. I felt it ding a while ago.

It's a text from Kubo. " _what you want the discount for_ "

 _Hmm. Interesting._

 _I thought he might contact me. But this is better than expected._

I texted him this morning, but didn't expect a response after getting nothing for hours upon hours. I simply told him who I am and asked about his situation.

" _A Vita. And games._ " I write back. " _I'm behind the times. Prison and all. Broke and under house arrest in case you didn't notice._ "

 _Hmm... I don't want to get too friendly and have the others angrier at me, but..._

" _I'm willing to exchange valuable information for deep discounts._ "

It's always possible he'll find something that puts him in a better position than us. _Always_ hedge your bets.

It's weird to think of myself as the one keeping my family— _my what now_ —safe. But my first priority since I've been here has been the two of them: Ryoutarou and Nanako.

In a fucked-up way I recognize that I'm possessive of Ryoutarou... But I'm equally _protective_ of them both. That doesn't feel like the way things should be.

She's not _my_ child or anything. _Not my responsibility._

But why else would I have sent those freaking letters? The ones that got me caught. There is _no_ logical reason for why I did that—Handed the police evidence of my involvement.

There's a nagging sensation, a tugging at the back of my brain, about _something_. But I'm not gonna pull it free if it's buried—Must have done that for a reason.

New message from Kubo: " _were doing a promotion next week for a bundle. 45,000¥ includes two games. want?_ "

 _I wonder if he can take a bank card over the phone. But we should really chat in person..._

 _I could slip out if I have to, but it's safer to talk to Ryoutarou, to throw him a heads-up._

" _Give me a few days._ "

I turn my mobile to vibrate and enter the bedroom. "Ryoutarou?" I squint. If he were up I'd be able to see the lit end of a cigarette. "You asleep?"

I hear him mumble something, so he's mostly asleep. I'll tell him in the morning.

 _And ooh fuck—_

I have to set an alarm. First time in _years_.

There's something I want to do, and I'll have to rise early to make it happen.

I set my phone, shuck my clothes and crawl into the futon. I'm oddly content with my place here. It doesn't feel natural or right.

 _But I like where I am right now._

 **#**

The alarm I'd set on my phone vibrates from under my pillow and I'm happy I wake before Ryoutarou. I smile and slip back into my shorts, grab my other stuff, and cross the hall to my own room. I swallow the nasty pills, and then throw my dirty clothes in a heap and pull on stuff suitable for exercise—

 _When the hell did I become so messy?_

I look around at the way I've thrown my stuff around in here. _I use to be really neat when I had my own place... But then I had to pick up after myself, while here I haven't even been shown the laundry machine._

I know where it is, _of course_ , but Ryoutarou's taken all of the clothes from me twice now. I don't think I have to worry about it.

 _...Is that weird or normal?_

I roll the idea around in my head as I root around in my old suitcase, again. Not everything is _entirely_ useless... Some of the stuff merely outdated and can't be used the way I'd hoped. But I think I can make _this_ work.

Way back in '08 I'd purchased Christmas gifts for Ryoutarou and Nanako on the first of November— _stupid, shitty idea_ —and then few days later everything went to shit...

But I have them. I saw them when I was poking around the other day. And I want to give them, still... And there _is_ a part of me that gets _crazy_ angry when I think of that Yamamura making coffee for Ryoutarou.

From Junes, I got him a large, temperature-controlling thermos, and her one of those dumb, special-edition zodiac notebooks I knew all the kids wanted. She always loved that damn store. Nanako was already practicing kanji and I thought she'd like it.

The travel mug holds more than a large, and I was going to buy some nice coffee and brew it myself.

— _Right._ _Cause that would fix everything._

But I thought it would be a caring gesture. Then five days later Nanako is gone and he's in the hospital. I put those crappy gifts out of sight and out of mind. _I always wished I could've been able to give them..._

I haven't forgotten, and with Ryoutarou going in to work this afternoon, it's as good a time as any. They're still in their original Junes bags, looking all shiny and new.

I carry the items downstairs and place them on the counter. Flicking on the fancy coffeemaker, I wonder if this will even come out right. I take the can of beans from the cabinet and dump scoops into the grinder's basket like I've seen Ryoutarou do.

I add a few extra spoonfuls than necessary to make sure it's dark enough— _I've been warned that apparently that's important._ I feel my face pinching into some expression as I set it to the right number of scoops and press "drip".

The sound is louder than I'd hoped, and I fidget nervously while they're chopped to bits. _I have no idea which filter I'm even supposed to use—_ So I guess and dump the grounds on top. I fill the pot with slightly more water than cups—another trick Ryoutarou taught me a long time ago— _because some of the water will be absorbed by the beans, blah blah blah..._

While the coffee is brewing. I pull the mug out of the cheap plastic bag. I take off the packaging and stickers and tags, discarding them in the correct bins. I wash it briefly in the sink and wipe it down with a dishtowel. I suck in a deep breath, hoping this is a good idea, after all.

"Oh!" I hear behind me. "Good morning, Tohru-jisan!" Nanako smiles when I whip around.

"He-heh~" I nervously chuckle. "Mornin' Nanako-chan!" I move in front of the bags while she heats leftover soup. The rice cooker is already on, thanks to its timer.

" _If_ ," I start. "I-if I hypothetically found an old gift I never gave you, but was still new and all, w-would you want it?" I question.

She nods. "Yeah! That'd be a fun surprise."

I fumble behind self for the bag. "S-sorry it's so l-late!" I apologize, even bowing. "I had gotten it on the first, and then I didn't have time to—" I stop babbling when Nanako accepts the package from my hands opens the bag, surprise flickering across her preteen face.

"It's one of _those_!" she gasps. "I couldn't get one because..." she trails off and shakes her head. "That's not important," she adds, smiling so sweetly I think my heart's _stopped_. "I really wanted one, Tohru-jisan—I got home too late, and I have all the other years. Thank you!" Nanako clutches the stupid cheap notebook and hugs me, and I'm so shocked I can't move.

This couldn't have gone better, but I couldn't _feel_ worse.

"I-I-I hope you can use it for something important!" I declare, hugging her back with one arm.

"I will!" she grins, drawing away to collect her food. "I've been looking for a notebook for a certain project and this will be perfect."

"Good," I reply, trying to smile normally. Then the coffeemaker dings and I turn around to pour the bitter liquid into the new thermos.

Nanako watches me closely. "Was that for Dad?" she asks.

"Yes," I nod. "I remembered it because he's going in for a while today. I thought it might be a good time..." I say, fiddling with the strainer at the mouth of the jug.

"Yeah," she agrees. "I think it's nice!"

 _She has no idea how relieved I am to hear her say that!_

 _You calm the hell down—It's going better than—_

 _Well, not expected..._

"Thanks," I smile sincerely. "Oh. Would you, uh, mind taste-testing the rest of the coffee I made? I don't really anything about coffee. Only what I learned watching you two."

"Sure," Nanako tells me and grabs her mug. I only pour a little so it will cool faster, but she drinks it quickly.

Nanako beams up at me and takes a second sip. I sigh out the breath I'd been holding. _Must not be terrible, at least._ She holds out the cup to me.

"You-you want _more_?" I inquire.

"Yes."

I pour more coffee, awestruck at the fact it's potable, and maybe good. I serve some for myself after; I guess I should try it. And place the new travel mug at Ryoutarou's seat.

"So you're going to run?" Nanako smirks at me over her food.

"I guess," I groan. "I'm not much for needless running." I grab some food for myself, considering. "Unless I'm being chased, I don't think I _ever_ run."

"Tohru-jisan," she seriously states. "You're not one for _any_ exercise, be honest."

I sigh resting my head on the table. "Nope!" I grin stupidly.

Nanako laughs and we sit in an easy silence while until Ryoutarou jaunts down the stairs. "Morning!" he greets us. _Too chipper._

"Come sit," I wave him over.

"I... _Smell coffee...?_ " Ryoutarou asks, sounding puzzled.

Nanako smiles and gestures to the thermos. "Tohru-jisan made it.

His eyes widen. "Really?" He pours some, takes a helping of soup, and sits with us. "And what's _this_?" he inquires.

I roll my head over to the other side. "A really, _really_ late gift," I quietly tell him.

He picks it up to inspect. It has the Junes logo and the year it was from. "Thanks?" he asks. I can't read his expression until I turn around.

"It wasn't a great year..." I yank at my hair, an old anxiety-induced habit. "But I bought them to give out at Christmas... And then I was gone." I take a deep breath, still not daring to glance over at my old partner. "Part of it was going to be that I made the coffee. And with that size you shouldn't need refills all day..."

When I do finally sit back up, I can see that Ryoutarou has settled into his seat facing the thermos. "I didn't like getting my own coffee all this time, _you know_." He smiles shyly and looks down at his food. Nanako giggles and I sigh in relief.

"I'm off!" Nanako is the next to speak, threading her arms through the straps of her bag to leave for school. "I'm stopping at the Tatsumis' before school. 'Bye!" We both wave and bid her farewell.

"Let's go," Ryoutarou calls after he clears his dishes.

I groan but move to put my own sneakers on. I take a big old sweatshirt out of the closet and find a cap in the shoe cabinet. "Do I _need_ sunglasses too?" I whine. Ryoutarou turns to look at me and bursts out laughing.

"You're _fine_ ," he says as he walks by me. He snugs the brim lower to cover my yellow eyes, then laces up his own runners, still chucking to himself. "But that _does_ look ridiculous on you..."

I teleport to the door and my bracelet clatters to the floor. I grin at Ryoutarou and throw my arm around his shoulders as we exit, locking the door behind ourselves.

Outside, I stretch a little and link my arms behind my head. "So where are we going?" I ask with a yawn.

"Woods— _You're_ not going into town," Ryoutarou replies, taking off at a good clip.

I roll my eyes groan.

 _Already being left behind._

I lope after him—A little concerned I have no idea how to pace myself. I let him lead us to the edge of the neighborhood and onto a trail, at which point he shoots even farther ahead, really running. I groan and sprint a little to catch up.

I'm a load stronger than I use to be, what with all the fighting I've done. And the other me.

But cardio and endurance are _not_ my forte. I struggle to keep up with Ryoutarou—Who's like fifteen years my elder...

 _I'd be more aggravated if I had any enough air in my system for proper thought._

After a long, long time, he slows and halts by a bench. " _Tired?_ " Ryoutarou flashes me a shitty, smug smirk and stretches his legs.

"Urghh," I moan and collapse on the bench, not bothering to stretch or retie my shoes or any of that crap. "How far are we going?" I ask after a minute.

"This is about half," he replies, wiping sweat off his forehead. "C'mon! Shouldn't be too hard."

"... _Kill me_..."

Ryoutarou guffaws loudly, like he's not got a care in the world right this minute. "Hnn," he grunts, stepping closer to me. "You can do it. You want me to fight monsters? I want _you_ to get in shape—And it can't _hurt_ for the whole monster-fighting thing."

I stand and stretch a little. "Yeah yeah..."

"Do you want me to show you what you _should_ be stretching?" he asks. My irritation must show through because he backs away and shrugs. "Suit yourself... Ready?"

I straggle at an uneven pace all the way home. "You do this everyday?" I ask.

Ryoutarou nods, chugging a bottle of water from the fridge. He passes me one of the Aquarius. "Drink that," he commands. "You need the calories."

I make a face. "Can't I just have a soda?"

" _No._ " He sighs, capping his own bottle. "This is better after you work out." He grabs a towel from under the sink. "Weights?"

"Yeah— _No._ I don't think so," I groan. "I'd like to go scrub off the sweat and literal dirt."

Ryoutarou turns back to me on his way to the cellar stairs. "If you wait. I'll wash your back!" He smiles and waves as he takes off down the stairs.

I loose a moan and sink down on the couch. I flip on the television, not caring what's on but also not wanting to fall asleep in the meantime.

When I click open my cell, I'm unsurprised to find a text from Kubo asking me to let him know about everything by Friday so he can secure me a package.

I open the page for my bank account. I have more than enough money that the games wouldn't make a real dent, but it's still bugging me that I should consult with Ryoutarou. _I paid for my own release fees, but he hasn't asked me to chip in since I've arrived._

He bought me all those new clothes. Futon that I don't even use. Sneakers and sandals. I'm not a light eater... _This phone._ The plan...

It will all add up. It's not like I'm trying to take advantage of him. _That's_ not what I want.

 _Okay. So maybe I don't entirely know_ _what_ _I want, but it isn't to be a drain on him and Nanako._

I lean back and take another drink. _What can I do?_

I could get a job, but... Who the hell would hire someone like me? It's not like I'm on good terms with practically anyone who owns a business.

 _Maybe I shouldn't have been so snippy with Yukiko..._

She runs a ryokan. There's gotta be behind-the-scenes gruntwork needing done. I could ask her, but—Don't even know her number...

 _Kanji has it._

Pissed him off too. And I don't have the younger kid's number.

 _The only one who likes me, and I don't even have to try... But I haven't bothered because I don't have to try._

It has been fun, but maybe I need to rethink my approach.

 _Bigger picture and more planning, like I said the other day when everything was a mess._

 _Isn't that supposed to be how you don't get in a mess?_

 **#**

I keep telling Ryoutarou to go on ahead so he's not late, but he's freaking _insistent_ about talking to the doctor.

The doorbell chimes. Probably the bastard now.

I stay planted on the couch and groan as Ryoutarou rises to answer it. I turn so the bandage under my cheek is on the far side— _He'll forget if he can't see it._

I hear the door open and the two chatting.

 _Yep. It's Aizawa._

I started seeing this one near the end, as a 'transition'. They told me I would get to keep him after I was released.

 _Oh good! Great for me~_

Ryoutarou leads him to the table and fetches him a mug of coffee, looking happy that I'm starting my appointments today.

I'm significantly less than happy.

I don't care for this Aizawa guy. He looks like he just graduated and got stuck with the job no one wants, but acts happy and nice so people like him and he gets promoted and praised and— _Well fuck._ That was _me_.

 _Fucking. Hate. Him._

"Afternoon, Tohru-san!" the young man says.

" _Don't you fucking call me Tohru!_ " I holler—louder than I meant to—before I can think better of it.

Ryoutarou stops in his tracks, eyes wide. Not even a glare, just surprise at my outburst. "That, ah…"

"No, it's quite alright," Aizawa tells him, but he does look nervous. _Good._

"It's _not_ ," Ryoutarou grunts and does glare at me now.

I sigh and slap on a goofy smile. "Heh! Sorry about that~ Don't know _what_ came over me, to forget my manners in such a way!" I gush.

Ryoutarou looks angrier that I'm faking it, and ends up slamming the mug on the table so hard some of the coffee spills. "Alright. That's it." He turns to Aizawa. "Do you want me to stay? You look kind of…" he fumbles, gesturing and sighing. " _Uhh_ —Don't look like you're used to people like this."

I snicker. _He was totally going to say that he looks weak._

"That's okay," Aizawa easily replies. "It's not my first time seeing him."

Ryoutarou looks between me and the other man expectantly, then shakes his head.

 _I'd rather he leave for this..._

"Please call me Adachi," I say in a more normal tone.

Ryoutarou snorts, but picks up the new thermos and walks to the door. "You have my direct number," he pointedly reminds to Aizawa—while looking at me—before leaving.

I wait until I hear the key turn to begin my verbal assault. "So confidentiality..." I muse. "How far does that extend?" I rise from the couch and amble over to the table to sit across from my newest therapist or psychiatrist or whatever the hell they like to be called.

Aizawa nods. "Good question." He clicks his pen a few times, thinking. "What you tell me stays between us as long as you're not going to hurt yourself or others—and as long as you're not violating the terms of your parole."

"Huh," I reply, drumming my fingers. "So I could hypothetically tell you things like… Say…" I pause for effect. And to make it look as though I'm actually coming up with a scenario on the spot. "Like what if I saw someone get stabbed?"

The other man knits his brows. "I would tell you to report it to the police if it were a recent matter, but I cannot report it for you."

"Okay…" I smile, going through the list I'd made. "What do you know about me? Has someone named Sakamoto spoken with you?"

"No…" Aizawa shakes his head. "I know who he is, though I only know what the records show and what you yourself divulge. I didn't see a need to speak with him directly."

"Hmm," I exhale. "And what if I told you that—hypothetically—I knew something dangerous was happening, but that I would need to leave the house to stop it?" I plaster on the most innocent smile I can manage.

Aizawa "hmm"s again. "I would follow up on the situation. _Everyone's_ first priority should be safety, but you need to stay within the designated area." He points down at my damn anklet and I frown, though I am glad I remembered to put it back on.

 _Teleporting back into it is much more trouble than getting it off._

"That's all." I lean back in my chair.

"So how are the medications working out?" Aizawa asks. "Having any problems?"

 _Still seeing demons._ "Not a one!" I cheerfully respond.

 _Still hate almost everyone. It feels good to be chatting up another murderer. I'm planning to give weapons to children._

 _Oh. And I have about ten guns stashed around this very house!_

"That's great to hear!" Aizawa energetically replies. "And what do you plan to do with your days?"

I tap my foot on the floor in a steady tattoo. "For now I'm just going to catch up on all the games I missed!" Bringing out the goofy grin again.

 _And fight demons. Build guns. Practice magic. Open more portals to other worlds._

 _Sounds_ like a game...

"I'm happy it's all behind me!" Aizawa is writing something down, but I can't see it.

After a pause, I lean forward to neatly fold my hands on the table, trying to look serious—And _maybe_ glimpse the notes.

I remember my practiced answer. "I'll do whatever I can in order to be helpful to Ryou and Nanako." I try a grin.

 _That's dangerously close to the truth._

"It is nice of them to have you," Aizawa wholeheartedly agrees. "As a professional I shouldn't be saying this—"

 _Oh freaking please say whatever it is, then! Give me something to work with here..._

"—but I don't know if I could've done the same for a friend."

"Oh," I smirk. _Got him._ "Well we're more than friends. And that's something you _can't_ share, right?"

Aizawa stares uncomprehendingly. "I'm sorry, what?"

I nod. "You heard me. And it's not hurting anyone, so you have to keep that between us, correct?"

He hesitates. "I—I suppose I do."

 _Bingo._

"You wouldn't lie to a patient, right?" I gasp in 'horror', widening my eyes.

"N-no." He shakes his head, frowning, and goes back to clicking his pen.

I rise and circle around the table to his side. "Well, that's a all I have to talk about for today, and you must have so much to digest~ _Why don't I see you out?_ " I grab the back of his chair and tug it away so there's room to stand.

"Ah, yes—That's fine." Aizawa hurriedly shuffles his papers back into his briefcase and heads for the door. "I'll see you next week—"

" _Adachi_ ," I supply my name with ease. "See you then, Aizawa-kun!" I wave and smile brightly as the guy walks down the street.

I shut the door and lock it, then lean against it and attempt to catch my breath. It was likely unwise to push Aizawa… _But what else am I supposed to do?_ If he doesn't have any clout, I'm not wasting my damn time.

* * *

Note: So I didn't think I'd use the strategically placed locked suitcase for anything other than Tohru hiding guns—Fairly certain I described it as containing useless crap for the SAKE of hiding guns. Welp, I now have a deus ex machina and I feel terrible for going back to it again... (And in one more instance in a future chapter already.) But more shit just came out of that locked suitcase... That was never seized as evidence or for inspection because... Uhh... ...So last night I bolted upright in bed, an idea striking me, and I yelled out that I KNEW where he had hid the suitcase! (Dog jumping up and pinning his ears back in panic and everything.) My husband looks up from his book and stares at me like I'm dumb. "In the model living room right? That seems obvious." I glowered and laid back down, aggravated at being bested by someone who had only even read the first story...

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	30. Watakushitachi (Watakushi)

Notes: You can pluralize most Japanese pronouns by adding –tachi. (Or –ra for a select few.) So this chapter takes the title and twists it to "OUR personal business".

Sorry for the short chapter today. I had just two Nanako scenes that needed doing, and then—Actually no. Tomorrow we go back to the beginning of—oh god which day is it—WEDNESDAY! We go back to earlier in Wednesday and get Ryoutarou and Sakamoto, then a weird spooky incident before Nanako even gets home. Sorry. I had to cram her chapter in here somewhere... She IS important!

And for the record, I AM starting to get confused. I spent the bulk of Mukidashite-Time up making a list of timelines for each story, as well as pre-game Adachi, AdaJima in game, Adachi in prison, and Dojimas pre-game. It was a real pain, but now I have reference materials. ...I'm pretty invested at this point.

* * *

Chapter Four: Watakushitachi

(Nanako)

 _I know what I'm going to do with the notebook..._

It's going to help me uncover the truth—The parts that keep getting glossed over.

When the bell rings, I pack my stuff and make a beeline for the shoe lockers. _I don't have any reason to hang around. I would much rather walk home with Teddie and chat with Kanji or Tohru, than waste time on classroom gossip._

In two years, when I start high school, I _will_ have to join a club or maybe student council… I don't need to worry about that right now though, because I'll just continue on to the local high school. _With my grades, I don't have to worry._

"Dojima-chan!" I hear someone call. It would be rude to ignore them, but with all the trouble the other day I want to hurry home. _Tohru said he would text me if anything happened, but…_

I turn around to see two girls from my class. "Yes?" I politely inquire.

"Yoko-chan and I wanted to borrow your notes from literature. Do you mind?" one girl—Akemi—asks.

"That is," I drag out, elongating the sound. "That's a little…" _I haven't actually finished the assignment yet._

"Oh, come on~" Akemi pleads. "You're so _smart_ , you've already finished the homework, right?"

I bite my lip. _I don't want them to get upset, but I need my notes. And I don't particularly want them copying my work._ "I'm very sorry," I apologize. "It isn't done, yet."

"That's okay," Yoko cheerily tells me. "Let us see when it is!"

"I—"

 _I'd rather not._

The words stick in my throat. I lose my chance as the two walk out the door, snickering over something that Akemi whispers to Yoko.

I grit my teeth and exchange shoes, slipping into my sneakers as I walk through the front door.

"Nana-chan~" I hear Teddie sing as I step out onto the sidewalk. _I love having someone to walk home with—He always brightens my day!_

He waves, holding up a shopping bag. "I bought snacks!"

I'm aware that Akemi and Yoko are still overtly glancing at me and talking quietly, but I'll ignore it.

"Thanks," I tell him. "I could eat."

"Who _couldn't_?!" he giggles, holding out his hand. "Snacks are the best~"

I laugh and take his hand in mine, forgetting the kids from my class as he swings our arms really high and asks me about my day. He prattles on about what he did at work today for the rest of the walk to the textile shop.

"Oops!" Teddie says, remembering something. He drops my hand and looks inside the bag he's carrying. "I have the groceries! Gotta put them away... I'll be right back~" he calls, running into the house.

I nod and take a seat next to Kanji, outside. He's sitting quietly, knitting something. _He looks like a real adult when he concentrates._

"'Sup?" he asks as I sit. "Everything still good?"

I nod, considering how to broach my request. "Kanji?" I cautiously ask.

"Yeah?" he easily replies.

I hold up the notebook that has the year printed on the cover: "Junes Limited Winter Special 2008". Cute cartoon-y rats dancing across the illustration.

"Woah!" he says with awe. "I remember those! Brings me back! They only had a couple and all the girls had to have them—I couldn't get my hands on one!"

I take a deep breath. "I want to know the truth," I tell Kanji.

"Huh?" he asks. "I _always_ tell you the truth." He frowns, folding his knitting and waiting for me to continue.

"You'll see…" I hold it out to him. "You're the first."

He takes it with a questioning look.

"It's because I trust you the most."

Kanji nods, knowing this already. "What's it for?"

"It says on the first page." I take a deep breath. "I got this old notebook from Tohru-jisan and it gave me an idea. I want you to tell me what really happened—in your own words—then staple your section closed and give it back."

He gulps, looking nervous. " _You mean…_ "

I nod. "Yes. I don't need to know right this minute, but I will at some point. And if I have it all written down, from all of you, I can take my time to process it."

"Wh-who _else_ is going to write in here?" Kanji asks me.

I bite my lip. "I haven't decided for sure... But definitely you, Tohru-jisan, Big Bro, and Teddie."

"Not your dad?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

I laugh, even though it isn't funny. "Lately I get the feeling he knew less than me."

Kanji nods. "Yeah... You used to hang out with us—And—" He sighs. "Uh. _Well._ You were kinda involved with the stuff with Kanami-chan."

I nod. "When I did start to be like you guys, it didn't surprise me—Like it was how things should be." I hand Kanji the notebook. "Plus, he and I can always talk in person."

"Yeah," Kanji sighs. "You got it. I'll see what I can put down for you... It might not all be in order, but I'll do my best!" He grins, raising his arm still holding the knitting needles. "You got my honor as a man!"

I can't help giggling at that, knowing he's putting on a show to cheer me up. "Thanks," I tell him. "For everything."

"Yeah, of course!" He slips the notebook into his bag of yarn as Teddie skips back outside, carrying glasses of tea. He sets them in front of Kanji and I. "Thanks, Ted."

I nod in agreement and sip my own.

Teddie sits in front of us on the ground, smiling and watching as we drink.

"You've been more helpful lately," Kanji comments, draining the rest of the cold tea. "Is there something you want?"

"Me~?" Teddie asks, pretending to be offended. " _Nooo~_ I just want to help!"

"That's good," Kanji replies. "Keep it up!"

"Okay!" Teddie says, rising and looking excited. "Give me a _mission_!" he demands.

Kanji looks at me and shrugs. "Anything you need?"

"No," I shake my head. "I have to get home to do my work, that's all."

"Then your mission—" Kanji dramatically tells the other boy. "Is to play quietly until dinner!"

Teddie looks at both of us, aghast. " _...here?_ "

Kanji nods.

"No!" he complains. "I wanna go over to _their_ house!"

I look over at Kanji and shrug.

"Don't be a pain," Kanji lectures. "You eat all their food..."

"It's alright," I assure him, picking up my bag. "Bring a book or a game," I tell Teddie. He salutes me and runs back into the house.

Kanji groans. "I'm going to have to start giving you guys food or money or something, at this rate."

"It's okay," I say. "I enjoy having him around. And he wouldn't say it, but I think Tohru-jisan likes the attention, too. Teddie is usually happy. It keeps our moods up." I feel the corners of my mouth turning up without meaning to. "That's just how he is."

"Yeah," Kanji sighs. "He is a good guy. Just... _Big_ personality!" We laugh at that as the boy runs back out of the house, brandishing a shoulder bag stuffed with books and snacks and chattering on about what he will do first and who gets which snacks.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	31. Like Fire in a Drought (Watakushi)

Notes: In today's edition of Things You Should Know: notes on omiai, lighter tricks, and how I screwed up SMT magnetite. In order of appearance.

Omiai are marriage interviews. Like an arranged marriage, but you pick from candidates. The word includes the kanji for "to look at" as you sit across a table from each other during the literal interview portion. Loads of manga use them as gags where people's family members will drop off miai portfolios if they think a known single person has good public standing and/or is good-looking. Apparently they're a thing that DOES still happen IRL, which is kinda creepy... It'll have more importance later. I've been setting up a few good reveals—Some since Oretachi.

Lighter tricks—Actually a big thing in certain circles. If you've never seen any, look them up on YouTube! My brother used to know a bunch, and they're a good fidget habit for someone twitchy who carries a lighter. Cool-looking and dangerous.

So... I'm using magnetite as how Tohru can summon generalized SMT contracts. Looks like I didn't do enough reading before and noted you can use your blood. Ferrous oxide is RUST and would NOT be found in blood, but I like the challenge of working around it because it's from back in Oretachi and I'm trying to be consistent... It's just going to be a more 'traditional blood contract'-thing like you see in horror movies. I'm also fiddling with the idea of contracts—and for Mukidashite purposes, they can be super-specific.

* * *

Chapter Five: Like Fire in a Drought

(Ryoutarou _)_

 _Lunch went okay. Yamamura isn't that bad... Just grating._

 _One down and one left._

"Sakamoto," I knock on the jamb to the chief's office. My colleague's hunched over the old computer on his desk, folding his tall frame to get a better look at the low screen.

 _Might not be the best time... But I have to take off after._

He looks up from his work, brow creased. A sour expression decorates his face. "Dojima," he mimics, clearly aggravated by what's open on the desktop.

"I want to talk to you; set the record straight on a few things. Come with me unless I can smoke in here."

"You know you're not supposed to," Sakamoto sighs. "Newer laws about municipal buildings and all that—It's no longer a _request_." He leans over to peer into his oversized mug. "Let me get a refill and I'll update you on _all_ the latest from Tokyo!" The other man gruffly picks up his cup and pushes past me to the breakroom.

I nod. "I'll see you out back."

I walk right out the rear door and lean against the wall of the station. _If he's going to help me further, he should know how it is._ Sakamoto saunters out the door a minute later, carrying his coffee.

"Happy?" I grunt, shaking a cigarette loose. I light it and settle in to listen.

"Almost fifty and you're just now learning how to play well with others..." Sakamoto shakes his head and chuckles. "Keep it up like you did during lunch and I'll keep _you_ in the clear..."

He groans and takes a drink. "Because I'm assuming you haven't heard. This isn't in the _regular_ news—One of my guys just forwarded me this _never_ -to-press tidbit."

"What is it?" I ask. "Do I want to know?"

Sakamoto angrily shakes his head and sips his coffee. "The Naichou Domestic Chairman is currently running her first raid on the Kirijo Group..."

 _Oooh no..._

 _Fuck._

"Super!" I sarcastically reply.

 _Son of a bitch..._

"So I'd like to know— _for funzies_ —Would you happen to be _friendly_ with anyone within the Kirijo Group? Because _that_ would further complicate things."

I shake my head quickly. "No—That's an _honest_ answer." I tip my cigarette in his direction, hoping he knows I'm telling the truth on this one. "I know _of_ them, but have never been in contact."

"Because I hear our child genius has been known to trip over herself to rush to their aid."

"Shirogane-kun?"

"Ooh yes," he sighs. " _And_ I believe you _do_ know the _goddamn tyrant of a_ —Sorry; _sorry_... The ' _newly instated Chairman'_ of Domestic who's been practically _crusading_ against the Kirijos since uncovering some 'funny business' a while ago—" _I think his head is going to start loosing flames..._ "You know, the generalized _lack of evidence_ that got one of our own homegrown murderers a shortened sentence."

"Hoo..." I sigh, pulling out a second cigarette. _Not going to be a good day_. I light it before speaking again. "Look, Sakamoto. I appreciate you running interference for me in the past, but this one has got _nothing_ to do with me— _At all_. Not me," I reiterate, shaking my head and snorting a plume of smoke. "I'd just like the Chairman to stay the hell away from Inaba."

"Well," he grumbles. " _Hell_ of a job with that!" He sticks his mug between his legs to clap dementedly. "She'll stay _far away_ because there's nothing here she could possibly be after—Oh! _Right!_ There was that time you brought Adachi here and all. I'm sure she's _not_ still itching to get her claws in that nutbag and drag him back to Tokyo." He glares and sips his drink. "Yeah—She was _not happy_ her son was the lead on getting him out of incarceration—I'm _told_." Sakamoto's glare deepens as he waves his fist around for emphasis. "And by 'told' I mean _shaken down berated by_ several large MPs during a nationwide Public Safety Conference, as you'll recall. They had to postpone a lecture by a frigging hour after we'd all already sat down, because _I served as a demonstration_ of who not to mess with! Cuffed and dragged out for 'additional security measures'... That was _not cool_."

"Yes," I plead. "I know; _I know..._ Tell me what you need me to do... But I think we should just keep our heads down for now."

Sakamoto rolls his eyes and nods. "Yes. That's the _plan_. The news this morning simply made me want to reiterate our resolve to keep Inaba peaceful. _As a team that now includes Yamamura._ He's important: one of us. Don't make me explain it again."

"Mmn." I grunt, not wanting to fully commit until I know him better. "I've _also_ decided that I'm going to try and explain something, so can you bear with me?"

The other man nods and I reach for a third cigarette. Light it with matches.

After the first exhalation, I start. "You've got a family, yeah?"

He gives the expected answer: "You know I do."

"Mm," I nod. "You need all three, right? Your two kids and your wife to feel happy; content with your life." He dips his head a little, so I continue. "Consider one of them wasn't around anymore—I _don't_ necessarily mean they die—Maybe they moved. Went off to college. Got sick. _Anything._ "

"Okay," he cautiously replies, unsure where I'm going.

"Yeah... Yeah." I take a deep drag off the cigarette and let it go slowly. "You always knew them one way, and you loved them that way, right?"

Sakamoto nods, sipping from his mug and watching me closely.

"Well, what if they change?" I only pause for a beat, then continue. "They've changed and you don't particularly care for it, but you want to see if the them you love is still in there—You _know_ they're still in there, yeah? So, what do you do?"

"Uhh," Sakamoto thinks aloud, scratching his head.

I've got make this rhetorical, so I don't give him time to form a sentence. "You give them a chance, right?" I take a quick pull on the cigarette, trying not to get too antsy.

Sakamoto nods again. "Sure. I'd want to see what happens." He sighs. "That's reasonable. They're important to me, after all." He sets his jaw, maybe starting to figure out where I'm going. _But I don't think he really knows all of it._

I step towards him, challenging. "That's what it's like with Tohru."

Sakamoto's face pulls tight, needing a few seconds to process. _That I said 'Tohru' should be enough._ I toss my cigarette to the ground with the others and crush it under my foot.

And it _is_ enough. I can see it on his face when I look back up. "Ah—That is—" Sakamoto shakes his head in disbelief. "First name basis?" he raises his brows and jabs his finger in my direction.

"What would you say if I told you it's more than a 'first name basis'? _Has_ been for a long time." I back up and fumble to take out another cigarette, getting nervous.

"I'd say _you've lost your goddamn mind_ ," Sakamoto aggravatedly sighs, pushing off the wall to pace. I narrow my gaze to a glare, but wait, lighting the smoke. "For a lot of reasons. Not just the obvious."

"Sure," I concede. "For a lot of reasons it was a foolish thing to start. But that's where I'm at. And I know he'll pull through for me." I take another drag and hold it in. Trying to get myself to shut up for a minute. "And we've already done the heavy lifting, as _you_ spoke of earlier."

"You're convinced?" Sakamoto scoffs.

I nod firmly. "Look," I sigh. "I don't know what'll come out once he starts showing up in town—I just thought you should know... You know—So you heard it from _me_."

"I don't know what you want me to say..." Sakamoto heaves a loud sigh and sets his drink on the ground. "I'll just give you a general overview—So I don't get blamed for not throwing the effing book at you." He rolls his eyes when I snort.

Sakamoto holds up a hand and wiggles his fingers. "One." He jabs his index finger at me. "You were his senior. Two! He was a fucking kid and a goddamn murderer—Which brings me to three. _He's a murderer._ Four is easy: he's a liar—A liar who you've trusted with your kid on numerous occasions, and I'm guessing will continue to do when you come in for regular hours again next week—" Sakamoto pulls up short and squints, having lost steam.

"Run out?" I ask, aggressively stubbing my cigarette against the wall very close to his head. " _You repeated one._ "

" _Well,_ " Sakamoto sardonically starts, flourishing his hand before quickly poking me hard in the chest. "If you're going to _push_ me—This one is less PC, but do you want everyone in Inaba to know you're gay? I'm assuming you're not going to move... And word travels _fast_."

I glare at him. "Don't be a fucking asshole."

Sakamoto holds up his hands and shrugs. "I'm not the one—"

" _Enough,_ " I roll my eyes. "I think I'll live if I lose a few friends."

"Dojima—" Sakamoto makes a pained face as he complains. "You don't _have_ any friends who aren't me. You don't like friends. I mean—This isn't the most liberal place."

"Are you done?" I flatly ask.

Sakamoto considers, thinking for a minute. "Is this why you always turned down omiai?"

"No!" I grunt, getting angry now. "I'm _personally opposed_ to omiai. If I could _never_ hear that word again...!" I groan.

"Weird guy," Sakamoto mutters. "Turn down a bunch of normal women for a gay murderer..."

I sigh. _I know I'll hear that one a few more times._

After a stretch of silence, I glance over at Sakamoto. "We're alright?" I ask, not sure where we stand after all the arguing and posturing.

"Yeah," he replies. " _You and I_ are fine. Just try not to make my life too complicated, yeah?"

"Mmn," I snort. "Complication's catchy." I pat Sakamoto's shoulder and grin wryly. He returns the smile. "Alright. I'm going to go... I'd like to get home before Nanako and the kid. I'd rather head off any more trouble."

"Yeah—" the other man stops me. "About that..." Sakamoto begins. I turn back questioningly. "Kubo's part of a different jurisdiction—But they'll forward anything important to us now." He sips his drink again, hesitating. "I had to make a trade."

I huff. "So they know about Adachi?"

"It's not like _everyone_ knows. They promised discretion, but you know how is."

"Yes."

"I'd rather keep everyone safe and alive than under the radar, alright?"

"Mm," I agree and walk towards my car, wondering how the hell I went all the way from solving petty crimes to— _No._

No...

Even before the Midnight Channel Murders I was working on what was basically murder. My hand trembles as I reach out for the door handle, somewhere deep inside still loathing the act of driving.

But I don't think about it much anymore. _Got to keep my head in the present. Like Tohru said—I can't change what's been done._

 _Ten years is a long time..._

Hell— _Six years_ is a long time. And _that's_ how long I've been with Tohru. Focus on _that_.

 **#**

Tohru is sprawled on the floor reading a stack of _Jump_ back issues when I walk through the door, announcing my entrance and kicking off my shoes. I feel agitated, but soften when he waves me over.

I plop down next to him on the tatami, and drink the rest of his juice. He chuffs, which only makes me laugh and ruffle his hair.

"I want to get a job," he declares, apparently on the same wavelength as me. I don't say anything, so he keeps going. "But I'd need someone to bring me, because of the bracelet." He points down at his ankle even though it's off again.

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "I can be your escort—That's not a problem. But what would..." I carefully begin. "What would you want to do?"

"Dunno," he shrugs. "But I want to contribute and I know you're big on 'work ethic' and all that. There's gotta be someplace that'll take me! I just thought we should talk about it together before I started looking."

I nod. "It's a good idea. I'll see what I can dig up." I start to stand back up but Tohru grabs a handful of my shirt and pulls me back down.

"Wait—" he says. "There's something else."

I sigh and cross my legs. "What is it?" I ask, not quite concerned, but getting there because of his stalling.

He grinds his teeth and then come out with it. "I think it'd be a good idea to keep in contact with Kubo—Like _you_ said." I roll my eyes because I _did_ say that, but let him continue. "He reached out to me—" _Figures._ "And I'd like to find out if he knows anything. There are two options."

"Yes?" I prompt.

"I can either have him come _here_ , or I can meet him somewhere else. I don't know which you'd like less..."

I sigh and jab him in the side. "Tohru..." I shake my head, knowing this was going to be an issue—If not today then sometime in the near future. "I figured you'd want to talk to him. And I _know_ you're asking him about slipping you games," I groan, giving him the You're-a-Moron look. "It _is_ good to keep a network of informants, like I did say. _I_ don't want to deal with him..."

 _He did try to kill me..._

I fall silent, frowning; chewing it over. I see Tohru hug his knees to his chest and watch him think. I shift, uncomfortable under his open scrutiny.

"Alright," I finally acquiesce. "You're the point-person for Kubo. You can have him stop by when Nanako's not home—But you have to tell me when," I state, ticking off conditions as I go along. "Have him avoid the center of town so we don't have two of the Midnight Channel—" I stop myself from saying 'Murderers' with a groan. Midnight Channel Murderers: their official title. " _Men_ ," I try. "Midnight Channel _Men_ running around for everyone to gawk at."

He perks up and grins. "Anything else, _Sir_?"

I shoot him a withering glare for that one, but he clearly can't help finding it funny. He snorts, trying to hold in a giggle.

I sigh and place a hand on his arm, not wanting to go over the whole conversation with Sakamoto. I'll stick to the important points. "Sakamoto has to share information on you with Kubo's precinct, now. You should know."

Tohru nods. "As long as it's not hard for you or Nanako, you know I'm okay with people knowing I'm here. I don't see the point of hiding forever."

"Yeah," I breathe. "I know how you feel..."

I pause, knowing this will make him happy.

"I _told_ Sakamoto," I quietly tell Tohru.

"Really?" he arches an eyebrow, maybe not quite believing me. " _You_? Someone knows about _us_?" I can tell that he can't help smiling, even though he shoots me a suspicious look.

I nod. "How did the doctor go?"

"Went fine!" Tohru smiles and picks his magazine back up.

"You telling me the truth?" I question, nudging him.

Tohru nods. "Yup!"

I sigh. "You were in a shitty mood when he arrived. I'd put money on you chasing him away." I tap my foot, annoyed. "Don't lie to me. You promised." I take out a cigarette and he flicks on his lighter.

"He isn't important," Tohru tells me, playing with his lighter. "I don't have anything I need to tell him, so if he doesn't have any specific questions..."

I study Tohru's expression as I enjoy the smoke. "So I can ask him how it went? You're fine with that?"

His eyes narrow. "Completely."

 _He's bluffing—I'm calling._

"Alright then," I tell him and walk to the door. "I'll be going for a walk. Don't _trouble_ yourself; stay and wait for Nanako to come home."

"Okay," he evenly replies, knowing damn well what I'm going to do.

I put my shoes right back on and leave the house, flicking my cell open once I've locked the door. _Still not used to that..._

I amble towards the riverbank and fish the Aizawa's contact information out of my wallet. He picks up after two rings.

"Dojima-san?" the man asks.

I stub the cigarette out on the sole of my shoe and sigh. "Speaking. Do you have a few minutes?"

I hear a hesitant "yes", so I continue.

"I heard you left sooner than expected today." I pause, feeling my eyebrows coming together in a frown. "Do you think you could fit another visit into your schedule over the next few days?"

"...Yes?" is the response. "I... I have a few hours free tomorrow and I'll be nearby, if that works."

"Thank you," I reply, meaning it. "I'll make sure to be home this time to help things get going. In a positive way."

"Sounds good," Aizawa tells me, noting a time.

"Oh—" I speak up. "One more thing."

"Uh-huh?"

"Did Tohru mention anything about an injury? I asked him to."

There's a pause, then an obviously negative response. "I really can't say, but I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, if that's helpful."

"Mm-hmm." _Piece of shit._ "Thank you," I repeat and hang up.

I debate confronting Tohru on the walk back to the house, knowing he'll find a way to weasel out of it.

 _I'm not letting it go._

Tohru's not on the fist floor, so I climb the stairs. I'm betting he's in his room, goofing off because he doesn't want to know what I found out. I open the door and walk in.

He doesn't even glance at me until I sit down, pausing his game, but not letting go of the controller. I fold my hands over my knees and take a breath.

"So you like the completely excessive TV?" I ask, attempting to break the ice. The thing's gigantic—Bigger than his old one. _There was a sale and all..._

I suppose now that I know what it's really _for_ , the bigger the better.

The ice-breaker didn't work—His hand twitches, and his eyes flick around before focusing back on me. "You didn't have to buy me a new television," he firmly says, teeth clamped together and not quite mad, but...

I shrug. "You break it, you buy it, right?"

Tohru grimaces. "Heh... _Yep._ " He pulls in a big breath, closing himself off. "That's what they say." His mouth quirks in irritation.

I smile a little, worried he's acting off. I try another adage, wanting him to know it wasn't that expensive. "I got a deal, so no skin off my back!"

Then he goes a bit blank, thinking about who-the-hell-knows-what. The little bit of color he has drains from his pasty face and he gulps air.

 _That's enough of that... Not the reaction I was anticipating._

"Ah—Tohru?" I ask, leaning forward to snap my fingers in front of his face.

 _Back on track—_

"He'll be over again tomorrow, Tohru. He was able to squeeze us in," I say.

Tohru looks confused as he pulls himself back to the conversation, but then his eyes flash and he groans. "Oh, what _luck_!" he dramatically declares.

I roll my eyes. "Enough. You said you'd work with them to stay healthy."

He nods grudgingly. "I did say that... But it's so much _work_!" He smacks his fist on his leg. Then, more quietly: "I can't stand him."

"Why?" I sharply ask.

"Hmm," Tohru stalls. "Everything?"

"That's not an answer," I push back, hearing the harshness in my voice. I attempt to tone it down. "If you can tell me something more concrete, maybe we can fix it." I watch him fidget for a minute, giving me that blank face again. "Get back to me. I don't need to know right this second."

I lean back and start to pull out a cigarette, wait while Tohru puts down his controller to move to the couch to light it. I smirk and slide it back into the almost-empty box as he leans over, beating him at his own bizarre game.

Tohru huffs and flicks his lighter closed and back open, making the flame gyrate pell-mell. "That's cheating." There's the _confirmation_ that it's some weird game.

"How else can I get your undivided attention?" I sarcastically intone. I lock eyes with him, but he turns his head away, annoyed.

"Be direct?" he exclaims.

I sigh and kick my legs up on the coffee table. "I'll stay to get the conversation going, then take off. You'll be fine." He glances over at me, still spinning the lighter expertly around, flicking the flame on and off as if by magic. I smirk and take the box of cigarettes back out of my pocket. "I could go for a cigarette while you finish up whatever that is..."

Tohru's eyes dance mischievously as bounces the lighter off the palm of his hand— _lit_ —and then yanks it back before it smacks me in the face. He laughs nastily at my unamused expression, then holds it out to me for real, keeping it still until the cigarette catches.

I roll my eyes and smoke while he grabs his controller and scoots to the floor. He leans against the couch and I watch while his avatar zips by falling blocks and sheep and other preposterous shit as it climbs to the top of the screen. I see static flit across the picture and can't help jumping, edgy from the stuff everyone's filled me in on.

Tohru catches my reaction out of the corner of his eye. "It's just the game—I think," he yawns. "Crazy stuff in this one! I wouldn't be surprised."

"Mmph," I grunt, sharply inhaling a big drag.

Tohru turns around, pausing the game and _the damn television does it again_! He sees my face change and whips back around.

"Do you, uh, want me to check on it?" he asks me.

I nod, unsure. "If you can."

"Black Frost," he commands, and I see that snowman-demon phase in through the closed window a few seconds later.

"Hee ho!"

"Status report," Tohru demands.

The thing cocks its head, holding a hand to its face. "Feels normal, hoo! But... Hee..." it thinks aloud. Tohru nods, urging it to continue. "Something is restless, ho! In one of your worlds."

Tohru nods, looking lost in thought. _Then he stands and stick his head through goddamn the TV!_ I bite down on my cigarette, genuinely surprised when the upper part of his body disappears through the screen—!

The normally flat surface ripples as he looks in different directions, then backs out. "I don't see anything bad," he confirms, giving Frost a look. "It's not shadows? I didn't see any in my world. Is it one of the other places I told you to keep tabs on?"

Frost floats closer to the TV. "No..." It's eyes flit around the room as if it's not positive that's the correct answer.

Tohru shrugs and walks back to the couch. "I guess we'll find out if it contacts us. It's not supposed to rain today..." He looks over at the small demon to dismiss it. "You can go, Black Frost."

The thing reluctantly eyes the television, then floats through it—I suppose deciding to take a look for itself. I shake my head.

 _Will I ever get used to this crap?_

"If you want," Tohru begins without bothering to look at me again. "We can always jam the door locked."

I sigh and lean back, shaking my head. " _Yes, Tohru,_ " I sarcastically tell him. "Because it makes sense that something otherworldly from inside our TV wouldn't be able to get through a stuck door..."

Tohru hisses out a sigh and walks back over to the TV. "You trust me?" he asks, raising his eyebrows and smirking.

" _Yes,_ " I reply.

I watch as Tohru reached behind the television to pull out a folding knife. "Do _not_ freak out," he orders as he pricks his arm and yells, " _Naga!_ "

I forget I'm smoking and my cigarette tumbles into my lap while I gape. A red mist surrounds Tohru, solidifying into a mass, which becomes a tall snake-person who blinks into the room.

 _Wh-what the—_

I _think_ the word 'tall', but I really mean _fucking gigantic_! The thing stands taller than even Kanji—not including the extra 'height' of its doubled-over tail.

I pick up the still-lit cigarette and crush it in the ashtray on the table, shaking my head. _If this is supposed to make me feel safer..._

"Hello again, rain-bearer~" Tohru merrily calls, grinning and doing a little wave at the thing. It stares impassively, looking completely uninterested. "I need you to stay in here for a while and let me know if anything escapes from there," he tells it and points at the television. "Just keep it in here and send for me, okay?"

The thing folds its arms and nods, looking terribly bored.

"I know... Anything I can do _because_ this isn't specifically stated in our contract?" Tohru asks it in a placating tone.

The snake-person continues to stare, its tail twitching once.

Tohru squirms and taps his foot. "Ryou," he asks, in a strained voice. "How many cigarettes you have in there?"

I open the box. "A couple?"

Looking aggravated, Tohru takes the box from me and pulls one out. He uses the knife to cut it into three pieces, and places them upright in the ashtray after dumping the butts into an empty chip bag. Then he lights them. "Is this good enough?" he asks the thing.

I watch the odd scene with detachment; worried I should keep my presence unobtrusive.

Tohru groans and yanks at his hair. " _Yes,_ " he says. "I'll buy real incense tomorrow, _okay_?" He picks up his forgotten controller to close his game and shut off the TV. "Do you need to eat or something?" he asks, looking at the snake-person. No answer. "Well, we're off, then~ C'mon." He waves me out the door and closes it behind him.

"Tohru, what..." is all I can manage.

He sighs and shrugs. "Trust me—The other one is more powerful but _way_ temperamental! All this one asks for is offerings..." Tohru shakes his head and stutters a laugh. "I'll only call the other one if I'm in _big_ trouble..." I open my mouth to speak again, but am cut off.

"So—I'm going to need you to go out and buy a load of incense and a holder. You'd _think_ you'd have a home alter what with—A-anyway! Go out and buy that stuff—And a sturdy lock for the outside of this door. I'll hold down the fort, here!" He thump his chest and grabs my arm.

"Aah..." I vocalize, letting myself be led down the stairs. I pull on my shoes in a daze and am out the door.

I end up walking to town, passing Nanako and Teddie on the way out of my neighborhood. They call out to greet me.

"Hi, kids," I tell them, shaking my head. "Need anything from the store?"

"You could've asked us," Nanako replies, smiling.

"No," I say. "It just came up. Why don't you two keep to the first floor when you get back?"

Teddie give me an inquisitive look. "Why?"

I huff. "Ask Tohru. I haven't gotten my head around it quite yet."

They exchange a glance and hurry on.

 _It's going to be a long night._

* * *

Note: Thank you for reading and I'll see you all on Monday!

I had some health issues that made it impossible to write for a while and only have three more partial-chapters finished. I did bump up some of the larger-landscape teasing to today to make up for it, and this chapter turned out about twice as long as originally planned! I really hope you enjoyed it and please look forward to next week's installments~ If I put up five a week, we'll be finished with Watakushi in two more weeks... And I have an idea for another one already; hate how the ideas I can't fulfill to completion in this arc are bouncing around in my head. I'm thinking "Kazoku", the word for family, because we'll digress from canon even further and do a background check on everyone and their relationships... We'll see what I can stuff in to things left as canon footnotes—or totally not mentioned—neatly enough that it's within the realm of reason. Pushing the limits is the way to write, man!

Have a good weekend and thanks for the support~

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	32. The Paths We Choose (Watakushi)

Notes: "Kuma" is apparently a girl's name, if you're wondering why Doujima pauses to question if it's a good name for Teddie. And I KNOW I'm big on the Japanese terminology and stuff but I call him Teddie... I just LOVE the English pun(s). I've also had an epiphany at how weird it is that Persona uses "san" and "kun" and stuff, but then "Big Bro" and "Uncle". I cringed when it all started to click and I realized I'm three stories deep in inconsistencies...

I 200% subscribe to the theory on Daidara (and possibly Shiroku) having fought in the last shadow epidemic that settled on Inaba. There is a fifty-year cycle of fog that is mentioned by a towns-person in-game. I don't see why/how else a shop like the Metalworks could survive in a place like Inaba... Also I inexplicably ADORE Daidara—who definitely knows what the kids are up to. Maybe I can work him in better later...

Kanji and Rise is my favorite uncommon pairing. I refuse to call it a crack-ship because they have a great rapport—especially in Dancing. I KINDA want to set them up if the opportunity rises...

I didn't want to make this into a separate story, so please see the after-notes for more than you ever wanted to know about _koseki_.

* * *

Chapter Six: The Paths We Choose

(Kanji)

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, trying to organize my thoughts in Nanako's cute little notebook.

 _I haven't written a story or anything in a long time..._

But I'll do my best because she trusted it to me! I feel happy, but also worried that I'll screw up somehow.

I'm not alone for long, as my mom is also an early-riser. She's wearing a summer kimono and carrying the newspaper. "Good morning, Kan-chan," she smiles.

I sigh and look up at her neutrally. _No matter how old I get..._

She just laughs and takes food off the counter. "What are you working on so diligently before work?" Mom tries to peer over my shoulder and I scoot the notebook closer to my body. "If it's for the store I can help."

I shake my head and set my pen on the table. "No, Ma, that's not it." I scratch my head and groan. "Nanako asked me to help her with something, and I have to tell the truth, but also be careful not to piss anybody off."

My mom sits with her food and appraises me seriously. "You're so good to that girl, I'm sure you'll do splendid," she assures me.

I can feel myself bouncing my leg, getting worked up. "You know all of it's _complicated_ , right?" I snap, wagging my fingers to try and get her to see I really mean 'supernatural'.

She smiles warmly and starts on her pickled vegetables, looking like she's thinking the whole time she chews. "Well," she starts. "You need to do what you think is right. If you need my help, you know you can always ask. I'm a fairly accepting person," she smiles suppressing a laugh.

"You mean Ted," I grumble. "You don't buy it either, huh? That he _is_ a foreigner?"

She chuckles and covers her mouth. "I trust you wouldn't bring someone dangerous to live with us. However, I do wish he could've gone to school like a regular kid... Teaching him ourselves is difficult."

"That's not answering the question!"

"Dojima-kun set you straight, boy?" she smirks.

I nod, rolling my eyes. "A week ago, maybe. Does _everyone_ know?" _Am I just dumb?_

Mom smiles a kinder smile again. "I think most people are comfortable leaving well enough alone."

"Yeah," I give in and turn back to the notebook for a time. Mom eats in silence and watches me work.

I fidget, thinking of another question. "Hey Ma—" I start, and she looks up at me. "What would you do if you saw one of _them_ again?" I question.

Her reply is simple, and I can tell she knows I mean the killers. "I'd hope they've changed... Or I'd send my punk son after them!" she concludes with a laugh.

I moan, smacking the table. "No one will ever see me any different here?"

"Ooh, that's not it," she scolds, setting down her chopsticks to fold her hands. "I simply mean that I know you'll always step up if someone's in danger."

"That's true," I tell her, smiling. "Okay!" I shut the notebook, barely having gotten through the part about me before I got pushed into the TV. "Time to wake Thing Two," I grin and set off to put the notebook in a spot where a certain Bear can't get into it.

 **#**

It's a slow morning, and I spend it with Teddie, giving him tips and advice to improve his sewing and dying.

The bell jingles on the door and Ted drops his whole bolt of cloth to the floor with a clatter, zooming into the other room to greet the customer.

"Afternoon," I hear Dojima say.

 _—_ Or _not_ -customer.

"Hey, Ojisan," I call, dusting off and straightening out the stuff Teddie abandoned. "I'm in the back."

He strides through a minute later wearing clothes way more casual than I've seen him wear in a damn long time. He's got Teddie at his heels, buzzing around him and asking inane questions. Dojima reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose and close his eyes, sighing in exasperation—A movement that draws attention to his old injury. The scars extending partway up his neck are easily visible when he wears a tee-shirt.

"Down, Bear!" I chide Ted. He frowns, startled, but then continues yipping and yapping. "I didn't think you were coming by until later." I roll my eyes and shrug. "You wanna go grab an early lunch?" I ask Dojima.

"Souzai!" Teddie blurts. "I wanna go to Souzai~"

I exchange a look with Dojima and nods to the door. "That's good!" I exhale, smiling a strained smile. I pull out my wallet, looking for cash "Here's 2,000¥. Have a blast!" I pat him on the head and he bounces away.

The younger boy eagerly grabs Dojima's hand and takes off towards the other room, comically falling when the guy doesn't move. "Let's go~" he laughs, standing up and trying—very unsuccessfully—to drag the tall, solid man with him.

I sigh. _I figured if I he left willingly we wouldn't have to tell him to get lost…_

I run a hand through my hair, feeling a little bad. "Go and eat whatever you want, but you gotta leave him here so we can talk alone, okay?"

Teddie finally lets go of his hand and whines, theatrically stalking back out to the front of the store. I know we're good when the bell jingles as the door is slammed.

"So what's up?" I finally ask, taking a seat at the worktable. Dojima sits across from me, looking fairly unhappy. "You usually call first, so it can't be good... You look like you left in a hurry."

Dojima shakes his head. "I didn't want to leave the house until Nanako went to school. Something's weird with our TV, and Tohru doesn't seem concerned, but..."

"Ted doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, either. There shouldn't _be_ anywhere for something to hide." I tell him, sliding over a cup and pouring cold tea. "Besides, with the old pattern, nothing would happen if it wasn't raining."

"Tohru thinks someone or something is trying to contact us, but he couldn't find anything inside."

I glare, slamming the pitcher back down. "Inside _where_?" I demand. "I thought we sealed everything off!"

"I don't know!" Dojima helplessly yelps, throwing up his hands. "I don't know about any of this shit. Ask Tohru—This isn't the conversation I planned on having, but it's been on my mind all night. Couldn't sleep..." He groans and drinks the tea. "Tohru made me install a lock on the outside of his door, so we can lock things _in_ his room." The old man slaps a hand to his forehead, groaning again. "How goddamn nuts is that?!"

I shift in my chair, feeling stupid I never considered just locking the TVs up if I was worried. "That's actually a good idea..." I mutter, picking at a stain on the table. "Should we be doing that, too?"

" _I_ don't know!" Dojima grumbles. "No one tells me anything anymore—" He stops to glare at me. "Speaking of not telling me things..."

I raise my eyebrows, not knowing what's going to come out next. "What didn't we tell you? I tried with the TVs, man, you know I did!" I gripe. "It's not my fault you wouldn't listen..."

"The first thing I _wanted_ to ask you is about is completely unrelated. It's about Nanako. What's this about her coming to you for help all the time instead of me?" Dojima grumbles.

"Uhh..." I sigh and pour us more tea. "I don't know why... I guess I'm easier to tal— _Find?_ " I pause when I see him wince, even though I changed my answer. I shrug as I pass Dojima his cup. "What do you want me to say?" I drum my fingers on the table. "Sorry, Ojisan... I do my best."

"She's _my_ daughter, " he childishly sighs.

"You were..." I try to choose my words carefully. "You were so busy all the time. With the court dates, and visits, and _real_ work—And getting Adachi's shit in order. She didn't want to bother you."

He glares. "It wouldn't have _been_ a bother!" Dojima huffs in annoyance.

"Yeah..." I trail off.

"Just let me in. I need to be involved—You should've heard the crap she was telling me the other night. I'm worried she's too involved with all of us. She needs a normal life of her own. We all picked this... Mess..." He shakes his head. "But she should get what she deserves."

I don't bother to tell him she's more special than normal kids. He already knows... I think.

 _The only one without a shadow._

I wait to see if there's anything else, sipping my tea in silence.

He fidgets and sips at his own, only speaking when he's calmed down. "You're the only one who somewhat understands, and you're..." He looks angry as he says it. "You're my only _real_ friend," Dojima sighs, looking supremely annoyed. "I want your advice."

"Eh," I stall. _That's a real lead-up. I don't think I'm qualified for whatever's about to come out of his mouth next._ "About what?" I tread cautiously.

The other man smacks a hand to his forehead and groans. "I had an angry goddamn afternoon with Sakamoto yesterday," Dojima spits, looking pretty pissed again. "Trying to get me to be nice to Yamamura and then there's this _other_ stuff flying around..."

I scratch my head— _Shouldn't he want to hang out with the chief?_ "I thought you two were close? You can't ask him? And _shouldn't_ you get along with Yamamura?"

"Heh," Dojima groans. "We _were_ _friendlier_. Until Chisato died. Then I didn't care for the way everyone treated me and I distanced myself from most of them, and it wasn't the same... It's probably on _me_ ," he mutters. "And I don't think that guy understands a lot of things—His kids are younger than Nanako, too, so they aren't very close..." Dojima continues talking to himself, sliding down in his chair. "Kanji," he barks. "What do you know about koseki?"

It's then that the bell jingles again and I groan, thinking Ted's already spent all the money. I'm surprised when I hear my mom call out that she's returned. Dojima straightens in his chair and I tell her that we're back here.

"Good morning, Dojima-kun," Mom says.

"Good morning," he politely replies, holding up a hand.

Mom looks around the room. "It's quiet. The boy's out?"

"I sent him to Souzai," I tell her.

"And what are you two talking about?" she asks.

I glance at Dojima. "Koseki?" I tell her, trying to ask for _her_ help with my eyes.

"Perfect!" she claps her hands together—totally misreading my signal—setting down her bag, and taking a seat next to Dojima. "I want to get that boy proper paperwork so he can go to school or get a job. He shouldn't have to rely on us forever... He may want to choose his own path." She looks between the two of us. "What do you think?"

Dojima sighs loudly. "That would be nice," he agrees.

"Then I leave it to you!" Mom concludes, rising. "It's fine if I adopt him, right Kanji?"

"Uhh, yeah," I nod.

"Me—?" Dojima backtracks. " I wouldn't know how to—"

"If anyone can figure it out, I'm sure it's you, Dojima-kun!" Mom picks her bag up again, beating a hasty retreat. "Well I have to get moving..."

"Ma'am!" Dojima calls as she walks away. "I don't know how to possibly—" he trails off abruptly as Mom's clearly ignoring him. "She isn't listening," he groans.

I sigh. "She's had that in her head for a while, now... But I didn't think she'd pin it on you to get done."

Dojima holds his cup out for more tea. "You now owe me." I roll my eyes and give him the last of it. "I have an idea, but I'm not sure if..." He shakes his head, thinking. "Give me a few days to make some calls."

"Sure," I say, glad she didn't dump this on me.

"Back to _my_ thing," Dojima grunts, setting down his cup. "So you know how they work—Family registers?"

 _...Y'know. I really don't have a great feeling about this..._

"Wh-why?" I question, worried after having witnessed secondhand— _dammit Adachi I know what the hell I'm talking about_ —how a conversation about these things can take a bad turn.

"I'm thinking of adding Tohru to mine." His jaw is set in a way that looks like he already made his decision and is daring me tell him it's a dumb idea.

"Uhh," I repeat, choosing my battle. "Why now?"

Dojima sighs. "Well we've been together for almost six years. This way if anything happened to one of us, the other would gain hospital rights, inheritance, funeral rights, and de-facto custody of Nanako."

"Ooh," I wince. "I _definitely_ would not word it like that."

He groans. "I know. But these things are important to me— _Which—_ " He looks at me squarely. "Brings me to my next point. Would you be willing to hire—"

" _Nuh_ -uh!" I interrupt.

"To hire—" he tries again but I'm not having it.

" _No._ "

He rolls his eyes and talks through me this time to finish his thought. " _Hire Tohru,_ " Dojima demands, shifting in his seat. "Please," he roughly tacks onto the end.

"Why? I can't afford to pay him and don't really wanna hang around with him all day."

"He, ah..." Dojima scratches his head and rubs his bad shoulder, unsure how to convince me. "He likes you, you know."

"Wh-what?" I sputter, totally confused.

Dojima nods, straightening as he gathers steam. "Yes, he told me! He doesn't often say things like that, but he's happy you're in my and Nanako's lives. And I think it'd be good for him to start to reintegrate."

"Yeah?" I haltingly ask, _not at all_ okay with that plan.

He folds his arms over his chest and sighs. "It'd be good for him to get a job so later we can get someone else to hire him, for real. I'll reimburse you his pay, of course."

"I'll think about it," I give in.

 _It'd probably make Nanako happy—and frikkin' Ted, too._

"Thank you," Dojima quietly tells me. "I don't like the idea of him sitting around the house alone all day. It worries me."

I shake my head, annoyed. "Yeah _nobody_ likes that idea."

Dojima rolls his eyes and jabs his finger in my direction: a challenge. "Didn't we just establish that you owe me?"

"Oi!" I hold up a hand. "You can't cash in on that until Ted gets papers."

"He'll need a Japanese name," he counters.

"You know where 'Teddie' comes from, right?" I ask, surprised it looks like he _doesn't_ know. Dojima shakes his head so I tell him. "The English word for a stuffed bear—So 'Kuma' is fine."

"That's..." he starts. "He won't care—Alright. I'll put in some calls..." He pulls out his mobile and flips through his contacts. "You know Tarou's holding office? He sends me annoying little updates. He might be able to do something. That's all the pull I have, unfortunately—But I'll give him a ring."

 _That's not right..._

"What about...?" I start, but then cut myself off because he must've known. _Damn—Dojima is turning fives shades of red!_

He huffs and slams his cell on the table, punctuating each sentence with a THUMP. "I'm not doing this _twice_ in twenty-four hours! _No_ , I will _not_ be contacting them— _For anything._ All of you need to listen better!"

 _Ooh shit. He's getting way worked up..._

"And if it'll sink Tarou, that's not fair, either," Dojima continues, but he's ratcheting it down. "He's worked hard to get where he is from the bottom for a second time. If he can't pull it off, ask me again when Nanako is twenty."

"Okay," I agree, glad he has a plan.

Dojima nods. "As long as he stays where people know him, I don't think anyone cares."

I scratch my head. "Right. He'll be fine!" I pump my fist in the air enthusiastically, hoping to cheer him up. He chuckles at my enthusiasm, so I guess it worked.

We share a strained smile, looking towards the main store when the bell jingles again. It's Teddie, already talking as he clomps into the workroom, not even bothering to take off his shoes.

"Here," he holds out a bag to me and puts a paper cup on the table in front of Dojima. "I got you lunch, Kanji! And~" Ted spins in a circle, excited. "Coffee for Dojima-san!" He gestures to the coffee with a flourish. "Annnnnd~~" He reaches into his cargo pockets to pull out a can and a bottle. "Orange Smash for Nana-chan and Dokudami Tea for Aniki-chan!" he beams, proud of himself for spreading out the money.

I lock eyes with Dojima. "You work on getting that done, Ojisan, and I'll do whatever the hell you want."

The man frowns, accepting the coffee. "Thanks kid," he gruffly tells Teddie, trying to hide his emotion. The bear accepts it and takes a seat next to him.

"You'll come with me next time?" he pleads. "I never get to spend time with you..."

Dojima smiles a nice smile. "Sure." He reaches over to clap Ted on the back and the boy perks up.

"What?" I ask him, watching as he leans further into Dojima's personal space. "Oi—Knock it off."

"I was wrong…" Teddie sounds surprised as he says it. Dojima scoots his chair away looking thrown, but the bear leans in and pokes his bad shoulder and the man frowns. " _That's_ what stinks like shadow!"

"Huh?" I voice, confused. Dojima's face contorts into a perturbed expression, but he stays still while Teddie prods at him.

"Lemme see!" Ted demands, stretching his collar. "Does this hur—" he tries, but is cut off when Dojima hollers out an angry curse, glaring. "That doesn't belong there," Teddie states matter-of-factly and shakes his head, pointing to a smoother blotch then the rest of it. "Who fixed this?"

"Geez—The _hospital_!" Dojima grunts, looking shaken. "You can see here," he tells Teddie, pointing to what must've been suture marks.

The boy shakes his head and tries to explain what he means. "Yeah, but _that_ part isn't connected to _this_ part. There's a piece of shadow stuck in there—I think…" His face is puzzled as he backs up and walks around the room being antsy.

"Ted," I warn. "That doesn't make any sense. You _think_ or you _know_.?"

He doesn't come to a conclusion, just purses his lips and says he has to go make a phone call. "I'll figure it out and let you know when I come by later…" Ted's voice gets farther away as he races into the house.

"Well," Dojima shakes his head. "That's not _not_ disturbing."

I shrug. "I don't know what to tell yah. The kid _does_ have a great nose—For a human." I rest my chin on my hand. Dojima's still craning his neck to look at the spot Ted was prodding. "Car accident, right? Wasn't there a TV in the van?"

"Eeh," Dojima grumbles. "Not entirely…"

"Hmm?"

"It originally happened when I was blasted at Tohru's. I knocked over his television… And it… Explo—" Dojima cuts himself off, frowning. "Y'know." He folds his hands, looking angry and worried. "I'm saying it _aloud_ now and... Is it weird this involved a television?"

I shrug. "Things with shadows usually do."

Dojima narrows his eyes further and sighs. "TVs don't normally explode, do they?"

"I've only seen it once," I agree. "Uhh—You don't know about Marie, do you?"

"Try me," Dojima sarcastically replies. "She once disappeared from my house; completely vanished without opening a single door."

I scratch my head. "Yeah… She's a goddess. And when we sealed off her world, the TV we popped out of shot bits of screen at us and made a bang—It was nuts, man!"

"So," he exhales, trying to draw a conclusion. "You think something made the television explode?"

"Probably," I nod.

Dojima grunts and smacks his forehead. "Great! I remember zero of what happened from halfway through dinner on."

"Is there…" I start, trying to piece things together for myself. "Are there a lot of things you don't remember?"

The old man sighs. "Enough—I remember the important things, generally." He fidgets with the now long-empty glass. "I used to dwell on everything—and I mean _everything_ —you name it. I've learned that I'm happier letting a lot of it fall away as long things are working out now."

I nod again. _There isn't a right answer, and it's not my place._

"So!" Dojima rises. " _I_ need to get home and make sure I still _have_ a house." He smirks, looking more upbeat than a minute ago. "So if you want to see Daidara, let's get going."

"Okay!" I reply and call for my mom to relieve me for an hour or so. Ted still hasn't reappeared—Someone needs to watch the store.

"I haven't had reason to take a good look inside the Metalworks before," Dojima admits as make the short trip down the road.

I smile. "Most people don't," I tell him. "I don't know _how_ he's been around for so long."

We're almost past the shrine when we hear a sharp " _yip_ ". Startled, I turn towards the torii and catch a small orange head poking above the nearby brush. His ears twitch and he takes off through the gate. "Gotta make a detour, Ojisan," I tell Dojima, following the friendly fox.

Once we're off the main drag, he openly leads us to the offering box, yapping when he sits dutifully in front of it. I pull out my wallet and withdraw several thousand yen.

"You know, I'm not even going to ask this time..." Dojima mutters, shaking his head.

The money safely tucked into the locked box, the little guy walks away, returning a minute later with a few leaves for us. "Thanks," I tell him, patting his head gently.

The fox solemnly looks each of us in the eye before retreating to the overgrowth.

I shrug and walk back to the main road. We're silent until we step inside the dimly lit shop.

"Welcome," Daidara calls without turning around from the forge.

"Hi," I reply.

"Kanji-kun," the man says. "And someone else."

Dojima nods and steps forward. "Hello. I'm here on personal business."

The older man turns around and rests a knife on the stone shelf. "I see. Hope I can help you."

"We— _Ah..._ " I scratch my head. "The usual," I manage. "We're looking to get outfitted. First time in a while. He's," I point to Dojima. "Coming with us. Any ideas?"

"Ahahaha!" Daidara booms out a bit of laughter. "Is that so?"

"Y-yeah," I tell him, not knowing what to make of that. Dojima folds his arms, like he isn't too sure, either.

Daidara "hmph"s and begins walking around his slightly cramped store. "You need an upgrade, kid?" he asks me.

"Yeah."

"Yuki-chan was by yesterday, too. Thought you might come 'round." He selects a light-looking chain-mail top and hands it to Dojima, then picks up a few odds and ends. "Choose two," he begins to instruct, then pulls up short, frowning. "Wait, you—You don't have any abilities..." Daidara mutters.

"Huh?" Dojima asks.

Daidara turns to me and sighs. "We'll just boost his defense, yeah? What is it this time?"

"Heh," I grin. "Nothing major, right now. Just loose ends to sort out."

"Kanji," Daidara fixes his eyes on mine. "You kids broke the cycle. Don't go pulling something else over, eh?"

I nod. "Right. We'll take care of this and—"

"Do you _know_ something?" Dojima interrupts to gruffly question the blacksmith.

Daidara smiles sentimentally. "It's just a kinship these days. I haven't done more than make weapons in a _very_ long time..." Dojima studies the other man but backs off while Daidara chooses a charm and a set of bracers for him. "These will raise your skills and stats."

"And we're thinking a flamethrower! Can you find one?" I watch while Daidara adds it all up. "Anything else, Ojisan?" Dojima balks when I pull a few large bills out of my wallet. " _Team_ funds," I assure him. "We'd all chip in—Yuki-chan's had the leftover after all this time. We raked in a load..."

Daidara takes it form me and hands back the change. "I might have something useful at home," the shopkeeper replies. "Come by again tomorrow. And he can always use his gun—Or had that slipped your mind?" Daidara raises his eyebrows and grins.

Dojima sighs and takes a piece of paper out of his wallet, looking uncomfortable. "I do have a list..." he trails off. "Looking for different kinds of ammunition... For..."

"Don't beat around the bush." Daidara smirks. "I _know_ he's here with that Magatsu," the old man nonchalantly tells us, packing the armor into a box. When he's finished, he accepts the list from Dojima and scans it. "Still have that Nambu? I heard he altered it himself."

"Yes," Dojima affirms, shifting uncomfortably. "There were some things the police couldn't locate, and the little bastard told me he'd stashed away his guns somewhere no one could find them." _He's looking really pissed._ "I haven't found them all, but there are four handguns that I've cleared and confiscated—Though I gave them back after last night. He seems to be particularly fond of revolvers."

Daidara snorts and moves behind the counter to look in a bank of drawers. He stacks a few heavy-looking boxes on a barrel, opening them one by one and removing cartons. He repeats this until there are more than ten different cases of assorted bullets.

" _This seems excessive, Ojisan,_ " I remark, getting irritated.

I get a withering look from him and a bark of laughter from old man Daidara.

"You want it all?" Daidara asks before putting the boxes away.

Dojima nods. "I'll be getting this, Kanji. You've already taken care of more than necessary."

"You can earn some back by selling me the shadow parts you pick up," Daidara informs Dojima, retrieving a more heavy-duty canvas bag from the back. He loads it all up while Dojima pays.

"Hnn," Dojima replies. "That so."

Daidara smiles at us as he places an extra, loaded magazine in with everything else. His sharp gaze flicks to Dojima. "Your first battle is always the worst." He slides the bags and boxes within reach. "Do your best," he tells us. "It isn't about luck."

 **#**

I'm back behind the counter for the afternoon when I _finally_ get a call from Rise. I haven't gotten a definite 'yes' from her yet and it's been bugging me.

"Rise-chan! What's up?" I happily ask.

"Kanji-kun," she replies, her cute voice dripping with sarcasm. "Explain this to me _one more time_..."

I sigh. "I told you— _S'complicated!_ " I complain. "And you haven't been back in forever so you should come... Were you able to get the time off?"

" _Yes._ I'm only aggravated because this sounds like it could've been avoided. _Or_ settled a long time ago. I don't like the sound of a shadow running around all by itself for so long."

 _Can't argue there._ "Well, we're in it now. A-and Yuki-chan agreed!" I groan. "I don't want this on Ted, and Yukiko wants a navigator. Bear's already traumatized from seeing someone _die_ -die."

"It sounds nuts—Which reminds me! If Adachi _doesn't_ listen, as you've promised, I'm not going in there with him _ever again_." Rise clicks her tongue. "I'm arriving tomorrow night! And I'm bringing a surprise for you all~"

"Y-yeah?" I ask. "Let me know when you're almost here. I'll bring the other two to the station! It'll be almost a party," I grin despite her not being able to see me.

She giggles. "If you say so..."

* * *

Notes: _Koseki_ are the family registers you hear about from time-to-time. They have a LOAD of super-strict rules and are generally only allowed to native-ethnic (both are necessary) Japanese. The family head is the one who controls your koseki and can be male or female. Basic outline: koseki are lists of family members used to trace your lineage super-duper far back. Usually the oldest member of the family controls the koseki—usually the one referred to as the "family head". It functions as birth, death, marriage, and adoption records all-in-one. When you marry, one person (usually the female) has to remove themselves from their own family's koseki and add themselves to their new spouse's. Not-So-Fun-Fact: until recent years women had _no_ say in koseki and were basically equal to children. There has since been an amendment guaranteeing women equal rights to men; it's unfortunately also the basis of why there "can't" be same-sex marriage in Japan. The exact wording specifies male and female persons. But at least women have it better, in all seriousness! I did a research project on koseki a number of years ago and brushed-up recently. I did find out that as of June (of 2017), a few prefectures will be instating new policies, allowing the equivalent of same-sex marriages in those places. Right now, one partner must "adopt" the younger partner to their koseki to receive spousal rights, which is weird and only allows one (actual) child to be adopted to the family, as adoptions are restricted to two children for childless families. "Heir Adoption" is also still a thing. If a powerful family has no child, or specifically a son, they may adopt an heir—And there are even 'dating websites' for families to find heirs! Alright—I'll let up. I find this topic super-interesting, so if you have any questions or want to know more, do tell and I'll include it next time!

Thanks for reading and look forward to an enlightening and more actiony week for our characters~

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	33. Kizuna (Watakushi)

Notes: Kaasan is a slightly casual way to call someone 'mom'.

I keep posting later in the day this week... I'm still working to square things away for going into the TV. I keep having different persona/demon or plot epiphanies... And still haven't decided about the Teddie-ing-Thing; keep going back and forth. Kinda flying by the seat-of-my-pants this week! (This morning I deleted two scenes focused on demons aiding some of the characters. Ugh. More than two-thousand words down the drain...)

* * *

Chapter Seven: Kizuna

(Teddie)

Something is _not_ right—There shouldn't be any scratchies flying across TV screens. And there shouldn't be pieces of shadows in people who _aren't_ shadows.

"Kaasan?" I call out, entering the house. There isn't an answer, so she's either out or somewhere behind a closed door. I head for my bedroom, shutting my own door behind me.

I find blank piece paper and a pencil, and toss them on the low table in the center of my room. I write "shadow" in really good letters and draw a circle around the word. I scribble a chunk of black and draw an arrow to it. Then an amazing stick figure, and connect it to the shadow piece.

On my phone, I find the number for the Dojima house and call press 'call', hoping Adachi is home.

After a few rings, I hear a bored voice. "Dojima residence."

"Aniki-chan," I whine into my cell phone. "Did you do something _bad_?"

"...Teddie?" he asks. He sounds like he just woke up.

"Mm-hmm!" I nod, even though he can't see it.

I hear him whistle. "Great timing! Gimme your number."

"Oh good! Let's trade info~" I excitedly reply and tell him the digits. "Can I put you in as Tohru?" I ask, pushing my luck.

"Why not," _Tohru_ grumbles.

And I'm quickly forgetting the reason I called him...

 _It was..._

"Ah! _You!_ " I yelp. "Do you know how to put shadows in people?"

"What?" Tohru scoffs. "What the hell? Isn't it the other way around? Don't they _separate_ from people?"

I nod. "I thought so... But I smelled a piece of shadow and—Aniki-chan how do you heal? You told me you can."

"I just do," he snorts. "It takes a load of energy, though, and usually isn't that great..." Tohru sighs through the line.

"So it feels like you're not getting out as much as you put into it?" I ask leadingly, hoping to get him to prove or discredit the hunch I'm sniffing out.

"Well _yeah_!" he complains to me. "I expend _so_ much, but it feels like I don't get back nearly enough... Always such a _shitty_ job! And a damn pain..."

" _Bingo!_ " I shout. "No—Wait that's _bad_!"

 _I think I'm right._

" _Bad bad bad!_ " I holler. "That's how a _drain spell_ works! When you _drain_ something you heal much less than a regular healing spell! And you probably got something caught in the crossfire!"

 _That makes sense—_

 _Isn't good._

"What're you talking about, _brat_?" he grumbles.

"Aniki-chaaaan," I moan. "You need to tell him..."

Tohru laughs nervously. "What're you talking about, dumbass? Tell what?"

"What happened to Dojima-san!" I reply. "Since you've been back, something stinks of shadow, and I always thought it was _you_ I was smelling—But it's _not_! It's _him_! What happened? Why did it start when you came back?"

" _No!_ " he shouts. "I'm not telling him. It's over—It-it's not like it'll _kill_ him!"

I sigh. "It's probably causing the problems from yesterday. It's making something jumpy."

"No! It'll stop after we take care of his shado— _Stop it!_ " Tohru cuts himself off to yell at me.

"But I didn't..."

"Not you— _ngh_ —It keeps trying to talk to me." He groans and I hear some bumpy noises. " _My_ shadow. It's been really insistent lately..." Tohru gasps into the phone, trying to catch his breath. " _Don't tell anyone!_ "

"O-of course," I assure him, even though this seems like something _I really, really, really_ _need_ _to tell someone!_

"I don't want him to know—" I hear Tohru suck in a huge breathe, sounding panicky. "He can't know. He'll _hate_ me!"

And Kanji tells me _I'm_ dramatic!

"It was an accident, right?" I hopefully prod.

"Yes, but—"

"Then you should just tell him. And we should try to get it out..."

Tohru's silent on the other end. I frown, worried he's really upset. When he doesn't say anything, I talk to him again. "Do you want to tell me? For practice?" I pause, seeing if he'll answer. "Maybe we can figure out..."

"Fine," he snaps. " _Fucking brat!_ You'll tell him if I don't, huh? Just freaking get over here quick!" I hear him growl and then the line goes dead.

I save his contact info and shake my head.

 _It's okay if you need to blame me for making you tell. As long as you do the right thing..._

 _I can help you, too!_

I feel a little lighter when I emerge from my bedroom. I see Kanji's mom in the Japanese-style sitting room, reading a magazine.

"Kaasan~" I wave. "I'm going to see Aniki-chan for a while. Call me if you need me~" I smile as I put on my shoes, then hurry out the door.

 _I wish I kept the tea... I could've given it to him myself now._

"Aww..." My right pocket is empty except for a tissue and a receipt. And _those_ can't buy food...

"Hmm!" My left pocket holds my Dojima key and one coin— _500¥!_

 _...but I need that to buy popsicles for Nana-chan later. Aniki-chan won't mind, right?_

There are more people out now, because it's around lunchtime. I wonder what Kanji and Dojima are doing?

 _They didn't have to kick me out earlier... I don't get to see a lot of Dojima-san. I know he'd like me more if we got to hang out sometimes!_

 _But the only thing he thinks about is Aniki-chan! And maybe Nana-chan. And sometimes Kanji..._

 _But is there any room for a Teddie on his list?!_

 _Hnn. At least Nana-chan always wants to see me~ I'm never lonely because I have her! And she's the top of my list—So haha to the rest of you~_

I laugh to myself as I skip past the riverbank.

 _I can bearly believe she likes it that I walk her home. I could do a cartwheel~~ I like having a routine with her!_

When I'm finally in front of the Dojimas', I pull out my shiny new key. "Hello~" I call, turning it in the lock.

Tohru is there when I open the door. " _Hey,_ " he folds his arms, speaking in a growly voice. He's wearing shorts and an ancient police sweatshirt that's been cuffed like a billion times cause his arms are tiny.

"Pretending to be a criminal while dressed like a cop?" I ask, wondering if it's a game.

Tohru shakes his head and huffs. "No. I'm _angry_. This is comfortable and..." He pulls the hood over his face so I can't look at him as he moves so I can enter. "Just get inside, kid."

I walk through the door and hop over to the couch. It's just Tohru and I, so I take Dojima's seat. Adachi sits on the other end and crosses his legs underneath himself, looking mad.

"So what am I supposed to do?" he grunts. "Say 'I'm sorry I almost killed you and somehow stuck a piece of shadow in your arm?' That'll go over great~" He lets out a high-pitched laugh that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Why? Did you mean to kill him? Was it dangerous? Did something attack? Were you trying to protect him? What did you fight?"

" _Argh!_ " Tohru moans. "One at a time! And _no_ ," he firmly states. "I didn't know what the hell I was doing. It—it just happened—Things kept escalating and I was having a hard time staying in control of myself—And I was never able to do anything like that over here before _and_ —"

I nod, trying to make sense of his story.

"He _said_ to!" he spits. "He said I _should_! And then it was—" Tohru clutches his head. "No! Go _away_! I won't—" He grunts and shrieks. " _Fuck_ off! _Go away!_ " I move closer, peering at him arguing with himself while he pants and gasps, yanking his hair. He moans and claws his head, then finally looks back at me, his eyes needing a minute to refocus.

"Was that your other self?" I ask, scooting even closer so I can pat him on the arm.

Tohru nods, grimacing. "It keeps trying to pop back in. Like he knows I'm getting weaker— _Desperate._ "

"Why are you getting weaker?" I ask, thinking he looks the same.

Tohru's eyes dart back and forth across the room. He snugs the hood of the sweatshirt over his face again. "Because I like it here," he quietly tells me.

"But that's _goo_ —"

Then his snaps back and I can see his eyes change, looking as if they get darker. " _Get fucking lost—!_ " He cuts himself off by ramming his fist into the side of his head in a way that looks like it would hurt. I flinch, worried I should call Dojima. "Don't—He _won't_ come out—And I need the power."

"O-okay," I say, even though I don't have a clue. "So what happened?"

"I was trying to tell you—It was the first time anything from over there worked out here." Tohru's eyes are bright again, looking into mine. "I don't know—No..." he stops himself, grimacing and baring his teeth. "I _do_ know. I don't want to admit it."

I nod for him to go on when he's ready. Tohru sighs, drawing his knees to his chest.

"It was my shadow. It wanted me to reject everything... I-I didn't want to—And I know you can use a persona and abilities and stuff over here if you have enough power or the right conditions." He shifts his eyes away from me and looks down. "I was boiling over inside. It was so intense—" He looks like he's pissed _and_ going to cry. "The shadow gave me a nudge and I accidentally loosed a zio."

I gasp.

So _that_ was it!

"I-I threw him in the TV right after—So I could _fix_ it!" Tohru's eyes are dropping tears, but I don't think he knows it. "I did it _wrong_ —or something—Nngh! _You_ said I used the wrong spell! I-I-I screwed up! And I couldn't fix it. _So I lied._ " He leans his chin on his knees, frowning. "I told him he was so drunk he smashed my TV. It _is_ something he'd do..."

Tohru sighs shakily. He grabs the sides of his head and groans. "It didn't even _sound_ like a lie! He was always so worked up and drunk it played right into what I said... I can't tell him I lied _now_! He wouldn't—" his eyes widen and he looks scared.

"What?" I ask a little too loudly. "Is it him again?"

" _No,_ " Tohru shakes his head and laughs bitterly. "If I tell Dojima—what if he makes me leave. He should _hate_ me—For so many reasons— _I don't want to!_ " He hides his face in his knees, scrunching up as small as he can. He chokes out the last part—" _Don't make me do it!_ "

He's making some screechy noise that _could_ maybe be crying.

"I'm not gonna make you!" I declare, standing so I can pat him on the head—er, hood. "And he's _not_ going to hate you! That's not how Dojima-san is! You just gotta explain it!"

" _It's my fault!_ " Tohru moans. "I think it's why Ryoutarou gets so many headaches. And he has some other memory issues—The others were saying... I ruined _everything_!" He starts wailing again and it's still not quite crying, but definitely chilling and _sad sad sad_!

"Come on," I softly tell him. "You don't know if you don't try. Wouldn't it be nice if he forgave you?"

Tohru keens and grabs at his head again. " _Nooo!"_ he spits. "That would be bad, _too_! How can you forgive someone for almost _killing you_? And now _he's_ saying he put the shadow piece in there so it would come take care of my mess—That I would _screw it up again_ and if I let him take over I don't have to do anything and it'll— _Dammit!_ "

 _I don't know what to do..._

If Tohru wants to keep it to himself there isn't much I _can_ do. I sit back on the couch next to him and silently wait for him to calm down.

"Then what will you do? He'll probably find out when you all go into the TV in a few days..."

Tohru rolls his head towards me and sighs. "I don't _know_." He looks so unhappy. "Everything is going to change..."

"It would've changed _anyway_!" I retort. "We're not the same after we face our shadows. We're stronger— _We're_ _better!_ We're more accepting." I lean forward, trying to get him to look up at me. "You should _try_ and tell him before—Then it won't be so bad if he does figure it out..."

Our conversation is cut short when we hear Dojima call out as he opens the door. I sit regular on the couch and Tohru peeks out from the sweatshirt, eyes practically glowing in the dark room.

"What if it goes wrong—Like mine?" he whispers before snugging his hood again.

"What're... You two... _Doing...?_ " Dojima stupidly asks when he sees me sitting patiently next to Tohru all scrunched up. He's weighed down with a bunch of stuff, and is just setting it all down on the table when I decide it's time to go.

I squeeze Tohru's arm and tell him the only thing I can. "It _won't_. Kanji and the others will support you!"

 _I should let them talk..._

"I—I gotta run, Dojima-san! Sorry! Bye-bye Aniki-chan! Call me if you need to~" I blurt and run for the door. I don't want to give anything away that isn't mine to tell.

At home again, I hang out with Kanji's mom while he does the afternoon deliveries. We play cards until Kanji comes back and tells us to get back to work.

Thankfully it's almost time to head to the middle school. I stop at a store near the main gate and pick up two Topsicles, hoping they won't melt. I stand under the big tree because I love the shade and hold the icy snacks by the bags so I don't make them turn to juice quicker...

I bounce from foot to foot as the usual kids come out first, a few greet me because they live near us or know me from when I worked at Junes. Two girls from Nanako's class look like they're heading right fo—They _are_ coming to talk to me!

"Good afternoon, ladies~" I say to them. I don't know their names, but they talk to Nana a lot, so I should be nice in case they're friends.

They look at each other before one replies. "Who _are_ you?"

 _That's a little rude..._

"I'm Teddie!" I smile. "I'm Nanako-chan's friend~"

"Are you her boyfriend?" the other one asks me.

"Hmm," I scrunch my nose. "I don't think so. Just a boy who's a friend!"

The same one again: "You're always here. Why else would you hang around with someone quiet like that when you're so _loud_."

"She's my best friend!" I say, catching a little bit of whine in my voice. "I'm _loud_?"

They snicker. " _Yes_ ," the first one tells me. "And a foreigner, right? Is that why you don't go to school?"

"Yeah!" the second one picks up the thread immediately. "My sister said you _never_ went to school but you were always with the older guys."

 _So? Is that bad?_

"I-I don't know," I reply, shaking my head.

 _The popsicles are gonna melt..._

"You shouldn't hang around here if you don't go to our school. At least stay at the gate like the _other_ visitors." One of them says and then they hurry off, laughing about something.

 _The popsicles are gonna be juice..._

I look back at the gate, unsure for the first time if I should go out there.

 _But then what if she can't find me cause I move?_

 _I don't want her to be upset..._

"Teddie!" Nana's voice finally breaks into my thoughts, reaching me.

I look over at her and hold out the smushy food. "Th-the Topsicles..." is all I can say.

"Huh?" she asks, cocking her head. "Oh, I'm sorry! I can buy more if you want!" She smiles guiltily and takes them from me, attempting to open one anyway. It spills over her hands and she laughs nervously. "Sorry I ruined them..."

"No—It's okay!" I rush to reassure her. "I just wanted to bring something fun. We can throw them away." I zip behind her to take wipes out of Nana's bag so she can clean her hands.

She smiles at me when I walk around again. "Thanks," she says.

"Y-yeah!" I reply. "Of course."

All cleaned up, we pitch the trash at the door of the store and she buys another round for us. I know I'm quieter than normal while I eat, but the stuff those girls said is bugging me.

"Some of your classmates talked to me today," I finally try to tell her.

She frowns. "Which ones?"

"Uh... Girls," I remember. "Two. I've seen them before but I don't know who they are."

Nanako sighs and I don't like that. "Did they bother you, Teddie?"

I shake my head super-quick. "No! But I didn't know I was supposed to wait for you outside the gate. Did you get in trouble?"

"What?" Nana asks me. "You don't have to—That's really old-fashioned and the school knows who you are, so it's no problem at all." She throws away the rest of her food, looking a little angry. "They said that, huh?"

I nod, nervous. I pitch my stick and rush to the door, suddenly wanting to go home—er—to _her_ home where everybody likes me and I won't feel like I'm causing trouble anymore.

"You're so jumpy today, Teddie," Nanako sighs, grabbing my hand to slow me down.

I glance down at our hands and _should_ feel happy, like I always do, but I just feel more nervous.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	34. Surrounded by Fools (Watakushi)

Notes: It seems like most Persona characters aren't aware of the specific arcanas or where they themselves fall. But the protagonists must know, as they gain new arcanas and personas/fusions when they social link. For Mukidashite purposes, everyone associated with the Velvet Room knows, as well as the Fools (including Adachi). He's had five years of "free time" to think on it and explore more about personas and demons. It'd make less sense if he didn't know.

Style notes... I like to keep parts that are all the same person speaking together, but I ended up breaking up Tohru's "monologue" because it's punctuaitonally confusing. That's the phrase I'm sticking with.

And meh. I'm worried it's barely passable as B-Level dialogue and drama, but I'm pretty committed to seeing this storyline through... I DO love Arakawa's quote about B movies being the best... But I KNOW I ain't no Arakawa...

* * *

Chapter Eight: Surrounded by Fools

(Ryoutarou)

The supplies we got from the Metalworks are heavy. I should've brought the car, but I thought the walk would do me good.

 _I heard my phone beep a while back... A text from a number I don't have saved. Maybe if I read it..._

I fumble the boxes to take my phone out. It reads: 'I'm bringing an overdue surprise for you and Nanako-chan!' and there's a face next to it.

 _...Nope._

I have no clue who it is; could be any of the kids. I reply asking what's going on and put my cell away.

 _And_ it beeps again almost immediately. Why doesn't anyone just call anymore?

'It's Rise~ We'll cheer you guys up!'

I sigh as I reply: 'Don't go to trouble.'

 _They all mean well, but every time I think things can't get more tangled, one of them 'surprises' me._

While I have the device out, I should phone Tarou. His number is saved, so I bring it up and press enter, raising the cell to my ear.

 _Straight to voicemail._

"Hi," I begin. "This is Dojima. You've told me to ask if you could ever help. I need a favor, if possible. The boy who says he's a bear—Would you be able to, ah, ' _find'_ his documentation? I believe he's a member of the Tatsumi family: Tatsumi Kuma. Spelled like "bear"." _What else would he need to know?_ "Hmm... He's... Sixteen? That sound right? Anyway, get back to me."

I hang up and put my phone away. It dinged two more times, but I'll get it later.

The house is dark when I arrive. I squint and can just make out the silhouettes of Tohru and Teddie hunched over on the couch. The boy panics and runs to the door almost immediately, throwing apologies behind himself.

After he boy runs outside, I kick off my shoes and set the packages on the table, then make my way to the couch. I set the drinks on the low table. "He got that for you, you know," I tell Tohru, pointing to the tea.

Tohru quietly stares at it, looking shaken. "...I like tea."

"I know," I nod. "It was nice, yeah?"

He nods, still not unfolding himself from that balled-up position. "Is there anything you want to tell me?" I ask, concerned it could be something new, but also intuiting that Teddie was asking him about me.

Tohru shakes his head a little, but doesn't move. I sigh and sit on the couch next to him.

"What is it?" I ask.

His shiny eyes study me. It's not just his position, but something about him seems more guarded and _off_. When I reach out to place my hand on him, Tohru jumps backwards.

" _Don't—_ " he groans and I pull back.

His volatile attitude. The way he's pushing me away.

" _Shit!_ " he sputters and grabs his head.

" _No you don't!_ " I shout. "This feels too much like—"

 _I can't say it._

Tohru's eyes shine in the darkness.

"We're not—"

I draw in a breath and calm myself enough before trying again. "You're not running away this time. _Tell me_ ," I demand.

I watch as he curls further into himself, craning his neck so his head is even tucked behind his knees a little. Sick of this shit, I grab Tohru by the sweatshirt and yank him to a normal position. " _Sit up and look at me, goddammit!_ "

That seems to snap him back to reality. He's upright, but continuing to look at me with so much distrust. "Have I _ever_ given you reason _not_ to trust me?" I forcefully question. Met with another stretch of silence, I can feel myself getting worked up. "I _always_ believe you— _you_. I always, _always_ open up to you and tell you how I'm doing; tell you if something's wrong; tell you the _truth_! I _don't_ shut myself down. And I can see it written all over your face—But I will _never reject you_. So you need to tell me _what it is that's so goddamn awful before it blows up in your face again!_ "

We stare at each other for a long time, neither of us speaking. _Just glowering, glaring so hard that if looks could kill..._

The doorbell rings, making the both of us jump. Tohru glances at the door, but doesn't make a move. I sigh and stomp over, knowing this is going to be _great_.

"Hello, Aizawa," I greet the poor guy.

"Hi," he replies. "Excuse the intrusion..." The man slips out of his shoes and walks to the dining room table. "Can we get some light in here, please?" he asks, looking around.

"Yes, sorry." I turn on the kitchen light and open the curtains to the sliding glass door. _That does make it feel much better in here._

"Water?" I ask the doctor. He shakes his head 'no', so I stand awkwardly for a minute, unsure what to do about Tohru. "Ah," I gesture helplessly to the couch.

Once Aizawa has finished taking out Tohru's papers, he finally notices the other man has curled back into a tight, little defensive ball. He has his arms hooked around his shins and his head buried in his knees, not looking at any of us.

Aizawa glances at me with wide eyes, as if he doesn't know what to do, either.

 _Great._

 _Great..._

 _Back to me._

I sigh and walk back over to the couch, unconsciously reaching for a cigarette. When he hears the rustle of the box, Tohru does poke his head up again, but stays otherwise still. "You wanna light this for me?" I ask him, spinning the tube of paper between my fingers.

Tohru narrows his eyes into a glare. I move to sit next to him and stick the end in my mouth.

The lighter is in front of me so suddenly I can barely see the cigarette catching. "Huh?" I balk, registering it only after I start pulling in smoke.

Tohru turns to Aizawa. "What if I hurt somebody—a long time ago—but I never told them."

"Are—Are they still _alive_?" Aizawa questions, unsure in what capacity he's being asked to respond. Tohru nods, so he chooses an answer. "Do you want them to know?" the other man patiently asks.

Tohru shakes his head this time. "But they have to..." he trails off, still looking away from me. "I ruined everything _._ I think somebody made me hurt them, but _I don't know_ —It _could've_ just been me." I can hear him suck in a big gulp of air; can see his body jump a little with the motion. "I can't tell—I can't remember who was in control—" He stops speaking to smack himself in the head and Aizawa twitches in concern, but lets Tohru carry on. " _He's me_ , so it was me, right?" It comes out pleadingly. "I'm the one who did it—And then— _And then—_ " he cuts himself off abruptly again to clamp his hands over his ears.

 _It feels like a knife twisting in my gut—I know what that feels like by the way. I don't know what to do to make him feel better. Whatever it is, I can't do it for him, nor can I tell him how to make it right._

Which strikes me as odd, considering _I'm fairly certain he's speaking about hurting me._

 _But he doesn't feel dangerous_ —Never has.

 _Is that part of the problem?_

I take the ceramic dish off the low table to ash my cigarette, then decide better and stub it out completely.

 _I'm done just sitting and watching._

"Tohru," I call out to him. He twitches but doesn't turn to me. "You don't have to tell us _who_ , just tell us _what happened_ in a way that's intelligible—In a way that makes sense. Can you do that?" I contend. I'm ready to give up and crack him a good one out of complete, absolute frustration when—

" _My—someone_ — _he_ —" Tohru groans and chooses the first word. " _He._ He wanted me to do something—I wasn't sure if I _should_ because I've had problems with _self-control_ in the past—But I _wanted to_ —And I—" Tohru groans.

"I was told to—to... To push him into an exposed wire and I _wanted_ that because it sounded like fun—And then it bit down on him and he almost _died_... When I tried to fix—When I tried to bring him to a safe— _to a hospital_. Then the other guy threatened me that he would take someone else I cared about so I pretended I didn't hear and—All this time— _Like I didn't hear—_ "

Tohru pauses, covering his ears, and Aizawa tries to interject. Tohru quickly cuts him off to continue.

"Then my _only real friend_ —the only person who's ever just _given_ to me while wanting _nothing_ in return—got tak— _got sick_. They got so sick _they died_ , and only came back because I turned myself in to _help_ —And I thought that would be enough and I could just go away but—But _no_ — _No._ The guy had to come and tell me that _he_ — _a fucking idiot_ —Why would he lov—Like that could happe—Who woul—" He yanks on his hair and says this last part so desperately it hurts to listen. " _I almost killed him!_ "

Tohru clutches his head and shakes for a moment, then he finally, _finally_ raises himself and looks at me, challenging me to tell him he's wrong. " _Nothing is ever good enough. I will always want more—and more—and more—until I ruin everything._ That's what I _do_!"

"Oi, Tohru!" I say, sliding closer to him. "What did I say earlier? I'm still here." I grunt and pull him into a half-hug even though his doctor is here and it's uncomfortable. To his credit, the other man doesn't act like he's even noticed; sitting at the table and scribbling away.

Tohru's eyes are still bright and daring, like he's waiting for me to yell at him and tell him to fuck off, even after all these years. " _Don't..._ " I sigh. "It's over, yeah?" I wait for him to nod slowly, and then I squeeze him with my arm. "Then it's over; it's _done_ —If I really needed to know, there were so many times I could've asked, so many hints that I should've—" I sigh. "I didn't want to bring it up, either." He's still guarded as he regards me, but shares a small, thin smile. "If you needed to say something, you _should've_ —You need to tell me things." I poke him and he frowns.

"That was good of you to share," Aizawa commends Tohru, breaking into the moment.

"I agree," I concur. "I'm glad you were able to tell me that."

Tohru glances suspiciously between myself and Aizawa. "Can he _go_ now?" he begs me.

I roll my eyes and look over at Aizawa to see if he has anything to add. "That's alright," he tells us. "You did good today, Adachi-san."

"Thanks, Aizawa-san," Tohru mumbles—And it's not lost on me that he used a more proper title than usual.

I stand to let Aizawa out, but Tohru has my wrist in a death grip. "Give me a minute," I murmur to him, and his eyes flash, but he lets go.

I shut the door behind the doctor, lock it, and heave a sigh. Tohru is stretched out more than before: his knees are still up, but his back is straight. "Feel better?" I ask hopefully. He nods. "Then what time is your next _appointment_?" I grumble, a touch of sarcasm lining my tone as I know it's Kubo.

"Soon." Tohru sighs. "Sit with me," he demands.

"Do you want to watch TV?" I ask, not thinking. He shoots me an astonished look.

"Old habit?" I shrug and sit down next to Tohru, flicking the TV on anyway; curious if the raid will show up in the headlines— _If they found anything._ I take Tohru's hand in mine and caress the back with my thumb while I watch the latest zip by on the ticker lining the bottom of the screen. He pulls out his phone to read his own brand of news while we wait for his copycat.

I hear a faint noise and turn to the source—The front door is unlocking.

 _Kubo doesn't have a key. And it's too early for Nanako and Ted._

"Hello~" a high-pitched voice booms, as someone both strange-yet-suspiciously-familiar waltzes in.

 _A woman in a blue dress. Platinum hair. Piercing yellow eyes similar to Tohru's._

"Wh-who are _you_?" I question, jumping to my feet. Tohru throws out his arm to stop me, and I shoot him a look.

 _Does he know her?_

"Hmm," the lady thinks aloud. "It sounds like a joke! 'A Fool and a Hierophant walk into a bar...'" After a pause she laughs, finding her nonsensical statement hysterical. "I am Elizabeth! We have never met, but I know you—and you... And I once more find the changes happening to the people in this town _intriguing_!"

Tohru snaps his fingers. "I remember you! I saw you during the Tournament—With Rise."

"Yes, I believe you did." Elizabeth sits on the edge of the dining room table and flips through a large, old book. "Hmm. I sense two more presences; one contracted and a ronin... However, the one I seek is you, Fool." She closes her book with an audible _thump_ and points at Tohru. "You do not have a Wild Card, yet you wield multiple Personas. How is that?"

I cock an eyebrow, surprised Tohru isn't angry at being insulted. Instead he grins, a triumphant expression settling on his face.

"I contract directly— _Times are changing~_ I've been approached by several demons." Tohru looks more confident than I've seen in a long time, as he stands and walks closer to the blonde woman. "I'm unrestricted by a contract bound by _your type_."

Elizabeth's yellow eyes bore back into his with equal avidity. "Well I would like to learn more."

Tohru smirks. " _Would you?_ " he questions. "And what would _I_ get out of it?"

"My!" she giggles. "I usually find myself on the other end of such bargains."

"Well I don't come cheap, lady—You don't get _anything_ in life for free."

The woman smirks knowingly this time. "You can bank it. I'm handy in a battle~"

" _Really?_ " Tohru replies, stretching out the word. "And I suppose I could just _call_ you?"

"As if from thin air," Elizabeth nods gravely. "Poof!" She mimes an explosion, then extends her finger. "But one time only."

"And what do I have to do?" he asks.

"It's very simple," she scoffs. "You fight me—Throw each of them at me so that I may see how you work together."

Tohru nods. "Done."

"I can see that you've currently got your hands full..." As Elizabeth stands and ambles to the door, she throws back one last remark. "Another Fool will rise soon—I'd hoped to meet her, too. For now—Ciao!" When she exits, we see the door close on its own and the bolt return to 'locked'.

I shake my head silently and collapse back down on the couch.

"That one does whatever the hell she wants," Tohru tells me, laughing. "But she isn't dangerous."

His flickering eyes and nervous chuckle tell a different story, so I raise my eyebrows at him. "Though if she were, well good luck to us!"

I let out a long sigh. "Super."

* * *

Notes: Tomorrow I'll be posting early! I'm leaving on a business trip am a bit ashamed to admit I don't own a laptop—Only an ipad and desktop. So I'll write write write on the way, but will have trouble posting. I prefer editing in a regular ol' word processor. (Also my eyes are going again... Need new lenses... Tablet screen smallll!) So I can't post until Friday night, when I arrive back.

Now, I've been leading up to and working on the shadow confrontation for a damn long time! It's not slated to be posted until next Monday, but I'm hoping to push it out on the weekend and then start the wrap-up chapters on Tuesday. It's called 'Due Duality' and I'm only halfway done, but it's ALREADY over 5000 words... And that's after I cut several scenes because I keep changing the plan. When I post Friday I'll put a note on how close I am to being done (ie Saturday or Sunday).

As always, thank you for reading and sticking with me through this—er—novel? It's basically a novel at this point, and has been a super-fun journey~ I appreciate any thoughts!

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	35. Learning (Watakushi)

Notes: Here's a lot to chew on while I'm away! This chapter has DEFINITELY been the most fun to write for Watakushi! I've been really looking forward to the actual shadow confrontation... But there are some super fun parts in this, and those are kinda my favorite.

NEWS! Today I'm OFFICIALLY adding the Nanako/Teddie tag! It's kind of been building in that direction, and I think Nanako knows and is cool with it, and Teddie's figuring it out—He'll get a push tomorrow from somewhere I find semi-unexpected. Let's see how it turns out! (Because the scene referenced in today's chapter I'm now redoing tomorrow's! DON'T EVEN CARE. NO REGRATS! WORTHIT! OMG GONNA BE BEARIFFIC!)

[***And FYI don't be concerned: I'm not writing explicit stuff about them and seriously you even think Ted knows what that literally means? lol***]

* * *

Chapter Nine: Learning

(Tohru)

The next visitor is planned, but the knock at the door still makes us jump. "I got it," I assure Ryoutarou, walking to unlock it myself this time.

 _Heh. Made me a good trade, but I don't like how powerful she is..._

I open the door to a sullen Kubo. _At least this one I can take fairly—Or overpower._

"Hello," I say, holding up a hand.

 _Goals—What can I learn and how much can I trust this one?_

The kid gives me a forced smile and steps inside, kicking off his ratty sneakers. I hear the glass door slam and know Ryoutarou went outside. _Easier for me._

I lead Kubo to the living room and press mute on the TV remote. He places a large paper bag on the table and I hand him the cash.

"Thanks~" I say, slapping on a smile. "Knew we could work something out!"

Kubo eyes me warily. "So what's the situation here?" he asks, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.

I take my time inspecting the games he brought me before I answer. _Let him wait._

"Well," I dramatically sigh. "Some of us retained our powers—Though I'm guessing you _didn't_." Kubo nods, looking peeved at that. _Good._ "We're tying up some loose ends right now—Private business... But I'm hoping when it's over we won't need to bother with all this again."

 _That's probably not true. Hasn't been the pattern thus far..._

Kubo seems to buy it. "Okay," he says. "So what's the story with the little shadow?"

"He was trying to get my persona to reawaken—Said it's better to keep it for protection." _Mostly true._

"I see." After that comment, he's quiet for a while, just watching me tear into my new stuff.

"You, uh, play any of these?" I ask.

 _He just keeps staring like he wants me to talk or something._

Kubo nods. "Yeah. You'll like the new Danganronpa. I played it straight through on a weekend..." The corners of his mouth lift in an bitter smile. "You know how it is—Nothing else to do."

"Y-yup~" I catch my faltering and turn it into a happier sound at the end, showing off my practiced smile again. "So boring around here!"

"Hah, yeah," Kubo agrees. "Don't know why I came back..."

I scratch my head, genuinely unsure how to reply. "We-well," I begin. "You know what they say—The devil you know and all that!"

He smiles a tired, but more honest, smile this time. "Yeah."

 _And I feel like maybe I get him a little bit—_

 _Hmm..._

 _Damn—Do I really want to?_

 _..._

 _I do..._

"You like any multiplayer games? Like Tekken or rhythm games and stuff?" I ask, trying to sound offhand. Kubo nods. "Then come back sometime when it's just me, okay?"

"Sure," Kubo replies, sounding a little more like a kid. "But why do you hang around with the cop anyway?"

"Ehh," I reply, toying with the charger. "Friendships are weird..."

Kubo chuckles—He really has a deep voice. "Tell me about it! Well, I'll head out then... Let me know."

"I will," I say and mean it, feeling my own expression turning more real. I follow him to the front door to lock it. Then I rap on the glass door to let Ryoutarou know he's gone before I plug in my new system.

"Happy with yourself?" he asks, grinning at me as he walks back inside.

I grimace, feeling guilty for being friendly to Kubo. "I think so."

"Good." Ryoutarou takes a seat on the couch and opens a book while I take the plastic wrap off everything.

 _Then—Out of fucking left-field—_

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" he asks me.

"With you," I forcefully form the words without even thinking. Then I consider what else to add. "Here... With a job?" I scratch my face. "Yeah! That sounds good~" I laugh uncomfortably.

He gazes at me. "Mm-hmm. What about in ten?"

" _Years?_ " I can feel myself start to sweat—Don't have an answer.

 _I know I said I'd try planning more, but..._

 _That's a fucking long time!_

Ryoutarou nods his head sincerely and I try to form words. "Eeh—Er— _Same?_ I mean... If that's _o-okay_..."

 _Dammit—Now I feel self-conscious. I just had to make it sound like I was asking permission._ I hiss out a sigh and look over at Ryoutarou to try and guess what he's thinking.

He looks pensive. "Yes..." he tentatively replies. "Ah, maybe we'd move, but..."

" _Move?_ " I question. "Move _where_?" I wouldn't have thought of that.

"The house is a bit big for two people," he remarks.

I shrug. "I guess. How long do you think Nanako will want to live at home?"

Ryoutarou frowns and shakes his head. "I don't know. Most move out these days. And—" he grinds his teeth, looking away and clearly trying to spit something out. "I th-thought you might want us to pick our o-own house."

"Y-yeah?" I ask, scratching at my head. I suddenly don't know what to do with my hands. His freaking shyness is catchy sometimes. I squirm, inching closer to him. "I'd like that," I honestly tell Ryoutarou.

He smiles and slings his arm around my shoulders, pulling to lean on him. I feel myself smiling a little, too. Like there's 'happy' spreading out from my core. I can't say I've had something quite like this before.

I glance up at Ryoutarou, knowing it's because of him. He stares back, a question behind his eyes—As if he's not positive I like his idea.

"I want that," I murmur.

He grins and kisses the top of my head, a gesture I find annoying so I try to squirm away. Ryoutarou just laughs and holds me tighter. I grumble and halfheartedly struggle because he always finds that funny—Me trying to get away—As of there's somewhere else I'd rather be—

But I wouldn't tell him that.

 _And I think at this point he knows._

I get pulled into a hug that's pretty one-sided cause I can't hug with my _back_. I sit there and huff, feeling like some animal that's been picked up wrong.

Of course that elicits another chuckle, which makes Ryoutarou start getting touchy. He slides his hand underneath my sweatshirt and rests it on my side like all he wants is to be able to touch me.

 _I like that feeling, too. Like being around me is a privilege. I don't care of the rest of the world is shit if I can feel like I belong all the time._

I lean back more, and tip my head up, letting myself _look_ needy instead of just feeling like I want everything— _Need everything_.

I don't like this showing. It feels _too open_.

 _Like I have nowhere to hide._

Ryoutarou can read my face well enough and returns my dark expression with another of his new smiles—One of the ones that looks like he's satisfied and not just a ball of unhappiness that's simply _less angry_ for one moment.

He loosens his grip on my so I can turn around and lean up to kiss him. I can see he's still smiling with his eyes as he returns it, lightly pressing a hand to the middle of my back to pull me even closer.

Soon I'm leaning on him more than I planned, practically pushing his head into the top of the top of the couch. I move to back away, but Ryoutarou only snickers and sits up straighter.

"You're _fine_ , Tohru."

I feel my mouth quirk into a frown, knowing it hasn't always been 'fine' when I move without thinking.

He clears his throat. "You, ah, want to..." he tails off.

 _Sure I 'ah, want to...'_

I smirk and move in for another kiss, reaching down to touch him. He lets out a groan and fumbles his hand under the back of the sweatshirt, suddenly in a rush to just get it _off_. I can't help laughing at how soupy his mind goes when I so much as touch his bottom half, even through his clothes.

Then I have to hold my arms up because he's yanking it over my head whether I'm in the right position or not. I roll my eyes and snicker while he rips off his own shirt.

I smile sadly, running my hands over his shoulders. "Sorry," I mutter, sighing.

He shrugs, grinning crookedly and locking eyes with me. "You're telling the truth this time?" I nod, unsure where he's going. "I pushed you... _It's alright._ " He says the last part so gently I feel like my heart's smashing.

 _Why do you always make me feel these awful, weird emotions?_

 _I don't like them._

 _I don't..._

 _I do..._

 _But they hurt_ _._

 _All you're doing is slowly rubbing my back and telling me '_ it's alright' _and I feel like my insides are seizing up._

I try to fall back to sit on my feet, but he doesn't let me go. Ryoutarou sighs contentedly and hoists me forward to lean him and I don't want to. I don't deserve it.

" _Oi..._ " I hear him say. "Stop it—Don't do that... _It's okay—_ I love you..."

I let out a sharp noise, and squeeze my eyes shut.

 _Too much to think about..._

"—o I _don't_."

My eyes snap open. " _What?_ " I whisper, shocked.

Ryoutarou yanks me away as his eyes search the room, trying to find the source of noise, clearly not realizing that—

" _It's—!_ " I yawp.

He looks back to me and shakes his head, muddled half-words dying at the back of his throat—Looking like someone slapped the shit out of him for no reason.

"—ot tru—" We both freeze as the words come in and out, sounding like someone pissed yelling through a bad connection. "— _ying_! You're n—me."

Ryoutarou digs his nails into my back and I sit completely still, straining to listen better. "Wh-where is...?" he quietly asks me.

I nod, placating, and hold a finger to my lips.

"—ould _never_ —a—"

I shake my head—

 _And how does he not hear it?_ "It sounds just like—"

" _—iece of shit like you!_ "

Ryoutarou gulps air. "That's _me_!"

"Not good," I mutter and jump to my feet. We don't hear it again, but I pace the room, thinking. Ryoutarou quickly puts his shirt back on and throws me mine.

 _'Naga,'_ I concentrate. _'What's it like up there?'_

 _'Only me. But there was a disturbance. Someone speaking.'_

 _'...need me. You need me. YOU NEED MEYOUNEEEE'_

I shake my head and sharply box my own ear, trying to get rid of the useless noise.

 _'Sorry. That was definitely from inside?'_ I ask.

The inference kicks up again, an unabating screech—

 _'EEEEDDDDDMEEEEEEEEEE'_

 _'Yes.'_ Naga.

 _'Okay. As long as nothing comes out, we're good.'_

 _'YYYYYOOOOOUUUUUUUNNNNEEEEEEEE—'_

"Urgh! Shut up!" I crouch down and smack my head again.

When I climb back to my feet, Ryoutarou is next to me, looking concerned. "Tohru...?" he asks, nervous.

I wave him off. "I'm fine. It's nothing... And nothing's coming out. We're still good to wait till tomorrow."

 _'A hand!'_ I hear Naga gasp.

"Whoo," I sigh. "Fuck! Maybe I spoke too soon—" I dash up the stairs, with Ryoutarou at my heels. I rip the lock free, yanking on the door an instant later.

Inside my room, Naga is waving his spear at a large, human hand. It looks like it's trying to grab onto something— _anything_ —for purchase!

I dive for the couch, tugging my favorite Nambu from underneath. I'm back on my feet in an instant aiming at the _familiar_ hand.

"Let it go," I yell, and Naga backs off, changing its stance to defensive. "Black Frost!"

 _'...eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee...'_

The demon leisurely rolls in through the window as the noise fades out again. "Ho!" it squeaks. "Hooo no!" He shakes his head. "It really _won't_ be a shadow for much longer, hoo..."

"Huh?!" I gawk, completely lost. "What does _that_ mean?! How could—" I pause, squeezing off a round at the television and watching as it gloops in, making an unearthly sound as it passes through the 'screen'. The hand stills for a beat, then slams itself down on the bottom of the window, trying to pull its body through. "But that's—" I shake my head in disbelief. "Can it _get through_?"

Black Frost shakes his head, floating closer and pointing to where the hand is struggling, veins bulging. "Can't pull itself up, see-hee?"

I walk closer to the TV and grit my teeth together, knowing my face must look grim.

 _That hand.._.

"You didn't mean _my_ worlds." My eyes flick between Ryoutarou and the small demon. "You meant one of _our_ worlds..." I grunt and gesture to myself and Ryoutarou.

"Hee," it vocalizes, sounding irritated. "As I said, ho!"

I tear my gaze between Ryoutarou the demon—Can see both look anxious. " _And_ you said it's not a shadow because..." I hold my hands on both the side of my head, trying to concentrate.

After reaching a conclusion— _a bad conclusion_ —I turn back to the TV and motion behind my back for Ryoutarou to leave. He does, but doesn't close the door all the way, standing still and trying to listen in.

"You two stay," I order and chuff, stomping around while trying to form a plan.

I exit and _do_ close the door all the way this time, sliding the lock home. I grab Ryoutarou's arm and drag him into the bathroom, shutting the hallway door and walking all the way to the shower room; closing that one as well. I pace for a minute, aggravated and unable to stop aggressively scratching at my head.

I turn to Ryoutarou after calming down a little. "We've got a problem."

He nods, concluding that was the case.

"We need to move on your shadow ASAP. It's changing." He tentatively nods again, not knowing what that means. I wave my hands around, trying to articulate something. "Don't go in my room again. We'll keep it locked from the outside and I told you—Nothing that big could crawl out of the tiny TV downstairs, so we don't need to worry about that one—Though it can _listen_. So don't say anything important... Anywhere _near_ a TV, really."

I yank out my mobile to shoot off a text to Nanako and Teddie, saying to keep their yaps shut about _absolutely everything_ when they're in the vicinity of a television.

"Anything I can do?" Ryoutarou nervously asks.

I huff, pacing and grumbling. "Well I _was_ going to have you watch some of the tapes, but I don't want to show it my hand..." I thump the wall. "We _really_ have to wait until Saturday?" I demand.

"That's what Kanji said," Ryoutarou reminds me.

"I'm giving him a call," I growl, finding his contact. He picks up on the first ring. "Bad news central!" I sarcastically spit.

"Adachi," he moans. "What now?"

I start pacing again, unable to stand still. "It's trying to get out of the TV. We should move _now_. It's trying to change itself—We shouldn't wait."

"Huh?" the boy asks me, lost.

I groan loudly. "It's reacting to the— _It's a long story!_ " I snap, holding my head. "In short, Teddie was right— _Also it's trying to be like Teddie_." This is so complicated! "Argh! It's trying to find the piece stuck in Ryoutarou and I think—" I cut myself off as I hear the voice in my head get louder again, roaring at me.

 _'YOU THINK? Idiot! I told you it's the piece I smartly jammed in there! Just let—'_

"Okay! Was _definitely_ me," I admit, getting better at tuning it out after getting what I needed. "And that's _definitely_ what it's looking for."

"You can't hold it off till morning at least? Yuki was _insistent_ —"

I can't help roaring at Kanji in my frustration. " _It is trying to get out of the goddamn television for fucks' sake!_ Have _you_ ever seen that before—A hand reaching out of the TV? _It's like The-Godforsaken-Ring but with a full-grown, muscular adult who will literally tear me limb-from-goddamn-limb!_ " I pause for a second— _seething_ —and not receiving a response. " _No? Nothing?!_ " I stop again to catch my breath. "Well then if we're waiting, _you_ can get _your_ goddamn ass over here and help out!"

"He doesn't have to..." Ryoutarou starts, looking guilty.

" _You_ shut up!" I wheel on him. Ryoutarou backs away holding up his hands and I sigh and try to swallow my anger—Need to bite it back so I can speak clearly. "We might need the help."

"Ah," Kanji mutters. "I can be there in an hour—I need to work till then. That gonna be all right?"

"Sure!" I grumble, jamming the 'end' button. "...Sorry," I absently mumble to Ryoutarou. He rolls his eyes and pats my back. "This is bad... Let's take this party downstairs. They'll be home soon... Lot to do..."

 **#**

After dinner and bringing the others up to speed, I tap Nanako on the shoulder. "I've got to talk to you about something."

She nods and we slip out the front door and amble into the yard. _I've got another hunch—And I've got to let her know._

"Wait for me!" I hear as Captain Chatty rushes out the door behind us, looking less upbeat than usual. He's been furtively glancing at Nanako all night, looking like he's waiting for her to yell at him for something—And by 'furtively' I mean 'obvious to everyone else'.

"You might be helpful," I grudgingly admit, eyeing the boy. I fold my arms and look at the kids. "At least Ted knows Elizabeth, right?"

The boy nods eagerly. "She's super helpful! Super bear-liable!" He breaks out in his first grin of the evening. "Did you see her?!"

"Well yeah," I reply. "That's the only thing I haven't told you yet..." I turn to Nanako. "Has anyone strange approached you? Like with yellow eyes? Or lookin' like an albino?"

"No..." She shakes her head, confused.

"I don't think she knows Elizabeth," Teddie tells me, holding up his hands. "But you'd like her, Nana-chan! She's really funny!"

"Oh yeah!" I snort. "Real fucking laugh riot... She barged in today and we nearly crapped ourselves! Unlocked the door with her fucking mind and walked right into the damn house!" I grumble. "She mentioned something about 'another Fool' and said it was a 'her'—That she'd 'hoped to meet her', like she thought she'd find this person in the house, too."

Teddie's eyes practically pop out of his head! "It could be Nanako! _It could be Nanako!_ Like Sensei!" He's still cheering and waving his arms around like he doesn't know how to react, but like its something that needs a lot of energy.

"Geez! Yeah... All right all right!" I brush off his over-excitement and turn back to Nanako. "It could be really good for you, _or it could be a fuckload of trouble_!" I grab the boy's head to make him stand still. "That's why I was trying to tell her _calmly_. Good job, Bear!" I groan and scratch my head.

"Why would it ever be a _bad_ thing?" Teddie asks, clueless.

"And what does that _mean_?" Nanako breaks in, not entirely in the know.

I sigh. "Well if you go about it the right way it means there's something you'll need to fix or to stop. Angry humans and gods on rampages... You know by now most of the stuff with your cousin—He had a hell of a time... It was..." I trail off. " _Y-you know!_ " I spit, flustered. "Taking care of everything."

 _—Everything I fucked up._

"That's fine," she earnestly tells me, shrugging one shoulder. "I'd like that—Protecting my town like Big Bro!"

"Nnh!" _This is exasperating!_ "Just make sure you know what you're doing—Talk to your stupid cousin if you have to. _Just make sure you have all the information._ "

I sigh to myself and walk back in the house. I can't do anything if she's already practically made her decision— _That whole family so frigging stubborn!_

The living room reaches new levels of _uncomfortableness_ after that...

Ryoutarou and Kanji are rolling out futons on the tatami, and there are pillows and blankets on the couch... I thought Kanji was gonna put theirs down here and _we'd_ stay upstairs...

 _Oh boy..._

"We're..." I start, and the two men look over at me. " _All_ sleeping down here?"

"Go sleep in _your_ room if you got a problem!" Kanji barks.

"Have you _seen the size_ _of a naga_?" I grumble.

Teddie is already bouncing off the walls, jumping around the room. At least someone's happy. " _It's like a sleepover!_ " he exclaims. "I _love_ sleepovers! Couch! _Couch!_ " he hollers.

"Nanako gets the couch," Ryoutarou admonishes, not even bothering to look at the kid.

"I can share!" the boy foolishly declares and I can't help bursting out in a laughing fit.

 _He's gonna get decked before morning..._

And _now_ Ryoutarou's looking at him— _Like he's going to fucking murder him._

Teddie doesn't even bat an eye—Can't be bothered to notice things like people reacting to him in a bad way. He just goes ahead with his plan and sticks pillows at both ends with a blanket in the middle—Throwing everyone else's pillows to the floor without a care. "I'm a good guard-bear!" he proclaims.

Kanji collects the other pillows without otherwise getting involved. Guess he's at least smarter than _that_.

"That's fine," Nanako yawns. "I do feel safe with him around." She climbs on one end of the couch with a book.

"But— _But—_ " Ryoutarou splutters, losing ground before he can even speak. Teddie's already rolling the fourth futon back up to toss it into the other room. It's a sloppy mess, of course—But it isn't like _I'd_ do any better.

I snicker again, choosing the futon left in the middle. I slide it closer to Ryoutarou's and kick Kanji's away when no one's looking.

It's too quiet. I can tell the kids are getting tired... Teddie's head keeps drooping and it makes Nanako giggle. When he finally announces that it's his bedtime I roll my eyes—I'd seen it miles away.

"I'm gonna fall asleep..." Teddie yawns loudly. "G'night~"

We all tell him 'goodnight' back. I see him nudge Nanako with his foot.

The boy beams and says one more specifically to her. "Goodnight, Nana-chan! Sleep well~"

"Thanks, Teddie," she smiles really nice and kind at him. "You, too."

He taps her foot excitedly. "I love you~!" he happily tells her, his bleary face looking like it's going to explode from emotions nonetheless. "I love _all_ of you!" he addends, looking at each of us and sounding like he means both statements truthfully— _But five-hundred percent in that specific order._

"I love you too; we all do," she easily replies and laughs. And he's all smiles as he lays down and nestles under the blanket. He's out like a light—I'm not exaggerating when I say that I don't think it takes even a _minute_!

But his honesty and truthfulness make me more alert. I feel uncomfortable— _Itchy and worried inside._

Nanako marks her book and snuggles under the sheet, too. She looks content...

 _That he's able to so innocently—yet so honestly—say something like that and mean it! And completely spur-of-the-moment, from the looks of it!_

 _I can't do it at all..._

 _And he's only been alive for a little over five years!_

 _It's..._

 _...Really..._

 _...Amazing._

I shake my head: suddenly very, _very_ jealous of the dumb-but-seemingly-charmed boy. When I look at the others' reactions, not even Ryoutarou seems fazed to have heard him say it so openly—Which surprises me because he usually gets irritated when the kid is so clingy to his daughter...

 _But you know..._

She _could_ do a load worse! He's one of the most— _no, he is the most_ —caring, truly hopeful, and determined people I've ever come across. He's genuinely who he is—Doesn't need to work at being nice or understanding. _He just is._

 _I wish I could be more like that..._

 _To think that I could be so implicitly trusting and downright happy-go-lucky about more things and people—_

 _That it were easier for me to express how I feel in a way that can be understood so simply—_

 _In a way that isn't awkward and doesn't to be clarified._

So Nanako and Teddie do indeed sleep toe-to-toe on the couch—They're out before eleven. And fuck—I've never heard such a skinny kid snore _so loudly_!

And Kanji and I have decided ourselves—through ' _discussion_ ' _—_ that the rest of us will stay up all night to be on the lookout. Together.

 _Kanji doesn't trust me._

 _But I'm not leaving this to him._

 _If Ryoutarou fucking falls asleep on us, forget the shadow I'll freaking kill him myself..._

Of course after about twenty minutes of silence, Ryoutarou doesn't even try to pretend he's staying awake. I lay on my stomach, playing one of my new games while Kanji pretends to read and _not_ be interested... But _I_ see him sneaking looks when it makes dramatic noises. I try to hide my smirk and see him frown.

"I can get something from upstairs, if you want~" I glibly chant.

" _I'm fine,_ " the punk replies, sticking his head further into whatever crap magazine he's pulled out now.

I set down the game. "Uh- _huh_. Don't fall asleep, now~"

"Shut up, Tohru," Ryoutarou mumbles. "At least _try_ to get along..."

That makes Kanji throw me a shit-eating grin. I glare.

 _Not having that!_

I turn the volume up loud enough that he can hear _everything_ , but not too loud to wake the kids who are further away or get yelled at by Ryoutarou—Who's maybe going a little deaf. I enjoy it until the battery dies. Then I huff and crawl over to the wall to plug it in again.

When I finally look around, I notice that now the kid's knitting! And Ryoutarou's completely out. And now there are _two_ _people snoring like fucking foghorns_.

 _I could wake someone or badger Kanji._

 _Choices..._

"Picked up any _new_ hobbies yet?" I gibe at Kanji, knowing _he's_ mostly just bluster. "I thought knitting was for old grannies~"

"It's crocheting, _dumbass_ ," he rebukes me.

I shrug. "Am I supposed to know the difference?"

Kanji shoots me a look, but doesn't reply.

 _He's more patient than he used to be. That's no fun..._

 _And now I'm bored..._

I sit quietly and watch Kanji form a cylindrical shape with the yarn. "What're you making?"

"A bear," he replies after a time.

"But it's red..."

Kanji glances up, a sharp look in his eyes. "So? There a law that say bears can't be red?" he challenges.

"Whoa~" I hold up my hands. "Just asking!"

"Nn."

 _..._

 _..._

 _Quiet..._

"So _why's_ it red?" I ask.

Kanji sighs, slipping the hook out to tie it off. He glances at the kids. "I wanted to use some of the yarn Ted dyed. The color's too uneven, but he tried hard. So I'm making him a bear." He shrugs. "He does his best."

"Yeah..."

"You be nice to him," Kanji chides. "I mean it. I know he was over here earlier helping you. If you hurt any of them I'll _beat the crap_ out of your ass." He says it in a tired voice, but I know he means it.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah..."

"I'm serious. We're working together now, but I don't see a reason to trust you."

"Not even that _they_ trust me?" I gesture to the sleeping people.

Kanji looks pensive, as though he's trying to gather his thoughts. "Did you do it?" he asks me. "Did you kill those two guys in your block?"

I feel myself tense. "And why would you think _that_?" I defensively reply.

"Gut feeling," he admits.

" _I took care of myself—_ That's all I'll say."

The boy stares me down. "Don't pull that shit here, okay? Give me your word as a man."

"Sure," I laugh. "But I've been doing well, haven't I?"

Kanji shakes his head. "We're not even through the first _week_ of your time back and we're already camped out in the friggin' living room to make sure nothing comes to attack us. I don't want any more of this crap."

" _Technically_ it's Friday now— _That's a week~_ "

"Ooh no!" Kanji hisses. "This started the other day. You don't get to call it a week."

I wave my hand, like it's beneath bothering with. "All the same to me..."

"I'm telling you it _isn't_."

"And _I'm_ saying you're wrong~"

"Hoo..." Kanji grumbles, placing the bear's body on his futon. He stands to get a glass of water. "You can go to sleep, Adachi. I've got this."

 _No way. I wanna know what the monster in my head's thinking..._

"It's not a big deal!" I smile and fold my arms behind my head. "Like a sleepover, as Teddie said~"

"Sleepover in hell..." I hear him mutter.

I cup my hand to my ear. "I he~ard that~" I sing a little too loudly.

"Shut up..." Ryoutarou sleepily mumbles throwing his arm in my general direction. "...noisy..." I lean over to pick it up, shoving it back to his futon, rolling my eyes.

Kanji snickers, choking on his water. "You heard the old man!" he snickers when he recovers.

 _I just don't get it..._

"What do you _get_ out of all this, Kanji-kun?" I finally question— _Meaning it._

He stares at me stupidly, but I'm not buying it. "Out of what...?"

" _This—_ " I wave my hand around, jumping up to move closer so I can speak more quietly. "Playing the tough guy and protecting everybody."

He squishes up his face. "Same as you, I think..."

I groan. "Then humor me. What do _you_ think _I_ get out of it, huh?" I know I'm sounding aggressive, but can't bite it back this time. _I don't get him._

"Uhh..." Kanji vocalizes, scratching his neck. "I like helping my friends... It's fun?"

"Sure," I snort. " _This is fun~_ "

He frowns. "I like that I _can_ help. Sometimes there's _nothing_ you can do. That's the worst."

I tentatively nod. _That part is true..._

"Whatever," I sigh.

I her Kanji's phone ding and wonder who the hell would still be up. I can see the clock and it's almost four.

"Ah yeah!" Kanji quietly whoops, pumping his fist.

"What're you so happy about, meathead?"

He frowns, but then lightens up and waves me off. "They're gonna come in on the first train! Rise was able to take off earlier."

" _'They'?_ " I repeat.

Kanji grins this time. "It's supposed to be a surprise, but Kanami-chan is coming too! She got the okay to skip out with Rise for a few days!"

I shake my head, clicking my tongue. "And who's that?"

"C'mon!" Kanji insists. "Mashita Kanami! Kanamin!" I shrug. " _Kanamin Kitchen, man!_ You gotta know them! She visits every once in a while—Nanako _loves_ her!"

I fold my arms and walk back out to the kitchen, where he's still looking stupidly happy. "Back up a bit. I'm not getting the connection."

"Huh?" the idiot voices. "I know she still talks to Ojisan and Nanako. She's really close with them—They spent a few intense days together during the Ai Meets Kizuna Fes—" Kanji cocks his head to the side, looking so stupid. "You _really_ don't know about this? There were shadows and gods and everything!"

"It sounds like something I _should_ know about!" I retort, feeling my face twitching. " _So why don't you fill me in, Kanji!_ "

"Aah..." the kid backs up, looking less sure of himself. He does that annoying thing where he scratches his neck.

"I'm _waiting_!"

" _Keep it down, you two morons!_ " Ryoutarou hisses, sounding more awake than earlier.

Kanji's face lights up in a relieved way. "Oi, Ojisan— _You_ can explain it all to him if you're up. About Kanami-chan and Nanako and the dancing and—" he stops midway, looking confused. "What? You want _me_ to tell 'im...? Or..." He squints across the room.

I sigh at his denseness and whip around in time to see Ryoutarou still violently slicing hand his across his throat, silently urging Kanji to shut the hell up. I give him a withering look and he lets out a groan, smacking his forehead.

I stare at him pointedly. "Someone better start talking because this has just been upgraded to _have-to-know_ priority."

"Let's go outside," Ryoutarou grumbles. "I know you're going to start screeching..."

" _What?_ " I shoot back, suspicious.

"Like that," he replies. "Pour me a cup of coffee." Ryoutarou yawns and goes out through the glass door.

Kanji watches in shock as I pull an uncapped—probably flat—half-empty bottle of cola out of the fridge and dump the rest of it into the mostly-full coffee carafe. " _Sure, I'll get you a goddamn cup of coffee..._ "

"Are you sure you—" I glare at Kanji and he shuts up. I dump in extra sugar from the cabinet—or flour or whatever. I don't bother to read the label. Who knows? Could be goddamn baking soda.

 _Guess we'll find out in a minute..._

I carry the coffee outside, smiling genuinely. I hand it to him and walk out onto the patio—Out of reach.

"Thanks," Ryoutarou sighs and takes a sip. He immediately spits it out, making a gagging sound. " _What the fu—_ " he manages before he makes another choking noise and spits on the ground a few more times, grimacing. "Dammit, Tohru!"

Ryoutarou sniffs the concoction and groans. "What _is_ it?" he moans, setting the cup on the ground.

"Ooh, right! You _don't_ like sugar!" I sneer.

" _That_ was _not_ sugar."

I shrug. "My mistake."

He cuffs the side of my head. "Ass."

"So what's the story here?" I push.

Ryoutarou sighs. "You know who Kanami is?"

I frown. "I don't live under a rock. I had _television_!"

He rolls his eyes. "In all seriousness—That kid's had it _tough_. She saw the person she looked up to hang herself. I helped her research it and remember what happened, and Nanako really bonded with her. She writes to Nanako a lot and sends us her CDs... Calls sometimes and chats with us. She visited a few times, but not for almost a year, now... I figured I'd tell you when it came up."

He shrugs his shoulders. "Didn't know she was coming with Rise—As far as I know, she doesn't have a persona..."

"Okay. That wasn't hard, was it?" I prod.

"You can be weird about these things," Ryoutarou protests. "You act right to her— _Not_ like with Kanji." Ryoutarou smirks. "Or Nanako'll give you hell. You know, they said she could debut if she wanted—After she was in that show. She decided against it, but as far as I know, the door's still open."

"That's..." I shake my head. "Wow. I didn't know that," I tell him.

"Mmhm. It's cute," Ryoutarou laughs. "I can hear her dancing in her room sometimes. Lot of thumping on the floor... But... I don't know why Kanami isn't like the others. Kanji's since told me there were shadows and things there, too—That Nanako was actually telling off that girl's own shadow and didn't know it. Funny how everything shakes out."

"Yeah," I agree. "But worry about your _own_ shadow... This means you know what they're like, if you saw all that."

Ryoutarou groans. "It's going to be _fine_. I'm seeing this through."

"I know... It's just..." I shake my head and lean against him. "It's hard for me to feel so sure. So much of this is going to be on you, and you're doing good—really—taking it all pretty well... But it's still a lot and you're going to have to work out whatever's thrown at you on your own—And _quick_. It'll only be all right if you're really okay with it."

"I'll check in on what it says. We'll talk it out—All the _kids_ have been through it."

"Kids don't know all the bad stuff out there yet—In some ways it's easier for them to admit to their faults."

He chuckles and rubs my head while I try to duck away. "You still don't trust me. Will you _ever_?"

"We'll see," I yawn.

"My short time getting to know Kanami—and the opportunity to watch Nanako giving something new her best... That's one of the main things that got me to go visit you for the first time. Before I had been too afraid—" Ryoutarou breaks off his sentence with a weighty sigh.

"I was... I was petrified that I wouldn't be able to talk to you—Before the Ai Meets Kizuna ordeal, I couldn't get anywhere _near_ processing it all and I was terrified I and would wind up not being able to love you anymore or to forgive you or whatever I wanted—I-I didn't _kn-know_ what I wanted and hadn't thought that part through! I didn't even think about what was _next_. I had no idea where to go from where I was."

Ryoutarou rubs the bridge of his nose and continues. "I was also scared that you'd be a shithead— _which you absolutely were, for the record_. I let those thoughts intimidate me. I let it all keep me away for a long time and I let myself get more and more fearful and worked-up and over-analytical..."

He pauses and doesn't look at me, but gropes for my hand in the darkness. And for once, when I feel him searching, I help him find it.

 _Try not to think about why—_

 _But..._

 _Because I know that wasn't easy for him to do—Or to tell me._

 _And I know I was a jackass—Still thinking I could just push him away..._

 _One of the few—countable on a hand missing digits—meaningful relationships I've ever had._

"But look—It was like I feared: _was_ the worst-case scenario. You were _terrible_ —a real bastard—but I got through it and realized all I could think about for the next week was going back to see you again... I wanted to make sure you were safe and taken care of— _Your broken fingers really shook me good, asshole!_ "

He pauses again after yelling and sighs. Squeezes my hand. "If I could do all _that_ , I think I can confidently face my shadow. I-I don't know—c-can't imagine—what could be worse than having lost the people I've been in love with—Twice—

I hear him grinding his teeth. " _Because that's what it was like, you know."_

Ryoutarou stops again and groans. "I didn't think I could get through it a second time... And—" He sucks in a big breath and holds it for a minute. " _And because of you I did almost lose Nanako, too—_ I..." He squeezes his eyes shut and grunts. "I need to say it and let it out. _That made me so angry—_ If you hadn't helped the little bit you did— _If she had died_ —You should know I would've killed you bare-handed."

After a bout of silence, I try speaking. "You, uh, _should've_ killed me if she didn't come back..."

Ryoutarou groans. " _Yes_ , but that wasn't the takeaway, moron."

I laugh a little. "I know."

" _Never write me off,_ " he concludes, saying it forcefully so I get the picture. "And I'll do the same for you." He pulls me to lean on him. "So how's that? I've been thinking it through, and I want to know if you're able say _that_ back to me. Is it easier than love—Something you _can_ honestly promise?"

"Yeah," I easily reply, another yawn slipping out. _I'm shocked that was so easy, but it is true..._ "I can do that. I can give you all the chances— _I-I think._ "

Ryoutarou smiles—I can't see it, but I _know_. I feel him sigh and he then pushes me to lie on his leg. "You get some sleep. It's almost time to get up and I slept for a few hours—But your damn bickering woke me up."

I don't argue. I _am_ beat and I should be in good condition for today's mission. "Okay." I roll over to lay in a better position and dangle my feet off the stoop. "I will always give you more chances," I repeat hoping I sound more sure.

Because I think I _can_ do that...

... _Have_ done it so far.

I'm happy there's something I can say and find true. That it feels more like the kind of commitment that he's been so adamant about himself, but that this meets me more where I'm at— _Feels less impossible._

"I still love you," he chuckles and smacks my head.

" _Yeah, yeah..._ " I grumble, drifting off.

* * *

Other Notes: Also of importance, please know that I've gone through Watakushi and (while I didn't re-edit my mistakes because I reread it in bed last night when I couldn't sleep) I did pick out all the loose ends I need to address before the story ends... Think I got 'em all! You should know by now that I don't always write events in the order they chapter/occur, so then I end up having to work stuff back in that hasn't re-arisen "naturally". And when I push chapters so frequently, I can't go back and add stuff in. It feels too wrong for people following it to change details.

And speaking of being natural—I've played through a bit of the Arena games now, and that's why I used Elizabeth and mentioned Naoto and Mitsuru et al. I was concerned that my writing of her wouldn't be up to par because I haven't played P3 in YEARS, but no one said anything, and someone even gave me a kudo~~ I think more P3 people will show up in he future, and especially liked that Aki is some kind of government/police/SDF and Chie wants to be a cop! I'm hoping I can get things tangled. That could work SUPER WELL! BUT! I'm purposely putting off my full playthrough of P5 to focus on the stuff I already know without complicating my ideas too needlessly—I enjoy looking stuff up and drawing conclusions, and P5 has come up shockingly few times in my SMT Wiki read-throughs. Definitely less than five times. (And apparently I need to get a copy of Nocturne. I've had heavy influences from its lore.) So none of those people should show up in Mukidashite :/ For a while at least. When Watakushi is done, I plan to do Kazoku and then PROBABLY take a break on it to write something else for a while... We'll see... I DON'T want to lose steam, but also will NOT flat-out end this as long as I have new ideas, and it might be good to break and finish P5!

Once more—Thank you everyone for reading. I haven't written fiction since college, (FANfiction since junior high!) which is getting to be a long time ago. And this experience and social-linking with new people here has been absolutely exceptional! Thank you helping me to improve my skills and confidence while finding a renewed enjoyment of craft. Also discipline—I believe I've posted every day I promised, even if it was later in the day I've been sticking to the deadlines! I was never able to do that with my writing before! So thank you, from the bottom of my tiny little heart! :}

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	36. Friends! (Watakushi)

Notes: Well I'm extending this by two chapters: Teddie's original chapter will be split into two, alternating with Dojima's shadow chapters. Just too long... I WILL post one Sunday! Ima need till then—Decided on more changes. Please enjoy, even though this chapter is shorter than the others lately!

* * *

Chapter Ten: Friends!

(Teddie)

I wake up earlier than usual— _Something's different._

 _It doesn't smell like my bed..._

 _It smells like smoke and spilled food._

 _And Nanako and Dojima and a little bit of Aniki-chan._

When I open my eyes I'm delighted to realize I slept over! _I momentarily forgot about the awesome sleepover with almost everyone... But now I remember!_

I bolt upright and look around. Kanji's leaning against the wall reading comics. But I don't see anybody else.

"They didn't get eaten by the TV..." I fight a yawn to ask Kanji. He rolls his eyes and tells me 'good morning'.

"Nanako went to the bathroom and the ojisan never came back inside."

I squint against the light and can see Dojima leaning against the glass. I walk over to tap on it and wake him up, only then noticing Tohru's sprawled out on the cement. I laugh and accidentally bang my head on the glass— _Really_ startling the two, and I feel bad.

Tohru springs to his feet and lunges at the glass, pushing Dojima out of the way, who yelps and falls to the ground. Tohru crashes into the door and bounces off—And now _Kanji's_ laughing.

" _O-oh god!_ " Kanji roars, in a cackling fit. "Man I can't take it! He looks like a confused dog who thought the door was open!"

Tohru yells at me and angrily pounds the side of the house before helping Dojima to his feet. "Dammit you brat!" he scolds when he finally yanks the door open

"We're lucky it didn't break..." Dojima yawns.

I zip out to the kitchen. "You guys want coffee?" I ask, trying to be helpful.

" _No!_ " all three scream in unison, and I sigh.

"I just wanted to be nice..." I reply.

Dojima walks past me and pats my head. "Let me make a fresh pot. A _jackass_ got into it last night."

I look at Kanji and Tohru, who each point their fingers at the other. _I know it was probably Tohru. Kanji would never desecrate his Ojisan's coffee. He's too nice._

I hear a door close and Nanako finally joins us.

"Mornin'!" Kanji greets her. "You missed all the fun, unfortunately. Adachi ran into the door... Frikkin' hysterical!"

She giggles and then turns to Tohru, trying to look serious. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Tohru huffs. "Stupid Ted ran into it first!"

"I-it was an accident!" I tell them, holding up my hands. "I'm sorry... Aniki-chan looked so funny sleeping on the hard ground, I couldn't help laughing!"

"Thanks for nothing, by the way," Tohru mutters at Dojima. " _'Hurr durr, go to sleep, Tohru! I'll wake you up!'_ " he mimics, complete with gestures. "And then I wake up thinking we're getting _attacked_ and it's just that _idiot_ bonking his head on the glass... You guys are all so cold!"

Dojima shoots an unamused glare at his friend and Tohru shuts up. "I said I was sorry. And you just _threw_ me, so I think we're even." He pulls cold soup out of the fridge and tells us to all get bowls. "There's also instant ramen."

I go right for the soup and sit at the table, waiting for the others. They all sit down except Kanji. There aren't enough chairs, so stands next to the table like a good gentleman.

"Okay everyone~" Tohru perks up, making a bid for our attention. "So that Rise chick will be here in a bit. We're meeting in my room at ten. Any questions?"

"I have to stop by home and Daidara's," Kanji tells us. "I'll bring Rise-chan back. Ted, you can walk Nanako to school and then meet me at home, alright?"

"I can't just come back here?" I question.

Kanji sighs. "No, come home. I might need your help."

I nod. "Okay..."

"Well I'm off," Kanji then announces, gulping the rest of his soup. "Gotta set up shop for my Ma."

He leaves and then Tohru excuses himself to go back to lying down on the futons—And you know, he sleeps a _lot_. Dojima says he's going to go buy the paper and heads for the door.

"I need to get ready," Nanako tells us. "I can go upstairs now?"

"Don't worry, I'll come~" I volunteer, striking a pose.

Dojima groans and takes his shoes back off. "Tohru, you go with her. I'm going to talk to _him_." He points at me and walks into the kitchen.

 _Am I supposed to follow?_

Nanako climbs the stairs and Tohru points to Dojima's back and makes a punching gesture. "Punch him?" I ask aloud.

Tohru groans and tries something else that looks like strangling.

"I don't think that's a beary good idea, either..."

" _I'm not going to hurt him, moron,_ " Dojima yells over his shoulder. Tohru shrugs and disappears up the stairs, too.

I go into the kitchen and watch Dojima while he takes the dirty filter out of the coffee and sighs. "Do you like coffee?" He dumps funny-looking old batch down the drain and washes the glass jug.

"Yes!" I nod fast.

I try to open the cabinet, but Dojima doesn't let me in. He's quiet for a minute before he takes down two mugs from above the sink. " _This is for today only_ —but you can use this one."

"I like yellow!" I tell him, grinning.

"What do you put in your coffee, kid?" Dojima grumbles, taking down the sugar.

I shake my head. "Nothing—Then you wouldn't be able to _taste_ the coffee!" I reach for the cup, but he pulls it back and I "aww".

He frowns. "Don't lie to get on my good side, brat," Dojima reprimands. "What do you put in it?"

"Really!" I whine. "Don't put anything in it— _I'm serious~_ "

Dojima studies me, but finally sighs and hands me the mug. We wait while the coffee drips down to the new pot. It takes a long time—And I get the feeling I'm not supposed to talk... So it _feels_ like forever.

When it's finally ready, Dojima pours us each a cup. I whoop and carry it to the table. "I'm glad I get to talk to you today," I admit. "I maybe of thought you were lying yesterday to shut me up."

I sip the hot coffee while Dojima groans. "I don't _try_ to lie," he wearily tells me. "I just get busy."

"I know..." I nod. After we sit in silence for a while, but it's an okay-silence. "The coffee's fantastic~" I grin when it's gone.

Dojima squints at me like he's angry, but then shakes his head and sighs again instead of yelling. "Took the words right out of my mouth..."

I get up and carry the mugs to the sink and wash them. When I finish, I get called back over. I salute and sit down.

"The set only has four cups," he quietly tells me, rubbing his arm like he's nervous. "If I got you your own, what color would you like?"

I think hard for a minute. "A bear!" I declare.

Dojima mutters something and rubs his hand over his face. "That isn't a _color_. I said _color_ so it matches the others."

"Hmmm..." I think hard. "Light blue! Like the sky! Like my eyes!"

"That's fine," Dojima agrees. Then he stares at me again looking angry. "If you cross me I'll smash it in front of you, understand?"

I shudder. "Tha-that's so _mean_!"

I hear chortling behind me. "He'll probably smash it over your head, you know," Tohru smirks, poking my head for emphasis.

"And stop calling him 'aniki'," Dojima commands. "It doesn't sound right."

"But the '-chan' is still okay?" I try.

Dojima shrugs, looking smug. " _Sure._ "

"But—" Tohru protests.

"What's going on?" Nanako asks, stepping around Tohru.

"I get my own mug! But I have to call him Tohru-chan!" I fill her in. She laughs so it must be good.

Tohru groans. "Really? _Everyone's okay with that?_ "

"I-it's a little... _Cu—_ " Dojima cuts himself off, coughing.

"Ooh, I get it!" I intuit. "I can call you Dojima-chan! Don't worry~"

Everyone freezes.

"If you ever call me that again—" Dojima threatens, turning red.

"Woah!" Tohru actually gets between us. "This has gotten ridiculous enough, guys. Let's just call everyone by their names, huh?"

I feel my face light up. "So I can call him—"

"No-o-o-o!" Tohru cuts me off sounding aggravated. "You really are an _idiot_. Do you have a death wish?"

"But?"

"That's enough," Nanako interjects. "I need to get to school. Teddie, are you going to walk with me?"

"Of course!" I shout and take Nana's bag for her. I dash to the front door, where I put on my sneakers and tell the others we're leaving. "Thanks for the coffee~" I say again, and pop outside.

Nanako locks the door and holds out her hand. "It's okay?" I ask, remembering the kids from yesterday.

"Uh-huh." Without waiting, she grabs mine in hers and swings our arms like I usually do.

I can't help smiling a lot.

When we reach town, I get an idea. "Wanna see Rise get off the train? I bet you can still make school."

Nanako nods. "Yeah! I'd love that!"

We change direction and head for the station. It's little extra to walk, but we're excited about seeing our friend.

On the platform, we stand by the door so Rise won't miss us—And when the train stops completely, I gasp and tug Nana's arm so she pays attention.

"Nana— _Look!_ " I gasp.

The doors open and Rise comes out— _With Kana behind her!_

"Oh!" Nanako echoes my sentiment.

The spot us almost immediately... I know I stick out with my naturally light hair.

"Oh my gosh, hi!" Rise beams, handing her bag to Kanami and hurrying over. Poor Kana stumbles and laughs, walking a little slower.

Rise hugs Nana and I, and then takes their stuff so Kana can hug us, too.

"I missed you guys!" Kanami marvels. "Didn't think you'd come all the way out here!"

"Are you going to make school?" Rise questions, smirking at Nanako.

Nana laughs. "I should go, but we wanted to see you. And I'm so glad we did, no one told me Kana-chan was coming!"

"Me either!" I puff and fake-glare.

Rise giggles. "Kanji said you would tell Nanako, so they didn't say anything."

"So the surprise?" I quiz.

" _I was the surprise all along!_ " Kanami hollers.

Nana laughs again and pulls me out the door. "We really do have to get going," she tells the ladies. "I'll see you later!"

"I'll meet you at Kanji's!" I shout to them as we rush out of the station.

We slow down when we approach the front gate of the middle school.

"Thanks for walking with me," Nanako smiles, but looks stressed—I can see it in her eyes. "I'm... A little worried."

"They'll be okay! Tohru's _strong_ now—But _good_ -strong. He'll help!" I nod a lot and swing our arms up really high. "I'll text you if they come back before you're out~" I assure Nana.

"Mm." She smiles and squeezes my hand before taking off down the walk. I wait till she gets inside, then start back home.

I practically run into the store, excited to see the girls again...

 _They're not there!_

"Kaasan!" I yell, seeing Kanji's mom is manning the deck. " _Where is everyone?!_ "

She chuckles. "Check down the road. The girls stopped in, but Kanji had already gone to the Metalworks... I sent them over there."

"Thanks~" I shout behind me as I take off again.

On the way, I spot Kitsune near the shrine. "Wanna go for a ride?" I query. The fox barks a high note, and I lead him across the street. He follows me right into Daidara's!

"Hello!" I call. No one answers.

 _I'm getting sick of finding nobody..._

I weave through the store and find everyone out back, where Kanji's loading something into the trunk of his big car. _Finally!_

"All ready?!" I ask the others.

Kanami throws me a peace sign and breaks away from the other three. "Are you gonna take me around Inaba today?" she grins at me.

"Of course~" I reply. "It'd be boring to stay at home! Want to go to Junes for lunch?"

"Sure," she agrees. "Anywhere's good."

"That's where we used to meet on TV World days," I confide in her. "Our secret hideout~" _Just like old times!_

I hear a _whunk_ as Kanji finally wins the struggle with the trunk. A big thing is still sticking out the open window, though. "C'mon! Let's haul!" he tells us. He shakes hands with Daidara before jumping into the driver's seat. Rise takes the passenger's and Kanami gets in back.

"Bye-bye~" I call, jumping in the backseat, as well. The old man grunts and waves.

"Waah!" Kanami screams when Kitsune climbs over me and sits up in the middle. "Wh-what?" she squeals, super-duper surprised.

I poke my head around the furry beast. "He's friendly!" I tell her. "Say hi~"

"H-heh," Kanami squeaks. "...Hi?"

Kitsune dips his head a little as Kanji pulls out of the alley.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/16/17


	37. Due Duality (Watakushi)

Notes: FIRSTLY! I would EXTREMELY appreciate feedback on today's take on shadows. I love that people are reading and kudo-ing—It's more than I honestly thought would happen—But I would really, truly like to hear some thoughts on the ideas I'm putting forth. I had two people check it out before I posted and they both responded positively, so I'm hopeful... But YOU who read stuff on here; you are the super-Persona-fans who enjoy breaking down your own ideas and theories and everything and I'm curious on your opinions! Thank you!

I've really wanted to focus on things that often go under the radar. I know in the past I've expounded on what it's like to actually travel in and out of the TV World, and Adachi mentioned reviving people. I feel as though these are things that get super glossed-over when games get turned into shows or books, but could be more interesting to explore. For most of their "armor" I pulled stuff out of the SMT wiki and tried to figure out what it would look like—Rise's is different because I wanted more funny juxtaposition. I gave Kanji an original weapon, but I think it's pretty realistic (and funny) compared to the other stuff he's toted. Also carrying things and transporting ridiculous weapons into the TV—Like WTF GUYS? None of you carry packs or anything and some of Kanji's weapons would NEVER fit through anything but a movie-theatre screen...

As for Dojima and (it's going unused for now, but) Nanako's weapons... I felt WAY too lazy just recycling weapons. Ugh. I did a load of reading through different eras of combat weapons and pulled flamethrowers and chakram out of research I did a few weeks ago. I DID think it would be ignorant to discount the fact that Doujima likely carries a gun, though, so he can have both. Whatever... Flamethrowers aren't great for more drawn-out fights; can only carry so much fuel. I just didn't want to have Adachi, Naoto, AND him all have guns. That's no fun...

I've done a crapload of reading up on guns! I've probably put in more than five hours of research just pouring over different gun databases, instructions, and YouTube videos. I also asked simpler questions to my husband, who's actually gone shooting. I know next-to-nothing about how they work or what the parts of guns are called or anything. I've been wanting to make Adachi a bit of a gun person—I mean he DID make his own from a model in canon... And aren't the guns part of why he became a policeman? My husband and I poured over screenshots from the Golden Animation to figure out what gun Adachi has. And THEN, after like an hour, he remembered there's a nifty website that tells you what guns people use on TV! It's a Nambu Model 60. I also wanted to give Doujima a different gun than him. I felt that would keep it more interesting... (Also I screwed up and was looking at the wrong model of Nambu before and thought it was semi-automatic and had a magazine, so I needed to find something that takes a magazine.) I ended up going with a Heckler & Koch USP because that'll come in handy for a later plotpoint anyhow. I also purchased an airsoft Marui Colt off eBay to learn how guns work and how to handle them. (That involved a lot of me posing with it and my husband telling me never to point it like at that or that or hold it like that or put it down like that...) I hope it's as accurate as possible! I feel too cringey writing about things I don't have knowledge of...

I talk a bit about the rules of shadows in Mukidashite, which are a different than in general, but align with what I've been doing. I also give a little info on the shadow and persona that pop up in the endnotes. If you don't mind spoilers, feel free to read it first. ^_^

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Due Duality

(Ryoutarou)

 _Today's the day._

We've planned with the kids, went out and bought weapons, I listened to their stories, and now all I can do is _wait_. I pace the first floor, edgy, while Tohru runs around gathering things up and tossing them on the dining room table. So far there are a bunch of guns— _of course_ —but the rest of the stuff doesn't look very important...

 _Two bottles of water, a mirror, a small fucking bomb... A bag of rice, seeds, some candy... More food and drinks. And some partially-used tubes and jars of who-the-fuck-knows._

He's been a whiny mess since the kids left. "Do you even own jeans?" he screeches from upstairs.

"No."

"Right. Then put on something heavy. Cargoes? You got anything flame-retardant?" I hear thumps as things are thrown around above my head. I don't have time to answer before he shouts that he thinks he found something acceptable.

I find a bottle of ibuprofen in the downstairs bathroom and swallow four. _Going to be one of those days._

As I walk back out to the main room, Tohru dashes by me and starts tearing apart the front-hall closet. "You have a pair of work boots right?"

"…I think so." I sigh. "Did you look in the shoe cabinet?"

"Weren't there earlier!" he calls.

"Do I really need all this?" I snap.

I hear Tohru cheer. "Found them!" He walks over to me. "And the point," he emphasizes, throwing the heavy boots to my feet. "Is that you don't know _what_ you'll need." He hands me an old pair of pants with a lot of pockets. "Put all that on and then we'll figure out the chain mail."

"What're _you_ wearing?" I interrogate.

Tohru grins and picks up my old winter work-coat.

"It's _the middle of summer, moron_!" I shout, exasperated.

"Woah~" he whistles. "Armor comes in all shapes and sizes. Also I don't need a lot of protection—Just a bunch of pockets."

I shake my head. "Well, you're covered _there_ ," I quip.

While I change, I watch Tohru take the armor out of the box. He inspects it and the attached fob—That looks more like a decorative bauble rather than anything of value. "It's good for starter wear," he concludes and carries it over.

I squirm into the damn thing, wondering for the millionth time how I got where I am today... It fits like a very heavy sweater. I take the bracers next and slide them over my forearms.

Tohru puts on the jacket and starts stuffing things in the pockets, handing some for me to stick in my pants' pockets.

"What _is_ all this for?" I question.

He explains as he hands me the different objects. "Healing... Attack... Healing... Healing... Defense... Can you remember which is which?"

I nod, trying to stick all the food and medicine in one pocket to make sure.

"Let's go up. I'm going to send Naga away so I can get ready," Tohru tells me as he walks on ahead.

In his room, I look on as Tohru bows to the snake-person and politely thanks it. The thing returns the gesture and vanishes instantly. He snuffs out the incense and throws the window open before stomping over to the television.

"We're coming for you!" Tohru hollers at it, giving the TV a good smack. "So stay in there for a little longer."

I heave a sigh and sit on the couch. "Really? Going to antagonize it now?" I gripe, but when he turns around, he looks angrier than I expected.

I take out a cigarette and he holds the lighter for me. Then I sit quietly while he opens a suitcase I'd not noticed before. He pulls out an armband and boots for himself.

I watch as he methodically clears all the food and crap off the table and sets out his guns—I saw my USP among the clutter earlier. He looks unusually focused while he cleans and loads each one; taking care to make sure they're in proper condition.

 _I never knew he was such a gun nut._

"We're getting a bigger damn gun safe for all of those," I absently declare. "Not going to fit in mine."

He " _tsk_ "s. "I've always kept them in the locked suitcase before I moved here." He points to the hard-shell that looks about ready to fall apart.

I sigh and take another drag, feeling antsy. "How many..." I shake my head, knowing I won't get an answer. "Never mind. We can discuss it later."

When Tohru's done he picks mine up by the barrel and passes it across the table.

"And how am I supposed to carry this?" I raise my eyebrows. My usual holster isn't going to fit over the literal armor.

"Pocket?" he replies.

"That's _not_ safe."

Tohru gives me a disdainful look. " _None_ of this is safe."

Then he silently hefts the huge television I bought him off the table and sets it on the floor. I'm not entirely convinced I won't just land on the TV itself, snapping it to pieces. He glances over at me guardedly, as though he can tell I'm unable to implicitly trust him on this.

Tohru sighs and sticks his arm in the screen— _literally inside the screen._ "Remember?" he huffs. "Just follow my lead."

"Fuck," I breathe, reaching for the ashtray. I feel my face pull tight. "I trust you."

Tohru grins, but it looks oddly empty. "You probably shouldn't."

I raise my eyebrows to yell at him—to ask him why the hell he would say that _now_ , right before I have to take the biggest leap of faith in my life—but we're interrupted by Kanji announcing his entrance, Rise piping in that she's also here. More chatter that I assume is Teddie and Kanami follows them.

Tohru's already turned back to his preparations. I clear my throat to attract his attention, but he won't look back at me. _Great._

"You all ready?" Teddie runs in smiling. That fox trails behind the boy and sits down near Tohru, giving him a few sniffs. The two have a brief staring contest, but the interaction looks positive.

"Hey!" Kanami waves as she walks in. "Long time no see!"

I nod to her and pull out another cigarette. Tohru's lighter lands in my lap and I use it, then pocket the thing—Won't give it back now until he redacts or qualifies that last comment. He doesn't seem bothered as he stuffs three guns and a load of ammo in the zippered pockets of the coat. I roll my eyes while the kids appear put-off.

I look between the two who haven't met. "Kanami, this is Tohru. Tohru, Kanami."

"Nice to meet yah!" Kanami beams.

"Hi," Tohru curtly replies and goes back to ignoring everyone.

"How are you?" Kanami asks when he goes back to working. She takes a seat on the other end of the couch. Teddie squats near Tohru and the fox.

I snort. "Alright. You know what it's like."

"Yeah..." she empathizes. "But you'll do fine! You helped me before—I'm sure you can pull it off yourself!"

I nod, cracking a smile. "Thanks."

"Ojisan!" Kanji grins, dipping his head as he enters—and completely ignoring Tohru. Thankfully Tohru ignores him back instead of picking a fight. I haven't the faintest idea _why_ , but Kanji looks as though he's dressed for a festival instead of a fight: happi and a headband paired with sneakers.

"Hi everyone!" Rise chirps in her bubbly voice, stepping into the room behind him. I can't help laughing—the idol's in _full riot gear_!

Kanji shakes his head, smiling as he drops down in the middle of the couch. "Yuki-chan should be here soon. You know she works like every day!"

"Makes sense," I reply, nodding.

Rise taps away on her phone by the door and we're quiet until Tohru stands and Teddie moves into his personal space. "You're gonna do great! I know you can figure it out~" he smiles up at Tohru and places his open hand over the taller man's heart.

Tohru flinches and backs up, looking unnerved. He shrugs it off and walks over to the couch and shoves Kanji away. The boy huffs but pushes over.

 _This is getting ridiculous again._

Tohru sits next to me and takes his lighter back out of my pocket and I feel a surge of annoyance as I try to grab it again. " _I_ hold on to this," he asserts, flicking it open and closed a few times. I give him a look and stub out my only half-finished cigarette just to piss him off.

The front door opens again and Yukiko shouts a greeting. She walks into the small room carrying two large sticks—Or at least they _look_ like sticks. She's wearing a dark, flowing robe and an embellished samurai helmet.

"These are my new fans," she beams. "They're too big to open here, though."

"Too big, or too dangerous?" Kanji laughs. The girls giggle, and Yukiko swings one around jokingly.

When the laughter dies down, Tohru stands and walks over to the television. "Okay. Are you all ready?"

The girls nod, while I stand to put on the contraption Kanji brought up, that will be serving as my weapon. I don't feel really comfortable operating the thing, but I guess this is it.

"Uhh," Kanji vocalizes. We turn to him. "I have a new weapon, too, but it's kinda _big_. Can you get it in there for me?" he asks Tohru.

"Probably," the other man noncommittally answers, following Kanji back down the stairs.

"Teddie usually handles our weapons," Rise explains. "And he says Adachi is like him, so..."

"I don't know where you're going, so Tohru needs to do it," Teddie adds, looking around. "It's getting crowded in here. Kana-chan and I are going to take off. Good luck!" Kanami waves to us as they head back down, as well.

"Are you nervous?" Rise asks, her eyes searching mine.

I frown. _Of course._

 _But can I tell them that? They're doing this for me..._

I sigh and nod, feeling embarassed.

"Good," she replies, breaking into a smile. "Gotta be honest about this stuff—We _are_ going to work together."

Yukiko leans in closer to us, as if she doesn't want the boys to hear—From downstairs. "We were all worried about our shadows—That's what they're made of. It's natural."

I smile back at them. "Thanks." Yukiko flashes a thumbs-up and Rise goes back to typing on her cell.

Shouting breaks the silence; can be heard though the open window.

" _What the fuck are you going to do with that?!_ " I hear Tohru howl.

Kanji moans and yells back at him. "It's my new weapon, dammit! Just get it over for me!"

There's more squabbling, and then silence returns. When the duo comes back, Tohru and Rise stand on either side of the TV.

"I know where we're going," Tohru announces. "So follow me, I guess~" The kids all nod and get in a line. He holds out his hand, so I walk around the table to take it, watching him step through the screen and disappear. I take a deep breath as I jump in behind him.

It's a weird sensation— _Falling through nothing._

It's like swimming—But you can breathe. It feels like a long time before I can see again, the area around me so dark I can't even make out where my hand grasps Tohru's.

We finally break through to the other side and fall maybe eight or so feet to the floor. Tohru lands on his feet and snickers when I don't, pulling me upright.

I look around—It certainly _is_ my office, but with much more empty space. It's just as he described: my desk and chair at one end, with a gun and glass bottle on top, and an oversized noose dangling from a rafter.

 _Super! My mind looks completely sane..._

"We don't have rafters..." I gripe while we wait.

Tohru shrugs. "It's supposed to be twisted, not exactly the same." He walks around the room that feels way too big. "The writing's gone..." he says in a quiet voice, looking unsettled.

The kids pop out of a portal that appears in the ceiling, expertly landing on their feet one-by-one. It strikes me as funny, like an old super sentai show. Yukiko opens her fans and Tohru draws his favorite revolver. Kanji looks over at him, and is directed to a corner of the room, which he jogs off to—I guess retrieving his weapon.

Rise stands near the back of the room, farthest from the door and calls Kouzeon, her persona, to gather information. I've never seen someone summon their persona, aside from Tohru, and I can't help but gawk at the goddess floating above her.

I feel a tug on my hand and look over to see Tohru pulling me away. "Sorry about earlier," he sullenly tells me. "I've been snappy..."

"It's alright," I reply and ruffle his hair. He rolls his eyes. "It'll work out. I do trust you. You know I lo—" the words catch in my throat as we all hear the door creak open, a sound familiar to Tohru and I. Everyone turns to look, Kanji and Yukiko staggering themselves in front of Rise.

And that's when he—or rather _the eldritch version of me_ —walks through the door—decorated in my old uniform and hat, gun proudly displayed, sporting a clean-shaven look, and seeming much too muscular... Maybe even _taller_? His nametag bears an old nickname I refuse to even _think_ , my eyes darting away and over to Tohru, astonishment likely showing on my face.

 _Oh... His hair—I think..._

I can't see enough to be positive—The hat obscures most of the neatly cropped hair.

"Wh-what?" I dumbly stare. _Why does mine look so different from me?_

" _The hell?_ " Kanji echoes my thoughts.

I catch Yukiko shaking her head out of the corner of my eye. "This is... _Different_."

Tohru snorts. "Different isn't always bad... It'll... Be fine." He sounds _almost_ sure of himself, but the others don't seem to buy it—I can sense it in the way they're all poised for a fight. "See what he wants from you," Tohru drops my hand and nudges me forward.

 _How the hell do you talk to yourself?_

I scratch my head and scrounge around one of the leg pockets for my cigarettes. I step forward, squarely in front of him. "Ah," I dumbly hold the carton out to my shadow, one tipped foreword.

"Hnn," he snorts. "Still hoping to die young?"

I feel myself shrink back a little. " _Huh?_ "

"I can tell by the entourage that you already know how this works. I _am_ you. I know _al~ll_ about it. _All_ of it." The imposter adjusts his hat higher on his head so I can see his shockingly— _but that's not what they said—_ sky-blue eyes. "Well, guess you can't die _too_ young now, yeah?" he chuckles and clicks his tongue while I stare, unsure how to reply.

"Adachi's right—He doesn't have the right presence," I hear Rise urgently alert Kanji and Yukiko. "He's strong, but that's not it. It's not what we're used to. Stay alert!"

He walks around the room, moving between everyone and sizing us all up before making his way back to me. "Put away the damn cancer sticks and face me like a _real man_ —Not whatever the hell you've let yourself become." He rudely waves me off.

I look down at myself, startled— _I think I do alright._

But then the other one speaks for me, showily hooking his thumbs through the straps of his vest. "That's right!" he smirks, talking loudly so the others can hear his boasting. "He's such a disgrace that he _refuses_ to wear the uniform anymore. Hasn't for four years now. But you know what? _I_ fucking miss it—I'm a policeman. I do my job—Unlike _him_ ," he jabs his finger in my direction. "I _don't_ get shitfaced at work, but _woooh_ — _He_ deserves _that_."

 _Wait—Only four years?_

 _Four years?!_

 _But it's been ten since I last wore—_

"Ah—" I struggle. "Just what year do you think it is?"

I see my blue-eyed self chortle. He slaps a hand to his forehead a bit too dramatically. "As if you don't know what _year_ it is! You know how long it's been _to the day_!"

I try to speak evenly. "Humor me."

"Dumbass!" my other self jeers. "It's October of—"

He's cut off, appearing slightly stupefied by Tohru's inhuman shriek. " _Nooo!_ " I hear him holler over and over again. " _Shut up shut up shut—!_ " He cuts himself off by swinging his revolver around and slamming the butt-end of his the gun into the side of his own skull. " _Go away again!_ " Kanji and Yukiko move closer to Tohru, but let him have his tantrum—I'd be more concerned if any of this felt even slightly _real_.

 _It's too..._

I shake my head, lost.

But I snap my attention back to the weird me when he bursts out laughing. "And then there's _this_ goon! Still enjoying taking care of the moron? Still got nothing _better_ to do, I assume." He smirks at me, stepping closer to Tohru—Who's still having some sort of episode, hammering his fist and gun into his skull, shrieking. "You really did a _good job_ finding someone so..." He rolls his eyes and snorts derisively, folding his arms to loom over Tohru, who's now on the ground, still hollering incoherently.

He watches undisturbed until Tohru senses how close he's gotten. When he realizes, Tohru abruptly jumps to his feet, eyes blazing. " _You'll_ tell us the truth—" he yells. "You can shut _him_ up!"

 _Us?_

 _Him?_

"Why not?" I see my shadow laugh. "Try me."

"I'm not a replacement," he states, even though it comes out sounding almost like a fearful question.

" _Ah-hah!_ " he guffaws. "A _replacement_?! You think _you_ could be her replacement?!"

Tohru pinches his face in confusion. " _Told you!_ " he sneers, smacking the butt of his gun into the side of his head again. " _Now go away!_ "

"Well he really is a goddamn crazy," the imposter shakes his head, chuckling. "Funny guy, but totally out of his gourd..."

While he was trailing off that last statement, Tohru had gotten right up in his face, grinning crazily. "I don't care what _you_ think!" he spits. I move forward as Kanji motions to Rise.

" _Don't_ agitate him!" the girl sharply admonishes Tohru.

But he doesn't listen, smirking as he advances on my shadow so the other one has to back up; harshly jabbing the muzzle of his gun in the shadow's chest. "I can tell Ryoutarou knows it by now—But you're old news—" Tohru pauses to dramatically jam his revolver into the shadow's nametag and I shudder. " _Ryota!_ " he stupidly taunts, looking maniacal.

" _Don't you fucking call me that!_ " my other self growls and lashes out at Tohru—Trying to grab his throat. I groan as I watch Tohru jump backwards, landing on his butt and then scrambling away. The shadow draws his own gun and I finally snap into action, moving between them and pointing the stupid flamethrower at— _At myself, really._

" _You're the opposite! You can't have it!_ " He's raging and stomping around in front of me, both large hands gripping his own tiny gun. His infuriated, azure eyes meeting my frightened grey ones. He growls out the words, starting to emit a red aura. " _Don't you let him ever fucking call us that name!_ "

I don't move even when he gets right up in my face. " _You know damn well we can only stand that animal because he's so goddamn different! Don't you ever fucking go there!_ " He punctuates each word of the last sentence by leaning around me and brandishing his pistol at Tohru again.

I see the kids getting into some sort of formation and signaling to each other.

"Try to calm him down!" Rise calls to me. "You need to accept what he thinks you're pushing away."

" _Pbbft!_ " the other me laughs, pacing. "There's too much. _You won't get it_ ," he patronizingly mocks. "None of them will—No one even _knows_! Except _that_ fucker!" he spits the words, aiming his gun at Tohru again.

Then he starts to pace, thankfully replacing his USP in its holster. "You were _done_." He stops to look me in the eye again, to lock his blue orbs with my own slate-colored, _human_ eyes. " _Finished_ ," he spits. " _Checked-out._ "

He stares at me still, fury in his shiny eyes. "We were all ready to tell this dump sayounara—But then _that bastard_ came along and just _had_ to act like he needed us. Like we meant something to him—And _no_ ," he lampoons. " _You_ and _I_ were not ready to move on, but for him we did..."

He pauses, glaring at me smugly, dark laughter hissing out of his mouth. " _Well, we did whatever the hell he wanted_. Didn't care as long we weren't _alone_ —Cause _fuck_ — _That_ was worse than literally anything else."

I wince, knowing this is partly true.

 _I needed—_

I needed _somebody_.

 _And he wanted me. The way I was._

 _Seemed to accept me. So I went along with it until I—_

"—loved him."

"Oh _yes_ you did!" the shadow sneers again. " _Hah!_ And you don't even _know_ what he did to us— _I mean all of it!_ Not _just_ that bullshit you _blocked out_ for so long. Y'know—That goddamn daytime soap-opera at the hospital."

He leers, now, narrowing his eyes. "But I know you remember that part _now_. I can tell by the panic written all over your stupid, gullible face." I glance away from the shadow. "But _I_ _always_ remembered. _Fuck!_ I had a _front row seat through every television_ _you walked past_." I shiver; can feel my teeth chattering. "So hah!" he yells with an air of superiority, hands on his hips.

" _I'm not you—_ Beat you to it!" The aura changes and red sparks roll off him in controlled waves.

He's stepping towards me now, purposefully locking eyes with the others, one at a time. I see a wicked smile emerge, as he motions to another door— _when did that happen_ —and tries to sling an arm around me. I dodge, but he grips my shoulder and yanks me back over. "And I've got a special guest—Showed up earlier while we were talking. _Go say hi._ "

And I hear the others gasp— _fuck I could just die_ —at who walks out of that new door that's just—Just _there_ all of a sudden!

 _Another one_.

Me _again_ —

But this one looks more normal, _more like me_ , and I find that absolutely terrifying.

Like this one knows so much more than the first.

"G'mornin'," I hear a tired, crackly version of my voice come out of a third body and—seriously though, for fuck's sake— _what fucking level of hell is this?!_

He looks—physically—more like me, but he's a goddamn _mess_! The new one's only wearing boxers and a bathrobe, a cigarette dangling out of his mouth, and a large bottle of sake in his right hand. Those old traditional sandals of mine slap the floor at odd intervals as he stumbles around. He's got a goddamn _hobo-beard_ and his hair's sticking up as though he hasn't showered in days. He takes a drag from the cigarette and holds it in his free hand, looking around at all of us—With _yellow_ eyes, this time.

"I'm _not_ asking that one, too _—_ " I hear Tohru hiss, getting ready to clock himself again. Kanji thankfully steps in and wraps a hand around his wrist—Shakes his head. Tohru growls at him, but Kanji doesn't let go.

"How—" Rise tries, confused. "There are _two_?"

"Heh!" the first one laughs. " _I'm_ what he _could_ be. That loser is who _knows_ he really is and how people see him. _Effing pathetic,_ " he scoffs.

The new shadow leans against the wall and gulps down some sake. "H-hey! A-ah-m," he splutters. "'m happy. You ken all _fuck yursel'fs_." He takes another swig. "Jus' lemme—Jus' lemme finish this..." He trails off, shaking the bottle to listen for how full it is like I do, and I pinch the bridge of my nose feeling a frigging headache coming on now.

"No'ne needs me," he drunkenly titters. "Cant'do anyth'g right—" He takes another drink. "Nan'ko s'fine—Bett'r off wi'out me." When he's done, he smashes the bottle on the floor and inspects a particularly nasty-looking piece of glass. "H's back, but To'ru left fr'a reashon... Aft'r _all_ he did't wan' me and I could't take't."

I feel fear prickle through me and I can't move. I'm frozen in place— _Don't tell him!_

The first shadow barks out a laugh.

" _Don—_ " my voice shakes and I can't say it.

The second one looks right at me, while the first one rolls his eyes and shakes his head, folding his arms over his chest. "Yup!" the yellow-eyed shadow giggles. " _Tha's_ why I want'd to jump." Kanji's jaw drops and the second shadow giggles again. "Shu'da _let m'go_!"

I barely register Kanji faltering, losing the struggle to restrain Tohru, who's now trying to charge the drunk one. " _What?!_ " he screeches.

"Ooh," the second one laughs. " _He_ dos't know, eh? _Fucken' f'ntastic_!" After that he can't stop laughing, smacking his free hand on the floor, like it's the best joke he's ever heard.

The first shadow rolls his eyes again takes over. "Yeah, " he snorts. "That bastard—" he points at _Kanji_ and alarm bells are going off in my head "—held those two sots down until goddamn security came and carted them off to the crazy floor."

He shifts his gaze away from Kanji, gesturing to me and the second shadow, and staring—steadily—right at Tohru, who seems to freeze as well. " _You_ fucked us good! So they tried to climb out the hospital window... Didn't make it." He pauses to shake his head sadly and snort. "All of this _goddamn mess_..." He shrugs, shaking his head again— _Gloating_.

"Well, now _you're_ caught up. _You happy?_ Things turn out how you wanted?" he taunts Tohru, chuckling. " _Hmm?_ "

 _Can't look at Tohru._

 _Can't deal with this—_

 _Help—_

"St-stop," I stutter. " _Enough_."

The first shadow sneers while the second one lights another cigarette and walks over to the desk, swaying as he stares up at the noose. "Hnn," the first one grunts. "You still don't remember what made him decide to run. And I'm not going anywhere until I get to _jog your memory_."

" _No!_ " Tohru howls and uses his free hand to squeeze off a round at the first one's head. " _Don't_ —" I don't think I've ever heard him sound so desperate— " _You know I didn't mean—_ " Tohru cocks his gun and keeps it shakily trained on the shadow while Kanji runs over to try and drag him back again.

 _What the hell happened?_

Reading my mind, the first one looks innocently back over at me and my skin crawls. The bullet pops out of his forehead and he catches it, brings it up for inspection. "Would've been a good shot if I were completely human. Guess he's good for _something_."

He faces me again and says it so simply, so emotionlessly. "You already know about the injury, but I _don't_ believe you've figured out the rest of it." My hand automatically goes to my shoulder with its weird scars, feeling the old injury. "Almost killed you. Wasn't _enough_ to just let him—" He pauses to throw a nasty smirk at Tohru and bring his hands together in a deafening sound— _Way_ louder than it should have been.

We all jump and Kanji loses his grip on Tohru, who just _appears_ next to the shadow and wallops him good with the butt of the gun, catching him at the base of the skull. I see a surprised look as that one falls to the ground, laying still for only a second before chortling. He presses a hand where the gun connected.

Then the shadow coughs, throwing up black bile. I instinctively back away from the two of them—The first shadow _and_ Tohru.

Tohru's face twists in pain and he smacks himself again. " _Go away! You can't—_ " he howls.

"We _all_ do that," the shadow expounds for my benefit, ignoring Tohru and wiping his mouth, dull blackness smearing on his blue sleeve. "He does too—Did it that same day of the incident," he finishes, cocking his head in Tohru's direction.

Then he gets to his knees, a red glow starting to emanate from him again. He looks up at me, gritting his teeth. "Pulled _you_ back out and then his shadow casted Nanako on the Channel. Got Namatame to up his game and go after a child. _Our child._ "

I don't near enough have time to process that before the shadow clears his throat, rage in those light eyes. "Wasn't enough, eh? You gotta fucking kill _me_ , too? _Wanna go another round?_ " He spits more of the black stuff and makes it to his feet.

He starts to unclip his vest, and Tohru's eyes dart around, looking scared all of a sudden—Which frays the last of my nerves. "What're—" he tries and fails to produce words.

"Do you remember the _footsteps_ in the hallway? That was _me_ , not _you_. I sprouted from his head when you threw him in here all messed up." He walks towards Tohru, glowing more and downright _seething_. "Let them _all_ see what you did!" He throws the vest to the floor and Tohru lets loose a string of abuse while he fights to keep the shadow from unbuttoning his shirt—

He loses—

And then I have to look away from what must have been the original damage.

 _I feel sick—_

Can feel the contents of my own stomach trying to come back up.

It's _grotesque_ —

I don't know how the _hell_ he ever fixed it to what it is now. I dig my nails into the same place on my own body, gripping my stomach with my other hand; worried I'll throw up.

The first shadow turns in a small circle so everyone can get an eyeful of the wound—muscle and bone clearly visible—then turns back to me. "Do you _get it_ yet?" he demands. "You _can't_ do it. _Can't_ find anyone to really care about you for _you_ and _mean_ it. _Can't even take care of the family you have left._ And you'll be _alone_ forever—

He draws himself to his full, towering height. " _So let me have a crack at it. I'm sure I can do a better job of living than you—You miserable, wretched dumbass!_ "

The red glow is getting so bright it starts to burn. I stumble backwards, trying to inch behind Yukiko, who's suddenly right next to me.

The shadow's voice changes, sounds more warped and energetic. " _I'll do it. I'm the best of us three—The obvious choice! The other one just wants to die and you aren't far behind! So just give up! Give in!_ " He cackles, sounding insane. " _And I'll be the model citizen neither of you fuckers can stomach to remember!_ "

Tohru pulls out a second gun, backing up and shouting for Izanagi, who appears instantaneously.

"Shit!" Kanji screams. " _Get back!_ " He calls for his own persona and it jumps to life behind him. Then the kid raises a _goddamn car door_ above his head to fight with.

Rise shouts for Kanji and Tohru to get in front of Yukiko and I.

Yukiko holds the two giant fans defensively, her persona flaring in, too—And even then I barely remember I _have_ a weapon.

I fumble to relocate the nozzle of the flamethrower—hadn't realized I'd dropped it before—and point it ahead of me, spreading my feet for balance.

" _I_ am a shadow...! _The true self_...!" the first shadow clamors, now completely engulfed in red flames. The ground rumbles as it twists and writhes, seeming intent on turning into even more of a monster than before.

When the dust clears...

...he looks _exactly_ the same.

"Wh-what the hell?!" Kanji cries. "Nothing changed!"

"It does feel more power—" Rise starts, but is cut off by a loud _CRACK_.

We're all shocked as the shadow crumples to the floor, the bullet sticking this time. His hat flies off, revealing surprisingly light-blond hair—Which finally prompts surprised noises from most of us.

It turns out Tohru didn't miss a beat—He just shot him in the head again. Keeping his eyes trained on the fallen shadow, he again pulls the hammer on the Nambu and levels the Colt at him, too. " _Get up!_ " he roars, looking outraged. "We know you're not dead!" The shadow doesn't move, so Tohru advances, his face tight. "You're _not_ coming back with us! So _get the_ _fuck up_ and let him accept you."

"Don't get too close!" Rise shouts to Tohru.

Tohru sighs and sounds positive when he speaks; voice full of agitation. "He's _not_ going to hurt me." He waits while the shadow continues to play dead. "Am I the only one who's realizing he _isn't_ a reversed arcana?"

"He isn't what now?" Yukiko questions.

Tohru sighs, agitated. "He's not evil. He isn't going to hurt us..." Tohru closes the distance and kicks my first shadow hard in the shin, like he does when he's irritated with me. "Get up!"

"What?" Kanji asks. "That doesn't make sense..."

Tohru doesn't look back himself, but does point to the second shadow. " _That's_ the one you should be more worried about—This one just wants to come back with us."

Tohru turns to me. " _He can't,_ " he pointedly enunciates. "So you need to admit to the stuff that's true so he can rest—But seriously _—Rise keep your goddamn eyes on the other one!_ " he barks out that last part nervously. " _That_ one's a loose cannon. This one just wants him to know the truth and accept his old fears... And... _Fuck I don't know_ —Probably throw me out on my ass or— _Shut up!_ " he clutches at his head and howls, pulling his hair. " _Get fucking lost! I'm not letting you out!_ "

Yukiko glances at Kanji, both looking fairly disturbed. "Who does he keep talking to?" she nervously inquires; all of us hoping for some kind of an explanation.

" _He's_ trying to get me to let him out again. _I'm not._ And that's why we—" he wheels on the unmoving shadow, grabbing him by the hair and yanking him into a sitting position. "—are _not_ bringing _you_ with us, either— _You fucking follow-the-laws prick!_ You're _not_ getting a persona! So snap out of it and finish telling him your damn sob story so you can _disappear_!"

I'm baffled— _Completely_ lost now. This isn't how the other ones went at all.

I can't say it's comforting the others look just as puzzled.

Tohru keeps cursing the first shadow out until he finally opens his blue eyes and frowns. " _You're wrong,_ " I barely hear him whisper. " _I already have a persona._ " The bullet pops out of his head again and clatters to the floor.

"It's calming down—" Rise brightly comments, but cuts herself off. The shadow is glaring tightly at her, but stays quiet.

"Yeah," Tohru nods. "It's trying to pull what your bear-friend did. It's been in here for _more than five years_ , probably growing its own ego; its own thoughts and feelings and all that other bullshit— _But we shouldn't let any more shadows out._ "

The shadow grunts, knocking Tohru's hand away from his head to replace his hat. "You're only saying that because I _despise_ you!" It turns to the kids, angry but pleading. "I was going to bide my time until you took care of the other one, but that bastard figured it out— _I-I'll take his place and do a much better job!_ Give me a chance to—"

Tohru glares. "Stop it." He motions for me to walk over to them. "Tell him what you want him to know and dissolve," he loudly orders, grinding his teeth.

"I-I'm _part_ of you," the shadow mumbles, standing and glaring distrustfully, flicking his eyes between Tohru and I. "I'm part of you and _I exist_." His voice gets louder the more he goes on. "Even now I'm still in there," he says through gritted teeth, jabbing me in the chest the way I find myself doing to other people. Tohru grunts and childishly slaps his hand away from me.

The shadow and I sigh at the same time. Then we both make the same face at each other.

"Great," Tohru grumbles. "Like fucking twins." He pushes between us and speaks directly to the shadow, now. " _He's_ getting the persona out of that abomination over there. So you need to quiet down and disperse now."

 _First time I've ever seen Tohru act like a fucking cop._

The shadow's eyes widen, like he's remembering something. "I already _told_ you—I'm in there!" he shouts, and points to his own shoulder. "If I can get that piece of myself back I'll be whole and can leave this place! _And I have a persona—_ " he asserts. "I'm no different than all of you!"

The shadow peeks around Tohru to stare at me helplessly. I gaze back, unsure what the hell it even wants. I hold up my arms to show him I don't know anything. _It's better off pleading its case to Rise._

"Oh good," it mumbles. The shadow folds his arms and stares back at me, a smirk forming on his lips.

 _'Good intel.'_

"What?" I ask aloud.

 _'You can think it to me now._ ' The shadow taps his head and stares at me smugly.

" _Fuckfuckfuck!_ " Tohru screams and wheels around. " _Please_ tell me you can't hear it?"

 _'You can.'_

I grimace guiltily at Tohru.

Kanji steps foreword, raising an eyebrow. "Wh-what's going on guys?"

Tohru yanks at his hair, looking miserable. "I don't know how to get rid of it now. They can hear each other— _In their heads._ Urgh!" He stomps around, scratching. "That's when I couldn't get rid of mine—And it keeps trying to get back out. He could be a real problem, long-term." Tohru locks eyes with Kanji, then Rise, sensing they make the decisions.

"Uhh, that's," Kanji tries, his eyes sliding over to the idol. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Rise?" he calls. "You know anything about being able to hear each other in their heads?" She gestures in the negative. "Dammit! Gotta ask Ted then..."

 _'Small blond boy?'_ the shadow asks me.

I sigh heavily and press a hand to my temple. "Yes," I tell him aloud. "But he's taller now."

 _'Happens.'_

Kanji jolts. "Yes what?"

The shadow barks out a laugh and Tohru looks livid.

 _'I like seeing the bastard angry.'_

I groan and sit on the ground, trying to get my head to stop pounding.

 _'I get that, too. It's probably from the zio.'_

"Zio?" I ask, frowning at the shadow.

Tohru pistol whips the shadow again and yells at him to shut up. But the shadow's had enough— _Certainly got my temper._

 _'Can't send me away anymore, huh?_ ' Gaining confidence from that statement, he wrenches Tohru's favorite gun out of his hand and holds it out of reach. "I can bend this," he glowers. Tohru hisses but stands still until the shadow gives it back. Then he turns to me. "Give me back the piece."

I shake my head. "I don't know how."

The shadow frowns.

"Hah!" Tohru grunts triumphantly. "Then you _can't_ come back anyway."

"I can still try to kill him and take it myself," the shadow asserts.

Kanji steps forward, brandishing the car door. "Don't you friggin' try it!"

" _Everyone?_ " Rise asks, sounding concerned. "If he isn't going to be rash, we still need to do something about that one..."

The second shadow has climbed onto the desk and is inspecting the noose, now. He's already drunk the other bottle of liquor, its smashed pieces lining the floor around the desk.

"Here's what I'm hypothesizing: accept it fully and it'll go away. Accept it only partly and it'll become part of you. Ignore it and it'll take on a life of it's own, eventually becoming mostly human, like Teddie—And can get its own persona." Tohru squints, looking thoughtful. "Prove this has gone too far—that you have a persona—and we'll make a deal."

"Hnn." The blue-eyed shadow makes a throaty noise and holds up his hand. A blue card flashes in, spinning above his extended fingers. " _Yamantaka!_ " A monster appears to flow out of his body, forming behind him. "Maybe we don't _need_ to make a deal..."

The thing is a giant humanoid abomination—Some sort of beast hybrid. It has too many arms, all of which brandish daggers. Extra sets of eyes run down its cheeks; a single, unblinking demon-eye in the middle of its forehead. The thing has two human legs, coupled with four animalistic limbs sprouting from the torso. They end in hooves.

"Th-that's..." Rise breathes. " _Definitely_ a persona. Not just part of a shadow."

"Nnngh!" Tohru wails, clutching his head again. "Now we have to take it seriously..."

The not-shadow bellows out a laugh. "Yes you do!" he insists. " _I want out of here_ —Don't care how many of you I have to plow through... So figure something out or I'll obliterate you all! _I'm Ryota, and I'm here to stay_."

* * *

End Notes: These contain spoilers (for this chapter)!

Foremost: the rules Tohru postulates are what I'm going with. They line up with the story about his shadow and work well here, too. Also going to work in my favor for the future. They are, again: "Here's what I'm hypothesizing: accept it fully and it'll go away. Accept it only partly and it'll become part of you. Ignore it and it'll take on a life of it's own, eventually becoming mostly human, like Teddie—And can get its own persona."

I like how Teddie's coloring is the same as the velvet room attendants, except his eyes. So if one is "Teddie-ing", I figure they should BEAR (that was an honest accident) a similar palette.

I created my own persona! Yamantaka is mentioned on other pages, but does not have his OWN page in the SMT wiki, so I believe he has not been used in a game, yet. I read up on him a load and tried incorporating most of the main characteristics. Yes, I even made a stats/abilities sheet... I got super-serious about this! If I'm going to make one up, I should try to do it well! If you don't know his history, I encourage you to wait to read up, as his lore will be explained before this story ends. No; I didn't just pull this guy outta my ass—I had reasons!

Re-Edited 6/16/17


	38. A Hunch (Watakushi)

Notes: Here's a lot to chew on while I'm away! This chapter has DEFINITELY been the most fun to write for Watakushi! I've been really looking forward to the actual shadow confrontation... But there are some super fun parts in this, and those are kinda my favorite.

NEWS! Today I'm OFFICIALLY adding the Nanako/Teddie tag! It's kind of been building in that direction, and I think Nanako knows and is cool with it, and Teddie's figuring it out—He'll get a push tomorrow from somewhere I find semi-unexpected. Let's see how it turns out! (Because the scene referenced in today's chapter I'm now redoing tomorrow's! DON'T EVEN CARE. NO REGRATS! WORTHIT! OMG GONNA BE BEARIFFIC!)

[***And FYI don't be concerned: I'm not writing explicit stuff about them and seriously you even think Ted knows what that literally means? lol***]

* * *

Chapter Nine: Learning

(Tohru)

The next visitor is planned, but the knock at the door still makes us jump. "I got it," I assure Ryoutarou, walking to unlock it myself this time.

 _Heh. Made me a good trade, but I don't like how powerful she is..._

I open the door to a sullen Kubo. _At least this one I can take fairly—Or overpower._

"Hello," I say, holding up a hand.

 _Goals—What can I learn and how much can I trust this one?_

The kid gives me a forced smile and steps inside, kicking off his ratty sneakers. I hear the glass door slam and know Ryoutarou went outside. _Easier for me._

I lead Kubo to the living room and press mute on the TV remote. He places a large paper bag on the table and I hand him the cash.

"Thanks~" I say, slapping on a smile. "Knew we could work something out!"

Kubo eyes me warily. "So what's the situation here?" he asks, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.

I take my time inspecting the games he brought me before I answer. _Let him wait._

"Well," I dramatically sigh. "Some of us retained our powers—Though I'm guessing you _didn't_." Kubo nods, looking peeved at that. _Good._ "We're tying up some loose ends right now—Private business... But I'm hoping when it's over we won't need to bother with all this again."

 _That's probably not true. Hasn't been the pattern thus far..._

Kubo seems to buy it. "Okay," he says. "So what's the story with the little shadow?"

"He was trying to get my persona to reawaken—Said it's better to keep it for protection." _Mostly true._

"I see." After that comment, he's quiet for a while, just watching me tear into my new stuff.

"You, uh, play any of these?" I ask.

 _He just keeps staring like he wants me to talk or something._

Kubo nods. "Yeah. You'll like the new Danganronpa. I played it straight through on a weekend..." The corners of his mouth lift in an bitter smile. "You know how it is—Nothing else to do."

"Y-yup~" I catch my faltering and turn it into a happier sound at the end, showing off my practiced smile again. "So boring around here!"

"Hah, yeah," Kubo agrees. "Don't know why I came back..."

I scratch my head, genuinely unsure how to reply. "We-well," I begin. "You know what they say—The devil you know and all that!"

He smiles a tired, but more honest, smile this time. "Yeah."

 _And I feel like maybe I get him a little bit—_

 _Hmm..._

 _Damn—Do I really want to?_

 _..._

 _I do..._

"You like any multiplayer games? Like Tekken or rhythm games and stuff?" I ask, trying to sound offhand. Kubo nods. "Then come back sometime when it's just me, okay?"

"Sure," Kubo replies, sounding a little more like a kid. "But why do you hang around with the cop anyway?"

"Ehh," I reply, toying with the charger. "Friendships are weird..."

Kubo chuckles—He really has a deep voice. "Tell me about it! Well, I'll head out then... Let me know."

"I will," I say and mean it, feeling my own expression turning more real. I follow him to the front door to lock it. Then I rap on the glass door to let Ryoutarou know he's gone before I plug in my new system.

"Happy with yourself?" he asks, grinning at me as he walks back inside.

I grimace, feeling guilty for being friendly to Kubo. "I think so."

"Good." Ryoutarou takes a seat on the couch and opens a book while I take the plastic wrap off everything.

 _Then—Out of fucking left-field—_

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" he asks me.

"With you," I forcefully form the words without even thinking. Then I consider what else to add. "Here... With a job?" I scratch my face. "Yeah! That sounds good~" I laugh uncomfortably.

He gazes at me. "Mm-hmm. What about in ten?"

" _Years?_ " I can feel myself start to sweat—Don't have an answer.

 _I know I said I'd try planning more, but..._

 _That's a fucking long time!_

Ryoutarou nods his head sincerely and I try to form words. "Eeh—Er— _Same?_ I mean... If that's _o-okay_..."

 _Dammit—Now I feel self-conscious. I just had to make it sound like I was asking permission._ I hiss out a sigh and look over at Ryoutarou to try and guess what he's thinking.

He looks pensive. "Yes..." he tentatively replies. "Ah, maybe we'd move, but..."

" _Move?_ " I question. "Move _where_?" I wouldn't have thought of that.

"The house is a bit big for two people," he remarks.

I shrug. "I guess. How long do you think Nanako will want to live at home?"

Ryoutarou frowns and shakes his head. "I don't know. Most move out these days. And—" he grinds his teeth, looking away and clearly trying to spit something out. "I th-thought you might want us to pick our o-own house."

"Y-yeah?" I ask, scratching at my head. I suddenly don't know what to do with my hands. His freaking shyness is catchy sometimes. I squirm, inching closer to him. "I'd like that," I honestly tell Ryoutarou.

He smiles and slings his arm around my shoulders, pulling to lean on him. I feel myself smiling a little, too. Like there's 'happy' spreading out from my core. I can't say I've had something quite like this before.

I glance up at Ryoutarou, knowing it's because of him. He stares back, a question behind his eyes—As if he's not positive I like his idea.

"I want that," I murmur.

He grins and kisses the top of my head, a gesture I find annoying so I try to squirm away. Ryoutarou just laughs and holds me tighter. I grumble and halfheartedly struggle because he always finds that funny—Me trying to get away—As of there's somewhere else I'd rather be—

But I wouldn't tell him that.

 _And I think at this point he knows._

I get pulled into a hug that's pretty one-sided cause I can't hug with my _back_. I sit there and huff, feeling like some animal that's been picked up wrong.

Of course that elicits another chuckle, which makes Ryoutarou start getting touchy. He slides his hand underneath my sweatshirt and rests it on my side like all he wants is to be able to touch me.

 _I like that feeling, too. Like being around me is a privilege. I don't care of the rest of the world is shit if I can feel like I belong all the time._

I lean back more, and tip my head up, letting myself _look_ needy instead of just feeling like I want everything— _Need everything_.

I don't like this showing. It feels _too open_.

 _Like I have nowhere to hide._

Ryoutarou can read my face well enough and returns my dark expression with another of his new smiles—One of the ones that looks like he's satisfied and not just a ball of unhappiness that's simply _less angry_ for one moment.

He loosens his grip on my so I can turn around and lean up to kiss him. I can see he's still smiling with his eyes as he returns it, lightly pressing a hand to the middle of my back to pull me even closer.

Soon I'm leaning on him more than I planned, practically pushing his head into the top of the top of the couch. I move to back away, but Ryoutarou only snickers and sits up straighter.

"You're _fine_ , Tohru."

I feel my mouth quirk into a frown, knowing it hasn't always been 'fine' when I move without thinking.

He clears his throat. "You, ah, want to..." he tails off.

 _Sure I 'ah, want to...'_

I smirk and move in for another kiss, reaching down to touch him. He lets out a groan and fumbles his hand under the back of the sweatshirt, suddenly in a rush to just get it _off_. I can't help laughing at how soupy his mind goes when I so much as touch his bottom half, even through his clothes.

Then I have to hold my arms up because he's yanking it over my head whether I'm in the right position or not. I roll my eyes and snicker while he rips off his own shirt.

I smile sadly, running my hands over his shoulders. "Sorry," I mutter, sighing.

He shrugs, grinning crookedly and locking eyes with me. "You're telling the truth this time?" I nod, unsure where he's going. "I pushed you... _It's alright._ " He says the last part so gently I feel like my heart's smashing.

 _Why do you always make me feel these awful, weird emotions?_

 _I don't like them._

 _I don't..._

 _I do..._

 _But they hurt_ _._

 _All you're doing is slowly rubbing my back and telling me '_ it's alright' _and I feel like my insides are seizing up._

I try to fall back to sit on my feet, but he doesn't let me go. Ryoutarou sighs contentedly and hoists me forward to lean him and I don't want to. I don't deserve it.

" _Oi..._ " I hear him say. "Stop it—Don't do that... _It's okay—_ I love you..."

I let out a sharp noise, and squeeze my eyes shut.

 _Too much to think about..._

"—o I _don't_."

My eyes snap open. " _What?_ " I whisper, shocked.

Ryoutarou yanks me away as his eyes search the room, trying to find the source of noise, clearly not realizing that—

" _It's—!_ " I yawp.

He looks back to me and shakes his head, muddled half-words dying at the back of his throat—Looking like someone slapped the shit out of him for no reason.

"—ot tru—" We both freeze as the words come in and out, sounding like someone pissed yelling through a bad connection. "— _ying_! You're n—me."

Ryoutarou digs his nails into my back and I sit completely still, straining to listen better. "Wh-where is...?" he quietly asks me.

I nod, placating, and hold a finger to my lips.

"—ould _never_ —a—"

I shake my head—

 _And how does he not hear it?_ "It sounds just like—"

" _—iece of shit like you!_ "

Ryoutarou gulps air. "That's _me_!"

"Not good," I mutter and jump to my feet. We don't hear it again, but I pace the room, thinking. Ryoutarou quickly puts his shirt back on and throws me mine.

 _'Naga,'_ I concentrate. _'What's it like up there?'_

 _'Only me. But there was a disturbance. Someone speaking.'_

 _'...need me. You need me. YOU NEED MEYOUNEEEE'_

I shake my head and sharply box my own ear, trying to get rid of the useless noise.

 _'Sorry. That was definitely from inside?'_ I ask.

The inference kicks up again, an unabating screech—

 _'EEEEDDDDDMEEEEEEEEEE'_

 _'Yes.'_ Naga.

 _'Okay. As long as nothing comes out, we're good.'_

 _'YYYYYOOOOOUUUUUUUNNNNEEEEEEEE—'_

"Urgh! Shut up!" I crouch down and smack my head again.

When I climb back to my feet, Ryoutarou is next to me, looking concerned. "Tohru...?" he asks, nervous.

I wave him off. "I'm fine. It's nothing... And nothing's coming out. We're still good to wait till tomorrow."

 _'A hand!'_ I hear Naga gasp.

"Whoo," I sigh. "Fuck! Maybe I spoke too soon—" I dash up the stairs, with Ryoutarou at my heels. I rip the lock free, yanking on the door an instant later.

Inside my room, Naga is waving his spear at a large, human hand. It looks like it's trying to grab onto something— _anything_ —for purchase!

I dive for the couch, tugging my favorite Nambu from underneath. I'm back on my feet in an instant aiming at the _familiar_ hand.

"Let it go," I yell, and Naga backs off, changing its stance to defensive. "Black Frost!"

 _'...eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee...'_

The demon leisurely rolls in through the window as the noise fades out again. "Ho!" it squeaks. "Hooo no!" He shakes his head. "It really _won't_ be a shadow for much longer, hoo..."

"Huh?!" I gawk, completely lost. "What does _that_ mean?! How could—" I pause, squeezing off a round at the television and watching as it gloops in, making an unearthly sound as it passes through the 'screen'. The hand stills for a beat, then slams itself down on the bottom of the window, trying to pull its body through. "But that's—" I shake my head in disbelief. "Can it _get through_?"

Black Frost shakes his head, floating closer and pointing to where the hand is struggling, veins bulging. "Can't pull itself up, see-hee?"

I walk closer to the TV and grit my teeth together, knowing my face must look grim.

 _That hand.._.

"You didn't mean _my_ worlds." My eyes flick between Ryoutarou and the small demon. "You meant one of _our_ worlds..." I grunt and gesture to myself and Ryoutarou.

"Hee," it vocalizes, sounding irritated. "As I said, ho!"

I tear my gaze between Ryoutarou the demon—Can see both look anxious. " _And_ you said it's not a shadow because..." I hold my hands on both the side of my head, trying to concentrate.

After reaching a conclusion— _a bad conclusion_ —I turn back to the TV and motion behind my back for Ryoutarou to leave. He does, but doesn't close the door all the way, standing still and trying to listen in.

"You two stay," I order and chuff, stomping around while trying to form a plan.

I exit and _do_ close the door all the way this time, sliding the lock home. I grab Ryoutarou's arm and drag him into the bathroom, shutting the hallway door and walking all the way to the shower room; closing that one as well. I pace for a minute, aggravated and unable to stop aggressively scratching at my head.

I turn to Ryoutarou after calming down a little. "We've got a problem."

He nods, concluding that was the case.

"We need to move on your shadow ASAP. It's changing." He tentatively nods again, not knowing what that means. I wave my hands around, trying to articulate something. "Don't go in my room again. We'll keep it locked from the outside and I told you—Nothing that big could crawl out of the tiny TV downstairs, so we don't need to worry about that one—Though it can _listen_. So don't say anything important... Anywhere _near_ a TV, really."

I yank out my mobile to shoot off a text to Nanako and Teddie, saying to keep their yaps shut about _absolutely everything_ when they're in the vicinity of a television.

"Anything I can do?" Ryoutarou nervously asks.

I huff, pacing and grumbling. "Well I _was_ going to have you watch some of the tapes, but I don't want to show it my hand..." I thump the wall. "We _really_ have to wait until Saturday?" I demand.

"That's what Kanji said," Ryoutarou reminds me.

"I'm giving him a call," I growl, finding his contact. He picks up on the first ring. "Bad news central!" I sarcastically spit.

"Adachi," he moans. "What now?"

I start pacing again, unable to stand still. "It's trying to get out of the TV. We should move _now_. It's trying to change itself—We shouldn't wait."

"Huh?" the boy asks me, lost.

I groan loudly. "It's reacting to the— _It's a long story!_ " I snap, holding my head. "In short, Teddie was right— _Also it's trying to be like Teddie_." This is so complicated! "Argh! It's trying to find the piece stuck in Ryoutarou and I think—" I cut myself off as I hear the voice in my head get louder again, roaring at me.

 _'YOU THINK? Idiot! I told you it's the piece I smartly jammed in there! Just let—'_

"Okay! Was _definitely_ me," I admit, getting better at tuning it out after getting what I needed. "And that's _definitely_ what it's looking for."

"You can't hold it off till morning at least? Yuki was _insistent_ —"

I can't help roaring at Kanji in my frustration. " _It is trying to get out of the goddamn television for fucks' sake!_ Have _you_ ever seen that before—A hand reaching out of the TV? _It's like The-Godforsaken-Ring but with a full-grown, muscular adult who will literally tear me limb-from-goddamn-limb!_ " I pause for a second— _seething_ —and not receiving a response. " _No? Nothing?!_ " I stop again to catch my breath. "Well then if we're waiting, _you_ can get _your_ goddamn ass over here and help out!"

"He doesn't have to..." Ryoutarou starts, looking guilty.

" _You_ shut up!" I wheel on him. Ryoutarou backs away holding up his hands and I sigh and try to swallow my anger—Need to bite it back so I can speak clearly. "We might need the help."

"Ah," Kanji mutters. "I can be there in an hour—I need to work till then. That gonna be all right?"

"Sure!" I grumble, jamming the 'end' button. "...Sorry," I absently mumble to Ryoutarou. He rolls his eyes and pats my back. "This is bad... Let's take this party downstairs. They'll be home soon... Lot to do..."

 **#**

After dinner and bringing the others up to speed, I tap Nanako on the shoulder. "I've got to talk to you about something."

She nods and we slip out the front door and amble into the yard. _I've got another hunch—And I've got to let her know._

"Wait for me!" I hear as Captain Chatty rushes out the door behind us, looking less upbeat than usual. He's been furtively glancing at Nanako all night, looking like he's waiting for her to yell at him for something—And by 'furtively' I mean 'obvious to everyone else'.

"You might be helpful," I grudgingly admit, eyeing the boy. I fold my arms and look at the kids. "At least Ted knows Elizabeth, right?"

The boy nods eagerly. "She's super helpful! Super bear-liable!" He breaks out in his first grin of the evening. "Did you see her?!"

"Well yeah," I reply. "That's the only thing I haven't told you yet..." I turn to Nanako. "Has anyone strange approached you? Like with yellow eyes? Or lookin' like an albino?"

"No..." She shakes her head, confused.

"I don't think she knows Elizabeth," Teddie tells me, holding up his hands. "But you'd like her, Nana-chan! She's really funny!"

"Oh yeah!" I snort. "Real fucking laugh riot... She barged in today and we nearly crapped ourselves! Unlocked the door with her fucking mind and walked right into the damn house!" I grumble. "She mentioned something about 'another Fool' and said it was a 'her'—That she'd 'hoped to meet her', like she thought she'd find this person in the house, too."

Teddie's eyes practically pop out of his head! "It could be Nanako! _It could be Nanako!_ Like Sensei!" He's still cheering and waving his arms around like he doesn't know how to react, but like its something that needs a lot of energy.

"Geez! Yeah... All right all right!" I brush off his over-excitement and turn back to Nanako. "It could be really good for you, _or it could be a fuckload of trouble_!" I grab the boy's head to make him stand still. "That's why I was trying to tell her _calmly_. Good job, Bear!" I groan and scratch my head.

"Why would it ever be a _bad_ thing?" Teddie asks, clueless.

"And what does that _mean_?" Nanako breaks in, not entirely in the know.

I sigh. "Well if you go about it the right way it means there's something you'll need to fix or to stop. Angry humans and gods on rampages... You know by now most of the stuff with your cousin—He had a hell of a time... It was..." I trail off. " _Y-you know!_ " I spit, flustered. "Taking care of everything."

 _—Everything I fucked up._

"That's fine," she earnestly tells me, shrugging one shoulder. "I'd like that—Protecting my town like Big Bro!"

"Nnh!" _This is exasperating!_ "Just make sure you know what you're doing—Talk to your stupid cousin if you have to. _Just make sure you have all the information._ "

I sigh to myself and walk back in the house. I can't do anything if she's already practically made her decision— _That whole family so frigging stubborn!_

The living room reaches new levels of _uncomfortableness_ after that...

Ryoutarou and Kanji are rolling out futons on the tatami, and there are pillows and blankets on the couch... I thought Kanji was gonna put theirs down here and _we'd_ stay upstairs...

 _Oh boy..._

"We're..." I start, and the two men look over at me. " _All_ sleeping down here?"

"Go sleep in _your_ room if you got a problem!" Kanji barks.

"Have you _seen the size_ _of a naga_?" I grumble.

Teddie is already bouncing off the walls, jumping around the room. At least someone's happy. " _It's like a sleepover!_ " he exclaims. "I _love_ sleepovers! Couch! _Couch!_ " he hollers.

"Nanako gets the couch," Ryoutarou admonishes, not even bothering to look at the kid.

"I can share!" the boy foolishly declares and I can't help bursting out in a laughing fit.

 _He's gonna get decked before morning..._

And _now_ Ryoutarou's looking at him— _Like he's going to fucking murder him._

Teddie doesn't even bat an eye—Can't be bothered to notice things like people reacting to him in a bad way. He just goes ahead with his plan and sticks pillows at both ends with a blanket in the middle—Throwing everyone else's pillows to the floor without a care. "I'm a good guard-bear!" he proclaims.

Kanji collects the other pillows without otherwise getting involved. Guess he's at least smarter than _that_.

"That's fine," Nanako yawns. "I do feel safe with him around." She climbs on one end of the couch with a book.

"But— _But—_ " Ryoutarou splutters, losing ground before he can even speak. Teddie's already rolling the fourth futon back up to toss it into the other room. It's a sloppy mess, of course—But it isn't like _I'd_ do any better.

I snicker again, choosing the futon left in the middle. I slide it closer to Ryoutarou's and kick Kanji's away when no one's looking.

It's too quiet. I can tell the kids are getting tired... Teddie's head keeps drooping and it makes Nanako giggle. When he finally announces that it's his bedtime I roll my eyes—I'd seen it miles away.

"I'm gonna fall asleep..." Teddie yawns loudly. "G'night~"

We all tell him 'goodnight' back. I see him nudge Nanako with his foot.

The boy beams and says one more specifically to her. "Goodnight, Nana-chan! Sleep well~"

"Thanks, Teddie," she smiles really nice and kind at him. "You, too."

He taps her foot excitedly. "I love you~!" he happily tells her, his bleary face looking like it's going to explode from emotions nonetheless. "I love _all_ of you!" he addends, looking at each of us and sounding like he means both statements truthfully— _But five-hundred percent in that specific order._

"I love you too; we all do," she easily replies and laughs. And he's all smiles as he lays down and nestles under the blanket. He's out like a light—I'm not exaggerating when I say that I don't think it takes even a _minute_!

But his honesty and truthfulness make me more alert. I feel uncomfortable— _Itchy and worried inside._

Nanako marks her book and snuggles under the sheet, too. She looks content...

 _That he's able to so innocently—yet so honestly—say something like that and mean it! And completely spur-of-the-moment, from the looks of it!_

 _I can't do it at all..._

 _And he's only been alive for a little over five years!_

 _It's..._

 _...Really..._

 _...Amazing._

I shake my head: suddenly very, _very_ jealous of the dumb-but-seemingly-charmed boy. When I look at the others' reactions, not even Ryoutarou seems fazed to have heard him say it so openly—Which surprises me because he usually gets irritated when the kid is so clingy to his daughter...

 _But you know..._

She _could_ do a load worse! He's one of the most— _no, he is the most_ —caring, truly hopeful, and determined people I've ever come across. He's genuinely who he is—Doesn't need to work at being nice or understanding. _He just is._

 _I wish I could be more like that..._

 _To think that I could be so implicitly trusting and downright happy-go-lucky about more things and people—_

 _That it were easier for me to express how I feel in a way that can be understood so simply—_

 _In a way that isn't awkward and doesn't to be clarified._

So Nanako and Teddie do indeed sleep toe-to-toe on the couch—They're out before eleven. And fuck—I've never heard such a skinny kid snore _so loudly_!

And Kanji and I have decided ourselves—through ' _discussion_ ' _—_ that the rest of us will stay up all night to be on the lookout. Together.

 _Kanji doesn't trust me._

 _But I'm not leaving this to him._

 _If Ryoutarou fucking falls asleep on us, forget the shadow I'll freaking kill him myself..._

Of course after about twenty minutes of silence, Ryoutarou doesn't even try to pretend he's staying awake. I lay on my stomach, playing one of my new games while Kanji pretends to read and _not_ be interested... But _I_ see him sneaking looks when it makes dramatic noises. I try to hide my smirk and see him frown.

"I can get something from upstairs, if you want~" I glibly chant.

" _I'm fine,_ " the punk replies, sticking his head further into whatever crap magazine he's pulled out now.

I set down the game. "Uh- _huh_. Don't fall asleep, now~"

"Shut up, Tohru," Ryoutarou mumbles. "At least _try_ to get along..."

That makes Kanji throw me a shit-eating grin. I glare.

 _Not having that!_

I turn the volume up loud enough that he can hear _everything_ , but not too loud to wake the kids who are further away or get yelled at by Ryoutarou—Who's maybe going a little deaf. I enjoy it until the battery dies. Then I huff and crawl over to the wall to plug it in again.

When I finally look around, I notice that now the kid's knitting! And Ryoutarou's completely out. And now there are _two_ _people snoring like fucking foghorns_.

 _I could wake someone or badger Kanji._

 _Choices..._

"Picked up any _new_ hobbies yet?" I gibe at Kanji, knowing _he's_ mostly just bluster. "I thought knitting was for old grannies~"

"It's crocheting, _dumbass_ ," he rebukes me.

I shrug. "Am I supposed to know the difference?"

Kanji shoots me a look, but doesn't reply.

 _He's more patient than he used to be. That's no fun..._

 _And now I'm bored..._

I sit quietly and watch Kanji form a cylindrical shape with the yarn. "What're you making?"

"A bear," he replies after a time.

"But it's red..."

Kanji glances up, a sharp look in his eyes. "So? There a law that say bears can't be red?" he challenges.

"Whoa~" I hold up my hands. "Just asking!"

"Nn."

 _..._

 _..._

 _Quiet..._

"So _why's_ it red?" I ask.

Kanji sighs, slipping the hook out to tie it off. He glances at the kids. "I wanted to use some of the yarn Ted dyed. The color's too uneven, but he tried hard. So I'm making him a bear." He shrugs. "He does his best."

"Yeah..."

"You be nice to him," Kanji chides. "I mean it. I know he was over here earlier helping you. If you hurt any of them I'll _beat the crap_ out of your ass." He says it in a tired voice, but I know he means it.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah..."

"I'm serious. We're working together now, but I don't see a reason to trust you."

"Not even that _they_ trust me?" I gesture to the sleeping people.

Kanji looks pensive, as though he's trying to gather his thoughts. "Did you do it?" he asks me. "Did you kill those two guys in your block?"

I feel myself tense. "And why would you think _that_?" I defensively reply.

"Gut feeling," he admits.

" _I took care of myself—_ That's all I'll say."

The boy stares me down. "Don't pull that shit here, okay? Give me your word as a man."

"Sure," I laugh. "But I've been doing well, haven't I?"

Kanji shakes his head. "We're not even through the first _week_ of your time back and we're already camped out in the friggin' living room to make sure nothing comes to attack us. I don't want any more of this crap."

" _Technically_ it's Friday now— _That's a week~_ "

"Ooh no!" Kanji hisses. "This started the other day. You don't get to call it a week."

I wave my hand, like it's beneath bothering with. "All the same to me..."

"I'm telling you it _isn't_."

"And _I'm_ saying you're wrong~"

"Hoo..." Kanji grumbles, placing the bear's body on his futon. He stands to get a glass of water. "You can go to sleep, Adachi. I've got this."

 _No way. I wanna know what the monster in my head's thinking..._

"It's not a big deal!" I smile and fold my arms behind my head. "Like a sleepover, as Teddie said~"

"Sleepover in hell..." I hear him mutter.

I cup my hand to my ear. "I he~ard that~" I sing a little too loudly.

"Shut up..." Ryoutarou sleepily mumbles throwing his arm in my general direction. "...noisy..." I lean over to pick it up, shoving it back to his futon, rolling my eyes.

Kanji snickers, choking on his water. "You heard the old man!" he snickers when he recovers.

 _I just don't get it..._

"What do you _get_ out of all this, Kanji-kun?" I finally question— _Meaning it._

He stares at me stupidly, but I'm not buying it. "Out of what...?"

" _This—_ " I wave my hand around, jumping up to move closer so I can speak more quietly. "Playing the tough guy and protecting everybody."

He squishes up his face. "Same as you, I think..."

I groan. "Then humor me. What do _you_ think _I_ get out of it, huh?" I know I'm sounding aggressive, but can't bite it back this time. _I don't get him._

"Uhh..." Kanji vocalizes, scratching his neck. "I like helping my friends... It's fun?"

"Sure," I snort. " _This is fun~_ "

He frowns. "I like that I _can_ help. Sometimes there's _nothing_ you can do. That's the worst."

I tentatively nod. _That part is true..._

"Whatever," I sigh.

I her Kanji's phone ding and wonder who the hell would still be up. I can see the clock and it's almost four.

"Ah yeah!" Kanji quietly whoops, pumping his fist.

"What're you so happy about, meathead?"

He frowns, but then lightens up and waves me off. "They're gonna come in on the first train! Rise was able to take off earlier."

" _'They'?_ " I repeat.

Kanji grins this time. "It's supposed to be a surprise, but Kanami-chan is coming too! She got the okay to skip out with Rise for a few days!"

I shake my head, clicking my tongue. "And who's that?"

"C'mon!" Kanji insists. "Mashita Kanami! Kanamin!" I shrug. " _Kanamin Kitchen, man!_ You gotta know them! She visits every once in a while—Nanako _loves_ her!"

I fold my arms and walk back out to the kitchen, where he's still looking stupidly happy. "Back up a bit. I'm not getting the connection."

"Huh?" the idiot voices. "I know she still talks to Ojisan and Nanako. She's really close with them—They spent a few intense days together during the Ai Meets Kizuna Fes—" Kanji cocks his head to the side, looking so stupid. "You _really_ don't know about this? There were shadows and gods and everything!"

"It sounds like something I _should_ know about!" I retort, feeling my face twitching. " _So why don't you fill me in, Kanji!_ "

"Aah..." the kid backs up, looking less sure of himself. He does that annoying thing where he scratches his neck.

"I'm _waiting_!"

" _Keep it down, you two morons!_ " Ryoutarou hisses, sounding more awake than earlier.

Kanji's face lights up in a relieved way. "Oi, Ojisan— _You_ can explain it all to him if you're up. About Kanami-chan and Nanako and the dancing and—" he stops midway, looking confused. "What? You want _me_ to tell 'im...? Or..." He squints across the room.

I sigh at his denseness and whip around in time to see Ryoutarou still violently slicing hand his across his throat, silently urging Kanji to shut the hell up. I give him a withering look and he lets out a groan, smacking his forehead.

I stare at him pointedly. "Someone better start talking because this has just been upgraded to _have-to-know_ priority."

"Let's go outside," Ryoutarou grumbles. "I know you're going to start screeching..."

" _What?_ " I shoot back, suspicious.

"Like that," he replies. "Pour me a cup of coffee." Ryoutarou yawns and goes out through the glass door.

Kanji watches in shock as I pull an uncapped—probably flat—half-empty bottle of cola out of the fridge and dump the rest of it into the mostly-full coffee carafe. " _Sure, I'll get you a goddamn cup of coffee..._ "

"Are you sure you—" I glare at Kanji and he shuts up. I dump in extra sugar from the cabinet—or flour or whatever. I don't bother to read the label. Who knows? Could be goddamn baking soda.

 _Guess we'll find out in a minute..._

I carry the coffee outside, smiling genuinely. I hand it to him and walk out onto the patio—Out of reach.

"Thanks," Ryoutarou sighs and takes a sip. He immediately spits it out, making a gagging sound. " _What the fu—_ " he manages before he makes another choking noise and spits on the ground a few more times, grimacing. "Dammit, Tohru!"

Ryoutarou sniffs the concoction and groans. "What _is_ it?" he moans, setting the cup on the ground.

"Ooh, right! You _don't_ like sugar!" I sneer.

" _That_ was _not_ sugar."

I shrug. "My mistake."

He cuffs the side of my head. "Ass."

"So what's the story here?" I push.

Ryoutarou sighs. "You know who Kanami is?"

I frown. "I don't live under a rock. I had _television_!"

He rolls his eyes. "In all seriousness—That kid's had it _tough_. She saw the person she looked up to hang herself. I helped her research it and remember what happened, and Nanako really bonded with her. She writes to Nanako a lot and sends us her CDs... Calls sometimes and chats with us. She visited a few times, but not for almost a year, now... I figured I'd tell you when it came up."

He shrugs his shoulders. "Didn't know she was coming with Rise—As far as I know, she doesn't have a persona..."

"Okay. That wasn't hard, was it?" I prod.

"You can be weird about these things," Ryoutarou protests. "You act right to her— _Not_ like with Kanji." Ryoutarou smirks. "Or Nanako'll give you hell. You know, they said she could debut if she wanted—After she was in that show. She decided against it, but as far as I know, the door's still open."

"That's..." I shake my head. "Wow. I didn't know that," I tell him.

"Mmhm. It's cute," Ryoutarou laughs. "I can hear her dancing in her room sometimes. Lot of thumping on the floor... But... I don't know why Kanami isn't like the others. Kanji's since told me there were shadows and things there, too—That Nanako was actually telling off that girl's own shadow and didn't know it. Funny how everything shakes out."

"Yeah," I agree. "But worry about your _own_ shadow... This means you know what they're like, if you saw all that."

Ryoutarou groans. "It's going to be _fine_. I'm seeing this through."

"I know... It's just..." I shake my head and lean against him. "It's hard for me to feel so sure. So much of this is going to be on you, and you're doing good—really—taking it all pretty well... But it's still a lot and you're going to have to work out whatever's thrown at you on your own—And _quick_. It'll only be all right if you're really okay with it."

"I'll check in on what it says. We'll talk it out—All the _kids_ have been through it."

"Kids don't know all the bad stuff out there yet—In some ways it's easier for them to admit to their faults."

He chuckles and rubs my head while I try to duck away. "You still don't trust me. Will you _ever_?"

"We'll see," I yawn.

"My short time getting to know Kanami—and the opportunity to watch Nanako giving something new her best... That's one of the main things that got me to go visit you for the first time. Before I had been too afraid—" Ryoutarou breaks off his sentence with a weighty sigh.

"I was... I was petrified that I wouldn't be able to talk to you—Before the Ai Meets Kizuna ordeal, I couldn't get anywhere _near_ processing it all and I was terrified I and would wind up not being able to love you anymore or to forgive you or whatever I wanted—I-I didn't _kn-know_ what I wanted and hadn't thought that part through! I didn't even think about what was _next_. I had no idea where to go from where I was."

Ryoutarou rubs the bridge of his nose and continues. "I was also scared that you'd be a shithead— _which you absolutely were, for the record_. I let those thoughts intimidate me. I let it all keep me away for a long time and I let myself get more and more fearful and worked-up and over-analytical..."

He pauses and doesn't look at me, but gropes for my hand in the darkness. And for once, when I feel him searching, I help him find it.

 _Try not to think about why—_

 _But..._

 _Because I know that wasn't easy for him to do—Or to tell me._

 _And I know I was a jackass—Still thinking I could just push him away..._

 _One of the few—countable on a hand missing digits—meaningful relationships I've ever had._

"But look—It was like I feared: _was_ the worst-case scenario. You were _terrible_ —a real bastard—but I got through it and realized all I could think about for the next week was going back to see you again... I wanted to make sure you were safe and taken care of— _Your broken fingers really shook me good, asshole!_ "

He pauses again after yelling and sighs. Squeezes my hand. "If I could do all _that_ , I think I can confidently face my shadow. I-I don't know—c-can't imagine—what could be worse than having lost the people I've been in love with—Twice—

I hear him grinding his teeth. " _Because that's what it was like, you know."_

Ryoutarou stops again and groans. "I didn't think I could get through it a second time... And—" He sucks in a big breath and holds it for a minute. " _And because of you I did almost lose Nanako, too—_ I..." He squeezes his eyes shut and grunts. "I need to say it and let it out. _That made me so angry—_ If you hadn't helped the little bit you did— _If she had died_ —You should know I would've killed you bare-handed."

After a bout of silence, I try speaking. "You, uh, _should've_ killed me if she didn't come back..."

Ryoutarou groans. " _Yes_ , but that wasn't the takeaway, moron."

I laugh a little. "I know."

" _Never write me off,_ " he concludes, saying it forcefully so I get the picture. "And I'll do the same for you." He pulls me to lean on him. "So how's that? I've been thinking it through, and I want to know if you're able say _that_ back to me. Is it easier than love—Something you _can_ honestly promise?"

"Yeah," I easily reply, another yawn slipping out. _I'm shocked that was so easy, but it is true..._ "I can do that. I can give you all the chances— _I-I think._ "

Ryoutarou smiles—I can't see it, but I _know_. I feel him sigh and he then pushes me to lie on his leg. "You get some sleep. It's almost time to get up and I slept for a few hours—But your damn bickering woke me up."

I don't argue. I _am_ beat and I should be in good condition for today's mission. "Okay." I roll over to lay in a better position and dangle my feet off the stoop. "I will always give you more chances," I repeat hoping I sound more sure.

Because I think I _can_ do that...

... _Have_ done it so far.

I'm happy there's something I can say and find true. That it feels more like the kind of commitment that he's been so adamant about himself, but that this meets me more where I'm at— _Feels less impossible._

"I still love you," he chuckles and smacks my head.

" _Yeah, yeah..._ " I grumble, drifting off.

* * *

Other Notes: Also of importance, please know that I've gone through Watakushi and (while I didn't re-edit my mistakes because I reread it in bed last night when I couldn't sleep) I did pick out all the loose ends I need to address before the story ends... Think I got 'em all! You should know by now that I don't always write events in the order they chapter/occur, so then I end up having to work stuff back in that hasn't re-arisen "naturally". And when I push chapters so frequently, I can't go back and add stuff in. It feels too wrong for people following it to change details.

And speaking of being natural—I've played through a bit of the Arena games now, and that's why I used Elizabeth and mentioned Naoto and Mitsuru et al. I was concerned that my writing of her wouldn't be up to par because I haven't played P3 in YEARS, but no one said anything, and someone even gave me a kudo~~ I think more P3 people will show up in he future, and especially liked that Aki is some kind of government/police/SDF and Chie wants to be a cop! I'm hoping I can get things tangled. That could work SUPER WELL! BUT! I'm purposely putting off my full playthrough of P5 to focus on the stuff I already know without complicating my ideas too needlessly—I enjoy looking stuff up and drawing conclusions, and P5 has come up shockingly few times in my SMT Wiki read-throughs. Definitely less than five times. (And apparently I need to get a copy of Nocturne. I've had heavy influences from its lore.) So none of those people should show up in Mukidashite :/ For a while at least. When Watakushi is done, I plan to do Kazoku and then PROBABLY take a break on it to write something else for a while... We'll see... I DON'T want to lose steam, but also will NOT flat-out end this as long as I have new ideas, and it might be good to break and finish P5!

Once more—Thank you everyone for reading. I haven't written fiction since college, (FANfiction since junior high!) which is getting to be a long time ago. And this experience and social-linking with new people here has been absolutely exceptional! Thank you helping me to improve my skills and confidence while finding a renewed enjoyment of craft. Also discipline—I believe I've posted every day I promised, even if it was later in the day I've been sticking to the deadlines! I was never able to do that with my writing before! So thank you, from the bottom of my tiny little heart! :}

Re-Edited 6/15/17


	39. Without Exception (Watakushi)

Notes: A "fude" is an ink brush for like for writing calligraphy or signing important papers. Or just for fun, I guess.

This was my first time writing a 'battle'. I think it's paced okay and had one pre-reader. The persona I chose is OF COURSE null/drain/reflect to almost all of the party's abilities... In my first draft of the battle, I gave up and typed "EVERYONE DIES THE END" before quitting for the day.

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Without Exception

(Ryoutarou)

 _Here we are._

 _Facing my was-shadow._

 _Who has his own persona—_

Which I guess is what makes him _not_ a shadow.

"Oi—" Kanji hollers at Ryota— _apparently his fucking name_. "At least give us a freaking chance!"

"Hnn..." Ryota grunts, but waves his hand and the persona disappears. " _You fight me if I don't receive an answer._ "

"Okay— _Okay, geez!_ " Tohru yells, waving his revolver around in a dangerous way. "We'll figure it out!" When Ryota seems placated, he groans, turning to look at me. "Go talk to the other one," Tohru instructs, looking angry as hell.

I keep a grip on the flamethrower and walk over to the second shadow. He's now sitting on the desk, smoking and swinging his legs—Content with his front-row seat to the first shitshow.

"Hi," I tersely address him, sick of this.

"Mmn," he nods and blows smoke in my direction.

 _Is his voice is different than before?_

The real shadow raises his brows. "I can be serious—I know that's your _favorite_ , so I'll play along. Listen up," he absently flicks his cigarette and embers waft around him. He crosses his ankles and watches me curiously.

He runs a hand through his hair before speaking again. "You _know_ I'm you. I'm what people think when they look at you—" He smirks, showing teeth before he takes another drag. "Cause around here they _all_ know what your life's been."

The yellow-eyed me starts to kick his feet again, thudding an offbeat tattoo on side of the wooden desk. The smirk turns to a more lazy smile; as if all he has all the time in the world to waste contentedly. "This is how you'd rather live! It's great to kick back and tell everyone to fuck off… To just go back to drinking yourself into a stupor every day."

I rub my forehead and groan. _It would be easier. Wouldn't have to deal with any of this crap._

 _But that's not happening._

"I _won't_ ," I gruffly sigh.

The shadow nods. "I know…" He drags the words out before taking another pull. Then he narrows his eyes at me, ashing the cigarette with a sigh of his own. "You must know this is all such a _huge_ pain in the ass—Taking on monsters like ' _feelings_ ' and all that bullshit."

"Seems like it," I agree, folding my arms.

He starts to swing his legs again, continuing. "You're happy to judge everyone else, but get angry when _they all_ tell it like it is…" He chuckles, smoke curling out of both his mouth and nose.

"Don't try to pretend—You fucking _knew_ how much Nanako and Tohru hated it when you drank yourself silly, but you'd do it anyway— _Because it was easier._ " He snorts derisively, waving his hand mockingly. "When that dumbass Tohru'd call you on it you'd bellow at him— _Sometimes even give him a smack—_ " The shadow punctuates it with a fist to an open palm as his gaze sharpens—and I can feel my gut wrench—can tell he's mocking my remorse.

"You should reconsider~" the shadow smirks. "It's better to unplug _before_ everyone gives up on you."

He pumps his fist and lets out a harsh laugh. "Get the jump on 'em— _You_ be the disappointment so they _don't have the chance to leave you helpless_."

I swallow and shake my head— _That's not how I'm doing things this time._

He studies me for a minute before stubbing the cigarette on the bare desk and tossing it behind himself. The shadow sighs and jumps down. "You should reconsider or I'll have to show you what it's like to _really_ fight your inner demons…"

I continue to stare him down.

Sensing I won't give in, the shadow makes a cursory effort to clean himself up: he ties his robe and runs a hand through his greasy hair—Which only makes it look worse. The yellow-eyed mess stretches the way I do before a run. Finishes his warm-up with a laugh both bitter and morose. "Here I come..."

I watch the shadow put on a similar performance to the other's histrionics. He starts to glow red—Emitting sparks, then controlled waves and pulses.

His body soon stretches, growing in both height and bulk. It's hard to see what exactly is happening because of the clouds that shroud the changes...

 _But when the dust clears..._

He no longer bears as much of a discernible resemblance to myself.

In front of me now stands a giant clothed in a column of darkness. There's an angry tengu mask in place of a face or head, and no light reflects from anywhere on its body. The monstrosity wields a tremendous fude, which the thing immediately flourishes to disperse the last of the particles gathered around its body.

Gunpowder booms a few times as the smoke wafts outwards in our direction. Though it doesn't look like the bullets _do_ much…

I don't think to move—Am too absorbed with attempting to qualify the commanding presence.

I finally jump backwards when it swings that gigantic fude at me; feel a wash of panic when I trip and fall on my ass. I hear the crack of gunfire again from behind and see a larger projectile shoot past on my left. I stumble to my feet and spray fire at the ogre.

It doesn't catch— _Doesn't look as though I made a dent at all!_

"—on't have the right skills!" is all I catch from Rise.

Lightening cracks down and sparks smack it from overhead but nothing happens—If anything it appears to grow _stronger_!

"There are no detectable weaknesses!" Rise shouts, and this time it sounds as though her voice is ringing from inside my skull, the high-pitch of it rattling me for a moment.

Then I hear Tohru yell for me to throw the bag of rice at it—I don't know what the hell _that'll_ do—

But I rip the plastic open and flail it in the direction of the demon while Kanji screams for me to shield my eyes.

 _Well—_

The flash that sears even through the barrier of my eyelids does _something_ —The demon screeches and almost drops the brush, recovering clumsily.

Kanji is zooming forward again to smack it with the car door. It flinches a little, but counters, wheeling its fude—

When the brush is moving faster than the eye can track, a wall of fire launches at us!

 _I swear I don't know how we aren't dead—How I can stay standing while I'm burning up like this!_

Yuki is throwing Tohru's bomb while he squats near the wall, reloading his damn pistols—Which its when I remember my _own_ gun.

I drop the apparently useless hose and draw my USP, flicking off the safety in one fluid movement.

Kanji is staggering backwards—looking as though he'll fall over—but then I see him enveloped in light— _And he's charging again almost instantly!_

"Just give in!" the giant wails in its distorted perversion of my voice. "I'm telling you nothing is worth—"

The wailing is thankfully cut off when a twister tears past me and smacks into the demon. I can hear Tohru continuing to holler as more visible currents dance ahead.

 _That's my cue to back the fuck up!_

I fire off a few shots while Yukiko and Kanji try hammering it again. I can hear Tohru discharging his weapons, too.

The monster starts to wheel the fude again and Tohru yells for me to aim the mirror at it as the brush starts to look more like a pinwheel. I fumble it out of my pocket and hold the tiny object in front of me—When the rage of flames shoot outward again, I'm spared _and_ —

 _And fireball appears to bounce back at our foe!_

Of course it doesn't do much, but it does feel as though we're taking it down bit-by-bit. Chipping away at whatever is giving it strength.

I can see Tohru slipping around the outside during the chaos—Pulling out a new gun and viciously chomping on something.

When the monster roars a string of unintelligible words and pumps its fist, Yukiko sprays a bottle of water at it in response—The thing _yowls_ in anger, brandishing the brush but not attacking for a stretch…

 _As if it can't!_

We leap on the advantage—The kids pressing forward while I empty the entirety of my first magazine and Tohru launches more squalls from practically _behind_ the damn thing!

It howls and clutches its head, beginning to shrink back to the shadow it inhabited. I heave a shaky sigh; can see the others starting to breathe easier too. Kanji is still holding the door in front of himself like a shield, while Yukiko backs up and says something I can't make out. Tohru slumps against the wall and reloads a derringer, pausing to grumble about something.

 _They're all easing up. This must be part of the drill…_

Kanji motions me forward as the shadow looks more the way it did before its tantrum. I see my yellow-eyed self chuff and pace a bit, before stopping to finally glare at me and shake his head. "You really want this?" he contends.

"Mmn." I nod. "You _are_ a part of me… Your habits are what I wish to ease back into—A simpler, blunted life… To give up and stop working so goddamn hard to move forward."

I make _damn_ sure to stare right at him—To bore through his shiny orbs with my own steel-hued gaze when I admit to what will always slumber inside my mind. "You are part of me—A part I'm always tempted to reconnect with…"

The shadow gives a showy sigh and runs his hand through his hair again. "I entrust you the persona Yama: Judge of the Underworld." My shadow holds out his hand and I grip it in mine; pump it the two times I was taught necessary for a handshake. He gives me a knowing smile and disappears, breaking into fragments of light that form into what I can only think of as _my persona_.

He floats in the air ahead of me: a large humanoid garbed in a black, flowing robe. His antique, matching hat bears the characters for "Without Exception". The only thing similar to the previous abomination is the fude—Which is still within his grasp and measures the full-height of the specter.

His face is set into a peaceful, yet stern expression.

"Few recall a visit to my domain!" the persona's voice booms. "Adjudicator of humans, I am the persona without weakness—I reflect aggression back on its malefactors."

I sense a connate and nonverbal agreement pass between us. Yama taps his brush on the ground and a shock jolts through the room. He nods once and breaks down into more bits of light, which form into a blue card that looks as though it floats into my suddenly outstretched palm.

"Party's over," I hear my voice order. I spin around to see Ryota has moved right into my personal space. "What's the plan?" he demands with narrowed eyes.

"Plan?" an annoyed voice calls. I turn around to see that Marie girl walking towards us. Rise beams at her, asking when she arrived.

Marie snorts. "Just now. It-wasn't-like-I-heard-you-calling-or-anything!" The woman groans dramatically and glares, hands on her hips. "None of you _have_ a plan. That's why I'm here."

Yukiko giggles and Kanji scratches his head. Tohru stares at her as though he wishes she hadn't come. Rise walks forward to join the rest of us, sensing Marie will protect her from anything else that may attack.

"You two," Marie jabs her finger at Ryota and myself. "Come here. I'm going to fix it."

I see Tohru backing away form the group, keeping a tight grip on his revolver. He looks suspicious of the new arrival.

 _'Who is that?_ ' Ryota asks, his eyes wide.

"You don't know her?" I ask aloud and he groans.

Marie smirks when I approach her. "Nope. I'm under the radar."

 _'Who—What—?!'_ He openly gawks, out of the loop.

"She's a goddess—Kanji said," I tell him.

Ryota looks doubtful, stealing wary glances at the now solemn-faced woman. She adjusts her oversized hat, but doesn't say a word. Ryota gives in when he sees we're all waiting on him. "You'll make it so I can leave?" he haltingly questions.

Marie nods and he walks over to us. She sighs and touches both of our shoulders. _It feels like something inside of me is closing up..._

Looking up, I can see that Tohru watches me, looking edgy. When I turn back to Marie, she's unabashedly glowering at the man.

"I-knew-that-bastard-was a-problem," she mutters, releasing the two of us. When I look over, Ryota is inspecting himself— _He looks like he was never injured to begin with!_

I try to take a peek at my own shoulder. I attempt to lift the chain mail, but it doesn't budge.

 _It's the consistency of water. I can't get it off enough to see anything..._

I'm interrupted by Marie's voice. "He's made of different stuff than you," she explains. "It isn't the same." Marie looks down, frowning. "Sorry," she quietly spits.

I shake my head, quirking my mouth. "Not your fault."

Se looks back up at me, surprised. After a beat, she grins and shrugs, looking shy instead of indignant.

"We're good?" Kanji questions.

Marie hesitates, glancing at Tohru. "...Not quite." She walks closer to him and Tohru grimaces. "You should stay out of the TV World," she commands, waving her hand in front of his face. "It will try to resurface when you're around shadows—Or _parts_ of shadows."

"That's how I found them," Ryota admits in a tense voice.

"This one was your only shadow?" Marie questions while Tohru's eyes burn through her.

He doesn't answer, and Marie turns back to the rest of us.

"Now you're good," she confidently nods.

Rise looks between Kanji and Marie. "What...?" she trails off.

"What should you do with him?" Marie finishes. "Is that what you want to know?"

I look around and can see that no one has an answer.

Rise finally finishes her thought. "It might be problematic for someone so similar to show up in town."

The black-haired girl seems to consider the situation. "You like silence?" she asks Ryota.

He nods. "Love it."

Marie nods to herself a few times. "Okay. Come with me and we'll see what I can find. Big noses scare you?"

"...Come again?" Ryota asks, as confused as myself at the non-sequitur.

"You'll be fine. Needed-to-find-someone-to-take-my-place-anyhow..." Marie mumbles the last part—but I catch it.

 _'What does she do?'_ I hear in my head.

 _'I don't know,'_ I reply, attempting to get the hang of this. _'But she is a goddess, remember? Could be anything.'_

 _'Hnn. Interesting...'_ Ryota perks up and walks over to Marie. He folds his arms and proclaims his answer. "Fine. I'll go with you."

Marie makes a face, raising an eyebrow. "It wasn't a choice." She breaks away from everyone and turns in a circle, looking around. "With him gone, this place will be unstable. I'll take care of it."

"But it's not even that big," Tohru protests, squinting at her. "We should get rid of it, but it can't be much of a problem..."

"You think this is the only room here?" Marie questions. She doesn't explain, simply walks to a corner of the office with Ryota tagging behind her. They disappear in a flash of blue.

Tohru shakes his head, miffed, and looks at the kids. "We need to get out of here quick, then." My old partner waves us over and says "poof", holding out an open palm. The largest television I have _ever seen_ appears behind him! "This is what you're used to, right?"

"N-not exactly," Kanji tells him.

Tohru grumbles something, sounding irritated before trying again. "Kanji, put your stupid weapon there and I'll get it back outside."

Yukiko shrugs and steps through first. The other two follow. I totter a little and Tohru grabs my hand to pull me through behind him.

Arriving back at my house is a shock—We're launched from the television much higher than I expected, and we drop down in a pile. I don't think I would've known how to land on my feet when falling _upwards_ in the first place, but I feel poorly about squishing Tohru. When the dizziness wears off, it's an effort to get up—Even _with_ Kanji doing most of the work for me.

The others are already moving about, taking off their equipment and chatting with the kids on the couch. I'm relieved at the positive feel of the house. _I'm happy this is over..._

"All good?" Nanako questions with a smile.

"Yes," I assure her, returning it with one of my own. "As far as I know." I stifle a yawn while Tohru tugs the chainmail off for me.

She nods. "Marie told me what happened. Things are alright now?"

"Yeah," Tohru brusquely answers for me.

I look between them, certain they're not saying everything. "Something else you should tell me?" I quip. Nanako shakes her head and rises, telling us she'd ordered food and that it's waiting downstairs. Teddie follows her instantly, with Kanami also beating a hasty retreat while the other three organize their stuff and compare notes.

Rise and Yukiko gather up their things and head down shortly after. I can hear them talking and laughing, and I like my house like this.

"Here," Kanji, says, holding out a funny-shaped piece of— _Well, I don't know what the hell it is_.

It _is_ heavy and dark and shiny, but I don't believe it's metal. "You can sell it to old man Daidara." When I take it, he explains a little more. "That's one of the shadow pieces he was talking about. He can make you a better weapon with it, if you'd prefer... What kind of magic can you do, anyway?"

"Hmm," I hear Tohru hum, joining the conversation. "Seems like light and dark. Fire later on?"

I gape at the two. " _Huh_? How would you know when I don't even have a clue? And how would I _do_ something like that?!"

"It's easy," Tohru shrugs. "You're not an idiot. I'll show you some other time... You should probably take it easy. Go eat—I'm going to put everything away first."

I set the oblong object on the table alongside the other items. Then I stretch, beginning to notice a new kind of tiredness settling in...

 _I feel exhausted down to my core..._

"Alright," I tell the guys and head downstairs, wondering if I should understand all this more implicitly, like the rest of them. I'll just have to trust I'll pick it up—And hopefully not have to my new powers to the test.

* * *

End Notes: For my slight redesign of Yama, I saw his concept art on the wiki and translated the kanji on his stick. I couldn't parse the whole thing out, but thought "Without Exception" sums up his duties pretty well.

It was a bit of a happy accident that Yama is in charge of Yomotsu Hirasaka and who passes through! I only made the connection late last night and figured I should put in a throwback to Oretachi... It SERIOUSLY could not have all connected better if I'd tried...

Thanks for reading and I hope the two shadows were worth the wait!

Re-Edited 6/16/17


	40. Watashi (Watakushi)

Notes: The last few chapters are going to be titled after Japanese pronouns for "I". This one is the general, most polite form used by all people of all ages. Nanako is pretty polite and proper, and I believe she uses watashi all the time in the game... Can't quite remember.

Get stoked for the last chapter! I ended up deciding who gets it and what the title will be :O

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Watashi

(Nanako)

Waiting for everyone to come back through the TV feels like the longest hour of my life. _I always enjoy chatting with Teddie and Kanami, but I've been really worried for the others._

We halt our conversation when Yukiko bounces out of the screen, briefly soaring through the air to land on her feet by the door. Rise is second—And she also lands nimbly. Kanji is less graceful. He shoots out right after Rise, and has to flail to the side so he doesn't smack into her. She laughs and pats his back.

A little while later, Tohru and Dad fly out looking like the biggest pair of buffoons. Tohru's gripping Dad—who's not even facing the right direction—and they crash to the ground in a heap. Tohru screeches when his leg catches on the coffee table and then it's quiet as the others try not to laugh.

They're still for a minute until Tohru makes a strangled noise, at which point Dad rolls away and Kanji helps him up. _He looks asleep on his feet!_

 _Is this what they meant when they said people usually get sick?_

"All good?" I ask with a strained smile, watching while Tohru pulls the armor off and takes things out of Dad's pockets. He sets it all on the table neatly, taking stock of what's left over.

"Yes," Dad tells me, smiling back. "As far as I know." He yawns loudly.

I nod. "Marie told me what happened. Things are alright now?"

"Yeah," Tohru tightly replies, talking before Dad has a chance. He motions with his eyes that he'll fill me in later. _He doesn't look too happy._

Dad sweeps his eyes between Tohru and I, suspicious. "Something else you should tell me?" he barks.

I shake my head, sighing. "I ordered food, and it's waiting downstairs. I'll meet you all down there..."

"Me, too!" Teddie yells, following me. I hear Kanami laugh and follow him.

"At least they all came back," I grumble. Teddie grabs my hand and smiles kindly.

"Of course they all came back!" he says. "We've never lost _anybody_!"

Kana giggles. "Man am I happy about that!"

I feel myself smiling a little, too—Lightening up. "None of you knew it was going to be so dangerous?"

I pause when I notice the fox sitting by the couch, looking more like a pet than a wild animal. He walks over to me and drops something into my hand. _A few small leaves._

Teddie shakes his head, looking over at us curiously. " _I didn't!_ And I think Tohru would've said something..." We both watch the quiet animal walk to the door and wait pertinently, tail twitching.

I nod. "Yeah." I open the front door and the fox bounds away, trotting towards the river.

"Just take the lids off?" Kana calls, bringing the food over to the low table.

"Yes please," I tell her, also grabbing some of the containers. Teddie takes out cups and drinks, asking me for the leaves.

Kanami keeps sneaking quick looks at the two of us and I motion for her to go ahead with what's on her mind. She bites her lip and fidgets before speaking, looking uncomfortable to bring this up. "You guys really trust Adachi?" she tries. "Rise told me he's pretty awful—N-not that I know him at all, she just seemed concerned!"

Now Teddie's getting squirmy, too. "He's not like that anymore..." He's finished setting out the drinks and now he's trying to make a pot of tea with the leaves from the fox, mixed with regular tea from the cabinet. "He needed to figure out what's important!" Teddie can't keep his hands still while he bounces around the kitchen. "Now he's good."

Teddie sounds sure of himself when he finishes, snapping the water heater shut with a loud click. He plugs it in and puts away the canister of tea.

I meet his eyes when he turns back around. There's a quick smile but it isn't like his usual grins.

 _He's... Twitchy..._

The conversation ends there, as Yukiko and Rise descend the stairs and sit down. Kanami joins them at the table, bringing plates. Dad is next, which makes Teddie finally calm down a little. He sits next to Dad, bringing over a cup of the tea he made.

 _Something is off..._

Kanji and Tohru come down together, talking peaceably for once. Tohru spends dinner in a less argumentative mood, but I can tell Teddie's anxiety is rubbing off on him.

When everyone but Teddie leaves, Dad goes right to bed. Tohru, Teddie, and I sit in the living room in silence—Not daring to address the odd atmosphere until Teddie's phone dings.

He looks up at us. "Kanji wants to know when I'm gonna come home," he tells us.

"Whenever you wanna leave, you go right ahead," Tohru replies, but it lacks his usual sardonic edge. Part of the problem is that he's half-asleep; has his head in his arms.

I roll my eyes and take this opportunity to ask about earlier. "So what happened?" I question, directing the inquiry to Tohru.

He grimaces and sighs. "I couldn't fix it. So Marie did." He's quiet for a time and Teddie stares at him intently. "It was _my_ fault. _I_ wanted to fix it," he mumbles.

"At least it's over!" Teddie says, trying to cheer him up.

"Okay, _bear_ ," Tohru snorts. "It's over, but that doesn't make it any better..."

"Don't snap at him," I admonish.

Tohru peeks up at me warily. "And what happened to _you_ today?" he counters.

"You were right," I admit. "I got summoned to the Velvet Room by Marie—But they said I'll be called back in the future."

"Then doesn't that mean it isn't over?" Tohru sighs, challenging us.

 _I don't know what it means. Only that I may have the chance to do something good._

I shake my head, telling the truth. "Pass. I don't really know."

"Yeah?" he tiredly echoes.

"What were you not saying earlier, after coming back?" I probe.

Tohru groans and tucks his head down so he doesn't have to look at me. "Marie," he mutters. "She helped shut my shadow up, but she said he gets stronger when there are other shadows, or parts of shadows, around me."

His body jumps as he huffs. "She told me to stay out of the TV World, but I don't know if I can—I've already had to go back three times in a week! Plus that's how I get to the place where I contract..."

"Do you need to contract anymore?" I question.

Tohru grumbles so I can hear, but it sounds like he's arguing with himself. "I have to at least keep up the ones I have. It's a pain if I don't follow our agreements... I don't want to have to find new demons if I need them. It's convenient having more than just my Izanagi. Shadows are annoying..."

"Tohru," Teddie interjects in a high voice. "Where do you think I came from?"

" _Ooh,_ " Tohru whines, covering his head with his hands. "What do I look like, your fucking parent?"

Teddie tips his head and purses his lips, looking unsure how to reply.

"I'm _not_ ," Tohru forcefully responds to his own rhetorical question. "That was sarcasm."

I look between them, wondering what the look on my friend's face could mean. "What's wrong?" I ask him.

Teddie shakes his head. "I've just been thinking..."

"Don't," Tohru chides. "You're better off having stuffing for brains."

 _I've had about enough of this—_

"You're being awfully moody, Tohru-jisan," I quip. "Don't take your frustration out on Teddie."

Tohru looks up at me again but his eyes look different than I expect. He looks more worried than he's sounded all evening. "What would you get out of knowing where you come from?" he asks Teddie, not bothering to turn in his direction. "Would it change anything—Make you less of who you are?"

 _That's a good answer—Also not what I was expecting from Tohru_...

 _But Teddie is Teddie._

 _He could never be anyone else. The reason he's able to come out of the TV World is because he proved his individuality—Became his own person—Became different from the original._

 _And I like him like this; love his kind demeanor and happy personality. He's so caring... I wouldn't want him any other way._

"I-I don't know," Teddie quietly admits. I reach over to grab his hand, but he jerks it away— _A third surprise._

He sucks in a big breath—I guess he shocked himself, too. His eyes shoot between his hand and mine. I wait patiently for him to make a decision.

Teddie abruptly stands, looking shifter by the minute. "I should walk home," he excuses himself.

Tohru puts his head back down on the table, ignoring the outburst. I rise, however, and follow my friend to the door.

"Are you okay?" I ask him in a serious voice.

Teddie nods quickly. "I just need to figure something out—It's unbearable right now..." He cautiously leans over and hugs me—

And it's _so unlike_ the usual enthusiastic hugs he gives us all, whether they're wanted or not. I wrap my arms around him for a few seconds, and then let him put on his shoes and watch as he practically shoots out the door.

"I'm going to go to bed," I tell Tohru, still feeling as though something is off.

"Nanako," he hesitantly calls out.

I turn around at the base of the stairs. "What is it, Tohru-jisan?" I ask.

Tohru doesn't pick his head back up, and his reply is muffled. "He's better off just focusing on the future. He should forget about wherever he came from—Don't you think it's better that way?"

"I don't know," I honestly reply. "I want him to be happy. If he has to figure it out, then I hope he can."

Tohru does look at me now, his yellow eyes searching me for more answers I don't have. "Even if it upsets him?" Tohru quizzes.

I consider, squashing my immediate impulse to say 'yes'.

But I end up drawing the same conclusion a second time over.

"Yes." _I hope he does, if that's what he needs._ "I hope he learns the truth."

I barely catch Tohru's rambling mutters as I climb the stairs. "He's not going to like it..."

* * *

Re-Edited 6/16/17


	41. Boku (Watakushi)

Notes: Loads of liberties with the house. Never realized that Yuu's room is on THE FREAKING FIRST FLOOR till I was rechecking some pics on the wiki (and saw backyard right outside the window)... I have it on the second. I also have the other two bedrooms with those faux-balcony things that seem so popular.

I'd like to give a sort-of apology. I feel a little guilty that every ichaicha scene looks like you opened the door to find a package! But it's actually a flaming bag of poo... And you only realize once you've picked it up and everything's on fire and smells like shit. Today's isn't nearly as bad as some of the others, but eh. I feel bad, but it's one of the things that drives development and plot here... (I tallied. We have: panic attack, fear of love, peer pressure, severe physical trauma, severe emotional trauma, self-harm, interrupted by a monster, and now today's two problems...) (For the record, the crying really surprised me and I stopped writing and went back and was all 'wait, waaaaaat'.)

I'm also not entirely satisfied with this chapter. These are all scenes I wanted so badly to jam into Adachi's last chapter. Most were either half-written or poorly written, but I knew he needed them in his chapter. Spent the day at the hospital and didn't have as much time to devote to fixing it all up. If you think it isn't up to par, let me know. I wouldn't mind fixing it—I wanted to keep myself to a schedule and post today, even though I just checked and I have only ten minutes of "day left"—!

Thanks for your continued support and for reading!

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Boku

(Tohru)

Teddie finally left. Nana went upstairs upset, worried for her little boyfriend.

I want to go up and sleep. But I know what's coming and it's making feel too aggravated. I won't be able to relax.

 _That stupid fucking brat is going to make a fuss, isn't he?_

He's had a nice human life—You can easily see that he enjoys his days with his friends. All he does is goof off, spending time with his fake-family or Nanako.

He has it _good_...

They all accept him how he is without caring where he came from or why he's even here. Not a one of these people question his humanity— _His sincerity._ Everyone takes his caring and loyalty as fact, because he's never shown a side of him that isn't.

 _Why would he want to ruin that by knowing where he comes from? It's nowhere good._

 _He was a shadow—_

 _He's a cast-off!_

 _He's someone's psychological garbage that they don't want!_

 _Better off without..._

 _He doesn't need to remember._

 _It's better if he doesn't have to._

I don't know how long I've been leaning on the low table, thinking about the idiot, but I'm pooped. It's uncomfortable down here—I should go up.

If for nothing else, I need to check on Ryoutarou. I don't know anything about people getting 'sick' after awakening their persona, but I don't want that. Teddie said the tea would help.

 _Sick..._

And there's the _other_ thing.

 _What's this shit about jumping out the window? No one told me about that._

Why—

I know I couldn't have done anything but—

 _But—_

But what?

 _I left._

 _Why would anyone tell me..._

I try to muffle an angry groan as I climb the stairs. _I'll ask about it... At some point._

I'm glad we don't have to worry about shadows pulling themselves out of the TV anymore. But what the hell is _next_?

I slide open the bedroom door and see that Ryoutarou hasn't moved, not even to turn on his side. He's out sprawled on his back, snoring loudly. He sleeps like a freaking log— _A log that likes to roll over and squish you..._

I'd be happy if this means I get to sleep in. Today was exhausting—Too many shadows. Too many people.

 _Too much having to play nice._

I crawl into bed hoping tomorrow is better, but knowing it'll only bring more problems.

 **#**

I wake up to a text from Nanako—She wants to know if we ever ate the food she left out.

 _That's a hard 'no'._

It's almost ten. I look over at Ryoutarou and see he's stull zonked out cold. _Bet he never slept this much in his life._

That thought makes my mouth turn up as I laugh quietly, hoping not to wake him. I roll out of bed and reply to Nanako, thanking her and letting her know I'll take care of it.

I also tell her to check on Teddie. I want to make sure he's dropped the shit from yesterday.

Of course I don't tell her _that_ —Just that I'm worried because he left in such a rush.

I reheat the soup and decide to put on coffee. Mine came out okay last time, so at least it shouldn't make us feel _worse_.

I groan when I know it's definitely past time that I should wake Ryoutarou. I'm betting he'll be in a shitty mood. _In my experience, morning people don't like waking up late._

I slide back into the bedroom and take a seat on the futon. I study the sleeping man and get more into my own head— _In a bad way._

I know a lot of this is my fault. It all stemmed from choices that _I_ made.

 _More than his shadows themselves, their words and actions were the real wake-up slaps._

I never put any thought into what happened _after_ I left the hospital. He never told me about the following days, weeks, months, and I never asked. If things were good _now_ , that seemed like the only thing that mattered.

And he never asked _me_ about anything.

Not to explain—the murders; the lying; the way I left him. _None of it._

 _Has he not moved on as much as he tries to pretend?_

I _need_ to know—

To figure out what _my_ missing pieces are.

To tell _him_ the pieces missing from his own memory.

We need to get on stable ground, to clear out whatever's left over and been festering beneath the surface.

 _Today we'll start over..._

I reach out and place my hand on Ryoutarou's bad shoulder, trying to rouse him by just rubbing it gently. It sets my nerves on end—now that he _knows_ —but I'm going to get past it.

He finally blinks awake, struggling to focus on me.

"Mornin'," I softly greet him.

"Hey," he yawns. "What—what time is it?"

I snicker. "You don't want to know."

 _Instead of jamming sloppily shaped pieces in the empty places all slap-dash, we need to be more deliberate about how we put ourselves back together—How we build ourselves back up._

"Is there coffee?" Ryoutarou asks.

"Yup~" I nod. "You feeling okay?"

He cracks a smile. "A little sore, but I'll be fine."

Downstairs, I put the food together and we eat quietly. When we're done, he takes the plates to the sink and washes them while I finish my coffee. Which I'm _sort-of_ getting used to.

"This is our last day alone," Ryoutarou sighs, clearing the rest of the mess.

I finish my coffee and bring the mug over to him. "That's okay," I tell him. "Things have to reach an equilibrium at some point... You can't have it all one way or the other."

"Someone's a smartass today," he jokes, smirking.

"Eh, I have my brilliant moments," I retort. I fold my arms and wait while he washes the dishes. "Plans for today?" I question.

"Well _it's_ —" he starts, keeping his head over the sink. "It's our last day alone," he repeats, like I'm an idiot.

I can't help laughing— _Loud_. Ryoutarou doesn't seem amused at my finding his embarrassment humorous. He sighs and I can see he's going a little red.

 _Sometimes he really is..._

 _Well, funny._

 _Dancing around what he wants... Not my style at all._

"Give me a few minutes—I'll meet you up there."

I knew he was going to do this today. Last night I thought of an idea to ensure it goes better than last time.

 _...You're not going to like it._

I stop off in my room before returning to his— _our_ —room. He's standing at the open balcony door smoking. He slides it mostly shut when hen hears my close the other one.

"I want to trust you," I assert.

"Same," Ryoutarou sighs. "Let me—"

I shake my head, cutting him off. "I want to do whatever _you_ want to do. I always pick."

He snorts. "That's not true..." He pitches the cigarette and watches me guardedly.

"No," I grunt. "Now you know the one time you picked I almost killed you. That's _real_ great. Fucking fantastic."

"Hey, " he steps over and puts an arm around me. "C'mon—No..."

"Okay then." I laugh shakily and back up. "You know what I want you to do?" I look him that in the eye.

Ryoutarou shakes his head. "What?"

"Use this." I pull my old tie out of my pocket and hold it up.

"What for?" he asks me, confused.

I don't break our stare-off. "I'm going to put my hands back here," I tell him and stick my arms behind my back. "And you're going to tie them so I can't fucking rip you to shreds."

He winces at that last part. "You're not—"

" _One time,_ " I demand, not breaking eye contact. "I want us to do it in a way you'd like. And this way I can't ' _do something stupid_ ' like burn myself again. And I _know_ you knew what those spots are. You know I'm not an idiot and I know you're not one."

I inhale, working my way to asserting that I _don't want to discuss it_. "I'm not ready to talk about it right now. But I'll let you know." I walk towards him. "So take the tie—Not like I'll be going anywhere fancy. Plus, you bought it for me." I shrug and suck in a deep breath. "And do what I'm asking."

Ryoutarou looks a bit miserable. But he complies. He takes the tie from me and I turn around, holding my wrists together. "You'll tell me to stop, right?" he nervously asks.

"You don't hurt me."

"If your hands go _numb_ or something—"

"Yeah," I acquiesce. "I'll let you know."

He sighs and wraps the old red tie around my wrists and expertly knots it.

"You ever done anything like this?" I ask, curious.

" _No!_ " he loudly objects.

I let a nervous laugh escape me. "Don't worry so much."

"You're most of the reasons I worry..." I roll my eyes, but he just smiles shyly at me. "Can we at least sit?"

"You tell me," I reply, awkwardly bending my legs to fall on my butt. He snickers and holds his arm behind me so it's an easier drop to the futon. "See? Trust already," I joke and smile back, can see he's lightening up.

Then Ryoutarou leans in to kiss me—and it's a nice kiss. A fucking great one.

I feel needed— _Wanted_.

 _I don't know which of those is more important._

When I eventually lean back to breathe for a minute—catch my breath—I see he's got a more serious expression. He kisses my neck and my chest is hammering— _So loud._

I feel like I'm on _fire_ —Definitely straining on the damn tie already. I squirm as he moves down my chest. He stops to remove my shorts, slide off his own boxers.

"Gonna be alright?" he leers.

Now I can hear the pounding as if it's coming from the inside've my head—So much noise I can't believe he _doesn't_ hear it.

I nod.

Ryoutarou finally scoots closer to me. "Come here," he commands and pulls me into his lap. He holds me off the ground with his legs touches my other end gently.

"Oh just do it—" I grate. I can tell by the look on his face that he's still uncomfortable with this, but it's so frustrating already—Having to wait any longer. I can't help grinding against him— _Can't keep still._ I know _he's_ ready, leaning his head into my chest and panting.

When Ryoutarou finally braces his hand against my back so I can shift higher, I hear myself hiss a gigantic sigh of relief through my closed teeth. _Like a steam vent releasing._

For the record, it doesn't hurt. It's certainly not the first time we're doing this and I hate how careful he always is with me. I like it, in a way... But at the same time there's _nothing_ more aggravating.

He keeps the one hand on my back so I can participate easier, moving my own body in time with his. It's more aggravating than I thought, not being able to do anything with my own hands. All I can do is lean forward and moan into his shoulder—Bite down a little.

He doesn't even tell me not to—He's too busy concentrating on everything else.

And _I'm_ gentle—Not nearly as aggressive about it as usual.

I don't even complain for him to go faster. When I can't easily spur him on there's no point—

Which _was the point_ , actually—To do this _his_ way. Not mine.

And it does feel good. The whole thing—Part of it being that I'm able to let go and not worry about doing something I'll regret.

"I love you," Ryoutarou tells me, and I can tell he's almost done. I stop moving myself, keeping still because there's no way I can match his freneticism like this.

I push him with my words. " _Ryou—_ "

"Toh-ru," he chokes out—convulsing—clutching me.

I let loose some utterance myself, but it's not even a word. I can barely make out the sound over the clamor of my heartbeat in my ears.

He doesn't release me, instead moves his other hand to also grasp my back and hold me to him. All I can think is that we're going to be a mess and I am _so close_ to making an annoyed sound, when I realize he's crying.

And not _just_ crying, but full-out sobbing—

 _There are tears_ : I can feel them on my bare shoulder.

"W-what?" I dumbly question.

"Everything," he hollowly replies.

 _I don't know what to say. I thought today was going well._

"H-huh? What?!" I stammer.

Ryoutarou's still hanging onto me. "It's all coming out—Everything we've been hiding—I didn't want you to know—"

"Hey!" I yelp. "Me eit—" I start, but get cut off.

" _Don't you ever leave me again,_ " he grits out. "Tell me _everything_! Let me _in_! This is so frustrating! _I'm_ the one who doesn't let people in—"

He grunts out a bitter noise. " _You're_ the _goon_ who spills everything and blabbers nonstop—It's _hard_ being left out! Is this how it was for them? For Nanako? For Chisato? For Yuu?" He shaky voice sounds like he's shattering.

And I only care about one of those names. I'd say I'm a good sport about the second. And I don't give a shit about the third.

— _And I'm getting a bit nervous about not being able to do anything._

"You should really untie me now," I tell him, but he's crying again and I don't think he even remembers... Isn't paying attention to anything but his rant—

 _Fuck!_

 _This isn't what I wanted...!_

I meant for this to knock down some of my own walls, not obliterate the few protective pieces that kept _his_ heart safe.

"Hey!" I bark. "Listen to me!" He finally loosens his grip a little and leans back so he can see my face. _He looks like hell._.. "Untie me," I order.

He numbly complies and I sigh, satisfied that I can now wrap my arms around him.

"It's okay," I try to convince him, knowing in some cases it isn't. "You can't change what's already happened. Talk to me. Talk to Nanako. And Yuu, if you have to." He nods, looking a little more himself.

I groan, but keep going. "And..."

 _Ugh, dammit!_ I don't like even thinking about _her_. "For Chisato, you can go to her grave or something. Talk like you'd... Talk to her..." I shrug.

"Will you come with me?" Ryoutarou desperately demands.

"Ooh, I—" I stop.

 _He look like he's going to fucking cry again, fucking—!_

"Yeah," I relent, admitting defeat. "Whatever."

... _It was my idea._

 _I wonder if he has any idea how much I hate her._ How I despise what a hold she has over him, even though she's dead. Even though she isn't physically here and he can't ever see her or talk to her again.

 _Note to self_ : maybe mention some of _that_ stuff to the doctor. If I _have_ to cooperate anyway...

"You've never come with me before," Ryoutarou remarks. "I'd like that." He rubs my back, placating.

I sigh. "Do you even realize how weird that is?" I ask.

"Hmm?"

"You want to bring your 'gay lover' to your wife's grave."

"Oi!" Ryoutarou sharply yells. "Don't try to diminish who you are to me."

"How would _you_ call me?!" I incredulously challenge.

He sighs.

"That's what I thought," is my vicious reply.

Ryoutarou squeezes his eyes shut for a long time and then opens them, gazing at me very seriously. _Intently._ "How long have we been together?" he evenly asks me.

"I don't know!" I exclaim.

 _Almost six years._

"I knew this would come up eventually," Ryoutarou muses. "But I didn't want to address it so tastelessly!" He groans. "Are you interested in being moved to my family registry?"

I freeze. " _Am I what now?_ " I dumbly ask.

"It's not marriage or anything, but there are ways we could move you to my family registry."

I frown, unnerved at the prospect at how that _would_ define me. " _Like an heir adoption?_ " I voice, alarmed.

Ryoutarou groans, looking me like I'm the _stupidest_. "Kind of—" he starts, shaking his head. "But not _really_ —"

He gazes at me sincerely. "That's how we can get spousal rights, moron—And I don't know about the rest of it. I would need to research more," he guardedly admits. "Do you even know that's the main substitute for people like us to get married? Aren't you supposed to know this stuff? _I_ had to do a lot of reading!"

"I—" I start, confused. "I didn't think you'd even want to consider something like that. You still—" I screw my mouth shut. I don't want to have to say it.

He glares. "What? I still _what_?"

I shake my head vehemently, pressing my lips together.

" _I love you_. Does that matter to you? Does it even register in there?!" He sharply pokes my head. "You're here, with me. I want you to be happy and to support you, alright? It's not about loving you more or less—That's not something I think about or will validate."

"It's—" Ryoutarou glances around, looking tense. "It's about our living our lives and moving forward. _Together._ I—" he falters. "You need to tell me what you want, and I'll tell you the options." He nods a few times at the end, looking pleased with himself. "And we have to confer with Nanako—That's very important."

"I know," I agree. "I would want to, even if you didn't."

His smiles at that. "That's another part of why I would like this. You get along with and care about her like family. There's nothing more I could want." He's beaming, now. "I don't know if we would have to alter anything else on the register for it to work—I need to look into that, and would need Nanako's consent, you understand."

It's not a question. "Yeah," I nod. _I get that._

"Good," Ryoutarou sighs and embraces me. "Good," he affirms.

I hold him to me and give the only answer I can conceive of. "I'd like that."

"Good," he says one more time, and I can hear the smile in his voice. It twists my insides, pulls me taut.

 _I don't like wanting things like this._

"Okay..." I sigh, backing away. "That—That's enough decisions for now."

"Yeah," he agrees, standing up. "Let's go. _I_ sure didn't shower yesterday."

 _Great..._

I grab clean clothes and drop them on the sink before peeling the latest bandage from under my jaw. _Realized that if I keep changing it he doesn't notice._

"Lemme see," Ryoutarou grumbles, jerking my head.

 _—Fuck._

I hiss but let him see the healing still-healing burn.

"Now that I know—Why didn't you heal this yourself if you can?" Ryoutarou asks, his tone agitated.

I yank my head back, glaring. "I chose this!" I spit without thinking— _Because saying the first thing that boils to the surface has always worked out well for me._

" _What?_ " he frowns, continuing to speak more slowly. "You said you didn't think—"

I groan. "Didn't think when I said _that_ , either," I mutter. I face him, can feel my brows draw together in an unpleasant expression. "This..."

I have to stop and draw in a deep breath. I _just_ said I didn't want to talk about it right now— _So what the fuck?!_

"This used to happen a lot," I admit, feeling my gut coil up. It's an itchy nervousness that I can't reach to scratch.

"It wasn't my choice—" My voice sounds angry and desperate—More volatile than I mean for it to sound. _I don't want to give all this away. This is mine to carry—It's not something you can share._

 _The hurt._

 _The fear._

 _The hopelessness._

 _Knowing I couldn't pull myself out._

"Tohru?" Ryoutarou asks, his voice dripping concern as he reaches for my arm, but stops short. He looks like he thinks I don't want him near me—Don't want _anyone_ near me.

I jolt back to the moment—Hadn't realized I was looking at the floor, fuming.

I can only tell I'm so mad because of the worry that bounces off his face when he sees mine.

"What is it?" he softly entreats.

 _And I don't want to—_

I don't want to _do_ this!

I don't want to tell him and see that gentleness he always pushes on me when I need to seethe.

 _Like he can quash the burning by matching my apoplexy with warmheartedness—_

But it _doesn't_ work that way!

 _I want it—_

 _I want to be worked up—I need it—_

 _I need to rant and rave and let it out in a way that doesn't break me down._

In a way where I can stay angry and not have to think about abstracts like ' _sad_ ' or ' _unfair_ '—

 _Anger is easier._

 _Is—_

 _I need the easy way—_

 _I need—_

 _—easy—_

 _I need—_

 _—need—_

 _I need—_

 _—I—_

 _I need—_

When I open my eyes, it's difficult. They're screwed shut so tightly it's an effort to come back to reality.

 _...I'm in the tub._

Curled up in the corner, even though there's no water in it and I'm still wearing my socks. I'm balled into myself again, can feel my glare pricking outwards.

Ryoutarou is peering down at me carefully, like he thinks if he gets too close I'll disappear. There's concern etched into his face—The set of his eyes and the way his mouth is half-open like he wants to say something, but doesn't know what it should be.

"Tohru?" he calls, his voice a little shaky.

I nod, realizing my hands are tangled in my hair, gripping my head. I guardedly move them to my lap, folding them to keep from fidgeting.

"Are... You..." Ryoutarou tries, frowning. I don't say anything, so he shakes his head and tries again. "Do you want a hand?"

He sticks his arm out, dangling said hand near my face. I feel irritated as I take it in mine and stand with his help.

I lead us back out to the other room and peel off my socks. When he can see I'm acting more normal, I hear Ryoutarou pad away to turn on the tub and shower. At least he isn't pushing for more answers.

 _Right now._

I sigh and look at my self in the mirror. _Even my eyes are seething._

I twist the faucet, releasing a sluice of cold water. I splash it on my face to see if I can calm down.

"Are you going to come back in?" Ryoutarou questions from the other room.

I nod, and then realize I have to use my words. "Yes," I reply, my voice sounding a little hollow.

 _Kind of empty—Like I'm a shell again._

 _I'm worrying too much._

I walk through the doorway and lean against the wall. He's on the stool washing up, so I quietly wait my turn.

"Siddown," Ryoutarou finally sighs, standing up and moving out of the way.

I groan, but do take a seat. He hands me the washcloth and I scrub myself, passing it back so he can get my back. That's a little relaxing.

Then I stand and do his. We rinse off, then climb into the steaming tub in silence.

We face each other, another stare-off.

"Will you tell Aizawa now?"

I continue to gaze back at him. Silent.

"Then can _I_ tell Aizawa?" he sighs.

I nod, seeing the set in his jaw—That defiant way he squares his face when he's not going to let something slide.

"Good," Ryoutarou exhales. "That's good..."

 _Not really._

 **#**

I hear the lock turn and look up from my game. Nanako walks inside by herself—There's no obnoxious Teddie today.

"Welcome ba..." I trail off, sighing. She looks pretty upset.

"What happened?" I try again, adjusting my greeting to ask the clearly more important question. I put the system to sleep and set it on the table, attempting to show Nanako that I can listen.

She frowns to herself and pours a glass of water before dropping down on my right, kitty corner at the table. She tosses her bag next to her, not bothering to deposit it in her room, like normal. "Where's Dad?" she asks, looking around suspiciously.

"He went for a walk," I reply. "He was aggravated he didn't exercise this morning." _Also aggravated at our latest disaster, but she doesn't need to know all that._ I feel my mouth setting into a wry smile despite not wanting to think about it all.

Nanako nods. "Good. I needed to talk to you alone."

 _Well now she's got my attention. Though it can't be anything positive._

"Yeah?" I raise my eyebrows, indicating for her to go on.

Nanako opens her bag and takes out a hair tie, which she uses to pull her hair back into a ponytail. Then she reaches back inside, her expression very serious. This time she takes out the notebook I gave her the other day.

"You... Really like it?" I query— _Honestly a little surprised she wasn't just being nice._

Nanako nods again. "I found a good use for it," she says with a smile. "You're next." She passes it to me and motions that I should look inside.

I flip through it, but notice only the first page is free—The next ten or so are all stapled together. She looks on as I get the message and turn back. I read the instructions: they're literally labeled "Instructions".

"This is what you want?" I question.

"Yes," she replies, maintaining eye-contact. "Can you do that? It's very important to me."

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I look back down at the notebook before I answer. "Yes," I promise her. "I can do that for you, if it's what you want..." I look back up at her, meeting her sincere gaze. "But you can always just ask me questions—I-I'll tell you if you want me to..." I suck in a breath, trying to be calm. "What—exactly—do you want to know?"

"Whatever you _think_ I should know. Whatever you want to tell me. I leave it up to you—If I need clarification later, I'll ask. I want real answers, but at this point I've forgotten the questions."

"O-okay. Yeah..." I try to smile, but feel a whole new load of anxiety. "And the people who know about this are...?"

"You and Kanji."

"Ah." I scratch my head, having figured that was the answer. "So..."

Nanako glances at the stairs before taking the notebook back. "I'll put it under the couch in your room."

"Uh—I— _There's_ —" I stammer, unsure how to tell her to watch out for the gun I leave there.

"I know," she rolls her eyes, fighting to keep a straight face. "I've found _six_. How many has Dad found?"

I feel my mouth hanging open again. " _That's—uhh—_ "

She giggles. "I win, right?"

"That's _all_ of them," I marvel. "I'm impressed. But, when do you even—"

"When you're asleep," she admits. "I wake up a lot earlier than you. I'm not the most trusting of adults."

I snort a laugh. "That's probably wise," I agree.

"Tohru-jisan," Nanako starts, suddenly serious again. "Why do _you_ trust _me_? I'm not naïve enough to think it's just because I was a kid. You've always acted nice to me, but your personality—" she shakes her head a few times. "I know you could just as easily _not_ have liked me for a lot of the same reasons."

 _Sharp..._

I feel my true opinions flowing out quicker than I can think to rein them in. "You trusted me implicitly—Never looked down on me. You were always excited when you saw me, even if it was because of something that wasn't good, like bringing your dad home— _uh_ —d-drunk. You—Y-you didn't _pity_ me—You didn't treat me like a _convenience_! _You weren't happy to see me only when it was good for you_ —"

 _It's just pouring out—_

 _Like I couldn't stop it even if I tried—_

"You don't like me because you _have to_ or because I _do anything_ for you! _You just do!_ "

I have to stop for a breath. Even though all of that's true, it was hard to say. It felt almost like too much.

 _But at that moment it felt like almost too much to keep in._

"Tohru-jisan," Nanako says again. I follow her eyes and see that I've balled up my fists on the table. She pokes one of them with her index finger, and I try to unclamp my own. "That's not quite the right answer." I feel my face fall, anxious now.

"That's a great answer, but it's not the question I asked. Those sound more like _love_. That's what love is— _All of those things._ " Nanako smiles. It starts out small, but I watch it grow into a nice, big smile. "You don't 'like' someone just because they don't use you or pity you. You ' _like_ ' someone because of their traits: things like if they're fun to be around, or if you enjoy the same books."

She pokes my hand after each sentence. "You 'love' someone when you can trust them or help them even when they don't ask or may not deserve it. You ' _love_ ' them when you care about what they want and what's good for them. It's when they're just as—or more—important than you."

She pokes my hand one more time and I finally let it fall flat. "Think about it. Write that in there if you want to—If that's _all_ you write, then it's good enough." Nanako pauses for a minute, smiling to herself. "With the guns, my 'guard-bear' helped. He has a good nose."

"Nanako," I try, swallowing the worry creeping up again. "If I were to find out where Teddie came from—if I found out _who_ he came from—would you want to know even if it isn't good?"

"I get the feeling you already know," she pointedly replies. "And I get the feeling he has a good idea, too." She holds up her finger, jabbing it in the air. " _And_ I get the feeling that's why the two of you won't talk about it; that it's why he didn't come over today."

I sigh heavily. "You're a scary girl," I tell her. "Lately _I get the feeling_ you're always one step ahead of where I want you to be."

Nanako raises her eyebrows, challenging me. " _Teddie is Teddie._ He doesn't even have memories of where he came from... But even if he _did_ , it wouldn't change who he is. If he asks, you make sure to tell him that."

I grudgingly nod. "I'll do the best I can," I evenly tell her.

"That's all I would ask."

We hear the door opening and both eagerly look over.

"Ah—home?" Ryoutarou cautiously questions, seeing our stares. "Everything alright?"

We both nod without even having to glance at each other. I see Nanako slip the notebook back into her bag.

Ryoutarou wrinkles his eyebrows, looking at us like we're being weird— _Which we probably are._ He goes for a glass of water, finally turning away to use the sink.

"I'm glad we got to talk, Tohru-jisan," Nanako tells me, patting my hand. "I have work to do—Going to borrow your phone charger first though, that alright?"

"Yeah," I easily reply. "It's in my room." She thanks me and head upstairs.

"You two are hiding something!" Ryoutarou calls after her, sounding annoyed. He walks to the couch and plops down, looking sweaty and tired. "What is it this time?"

I shake my head. "If it were important, I'd tell you. You gotta back off on that..."

He sighs. "Nn. It's hard not to be paranoid lately..." After a minute of silence he looks around the room, searching for something. "Actually, where's the supernatural boy?"

"He didn't come by today," I grumble.

Ryoutarou chuckles. "You miss your little shadow?" he jokes.

I groan. " _Don't_ call him that."

"I'm joking— _Relax_..."

"It's not funny," I mumble, flopping onto my back.

"I only noticed because it's so quiet," Ryoutarou snickers, shaking his head. "Didn't think _I'd_ miss him, but it's all what you get used to."

I flick my Vita back on, _not_ having a conversation about this. But Ryoutarou doesn't get the hint.

"Should one of you call him or something?" he asks me. "Not—It's not that he needs to be here, I'm just thinking maybe he's sick?"

"Maybe he had something to do at home," I tiredly insist.

 _He still doesn't get it—_ Ryoutarou stands up and walks to the stairs. "I need to drop off one of the receivers at the Tatsumis', I'll stop in after I change."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but maybe leave him alone for today..."

"Huh?" Ryoutarou questions, turning around. "Didn't I tell you?" I shake my head and he goes on. "You're starting there on Tuesday. Kanji agreed to give you a job."

 _What?_

 _What?!_

"—What?"

Ryoutarou nods. "Mmn. You said you wanted to get a job. He said you can go do something over there."

"I... I don't know anything... About... _Whatever_ it is he does..."

The man shrugs and grins. "Guess you'll have to learn!" Ryoutarou smugly retorts, disappearing up the stairs. And I don't like that I can hear him laughing to himself.

* * *

Re-Edited 6/16/17


	42. Ore (Watakushi)

Note: "Ore" is the least polite and most masculine way to say "I" for a guy. I always see Dojima using it in Japanese. (I realized I didn't list a meaning for "boku", so I went back and added it!)

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Ore

(Ryoutarou)

I drive into town with the parts he'll need, and knock on the door to Tatsumi Textiles. It's after-hours, but I figure Kanji will still be tidying up in there, rather than hanging out in his house.

"Hi," I say as the door is opened.

"'Sup?" Kanji asks, looking bemused at my sudden visit.

I hold up the case that Tohru's trackers came in. "I, ah, thought I'd drop this by. I'm hoping he can start Tuesday. I need to get a few more things squared away, but I'll be taking care of it on Monday..."

"Okay," the boy nods, scratching his head. "If that's it, I can take it for you. I could've dropped in tomorrow if you wanted. Or I could've sent Ted." He holds out his hand for the large toolbox-looking carrier.

"It's not a bother," I assure him. "I can, ah, set it up now if you're free—If that's alright..."

Kanji shrugs. "Yeah. I'm just getting extra work done in the shop, anyhow. Ma's out and Teddie's in his room."

He moves aside so I can enter. "H-how is he?" I try to casually ask. "The other two seem weird about it."

Kanji sighs and scratches his arm. "Y'know, I thought it was nothing, but he didn't even go to pick Nanako up. Maybe he's got a cold?" he shakes his head, looking unsure. "I ended up going instead and bringing her back here for a while cause I felt bad. He hasn't missed going to the school since he declared it's 'his duty'," the kid snickers as he says that last part. "But I don't know what's up with him and he _ain't_ saying."

"Mmn. Same with the other two." I set the case down in the workroom and take out the transmitter. "I can put it under the table?" I ask.

"Sure. Just keep it away from the machinery."

"Tohru's normally uncooperative when it comes to others, but this is the first day I haven't seen that kid tripping over himself to talk to 'his big bro'— _Hey!_ " A new idea dawns on me. "You think he's angry I told him to quit that 'aniki' business?"

Kanji shakes his head. "Nah, something like that wouldn't get him down. If it really bothered him, he'd just keep doing it." He rolls his eyes, smirking. "He doesn't sweat the small stuff, Teddie."

"Yes, that's what I figured," I sigh. "Alright. Look here." I point out the few buttons and switches on the device. "When I drop him off just flick this on and make sure he enables the bracelet. If it's off for too long I'll catch hell."

"Okay," Kanji replies. "That's easy." He jerks his thumb towards the attached house. "You wanna see Ted before you take off? I _know_ that's why you're really here for, Ojisan. Even _you_ miss his crazy happy attitude?"

I groan. "All what you get used to," I smile wryly. "His antics are much more harmless than the _other_ bit of 'crazy' in my life." Kanji outright laughs and tells me how to find the kid's room.

I haven't been inside the Tatsumi house on many occasions. Kanji most always comes to our place, which _is_ easier for me. I climb the stairs and knock on the door with 'TEDDIE' taped up on bright yellow-and-blue English letters. I chuckle, wondering if the kid made it himself: they're sloppily cut out of construction paper and one of the 'D's has a bear drawn in the middle.

 _He sure acts a lot younger than he looks... I wonder where he's really at, up in that head of his._

"I'm sleeping, Kaasan!" I hear a decidedly un-bubbly voice call. _Practically whiny, in fact._

I clear my throat, wondering how to respond. "I'm not your mom," I reply. "It's Dojima. Can I talk to you, kid?"

There are a few seconds of silence and then I hear him rushing around the room, probably tidying up or finishing a snack.

"Okay," he guardedly says as he opens the door for me. "You can come in, but I don't feel good..."

"Cold? Stomach bug? What is it?" I agitatedly demand. "I'm not worried about catching it."

Teddie nods a few times and takes a seat at the low table in the center of the floor. He undoes his cushion tower, setting one down for me.

I take a seat and sigh, hoping he'll just come out with whatever it is. _I'm not great at talking to kids..._

The boy fidgets uncomfortably, finally jumping up to grab a box of snacks. "I—uhm—There's some chocorooms and chocolate-covered chips," he tells me, spreading them on the tabletop. "You like any of those?"

"Yugh," I jokingly make a gagging noise, hoping to raise his mood. "You're the same as Tohru," I tell him, laughing. "I hate that sweet crap, and those are some of his favorites."

Instead of giggling, as I expect, the boy blanches and shuffles all the food immediately back into its shoebox. "S-sorry," he mumbles.

"It's fine," I tell him. "I'm not hungry. I, ah..." I try to smile at him. "Just wanted to see what's going with you, that's all." His eyes dart around, as if he's unsure about my pronouncement.

"Look," I try again. "You come over almost every day and Nanako adores you. I heard you left in a hurry the other night, and then I hear you didn't even see her today. What's with that? If it's not the same for you, just tell her. She'll get it."

Teddie quickly shakes his head. "That's not—" he starts, looking close to tears. "That isn't what it is! I'm worried I'm not as good as you all think I am." I slowly nod, indicating he should elaborate. "I've been thinking about where I come from—And I don't think anybody would care, but it bothers _me_ that I could've been a bad person!"

When he takes a minute to collect himself, I sigh and reach for my cigarettes. Teddie shakes his head. "K-kaasan says smoking is bad and she doesn't want it here..."

I huff, allowing a chuckle to escape me. "That so?" I ask.

He nods. "Yeah! I listen to all of her rules... There aren't many."

I shake my head and replace the box in my pocket. "Alright." I fold my hands to keep them still. "Teddie, look," I sigh and scratch my arm. "You shouldn't worry so much. Have _you_ ever been a 'bad person'?"

The boy shakes his head a bunch of times, stumbling over his words. "N-not that I—Not that I remember, but I'm missing memories. I don't remember anything before Sensei showed up."

"Sensei..." I muse. "Yuu?"

"Yeah," Teddie tells me, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, the way Tohru is apt to do. "I don't know how long I was in the TV World before that, but I probably came from Magatsu-Inaba. I only tried moving to different areas after I met everyone. I didn't see a need before..."

"Can you go back there and look around more? Maybe there are clues you missed before."

Teddie shakes his head, looking down at his feet and seeming even more childish and vulnerable than usual. He chews on his lip for a minute. "I can't. We had to seal it off to keep more shadows from appearing. And I—I think I m- _might_ know where I came from, but I _maybe_ hope I'm wrong..."

"Well where is it?" I ask. "Maybe I can help you."

"No," he firmly replies. "I have to do this myself."

I feel a smile coming on. "That's the way," I encourage the boy. "You can work through this." I check my watch and realize it's high time I get back to the house. "I have to get moving, so they don't hold dinner on me." I stand and pat Teddie on the shoulder. "Drop by tomorrow, we'll all be home. Alright?"

"Okay," he agrees and manages a sad smile of his own.

I retrace my steps to the store and say goodnight to Kanji before driving home.

 **#**

Of course I'm the first one awake; would be surprised if I weren't. I dress and head downstairs to start the coffee and pick up a newspaper.

I'm alone for well over an hour before I hear footsteps and am not surprised it's Nanako—Would be downright shocked if it were Tohru.

"G'morning," I call to her. She waves and plates her breakfast, then carries it to the low table. I slide off the couch to join her while I finish my current coffee. "You hear from Teddie?" I question.

Nanako shakes her head. "No..." She frowns. "I thought I would've by now."

"You will," I assure her. "I told him to come by today—Talked to him a while last night. I don't get what the kid's so uptight about. Tohru seems angry, too." I pause, piecing it together. "Did they fight?"

"No—I don't think so," Nanako tells me. She chews her food, thoughtful as well. "I don't know when they _could've_. We were all three together the whole evening and—" she cuts herself off, grimacing, and I'm just realizing how upset she really is. This— _probably_ melodrama—now has my full attention.

I give my daughter a minute to compose herself before I clear my throat and take the floor. "I don't understand what the problem is, and when I asked Kanji, he hadn't even known Teddie was off. Thought maybe the boy had a summer cold or something."

"I know he's worried about where he came from," Nanako says. "Learning about another shadow like him got Teddie thinking, I guess. But I don't know why he's upset. And he was really grilling Tohru-jisan..." Nanako sighs. "And I don't know why he's avoiding _me_."

"Was—Ah," I try. "Did _I_ do too much?" I ask.

Nanako tilts her head. "Huh?"

"W-well I said I'd include him in our family because you two are so..."

"Oh, no!" she laughs. "That's not it. He was really excited about that." Nanako smiles happily, and I'm thankful I decided to go out on a limb the other day.

But that brings us back to the original dilemma. "I guess we'll have to see if he comes by."

"Yeah," Nanako agrees. "I need to get some schoolwork done, so I'll be home for the morning at least."

"Mmn. I'll be getting my own things in order to return to work. Soon Tohru will start at Kanji's, too."

" _GEHK!_ " Nanako coughs, looking startled. "What? Really?!" she queries.

I nod. "Yes. I made a deal with Kanji. I don't want him sitting around all day." I shrug. "He didn't seem as happy as I'd hoped, but..."

"Dad," Nanako laughs. "Is that _really_ a good idea?"

I sigh. "I don't know where else he could work in town."

"I didn't know he could even leave the house."

Shaking my head, I chuckle. "Well, you need some kind of official or police escort. He's got that covered."

My daughter giggles. "If you look at it objectively, it _is_ kind of weird," she tells me, wrinkling her nose. "I mean you're police and he was..." She shrugs her shoulder and holds up her hand, knowing I'd rather she not finish that sentence.

 _That's about the most anyone's ever mentioned on the subject in my presence. It's good she's honest... And I'm no moron—I know it's not exactly on the up-and-up._

"Nn," I snort. "That's the least of my worries. But I don't think he'll get harassed at Kanji's. He can have Tohru move boxes, or fold cloth, or even wash the goddamn floors—I don't give a crap. He needs to work his way up from scratch before he gets choosy." I run a hand through my hair. "Because _no one's_ going to hire him as-is."

"Yeah..."

Our conversation is cut short by my cell phone. I check the caller ID— _Tarou!_

"Speaking of working your way back," I murmur. "I have to get this." I open my phone as I walk through the back door.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Yes, this is Namatame Tarou. I wanted to let you know I've managed to locate Tatsumi Kuma's birth record. We're having some trouble, _as he was born abroad_ , and I was hoping to personally confirm some of his information with you—Hmm—Dojima Ryoutarou-San?"

"Y-yes?" I reply, unsure.

 _That's a lot of formalities. Usually it's all jokes about having the same kanji for our names..._

There's a pause as Tarou taps on what I'm assuming is a computer. "Hmm, yes. Do you have his passport on you?" He continues before I can even answer. "Oh good! I'll _make sure to write this down_ —"

I fumble my way back into the house to grab a piece of paper and a pen, Nanako tracking me curiously with her eyes. I write down the sparse information Tarou furnishes—A birthdate, original address, and the name of an orphanage.

"So glad to have gotten ahold of you, Dojima-san!" Tarou gushes. "It's always important to _remember where you came from_. Well, I have to run, but I hope to _get back_ to you with further details soon. It was no _trouble_ and I'm always happy to _help_!"

The line goes dead immediately and I have a shitty, sinking feeling about it. When I pocket my cell, Nanako is already next to me, examining the piece of scrap paper.

"What is it?" she inquires.

Sighing, I read the information aloud. "We were trying to get documentation for Teddie. But I have a feeling we've hit a dead end. Tarou sounded under duress." I see Nanako's eyebrows knit together as she processes this turn of events. "If I don't hear from him or his aide in two days, _then_ I'll worry."

"Sorry, Dad," Nanako tells me, a pained expression decorating her face.

 _Ah geez..._

"Why?" I scoff. "You didn't ask."

She shakes her head. "I know, but it feels like something I should be apologizing for anyway."

"What? No," I tell her. I heave a sigh and put my arm around her. I walk us to the table and take a seat. "Don't tell him, though. This is between the Tatsumis and I, alright?"

Nanako nods her head. "Yeah."

"Just—Just make sure he comes by so we can straighten out whatever is going on with him and Tohru."

"I will," she promises.

We're interrupted—

 _By shrieking._ Followed by silence. Then Tohru stampeding down the stairs in just his fucking shorts.

We both turn to look at him, wondering what the hell _now_?

Tohru is panting and his eyes are wide open. "Yo-your _stupid double_ tried talking to me through the TV when I was looking for clothes. _What the fuck?!_ " he spits. "Scared the shit out of me!" He drops down on the couch and grabs at his hair. "Can't he use a _fucking phon_ e or something?!"

I glance at Nanako, but she just shrugs. "What'd he want?" she asks— _Way_ too casually for the insanity here.

Tohru shakes his head and grunts. "Said he ended up getting a job I-R-L where Marie works—Didn't wanna be tied up with whatever shady crap she offered him to begin with."

"What's 'I-R-L'?" I dumbly respond.

Tohru sighs and Nanako giggles. "It means 'in real life', Dad," my daughter informs me—With a bit of a sarcastic edge.

"Well excuse me," I snort, folding my arms.

"I mean _here_ , in our world," Tohru clarifies. "And he wants to come over sometime and 'talk to all of us' so he can 'learn more about this world' or whatever." _His expression is extremely annoyed, bordering on disgusted._

"Would that be a problem?" Nanako queries. "I'd like to meet him—I'm the only one who didn't get to. And if he's going to be in the area, anyway..."

I frown. "I guess it's okay. How do we even let him know?"

"Fuck if I know," Tohru grumbles. "I guess we wait to see if he pops back up while the news is on or something."

"Let me know," Nanako tells him. "I'm going up to start on my work. Call me if Teddie's here."

"He's coming over today?" Tohru asks once we hear her door close. His face is twisted into another unsavory expression.

I groan. "Yes. And I don't know what your issue is with him, but I expect you to work it out."

Tohru mumbles to himself and sprawls out on the couch. He closes his eyes— _I think he's going back to sleep!_

 _You're kidding me..._

"Tohru, get the hell up!" I snap. "I thought you said you were getting clothes. Are you up for the day or not?" I demand. "At least get decent!"

"Fine," he grunts, rising to stalk back up the stairs. "You better have food for me when I come back down..."

I close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.

 _He's going to be a pain today. I can feel it._

No use worrying now, though. I make Tohru a slice of toast and an egg. Pour juice to go with it. _The jackass better appreciate it._

I set the food on the dining room table and fetch my shoulder bag from the entryway. I _do_ need to make sure my files and notes are in order for tomorrow. I can work on it while he eats.

Tohru runs back down the stairs more full of vigor. "I smell real food~" he sings, racing to the table.

"It's all 'real food'," I snort.

" _Real_ food is cooked. Or hot." Tohru rolls his eyes; as if this is something I should already know. "I doesn't include something cold you've pulled out of the fridge because you're too freaking lazy to make anything." He gives me a real shit-eating grin before placing the egg on top of the toast to scarf it down.

I roll my eyes and pull out my work. "What are you going to do today? You'll be starting Tuesday, if I can help it."

"And, uh, how long will my days be?" he asks, looking worried.

"As long as mine," I chuckle. His eyes practically pop out of his head while his expression turns sour. "Oh, calm down," I tell him, still feeling more laughter bubbling up. "I told you I cut back my days. You'll go in a little before nine and I'll pick you up around three..."

I look down because I can feel myself pressing my mouth into a straight line. I don't want him to worry, but anything he brought in _would_ be helpful. "It's only until you can find a more permanent position, alright? We're okay on money for now, but it wouldn't hurt for you to increase our income. Cutting back my hours meant a pay—We'll call it a 'pay stagnation'."

 _It meant no raises for a while..._

"I plan to work for a good long time, but..." I shake my head, hoping he can intuit what I mean.

Tohru narrows his eyes, thinking. "You mean you could have a problem or die, huh?" he asks. I can tell he doesn't want to think about that by the way the food stops halfway to his mouth and his hand is twitching.

"Yes," I carefully reply. "Nothing is certain—Ever. So you need to make a plan for your future, in case I'm not able to help you."

I see his eye twitch, but he begins eating again. "Cause you're an old man or because you'd kick me out?" he finally counters around a mouthful of food.

I sigh. " _Really?_ Are you _serious_ right now?" _My head's throbbing at his goddamn stupidity._ "Did we not have that conversation yesterday about koseki?!"

Tohru grumbles inaudibly and doesn't answer me. I glare, waiting for him to speak up.

He doesn't, so I pound the table, aggravate. "Don't be an asshole! It's for your own good."

"Fine," he huffs. "If you're working, I'll be upstairs—Hoping no one pops up and tries to kidnap me again."

" _Huh?_ " I sharply intone. "What do you mean? I thought you said he showed up on the TV—You didn't say anything about getting dragged off. What's _that_ about?"

Tohru is darting by me, presumably for the sink, so I reach out and grab his wrist. He jumps, whipping his gaze to my hand. "Nothing." He tugs his arm away, but I don't let go, just look up at him with concern.

"I _said_ it's nothing." He sets his face to that crappy blank stare. "It's... It's about the first time I went in there—That's all. It isn't important—" He screws his face up in a way I can't parse.

I sigh and pull him closer while he resists, to the point of raising his plate as though he'll smack me away with it. I shoot him a tired look and he relents, huffing and tossing the dish back to the table.

"What happened?" I ask more gently, wrapping my free arm around him. He scowls back and I respond by leaning my head against him, mustering all the patience and affection I can right now, hoping it's enough to calm him down and explain _what the fucking hell this is about_. "It's worse to hang onto it, you know. Whatever it is—Don't keep it in."

He places his hand on my head and I think it's going to be a nice gesture, till he starts balling his fist. " _Ow, moron._ "

"...sorry," he sullenly replies. "Instinct."

I snort. " _Sure_ —But let go now." He does, and I roll my eyes.

"Felt that," he quips.

"You were meant to," I reply, pulling away. "Tell me if something's wrong. Sit down here if you want—I don't care. I shouldn't be too long."

"No, it's okay," Tohru tells me, edging away again. I let him be and he puts his dishes in the sink and heads for the stairs. "Come and get me when you're done."

"Alright," I call, and turn back to the mess of half-assed reports I never finished.

 _Barely more than a week ago I shoved all this aside to prepare for Tohru's return. I figured I'd take care of it during the downtime..._

 _Except there wasn't any downtime—What with getting murdered and facing my shadows._

 _So much can happen in a week._

I shake the memories from my head and try to focus...

 _And I worry I'll never be able to face another case without wondering if it's grounded in reality or not._

 _...Too much can change in a week._

* * *

End Notes: Hmm... It never ended up being a thing that was talked about, so I'll fill you in: Dojima's and his shadow-turned-human's personas are enemies. Yama is a legit-Persona-demon from the series and Yamantaka means "destroyer of Yama". I did a load of mythology reading on the real Yama and Yamantaka. I'm sure we'll see Yamantaka again in the future, but if you were waiting to find out more... It looks like it's not coming up in the rest of Watakushi. Bummer. So I wanted to let you know the gist of my reasoning.

If you're wondering about the future—I've charted the main plotpoints for the next part. "Kazoku" will focus more everyone's more human aspects/interactions, like "Okaeri" did with everyone preparing for Adachi's return. I plan to take a week off after tomorrow's "Watakushi" conclusion, and start posting again on Wednesday the 21st. There WILL be prologues again, but they'll focus more on what's been left out or gone unsaid between everyone in 'the now', rather than backstory.


	43. BokuMO (Watakushi)

Notes: "Bokumo" translates along the lines of "me too". The particle "mo" can be used instead of "ha" (which is actually read as the sound "wa") to mean "too", "also", "as well", or anything similar.

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: BokuMO

(Teddie)

 _Today I have to talk to him. I have to prove it's true._

 _I think I know where I came from._

 _I don't want to be right. I don't want to have been a part of the person who made everything so bad—The person who hurt Nanako. The one who almost took her away from me—And everyone._

 _I can't move on until I know for real._

When I get out of bed, I immediately change and head to the Dojimas'. Kanji knows I'm going there, he told me I should last night.

 _It'd be nice to eat with them and pretend everything's normal... Maybe there's soup!_

The walk seems to take a lot less time than normal. And feeling scared to go inside the house is a new-new feeling. _I don't like it._

 _I want everything to be normal._

I unlock the door and walk inside. I peek my head around the entranceway and see Dojima sitting with his work spread out.

"Good morning," I call.

He looks up and smiles. "You came," he easily replies.

"I told you I would," I remind him. "Where is everyone?"

"They're both in their rooms. Nanako's doing work, but said to tell her when you're here." He snorts a laugh and rolls his eyes. "Go on up, kid."

I nod and kick my shoes off. I feel myself grinning as I line them up next to Nanako's—Mine are a few sizes bigger and it always makes me laugh—She's literally a lot older than me.

Deciding I wanna see her first, I knock on Nanako's door. She breaks out in a big smile when she opens it and sees me standing here.

"Morning," she tells me.

I nod, trying to smile back. "G'morning."

"You're going to talk to Tohru-jisan?" she questions.

"Yes," I answer.

Nanako smiles and takes my hand. "You're _you_ , don't worry so much."

I shake my head. "I wasn't always me."

"Yes you were," she tells me, sounding super-duper confident about it.

 _I don't know how she can be so sure._

Nanako drops my hand and points to Tohru's door. "He's probably playing games or working on something. Knock first." She giggles—I think remembering the first day he was here and I burst in and he got really angry.

"Okay."

She waves and closes her door behind her. "I'm going downstairs. I'll bring some snacks up and we can share them in my room, after. So do your best!"

I nod a bunch of times and walk the short distance to the other bedroom. I knock and hear Tohru ask who it is, sounding annoyed.

"It's me," I reply.

"Talk louder!" he shouts back.

I take a big breath. "It's Teddie!" I call.

I hear the noise stop and he opens the door a few seconds later. "What is it?" he asks, folding his arms and glaring.

"C-can I come i-in and talk to you?" I ask.

Tohru grunts, narrowing his eyes. "We can talk here. What is it?"

" _I-I know,_ " I tell him, my voice all shaky.

" _What_ do you know?" Tohru asks, not taking his sharp look off of my face. His yellow eyes burn through my blue ones.

I walk closer and he jerks away, taking a few steps backwards into the room. "I know... Why I don't have any memories…"

" _No you don't!_ " he spits before regaining his normal look. " _You can't—_ That's what memory loss _means_ , idiot!" He laughs a little, trying to pretend he didn't figure it out himself a _long_ time ago—

Way before I started to suspect—

 _Probably when I started calling him aniki._

"B-but I _did_ figure it out!" I insist. I move forward again and he now scrabbles away until he's against the wall.

" _No_."

" _Yes!_ " I tell him loud. "It's because my human suppressed them," I start. "And I don't care if the memories don't come back… B-b-but they must be bad, right? Isn't that why someone would make them disappear?"

My throat is all tight and it's getting hard to talk. "And they couldn't deal with me—They couldn't accept that I was a part of them— _Right?_ A-a part that could be so easygoing again—So I got stuck all by my lonesome." I feel my face squish into a sad expression. "B-be-bearcause they didn't want to think about the nice things they didn't have?" It sounds more like a question, but I _know_ that's what it was.

 _I know._

Tohru's face looks really scared—It looks the _most_ frightened I've ever seen anyone!

" _No!_ " he hisses, kicking out his foot to keep me away from him. "I don't know anything about that— _H-how could I?_ " he says super-quick, like he needs to do whatever it takes to fend me off, even though I wouldn't hurt him.

"I think—"

"Y-y-y-you're just so-someb-body's _mm-me-mental trash_ that—that—that— _t-that_ _escaped_!" he screeches, barely able to get the words out.

I pull in as much air as I can so I don't start crying. I hold it until I can float the words out on the breath. " _I think you know whose shadow I was!_ " I scream at him.

Tohru flinches and grabs his head, sliding to the floor into a little ball like he did before, when he was afraid to tell Dojima about the other thing. He sits there real still for a minute, and then he starts yelling.

 _I can feel water on my face._

 _It feels so hot._

 _It's hard to look at Tohru who just keeps wailing—_

So I run out of the room and slam the door. I speed down the stairs, almost smacking into Nanako.

"Te—" she stops. "What happened? _Are you alright?_ "

 _I can't talk—_ My words won't come out. I keep opening and closing my mouth but I can't make them come up from my throat.

So she sighs and sets down the snacks, while Dojima stares at us like he wants to know what the heck happened—

 _And I can hear that Tohru's still screeching something upstairs._

Nanako puts her arms around me to hug me and that's when I can't take it anymore!

I feel the tears really coming— _Pouring out like a faucet!_

I can hear Dojima clear his throat and say he should go check on Tohru. Nanako steers us to the side so he can get by. There's still screaming and now Dojima's heavy feet pounding the stairs.

I know I'm trying to say something— _to tell her_ —but my words sound all blubbery and not right. I can't seem to talk around the ache in my throat. She smiles kindly and pushes my shoulder, guiding me to sit down.

 _It feels like my heart is cracking. Like someone was hurting my closest friend._

 _Like deep down there's someone else inside me who knows all these secrets—Who's capable of being the opposite of who I've always been._

I hate it—

 _—This is the first time I can truly use that word._

 _And that's a scary thought itself._

* * *

End Notes: ...As a man who has NEVER been able to finish a single NaNiWriMo after trying more than ten times... I just wrote more than 70,000 words in a month. I guess now I know I have it in me! While "Watakushi" ended up zagging in a few different directions than I'd expected, I'm overall happy with my work. I will be going back and re-editing this next week. I've already re-edited "Okaeri" and half of "Oretachi". I've started listing the re-edit date in the end notes, so that readers (and myself) can know when it was last fixed-up. I know my style changes over time, so I most recently went back and changed some spoken names that didn't match up with the second and third parts. Nothing major, but now it all lines up better.

I will be taking the next seven days to re-edit and work on the next installment! "Kazoku" will begin pushing Wednesday of next week. I have this Friday to next Friday off and will be going away~ I'll get lots and lots of writing done! Ganbatterrou!

Thank you so much for reading! I would love to hear any thoughts, criticisms, and comments! Feedback helps me improve (and lifts my spirits lol)! I think Part IV will be the last for a while, so I will give it my best shot! I'm super in-love with these characters, but I don't know how long I can sustain the ardor with which I've been going at this so far... It's been a LONG project! (I've also ben throwing around ideas for a crossover between two different franchises, so we'll see how that works itself out in my head. Ehh... I've also wanted to do another one of this pairing, but making it during in-game time and going a different route with the character interpretations and see what I end up with—But I probably need to work with some different people soon or I'm afraid I'll burn out :)

You can find me on Twitter akaicchi_chosha and Tumblr akaicchi-chosha ...I'm pretty married to that name. My email is also in my profile, and I got a KIK akaicchi

Re-Edited 6/16/17


	44. Tensions (Kazoku)

Lead-In from AO3: _Kazkou_ ("family") is the fourth part in Mukidashite! Things are heating up in Inaba again:

We left off with Adachi and Teddie having a blowout concerning Teddie's origins.

And Nanako has her own strong opinions on this.

Meanwhile, what's up with Namatame's distressed call to Dojima?

Will Adachi and Kubo act like normies or cause a pile of new trouble?

Speaking of Adachi—He's supposed to be starting at Tatsumi Textiles on Tuesday! But he may need a sick day—Coercion and threats lure Dojima to drive himself, Adachi, and Kanji to Tokyo. I'm sure that long car ride will be spectacular! …And there's an extra person coming back with them!?

And what's up with Ryota? He contacted Adachi through the TV, causing the latter to flip his lid!

We're going back to more of the "human element" rather than the "persona element". Other topics include: Nanako cheating and reading her notebook! (That's gonna be hard for her.) The incident that caused Adachi's Inaba-transfer! (WHAT did he do?!) More Dojima grappling with how people see him! (Wow one of those sounds super whiny… No fingers, please.)

So siddown, buckle up, and let's do this!

* * *

Chapter 0-1: Tensions

(Kanji)

 _Teddie ain't up, so I gotta do the shopping today..._

I'm on my way to the supermarket when my phone rings, and have to fish it out of my pocket. I am happy to see its Rise!

I pick it up— _I can walk and talk._ We didn't get a lot of free time to hang out with all the chaos involved in moving the visit up.

"'Sup?" I ask. "Have a good trip home?"

"Kanji-kun..." That doesn't sound like a good tone to start a call with.

 _Sounds more like I'm about to get scolded._

"Uh, what is it?" I nervously question.

Rise snorts. "I was just on the phone with Yuu. He says that no one invited him down to Inaba—or told him about us going into the TV World—and he's not happy." She pauses and I can tell she must've gotten chewed out.

"I— _uhh_ —thought Dojima told him?" I reply, and it sounds more like a question.

"Nn-nn. It sounded like he thought you would've called..."

 _Not my family... And we've been taking the lead on the stuff left behind._

 _I'm just cleaning up the leftovers._

"I didn't think I was supposed to." I scratch my head, slowing my pace to think this through. "If Ojisan wanted him to know, he would've said something, right?"

"I think..." Rise trails off. "I think he's a little out-of-sorts."

"You mean with frikkin' Adachi, right?" I grumble.

"Yes," Rise agrees. "He's feeling left out. You should give him a call."

 _And get yelled at too?_

I groan. "I guess I can do that..."

"Thanks!" she brightens.

"You should come visit again—W-when you can," I quickly add. _It was nice to see her and Kanami._

Rise giggles. "If I have the time~ Let me know if _you_ can come to Tokyo. It'd be a lot of fun!"

"Okay!" I eagerly tell her. "I can definitely do that on one of my off-days."

"Our jobs really keep us all apart," Rise sighs. We're silent for a beat, and then she tells me she needs to run. "I have a rehearsal soon—Need to take off!"

"Bye, Rise-chan!" I respond, then mash the 'end' button.

 _When I get home, I know I should call Yuu, but man I'm dreading it. I know Rise's askin' me to pick up the slack because she's busy—And doesn't wanna deal with it._

I get preoccupied with work and forget about calling, until I wake up Teddie to come help out. Seeing him makes me remember everything else.

 _I got this..._

I say I'm taking a break and walk back into the house and go upstairs. I can't stand still as I punch in Yuu's number and wait while it rings through.

"Kanji," he happily says into the phone. "What can I do for you?"

"Uhh..." I falter, not sure what I should be saying.

After an awkward silence, I hear my old senpai sigh. "Rise told you, huh?" he asks.

"Uhm, do I hafta answer that?" I question in response.

He laughs softly. "No, it's okay. I figured she would tell _you_ ," he admits. "You've become the sort of go-to guy for the Investigation Team. I understand that clueing me in isn't your first priority, but they are my family."

"Y-yeah," I tell him. "I'm sorry. It was all so rushed, I was more worried about making sure we all lived through it."

"Hnn," he vocalizes. "So what brought this on? Rise didn't tell me why you had to find my uncle's shadow."

 _Damn. Leave that one to me, huh?_

 _Thanks Rise..._

"It turns out," I start, sweating a little. I clear my throat, stalling all I can so I don't have to hear him yell about King Crazy. "At _some point_ —bear in mind that I _don't_ know when—something _maybe_ happened and he, ahh, found himself inside of a TV. And we thought there might be a shadow and—Well," I suck in a big gulp of air. "I figured better safe than sorry...?"

 _Adachi_ figured better safe than sorry.

 _Definitely not me... Although I am glad we dealt with it when we did. Who knows if it could've clawed it's way out and into our world if left alone for any longer._

 _—I wonder how many other shadows are still wandering around in there, lost—_

 _Or not-lost. And developing egos and human bodies...?_

Yuu is silent for a minute, probably gathering his thoughts before he responds. I pace up and down the hallway, feeling way too stressed—Like I'm waiting to get yelled at by a teacher or a cop.

"Do you know how he ended up inside the TV World in the first place?" Yuu asks with a surprisingly calm voice. "Because as far as I know, he never even knew the place existed."

 _Whoops. There is that..._

"True," I state. "I think it was an accident—"

 _What the hell?_

 _Am I really gonna go to bat for friggin' Adachi?!_

"How can that be an accident?" my friend asks, sounding more worried than angry. "Was it—" his speech breaks off and he sighs again.

"You know what I'm asking," Yuu repeats. "Was it Adachi? Was he trying to hurt him?"

"Yes and no," I respond more honestly this time. "I don't know the circumference of the situation, but Dojima-san was hurt, and Adachi says he was trying to help him. He _says_ there was some accident, and that he had to put him in there—That there wasn't any other way to fix up whatever was wrong with him."

Yuu is silent again. I run a hand through my hair, hoping no one's going to blow up—

 _Yuu doesn't often lose his temper, but when he gets angry—and rightly so, in the cases I've witnessed—he really rips you apart._

 _I hope the other one—effing Adachi—can keep his cool, too. 'Cause I'm putting money on a confrontation._

 _I guess Dojima could also lose his shit: that's always a possibility. And if he blows up at Yuu about Adachi... It won't be good for any of us._

"You believe him?" Yuu questions, sounding like he genuinely wants my opinion on this.

"In this case," I breathe. "Yes."

Yuu snorts through the line. "I trust you," he warily replies.

"I've seen the weird way they interact," I go on, trying to explain myself. But likely digging that damn hole again. "I don't think Adachi would wanna—" I squint, trying to pick the right word. "I don't think he'd want something bad to happen to Dojima-san."

"Really?" Yuu counters. "Because we all know how that worked out last time."

"Y-yeah."

 _Me pinning Dojima to the hospital floor so he wouldn't fucken' kill himself..._

 _Effing shadows..._

I try again. "It really seems like he's trying to protect the old man."

"From what?" Yuu asks, his voice flipping back to concerned. "What's wrong in Inaba now?"

"W-well..."

 _Kubo. Other grudges._

 _Apparently demons._

 _Things trying to pull their way out of the TVs..._

"You n-never really kn-know!" is all I can tell him—Trying to evade the question so he doesn't have to worry about stuff that should work itself out.

"Alright," Yuu gives in a little. "I'll try and come down soon. Please keep watching over my family."

"Of course!" I tell him. "I wouldn't do anything else." I smile to myself. _They're kinda like my family now, too._

"Good b—" he starts to say, but I cut him off.

"You, ah, hear about Nanako and Ted, by the way?" I ask.

I hear him hum as he tries to recall any news. "No," he replies. "But I know they're very close. Did something happen?"

"Not really, but it's so obvious now that they like each other. It's kinda cute, but also weird. He still acts like a ten-year-old..." I laugh. "I really don't know what to do with him. It's like—Does he even know what it means to be in a relationship with someone?"

"I don't know," Yuu confides. "Has he spent time around anyone _in_ a relationship?"

 _Right now I really, really wish he didn't practically live at the Dojimas'..._

"N-not really," I quickly reply.

 _The ojisan ain't good role models. That's for damn sure!_

 _More like how not to act..._

"I'm sure they'll be fine," my friend laughs. "They're both good kids."

"Hell yeah!" I agree. "Okay—I gotta get going."

"See you, Kanji," Yuu says. "Let me know if anything's wrong."

"I will!" I tell him and hang up, feeling relived things should start to finally settle down.

* * *

Notes: As I said the last time I had Yuu pop up... He's extremely useful because his personality is whatever you need! (I actually feel pretty shitty about painting him as a not-get-along-er... But it's what I need for the tension!)

As an aside... I wonder if Yuu would also be jelly of Kanji in Mukidashite? He's the new "leader", basically, and close with his family.

Hnn... I didn't put anything referencing this in the chapter, but Kanji does use more polite ways of addressing the Dojimas when he speaks to Yuu alone, rather than how he doesn't use a suffix for Nanako and usually calls Ryoutarou "Ojisan". I always read Kanji as pretty respectful—As long as he thought you deserved it.

Re-Edited 7/8/17


	45. Shadows of the Past (Kazoku)

NOTES: Yes yes... I KNOW that in canon Teddie ends up thinking he was just an "ordinary shadow" and all, but we're still doing suspended disbelief, right? He was just trying to desperately make sense of it all, right? He finally remembered a little and he DOES come from Tohru! (For Mukidashite purposes, anyhow.)

* * *

Chapter 0-2: Shadows of the Past

(Tohru)

I started to act more like my real self after I pushed Yamano in.

 _It was a shock, seeing her strung up like that..._

 _Is that what he meant by 'taken care of'?_

 _I can't say it's what I wanted, but she was a dumb bitch. And it's not like I literally killed her—It was that other guy who looks like me..._

 _Pretending to be me. Said he'd help me..._

 _The more I think about the way it all happened, the more I realize I really can do whatever I want..._

 _I can't be blamed if there's no real evidence, right?_

 _Heh~_

 _I can do whatever I want!_

 _Just have to keep my head down enough—Play the fool._

 _I really can do whatever I want~!_

 _But I do want to know what really happened._

 _...I do wonder what it's like in there—Inside of the TV._

I decide to go for it. I bet I can get back through.

I place my hand, palm-down, on the television screen, but meet no resistance. It passes right through— _Feels like the pins-and-needles you get when you fall asleep on your arm._

It works!

 _Couldn't hurt too much to check it out. I can avoid the other guy and find out more about that place—Whatever it is._

 _He seemed to need me, alive so I think I'm safe._

I set my TV on the floor and slide my way in—Like how you'd enter a pool from the ledge. I feel the now-familiar falling, then land awkwardly, one leg bending in a not-great direction _. It's only my second time in here. I can't expect to learn right away._

 _I never was the quickest study._

The scenery is much different than before—It's been so _completely_ retooled that there's no way it can even be the same place!

 _Good—He won't be able to find me._

 _And now I know there are more places to explore. It's like finding hidden levels in a game you think you've hundred-percented. Like DLC. Or a new-game-plus._

I hear myself chuckling and am surprised I can laugh at the absurdity of everything. But I guess that's why it's funny—Still hasn't quite sunk in.

It looks like I've stepped onto a movie set. The floor is tiled in red and purple, while a yellow mist permeates the air. Trusses and ladders and bridges lead out from the main soundstage.

 _Wish it looked more like a game—The way the other place did. But I am inside of a television. It makes sense that it would look like a film set._

I amble around, taking in the odd design etched into the target pattern on the center of the main floor. There are figures scratched in. The look like police outlines of bodies.

 _Sweet._

 _That's a nice complement to the crime scene tape in the other world._

 _And the people look like they're all being sucked into a vortex._

 _They looked shocked! Helpless!_

 _Fucking hysterical—Wish they had faces I could see..._

Not wanting to get lost, I slowly pick my way down a few of the suspended trails, noting how they connect and which ones loop back to the main area.

After I've been walking for a time, I start to hear a funny, repetitive noise. _It's like a squeaky, dripping, upbeat..._

I peer through the light haze enshrouding the area. There's a figure walking parallel to me, but it's a few paths away.

 _I don't think it sees me... Just keeps waving what must be arms._

I continue heading in my original direction, careful to avoid crossing paths. I draw my altered Nambu— _I've already killed one person, so what's the harm? Doesn't even look human. It's too short._

"Helloooo~" I hear, and assume it's the creature. "Is anyone bear?"

I freeze— _It can't see me, right?_

"I wanna play! Someone please talk to me! I'm so beary super-duper friendly! Grr~"

I shudder, but keep circling the main platform. The creature gets closer and closer until I can make it out—No more than thirty feet away, now.

When he comes into better focus—thankfully headed away from me—my entire body seizes.

 _I can't move—_

 _Can't think—_

 _CAN'T BE HAPPENING—_

He looks like a brightly-colored stuffed bear. Like a toy.

He looks like a very _specific_ toy.

He looks like the toy bear my—

I drop to the ground from a sudden, sharp pain zinging through my head.

 _'Why are you here?'_

"Huh?" I whisper. "Who—"

 _'It's me—You. You made another shadow! It's going to be unstable. Hurry up and accept it!'_

"N-n-no!" I quietly hiss. "That's not mine—"

 _'It clearly is. Now take care of it. There shouldn't be more than one wandering around or I wont be as powerful. Go!'_

"Anyone?" the bear calls again. "I'm so _beary lonely_ ~ I would love to meet you! And talk! And play~~"

I clutch my head with one hand, and point the Nambu through the mist and light with the other.

 _Maybe I could accept the other one—I'm clearly off._

 _But this._

 _Not happening—I will not go there and think about that._

 _Will not. Will not—WILL NOT!_

I see the _thing_ begin to turn around and I stay down—Hoping the railings will hide me well enough.

"I-I'm so scared all by myself..." is whines. "Please play with me!"

I can see it's mouth curving up a little and the hair on my arms stands up. _It's trying to smile while it's crying._

 _NO._

 _I don't want to see this—I can't handle this—I need to get out of here!_

The next thing I know, I'm back in my apartment, being ejected from the television screen. I barely have time to register getting pitched into the air before I land hard again.

I spend the rest of the evening shaking. Sitting on the floor of my apartment with my gun loaded and the safety off.

 **#**

The next time I see that goddamn bear, it's at Junes.

I'm slacking off while pretending to pick up coffee, and I see it zoom into the food court, right up to those fucking brats. And the little fuckers act like it's _totally normal_ that something clearly not-human came out of _that_ world and into _this one_.

I almost shit my pants when it pops off the top of its costume and _a little blond boy jumps out_.

Said boy looking suspiciously like a younger me, minus my hair and eye colors. The hair is unstyled, just swept to the side the way I used to wear it, not bothering to cut it practically ever.

I begin to sweat and duck back behind one of the banners proclaiming the specials. I do _not_ want to get close to _that thing_...

I avoid him as much as possible during the coming months, though he doesn't seem to recognize me at all. Which is good.

I like to pretend it doesn't exist.

 **#**

Now that Marie re-suppressed my shadow, I should be good for a while. As long as I can stay away from other shadows—and the TV World—for a time, I'll be able to learn to control it again. He won't be able to pop into my head as easily.

Which is good because he's damn irritating. _Wants me to fall back into my old patterns of apathy and cruelty._

I can do better. I'm starting over—And they're having me live here, like they think I can do it.

 _I have to do it._

But can I do better if he's _still a part of me_?

 _Can I even eject him at this point?_

I know I'll always have the same impulses and needs, but if I can tone it down—Blunt it at least a little like I did before I was dragged through my own fucking television—

Then maybe it'll be okay.

 _I can be me and be decent..._

 _At least half-decent._

 _I can settle for that and I think Ryoutarou would, too._

But if he's still a part of me...

 _Will I never be able to move on?_

 _Will it be possible to break out of this cycle?_

If he just stays suppressed, then he can't egg me on. He won't be able to activate whatever else he was keeping up his metaphorical sleeve.

 _Please—No more surprises..._

* * *

Notes: And I know it might painful... But I'm probably going to tease and hint about the circumstances surrounding Teddie's designs for a while. This theme for Part IV is "Family", so we'll cover it, but Ryoutarou's family is demanding (literally) more attention... I have two more original characters locked and loaded. I hope I can execute this properly!

Re-Edited 7/8/17


	46. Not the Same (Kazoku)

SUMMARY: The first regular chapter! Nanako helps Teddie work it out.

NOTES: Ugh. I hit turbulence and couldn't get the notebook chapter up to par. It didn't feel like I had their voices down properly. So I cut it for now... Once again, we're losing a prologue. Straight to the first chapter! I saved my attempt, though, so maybe we can revisit it later on.

So I pushed to get this one out faster than I wanted. It's about 300 words under my self-imposed minimum of 1000 per-post. Therefore, I will put up the second chapter tomorrow! (It's Tohru and ~1400 words!)

As a separate note: My Teddie theory is JUST that he was Adachi's shadow. All backstory I'm conjuring is Mukidashite-only. We never get much canon backstory for Adachi and I wanted to take a crack at it. I've seen a lot of interpretations that he grew up in an abusive environment, and you've probably guessed I'm going that direction.

* * *

Chapter One: Not the Same

(Nanako)

I can only watch as my best friend cries these huge, hiccupping sobs.

 _I feel so useless._

Teddie has always been there for me—Has continued to be the one to cheer me up the easiest and most often.

What can _I_ do?

"Teddie..." I enunciate. "Teddie, it's okay."

He shakes his head. "I—Its not!"

"What did Tohru-jisan say?" I ask.

"E-enough for me to know I'm right."

I put my arm around his shoulders and he doesn't shrink away like he has the past few days. "You've always been you—You don't know any different, and neither do I." He peeks over at me, tears still sliding down his hurt-contorted face.

"I mean it. Think of it like having a parent you don't like or don't agree with... _He's him and you're you—_ You may be related, but you're not the same. And I'll never see you any different than my Teddie."

"But I probably have some of—"

"You _don't_ ," I assert. "I like Tohru-jisan, but he's not you. He's not always nice, but you are. You always put other people before yourself as if it's the first thing on your mind. You're selfless and caring and loving. And that's part of what makes you who you are."

"Wh-what if I'm not? If I stopped always being nice, would I still be me?"

I nod. " _Yes._ You have your own mind and your own memories—And those are what make you decide how to live. They're what make you _you_."

"What—W-what if I got the memories back? Then I'd be the same as him..."

"Nn-nn!" I shake my head back and forth. "You'd still have all the new things that are only _yours_. He'll never have the same experiences that you've been through since you came out of the TV World, and you'll never know what he's been through since you split apart."

Teddie wipes his eyes and nose. I feel a small smile form on my lips as I pass him a tissue to clean himself. "But..." he begins. "But what if the memories are _scary_?"

 _I think they will be..._

"Then..." I trail off, trying to figure out a positive way to spin this. "I'll be there. I promise I'll help you through it." I take Teddie's hand in mine. " _You can always call me and I'll get there super-fast!_ " I smile at him as I repeat the proclamation he gave me last week. He squeezes my hand and proffers a thin smile of his own.

"And look at it this way—You'll know what it was like to be him. Maybe you can help everyone else understand what he went through and why he is the way he is." I bite my lip, watching Teddie absorb and process that idea.

"Yeah," he replies. "That... Could be a good thing..."

"He doesn't really let any of us in," I continue. "And none of us know why—I don't even think Dad does. I know he gets frustrated that Tohru-jisan acts weird and can't tell us what he's feeling." _It makes me sad._ "Because If you don't have the memories, maybe he doesn't, either."

Teddie finally starts looking a better. "Mm!" he vigorously nods his head, then snaps it around to look at the stairway. "Sh-should we go talk to him?" he asks me.

"Not yet," I answer. "It sounds like he calmed down, but let's wait till Dad comes back down—We don't really know."

"Okay," Teddie agrees, wiping his face one more time. Then he scoots closer to me so we're touching.

He's always been needy—He regularly presses the boundaries of physical contact with everyone, even though most of the guys give him crap. He's always held my hand and hugged me a lot.

But I've never wanted to hug _him_ so much. I reach out and put my arm around Teddie again and he snuggles into me. I laugh when he closes his eyes and looks abruptly more at ease. I rub his light hair and he makes a happy little noise and sniffles some more.

 _We'll all be fine..._

* * *

Re-Edited 7/8/17


	47. Changes (Kazoku)

NOTES: Little bits of Tohru backstory are creeping through again!

Anybody notice it's canon that Teddie grows a little by the next year? As a human young-person, he changes! They can change!

* * *

Chapter Two: Changes

(Tohru)

He said _it_ —

 _He fucking said it!_

I know I'm screaming—I'm aware that I'm letting out long, ululating sounds over and over and over again—

But I can't do it.

I don't want to remember—Not that he _was_ a part of me.

Not that I ran— _terrified_ —when I saw the bubbly bear talking to no one. I saw him wandering around, looking both happy and scared— _as if that's even a thing_ —searching for other people or shadows to play with.

He would've talked to anyone; bright-eyed and expecting he best. He would've trusted even _me_ —The twisted, haunted-house of a mind he came from.

If I didn't run I would have torn him to ribbons—

 _No one can be that innocent and trusting._

It's not how you _survive_.

I never thought I'd see that stuffed bear again as long as I lived. I couldn't have— _It was handmade and then destroyed! I slipped it under her arm before she was cremated—_

 _I never should have seen it again!_

The fact that _someone_ or _something_ looking like a carbon copy of my "best friend" could have popped up on the other side could _only_ mean that it came from me.

The fact that it tried to smile and used the same stupid puns I imagined someone so colorful would—

I couldn't allow myself anywhere _near_ it—

 _It knew too much..._

Of course it turned out that he had no memories—Either because he was modeled after my old bear— _stuffed animals don't have memories_ —or because I've tried so hard to shove it all down...

 _I'll never know._

All I _do_ know is that he had to have come out of _my_ mind.

A perfect copy of everything I'd hoped the world to be: happy, colorful, friendly, trusting, talkative-energetic-upbeat-unhurt-friendlyhappylovinghonestkind _trusting_ —

Everything I _can't_ be.

Everything I learned was _useless_.

Everything I—

"—AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—" I continue to screech, trying to curl up tighter, trying to be as small as possible. But there are hands tugging at me, pulling me out of the corner.

I finally stop yelling because it feels like I'm being practically covered— _Feels safe._ I can feel myself being held on to tightly, as if it's coming from all around me.

When I open my eyes, I can't see anything. When I try to move my head, I meet resistance for a few seconds, until Ryoutarou jerks away to let me look up.

He has his arms around me, holding me to his chest. I think his chin was on top of my head. And he even managed to pull me to him in a way that his legs encircle the spot where my body touches the floor.

He looks down, meeting my eyes with his. Looking absurdly worried.

"Hey," he softly speaks.

"H-hey," I manage.

Ryoutarou sighs and nudges my head back down so I'm all curled up again. "Don't worry," he soothes. "Don't rush. Take as much time as you need..."

I can feel him breathing. It jostles me back and forth a little and _is_ kind of funny. I'm a little squished, but this doesn't feel _bad_.

 _It feels like someone cares._ Like he was so desperate that I wouldn't come out of the corner—which I probably wouldn't—that all he could think to do was to _be_ the corner.

When I finally know I'll be okay, I try to lift my head again and he moves his own out of the way. "Want me to get up?" Ryoutarou questions.

I shake my head. " _Never,_ " I reply, snorting out a few shaky laughs. I ball my hand in his shirt so Ryoutarou _can't_ easily move away.

He sucks in a deep breath and holds it for some time before letting it go. "You're not gonna tell me what the hell happened." _It's a statement. Not a question._

"No," I reply. "I can't do that right now—Can't even think about it."

Ryoutarou nods and rubs my back. "Alright."

"How is..." I leave my sentence unfinished.

"He was really bawling," Ryoutarou sighs. "Did you, _ah_ —Were you mean to him?" He stills his hand when he asks, as if he's afraid I meant to upset the kid.

"No," I say. "Not on purpose, at least." I search Ryoutarou's face, hoping he knows I'm telling the truth.

He smiles the tiniest bit. "Good. He seems fragile."

 _'He seems fragile', huh?_

Bet you'd _love_ to know where he came from.

Which "fragile" individual produced something like _that_.

I chew on my lip, not looking foreword to dealing with this. "We should go down..."

"Yes," Ryoutarou nods. "You should talk it out." He covers my hand with his, and I release him with a huff.

I stand first, pushing on his shoulders to get to my feet. I still feel shaky. Still feel as though I can't talk about this.

 _But I'm out of time, aren't I?_

I extend my hand down to Ryoutarou and drag him to his feet, too. When I try to let go, he doesn't release my hand, just pulls me out of the room behind him.

In the hallway, I notice you can't hear the kid's not crying anymore. _I can't hear anything from downstairs, really. Are they even still here?_

I let Ryoutarou lead me down to the fist floor, and he shakes his head when we find the two kids sitting on the couch. Nanako's reading with one arm curled around Teddie, who's fallen asleep learning against her.

"Tuckered him out, huh?" Ryoutarou asks.

Nanako nods, grimacing. "He was really upset. He knows where he came from, Tohru-jisan," she pointedly tells me.

I can't help snarling, which earns me a groan from Ryoutarou, who squeezes my hand—hard—then yanks me in front of him. "Tell me what's going on," he demands. "One of you."

I raise my eyebrows when Ryoutarou turns his gaze to Nanako. _I don't wanna tell him._

 _Can we make something up?_

 _But I guess that's what got me here to begin with..._

I sigh through clenched teeth, and stare at the sleeping boy. "He was... He was of my shadows," I grudgingly admit. "I didn't want him to know— _I_ didn't want to know."

I roughly scratch at my head. "He's my opposite and he knows it, but we share a lot of similarities, too. It probably freaked him out..."

"No—" Ryoutarou shakes his head, baffled. "That can't be right..." He drops my hand and walks over to the other two. Nanako doesn't move when he draws closer, just tightens her grip on Teddie.

"It's true," she confesses. "But he's _him_. He never had any of Tohru-jisan's memories. He's a completely different person."

Ryoutarou reaches them and bends over, examining the boy's face closely for the fist time. "There is a _faint_ resemblance..." he mutters. "But that's too weird," he balks.

"Ryota doesn't look like a clone of you," I point out.

"They're totally different people," Nanako repeats, avowing her position. "Back up and give him space," she defiantly tells her father.

"Because _he_ gives everyone so much space," I quip.

Nanako glares at me, but doesn't say anything. Ryoutarou indeed backs up, looking stunned—Once again the last to know.

 _He's not gonna like that..._

I sling my arm and his shoulder and guide him to the tall table. "Here," I try, attempting to control the situation more. "Take a seat and we'll wake him up and figure it out."

 _If it's going to be this much of an upset I guess I have to deal with it._

 _Fuck. Am I being responsible?_

"Wake him up," I instruct Nanako, sighing. "Let's get this over with."

She glances between myself and Ryoutarou, then gently shakes Teddie and he makes some whiny noises before opening his eyes and looking around the room. His face falls when he sees everyone watching him so expectantly.

"...We did talk about it, right?" he quietly asks Nanako. She nods and his eyes shoot back to me. "I'm right, aren't I? We're the same?"

"We're not the _same_ ," I tell him, annoyance lacing my voice. "You don't have my memories, and you don't look much like me at all."

 _Maybe when he gets older..._

 _Yuck that's weird._

"Look, kid," I try again, yanking at my hair and pacing around the coffee table. "You're so different there is no way you could ever be like me unless you got head trauma—Which I can help you with, but..."

Nanako rolls her eyes and pats Teddie's shoulder. "Don't worry about him," she tells the boy. "I told you how I feel and that's all that matters. I think Kanji will feel the same."

Teddie's face falls. "I-I-I have to t-tell him, too?"

"You should," Nanako replies. "I'll come with you if you want."

"Okay," he reluctantly agrees, looking around at everyone.

Nanako bookmarks her page and stands. "Let's get it over with."

Teddie's eyes widen and he shrinks back into the couch. "Right now?"

"Yes," Nanako tells him. "This way we can relax the rest of the day," she grins. "Kanji won't care and then you'll feel better."

"Can we stop for snacks first?" the kid innocently asks.

Nanako giggles and extends her hand to him, looking about to give a positive response, when we all turn at the abrupt sound of Ryoutarou's chair scraping across the floor. He walks into the kitchen and rummages around the basket of snacks.

He walks over to the boy and holds out his hand. "Here," he tells him. "Do you like these?"

 _That's my melonpan!_

I don't have a chance to complain before Teddie ascends on it. "That's my _favorite_!" the boy whoops.

Ryoutarou smiles sadly. "Of course it is," he mutters. We watch the kids put on their shoes and leave, chattering the whole time. Then he turns to me and shakes his head. "I believe you."

I huff and roll my eyes. "Why would I lie about that?"

Shrugging, Ryoutarou tosses a second package to me. "Feel any better?" he asks.

I nod and walk to the couch—I won't open it right away.

 _I can't be bribed._

Once I'm sitting, though, I dig right in. I hear him snicker as he loads the coffeemaker.

"So, what?" Ryoutarou asks in a joking tone. "You really are a kid on the inside?"

My irritation surfaces and I don't answer. I just keep stuffing my mouth full of bread so I don't snap. When he turns around to see if I'm even listening, I brazenly wad up the plastic wrapper and throw it to the floor.

Ryoutarou rolls his eyes and comes over. He picks up the wrapper and places it on the low table before sitting down next to me. "What?" he asks, searching me.

"We're nothing alike."

"Not even a little?" Ryoutarou raises an eyebrow, challenging.

" _No_ ," I tell him.

Ryoutarou ignores me and continues. "Cause isn't he supposed to be a part of your personality, even if it's buried deep in there?" He taps my chest for emphasis and I frown. "Because your reaction when I gave you melonpan last week was very similar."

I glare. "That's _one_ thing," I guardedly reply.

Ryoutarou's eyes light up and he tries a different tactic. "What about..." He starts to stand and I reflexively grab his wrist.

 _Dammit—_

I realize as soon as I've done it that he means I'm needy. I groan and release him. Ryoutarou sits back down and smiles at me. "I don't have to say anything, do I?" he questions.

I grunt and scoot away from him. I sit in my usual seat and draw my knees to my chest.

I watch as Ryoutarou goes to retrieve the fresh coffee. He pours it into our mugs and carries it back over. I'm handed mine and he plops back down next to me.

"There's no sugar or anything," I grumble.

Ryoutarou sips his own hot drink and glances at me mischievously. "You don't hate it as much as you used to."

"So?" I scoff. "I still don't _like_ it..." I take a sip as I wait for him to make his point.

 _But it isn't awful._

"You're making a face," Ryoutarou laughs a little and takes the mug back form me. He places them on the low table and looks at me with a serious expression. Then he sighs and scratches his neck, moving closer so he can pull me to him.

I don't cooperate. So he grumbles and simply picks me up off the couch so he can hold me. I scowl, which prompts a sigh from him.

"Look—" Ryoutarou tries. "Just be you. Don't push something away because you think it makes us see you differently. Be excited if you want—I don't give a shit." His forehead creases and he shakes his head. "Actually, I like it. But you seem to think showing off that side of you to anyone else makes you seem weak."

I glare cautiously.

Ryoutarou sighs again and bonks our heads together. "I'm serious..." He turnsaway a little so I can't see his face.

 _Aggravating—_

I let go of my knees to grab his hair and yank so he's looking at me again. Ryoutarou groans, agitated.

"I'm happy," he haltingly confesses. "That I know there's a part of you that's so..."

He stops speaking, a pained expression playing over his features. But it's okay because I'm finishing that sentence again in my head:

 _Happy._

 _Friendly._

 _Trusting._

 _Unhurt._

 _Any of those work._

"I'm fine," I answer, trying to brush this off.

"Of course," he easily replies. "But—" Ryoutarou shifts me so he can reach out to grab my mug. "Things change." He hands it to me and I grimace, knowing he expects me to drink it again—And that it _will_ prove his point.

I take a sip as he picks up his own. "Don't force it one way or the other. I'll meet you where you're at."

I watch my partner as I drain the nasty—okay only kind-of nasty—coffee. _He looks content._

 _How does he do that?_

 _He's got his own unique set of challenges and hang-ups, but he acts like everything will work out._

 _I tell people that things will be fine—But I don't usually mean it._

 _He seems so sure of himself._

 _—And he seems so sure of me._

"Teach me how to do that," I mumble into the cup.

"Hmm?" Ryoutarou asks, probably pulling himself out of his own thoughts.

I shake my head. "I said it needs sugar, old man. You going deaf?"

Ryoutarou pushes me off him, then jabs me hard in the side. "Change does take time."

* * *

Re-Edited 7/8/17


	48. Before the Storm (Kazoku)

NOTES: I can't be the only one who's ever wondered where the hell the rest of the Doujima clan is, right? Yuu's out in Tokyo; Ryoutarou's in Inaba—And he hadn't seen Yuu since he was a kid. So? Where is everyone else? You'd think if Nanako's mom died, some of her relatives would at least check in on the poor kid. In today's chapter, we're going to get a little more of the drama I've cooked up to fill in some blanks!

Did I mention before that Sakamoto's first name is Ryuuji? I've been feeling like it's kind of weird that Doujima never calls him by his first name when they're kinda friends and have known each other for forever. During my recent revisions, I added two instances in Oretachi where he uses Sakamoto's first name to attempt to address this.

I honestly didn't come up with a first name for him until I was a little ways through Oretachi—Before that he was supposed to be just a filler character. But then I realized I was missing opportunities for them to discuss things bothering Doujima and for them to have each other's backs. As Doujima mentioned in Watakushi, he's definitely closer to Kanji, but I mean come on! Even shut-ins have more friends than he does! (Mostly internet friends, but I digress...)

* * *

Chapter Three: Before the Storm

(Ryoutarou)

 _Monday..._

Today I officially return to work. I've dropped in a few times to check on things—and argue with Sakamoto—but haven't done anything official or turned in my overdue reports.

I run through my normal routine, paging through my notes to brush up while I brew enough coffee to fill the new thermos. I finish off the higher priority files first, shoving them into my bag after I eat. I know Yamamura will bring me up to speed when I arrive, but it's always better to act professional.

 _I need to give Yamamura some reason to trust me. I can't blame him if he's wary, now that he knows about Tohru._

 _Best foot foreword..._

When everything is in order, I head back upstairs to say goodbye to Tohru. I laugh at the reality that starting tomorrow, he'll have to be up at this hour, too. _I doubt it'll go smoothly._

Pushing the door open the rest of the way, I can see he's still out. He didn't so much as stir when I awoke. I had to extricate myself forcefully—shoving Tohru away hard—but it didn't seem to bother him a bit.

I sit on the futon and feel my mouth turn up in a smile. He's buried under the covers even though it's still summer. I slide them aside and lay down next to him for a minute.

"Good morning," I tell Tohru, drawing him to me. He nestles in and yawns. I rub the back of his head and smile, thinking maybe things will finally calm down. "I have to leave for work soon..."

"Yeah," Tohru sighs. "Too bad."

I chuckle. "Like you'll even miss me—Bet you'll go straight back to bed the second I'm out the door..." Tohru pulls away so he can study my face.

He blinks a few times, looking a little more alert. Tohru breaks out in that goofy grin of his. "No, _Sir_!"

"Oi!" I dig my finger into his ribs and he yips. "I know you're trying to rile me up but I still don't like that."

Tohru rolls his eyes. "Can't take a joke, huh old man?"

"I don't care for _that_ , either."

He giggles and it turns into another yawn. "Can't send you off to work in a good mood. _That's_ not the Ryou I know!"

I sigh. "I'm a little different than you remember. I mostly try to get along—As you can see by how I've _not_ decked Yamamura."

"Really?" Tohru earnestly questions, eyeing me suspiciously. "The only guy at the station I haven't seen you whack is Sakamoto. And I assumed that's because he's your friend."

"Nope. I've punched him, too," I admit. "Not recently—But back at the beginning. We started here at the same time, so he's technically my peer."

"No one's safe~" Tohru mocks.

I grunt. "He told me I have to cut it out. I need to get a hold of my temper. _I've been trying._ "

Tohru stares at me and nods thoughtfully. "I have noticed," he quietly acknowledges.

"I'm going to be better." I grin. "... _And_ I was told I'll get suspended next time I'm caught decking anyone. That maybe helped make me commit to it."

"What?" Tohru scoffs. "All because your last partner snapped so bad? It's not because you'd hit me—You _do know_ that, right?"

I exhale. "I used to wonder." Tohru scrunches up his face, looking hurt. "I don't worry so much anymore. That's why I still do _this_ —" I try to hold in another laugh as I lightly tap his side where I previously dug in my finger.

Tohru flinches away and hisses at me. "You remember when I told you that you _can't_ hurt me anymore? That still hurts— _Because you're poking right between my ribs!_ "

I roll my eyes and rub the spot. "That's the _point_. How else can I keep you in line?"

"You can't. No matter what you do!" He bares his teeth and gives me the evil grin.

"I love you, but you can be a real goddamn trial..." I look at the man before me and shake my head. "Alright. I have to get moving."

"Already?" Tohru pouts.

"Yes. I have a meeting first thing with Sakamoto and Yamamura."

"You spend the whole day with Yamamura, don't you?" he grumbles. "I don't like him."

I sigh. "Well my last partner was fired... Or I'd be spending my days with _him_ , you know."

Tohru glowers, looking particularly nasty. I rub his back before I start to pull away.

"Hey you know what I didn't get to do the other day?" Tohru smirks, brightening. He slots his hand behind my head and curls his fingers around as much hair as possible so I can't get up.

I tiredly sigh, knowing it can't be anything good by the look on his face. "What?"

Tohru burrows into the crook of my neck, moving my collar aside to nuzzle his face there. It makes me I relax a little— _Until I feel a pressure and the sharp jolt of teeth._

I groan, which just makes the jackass clamp down _harder_.

"Seriously?!" I demand when he finally pulls away. "I have to go to work today—Why the hell would you _do_ that?"

He leers and gives me a smug look.

"Tohru." I speak slowly, hoping he'll get the fucking message this time. "You need to cut that shit out."

He doesn't look a bit remorseful. Just self-satisfied. "It won't even show." He continues to smirk lazily at me, taunting. "You want me to be myself..."

"Tohru," I repeat, aggravated. "I _love_ you. I'm _yours_. What else do you want me to say?"

He pulls at the collar of my shirt so he can see the mark he made. I slap his hand away. "Reverse the order of importance and it'll be _something_ ," he snidely huffs.

"I'm not pandering to your possessiveness." I tangle my hand in his hair and yank him back so we're looking at each other. "I really don't get you," I whisper.

"It's pretty simple," he replies. " _I'm_ pretty simple. I don't like that I have to stay here all day while you're out there having fun with fucking Yamamura."

" _'Having fun'?_ " I incredulously spit. "Do you even remember what work was like?!" I rap my knuckles on his head, moving from annoyance to displeasure. "I sit at a desk and write reports, or walk around town solving petty crimes!"

I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to calm down. "I don't particularly care for any of my coworkers except Sakamoto—And he's way, _way_ below Kanji and Teddie."

Tohru guardedly takes that in. "Really?"

"Do you know I got in trouble for chewing Yamamura out because he used your old work-mug? It's still on the bookcase and I didn't like the thought of it going to someone else."

 _When he wasn't here, it did feel too close to replacing him. Maybe now I'll get along with Yamamura better. Maybe..._

 _We'll see._

" _Really?_ " the edge of Tohru's mouth quirks up.

 _Yeah. That makes him happy..._

"Yes," I groan. "Now I have to go. Let me up."

He relents and curls back under the sheet. "Bye," Tohru mumbles. "Wake me when you get home..."

"You'd better be up long before that!" I call behind myself as I slide the door shut.

 _I'll call him during lunch to make sure._ I sigh to myself as I collect my things and walk to the car.

 _A schedule is going to be good. The shithead needs structure._

 **#**

"Morning, Sir!" Yamamura happily calls when I enter the office.

I reflexively glare at him. _More of this crap._

"Hi," I tiredly reply, setting down my bag. I sit and start unpacking everything.

I see Yamamura walking over out of the corner of my eye, and I glance up. He's got a little slip of paper. I frown. "I'm on time—There's already a call?"

The guy nods, passing it to me. "He said it was urgent."

I read the details: Tarou; from an unlisted number.

 _We're going to do this first thing, yeah?_

I run a hand through my hair and groan. "There wasn't a number to reach him back at?" I question to be sure.

Yamamura shakes his head, looking nervous. "No. He said he'd call again later."

I sigh and crumple up the paper. "Did he say where he was?"

"...No."

"Great." I nod to the kid and find the notes I'll need for the meeting. "He'll call back. Let's go."

In the conference room, I place my things at one end of the curved table. Yamamura starts to put his bag down at the seat next to mine, so I shove my thermos over. He takes the hint and slides down one, looking disappointed.

It takes a real effort not to roll my eyes.

A few other men and women file into the room and find seats, with Sakamoto rolling through the door right on time. He almost smiles, but quashes it quickly.

"Ryou," he nods to me.

"Ryuuji," I curtly reply, matching formality.

He pushes my tumbler away and drops a load of files at the last open seat. "Guess no one else missed Dojima, huh?" he quips, searching for his notes.

I hear someone snicker, but they stop when I sweep my gaze around the room. _Like I give a shit._

 _But I will have respect._

Sakamoto smirks at me before he walks up front to get the ball rolling. When he finishes the announcements, everyone with business presents one by one.

When it's Yamamura's turn, I lean over as if to confer with Sakamoto. "Does that suspension come with pay?" I question.

"Chief's discretion," he evenly replies.

"So if I were gunning for the chief..."

Sakamoto shakes his head. "Maybe you'd get fined."

"Too bad," I sigh, straightening. "I could use a vacation."

My friend snorts. "You could use a different career. Maybe a mountain somehwere's missing its ogre."

"Can't suspend me if I'm off the clock."

As a bonus, Yamamura's staring at us bug-eyed—Like he thinks we're critiquing him. I smile, barely able to keep from laughing, and the color drains from his face.

 _Can they send me one person who knows how to give a presentation...?_

After the meeting, an operator stops me in the hall to let me know I have an important call waiting. I thank them and rush back to my office, grabbing a pen and notepad.

"Dojima," I say into the phone.

"H-hi, Ryoutarou-san," a weary voice greets me. "It's Tarou—As you probably guessed."

"Yes?" I grunt. "What happened?"

He stalls, dragging out the first syllable. "I, ah, I've been detained. I don't know by whom. They told me I should use my one phone call on you."

"Oi!" I interject. "That can't be enforced. You're allowed as many calls as you need..." I rub my forehead; can already tell this is going to be one hell of a chat.

"Heh," Tarou sighs. "These people are heavily armed. I'm inclined to listen."

 _Yup. Fucking knew it._

"You're with Naichou, aren't you?" I demand.

"N-not sure..."

"Haaah," I exhale. "What do they want?"

"One minute... They're writing down an address—" I can Tarou "mm-hmm"ing and scribbling down more information. "Okay. Alright—I-I'll tell him." I hear an annoyed noise as he turns back to the phone.

"They say you can have the papers—They'll give you the kid's documentation—But you need to pick it up in person. At an address in Narita, and—What?" he asks someone else. "That's a weird demand..."

 _Ohh fuck._

"What is it?" I bark.

"They said you're to bring a guest for the day. They want you to bring Nanako-chan?" his voice rises at the end, as though he knows how nuts it all sounds.

 _Of course they do._

"Yeah," I snort. "I figured as much..." I trail off as I consider everything. "Tarou—" I start. "Do they have any other dirt on you?"

"No way!" he immediately relies. "I've been on the straight-and-narrow!"

"I figured." I groan and scratch the back of my head.

 _This is a shitty thing to do, but..._

 _I'm calling the bluff._

"Tarou?" I query. "Tell them I can't accept the offer. I'm fairly certain they'll just let you go and I'll be back to square one with Kuma. Which is _fine_."

" _W-what_ _?_ " he gasps. "You're not going to get me out of here?"

 _He sounds pretty panicked—They'll let him go._

 _I'm sure._

"No, sorry. I can't accept their terms." I yank out a cigarette and light it, not giving a flying whatever that I'm at work and Yamamura is watching me like I'm some neon-colored alien.

"D-dojima-san?" my partner calls form across the room. "Is everything okay?"

 _Must look angry..._

I wave Yamamura off, motioning for him to shut his trap.

Tarou is still conferring nervously with whoever is over there. "Uh—Ryoutarou-san. They're willing to negotiate... But it's weird. It smells funny—"

"What are their new terms?" I question, cutting the other man off. "Probably not as far-fetched as they seem."

"We-ell..."

"Spit it out!" I command.

Tarou sighs. "They seem to think Ah-ad- _achi's_ somewhere you can get to him—A-as if you'd even know where he was," Tarou hesitantly barks a staccato of nervous laughter. "But they said you can bring _him_ instead."

I heave a sigh. " _Yup._ I know where he is. They obviously know he's living with me—"

" _What?!_ " Tarou squeaks. " _Ah—What?_ "

"Don't worry about it," I moan. "He can't leave the house for extended periods of time, though... So..."

Tarou is quiet as he listens again. "They said to go to the same address as before. Take it down. And they'll give him a five-hour window for the drive up. As long as you show, they'll extend it." Tarou sighs. "And they're saying if you _don't_ show, they'll make sure he gets put away-away again. They said somewhere you can't find him..."

" _Yup,_ " I repeat. "Tell them I have to work. What damn day do they want?"

"Tomorrow."

 _Tohru's first day of work..._

 _Guess that's not happening._

"We'll be there." I groan. "Tarou—You'll be fine." The other man says something incoherent and I hang up.

Yamamura's still staring at me, so I crush the cigarette and ask him what the fuck he's looking at. He mutters an apology and gets back to work.

I take my coffee and search for Sakamoto—Which is harder than expected. He isn't in his office.

I finally catch him out in reception, talking to who-the-hell-knows. Somebody new.

"Sakamoto," I bark. "I need to talk to you."

He raises his eyebrows, but leads me back to his office. I close the door after him.

"Something's come up," I inform him as soon as he sits. I don't even bother to take a seat; simply sip my coffee and lean against the wall.

He nods, spinning a pen between his fingers. "What is it?" he inquires.

"You remember Tarou, obviously..."

"Yeah?" he replies, motioning for me to continue.

I gulp down more of my still-boiling coffee and grumble. "I have to go bail him out of jail or something—"

" _What?_ " Sakamoto yelps. "Why?!" His face displays shock—Last he'd heard, Tarou was doing well.

"It's my fault," I flippantly remark. "I asked him for a favor and it got it of hand."

"Ahh, dammit!" the chief moans. "Really?"

I nod, feeling guilty about the whole ordeal. "Yes, really," I reiterate. "I need to go to Tokyo tomorrow. Can I take a marked car in case anything funny happens?"

"Wait—"Sakamoto frowns. "What exactly...?"

I roll my eyes. "It's probably nothing—Likely my mother trying to make contact again," I agree, sighing. "I'd just like to remind everyone over there that we're all professionals, yeah?"

Sakamoto rips a piece of paper off of his stationary. "Fine. Here," he tells me, scribbling some kind of waiver.

"Thanks," I seriously reply, saluting him with my mug as I exit his office. "I'll try to keep things civil."

"You better—Or at least tell me what you got Tarou into!" Sakamoto calls as I exit his office.

I wave behind me, letting him know he isn't getting anything unless I'm in a bind.

I'm not dragging him into the TV World or my personal battles.

 **#**

I stomp through the door to my house and kick off my shoes, not bothering to line them up like usual. I glance into the other room at Tohru, laying on the floor with the back door open, playing some game. It looks peaceful...

 _Now I have to ruin it._

"Tohru." I sigh and shake my head. "We're going on a daytrip tomorrow." I walk to the couch and drop down heavily, rubbing my temples.

"Yeah?" he cautiously queries. I see him toss the white machine to the tatami and sit up, giving me his full attention.

"Mm-hmm."

Tohru cocks his head; lost. "Why? I thought I was supposed to..." His words trail off as he shoots me a quizzical look.

I drag a hand down by face. "I'm being _blackmailed_."

"O-oh," he nervously replies. "Am..." he tentatively begins. "Am I coming _back_?"

A jolt of pain zings across my vision and I snap. " _What did I tell you about being a jackass?!_ " I yell, smacking the arm of the couch.

"Y-yeah but... That sounds bad."

"It _is_ ," I muse. "For the record—I did say ' _day_ trip'. We'll be home tomorrow night. It'll be _fine_."

I watch him nod thoughtfully, considering my words. "Where are we going?"

"Tokyo," I answer. "I have an address but I doubt it's the final destination."

Tohru stares back blankly— _I don't think I actually told him about the papers._

"I—ah—was trying to get Teddie official documentation. Tatsumi-san asked me."

"Oh," Tohru frowns. "What went wrong?"

I shake my head. "Someone found out..." I pull the box of cigarettes from my pocket and Tohru throws me his lighter. "I've never told you about my family, have I?" I ask after my first inhalation.

Tohru shakes head, regarding me with a touch of curiosity. I sigh and lean foreword on my knees, watching as some of the neglected ash drops to the floor.

"I don't get along with most of them," I admit. "That's why I moved out here—If I did want to be a detective..." I pause to take another drag. "Well this is too far out of the way for any of them to bother with me."

I stub the cigarette, noticing Tohru's stuck the ashtray in front of me. I nod to him and continue. "My father was military, my sister works in foreign affairs, and my mother recently became the Chairman of Domestic at Naichou."

"So?" Tohru questions—Still the clueless idiot.

I groan. "Do you follow current events _at all_?" I quip. His face doesn't change. "She's Dojima Yuudai, moron."

He's still blank as he searches his memory, and then his face contorts into shock. "She was that head of police bitch involved in my sentencing!"

"Yeah," I snort. "You see?"

He doesn't reply—I watch as his expression cycles through anger and agitation.

" _We don't speak,_ " I tell Tohru.

"Why?" he asks, settling on irritation.

I lean back. "You never asked."

"Ooh no!" Tohru stubbornly spits. "I tried once—You blew me off."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, well... You don't talk about your past, either," I shoot back.

He frowns.

"My family was too busy to come to Chisato's funeral."

"O-oh," Tohru mumbles, looking like he feels bad now.

"Nnh," I sigh. "It was a wake up call. My mother and sister showed up the following weekend—my father isn't living—but it was awful." I pause, folding my hands so I don't keep fiddling with my watch. "You want to know what happened?"

Tohru nods, looking concerned. "What?"

"My mother brought a stack of folders. During lunch—with the three of us _and Nanako_ —she handed them to me and said I needed to hurry up and read through them—" I stop speaking and shake my head, still amazed at the audacity—The _disrespect_.

"What was it?" Tohru asks, scooting closer and putting his arm around me.

"A bunch of miai portfolios. I was too stunned to even reply—So she told me to get on it and come back to Tokyo. I had to 'start taking interviews before Nanako stopped being cute'—"

Tohru gasps. I have to stop to suck in a huge breath. To clear my throat—

 _I can feel the old enmity resurfacing._

"I told her to get the hell out. She told me not to be hard-headed—That there was no way I could raise a kid on my own." I laugh bitterly.

 _In some ways she was right..._

I shake my head to clear it. "We had a huge argument. My sister had to drag her back to Tokyo, and I told her never to come here again. That she couldn't see Nanako anymore."

I finally look up at Tohru. "So when your case broke nationwide—When she found out something had happened to Nanako—"

" _Oh—O-oh fuck..._ " Tohru moans. "It _is_ my fault!"

I poke him lightly. "Not the point—But it _did_ prove hers. That's why she inserted herself into all this. Why she got involved with your and Tarou's trials... She thought I'd be happy to see you two rot behind bars."

Tohru still looks as though he doesn't know whether he's supposed to be mad or guilty, so he's grimacing; his countenance twisted into a funny mixture of both. I sigh and grab his hand, clicking my tongue at the irony of the whole situation.

"So she wasn't happy when I signed on to help your case. Then Tarou got off completely and you're out now—And _here_." I scowl. "I suppose I did expect some sort of confrontation."

"Yeah?" Tohru asks.

I shake my head. "But not something so _showy_..." I grumble.

"Showy how?"

"Tarou's being held hostage," I exhale.

Tohru raises his eyebrows. "They can do that?"

"Who the hell knows," I wave him off. "But my policy is to _always_ call the bluff."

"That sounds risky."

I shrug. "Got a better idea?"

"No."

I stare him down. "Then we go with my plan."

"At least I get to leave the house," Tohru replies, looking hopeful.

"Oh—" I remember. "You're riding in the back of a squad car."

I can't help cracking up at the betrayed look that creeps onto his face. I smack his back, unable to stop laughing. "Only for the last leg," I addend.

"Bite me," Tohru gibes, shoving me away.

"Now who can't take a joke?"

* * *

End Note: I'm having some personal problems. I'm in the midst of a medication change and worried it's affecting my writing. I'm definitely slacking in terms of output, and I'm concerned about quality. I barely banged out today's chapter and have not even started on tomorrow's... I'm probably not going to be able to post as often until I get a handle on things. I'm committing to two more chapters this week—If I can cut the workload in half, it would be a big help. I'll make sure they're quality!

As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read my work, and I appreciate any feedback :)

Re-Edited 7/8/17


	49. Trustworthy (Kazoku)

Notes: I couldn't bang out more than around 600 words for this chapter. So I'm, doing what I'm terming a half-chapter for Kanji now, and then another half-or-whole chapter tomorrow. It's gonna be another Ryoutarou. Then a long Tohru chapter on Sunday. He gets the whole car ride! And there's lots of fighting and actually some resolving. More backstory fill-in, too. So please bear with me~

* * *

Chapter Four: Trustworthy

(Kanji)

 _It's the end of the workday and I don't think anyone else's gonna stop in. Almost time to close up—On the first easy day I've had in a long time._

The shop phone rings, and I pick it up, giving my spiel. Then I'm interrupted by my usual non-customer.

"Kanji?" Dojima asks, sounding super tired.

"'Sup, Ojisan?" I casually reply.

He exhales into the speaker. "Can you look out for Nanako tomorrow? I need to drive up to Tokyo. I know the boy always hangs around, but just to be sure. You know."

"Woah woah!" I call out. "Wait! I wanna come!"

"...Excuse me?" he asks, sounding aggravated. "Really? It's business—And Tohru's coming."

"Y-yeah!" I reply. _This could actually work out well for me._ "I got something to do up that way."

"Kid, you hate cities."

"No..."

Dojima sighs. "Whatever. Fine. I don't care."

"Yes!" I whoop. "Just lemme confirm my plans—"

"Tell me ASAP," Dojima says. "Have the two kids go to your place after school, then. Aright?"

"You got it!" I reply and he hangs up.

I shoot off texts to both Rise and Yuu. I bet they're not _both_ busy. Maybe I can have a little break. _It's only one day._

"Teddie?" I call, walking into the house. I know he's getting ready to leave for the school.

I catch him poking around in the kitchen. "Whaaaat?" the bear whines. "I can't find the popsicles..."

I frown. "They're not in the freezer? Why would they be in the cabinet?"

"Special edition!" he cries, jumping around and brandishing a box of yogurt ice pops. "I was saving them."

"You?" I laugh. "Saving food?"

Teddie nods. "Yeah! It's getting hot and tomorrow..." His face looks funny, like he's not sure which expression he's supposed to have on all of a sudden.

"What's tomorrow?" I question.

"Tohru's first day of work, right?" he asks me right back, smiling.

 _Ooh._

 _Aww... Kid's being nice. They did just fight, he's probably trying to make up for it but—_

 _Shoot. That got cancelled._

 _Now I gotta be the one to tell him._

"Uh, Ted," I try. "That's gonna be in two days. Adachi's got something to do tomorrow."

"He... He does?"

I nod. "Sorry. I might be going out of town for the day, too. Can you hang with Nanako? You guys can come back here and eat with Ma."

Teddie quickly nods, his light-colored hair flying all over. "I can do that!"

I chuckle. "Thanks! So put the Topsicles in the freezer and eat 'em in a few days, yeah?"

"Okay!" the boy replies, shoving the box in amongst the other crap. "I have to go. I'll eat dinner over there, so don't wait for me~"

"See you," I wave and watch him run off.

I start to straighten up the shop, ready to pack it in for the night. I'm lining up the stuffed animals someone knocked over when I notice one I didn't make—

"Waaah!" I reflexively shout, backing up.

"Hee hooo!" it crows.

I frown at the shadow. "What're you doin' here?" I demand.

"You should be careful, ho~" it tells me, floating up off the shelf. "Never know what you can find in the city!"

"You listening in, rat?" I ask it, folding my arms.

The little shadow nods. "Hee-hmm!" It flies towards me, grinning wickedly. "Never know what could follow you ho~home. Friend is not careful, but Brute is more cautious. Brute should pay attention~" The damn thing makes fun of me as it floats past my face.

"I ain't no brute!" I yell, whirling around. But it's already gone.

I hear a ding and check my phone. Looks a like I'll get to see both Rise and Yuu tomorrow.

 _I ain't worried._

* * *

Re-Edited 7/9/17


	50. Ikuzo (Kazoku)

Note: "Ikuzo" is a manspeak for "let's go". Regular-speak would be "ikimashou", which I'm betting you hear more often.

When I was uploading to FF yesterday I noticed this is my fiftieth chapter! I feel as though I should've prepared something more special... But life gets in the way, yeah? Pushing out these last two chapters to keep my word has been its own struggle. And tomorrow we'll get real content—Back to normal!

I don't expect to post Monday or Tuesday. So Sunday and then Wednesday. I'm shooting for three "real chapters a week", but as long as I get over 3,000 words posted, I might do more shorter chapters. I don't want to give up on this just because my body is giving up on me. I'M betting I have another good story up in there! Thanks for your support :)

In other news—We're still rewatching the anime. My husband commented that Doujima is a shit parent. I told him that I don't believe anyone's arguing.

* * *

Chapter Five: Ikuzo

(Ryoutarou)

No bones about it— _Today is going to suck._

It's going to be hot again, and we'll be going into a city. All the people and pollution are going to make the temperature even higher.

 _I'm glad I got fan._ I keep it aimed right at me because I keep waking up with Tohru clinging to me, both of us stuffed under the covers and baking. I pry myself free and roll over onto the floor. I can hear Tohru retreating back under the blanket, curling up into a little ball.

 _I haven't really slept, but it's five—A reasonable time to get up._

 _Insomnia's a bitch._

 _The only good sleep I've had lately was after we came back from that TV Land. They told me that was stress-induced or something. I'd hoped it was because I resolved some of my worries..._

I grope around behind my head for a pack of cigarettes and sit up. I grab Tohru's lighter and have my first smoke of the day. _It's too quiet—I've gotten too used to noise all the time between Tohru and the kids buzzing around._

After I few puffs, I figure he'll start yammering if I wake him up. So I peel back the covers and roll my eyes. Tohru's indeed all curled up in a naked, sweaty mess.

It's the middle of summer, but he _always_ needs to sleep with something over him. _As though he feels safer like that._

It's annoying that everything gets nasty with sweat— _I have to sleep here, too._

 _—But it's still better than sleeping alone._

 _And better than staying up all night with only the company of 'what-if's..._

 _"What if I'd noticed sooner?"_

 _"What if I'd been nicer at the beginning?"_

 _"What if I'd pushed harder for the answers?"_

I rub my temple and set my mind back on the tracks. _Deal with what's in front of you._

There's a smile coming as I realize I _am_ in an all-right place.

"Wake up," I exhale, shaking Tohru's moist shoulder. I move closer, crossing my legs. He doesn't usually get up the first time I tell him to.

I watch as Tohru blinks a few times and stretches out. "Hi," he quietly intones.

My smile grows as I let him take my hand. "Why don't you get out of bed and we can have an easy morning. But go take a shower."

Tohru's face scrunches up in a hurt look. "No."

Laughing, I pull on his hand. "Come on. You need to stop sleeping like that. You'll get yourself sick."

He groans and curls back up.

I sigh and pull him over to me, so he's lying in my lap. "At least leave your eyes open," I mutter. " _Pretend_ to be waking up."

Tohru snickers, now purposely keeping them closed. "Brat," I exhale, petting his head.

We sit like that for a few minutes in silence. _It's peaceful._

"That's enough," I finally admit, yanking him upright. He swats at the smoke and yanks the cigarette from me, stubbing it out.

"Nnr," he groans. Tohru leans back against me and pretends to keep sleeping.

I chuckle. "Cut it out!" I wrap my arms around him and shake my head.

"Mmn," he replies, grabbing on to my wrists.

"What?" I whisper. "You okay?"

Tohru nods, turning to look at me. Sleep still clouds his expression, but I can tell he's in a rare, purely affectionate mood.

While his different—but familiar in their Tohru-ness—eyes stare into my own, I swear my heart skips off its rhythm. Just completely jumps the tracks.

"W-what?" I stumble over my words. Tohru shrugs and kisses my cheek before turning back around and relaxing again.

"Why are you so…" I try, unable to finish the sentence.

 _Calm… At ease… Docile… Unhurried… Laid back…_

"It's going to be a long day, isn't it?" he eventually asks me, and the rest of the words fall away.

 _They aren't 'Tohru words' anyhow._

I nod.

"It's partly my fault, isn't it?" he adds in a mumbly voice.

I shake my head. "No. This one's on me."

"Really?" Tohru asks, starting to turn around again.

I bonk our heads together. "Yes, really," I tersely reply.

"Okay," he yawns and sits up straighter. "Then I feel better..."

I snort. "Yeah?" I query. "I told you before."

"Ehh," he sighs. "It's usually my fault. Thought it was a safe assumption."

"No," I reply and sigh. "Don't do that—It's not true."

"Heh," he sniffs. "Liar."

I shake my head. "Even if it were true, I don't care. We're on the other side of all that—We're fixing things now. This simply happens to be one of the loose ends that needs tying up."

Tohru takes a big breath; his shoulders rising and falling with the motion. "I should've taken care of my shadows at the beginning."

"Then what?" I query. "I'd say we're all happy to have Teddie around. It worked out for the better."

"I'm not good enough as me," he mutters. I roll my eyes.

"You're good as you, and he's not you," I snort. "Nanako's made that pretty clear."

Tohru doesn't say anything, so I jostle him. "I like you the way you are." When he continues to stay quiet, I decide against words.

Brushing one of his hands off my arm, I reach down to feel him. He shivers and I laugh softly. "You going to believe me?" I question, gripping him now.

Tohru doesn't speak, instead letting out some quiet noises—Just leaning forward into my touch.

I kiss his neck and he looses something more like what I'm used to hearing from him. Still quiet, but more intense.

He grabs onto my bare legs, digging in his nails while I gently run my hand down his chest. It makes him shudder—And then he's practically jumping off me, so I go back to holding him still.

And that's that—The next thing I know, he's dropping back down against me again. I absently wipe my hand on the futon and he grumbles.

"This needs washed," I sarcastically reply. "And so do you—Get going." I can't help smirking.

"Alone?" Tohru huffs, sliding away from me to reach into my boxers.

I feel myself flush. He looks at me with that serious, sharp expression the whole time, leaning in to kiss me when it's too much and I flick my gaze away.

Tohru snickers, overdramatically wiping his hand all over my chest. He jumps up and pulls on his shorts, giving me a smug look. "Oh," is all he says. "Guess you'll be coming with me~"

 **#**

"What should we eat?" I ask Tohru and Nanako, opening the fridge.

I can feel them glancing at each other without turning around.

"Th-there's rice?" Tohru says—The words sounding more like a question.

I sigh and stand up. _I have time._

I pick up a package of raw mackerel. "We may not be back for dinner," I muse aloud. "Might as well..."

I take it over to the stove and hear them fidgeting. I turn around and glare. " _What?_ "

"You're gonna cook?" Nanako questions.

I groan and throw the package of fish on the counter.

"On a weekday?" Tohru finishes.

I fold my arms. "Done?" I demand.

Tohru shrugs and looks at Nanako. She returns the gesture and pulls a notepad from her bag. When she starts to explain some math problem, I tune them out and start to prepare the food.

Carrying the plate of grilled mackerel to the table, I can see the paper is covered with a series of complex symbols and numbers. "Did you not finish your homework?" I ask my daughter.

She shakes her head. "We were looking ahead," she tells me. "Tohru-jisan was explaining the basics of calculus."

"I'm decent at math," Tohru reveals. I raise my eyebrows, surprised. "What?" he scoffs. "I'm good at things—"

I roll my eyes and take a seat. "I wasn't challenging that."

"We'll continue tonight," Nanako tells Tohru. She shuffles the notebook and pencil into her bag and starts eating.

 _She doesn't know where we're going, but she can tell we're on edge._

After we eat, Nanako starts for the door. "I'll let you know when we're on our way back," I call to her. "We'll pick you up at the Tatsumis'. I'll be dropping Kanji off there, anyway."

"Mm-hmm," she replies. "I'm off!"

"Have a good day," I say, dumping the dishes into the sink. I pour myself another cup of coffee and drain it while I work. "We're going as soon as these are done."

Tohru sighs. "I'm ready when you are..."

I hear a _thump_ and turn to see he's placed a small backpack on the table, and now walking to the closet. He takes out a hooded sweatshirt and puts it on.

"That ruins the rest of the outfit," I sigh. He's wearing a collard shirt and actual pants. _That addition makes it look a lot more casual._ "Aren't you going to be hot?"

Tohru shakes his head and sits back at the table. "This is good."

"I did get one for _you_ ," I try. He treats me to a blank stare. "Fine. Let's go," I acquiesce and walk into the garage. "At least wear the hood through town."

"Yessir!" he enthusiastically replies. I stop short and Tohru bumps into my back, making a startled noise.

I turn around poke him. "Keep that up and you can ride in the trunk."

He swats my hand away and jumps in the front seat. "Here is good~"

* * *

Re-Edited 7/9/17


	51. Resolve (Kazoku)

Notes: Details... If you're wondering Tohru left the tracker at home. It's not explicitly stated, but seems like it'd be important to keep track of. As author, that's my job, right?

I also cut a scene where Tohru gets new shoes because I ended up with overlap between yesterday's and today's chapters. But I think I make mention of it somewhere that they're new... That's the deal there. I have a whole document of cut scenes. It makes me sad.

Narita is a city northwest of Tokyo. It's a part of Chiba. I chose it because there's a huge international airport there and it's supposed to be big in politics and commercialism. It seems like a decent location for someplace important, but also removed from Tokyo.

* * *

Chapter Six: Resolve

(Tohru)

 _I'm walking into this blind._

 _I don't know what to expect from any of these people—Except the probable hostility from both Namatame and Dojima. Neither one is bound to think highly of me._

And now Kanji's coming. We're apparently dropping him at a station between Tokyo and Narita. _Great..._

 _Ryoutarou says he'd feel better having the meathead along. I wouldn't—_

 _Well I don't know. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into._

Sitting in the car, I pull the sweatshirt's hood over my face and yawn. I kick my feet up on the dashboard. _It's nice to be back in a car. I used to drive Ryoutarou's a lot when he wa—_

I huff. It's not that I particularly _enjoy_ driving.

I'm pulled from my thoughts at Ryoutarou's latest quip. " _Very_ inconspicuous..." He's staring at me with that _look_ , his eyes dancing like I'm making a joke.

"Ha ha, shut up," I snort.

He laughs and pulls out of the garage. "You're going to get hot," he teases.

"Nah," I reply. "I'm fine. I'll just sleep anyhow."

"You mean you're not going to harass Kanji the whole time?" Ryoutarou gibes.

"Well, if you'd rather," I joke, smacking his arm.

When we arrive at the station lot, the buffoon is already standing around near the patrol cars. _Looks like he's gonna wire one..._

 _Wonder if he knows how angry he always looks, even though he usually isn't._

"Stay in the car until I bring the other one around," Ryoutarou instructs and I bob my head, knowing if I get out Kanji's liable to start something. _The punk's always gotta act like a good kid around Ryoutarou—Like he's better than me._

I narrow my eyes at him through the window, letting the hood fall back enough so he can see. I watch him shake his head disgustedly and follow Ryoutarou into the station.

 _Whatever._

 _We've got all day, Kanji. You just had to come along~_

I text Kubo—The only one who could possibly understand the absurdity of all this.

The two return shortly, with Ryoutarou driving the police car. At least it's got a sliding divider and not bars. _This whole scenario is bizarre, but that's been par lately._

I exit one car and slide into the front seat of the other. I turn around to give Kanji my best shit-eating grin. The glower he shoots back tells me he doesn't appreciate the irony here— _Him in the back of the cop car when I'm the technical criminal._

"Turn around, Tohru," Ryoutarou orders, sighing.

"Just lemme figure out how to—" I grumble, playing with the bulletproof glass window.

He knocks my hands away without even looking in my direction. "Cut it out. Don't gloat. Or you'll spend the whole ride back there."

I grumble and sink down in the front seat. I start to untie my shoes, and now Ryoutarou does look over at me. He rolls his eyes.

"It's gonna be such a long ride," I tell him, curling up on the big seat. I kick off the new shoes and stretch the sweatshirt over my knees, listening to the soundtrack of my life now—Ryoutarou making noises that manage to sound both aggravated and amused.

"Are you going to do that to all my sweatshirts?" he complains.

I hear Kanji lean foreword, probably feeling left out. _Good._

" _Yes,_ " I yawn, pulling the hood down over my eyes to sleep.

"Hey!" Kanji yells. "You get to sit up front but you're just gonna sleep? _Nuh-uh!_ "

I start to worry he's going to try to smack me, but instead I hear Ryoutarou going for his cigarettes. I hold out the lighter and Kanji is quiet.

"He's awake," Ryoutarou laughs.

"I can hear you two fine," I grumble. Someone pets my head. "If that's Kanji there's going to be another murder."

Kanji snorts. "Like hell I'd get anywhere near you," he retorts.

After that, we're all quiet for a time. I think I fall asleep, because the next thing I know, the car isn't moving.

I poke my head out of the sweatshirt and see the guys are gone. We're at some sort of rest stop on the side of the road. There are other parked cars and I can see trails leading off into the woods.

 _I could pee..._

 _But should I wait to find out where they went?_

I dial Ryoutarou, but he doesn't pick up. I click my phone off and sigh. I dig in my bag in the floor and pull out a package of chocolate squares.

 _Where the fuck are we? How long have I been asleep for?_

I let the candy melt in my mouth as I consider my options.

The doors aren't locked, but the keys are gone. _Though what kind of an idiot would break into a marked cop car?_

I laugh to myself and decide to just call Kanji. While it's ringing I see him appear at one of the trailheads, so I hang up.

I step out of the car and stretch. "Is there a bathroom?" I call to him.

Kanji points down the trail he came from. "There's a bank of urinals like five minutes that way." He shakes his head. "Man, I thought we lived in the middle of nowhere. Guess I need to get out more."

"How many times _have_ you left Inaba?" I question.

"Uhh," the idiot stalls. "Only a few... Thought this might be a good opportunity. Rise and Yuu said I could hang out with them. I-I never cared about going anywhere else."

I roll my eyes. "Because Inaba's _so_ amazing, right?

"Argh!" Kanji groans. "You wouldn't get it! I was born there, my parents are from there, and I got my own business to take over. Why would I wanna move away when I have everything all set up and I like most've the people?"

I shrug. "The city's no picnic, I guess."

Kanji stares at me, trying to figure out if I'm making fun of him. _I'm not._

I spread my arms in a 'what' gesture, and he gets back in the car. I start down the dirt path. I don't walk long before I spot Ryoutarou leaning against a tree, smoking. He's spacing out and doesn't seem to notice me until I'm right next to him.

"Hey," he softly greets me, looking up and smiling wanly when I approach. "Just stretching my legs."

"Uh-huh. I was looking for the toilet. But I can just pee in the woods. This seems like a pain in the ass."

Ryoutarou chuckles.

"Not funny! A five minute walk for Kanji has to be at least ten for a normal person..."

"It's not far," he says, gesturing further down the path. "You're about halfway."

I shake my head and walk into the brush to relieve myself. "Pass!" I yell behind me.

"That's illegal!" Ryoutarou shouts back.

When I emerge back on the path, I give him a smug look. "So is taking me on this little jaunt, I'm guessing."

He rolls his eyes and puts the cigarette out. "A lot of what we've been doing is probably illegal."

"One more crime isn't going to make a difference," I retort. Ryoutarou goes to poke me but I sidestep, making a show of wiping my hand on his shirt.

"Gross." He grabs my wrist and starts to pull me back towards the car. "That better be all for show..."

"Sure~" I reply, my voice dripping insincerity.

He grunts but releases my arm, so I grab his hand. We don't talk until we make it back to the parking lot.

"How much further?" I question.

He cocks his head, counting. "Maybe an hour till we drop Kanji, then another hour to the address."

I nod and climb back into the car. On the highway, the woods start to melt away to suburbs and shops.

"Can we eat out?" I ask Ryoutarou.

Kanji snickers. "That's what you want out of all this?"

"I can't just show up in town," I shoot back. "Out here nobody will know me."

 _I want to go to a restaurant. It's a weird thing to miss when I mostly got takeout, but it'd be fun._

"When we get closer," Ryoutarou tells me. "You're okay for now, right?"

"Yeah," I sigh. Then I turn around and stare at Kanji until he looks at me.

"What?"

"If you go to a Mister Donut, bring me some."

"Uhh what?" Kanji repeats, sounding confused.

Ryoutarou outright guffaws. "All you want is Mister Donut?" he questions, mocking me.

" _Pon de Ring~~_ "

 _—I think I'm going to start drooling._

"We have doughnuts at the bakery," Kanji tells me like I'm an idiot.

I growl at him through the window to the backseat. "They're not the same! Pon de Ring is so light and fluffy!" I rock back and forth, putting on a show.

Kanji rolls his eyes. "I don't even know if I'll see a Mister Donut."

" _Try._ "

"I never knew you felt so seriously about doughnuts," Ryoutarou mocks— _Still sounding too sarcastic for my tastes._ I catch him glancing in my direction and theatrically glare back.

His smile falls away and then I feel shitty. "We can visit Tokyo sometime," he defensively tells me. "Or just go to Okina if you're looking for doughnuts. These—" He pauses to shake his head. "These aren't things I know about you..."

I sit facing foreword again, watching for Ryoutarou's reaction. "I used to eat there a lot when I was younger."

"You eat a lot," Kanji comments. "How come you're not bigger?"

"We can't all have gigantism," I riposte. "Or Marfan's."

Kanji yells back, missing the point as usual. "I ain't a Martian, dumbass!"

Ryoutarou groans. "Both of you shut up."

We do, but I don't like it like this.

 _It's too quiet..._

"When did you move to Inaba?" I finally ask Ryoutarou.

"After I graduated."

I hear Kanji leaning foreword. "Why did _you_ move to Inaba?"

I pretend he isn't asking me. But Ryoutarou's silent, so Kanji pokes my back, asking again.

"I love being bored," I hiss, whipping around. Kanji yanks his hand away and I sink down in the seat.

"Fuck you," the brat mutters.

I notice Ryoutarou shooting looks at me again. "I can see you!" I loudly tell him, annoyed.

He sighs. "You should just tell me. I'll probably find out on my own if you don't."

"Go for it," I snort. "If you really cared, you could've looked it up a long time ago."

"I hoped _you'd_ tell me."

" _I_ hoped you'd let it go."

Kanji's head jerks back and forth as he watches us argue. _He looks like a kid caught between adults with guns._

I can't help sniggering at his concern. _It's not like we're really going at it. This is way below blowout threshold._

 _But I might as well give him a show~_

"If you want I can list the things _you_ never told _me_."

Ryoutarou grumbles something.

"So are we going to drop it?" I needle. "Or are you ready to tell me about the months between the hospital and when you first visited me?"

You could hear a pin drop.

"Okay. Glad we're all in agreement~" I conclude.

I am three-hundred percent _not_ prepared when Ryoutarou speaks again—

"You heard my shadow. I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to keep going. So I tried to jump out the window. What other questions do you have?"

 _Wasn't expecting that._

I notice Kanji attempting to close the divider now and jam my hand in the way, smirking unhappily. "Really? So you thought you'd just give up?"

"What was I _supposed_ to do?" Ryoutarou tiredly counters.

"I left so you could move on," I carefully reply. "I thought that was best."

He laughs in a few short, bitter bursts, shaking his head. "Right. Because _that's_ something you just 'move on' from! I was supposed to get over it and be totally fine, yeah? Just heal up and walk away from everything, you know?" His voice is rising—sounding angrier—and Kanji's jamming my fingers in the glass door, trying to get me to move.

Ryoutarou pinches the bridge of his nose and then thumps the dashboard. " _I wasn't recovering from that!_ " he finally chokes out. He's gripping the wheel hard, and he's got that set in his jaw.

I sigh. "You shoulda just forgot about me! That's why I did it— _Fucking_ — _Kanji if you do that one more time I will break your goddamn arm!_ "

Kanji huffs and leans back in his seat. "I don't need to be in the middle of this, dammit!"

I reach through the tiny window to grab him by the shirt but the jackass slides out of reach. "C'mere—" I sneer, unable to catch him through the tiny window. Then I feel Ryoutarou pulling at me to get me back to sitting in the seat.

"Tohru siddown goddammit!" Ryoutarou roars, and I listen, folding my arms. "I wanted to call it quits. I already _told you_ I didn't want to keep going—Couldn't do it again. So eventually I went back to you, alright?! That's it—End of story." He turns away from the road to give me a heartbreaking look. " _Your turn!_ "

And I say it so plainly...

"I shot somebody."

No one speaks.

For a while.

I watch the houses pass by out the window while the other two process that.

It's Ryoutarou who finally asks. "Shot someone in what capacity?"

"I was chasing a suspect. It was someone I knew. He reached like he was going for a gun, so I shot him. He died. I got sent away."

"Who was he?" Kanji questions.

I shake my head. "No. I told you what you wanted to hear. That's the end of _this_ story."

Ryoutarou nods uncertainly, keeping his eyes straight ahead. When he's done thinking about it, he reaches over for my hand.

"I'm fine," I grumble, but give it to him.

"Sure," he quips, running his thumb over my fingers.

I glare. "Cut it out."

"No."

I hear a click—While I wasn't paying attention, the bastard in the backseat finally slammed the divider shut.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ryoutarou queries.

"I didn't want to talk about it," I sullenly reply.

He sighs. "Remember what I said about getting it all out?"

"You first," I retort. "You tell me the other parts I'm missing."

"Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Start with that mess in the back. Why are you and the punk so close?"

Ryoutarou snorts. "Cause he's _nice_. He was always great with Nanako, and then we got to talking. I—" He sighs and squeezes my hand. "I was lonely. _Really_ lonely. He's easy to talk to, so I let it pour out; a little at a time. Kanji wasn't trying to figure me out or judge me, he would just listen or play with Nanako."

Ryoutarou shrugs, his eyes flicking around like he's embarrassed. "He's easy to talk to—A-and he never cared about who you are to me."

He squeezes my hand again, getting my attention. "Now you tell me something."

"I tried to run away. That's when the cigarette burns started."

Ryoutarou waits to see if I'll keep talking. _I'm glad he's trying to be patient, but I know it won't last._

So I lean over and dig out his pack of cigarettes. He chuckles, watching me out of the corner of his eye as I pull one from the box and light it with only my left hand. I actually take a puff myself, waiting to see what he'll do.

I cough a few times, sounding like I'm hacking up a lung.

After a few more drags, Ryoutarou drops my hand to take the cigarette from me. "You don't smoke, moron. You'll get sick." He places it between his own lips and audibly inhales. "I need these," he says around the paper stick.

Ryoutarou peers over at me, seeing if I'm still paying attention. He gropes for my hand again. "I started smoking so I had something to concentrate on when I didn't know what to do. Then it became a habit, like most of my other habits..." He trails off, but I can easily complete the sentence...

Like _overworking himself_.

Like _drinking_.

Like _me_.

I don't say any of those truths, but they hang in the air between us all the same. _This feels like a good time to finally ask—_

"Why me?" I quietly question. "Why did you pick _me_?"

Ryoutarou huffs. "You didn't want a lot from me—After you started trying to get me to cut down on the drinking, I realized you probably cared about me. You always..." He tries to take his hand back to ash the cigarette, but I won't let go.

" _Oi,_ " Ryoutarou sharply scolds. "It's going to fall on me—"

I grumble halfheartedly and take it away. I tap it out the window on my side. He snorts, aggravated I'm not giving him his hand back.

"Here," I grunt, holding the cigarette back out. He rolls his eyes but accepts it.

"Do you remember what you said—That first time you dragged me out of the office drunk?"

I shake my head slowly, trying to remember which thing he's talking about—

Ryoutarou looks at me and smiles a little. "You told me it was 'sad', outright like that. No one was so honest with me."

"You were someone who's expectations I could meet. You didn't want much—All you seemed to care about was being around me, and I liked it. _Hey_ —You acted like you didn't notice, but—" he turns his head to look at me again. " _No one_ wanted to be around me _just to be around me_ after Chisato died. I was miserable and I didn't want to get better."

He groans. "I know I ended up being pushy and you didn't like that, but—" He motions for me to let go or take the cigarette again. I stub the end of it out and he glares. "That wasn't finished—"

He's quiet for a minute before he continues his last train of thought. "Well... You didn't put pressure on me about 'normal relationship' type things, and that's what made me want them. Then I was aggravated that you didn't want them, even though I know now. Now I know _why_ you didn't want them."

Ryoutarou lets out an angry laugh. _Asshole._

I didn't want those things because I _couldn't_ have them. _Not when I was already in that deep with everything else._

"It's your turn again," he orders.

 _I'm in no rush._

I stare down at our hands for a while, studying the different the lines on his. "W-what?" he barks, uncomfortable.

"Nothing," I grunt. "Just looking."

"Nn."

I flip his hand over and keep tracing the different paths with my finger, like it's the first time I've noticed them.

"Cut it out," Ryoutarou finally orders, his voice tense.

"What—Makes you feel too _exposed_ ~" I jeer, feeling more self-assured.

He sighs.

"That's how I feel talking about a lot of this. So deal with it," I demand.

We're quiet for another stretch, while I continue to play with his hand. Ryoutarou grumbles, making a show of his agitation. I laugh.

"This is the least of your problems~" I banter. "Aren't we walking into some kind of trap?"

"Yes."

"So... Traps." I lean back and sigh. I try to stealthily peek into the backseat—To make sure Kanji isn't paying us any attention.

Satisfied that he's watching a video on his phone, I relent and open up a little. "I was in a shitty situation. I was too young to know what was going on, at first. I just knew it was no good, and that my sister was right to get us out of there."

"When she died, I had to go back. I was—I was young," I confide, feeling wary about revealing all of this. "I tried to run away a few more times, and that happened." I gesture behind me, knowing he gets the picture.

"I worked my ass off to graduate early and put myself through academy. The _rest_ is for another time."

 _That's enough to reveal for one day._

I'm still absently playing with his hand and only remember when Ryoutarou yanks it back to put his arm around me. I groan.

"Stop it—" I complain again, jerking away.

Ryoutarou sighs, trying to pull me to him. "What else am I supposed to do?" he argues.

"Just listen, dumbass," I mutter. "You wanted to know. And I don't want to discuss it."

He tries to grab me again after I'm done speaking. "I don't like being _handled_ —" I hiss.

Ryoutarou backs off and peers at me, confused. "You usually—"

"Sometimes I don't."

"Alright."

 _The fucking silence again._

 _And this time it's my fault._

I watch as the suburbs give way to strip malls and apartment buildings. "How much longer?" I finally question.

Ryoutarou glances at me again. "We're dropping Kanji soon."

"Okay."

He mumbles something and I'm sick of having to ask him to frigging speak up when he clearly wants to say something. _If I keep quiet he'll repeat himself._

"I can tell you one more."

I snort. "We still won't be even," I warn Ryoutarou. "I gave you something Aizawa will _never_ be able to pry out of my cold, dead corpse."

He shakes his head—

He's bouncing his leg—

 _Antsy._

"That's not the point of this, is it?"

"...No."

"Mnn," he grunts. After a load of fidgeting, I give in and reach over to and poke his hand until he softens and returns it. "I _was_ really afraid to tell Sakamoto."

I nod—Don't know how I should answer.

 _It shouldn't be that hard. What year is it?_

 _Or is it because I'm a killer?_

 _Both?_

"You know how people are," Ryoutarou replies, as if reading my mind. "They all saw me one way."

 _Well that's the point of shadows, I suppose. I can understand that a little._

"I did it. And I'm going to do it more often. But it isn't easy for me." I watch him narrow his eyes and reach for another cigarette. I let go of his hand to fish out my lighter. I hold it out, lit, waiting.

"It's stupid to compare how difficult different things are to different people. We can't fully comprehend the challenges the other has faced, or the intimidation of what lies ahead." Ryoutarou stops to smoke for a minute and gather his thoughts.

"But we can try to explain. In a way that can be understood—So that—" he cuts himself off and groans, scratching his neck.

"Okay. _Just_ —" He sighs and I wait as he tries again. "So you need to tell me if I'm doing something to set off one of—One of those episodes you have. Alright?"

Ryoutarou's eyes shift to me again as he takes another few drags and ashes the cigarette out the window. "I'd like to avoid upsetting you," he evenly states. Then as if I need clarification, he tacks on this last part. _Just so he's sure I know he means my panic attack._ "Like the other day."

"I know that's what you meant," I tell him. _I don't want to address it again._ I roll my eyes and scrunch myself up under the sweatshirt.

Ryoutarou jerks his head towards the backseat. "Tell Kanji he's getting out in a minute."

I sit up and smack the window until I can hear Kanji trying to open it. _He can't._

 _That's how a cop car works._

I laugh and it feels good. Ryoutarou shakes his head at me and reaches around to snap the latch up.

"What?" Kanji asks us.

"This is your stop," Ryoutarou tells him. "We'll call you when we're on our way back. We can always meet at a different station if we need to." He nods to the boy. "Have fun."

Kanji exits the car and stretches, then raps his fist on the driver's side. "Good friggin luck, Ojisan. With Crazy and Manipulative—You can pick who's who."

Ryoutarou cracks up and shakes his head, lightly punching Kanji. It makes me feel annoyed.

When Kanji finally walks away, Ryoutarou turns to me. "Are you going to sit in the back like I asked?"

"No," I snort. "You gonna try and make me?"

He rolls his eyes and pulls away from the small station, obviously deciding to listen. "We've got another hour... Do you need anything?"

I feel a smile curling onto my face. "I could eat."

"Keep an eye out for something that looks quick."

"Like Western food?" I hopefully question.

Ryoutarou nods. "Sure."

"I can pick any?"

"Somewhere near parking would be a plus."

I frown. "What's the point of taking this car if we can't make our own space?"

"You're really..." Ryoutarou shakes his head.

"An _opportunist_ ," I easily supply.

* * *

Re-Edited 7/9/17


	52. The World from Your Perspective (Kazoku)

NOTES: The title is a quote from the Golden Animation! From when Adachi and Yuu see what the other felt. I thought it went well~

FORMATTING: I originally used strikethroughs, but alas! FFnet doesn't allow those... So I used double parentheses to show which parts were crossed out. ((They look like this.)) I also couldn't put in the blockquote formatting, so I'm worried it's hard to visually organize. Sorry!

I scooped out bits of what I had made up for the notebook before. Then I added more and formatting. I've never written with strikethrough formatting. I thought it would be a fun change of pace. I hope I did an okay job of Adachi's writing voice. Nervous about it, but also excited I tried something new!

I'm doing three chapters this week again. And I plan to re-edit this weekend. I went back to check a few things and noticed a load of errors. Gomen!

* * *

Chapter Seven: "The World from Your Perspective"

(Nanako)

"You'll both be gone all day tomorrow?" I ask my dad.

"Yes," he nods. "We have some things to take care of in the city—Kanji's coming, too. Will you be alright with just Teddie? I can ask their mom to feed you..."

I roll my eyes. " _Really?_ " I quip. "I made dinner _tonight_. I don't think it'll be a problem."

"Nnn," he sighs. "I don't know what time we'll be able to get back. Go spend the evening there."

"I will," I tightly reply. "I can take care of myself." Dad nods slowly, taking that in. When it doesn't look as though he has anything to add, I decide to head upstairs for the night.

 _I think I'll take a look at the notebook tomorrow..._

 **#**

When I'm out of school, Teddie is waiting under the tree, grinning. He excitedly waves me over and holds up a paper bag.

"What is it?" I ask, curious. I try to peek inside and he tilts it towards me. _Loads of veggies and package of meat._

"Let's do a hotpot with Kaasan!" he squeals.

I laugh. "Sounds like fun," I agree. "Do you know how to make the tsuyu? What kind of broth do you want to do?"

"Teach me~" Teddie begs, beaming. "I wanna learn how to cook. You know," he leans in close and flicks his around guardedly. "All I can make is tea..."

"You have to start somewhere!" I grin back and we head to his house.

"We're home Kaasan~" Teddie calls, stepping in through the store entrance. The bell jingles as he bounds over to where Tatsumi-sama is sitting on a floor cushion.

"Welcome back, kids," she smiles at us. "What'd you get, dear?" Tatsumi-sama nods at the bag Teddie is clutching.

He squishes it closer to himself. " _We're_ making it—Just give us time." At that, my friend high-tails it into the house, dragging me by the hand.

"I need to get some homework done," I tell him, not entirely telling the truth. I do have work to do, but I've also been itching to dig into the notebook. With both Tohru and Kanji gone, it'd be a good opportunity to take a peek without worrying about them breathing down my neck.

I did say I'd wait a while. _I said that I didn't feel the need to look right away..._

 _But lately things have been so..._

 _I think it's time._

I chew on my lip. Teddie is buzzing around the kitchen, putting the meat and some of the vegetables in the fridge.

"Do—Would you like some tea, Nana-chan?" he asks me.

"Sure," I easily reply. "That would be great while I work!"

While Teddie selects the leaves and boils water, I slide the notebook out of my bag. I flip back and forth between the two sections, debating whether I should look at Kanji's or Tohru's first.

"What is it?" Teddie asks from behind me.

I glance at him and see he's looking right over my shoulder. _I might as well tell him._

"I asked Kanji and Tohru-jisan to tell me what happened before."

"Before when?" Teddie cluelessly questions.

A smile creeps onto my face. "Before, as in a few years ago—When this notebook is from," I fill him in, turning the notebook over so he can see the cute cover.

Teddie leans over me and sticks his face right up to the book. "It smells like Tohru," he informs me.

"He gave it to me," I giggle. "He apparently had it all this time."

"Why now?" Teddie wonders aloud. He rests his hand on my shoulder and taps me questioningly.

I shrug. "Because we're getting along, I think."

Teddie nods anxiously. "You are, right?"

"Yes," I assure him. "We are. I like having him around again. Things are more fun; like they used to be."

"It wasn't fun when he was gone?"

 _Ooh—_

 _I don't know how to respond. I can't tell if it bothers him._

"It was always fun," I tell Teddie. I look up at his face that's still studying the notebook. "It was just..." I shake my head. "I got so used to having Tohru-jisan around, and Dad was miserable while he was away. Home wasn't as much fun with just the two of us."

He nods again.

"Teddie," I start, bracing myself to be more blunt than I'm usually comfortable. "Do you not want me to have missed him?"

My friend leans back, away from me. His face scrunches up while he considers my question. "I have a feeling I can't describe," he reveals. "I want you to be happy he's here because I'm happy he's here and you love him and he cares about you, but it makes me feel weird because—"

Teddie shakes his head and swipes at his eyes. He's hopping from foot to foot, looking antsy and confused. I give him a questioning look. He seems surprised that he's tearing up.

I hold my arms out behind me, smiling warmly. _A hug always cheers him up. I love it's that easy._

He rushes over to hug me back, grinning instantly.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," I gently tell Teddie. "I know it's complicated, and you know my whole family's complicated." He laughs. "I—"

I take a deep breath. "Teddie, I'll always miss you the most."

"I love you, Nana," he easily replies.

"I love you, too," I smile. Then I take my arms back to hold up the notebook. "So which do you think I should read first?"

Teddie tries to pry the pages apart without removing the staples. He chuffs, aggravated he can't see through.

"You want me to look at Tohru-jisan's, huh?" I ask.

He tentatively nods.

"Alright," I hesitantly agree. "But you shouldn't look because I promised it would only be me."

"Okay," Teddie says, drooping a little. "Will you _please_ tell me if there's anything about me?"

"Of course. We don't have secrets, right?"

Teddie eagerly nods again.

I crack the seal on Tohru's portion and start to read...

Bits stick out to me as I skim the entries. They're written in pieces, with lots crossed out and some words traced over a second or third time.

First he talks about his shadow:

 _"That Marie told you_ _ **he**_ _came back, didn't she?"_

 _"Is this how it's always going to be? I have to have him_ _ **haunting me**_ _and telling me all the wrong things?"_

A lot of it is ranty. He keeps asking me why I want to know.

 _"If you want to know what happened so_ _ **badly**_ _, why haven't you just_ _ **looked it up**_ _online? You can't tell me you haven't thought of that._

 _Did you want it from_ _ **us**_ _? Does it have to be firsthand?_

 _What do you want to know?"_

Some of it's chilling in its honesty—

 _"I definitely knew the second time. I_ _ **knew**_ _she would die."_

" _ **I hate people who have it easy.**_ _People who_ _ **don't**_ _have to work for their happiness. It just lands in their laps."_

" _I despise talent._ _ **I have none.**_ _Why doesn't everyone have to work at being good?"_

There are a bunch of pages about Dad.

 _"I started it. He_ _ **let**_ _me._

 _He took ((_ _all my weirdness))_ _all my_ _ **crazy**_ _._

 _The longer it went on the worse I got."_

 _"I didn't have any hope until he came to see me. Even before he came, I knew he was trying to help me._

 _If it wasn't him, I would_ _ **never**_ _have gotten my own cell. ((_ _You_ _ **have no idea**_ _what it's like for cops in pris))_

 _He must've told Sakamoto to put word through. No one else would've done that for me._

 _I was a jerk. I tried to push him away. ((_ _I didn't want to be in your li))_ _I didn't_ _ **deserve**_ _to be in your lives anymore. You didn't deserve to be stuck with me._

 _I didn't add anything good._

 _But he was persistent. He kept coming and coming until I'd talk to him. He kept telling me he_ _ **was going to get me out of there**_ _._

 _And he did. And now I'm here._ _ **And I like it.**_

 _My shadow said you and he are my_ _ **weaknesses**_ _. You are._

 _ **You're the only people I'd think to put before myself.**_

 _(( **I don't like it.** ))_ _"_

And me...

 _"I did it._ _ **I sent the letters.**_

 _I put them in the mailbox myself._

 _One morning when I went out on a konbini run._

 _The second was more difficult. I had to do it during lunch._

 _I_ _ **thought**_ _I could handle it myself._

 _It was idiotic._

 _((I couldn))_

 _((I didn't even get there until after the cra))_

 _((Fucking Nam))_

 _There were too many pieces to possibly pick up._

 _I tried_ _ **I TRIED**_

 _I went every day. I visited both of you_

 _I tried_

 _I couldn't do i_

 _I snapped when he asked me to move in after I did all that and_ _ **he didn't even know**_ _._

 _They figured it out, and chased me into the TV World._

 _It was_ _ **over**_ _._

 _I couldn't even kill myself. I ended up promising I wouldn't._

 _I woke up in the hospital._

 _((They said I was being treated well as a courtesy t))_

 _ **I couldn't take it.**_

 _I had them move me as soon as possible."_

It ends with a sort-of question. Then a plea.

 _"He has long-term plans for us._

 _((I'm going to be around for a while as long as I don't screw up too badl))_

 _((I want th))_

 _((Is that what yo))_

 _((What should I do))_

 _((What do you wan))_

 _ **Is this really okay?**_ _"_


	53. The Switch (Kazoku)

NOTES: Adachi's using Yuudai's first name in his head so we're not confusing. I haven't decided what I'll do for Kanji's chapter. He can't just call them both Doujima. Hurrrr... Maybe he'll permanently switch over to Ojisan, even in his head. That'd make my life easier. I feel like Kanji wouldn't call Ryoutarou by his first name; dunno why but I get that vibe. He's pretty respectful when he's not feeling threatened.

I'm designing Yuudai as though she comes from "the Naoto school of manliness" but is even more manly, haha! I tried to have her use aggressive, prodding speech and act like she's always in control f the situation. I don't know how well it all comes through in the first chapter she's in, but we'll see.

Did you know that they have hot canned coffee in Japan? It's the WORST PRODUCT DESIGN EVER. HOT METAL. I almost burned my hand the first time because I didn't realize. One time a vending machine was screwed up and I got a molten bottle of juice. I thought it was gonna melt in my hand...

* * *

Chapter Eight: The Switch

(Tohru)

We end up at a diner between the outskirts of Tokyo and Narita. It's a small, quiet place—Probably only empty because it's a little after lunchtime.

And they _do_ have Western food!

I fidget, moving around the silverware and folding the menu. Ryoutarou gives me a look and I flatten the beyond-bent mess on the table.

"Going to remember how to use a fork?" he gibes.

"Bet _you_ can't," I retort. "You don't even own a fork, do you?"

He squints, like he's thinking. "I do now," he triumphantly smirks. "I have _yours_."

"Cheater," I huff, folding my arms.

Someone comes by to take our order and I get spaghetti napolitan. He orders hamburg steak.

I finally remember to check my phone—Kubo texted me back some time ago. Felt it buzz.

 _"sounds like youre getting burned"_

 _Well that's obviously not true—_

I glance up at Ryoutarou. He's just leaning on his hand and staring out the window, bored.

 _He said I'm coming home. He wouldn't lie after all that..._

I must be glaring because Ryoutarou furrows his brow and asks me "what the hell".

I sigh. "You know what this looks like."

He picks his head up and glances anxiously around the room. "What _what_ looks like?" he inquires. "We look too..."

" _No_ —Idiot—" I groan. "This whole trip looks like you're trading me off."

" _What?_ " he hisses, trying to keep his voice down. Just then, our food arrives and he's quiet and less grumpy, thanking the waiter. But he immediately goes back to angry right after, lowering at me across the table and not touching his food.

I shove a mouthful of catsup-y spaghetti into my mouth to stall. He stares at me until I swallow and speak again. "You're taking me _all_ the way to Narita. In a cop car—I can _tell_ that you're carrying. I felt the gun when I leaned against you earlier. It looks like you're setting me up to trade me off for something."

He's all red and _so pissed_ —

 _Looks like I slapped the shit out of him or something, that amount of mad and shock._

"Nnnn—I wouldn't _blame_ you," I try, shoving more noodles into my mouth. " _Uhm_ —It just really paints a picture, when you line up all the details like this."

Ryoutarou's got that outraged curve to his eyebrows—The one he reserves for things like me being an asshole and—err— _betrayal_.

 _Was Kubo actually right?_

After what feels like for fucking ever, Ryoutarou shoves his food away, almost flipping the plate. "I'm going up front to pay. Meet me back outside—I'm not eating with you if you're going to be like this."

I watch him walk away and feel a surge of that niggling panic. It's been working its way through my brain, and now it's attempting to break through to the surface.

I swallow my fear and put away the rest of the food. I even eat his. _He'd never make something like this at home—_

 _Shit am I even going back?_

 _It would serve me right for all the times I've crossed him._

When I'm done, I put on my fake smile and wave to the hostess. _There was a Family Mart a few buildings up the street._

 _I'll get some cash for insurance..._

I see Ryoutarou leaning against the car, smoking. I narrow my eyes as my survival instinct kicks in. _I can make it down the block without him noticing._

 _And if he does, it'll be a lesson to the both of us._

Leaving stealthily, I slip down the alleyway two buildings over, taking the more sheltered path. Ryoutarou hasn't so much as turned around—He's on the street side of the patrol car.

I'm almost at the other end when I feel a hand grab my shoulder— _I'm not afraid._

I know _it's gotta be_ _Ryoutarou._

I hear a sad mumble: "So you really _don't_ trust me."

 _Fuck._

 _He knew—_

I sigh, putting my hands up and starting to turn around. _Not much I can say._

I fold my arms and stare at him, letting my weariness show through. _Yes, 'weariness'._

 _I'm fucking exhausted._

"So where were you going?" Ryoutarou quietly asks. "Don't stop on account of me. I simply wanted to know."

"FamiMa."

"That's all?" he inquires, cocking an eyebrow. He sighs and keeps his argumentative stance. "Cause you didn't have to sneak away for that. What's _really_ going on?"

I relent, pulling out my smartphone. "Objectively, it seems an awful lot as though you're getting rid of me. Only Kanji knows where we are, and he wouldn't care either wa—"

"What about Nanako?" he interrupts. "You think she'd let me do that?"

" _I_ don't think you'd give much of a shit what she thinks about it."

His jaw drops open and he falters a little, his hand twitching into a fist. I narrow my eyes. "Am I wrong?"

Ryoutarou steps towards me, his expression more heated now, but I don't back away. "You're wrong about a lot of things," he tells me. "Go to the fucking konbini and get back to the car."

 _Really curious now—_

"What _would_ you do if I walked away? If I slipped out in the middle of nowhere."

He takes another directed step towards me and I reflexively back into the wall. _Shit._

" _I don't know,_ " he forces the words out, screwing up his face.

 _That's enough of this bullshit—_

I stick out my hand, pressing my palm against his chest to gently push Ryoutarou away. " _Okay._ That's not what's going on with me, _so chill_." I sigh. "I'm taking money out of the ATM because I don't have much from after I paid Kubo befo—"

Ryoutarou's eyes flash. " _Wait_ —Kubo told you this?" he disdainfully spits, figuring it out.

My eyes slide downwards. "No..."

" _Yes_ ," he insists.

"Yes..." I groan. "Yeah, okay—Just come with me to the FamiMa. I'm getting cash and you should eat."

Ryoutarou backs up, still looking both bristly and hurt. I grab his hand and tug him behind me, back the way I came and down to the small convenience store.

He waits outside while I take out a lot of cash. I pick out a peace offering of gyoza and a mentaiko omusubi for him, and a bag of shimi choco sticks for me. I grab a few cans of cold black coffee and pay in cash, then carry it all back outside.

"Here," I mumble, shoving the box of gyoza at him.

Ryoutarou's eyes are still angry slits. "Just because they're my favorite..."

"There's also mentaiko. But you don't get the Boss until you let up."

He looks at me sideways, chewing on the fist gyoza. "Hnn."

Nothing else is said by either of us until the gyoza are gone. "Trust _me_. Not Kubo or anybody else."

"Yeah," I snort. " _Only_ trust you. _Forever_..."

Ryoutarou huffs and rubs my head. "You know what I mean." He hands me the empty tray and I shuffle it back into the bag, taking out the rice ball and my snack. I put the small cans of cold coffee in my pockets.

Ryoutarou snatches away the omusubi while I'm busy. He leans against the car again to eat.

"So how'd you know?" I query.

"I know you— _Mostly_ ," he asserts around a mouthful of food. "I figured if I waited patiently, you'd make a break for the alleyway if you were going to run away." His eyes look serious, but he isn't glaring anymore. "After you said you thought I was turning you over somewhere, I don't doubt you downed both meals, politely scrambled out, and went right for the corner store."

He points down the road, to where it bends sharply, and exhales. " _Moron_ —I could see you in the mirror up there."

Sure enough, there's a wide-angle mirror mounted on the corner of a building. _Damn._

 _Have I lost my touch?_

"Stop frowning," Ryoutarou scolds. "I'm glad I can read you enough. We're supposed to be partners."

I take a deep breath and shove my hands in the sweatshirt pocket. I draw out one of the coffees and hand it to him.

"I wasn't running. Just getting insurance—The money. I know I can't bribe my way out of anything with the paltry amount I've got left, but if I can escape from some where... I can get away with cash." I pause to laugh bitterly. "The one thing our cash society is good for."

"How many times have you 'escaped' in your life?"

" _A few_ ," I admit.

Ryoutarou sighs and hands me the wrapper. "Don't worry about that crap anymore. We're in this together."

"Okay. I'll try."

He cuffs me on the shoulder and finishes the coffee. "What happened to not writing me off?"

"I said I wasn't leaving," I protest. I can hear a whine in my voice— _Hate that shit!_

"Oh- _kay_ ," he breathes, drawing out the word while he crushes the empty can. He hands it to me and opens the door to get back in the car.

I start to fume, but climb back in, too. "What do you want from me?" I mutter.

I watch him turn the car on. When Ryoutarou turns around to back out, and then I can see his face—less guarded in that moment—for the first time today I realize how unsettled he really is.

 _People are a pain._

When he's done backing up and stops to put the car in drive, I cover his hand with mine. Ryoutarou looks up at me and I can see the anxiety pulsing in his eyes. Can read it loud and clear.

I lean over and kiss him. A good, serious kiss. When I pull away though, he looks confused more than nervous. _It's something._

"Wh-what was that for?" Ryoutarou haltingly asks.

I shrug. "Looked like you needed it."

"Haah," he sighs. "I _don't_ get you..."

I close my eyes again while we zip through a number of smaller towns. Ryoutarou puts on the radio and we're at ease.

Until his phone rings.

"What?" Ryoutarou says into his cell. Then he lets out a more surprised noise. "What?!" he barks. " _You're at my house?_ "

"Who is it?" I tap him.

He ignores me and keeps yelling. "You decided it was a good idea to just show up?! There isn't even anyone there—"

Ryoutarou's going really red and he's got that enraged look on his face. So I reach over and yank the phone out of his hands. "Who is this?!" I spit.

"I-it's Ryota!" the man on the other line stutters. "What'd I do?!"

 _Aurgh!_

I laugh derisively. "You picked the wrong day, _idiot_. No one's home. No one will _be_ home until tomorrow—Get lost!"

Ryoutarou's now directing his displeasure at me, trying to make a grab for the phone. I lean away from his hand. "I got this—" I assure him, covering the mic.

"Ryota." I sigh, trying to sound annoyed, when really this is kind of amusing. " _Look._ You can't just show up in town or at our house. You need to call first— _And not through the TV!_ "

"I used the phone because no one was there," he grumbles.

I smack the dashboard. "Then why the fuck would you go over?! We have other problems right now. And use the phone from now on— _Pho-o-o-ne_ ," I drag out the word. "You clearly know what a _phone_ is."

"I don't have your number. I took Ryou's from Marie."

I tell him the digits and wait while he adds me to his address book. "Where are you even staying?" I question.

"They have a house nearby—"

"Who has—You know what? _I don't care._ " I smack the dashboard. "How far is it?"

"About a forty-five minute walk," he bluntly replies.

I drum my fingers— _This is too funny._

"Lemme guess—" I sarcastically intone. "You like walks, huh?"

"Yes."

"Okay." I scratch my head, trying to figure out the next step, here. "Why don't you come by later in the week? After we get home I'll let you know what's good. We're _both_ working, so you can't just come around in the middle of the day."

I hear a familiar "hnn" through the line and roll my eyes. " _You're working?_ Who the hell would hire a goddamn slacker like you?"

"Ryota?" I quip.

"What?"

" _Fuck off!_ " I mash the end button and snap Ryoutarou's old fucking cell closed. I hand it back to him and he looks a little less angry. " _I_ can take care of the shadows. You focus on the rest."

He glances at me after he throws his cell in the cup holder. "Alright," he agrees. "Fine. I'll leave it to you."

I nod confidently. "Want another coffee?" I chuckle.

Ryoutarou give me the 'Moron Look'. "How many did you buy?"

"There's more than one person I need to bribe, apparently."

"Mnn..." Ryoutarou agreeably grumbles, holding out his hand. Then asks me to turn on my smartphone's GPS. "We're getting close, but I don't know where exactly."

I type in the address and direct him down a bunch of narrow roads. "Ever been to Narita?" I ask.

"Yes."

"I haven't. Lived so close, too—Turn here. It's that one." I point to a nondescript low-rise office building. "That's it?" I scratch at my head again and peer at the ordinary-looking place.

Ryoutarou snorts. "Looks can be deceiving." He pulls into a visitor space and throws the police car into park. "Okay," he breathes, reaching over to open the glove compartment. "Put your damn guns in there."

"Huh?" I sniff, narrowing my eyes. "I don't have a—"

"Yes, you do." Ryoutarou pats one of my pants' pockets. "I noticed it earlier. I doubt you've got just one."

I groan and cross my left leg on my other knee. I raise the cuff to show off a derringer. "It's better to have _one_."

"We're taking a non-confrontational stance—To start with. And guns are still in violation of your parole."

 _And speaking of parole—My parole officer is coming by later this week._

 _I guess I should try..._

I unstrap the holster and shove it in the glove compartment. "How am I supposed to act?" I quip.

He reaches back over to snap the cupboard closed and lock it. "You're _going_ to act however you want—So I'm _asking_ you to use your best judgment. Think before you do."

I nod. "Don't worry." I take off the sweatshirt and look down at myself. _I appear decently professional—I know that makes him feel more confident._

 _We'll be fine._

Ryoutarou squeezes my shoulder and finally opens his door. "Let's go, then."

I exit the car and follow him to the main entrance. Inside, the building has a _completely_ different vibe than the boring, normal affect it gives off. _That's hiding in plain sight, for you..._

It's modern, with day-bright bulbs to make up for the lack of large windows. You have to check in at "Reception", which is definitely a heavily guarded checkpoint—I can glimpse a metal detector through the small window decorating the _only_ door.

When we walk over to speak with the receptionist, they don't say anything—It's up to us to make the first move. I wait silently while Ryoutarou states his name and that he's here to pick up papers for "Tatsumi Kuma" and make sure Namatame is released.

 _Is this an office or some sort of holding pen? I can't read what goes on here, and I'd rather not walk in unknowledgeable._

 _I don't like this..._

We're buzzed through the door and then have to walk through the hi-tech machine, get patted down, and have copies made of our IDs. Ryoutarou is told to leave his USP in the guard's care—That he'll need only his license retrieve it.

We're told which floor and office, and make out way there. Sure enough—The one we stop at is labeled "Dojima Yuudai - Chairman". Ryoutarou makes an aggravated noise, so I slip my left hand into his right before he knocks.

When the door opens a few seconds later, I feel a surge of hostility when I see her— _She is definitely that bitch who pushed for stronger sentencing._ I feel my teeth showing, so I rush to close my mouth.

I feel Ryoutarou squeeze my hand a few times until I calm down enough.

"Ah— _Hello_ ," he tries.

"Hnn," Yuudai replies— _And what the fuck is this a family trait or something?!_ "I see you've finally come crawling back."

Now that I know, there is a clear resemblance—They're both tall, with sharp eyes and a few other similar features. And that aggressive, in-charge way they speak to everyone.

"You have something of mine," Ryoutarou impassively replies, dropping my hand to pull out a cigarette, a motion the older woman notices.

Yuudai frowns. "The hell is that?" she colloquially barks, snatching away the pack of smokes.

I pluck the box back instantly. The two people stare at me like they'd forgotten I exist. "My _name_ is Adachi." I light a cigarette and pass it to Ryoutarou.

"Bodyguard?" his mother jeers.

"Something like that," I retort, sliding the rest of them back into his pocket. And they're still gawking. "What?" I quip. "I was _asked_ to come along. What did you expect?"

Ryoutarou shakes his head to clear it and takes a drag off the cigarette. "We'd like the papers. Where is Namatame?"

"He's down the hall," she gestures with a flick of her head. "He's working however, so don't disturb him until his break."

" _'Working'?_ " Ryoutarou questioningly repeats.

Yuudai nods. "We've made a deal." She gives us a smug smile. "I have a similar proposal for you." She looks right at me and raises an eyebrow. "I'll explain if you'll join me for coffee."

"No, we'll be leaving with the documents," Ryoutarou replies for me. I make a face and he grunts. "Let's go, _Tohru_."

 _Sure, now he's fine using my name in public—When he's obviously trying to get me to listen to him._

"Let 'Tohru' decide for himself. He's his own man, yeah?" Yuudai folds her arms and waits for my answer.

I look between the two of them, feeling like one of those animals getting yelled for by both sides. Ryoutarou looks like he's on the edge of anger, while the woman gloats. He's going splotchy red again. I scratch my head and sigh.

I make a decision and pull a can of Boss out of my pocket. "Well, we already have coffee, what else can you offer me?" I smirk.

"Cafeteria vouchers," she spits, less happy than before. _Someone likes to think they're in charge..._

"Fine—Let's go," Ryoutarou grumbles. He looks to Yuudai to lead the way, a suspicious expression playing across his face. "How long until Namatame is free?" Ryoutarou asks, rudely tapping the end of his cigarette, dropping ash on the floor.

Yuudai doesn't pay it any attention. "A few hours."

" _Oi_ —We don't have that long," Ryoutarou reiterates.

"We'll see," the woman tells him, and ushers us into an elevator. We ride to the top floor—Not that it's too high, only the eighth.

 _But there are a bunch more buttons, looking like they lead to basements._

"We have ten additional floors underground," Yuudai explains, as if reading my mind. " _Test facilities._ "

Ryoutarou glares and stubs his cigarette on the wall of the elevator, then drops it to the floor.

"Pick that up," Yuudai admonishes, but doesn't lose her cool. "I didn't raise rude children."

Ryoutarou simply stares at her and I get the feeling that he _is_ acting like a complete child— _Way worse than I've ever seen before._

Not enjoying this standoff, I personally pick the cigarette off the ground, and try to smile amiably at Ryoutarou. He falters, and I can see he's realizing he's being a jackass. I take his hand again with a sigh.

And that's when she notices. This lady was at several of my court dates and I've seen her around when I worked in Tokyo—she was some police bigwig—and this is someone whom I've _never_ seen appear surprised.

Her eyes widen for a brief moment before she regains control of herself.

"Stop that," Yuudai orders. "You look like queers. Adults don't hold hands like that."

"They do if they're in a relationship," Ryoutarou retorts. "And no one says 'queer' anymore."

"Well, actually..." I mumble, and Ryoutarou gives me a 'shut up' look.

The elevator dings and we silently file out. The cafeteria takes up a good portion of the top floor and has large windows. _There's so many different food stations, and I know I ate two meals like two hours ago, but this is too good to pass up!_

"Get whatever you want and put it on my tab," Yuudai snaps. "Then we'll go to a conference room down the hall."

 _Someone's done with the niceties..._

While I take different dishes off the line and stack them on my tray, Ryoutarou glares at me. "What?" I tiredly ask.

"We should be leaving."

"I'd like to know what the job is. I need a job, remember?" I reply.

Ryoutarou runs a hand through his hair and grumbles at me. "I _got_ you a job..."

"I need to build a _resume_ ," I respond. "Not knit and play with fabric."

 _This could be something I'd enjoy._

The cashier tallies everything up and then we're walking back over to his mother. "You didn't tell me you want to build a resume." _Now he looks hurt._

 _Oh boy..._

"I hadn't thought about it. I didn't think I could get back into law enforcement. But this job has to have something to do with either that or politics, right? It'd be a good step."

Yuudai is clearly studying our interactions like a hawk, now. Or some other angry bird. "This way," she curtly tells us. We walk a little ways and enter a small meeting room.

I set down my food and dig in. Ryoutarou shoots me a disgusted look, so I pass him the last can of coffee. He exhales loudly, but accepts, popping the tab and taking a sip.

"So what's Namatame doing?" I ask, hoping I sound interested.

"With help from us, he was able to manifest his Izanagi," Yuudai smugly confides. "And we'd like to see yours."

" _He doesn't ha—_ " Ryoutarou angrily starts, slapping the table.

I step on his foot as hard as I can. "What's _that_?" I dumbly question.

"Yeah, what's that?" Ryoutarou boredly echoes, clearly not meaning it.

Yuudai pages through some sort of report in front of her. "We have reason to believe that you have a special ghost inside of you," she explains, appearing to be a good sport.

 _Until she abruptly changes tactics—_

"But cut the crap, you already know all this don't you?"

I hold out my arms and smirk, not ready to give anything up.

"If you'd like to see if you have the potential, we will reimburse you for your time," Yuudai carefully words her proposal.

"Could this lead to a permanent position like my old one?" I question, tapping my finger on the table. "I'd like something like that again."

" _No. Fucking. Way_." She enunciates each word, keeping a straight face. "You should still be locked up— _But_ —" she pauses to point at me. "We could possibly negotiate the house arrest, giving you more freedom."

"Hmm," I loudly hum.

Yuudai flicks her eyes to Ryoutarou, who's leaning back in the chair with folded arms, the small can of coffee already gone. "I'm not convinced my moronic son even makes you wear the tracking bracelet."

" _Excuse me?_ " Ryoutarou indignantly huffs. "I took it off today because I was told to by _your people_!"

I narrow my eyes. "He's never been anything but a rule-follower," I supply. "And I don't appreciate the insinuation that he'd let me walk off. He five-hundred percent would _not_ —He takes this bullshit _way_ too seriously." I scoff, and I can feel myself getting worked up—

And I realize that's what this woman _wants_.

 _Knows that then I'll make a snap decision about all this—_

I don't take the bait. "Do you have some sort of contract drawn up? I bet you do," I say.

Yuudai smirks and draws out a clear file. "Everything is in here. I hope you'll peruse it and get back to me soon."

"Fine," Ryoutarou interrupts. "Now where are Tatsumi's papers?"

"Oh, did I not mention that Tarou has them? He's worked so hard so I let him hang on to them. He should be free shortly."

"Good," Ryoutarou concludes. "Then we'll be leaving." He stands and yanks me with him. I grab the folder so I can at least take a look at whatever this is.

"I was hoping to ride back to Inaba with you," Yuudai sweetly calls after us, smiling knowingly at Ryoutarou.

"Over my dead body," he mumbles.

The woman opens the conference room door and rests her hand on his shoulder. "Ooh, but I do need to meet this Kuma-kun. I have reason to believe he's from another world."

 _Shit—_

"So I'll definitely be in your neck of the woods. I was hoping we could put the past behind us and I would be able to see my only granddaughter."

" _No._ "

"She could get pulled in for questioning, and it would be a shame for her to meet me in such a way... When we _are_ family and all. I _know_ how important family is to you."

" _Oww_ —" I hiss. _He's gonna break my fucking fingers!_

Ryoutarou lets up on my hand and squares off with Yuudai. "You get _one_ chance."

"How many chances have you given the _murder_?" she rails, landing a decisive hit.

 _He's squeezing my hand again—_

"That's not your business."

"I know more than you think. All of our platitudes may not reflect the depth of my knowledge on _personas_ —"

 _She used the fucking word!_

 _She does know more than she's letting on._

"—but I know it _all_. I know how deep his involvement goes. And he's a danger to you and Nanako."

 _He's still clutching my hand so fracking hard—_

 _Ryoutarou's going splotchy and dark once more, and this time the woman is, too. Damn they seem a lot alike._

"He's not a ' _danger_ '—He needs _help_! Which he's getting, _as you know_ , because it was a part of his conditional release— _Which you approved._ " Ryoutarou's advancing more, acting aggressive—

 _And what the fuck happened to our 'non-confrontational stance'?!_

But he's still going. "He's definitely not the _'national threat_ ' you tried to paint him as, and if you insist on pursuing further incarceration, once his sentence is over, _the three of us will move so far you will never see us again_."

Ryoutarou drops my hand to walk right up to her, getting in her face. Yuudai straightens, pulling herself up to her full height— _And damn she's a lot taller than I'd thought._

"So back the fuck off if you want _any_ contact," Ryoutarou concludes. "He's family now, _more to me than you are._ "

 _Ooh dammit. I do not think that was the right thing to say—_

 _My wheels are spinning out of control._

 _Control—_

 _I don't have any control over this argument—_

 _This situation—_

 _Fucki—_

 _These are not people I want fighting. It won't end badly for just me, but all of us._

In that moment, it's as though a switch flips inside me.

"That's quite enough," I calmly intone, stepping closer to the two commanding presences. "We all need to back up and take a breather."

Their heads snap around in my direction and both people give me inquisitive stares. _That's right. I'm stepping up to deescalate this idiocy._

"Why don't we all think on it and discuss it later, if we're all going in the same direction," I assertively instruct.

They stare like idiots, and Ryoutarou's mouth falls open.

"We'll ride separately," I declare. "I remember the floor plan. Point us to Namatame and we can find out own way out."

Yuudai watches me knowingly—She's seen my demeanor change before. It happened one day in court.

The day they cut me the deal.

 _When the pressure gets to be too much, I feel almost strangely calm._

 _It only works when other people are involved. I can't do it when there's a me-problem._

 _But only when I both feel cornered and have something to protect._

We're given directions to Namatame's "provisional office", he'll be going back to Tokyo at the end of the week. They told his aide he's on a business trip, and once they stopped pretending he was a hostage, he's apparently been very compliant and interested in finding out more about his persona.

 _Bastard still thinks he can use it to save people._

 _No one needs his saving._

Back in the elevator by ourselves, Ryoutarou studies me. "What the fuck was that?" he incredulously questions.

"I was taking care of the shit you were screwing up," I respond.

"You're different."

"I'm taking charge," I evenly reply. "Somebody had to."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Ryoutarou demands.

I sigh, knowing he's going to be pissed again if I call him out. "You were getting really riled up. So I stepped in to make sure you didn't start making threats— _Real_ threats," I clarify. "In a government building."

" _I know what I'm doing._ "

"Okay, well it's over anyhow." The elevator doors open and we head out to find Namatame's room.

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	54. I want (Kazoku)

NOTES: Sorry that it's not Nanako and Teddie for the sake of Nanako and Teddie. I'm more focused on Teddie processing everything right now.

Last night I did a load of research on Japanese prisons and "aftercare". I have some stuff coming up—like the parole officer—so I needed to know what kinda stuff should be included. Adachi is one lucky little fucker... Because of his relationship with Doujima, things are significantly easier for him in terms of aftercare. Doujima can just be his volunteer, and work escort, as I'd mentioned before. (The work escort is a US thing, but I didn't see anything on it for Japan, so I'm going to assume it's similar.)

So, volunteers—Apparently, there are volunteer cops or retired cops who do probation check-ups post-incarceration. There's nothing too formal unless you've committed a serious crime or they're worried you'll relapse. I think in Adachi's case there would definitely be someone working in a more official capacity—Which is why I'm having someone do a visit.

Also as a side note, Wikipedia said usually they're cops around fifty or fifty-five and retired. That's a friggin YOUNG retirement age! I don't know if it's like that for other careers in Japan, but I'm going to assume not. I know with more trying jobs, retention can be iffy, but that surprised me...

* * *

Chapter Nine: I want...

(Teddie)

I read a magazine while Nanako looks at her notebook. I can't help peering over to check her progress.

 _I wanna know what's in there too..._

 _I wanna know everything he didn't tell me—_

 _I wanna know when he knew who I was!_

"Why can't I remember," I mutter aloud—Not realizing until it's out and I'm covering my mouth with my hands.

When I look up, I realize Nana's face is upset, too. "What is it?" I anxiously ask her.

She shakes her head. "There's so much... I don't even know where to start."

I nod, staying quiet so she can have time to think. She flips through the pages again and I can see Tohru's messy kanji scrawled all over the place. Some aren't in the lines, some are really big, some are drawn over more than once...

I lean in to have a closer look when Nanako sighs. One page looks like he cried on it. There's a _lot_ crossed out here.

"What does it say?" I question.

"Mm," Nana replies. "Which words can't you read?"

"That one and that one... This one..."

She tells me the kanji and I copy them down as best as I can on my phone.

"Two aren't the whole word," Nanako tells me. "He stopped partway through. That's why you can't tell."

"Ooh," I breathe.

"Now that you know, can you tell what he's saying?"

I nod quickly. "He's asking for help, right?"

"Yes..." she kind of agrees. "I think he's asking for reassurance more than help. He might want advice, but I think he's searching for my opinion on this."

"Let's call and ask!" I smile.

Nana laughs. "Not right now," she tells me. "They might be busy."

"Where did they all go?" I question.

"I don't know. Somewhere in Tokyo." She pauses. "Or _near_ Tokyo. They're dropping Kanji outside the city, so I'm unsure." Nana narrows her eyes. "Dad was being secretive."

"Oh," is all I say, pulling out my phone to text Tohru. _I wonder if he's having fun._

 _Why won't he talk to me?_

I glance over at the other room when I hear Kaasan enter the house for the evening. "When will dinner be?" she calls.

"How about soon?" I ask. _It's already after six._ "We can start now!"

Nana begins to put her stuff away, but I tell her not to worry. I can chop the veggies myself!

When they're ready, I do ask for help. Nanako measures out dried fish flakes and cuts kelp to make the base, and takes out a bunch of other stuff for the rest of the broth. I sit and pay good attention while she explains what everything is and how much I should put in.

We call Kaasan when everything is set out and the soup is boiling on the portable burner. "Kanji's not the only one who can cook, anymore!" I tell Kaasan.

She laughs. "I don't believe I've ever eaten a meal made by Nanako before."

"And me!" I raise my hand.

"And you," she agrees, smiling.

Nanako laughs and brings over glasses of water. Then we cook the food and it's _so good~_

There is a lot of cleaning, but it goes by faster with someone to talk to! Nanako scrubs the dishes and I bring everything over. Then I dry and put stuff away.

Kanji calls her when we're just about done. They talk for a minute and then she hands the phone to me.

"How's your trip?!" I ask him.

Kanji grunts. "We're bringing an extra one home, apparently. The ojisan told me to wait at the station and they'd be here soon. I don't really know what's going on, but Dojima sounded pissed. Nanako can stay with us tonight. I think we'll be back late."

"Yay!" I can't help yelling.

"Uhh, have her stay in my room or something. Don't make a it hard for Ma, okay?" he says. "You can use the washer and you know where towels are. Help me out, yeah?"

"Okay~" I cheer and hang up, not realizing he was still talking until he calls back.

"Bear," Kanji sighs. "Make sure to actually _sleep_. She has school and you have work."

I nod a lot. "Yeah!"

"Alright. Have fun. Let me know if you need anything."

"Okay! Bye Kanji!"

I hang up again and give Nana her phone back. I'm grinning and she giggles.

"Don't get too excited," she tells me. "It's already getting late."

"Yeah..." She's right. "Hmph! We have time! Lemme show you where everything is~"

Nanako thanks Kaasan on the way upstairs, and drops her things in Kanji's room. "No!" I stop her. "I'll stay here and you can stay in my room! My futon's comfier!"

"Okay," Nanako smiles, picking her backpack up again.

I throw open the door to my room and then I remember it's a mess. "Oops—" I yell, hurrying to put things in order. I put away the snacks, take down the cushion tower, and throw my dirty clothes in the hallway. "All done!"

"Tohru-jisan doesn't put his away, either," Nanako says, gesturing to my futon.

I nod. "It's always on the floor when I come over... But he doesn't even sleep there, right?"

"No," Nana shakes her head. "But he sits on it while he plays games."

"He plays a lot of games," I observe.

"Right?" she snickers. "I couldn't believe all his stuff was for an adult when Dad was moving it in!"

I have to laugh, too. "I wish he was better at sharing—He has so many games!"

"Why don't you bring one of yours over?" Nanako suggests. "You can see if he'll trade. If not," she frowns. "Let me know and I'll tell him to try. I think he'd listen."

"He really listens to you," I agree.

Nanako sits at the table and takes out her books again. "We had a good talk the other night. He respects me."

"Do you respect him?"

Nana chews on her lip, thinking. "Yes and no. I appreciate that he's honest and more open with me, but I hate how difficult it is to connect with him. He makes it hard on purpose, for other people."

I sit next to Nanako and watch as she works on math problems while we chat. "Like with me?" I ask.

"Yes," she nods. "And Kanji. And just about everyone else. If he tried a little harder it would be so much easier. It's frustrating because I know he _can_ do it—" Nana sets down her pencil, looking aggravated.

She taps it on the table. "Take the other night, after they came back from the TV."

"Yeah?" I reply.

"He and Kanji got along _so well_ that evening! But I doubt he kept it up. They're both people whose trust and respect you have to work for, but Tohru-jisan makes it practically impossible. He sets his standards so high and looks for reasons to dislike people."

"With Kanji you just have to be nice!" I add.

"Yes," Nanako says. "You have to be considerate of others. That's the main quality he looks for. Tohru-jisan takes too many things into account and tries to find reasons why he shouldn't trust people. And he gets jealous easy."

"He _does_!" I nod. "He likes to be better than people or closer to people, huh?"

Nanako sighs. "Yeah. And he can't always have his way." She finishes the last problem on the page and closest the book. "But that's enough about that. How about I get ready for bed and we play a game?"

"Okay!" I happily reply. "What kinda game?"

"I have a deck of cards," Nana tells me, searching in her bag. "Wanna learn a new game?"

"Ooh~ What is it?"

Nanako smiles super-kind. I almost don't notice the look in her eyes because I'm so excited about the game.

"It's called King's Corners..."

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	55. Everybody Shut the Hell Up (Kazoku)

**—((TWO WARNINGS))—** (1) For drunk sex again. (2) And there's consent, but it feels kinda dub-con because Tohru doesn't really explain what he's doing.

NOTES: Now that that's out of the way... We're going to get another new character—Yuudai's mysterious aide. Yeah. I've thought up nothing on this one yet. Just that he exists... But he's gonna be important; that's why I'm making him! Or her. Undecided...

THANK YOU to everyone who has talked to me with feedback lately! I love hearing from you and it's really encouraging~ Specifically thank you to Casey (who's been with me for a long time!), ribbonsandcorpses (who I know is out there!), Milligramme (your comments made me cry in a good way~), and AyaEmett (chatting has been loads of fun~)! Please keep reading if you have the time :)

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Everybody Shut the Hell Up

(Ryoutarou)

In the parking lot, I pull the car to the front of the building. "We're really going to drive back with her?" I double-check, irritated. "Why'd you change your mind? Her damn aide's taking the _train_..."

"A reasonable question," Tohru nods placatingly. "I don't know her. I can't make a good decision without enough information," he levels.

I sigh. _Makes sense._

 _I don't think I like cool-headed Tohru._

"I've got your back and you've got mine, _right_?" Tohru raises his eyebrows, mocking me.

"Right," I agree. "Okay..."

I unlock the doors and my mother pokes her head into the backseat.

"You're going to put your mother in the back of a police car?" she angrily questions, peering inside. "I was the chief of police for all of Tokyo..." She shakes her head derisively.

"I called shotgun," Tohru evenly replies, not turning around.

"You will _never_ have a shotgun," my mother quips.

 _Fucking hell, I hate this already._

"One of you get us to the highway," I grumble.

Tohru pulls out his phone, but my mother "hnn"s and points me in the right direction first. I see Tohru put the sweatshirt back on and kick off his shoes again.

"Call Kanji," I tell him. "We're going to be later than I thought."

"Who's Kanji?" my mother asks.

"One of the brats," Tohru tells her.

I hear on of them sigh.

"What brats?"

"Your _bratty_ grandson's _bratty_ friends," Tohru plainly tells her, an edge to his voice.

My mother whacks the window. "You will _not_ call him a brat, _murderer_!"

"I've been called worse, bitch," Tohru retorts. "That the only thing left in the clip?"

Her next comment is directed at me and punctuated with a _whap_ behind my own head for each word. "This one's got a smart mouth, Ryou. Thought you liked quiet and pretty, not crazy and uppity."

I grit my teeth and reach over to unlock the glove compartment— _Need my migraine medication..._

I hear my mother gasp when Tohru's guns tumble into his lap. I groan, fishing for the bottle of pills.

"Wonder how _these_ got in here?" he nervously laughs, sliding them into his pockets.

"Tohru get my medication," I order; head throbbing.

The two are quiet until he hands me a pill and an open bottle of water.

"Thanks," I say, handing the water back to Tohru. "And call Kanji. Have Nanako stay there tonight. I don't think we'll be back until at least midnight." I sigh. "See if he can get _her_ a room at the inn, too."

He nods and turns away with the phone to his ear. "Hi," he starts, and then the conversation continues, with an overall decent vibe. _That's good._

 _Can't pick him up soon enough..._

When Tohru's off the phone, the demon in the backseat speaks again. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around the apparent fact that my only son is a homosexual now."

I grip the wheel, wishing I could rip it off the car and let the thing take all three of us off a cliff.

"He's _Tohru_ -sexual. Know your terms," Tohru arrogantly jeers like a smartass. _That's not going to help things._

 _I also don't like that he's smiling. As though he's enjoying this demented exchange._

"That's not a real thing," my mother gibes. "I'm not _that_ behind. And you have a woman's name so who the hell knows anything these days..."

"And yours is a _man's_ name. Got anything else I've heard a million times already?" Tohru taunts. "I can do this the whole ride home—To _our_ home. Where you won't be going."

"Please don't..." I uselessly plead.

"Hnn," I hear. "If not for almost killing my family, I might like this one _better_."

 _...and with that, I can practically hear Tohru signing the job offer..._

It continues much like that until we stop for Kanji.

"Ojisan!" he happily greets me, opening the door to the backseat. I see him back up a little when two sets of eyes glare at him. "Uhh," he scratches the back of his neck.

"In or out, kid," my mother barks. Tohru snickers.

"You must be Dojima-sama," Kanji politely tries, ducking his head to take a seat. "I'm Tatsumi Kanji, Yuu's friend."

"I know," she curtly replies.

I pull away and see Kanji nod from the mirror. "Oh, okay."

"Why are you with these losers?" she interrogates him.

"H-huh?" Kanji balks. "'Scuse me, Ma'am?"

"You heard her," Tohru replies, ganging up on my friend— _Apparently 'In-Control Tohru' rolls with the punches._

 _Super!_

Kanji looks like a deer in the headlights. "I'm also friends with the ojisan," Kanji manages.

Tohru turns around in his seat again. "He's definitely not _my_ friend," he confides in my mother, throwing Kanji under the bus by himself.

"W-wha—?" Kanji stupidly intones.

"This one seems polite but dumb," she agrees.

The kid looks like a kicked puppy. "O-ojisan?" he asks me.

"Kanji," I groan. "Maybe _you and I_ should take the train."

"If you abandon the convict, I'm turning him over at the nearest station," my mother informs me. "I'll say he escaped."

" _Ex_ -convict," Tohru amiably corrects. "I'm being _rehabilitated_. And if take your job," he says, brandishing the folder. "You promised a renegotiation."

"I'm a hard sell."

"You're both stubborn assholes," I mutter.

Kanji's put in his earphones and is ignoring the others. He meets my eyes, shaking his head helplessly.

I pull out my cigarettes and Tohru takes the box from me. I sigh for the umpteenth time, knowing he's going to put on a show.

Tohru puts it in his own mouth to light it and smokes like earlier before passing it to me. Then he tucks the pack back into my pocket and pats it, all smiles.

"Queers," a huffy voice scoffs from the backseat.

I see Kanji's eyes go wide and his mouth drop open.

" _What?_ " my mother inquires. "It isn't as though I called them 'fags'."

" _Holy shit!_ " Kanji gawks.

"What?" he's asked. "You too?"

He shakes his head, bewildered.

 **#**

"You're still acting off," I state as I shut the engine. Tohru and I sit in the garage for a few minutes in silence, and he seems strangely comfortable just letting everything be.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"I snapped earlier. I've got all this extra energy," he gestures with his hands in the air. "But I'm calm and focused. It happens sometimes."

I frown. "It's never happened around _me_."

"Yes it has," Tohru replies without missing a beat. "It happened once when you were drunk. You didn't notice."

"Nn," I exhale. " _That_ sounds like a damn good idea."

"Don't you have work tomorrow?" he queries, sounding unhappy.

I nod. "I'm going in late." I open the door and exit the car, tired but more settled than this morning. "You coming in?" I ask, sending off a text to Sakamoto.

"Yeah," he replies, getting out as well.

 _He still looks ridiculous in that sweatshirt paired with business casual. Plus it's fucking huge._

I sigh and stalk into the house. I kick off my shoes; take off my jacket and gun. I carelessly toss them onto the dining room table— _Nanako's not coming home anyhow._

 _In which case—_

I throw my shirt and pants in a heap on floor and take a six-pack out of the fridge. I set the drinks on the low table, then collapse on the tatami mats. I crack open the first and down the whole can.

"Not gonna eat?" Tohru questions, settling in on the couch.

I roll my eyes. "Does it look like I'm going to eat?"

He chuffs and watches as I drink a second beer. "Are you going to sleep down here?"

I groan, remembering I hung everything in the yard this morning. "I'm not taking it all in. It's pitch black outside and heavy and I don't feel like it." I crush the second can and toss it to the floor.

 _That sounded awfully whiny._

I exhale, opening another.

"Tohru, just go sleep on yours if you want. I'm spent."

"You're throwing a tantrum," he flatly tells me.

"You _angry_?" I quip.

Tohru grumbles something and slides over so he's sitting behind me. He yanks me so I'm leaning back between his legs, and I spill my drink a little.

"Shit—" I curse.

"Just stop," Tohru tiredly orders. He pulls the can from my hand and drinks the rest himself.

I lean back and look up at him. "Why're _you_ mad?" I spit. "You're gonna get a job and you'll be free."

He tosses the can to the floor and I grab two more off the table, handing him one.

"You're clearly not happy with the opportunity," Tohru remarks. He raises his eyebrows, watching me.

"I want it to be just us," I quietly admit. "I don't want those other people in my life again. You'd be working with my mother's team, and I'm sure more of them will pop up. I don't like it." I shake my head and moan.

I sip my drink more slowly, jolting when I feel Tohru press his icy can against the back of my neck. "That's cold, jackass."

"I know," he replies, cracking a smile. "Do _you_ know that you sound like me?"

"Huh?" I intone.

"You sound _jealous_."

"No..." I weakly protest. He taps the can on me again, and I yank it away from him. "I'll have yours if you're going to be a jerk—"

"Lighten up," Tohru sighs. "I'm just teasing."

We're silent for a time while I finish everything. "Go git me more," I tell Tohru.

"You're drunk enough," he sourly replies, nudging me with his leg. "You can only have it if you get it yourself."

"I can get't myself..."

I stand, pushing up off Tohru's knees. I'm admittedly a little unsteady, but I catch my balance and step forward. I hear Tohru sigh again, and then he wraps his arms around me, pulling me so I topple backwards onto him.

"C'mon— _Don't_ ," he chides. "You had enough."

I groan but don't try to get back up. "Can't sit still."

I feel Tohru breathe deeply a few times. He squeezes me to him and sighs.

"Why're'yu _so_..."

He laughs and buries his head in my neck. "I'm not going to be able to sleep. Too worked up from all the stress."

"Really?" I ask. "Then lemme..." I trail off, trying to turn myself around.

The asshole makes it as difficult as possible, acting like it's an accident—Squirming and moving his legs wrong and pretending like he's helping when he's really pushing me back down.

When I'm finally sitting next to him, glaring, I can see a smug look on his face. " _Sure_ you're not drunk?"

"Not _e'nuff_." I roll my eyes and pull Tohru to lean on me. "I wish you'd say 'no' and have a reg'lar job."

He shrugs. "I haven't even looked at it yet."

"You can already come'n'go as you please," I try. "If you wanna go somewhere else we'll figure it out—Jus' say th'word."

"No," Tohru shakes his head. "That's not it— _Why do you keep thinking that's what this is?_ " He groans and stares hard at me.

"B'cause..." I trail off, not wanting to finish the sentence. I sigh and keep going. "I thought you were takin' off for good today, kay?" I turn away from him, knowing I must look like I'm worried.

 _I should just admit it..._

"I was _a'fraid_."

Tohru's staring at me. I can feel his gaze even though I'm looking away.

"When you're like this, you make it too easy for me," is all he says before he leans over and digs his teeth into my shoulder. "You're _mine_. I'm not leaving you." When I look over, his eyes are smoldering.

I recognize that my brain's been rewired to think his biting equals sex, but I don't care right now.

 _But it is weird though, right?_

I turn, leaning my weight on Tohru and pushing him down on the couch. He bucks up to grind against me, hissing as I tug at his clothes.

Tohru groans when I lick his ear and graze skin with teeth, but it's _nothing_ like the way he does it. He writhes and I give the same treatment to his neck and chest. He doesn't protest when I keep heading lower.

 _I certainly don't expect what he says next—_

"Do it."

"Huh?" I question, pulling away.

He leans back on his elbows. "Yeah. Do it."

"You'okay wi'that?" I ask— _He usually isn't._

"Yes," he nods.

"Alright," I comply, licking the inside of his thigh.

Tohru groans and I hear him dig his fingers into the couch. I search for his hand, moving it to rest it on my head while I keep working him.

"Ff—nmn—" is all he can get out. I'd laugh if I could right now.

When I finally sit back up, he's all flushed. "Hnn?" I ask, and I know I'm leering, but he only grins back.

"I'll show you something, too," Tohru tells me after he catches his breath. He easily pushes my backwards, sliding off my boxers. "You trust me?"

I nod.

"You better~" he jeers, sounding a little more like normal.

Tohru seats himself on my chest, facing away. When he starts to touch me, I realize he's holding me still. I can't push him off or get enough leverage to sit back up.

"What're you—" I mumble. I rub his back and try pulling him closer, but Tohru swats me away, positioning one leg over my dominant arm.

 _How long has he been so much stronger than me?_

"Just wait," he instructs.

 _For what...?_

After a few minutes I can tell I'm getting close, and this seems awfully anticlimactic—

When I start moving involuntarily, Tohru slows down. "Ah— _Wh_ —" I splutter, desperately grabbing at him.

"Slow down," he tells me.

I try, but…

I guess I don't stop enough, because he pinches me at the base.

"Oww— _Fuck_ —Toh—Wha—" I try speaking again.

" _Trust_ me," he orders and there isn't much else I can do. My head's buzzing from the beer and his touch and this _sucks_.

"You not gonna let—" I start, but then he's moving again, leaning down to use his mouth. " _Damm_ —"

He sits back up when I'm close again. " _Wha'the fuck—_ "

 _This is torture!_

" _Why—_ "

"One more time," Tohru tells me, rubbing my leg before pinching me again.

" _Oww—_ " I growl. " _Fuck!_ "

 _I feel so completely stopped up—_

 _It hurts!_

" _Can'take i—_ " I grit, but he interrupts me.

"Okay, go," Tohru says, sliding foreword. He yanks me so I land on top of him and fuck I still don't get the point of all that but—

"Hurry up," Tohru demands, pushing my back on my knees. "C'mon," he insists. "Or it'll be for nothing..."

I shake my head to try and clear it while he leans against me. I still feel uncomfortable—

Like I'm going to explode—

But also numb.

"Wanna see you," I groan, pushing him to turn over.

"Legs—" he yells, shoving them in my face. I hook one over my shoulder and pull the other out to the side so I can angle better.

And then I think I get it. Takes a minute for me to feel _anything_ again, but when I do, it's so, _so_ intense.

"Shit!" he yells before letting out a _loud_ moan—

 _Glad we didn't open the damn windows..._

Tohru arches up against me, finishing hard. I try to ease up, but it's difficult after all that from before.

I get less frantic, but Tohru makes an annoyed noise and forces me down to him so he can nip my collarbone. "Go on," he breathes. "I can still—" he reaches for himself and I feel reassured knowing he's not completely done.

When were both spent, I collapse on top of him. Tohru laughs and wraps his arms around me.

"Let's go wash up," he says, shaking me.

"S'like four am," I complain. "Go by yourself."

" _No._ "

"Okay," I halfheartedly poke him. "Can you wait till morning?"

"You're just gonna sleep like _this_?" Tohru questions.

"Nn."

I feel Tohru sigh. "Lemme up."

"Oh," I reply, but roll to the side. "You'll co'back?" I mumble.

"Yeah."

It's quiet as I hear him pad into the downstairs bathroom. I think I drift off, but jolt back awake when he loudly walks into the room again. My eyes feel heavy, but I watch as he slides back into his pants and grabs a blanket from behind the couch.

Tohru sits and I scoot to lie on him again. He sighs and throws the blanket over me.

"What's the plan?" Tohru quietly asks, running his fingers through my hair.

"See if we get contacted, or you make your decision." We're quiet for a minute, and it's nice laying here...

"I know you're going to take it, Tohru." I open my eyes to look at him, and see that he's studying me, too. "You do what you have to."

He pats my head and nods.

"Make sure you live without regrets," I mumble.

" _I don't want to be the one to hold you back._ "

I'm unsure if I said that in my head or not...

I'm falling asleep again.

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	56. Resume (Kazoku)

Lead-In from AO3: "There is a gap is due to incarceration, but you'll see that my references check out. In order, they are Inaba PD: Senior Detective; Tochigi Prison: Head Librarian; Owner: Tatsumi Textiles."

NOTES: It's a pun! It's "resume" and not "résumé", but the point is that it's both...

This is VERY barebones. Slightly under 500 words. I wanted to give Kanji the next chapter, so this is mostly setup.

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Resume

(Tohru)

Once Ryoutarou's asleep, I move to the table so I can open the packet.

 _Doesn't wanna hold me back, huh? Very few things hold me back._

 _And I like him needy. It was kinda adorable._

 _And it makes me feel needed._

I sigh, feeling more like myself again. Like all the adrenaline is finally gone.

I take a deep breath and open the folder, drawing out _several_ packets.

Shuffling through them, I can see that one is the actual contract, another has the facility rules, there's a list of objectives, and notes on pay. It looks like I'll be reimbursed for my time, but given "bonuses" if I can produce positive results.

There's also a letter from Yuudai. It says to include a résumé or something she can file away. And that "murderer" isn't a valid reason for a gap in employment. _Har har._

 _I don't think Ryoutarou has a computer. Does Nanako?_

 _Does anyone in this fucking town?!_

I read over all the papers, and then it's a little past six. I walk out back and call Kanji. _He might be able to help me out._

"Morning, Kanji-kun~" I sing.

"Hey, asshole," he counters. "You coming to work today?"

"Ooh," I exhale. "Fuck— _Sorry._ "

 _Dammit I meant that. He is giving me a shot..._

Kanji snorts. "That a 'no'?"

"Well," I sigh. "Ryou's sleeping. He's going in late. Can _I_ come late?"

"Why not," Kanji grumbles. "I only care cause Ted's been looking foreword to this."

"Right. Well, I can't help it..."

Kanji sighs. "I got you. Let me know when you'll be arriving."

"Oh—I, _uh_ , needed to ask for a favor," I mumble.

"You?" Kanji questions. "What could you want from _me_?"

"Do you have a computer? I need to make a résumé," I tell him.

"Yeah," Kanji says. I hear him sigh. "Sure you can borrow it. But don't go digging, alright?"

I laugh haughtily. "I don't wanna know what the fuck weird shit you've got on there!"

"Jackass," Kanji retorts. "When do you need it?"

"An hour ago," I reply. "Could you— _uhh, please_ —bring it by for me?"

"Really? Right now?"

 _Dammit. This is asking a lot..._

 _I don't want to owe him._

"I need to get this done as soon as possible. It's important..."

"Yeah, okay." Kanji grumbles, but I don't think he minds too much. "I'll be there in a bit."

"Thanks," I quietly mumble and hang up.

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	57. Kanji the Babysitter (Kazoku)

NOTES: Kanji is the best parent. That is all.

Everyone's so stressed with all that's happened in like a week and a half. Kanji finally snaps today—Between all the shit he gets from Adachi and knowing Doujima is a shitty parent as it is, he was gonna snap at some point.

I really like straightedge Kanji. I mean, he drinks sometimes, but I have him as into moderation and stuff. I have a family member who doesn't drink at ALL because they have an alcoholic parent. I think seeing alcoholism changes things for you. And his closest friend was (well he's off the wagon) an alcoholic. Probably aggravating.

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Kanji the Babysitter

(Kanji)

After the hellish car ride back to Inaba, I slept on the couch cause Teddie was in my bed.

I rise at my usual time like clockwork and exercise out back. After, I start breakfast for everyone. Ma comes in partway and sets the table.

"Should you wake them?" she asks me.

"Naah," I laugh. "Nanako's got her shit together, and I bet she'll grab Ted."

Sure enough, the two come downstairs as I'm doling out omelets. Nanako's already got her uniform on and Ted's in his PJs.

"I wish your work ethic would rub off on the lazy bear," I tell Nanako.

She giggles. "At least he's awake!"

"Hmm?" Teddie sleepily asks.

"Open your eyes, Bear!" I laugh. "Your girlfriend's running circles around you."

"Whaaa?" he loudly complains. "I can run..." He yawns and lays his head on the table.

Nanako laughs and pushes his food closer. "Aren't you hungry?"

Ted dramatically sniffs the air and tries to suck the omelet off the plate. Ma swats the back of his head. "More politely," she corrects him, trying not to laugh.

Teddie whines, but sits up and uses his chopsticks.

I'm about to sit myself when my phone rings. I groan— _It's Adachi._

 _I've had enough of him for a long time..._

"Morning, Kanji-kun~" he chimes.

"Hey, asshole," I reply, walking into the living room. "You coming to work today?"

I listen to him hem and haw and ask to use my laptop. I agree to bring it by after I eat.

 **#**

When I pull up at the Dojimas', Adachi's already sitting outside. _He looks exhausted!_

He's wearing the same clothes as yesterday and laying down on the front step. He sits up when I get out of my car, showing off the new laptop I'd saved up for.

"Kanji-kun!" he calls.

"Keep that up and I'm gonna start calling you Tohru-kun."

Adachi shrugs and holds out his hand for the computer. "Thanks," he surprisingly says when I pass it to him.

"We have a printer, if you need it," I offer. "And..."

"What?" Adachi asks, staring at me.

"Uhh, I can give you a ride if you wanna come over now. I don't mind."

He narrows his eyes, like he thinks I'm trying to trick him. "I can wait for Ryou."

" _Jeez_ ," I sigh. "I'm just trying to be nice. I even made omelets."

"Really?" Adachi asks, perking up.

I nod. "Yeah... I mean—If we're gonna be working together, we should get along better."

"So _that's_ what you'd get out of it," he replies like a jackass. "I haven't even changed or showered. I'd need to wake up Ryou..."

"You ain't five, go take a shower and I'll wait. Let Ojisan sleep." I fold my arms behind my head and start for the door.

Adachi gives me a real nasty look. "You think you know _everything, don't you_ , brat?"

"What?" I shoot back. "I say somethin' funny? You don't have to be around him twenty-four-seven—Don't jump down my throat!" I step closer to Adachi and glare right back.

He face gets all angry and we're toe-to-toe. "That's why I hate you kids—" he spits. "You're goddamn know-it-alls! Think you fucking know me better than _I_ do—"

"Then why don't you explain yourself? You don't tell anybody _anything_! It seems stupid that you can't go change on your own, unless something upstairs is gonna kill you—Like with Ryota. If not, I don't see the frigging problem."

"Of _course_ not!" Adachi spits in that taunting tone he has. " _Because you haven't been to fucking prison!_ "

"O-oh," I backpedal, feeling somewhat shitty.

"Yeah," Adachi snorts. "Got nothing to say _now_ , do you?!"

 _For the first time, when I think about how twitchy and nervous Adachi always is, I wonder what made him like that. He's always on the attack._

 _Is it cause that's his defense?_

" _Don't you look at me like that!_ " Adachi hisses, stomping towards me.

"Yah!" I yelp, almost tripping over my feet to back up.

When I regain my balance, he's right in front of me, glaring up like he wants to kill me. "I don't want your fucking _pity_ , Kanji! Man up and get over it or get out of my sight!" he hollers.

And _that's_ when I remember we're outside. In the front yard, probably attracting attention.

"Okay, okay!" I tell Loudmouth. "Let's go in. I'm sorry."

" _Better fucking be,_ " Adachi mutters, opening the door. Then he curses, stopping short in the entranceway and I smack into him. I sigh and start to take off my sneakers.

"No," Adachi tells me. "Go back outside," he groans. "Unless you wanna hear Ryou bitching—He's going to be super hungover and he's sleeping down here."

I roll my eyes, annoyed. "How much did he drink?"

"More than he freaking should've," Adachi admits, looking guilty as hell. "Most of a six-pack in less than an hour. No dinner."

"Should I yell at 'im?" I ask.

Adachi laughs. " _That's_ brave..."

He lets me push past him—

One of the few things we can agree on is that _Dojima shouldn't be drinking_.

The living room is a frigging mess. It smells like spilt beer and cans litter the floor. Dojima is passed out on the couch.

I snap the curtain open and hear him groan.

"Get the fuck up," I calmly say. _Once._

He covers his head with the blanket like a kid. I sigh and rip it off.

 _That_ wakes him up—

And surprises the hell outta me!

" _Oh what the fuck Adachi—He's naked!_ " I roar.

"God, kid!" Dojima moans. " _Shut up!_ " he cries, groaning and rolling onto the floor. "Oww! _Goddammit!_ "

I don't know which one I'm more pissed at now.

"You two are such a fucking mess!" I scream, throwing the blanket at Dojima and then stalking over to the table. I sit and try to calm down enough that I can talk to them like adults— _Even though they act like they aren't._

"Fuck, _you two_..." is all I can get out. "Were you even telling the truth before, Adachi?" I ask.

He pales. "Th-that's between you and I—"

 _Looks like he was._

I sigh. _This his way of getting back at me?_

It _was_ insensitive.

I shake my head and rest it on my hand. "Okay. Act like frigging adults," I start. "Go get ready for work and then we're all leaving."

"I can't go to work like this," Dojima complains, already with the blanket back over his face.

" _Yeah,_ " I yell at him. "How you like being hungover?"

He grumbles and lays back on the floor.

"Go get ready for work or I'll frigging snap." I tell them. "Don't make me come over there!"

Dojima makes a lot of angry noises, but stands up. Adachi looks like he's going to laugh until Dojima shoots him a knowing look—A look that says he _knows_ Adachi turned him in to me.

After I saw him drink that night he vented about Adachi, the two of us talked about his drinking. Actually, I talked to Dojima the next day cause I was uncomfortable about it. Then I ended up talking to Adachi separately. Adachi told me he didn't care for it, either.

I'm a little calmer, so I try to say something meaningful. "Dojima, you gotta find better ways to deal with your problems. Maybe invest in that therapy. Or AA or something."

"AA's free," Adachi adds. "But in a town like this, no one's an 'anonymous'."

I sigh, smacking the table. "And the _real_ issue ain't even that you were drinking and whatever," I start. "But what if the first one to get back was _Nanako_? This is a fucking disaster for a kid to walk in on. _Shape up._ "

Adachi's face twists up like he's sorry, and I think Dojima will be once he's back to himself. _Good. Let them feel shitty._

 _I can't parent everybody in this stupid town._

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	58. Role Reversal (Kazoku)

NOTES: Kanji calls them a "trash fire", an homage to my favorite comment about dumpster fires. When you think about it, this is probably the worst train wreck of a relationship Kanji's ever seen.

If you've noticed, I've downgraded "super whiny" to "kind of whiny" in the description. Doujima's got real gripes. I hadn't entirely considered. He's got a bit of a complex about how people talk shit about the two of them. But he doesn't snap until Adachi's next chapter... (It's Sixteen.)

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Role Reversal

(Tohru)

After Kanji's done yelling, I walk over to Ryoutarou and pull him to his feet. "C'mon, Drunky."

He grunts and stands with some effort. I sling his arm over my shoulder like I used to, and drag him up the stairs. I sit him on the stool in the bathroom.

"Don't go back to sleep," I instruct, leaving to get clothes.

When I come back, of course he's dragged the stool to the wall and is leaning against it, sleeping again. I sigh and kick his shin.

"Rise and shine, idiot."

"Nghhh!"

"You want me to get the ogre in here?" I threaten.

Ryoutarou sighs and opens his eyes. "Alright," he softly says, standing up to drag the stool back where it belongs.

I nod approvingly and turn on the shower. I wash myself and mostly just spray him down. I scrub his hair, and he's not really moving.

 _Still pretty catatonic. But he's gone to work in worse shape._

I lead Ryoutarou back to the sink and point to his clothes. "C'mon. You gotta help me with this part. You can't half-ass putting on clothes."

Waking up a little, he gets into his clothes. "Thanks," Ryoutarou mumbles to me, tying and retying his tie five times before I take it away.

"What _else_ would I do?" I shrug. I knot his tie on myself, then slip it off and pass it back. "You wouldn't leave _me_ like that."

"You know where my sunglasses are?"

"Yeah," I reply. "Hang on..."

I walk down to the bedroom and retrieve what we all call Ryoutarou's "Hangover Glasses" behind his back. They're old aviators with big lenses that he'll probably wear all day— _Indoors._ I walk back and hand them over, then we head downstairs.

"So the Hangover Glasses make an appearance," Kanji quips. _Literally. Everyone._

I think Ryoutarou's glaring, but it's hard to tell through the tint. "I'm still going in late," he proclaims, walking off.

"Don't care. You got up!" Kanji yells after him. He stands and looks around. "I picked up the trash. You two want to come over? I can make more food."

I nod quickly. _I'm not in a cooking mood and I seriously doubt Ryoutarou is going to do much of anything but sleep if left to his own devices._

Kanji grabs his laptop and I pick up Ryoutarou's bag. I find him taking some pills in the bathroom and tell him we're all going.

"Adachi get your stupid bracelet," Kanji reminds me.

I look down— _I forgot it was off._

I groan and locate it, putting it on and locking it myself. When I think we're good, I grab Ryoutarou's hand and start for the door.

"Wait—" he says, grabbing the new thermos off the top of the shoe cabinet.

 _He did like it!_

I have to smile to myself. "Can we stop for coffee?" I ask Kanji.

The kid snorts. "He's gonna need it."

 **#**

This is the first time I've been into town since I've been back to Inaba. It's early and I don't think Ryoutarou's in any state of mind to make good judgments, so of course he makes me walk him into the only coffee shop.

I've got a hat and sunglasses on—for the eyes—but I bet everyone will know who I am. _If I'm going to get out of house arrest or work in Kanji's store, then they'll find out soon enough. I shouldn't care._

It doesn't help that Hungover-Ryoutarou's _totally_ okay openly holding my hand. He's walking a little unsteadily and grumbling.

 _The only person I've ever seen him give positive physical contact to is me... If they don't know who I am, then I'll still be the talk of the town anyhow for dragging Ryoutarou into a coffee shop looking like he was hit by a freaking truck._

 _He's strangely fucking popular for someone so completely unfriendly._

When we step up to the counter, I hear the kid behind it gasp. _That was quick._

Two old women at a nearby table turn to stare at us when the kid stumbles over asking me what we want. I silently pass the thermos and Ryoutarou hands over a few coins before turning to me.

"Large green tea," I add. "And one of the cookies."

Ryoutarou fishes for more money and I pick everything up. I can hear the bastards at the tables whispering as we walk back to the car.

"Was that your first trip?" Kanji stupidly questions me.

And if I could see Ryoutarou's face, I'm willing to bet he's blanching. "It... It _was_..." He turns around in the front seat to asses how I'm feeling.

I shrug. "You weren't gonna make it on your own."

"Jackass," he mutters, before slapping my leg. "Are you alright?"

" _I'm fine._ Turn around, _Drunk_ ," I retort.

 _Don't give me that shit._

Ryoutarou sighs and faces forward again. Kanji shakes his head at our exchange.

Soon we're pulling into his driveway from the back—There isn't really a front because that's where the store is. "Everybody out," he orders. "End of the line."

We file into his house and I see a sloppy banner hanging above the kitchen door. "Happy Work Tohru" is what it says.

 _Teddie..._

Ryoutarou laughs like an idiot. "Have a happy work," he sweetly tells me, complete with a shit-eating grin. Then he makes his way to the living room and collapses on their couch. He doesn't even bother taking off the sunglasses or his rumpled jacket.

I hurl his bag at him and he makes a strangled noise when it strikes home. " _Fuck you!_ " I shout. " _You_ go to work!" Instead of listening, he shoves his bag to the floor and rolls over to face the wall.

"Both of you cut it out!" Kanji interjects. "I don't want this bullshit around Ted or my Ma!"

I sit down at the table, looking forward to the free food. "Can I have my omelet if I shut up?" I ask.

"He can't shut up to save his life," Ryoutarou grumbles.

I make a lip-zipping gesture and Kanji tries not to crack up. "What do you want in it?" he asks me.

I jump up and rummage through the fridge, pulling out onions and cheese. I hand them to the still-amused Kanji and he gets to work.

"I want _not_ an omelet," Ryoutarou jeers, still mad at everyone.

"You'll eat what I give you," Kanji shoots back. "You wanna feel better or not?" He's given another grumble and then Ryoutarou's quiet again.

"So what do you want me to do in the store?" I ask Kanji.

The kid curses and runs into the other room for a minute and I'm worried my food will burn. He's back quickly though, telling me he forgot to flick my receiver on. "Just fold stuff, I guess." Kanji shrugs. "I've already got more help than I need, honestly. As long as you don't fight with Ted, I'll be happy."

"I'll try," I grudgingly reply. "Depends how good your food is. And what you order for lunch."

"I cook most days," he tells me. "It's cheaper."

I nod. "Okay." He finally sets the eggs in front me and I dig in. _It's surprisingly good. The kid really can cook!_

"Don't make a face like that!" Kanji bitches. "I've always been able to cook!"

" _G'morning!_ " we all flinch as Teddie runs in from the store whooping.

Ryoutarou moans. "Shut up."

Teddie stops short and stares at the older man. "Dojima-sannnn! What's wrong?"

I catch Kanji chuckling and I have to laugh, too.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Ryoutarou quips. "Just be quiet."

Teddie turns to us, heartbroken. He droops and tramps into the kitchen. "We were getting along so well..."

"He's sick in the head," I confide in the boy, tapping my noggin.

"Says the mentally ill—" I glare and Kanji cuts himself off, flipping a second omelet. "He's sick cause he drank too much. That's why we don't drink."

"The punk's a teetotaler!" I laugh.

Ryoutarou's talking again—"He drinks with me sometimes."

"Is there another way to connect with you?" I mutter. He's silent so I don't think he's heard me.

"Are you gonna learn how to make fabric too?" Teddie asks, sitting next to me.

I shrug. "Dunno. Whatever Kanji wants me to do," I tell him around a mouthful of egg. "Oh." I point to makeshift banner. "Thanks," I amiably try.

"You like it?!" Teddie gushes. "I have a surprise for later!"

I see Kanji smile like a proud parent as he sets the second dish on the table. Then he frowns. "Mess Number Two! Get your ass over here." Ryoutarou trudges to the table with the rest of us.

"Heh," Kanji folds his arms. "And the Awkward Squad is complete."

"The fuck is that?" I growl.

"You two," Kanji pointedly replies. "I don't know if you'd be any better off going your separate ways, but together you're such a frigging trash fire." He shakes his head and snorts derisively.

"Goddammit, kid!" Ryoutarou smacks the table and winces. "You're really an ass today."

Teddie looks between us and beams. "I think they should stay together forever! They're so much happier when they're with each other. They're _best_ friends!"

"We're more than that," I grumble, shoving away my dish. _Does the kid even know?_ "Do you know _what_ makes us more than that?" I grin.

Ryoutarou glowers at me, but directs his next statement to both Kanji and I. "If he doesn't know, then _nobody fucking tell him_. He's seeing Nanako."

After an uncomfortable silence with the little one glancing between the three of us, Kanji clears his throats. "Teddie, why don't you go help Ma while I square this away?" The boy nods and runs back to the store. "Dojima, you need to put food into your stomach. Then I'll drive you to work." The man in question grimaces and tries to shove down his bland eggs. "Adachi I'm just calling you Tohru. How much are you gonna yell?"

"I _really_ don't care right now," I sigh. "Just gimme your computer so I can get this done."

"Get what done?" Ryoutarou questions.

Kanji looks between us, his face asking if he should take off. I wave him away. _Ryoutarou already basically told me to seize the opportunity._

"I need a résumé for the job. I'm taking it. You can read the files when you're able to take off your sunglasses," I quip.

"Nnn. I see," is all he says.

I nudge him with my foot. "Don't worry. We can talk before I make an official decision, but I needed to borrow a computer. You don't have one, do you?"

Ryoutarou shakes his head. "You can come to the station with me, if you want."

Kanji and I shoot incredulous looks at each other. "He really think that's a good idea?" the kid asks me.

"There isn't much going on up there right now," I remark, gently poking Ryoutarou's head. He smacks my hand away.

"You can use Ryuuji's."

I keep kicking him, swinging my legs. "Just using his first name isn't gonna convince me that he'd be okay with that."

"Thought you wanted him to work here, Ojisan," Kanji interjects. "You go to your job and let him do his. Come back later—You two could use some apart time."

Ryoutarou sighs and finishes his food. "Alright. Let's go..." He collects his things while Kanji shows me how to use his laptop.

"I'll be making deliveries after," Kanji tells me. "So go find Ted and Ma when you're done. The printer's in my room, you know where it is?"

"No."

He gives me directions before heading to pack the car. I add the obvious headers to the document. _I'll have to think about where to start. I've had two jobs—This makes three. That's not gonna fill a whole page..._

 _Thirty-two is too old to add stuff from college. When did I hit thirty?_

 _In prison._

I sigh lean back in my chair. _My own fault._

Ryoutarou walks back over to me, carrying his bag and thermos. "You're a mess," I grin at him.

"Shut up, Tohru," he sighs. "It's all too much sometimes."

 _I suppose drinking's better than the way I snapped._

"At least you've got _me_ around to take care of you, old man," I straighten, smirking now.

"Don't be smug," he tells me. "It's not attractive."

 _Kind of hard when I told you not to drink and now you feel ill._ I laugh to myself, and I bet he's rolling his eyes—Knows what I'm thinking.

Ryoutarou bends down and hugs me. "Love you," he mumbles almost inaudibly.

"I'll be here, don't worry," I reply, leaning into the hug. When I look up to smile at him, he kisses me. Then he raises his thermos as he walks out the door.

And then _I_ get busy writing up something resembling a résumé.

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	59. Playing Detective (Kazoku)

NOTES: I have a note on Ryota in a future chapter, but quick—I modeled him to be similar to Ryoutarou, except more together and more settled. But unsure of himself cause he's new to the Non-TV-World. Eeh. Just check it out, I guess... (Also I wanted him to look pretty funny and out-of-place. Think those sunglasses you see cyclists wearing!)

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Playing Detective

(Yukiko)

My day begins easy, and I think I won't have any worries—Until Ryota shows up.

A receptionist tells me that I have a visitor, so I make my way to the front desk. Taller-Dojima is dressed casually, complete with a baseball cap and sporty sunglasses. I can tell it's him from far enough away that I get out all the laughter before approaching.

 _Jeans and a tee-shirt. Not a Dojima look! And the glasses are just too much!_

 _At least no one will recognize him._

I step up to the desk and greet him. "Hello, Ryota."

"Yukiko," he nods, shifting uneasily. The workers behind the front desk look on curiously, so I suggest we take a walk.

"What can I do for you? I didn't expect to see you again so soon," I say, leading us outside.

Ryota sighs. "I want to learn more about this world and the other shadows, but Ryou and Adachi asked me not to go into town."

"And this is technically outside of town, right?" I query, catching on.

The man nods.

"Well how can I help?" I ask.

"I want to talk to..." he trails off, shaking his head. " _Everyone_ , really. I've been seeing you all on-and-off for so long that it's almost like meeting celebrities."

I giggle at that. "Really?"

"Yes," he seriously replies. "I want to figure out why Ryou and I are different—He seems as though he's still a bit of a mess. We started off the same, but I'm more..." He shakes his head and I try not to laugh again. "Right?" He raises his eyebrows.

I nod a few times before speaking, to kill the chuckle in my throat. "Mmm," I hum. "Kind of. You were a part of Dojima-san, but I don't believe you were ever the _same_. You seem more like how he wished he could be," I confide. " _Or_ how people wanted to see him. More on the straight-and-narrow, and able to get on with your life."

Ryota nods again, taking that in. "Thank you," he tells me. "That's already helpful... I'm here now, and I want to learn how to get along in this place. Inaba feels like my home, too."

I stop walking for a beat, thinking through how I want to phrase this. "I don't know if you could live in Inaba, but maybe one off the surrounding towns?" I suggest, picking up my pace.

"I know," the man sighs. "We look too much alike and it would raise more suspicions. It wouldn't be fair to Ryou. _But_ —" he holds up his index finger, frowning. "I don't want to be an outcast—or cast out—for something I can't help. I should get to meet everyone, too." He draws his brows together—not quite a frown—but a serious, almost sad expression decorates his features.

"So you're sneaking around during working hours?" I grin, attempting to pick up the mood. "When the others won't know?"

"Something like that," he grumpily admits. "Aside from seeing everyone through the TV sometimes, I have so many memories of all of you. I want to know what you're really like."

"I see."

He laughs nervously. "And your inn is the most removed from the center of town, so I started here."

I nod and lead us back in through a side door, but stop short when I hear an older woman yelling at someone angrily. I stick my arm out to stop Ryota, realizing it's Dojima-sama.

His eyes go wide and he gasps. " _She's_ here?!"

I nod and grab his arm to lead us back outside.

"That bitch—" he mutters, looking like he's going to charge down the hall.

"Not at _my_ Inn!" I scold, and drag him back the way we came. Outside, he still looks upset. I drop his arm and we start back for the front. "Sorry, but the last thing I need is more bad press. Especially if anyone were to find out where you come from."

Ryota has a pained look on his face, but he nods understandingly nonetheless. We renter through the front door, and I'm asking Ryota if he'd like some tea, when we hear Dojima yelling again.

I groan and we duck into an office. Through the window, Ryota watches her and some guy argue as they stalk past. _Well, it's more like she's yelling and he's attempting to get her to reconsider something, but how else does anyone argue with a Dojima?_

"Who's that?" Ryota asks me.

"I don't know... He also got a room; came in this morning. But I don't remember his name. Want me to look it up?"

"Yes please," Ryota nods. "I'm getting a funny feeling from him."

"Mm. That computer there will have a log," I tell him, sitting down at a desk. I open the registry and sort by most recently checked-in. _It's a Wednesday, so there weren't many new guests._

"I think he's this one," I point at the screen. Ryota looks over my shoulder at the name.

He squints to see better and reads it aloud: "'Ito Hiroyuki'."

"Ring any bells?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "None. I don't believe I know him."

"Oh."

"Haah," Ryota sighs. "Can I walk past him again, if I promise not to talk to them?"

I consider it for a minute before agreeing. _I think I can trust him. Dojima is pretty trustworthy..._

"Mmn. Go ahead—Then report back to me!" I order jokingly.

"Roger that," Ryota somberly salutes and slips out of the office.

I watch through the widow as he circles the lobby suspiciously a few times before asking the man at the desk something. By the direction he's pointed in, it's safe to assume he's asked for the restroom.

He ignores where he's been pointed and heads right back to the office. _That's not obvious..._

" _Very_ inconspicuous," I sarcastically tell him, folding my arms. "I thought you were a detective?"

"In _theory_ ," Ryota reasons. He smiles guiltily and I roll my eyes. "But something's weird about Ito. I don't like him." He grunts and nods, looking sure of himself.

"So what do we do?" I ask.

He scratches his arm and sighs, his gaze sliding away uneasily. "There isn't much _I_ can do. You should tell the others."

"Oh- _kay_?" I ask, confused. "Do you want to get to know us or not?" He raises his eyes to meet mine; conflicted. "Because that sounds like great information. It's a good excuse for everyone to give you a chance."

"Really?" he brightens.

"Mm-hmm!" I nod. "Do you have a phone?"

Ryota reaches into his pocket and produces an iPhone.

"Woah!" I gasp. "Do you even know what that is?!"

He makes a face. "Marie gave it to me."

I can't help laughing a little. "It's not a phone I'd expect Dojima to have."

Ryota sighs. "I'm _not_ Ryou." He frowns, then wakes the cell up. "But this _is_ confusing," he murmurs.

Ryota unlocks it, his big fingers pressing a wrong part of the screen the first time. "There are no _buttons_... I only have Ryou's number—Marie told me I should get the rest myself."

"Here, let me see," I order, holding out my hand. I make the icons bigger for him and demonstrate how to add numbers. I input my own, Kanji's, and Teddie's.

"Do..." Ryota hesitates. I nod encouragingly. "Do you have stupid Adachi's number? I didn't want to sound dumb, so I told him I saved it, but I didn't know how."

I crack up. "I can totally see that!"

Ryota's expression changes to pained.

"Sorry..." I automatically apologize— _Trained in customer-service my whole life.._

"No," he waves me off. "Just—Please hold your opinions until you get to know me. I'm different."

 _Ah..._

"Okay!" I easily reply, patting him on the arm. "I'll do my best."

"Thank you," he replies, relieved. "Do you know it?"

"Ooh—Stupid Adachi's number," I remember, wrinkling my face. He waits hopefully, holding out the smartphone. "No; sorry. I'd rather _not_ have his number." Ryota nods understandingly. "But try Kanji. I bet he'd help you out."

"Thanks," Ryota smiles.

I walk back to the door and peek out. _Looks like the third Dojima's gone._

"This has raised more questions for me than you've answered, but I need to get back to work," I sigh.

"Of course," Ryota replies. He follows me to the front where I see him off.

"Come back sometime, but please let me know first," I call as he heads down the road. Ryota holds up a hand and waves as he walks away.

When he's out of sight, I immediately text Kanji, filling him in. _He'd probably like a heads-up in case Ryota heads straight there—I wouldn't put it past him._

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	60. Springing the Trap (Kazoku)

NOTES: I've been doing thinking—It's gotta be hard to be a shadow with memories. Ryota has all this stuff he just feels automatically, but he didn't actually live through. Weiiiiird. Difficult!

Another thing I wanted to mention is that no matter the story or scenarios, this ship is always based on poor decisions. It's kinda tragic, but no matter the angle, I usually end up deciding that their whole relationship is based on bad decision upon bad decision. :( And in Mukidashite it's gonna catch up with them soon.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Spring the Trap

(Ryoutarou)

"Migraine...?" Sakamoto questions.

"No," I level.

"Mm-hmm." He narrows his eyes and grabs my arm; practically dragging me into his office. He closes the door and takes a seat. "What happened?"

I throw up my arms and collapse into one of the chairs facing his desk. "It was a clusterfuck. Which piece of shit idea do you want to know first?"

"Start with why Adachi's name has been removed from the list of people serving home confinement sentences."

" _Already?_ " I gasp, raising my eyebrows.

Sakamoto rolls his eyes. "By your response, you must know _something_."

"Y-yeah," I nod, shifting uncomfortably. "He was given a deal, but he hasn't accepted yet—He told me he needs to get some paperwork together before they'll even take him." I pause, rubbing my temples. " _When_ was his name taken off the list?"

"Yesterday evening."

"Hnn," I groan. "When we were driving home then, I suspect... So he's free?"

Sakamoto angrily drums his fingers. " _I suppose so._ I'll need you to return the trackers tomorrow. Has he been out and about at all?"

I must look guilty because Sakamoto smacks his desk pretty hard. "I've heard a rumor going around that you and some guy were conspicuously holding hands in the cafe this morning. And the guy was wearing something that looked a lot like the aforementioned arrest tracker."

" _Ohh fuck_ ," is all I manage, groaning. "We stopped for coffee. I was taking him to his current job—"

"No, no!" Sakamoto animatedly sighs. "That was technically _legal_. I'm more interested in whether he's going to start just popping up. I'd have liked some forewarning."

I nod. "Alright. Yes. If he can then I bet he will. Hell, _I'd_ like it if we could go back to normal."

Sakamoto sighs again and rubs a hand over his face. "Ryou—" he starts, frowning as he considers which lecture he's going to ration.

" _Friend_ ," he pleads. "There is _no normal_ for that one. He's screwed up too much. We'll do what's within our legal powers to keep the peace, but this won't be easy. I keep telling you, but it looks like you're just going to wait and see for yourself."

"Someone here say something?!" I question, aggravated that he won't let it drop.

" _Yes_."

" _Who?_ " I demand, narrowing my gaze.

Sakamoto shakes his head. "More than one. As your boss I'm not telling you who said what." He gives me a sad look. "As your friend, I'm warning you to watch your back."

"Alright. Thank you, Ryuuji." I fold my hands and can't help a wry smile. "Tell Sakamoto he's an asshole and needs to tell them to shut their traps."

"Noted. Anything else you wanna fill me in on?"

"She's here," I tell him, sighing.

Sakamoto looks up sharply. " _Who's_ here?" he heavily exhales.

"Miss Naichou herself."

" _Great_."

" _Super_ , right?"

We're silent for a minute, both trying not to scream.

"If she screws my station," Sakamoto leans forward to warn me. "I will demote you to under Yamamura. We clear?"

"Yes, _Chief_."

"Good," he replies. "You're still on the clock, but go fix this. Get me the trackers and figure out what the hell is going on with Adachi and Naichou. It's sort of police business and there isn't anything else going on," he snorts.

I stand and he tells me to give the rest of my half-finished files to Yamamura. "He needs something to do—I don't like this," Sakamoto confides when I reach the door. "Crime's down, but something isn't right."

"What're you thinking?" I nervously ask.

"I'm thinking we get any government the hell out of here before the shit hits the fan." Sakamoto folds his hands and shakes his head. "Then we try to clean it up ourselves.

"Agreed."

"Ryou." Sakamoto looks me in the eye. "My career won't survive another 'Adachi'. You know what I mean?"

"Yes," I reply. "I'll see what I can figure out."

"This stays between us."

"Always." I wave behind myself as I step into the hall.

I make the short walk to my shared office and find Yamamura at his desk. I lean against the door and sigh.

The kid jumps. "Good morning, Dojima-san!" he practically yells.

"At ease," I snort. I walk over to him and empty my files on his desk. "These are done," I gesture. "The rest only need a few details added."

"Yes," he nods. "Sakamoto-sama asked me to take care of it. You're going on a new case?"

I chuckle. "Something like that. 'The case of why the moron goes free.'" I laugh despite the fact that this is probably a bad sign.

Yamamura gives me a confused look. "What're you talking about?" he questions.

I breathe heavily. "We're going to trust each other?" I ask him. "You've already forced yourself into the loop."

He nods quickly when I glare; clearly not giving it any thought and just looking to make me happy. I sigh. "You already know about Tohru. Well, he's been officially released."

Yamamura looks shocked. I sip my coffee slowly; watching him carefully and wondering if there's any chance he's connected.

"Anyone from Naichou contact you?" I interrogate.

"No, sir. Why would they?" he responds seriously, shaking his head.

"Just a gut feeling," I cautiously reply. "If they do, please let Sakamoto or I know."

He nods again. I dump everything else I don't need at my desk, and notice that Yamamura's still watching me.

"Got something on your mind?" I scathingly quip.

"Is the guy from the coffee shop Adachi?" he haltingly asks.

"Is that any of your damn business?" I shoot back.

Yamamura quickly shakes his head. "N-no! Of course not—Sorry."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Yes," I tell him. "That was Tohru. I was feeling... _Sick_. So I asked him to come in with me."

"Oh," Yamamura replies. "A bunch of the guys were asking me if I knew who he was." He shrugs, looking away. "I said I didn't."

I raise my eyebrows. _Hope he's telling the truth._

"Thank you," I try.

I'm surprised when Yamamura smiles, looking happy at my small gratitude. "Yeah! No problem. I hope we can get along better..."

"Me, too," I agree, gathering anything that could be useful. "Alright. I have to go. Let me know if you need anything for those reports."

Yamamura nods, looking a little less stressed. "Bye," he says as I walk out the door.

I decide to make the worst leg of the trip first, and walk head straight home. _The trip might wake me up more—Need to be sharp right now._

 _I can grab the tracker and equipment, and stuff it all in the car. Then I'll grab Tohru and we'll hammer out the details for the 'job'. If they'll really let him go like that, he'd better do it._

 _We're going to have to pore over that folder until our eyes bleed..._

Sipping my coffee, I run through all the things we should watch out for— _Built-in traps in the contract. Needing to give names of other persona-users. People I don't want to see. That kind of shit._

When I'm on my street, I notice a man sitting on my doorstep. _Not Tohru or Kanji._

I slow my pace, until he waves to me.

 _Great._

 _It's Ryota._

I try that thing where we spoke in our heads, but nothing happens. I give it another shot, but no dice.

"That won't work out here," Ryota laughs as I draw closer. "It has to do with navigation—Marie told me."

I sigh and hold up my hand instead. "Why're you here?" I question.

"I left you two voicemail," he tells me, folding his arms. "It's _important_."

"Oh yeah?" I narrow my eyes and push past him to unlock the door. "What is it then?"

"I did some fieldwork," he starts, frowning defensively.

I nod for him to go on and let him inside. But when he steps through the door, it's as though Ryota has completely forgotten he was mid-sentence. He just runs around, looking at everything like he's checking to make sure it's real.

I loudly clear my throat and he returns to the entranceway, kicking off his sneakers and sliding into my sandals out of habit. I sigh when he realizes and steps back out.

"Go ahead," I tell him, pinching the bridge of my nose. _How can I say no when he's got the same memories of this house?_

I enter in just my socks while Ryota looks like a kid at an amusement park. When he starts to open cabinets, I push him aside and start the coffee myself.

"What did you need to tell me?" I ask.

"Your mother's aide is suspicious. He reminds me of Teddie and myself— _And_ Adachi." He chooses Chisato's mug from the shelf and I let him. "Whose...?" he pauses, pointing at the addition.

I let a small smile escape me. "Teddie. He and Nanako like each other—A lot. I can tell."

Ryota nods knowingly. "I see. I figured as much. They're..." He pauses to examine the new, pale blue mug more closely. "They're cute."

"Mm," I agree.

"The aide—" he rushes to continue, coughing like I do when I'm embarrassed. "I'm nearly positive it's a man named Ito Hiroyuki—"

I hold up my hand, taking an unconscious step towards him. "Wait. _What?!_ "

The coffeemaker beeps and Ryota pours it for us, passing me my own mug. "Yes," he affirms. "Do you know ho he is?"

"Sort of—But that's _odd_."

Ryota raises an eyebrow. "Why?"

"That's the name of Tohru's parole officer..."

"Really?" Ryota frowns. "But—"

I shake my head— _It's all starting to come together._

"This was _planned_ ," I tell Ryota. "He never had a choice about taking the job."

"Doesn't look like it."

We sip our coffee quietly; processing. "He was cleared last night. While we were on our way back."

"They knew he'd comply," Ryota agrees.

"She made some comment about liking Tohru better, and I remember thinking to myself that was the moment I knew he'd take it. Apparently Naichou agreed enough to prematurely clear his name."

"Of course _she'd_ like him better," Ryota fumes.

I grin guiltily.

"Figures," He spits, playing with his mug.

"So next..." I sigh, trying to move this along.

I let Ryota take our empty mugs and wash them. "Well you clearly have to see what happens if he turns it down."

" _Clearly_."

Ryota turns away from the sink and wipes his hands on his tee-shirt. "Always call the bluff."

"Took the words right out of my mouth." I text Sakamoto, vaguely thanking him. _He'll know._

Then I pack up the tracker and grab Tohru a snack. I look over at Ryota, who's studying the numerous photographs that now sit on the mantle. That year that Yuu was here, we brought back the family shot from Samegawa, and added one with him.

Since then, I've added one of myself and Tohru from before. We're sitting the on the couch, looking unusually happy. I've got my arm around Tohru and I'm grinning smugly at him while he's yelling and pointing for me to pay attention to the camera.

Nanako framed a nice shot of us with Kanji and Teddie from a festival, maybe two years ago. We're all in yukata and jinbei. She's holding a water balloon and Teddie has an armful of snacks. Kanji and I are mugging jokingly, with our arms folded in contrast to the happy kids.

Then there are a few she finds funny: such as Kanji and I working out, Teddie mimicking a dog, and her and Tohru drawing on the patio with chalk. _I used to hate having memories like these around, but the more people that come into our lives, the more I realize that the memories are important. They can be happy, even if the people in them aren't with you._

Ryota catches my staring and rubs the back of his neck, sighing. "They're nice."

"Mm," I nod. "I'm glad we added so many. It was time to move on."

"Hnn," Ryota sighs. "I've probably got to move on, too. It's hard—I have all these memories of everyone and all that happened. I'm stuck with your stunted emotions from when you were thrown into the TV all those years ago."

He quietly walks over to the window and stares at the backyard. "But they're not mine. I need to figure out how to live my own life. It—It's just _difficult_ because I have all these _feelings_ about everything that I shouldn't—"

"No," I shake my head. "It isn't that you _shouldn't_ , but that you should decide for yourself."

"I agree."

I smile sadly at him and he returns the gesture, almost like a funhouse mirror. "Come on. We need to tell Tohru what's going on."

Ryota's eyes widen in surprise. "I can come?"

"Yeah," I tell him. "You really helped me out—Made it easier to connect the pieces. Just don't fight with him."

"Nnn—He makes it so hard _not_ to fight with him!"

"I know," I laugh, ushering my double into the garage.

* * *

Re-Edited 8/6/17


	61. Repercussions (Kazoku)

NOTES: I really like how Ryota grates on Tohru! So far, at least.

Quick rant: I realized I've now gone entirely to writing "Doujima" with "ou" when not in-chapter. The way the Persona translators change names when they come over bugs me SO MUCH. I can't stand the way that some stay the same and others are so different. Tohru is really "Tooru". But I felt like there were only so many changes readers would tolerate, so I only pitched a fit with the spelling of "Ryoutarou". The pronunciation of his whole name is different when you can see where the emphasis goes.

Just... It feels as though they didn't follow any sort of rules with the translations. "Kou" stayed the same. "Yuu" became "Yu"... And "Morooka" (which actually stayed the same) was pronounced "Moruuka" in English, which KILLED ME. Lastly, "Taro" Namatame is also "Tarou"—And a LOT of guys have "rou" in their names in here (Morooka is "KinshiROU" too)! Is it a local thing? Lol.

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Repercussions

(Tohru)

When I'm done writing, Teddie catches me peeking cautiously into the back room of the store. He waves excitedly while I knit my eyebrows together.

"Come over here!" he calls to me. "I'll show you how to wind the yarn~"

" _Spin_ ," I hear Tatsumi correct from the main store.

 _And I have to admit, she makes me nervous. She seems very serious and she knows exactly who I am._

"M-maybe I should just—" I start, but am cut off by Tatsumi entering through the curtain.

She narrows her eyes at me. "Kanji told me you're to work. Are you a freeloader?"

"N-n-no!" I protest, stepping into the room. Teddie beams while he aggressively cranks a handle that's making the strand of yarn "spin" together.

"I didn't think Dojima-kun _tolerated_ freeloaders," she smirks.

I jolt, forgetting she insulted me and instead reacting to the more interesting part of that sentence. "I have _never_ heard someone call him 'kun' before!"

"Well you never took the time to get to know _me_ ," she replies folding her arms—As if she can read my mind. _Also disconcerting._

Tatsumi waves me over. "Come here, boy, and watch what he's doing. It's very simple."

"But I'm really good~" Teddie proclaims. "Right, Kaasan?" He looks up at _Kanji's_ mom so adoringly I want to puke.

 _If he's this needy all day I'll snap him in half. That is not an okay way to act—_

 _Especially now that everyone knows he's me. He's too fucking eager-to-please._

"Stop it with that constipated look," Tatsumi barks.

I glance up, surprised. She's staring at where my hand is unconsciously yanking at my hair. I forcibly replace it at my side.

Teddie is flicking his gaze between us, looking worried. "C'mon, Tohru!" he whines at me. "Kaasan is great~ Let her teach you, too!"

I sigh and walk forward. Tatsumi nods approvingly while Teddie explains what he's doing with all the fibers.

When the bell chimes, signaling a customer, Teddie immediately leaves his work and dashes out front to greet them. Tatsumi motions for me to sit at the table with her.

"It's okay to spend a _little_ time getting to know each other first," she tells me, smiling slightly.

I bob my head and take a seat.

"Kanji asked me to keep an open mind," she lets me know.

"Ryoutarou asked the same of _me_ ," I retort.

"I've never heard anyone call him _that_ ," Tatsumi challenges.

I can't help smirking. "Only _me_ ," I boast. "I like that."

 _Don't start admitting stupid stuff..._

She nods and we're silent for a beat while she pours us tea.

 _You don't know this person._

"I like tea," I tell her, giving this a shot nonetheless.

"Not _coffee_?" the woman scoffs, grinning.

I shake my head. "Don't really care for it."

"I see. Does Dojima-kun know?" she questions with mock-seriousness.

I snicker. "He can't stand that." I sip the tea— _It's good._

"You know," I start, glancing where Teddie disappeared a minute ago. "What you two did for him is great. He couldn't go to school, but you taught him a craft. That's something worth more than a normal education~"

"Don't butter me up," Tatsumi reprimands, in contrast to the way she smiles.

I roll my eyes. "I mean it."

"I know," she nods. "I had to do something. He's lagging with his writing, though."

"That's not a surprise," I reveal. "Do you know where..."

"They told me some things about he and you."

 _Figured. Then she already knows enough about me._

I sigh. "I lagged— _A lot._ I've always had to work twice as hard just to be _equal_ to the others." I feel myself frowning deeply, so I try to calm down.

I take a minute before deciding to continue. I feel my eyes dart around— _I hate talking about this._

"It took a lot of doing, but I caught up and surpassed everyone else. Until I started working—Then being slow to pick things up became a much bigger burden. After I screwed up and came here, I mostly gave up."

 _The only thing I've learned is how to work people—Which I can't do if I'm trying to be honest._

 _And better._

I laugh sourly, until I see that Tatsumi is staring at me as if she can read all of my wounds. I look down and grit my teeth.

 _I told the bitch one thing about me—Shouldn't act like that gives her a license to—_

"That sounds hard to bear," Tatsumi interrupts my thoughts.

My head snaps back up and I don't like the way she's smiling sadly. I feel my gaze sharpening and I grip my shorts. "Y-you _don't_ —" my voice shakes.

" _What?_ " she challenges, her tone hard. "I don't know you very well, but my own boy has learning disabilities. _I can understand what it's like to struggle._ "

I keep my mouth shut.

 _It's obvious Kanji has trouble with words—Any idiot can see he gets them wrong all the time. All he reads are magazines and light novels—_

 _He's trying. He's working to keep up, too—_

I know I've got a nasty look on my face—

But I don't have time to ponder how the punk feels when I make fun of him, because then the store's backdoor opens and Ryoutarou walks in with Ryota behind him, the latter looking around uncomfortably.

"My, he's taller than Kanji!" Tatsumi eyes the newcomer and clicks her tongue.

"Wait till you see who he really is," I mutter, resting my chin on my hand.

Ryoutarou nods to him and Ryota removes his hat and glasses. Tatsumi doesn't speak this time, only gawks at the funny-looking version of Ryoutarou.

"Well I didn't see that coming," she finally manages.

Teddie runs back into the room and stares up at Ryota, surprise flying across his face. "You're Ryota!" he remarks, stating the obvious.

"Yes, I am." The man nods. "Teddie?" he tentatively asks.

"Yup~" the boy smiles. "It's nice to meet you!" He runs over to hug Ryota, but Tatsumi quickly grabs his shirt.

"We bow," she instructs him. Teddie makes an agreeable noise before bowing to the giant.

I snort when Ryota nervously bows back. "Clean-shaven _and_ polite. If I can order you around, I might pick you instead."

Ryota scowls at me while Ryoutarou rolls his eyes. "Oi," he waves over to me. "We need to talk to you."

"Yeah, yeah," I sigh. "I'll show you the stuff."

His eyes go down to my bare feet. "What?" I frown.

"No—That's—" Ryoutarou shakes his head, thinking. "You can take the bracelet off. Something's happened and you're free."

" _I'm what now?_ " I hurriedly question. "Are you _joking_?" I teleport maybe a foot and the thing clatters to the floor.

"Ooh~" Teddie says, picking it up for inspection.

Tatsumi sighs. "Why don't you three go in the house. Teddie, we have work to finish."

"Okay!" he agrees, placing the thing on the table.

I stare at it. "It's really over?" I ask— _Extremely_ suspicious.

"Not likely," Ryota replies.

"And why's he here?" I complain, glaring back.

"He might've saved your ass," Ryoutarou tells me. "Come on. We need to look at those papers— _Very carefully_."

I follow the other two into the house and we sit back at the kitchen table. I show them the packet and my attempt at a résumé. Ryoutarou takes out his reading glasses and hangs the sunglasses on his shirt pocket, sighing.

Then he dumps out the folder. He makes two even piles and hands half of the packets to Ryota. He holds out two differently colored pens and Ryota picks one. They start to mark up the papers.

"Getting serious, are we?" I joke.

Ryoutarou shoots me a weary look and shakes his head. "This is _important_ ," he stresses. "You want to accidentally make a bad deal?"

I sigh as I walk behind Ryoutarou. I lean on him and peer over his shoulder to see what he's concerned about.

He's already littered the first page with notes like "who", "locations needed", and "wording". There are a few areas with small question marks. I move behind Ryota next, who jumps when I lean on him to get a better look. He pushes me away hard and I feel a spike of irritation.

When I wind up to punch him in the back of the head, I get a look from Ryoutarou. "Don't," he commands. "He's helping. Give him space."

"You can look at what I'm working on, but _don't_ touch me," Ryota addends, not so much as glancing up.

I grumble, but do slide a chair over. His notes consist of the same words and expressions, but for different parts. They _are_ handling different portions...

When the two finish their halves, they wordlessly trade and read over what the other has marked. They write some more, then pass everything over again for one final inspection.

"Alright," Ryoutarou concludes. "Did anything about this contract bother you?" He holds up the document, covered in both red and blue marks.

"I'm guessing 'no' would be the wrong answer," I reply, sliding the chair closer to him.

" _Hnn_." He pages through and points out a few clauses. "You can't slip about anything. You aren't being given immunity for explaining how the TV World works. That's a _big_ red flag."

"So anything you reveal that sheds light on what happened six years ago could land you back in court—If enough changes, legally, you could even be retried for murder," Ryota expounds. "You'd be giving them evidence to out you away again."

"Is there a way around that?" I ask.

Ryoutarou nods, flipping through more pages. "That's what we would have to see—What negotiations are for." He sighs and sets down the contract. "You really want to do this?"

"It's a lot of money," I say.

Ryoutarou scratches his arm and glances at Ryota. "Pay attention to _me_!" I snap. "Don't confer with him when I'm _right here_ , damn it! This doesn't even concern him!"

Ryoutarou sighs. "In truth, we think it's a test—The contract. To see what they can pull over on you." He looks at Ryota again and I frown.

"What _aren't_ you telling me?"

"We also think they never calculated that you might refuse—That nothing would be more important to you than an end to your incarceration." Ryoutarou shifts in his seat and smacks the table. "Does _everyone_ think I'm an imbecile?"

 _That's out of leftfield._ "What the hell are you talking about?" I snap.

"Everyone acts like you think _nothing_ of me." Ryoutarou yanks off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. "That all you want is to get the hell out of Inaba—"

" _Ohh my god you're being so melodramatic!_ " I complain. "They're _idiots_! People are _stupid_!"

Ryota mutters something and I yell at him to speak the hell up. "You two are ridiculous. Like a daytime soap opera..."

"Oh fuck you!" I flip him off and slide even closer to Ryoutarou. "Is this why you keep getting so paranoid about me?"

He glances away.

"Hey idiot!" I yell in his ear and he whips around, pissed now. I groan. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What do you— _How do you not_ _know_?" he retorts. "It's all everyone's been saying for years. You were my partner and you were _the_ _murderer_!"

I frown—I'd never realized it bothered him so much. "I thought it bothered you _more_ that I was yo—"

Ryoutarou makes an aggravated noise to cut me off. "That makes it _worse,_ dumbass!" he tells me. "It's bad enough that we worked so closely together. Add on that we were screwing around and I lose _all_ credibility!"

 _Add on that you were in love with me and you're completely sunk, huh?_

"Maybe—It, uh, started when I was in prison?" I try.

He gives off a choked laugh like he can't believe how stupid I am. "That wouldn't make it better."

I start getting squirmy, too. "I never had to deal with it."

" _No_ ," he grunts. "You weren't _here_." He flaps his hand around, squeezing his eyes shut. "With all the same people. Who were _judging_ _me_ —And _you_. And I had to _sit there and take it_ —" He stops speaking to put his head in his hands, looking like he's about to get way more emotional than he's comfortable with.

He does. And I'm speechless for a minute or so while Ryota looks away awkwardly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I finally muster.

He pounds the table. "I didn't want you to worry when you couldn't do anything about it."

"And it's started again?" I ask.

Ryoutarou nods slowly. "Sakamoto won't tell me who's saying what so I don't clean their clocks."

"Wise," I quip, placing my hand on his shoulder. _I should've known._ "Because of this morning?" I ask more gently.

"Most recently." Nodding again, Ryoutarou moans. "It's been breaking down my confidence in us and that's wrong of me."

"It's human," I gently tell him.

When he gets ahold of himself, Ryoutarou drags his hands down his face and sighs. "It shouldn't make me lose it like this, but it's been coming from all sides. Apart from myself and Nanako, you're a complete jackass to everyone else who gives you a chance."

I drum my fingers on the table and look away.

"Cut it out," Ryoutarou orders, lightly slapping my face till I turn back to him. "I mean it. Kanji's been giving you a lot of opportunities to be nice. _Take_ one of them. Keep acting right towards Teddie."

I grumble, but agree.

"Good." Ryoutarou bonks our heads together and tries to at least wipe the unfriendly expression off his face.

"You didn't even tell him the _other_ problem—" Ryota impatiently interrupts.

"Huh?" I intone. "Other what now?"

Ryoutarou sighs. "Your 'parole officer' is Naichou. This has been in the works longer than we thought. They were just waiting to pull you in."

I shift in my seat again. _Don't like that._

"How far does it go?" I question. The other two look at each other and exchange another glance. "You don't know, is that it?"

I scratch my head, waiting for someone else to speak. Neither does, and all we hear is Teddie laughing in the distance.

"Okay," I sigh. "Do you have a plan?" I direct my question at Ryoutarou.

"Sort of," he replies. "We go on the offense and call their bluff."

"That shit again?" I groan. "You see how well it worked out _last_ time!"

"It's a good plan," Ryota chimes in—Of _course_ agreeing with the one he shares a freaking brain with.

"You're outvoted," Ryoutarou tells me— _Smug bastard—_

 _Wait._

I feel my mouth drop open— _No. Fucking. Way_.

"He does _not_ get a vote!"

Both roll their eyes.

 _I'm in hell..._

* * *

Re-Edited 8/7/17


	62. Unnecessary Introductions (Kazoku)

NOTES: I'd never really considered how hard it must be for Nanako to be the youngest.

I did notice that there are a lot of chapters, but not as many words per chapter. Watakushi had the shadow fights, which were ~8,000 each, so I think that's a big part of what shot up the count but not the number of chapters. Aside from maybe two partial-chapters here, the rest is more like the flow of Oretachi. About 1,000~4,000 per chapter.

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Unnecessary Introductions

(Nanako)

I check my phone between classes—I felt a text vibrate earlier.

 _Of course it's Teddie. He's been practically liveblogging his days to me lately..._ I get so many pictures of the things he makes and everyone working. It's cute, but also makes me a little sad.

 _I know he's trying to keep me in the loop, but I'm the only one who has to spend their days in school. I wish I could be with the others._

 _And it's only getting worse._

Tohru will get to spend his time in the shop, too. _I feel as though I'm being left behind._

I don't know what I want to do when I grow older. _I'll have to make a decision someday, while the others have it all figured out._

The latest picture is different form the rest. I don't think it's someone I know, but I can't tell. It's blurry and all I can see the person's socked feet, jeans, and the bottom of a tee-shirt.

I have to laugh, but try not to make it loud. I don't want to get caught with my phone out.

 _'Did Kanji get new socks'_ I type back.

 _He's my only guess._

My last class is boring. I've already finished the English reading for the semester, but I have to pay attention in case I'm called on. I feel my phone buzz again, but don't bother checking it until I'm on my way out.

 _'Hes Ryota1! :D'_

I hear myself suck in a sharp breath as I reopen the photo. _I wonder if he's still over there?_

I dash to the tree and Teddie waves excitedly with both arms. "Let's go!" I tell him, hurrying by.

Teddie easily catches up and starts telling me about their brief interaction. "I couldn't get a better picture because they had work to do. I only thought to take one when he was walking away... They were all there when I left though!"

I stop short. "Tohru-jisan was still there?"

"Yeah!" he tells me smiling. "I asked him to stay so we could all have the special edition Topsicles together~"

 _I haven't seen him since I read what he wrote—_

I consciously slow my pace.

"What's wrong?" Teddie asks, taking my hand.

I smile guiltily. "I was just thinking that we haven't spoken since I read what he wrote to me. I want to talk about it..."

"But you don't know what you want to say?" Teddie finishes when I trail off.

"Mm-hmm," I nod.

Teddie drags me along a little faster again. "Just talk to him like always!" he grins. "You'll bring it up when you can."

"That's a good idea," I quietly reply.

When we arrive at the shop, Teddie bursts through the door yelling "ted-aima". He kicks off his shoes and jumps from foot-to-foot while I untie my own.

"Are they still here, Kaasan?" he asks his mom.

"Yes, and Kanji's back as well."

He grabs my hand again and pulls me through the store and into the house. When we enter the kitchen, I see them all around the table.

"We're here~" Teddie interrupts.

The four turn to look at us, and I sweep my eyes across all the faces, stopping to rest on the man studying me—Obviously Ryota, by his hair and eyes.

"H-hi," I try; suddenly feeling shy.

"It's nice to meet you," the man replies, scratching his face. His eyes shift to Dad and then Tohru. Dad nods to him and Tohru huffs, leaning on his hands and glaring at Ryota.

"Topsicles!" Teddie breaks in. "Let's eat!" He rushes over to the freezer to get rid of the awkward silence, and passes out different flavors to everyone.

Tohru waves me over, a mean glint in his eyes. " _Creepy_ , right?" he loudly asks me.

I roll my eyes and smile at Ryota. "No," I shake my head and extend my hand. "It's nice to meet you, too," I finally reply.

Ryota tries to smile while Tohru folds his arms, obviously unhappy with the present company. _I wonder if they've been fighting the whole time?_

I look back to Tohru, and he'll know I'm trying to calm him down, but it's the thought that matters. "Let's work on math again later, Tohru-jisan."

"Yeah. Okay," he says, looking a little less peeved.

"What's going on?" I ask Dad, wondering at the papers he's been going over again and again.

He glances at Tohru, who shrugs as he trades his empty wrapper for Dad's melting Topsicle. "I got some sort of get-out-of-jail-free deal, but it's fishy."

"Tohru can have more!" Teddie calls. "They're for his first day of work!"

"How many can I have?" Tohru queries, immediately losing interest in whatever Dad's looking at.

Dad sighs and throws Tohru's first wrapper at him. "Finish your thought," he sighs.

Tohru waits until he sucks down the second snack before continuing. "Look!" he extends his leg so I can see the bracelet is off again.

"So?" I ask. _This isn't news._

"I've been removed from the system!" he grins, biting down on his ice cream.

— _That's_ news!

"Really?"

"Yup~" he says, still smiling. "Let's go out to eat later!"

Dad groans and smacks the table. "Moron! We need to take care of this before you celebrate..."

"Why?" I question.

"Haaah," Dad sighs, running a hand through his hair. "He said it's 'fishy', yeah? Something isn't sitting right. Sakamoto agrees. Ryota agrees." Ryota nods for emphasis, and Tohru groans.

Teddie passes him another Topsicle and he lights up again, though. He starts to open it and Dad smacks the table, annoyed.

"Tohru that's enough," he scolds. "We should get a move on."

Tohru groans and Teddie tells him that he can have more tomorrow. "Thanks," Tohru tells Teddie, his eyes sliding down as though he's embarrassed. Teddie beams, not noticing at all.

"We need to drop by the station while Sakamoto's still in, and we can drop you wherever you need." Dad nods to Ryota, who returns the gesture. Then he turns to me. "Are you coming home for dinner?"

I shrug while Teddie's eyes light up. "We will!" he happily answers for me, his grin showing off his sugary, blue teeth from his frozen treat.

Dad rolls his eyes. "Alright. We'll cook." With that, he motions to Tohru and Ryota and they follow him out the door.

"Ojisan's got a real entourage, now," Kanji quips after they're gone. "At least he's getting things done..."

"What do you mean?" I pointedly ask him.

" _Guh_ —" Kanji slaps his leg. "Shit. Sorry, nothing."

Teddie looks between the two of us, and points his Topsicle stick at Kanji. "Awkward Squad, am I right?"

"What happened?" I frown.

Kanji sighs and nervously bangs on the table a few times. "He was acting off earlier."

"Why?" I sharply question. "What's been going on lately? You're all acting weird—Did they really go to Tokyo?"

"Uhh..."

"Kanji!" I say louder. "What's going on?"

Kanji folds his arms and glares at the wall. "There might be some trouble with the government. Tohru got offered a deal if he helps them with persona stuff. A-and I think it's just the stress getting to Ojisan... Yeah."

"From the government?" I repeat. "Or from town?"

"Both?" Kanji asks me.

Teddie turns around form washing his hands in the sink. "He was..." Teddie bites his lip and chews on it. "I think he was crying earlier..."

I feel my face pull tight. "Really?"

Teddie nods. "He told Tohru some guys at work are being mean. I could hear them talking..."

"Okay," I exhale. "Thanks for letting me know."

My friend nods while Kanji turns away guiltily. _There's more—But I don't want to push him. I don't want get in the middle of Kanji's relationship with Dad._

I frown, but let it go.

* * *

Re-Edited 7/8/17


	63. Space (Kazoku)

NOTES: I have seen a load of fics that are/end cute with Ryoutarou taking Tohru in after he's released from prison. But we all know it would never be that easy... Realistically, if less than ten-fifteen years have passed I can see the town shunning him or worse.

Oh, I used that info on volunteers. Obvs Doujima is Adachi's volunteer. Although that feels like bending the rules, but no one knew they were together, soooo... Doujima's always seemed fine with bending the rules, as long as he's not overtly breaking them. Seems as though he's the type to throw his weight around to get his way, too.

I want to post one more today again... I can't justify posting more than two in a day, but I AM up to Twenty-Two and have a few bits written even further out.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Space

(Ryoutarou)

I enter through the back door to the station, flanked by Tohru and Ryota. The former didn't want to wait in the car, while the latter has in interest in meeting Sakamoto. I made Tohru put on Kanji's sunglasses and hat like earlier.

 _Those damn eyes..._

"Don't speak," I groan. "You both look like criminals from an old cartoon with the hats and glasses."

"I'd be _more_ than happy to remove mine~" Tohru jeers.

"You'll wait until the official notice arrives," I reply, turning to jab him in the side. Tohru grunts and slaps my hand away. "Try to be a good sport."

Sakamoto's door is thankfully open, so I usher the other two in before me. " _What—?_ " I hear my coworker complain. "Dojima..." he growls when I enter.

I shut the door and point the other two to the chairs. "I have someone who wants to meet you," I sigh, dropping the tracker cases on his desk.

Ryota steps forward to proffer his hand and introduce himself, when I shake my head. "No names."

"Well that's odd," Sakamoto retorts, pumping out a handshake. He grimaces and stares back at his hand.

"He's not from around here," I tell Sakamoto, waving my hand around dismissively. "Don't ask questions. I owe him a favor, so I said he could meet you."

"I see," Sakamoto replies, taking a seat. "And I have news for you, too. Adachi's paperwork came through. He's free." My friend throws up his hands at the absurdity.

 _It was supposed to be another five years and he's out within two weeks._

At that, Tohru rips off his hat and sunglasses, throwing them dramatically to the floor. He then stomps on the glasses, a gleeful expression playing across his face.

"Ugh, _dammit_!" I yell. "Those were Kanji's!"

"I know," he says, not a bit remorseful. He gives them one last crunch for good measure.

I groan and scratch my head, a poor substitute for thumping him. Sakamoto seems very amused, and folds his arms while he tries not to laugh.

Tohru takes that as his cue to further act up, and kicks his feet up on his old boss's desk.

"That's enough of that," Sakamoto retorts, poking his sneakers with a pen. "And pick up your trash."

Tohru makes a throaty noise, but complies, picking up the shards of plastic and tossing them in the trash. He tries to put the hat on my head, proclaiming that Ryota and I will look like twins. I knock him away and breathe deeply a few times, vowing not to snap.

"You try counting to ten?" Sakamoto mockingly questions me.

"Mmn," I nod, rubbing my temples.

"Well, sign off on this as his volunteer, and he'll only have the therapist and parole officer to contend with—Until they've deemed him safe and healthy."

" _I'm healthy,_ " Tohru glowers.

Sakamoto snorts. "Yeah kid, and I'm the next emperor. I'll need your signature, too..."

Tohru and I crowd around to sign off on his release. He turns around to give me one of his old, cute, goofy grins when I stand back up. I have to grin myself; I've always found that expression infectious.

"Alright. Get outta here!" Sakamoto sighs, watching our exchange. "Before anyone realizes he's in the station."

I nod and start for the door. Tohru catches up and grabs my hand, still looking happy.

As I begin to open it, Sakamoto gives Ryota one more look. "Who _are_ you...?"

I slam it shut again, whipping around. "Do you want to get involved in supernatural bullshit?" I ask, advancing. Tohru yanks me to a stop and I grunt.

"But it's almost like..."

Ryota makes his own decision, tipping his cap back a little and pulling down his shades. "Anything else, _Ryuuji_?" he says.

Sakamoto drops his pen—Too stunned to speak.

" _Trust_ me," I reiterate. "He was never here." I turn to Ryota and order him out the door first this time, with Tohru second and myself picking up the rear. _Hopefully no one stops me..._

 _Annnnnd Yamamura is calling out my name from behind us._

"What?" I groan, turning around. "I'm busy right now."

"I was wondering if you'd have a minute to talk me through the break-in from the south sector last week, Sir."

 _Now?_

I pass my keys to Tohru. "You two wait in the car," I bark.

Tohru shunts the keys right to Ryota. "He can wait in the car. I'm now a free man~" he quips draping an arm over my shoulders.

" _Oh—_ Ah—" Yamamura stutters. "H-hi, Adachi."

"Hello, _Rookie_ ," he grins.

" _Tohru—_ " I snap smacking my forehead. "I'm working— _Get out of here!_ "

He jumps away from me and I immediately feel bad. I watch his face cycle through outrage and then hurt, as he stalks past Ryota and slams the back door hard. Ryota shrugs and leaves, too.

"You were saying?" I motion to the file my kouhai is carrying and he asks a few questions while I bring him up to speed.

By the time I exit, I can see that Tohru is fuming and Ryota isn't helping things. I catch the tail end of what I believe is a lecture.

"—rass him while he's working, kid!" Ryota commands, leaning into the front seat.

The morons haven't rolled up the windows, so I can hear their whole conversation. I decide to hang back while I smoke. _I don't feel great about it, but maybe Tohru will get it out of his system by yelling back at Ryota._

 _He shouldn't be telling Tohru what to do, anyhow._

I light up and lean against the wall, behind the smoking shelter. I take my time, knowing it could be a few minutes.

"I hate that Yamamura!" Tohru sulks, kicking the dash. "He has my job! He has my desk! _He tried to use my mug!_ "

" _Adachi_ ," Ryota pleads. "Don't be an asshole. You knew your job would have to be passed on to someone else."

 _Logic won't work,_ I muse.

"It was—" Tohru whines, and then coughs, clutching his head. "I don't want someone else in my place!"

"Alright." Ryota sighs. "I get it. He's _literally_ in your place. But it isn't as though Ryou likes him the way he likes you. Don't be stupid—He doesn't care for _any_ of his coworkers, if my memories are reliable."

 _Well that's iffy. Things have changed since back then._

"People already know I'm back..." Tohru tries, still sounding more whiny than angry.

"Yes," Ryota agrees. "But you don't need to pitch a fit in the police station, where the other officers have every right to tear you to shreds. You were a traitor. You don't have a leg to stand on—You shouldn't fool around people who will beat the crap out of you."

I hear Tohru kick something else, but then agree— _And it shocks the hell out of me!_

I stub my cigarette and slip it into the receptacle. As I'm rounding the corner, I see Ryota rubbing Tohru's head the way I do and I stop short.

I feel a surge aggravation and a little bit of anger flare up inside me, but quash them. I throw those feelings from my mind and amble over to the car like normal.

Ryota's retreated back to the rear, and Tohru's got his feet up on the dashboard. He's staring at me with that blank expression again. "Why's your hand look like it wants to hit me?" he gibes.

 _Not you—_

I swallow before speaking, trying to get rid of the dryness in my mouth. " _What?_ " I shoot back, uncurling my fist.

 _I wouldn't have realized if he didn't say anything..._

Once I'm inside the car, I turn around. "Anywhere specific you want us to leave you?"

Ryota shakes his head. "I don't mind a walk."

"Then you can just take it from here if you want. Is that alright?" When he says goodbye and exits the car, I turn to Tohru. "Do you want to go to Junes?" I ask. "We need to get something for dinner."

"You sure?" he asks, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

I smile wryly. "Cat's already out of the bag, might as well—You _are_ free."

"Uh-huh. Anything _else_ you wanna say to me, Ryoutarou?" he tries, expression still hard.

"No," I evenly reply. When I turn the keys in the ignition, his hand shoots out and grabs my arm. "What're you doing?" I sigh.

"What're _you_ doing?" he repeats; an edge to his voice. "He felt bad that you were acting like a complete asshole. You _said_ to get along. Man, take the stick out of your butt."

I try to shake him off but he won't let go. "Remember what I told you last week?" Tohru interrogates. "You don't get to act like a bastard and then all sweet. That _isn't_ how this is going to work anymore."

"I know," I quietly concede, and he releases me.

" _You_ also need to tell _me_ if something's bothering you."

"Alright." I pull out of the lot and start us on our way.

Tohru takes his legs down and sits properly in the seat for once. "I'm not a mind-reader, either—Although it was pretty obvious you were jealous of the guy who hates my guts."

"He doesn't hate your guts," I sigh, pointing the car down the road.''

"You heard all the shit he said about me inside the TV. After that, I'm sure he's just _waiting_ to be my best friend—Too bad the line's so long~" he sardonically jeers.

I shake my head. "It isn't that he was touching you. It was the _way_ he was doing it—" I try to explain.

Tohru sits up straighter. "Yeah? What the hell does that mean?" he scoffs.

"He looked... _Like_..." I can tell I'm glaring at the road. "Did it just like..."

"Like _you_?" Tohru supplies. "Did you stop and think that maybe it's because he's _supposed to look like you_?"

I can hear the smugness in his voice.

"You were just jealous~" he sneers.

I whack the steering wheel.

"You're not arguing..."

 _You don't sound incorrect._

I clear my throat and pull into the Junes lot. _There's nothing I can say to that._

I exit the car and wait for Tohru to catch up. He slips his hand into mine and starts tugging me to the entrance, apparently excited to go into the store.

"Why don't we—" I start, but his disappointed face makes me change my mind. "Nothing."

Tohru sighs and drops my hand. "It was fine this morning," he sullenly reminds me, shoving his hands into his pockets.

I place my palm on his back and we walk inside like that. "I'll get there," I weakly attempt to reassure him.

Tohru just glances at me and stays quiet. _Too docile..._

But I don't think anything of it as I lead us to produce first, and try to find a good onion. It's tough going.

"Just tell me what you need," Tohru complains, shoving me aside. Once he finds an onion, I let him know we also need scallions and mitsuba. He carefully selects more vegetables and then we head to the meat section.

I pick out a package of chicken—can't really screw _that_ up—and then we walk towards checkout. In line, I do stick my arm around Tohru, knowing I'm being overprotective. He doesn't seem to mind, thankfully.

 _I don't want a lot of people coming up behind us who could give him shit._

We're only the second in line, and I think we're home free, when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I see that Tohru's silently bagging our few items, so I turn around to speak with someone I'd helped find a stolen bike about a month ago.

"Hi, Detective Dojima!" the kid smiles. "Thanks again for finding my bike down by the beach! That was such a lifesaver. I wouldn't have had enough to buy a new one and—" he cuts himself off abruptly and makes a face.

I cock an eyebrow as the kid quickly excuses himself and moves to a different line. I sigh and turn back around to find Tohru just standing there with the bag under one arm; looking lost.

"Come on," I softly tell him, taking the bag and putting my arm around him again. He looks conflicted as we trudge to the car, and I finally start to notice the other shoppers giving us a wide berth.

 **#**

In the garage, I cut the motor and let out a long, low sigh. Closing my eyes, I try counting to ten, like Sakamoto sarcastically suggested.

When I open them, Tohru's got his face right up next to mine, staring intensely. "Hey," I say in an easy tone.

He smiles and nuzzles my face. Before I can think better of it, I grab his shirt and yank him into a deep kiss—Right there in the car.

He laughs a little when I pull away and release him. "We'll be fine," he tells me, obviously trying his best to sound reassuring.

I smile weakly. "Will we, though?"

"Totally," he nods, threading his fingers through mine and swinging our hands through the air between us. I have to chuckle at the simple things he does that cheer me up. "Now are you really going to make dinner? I don't know how much I trust you anymore, after you tried to pass off that discolored onion~"

"It was fine," I smirk. "I thought that was a rare onion. Or something."

Tohru's eyes light up. "'Or something' meaning 'on its way out'?"

I cuff his shoulder and reach for the door handle, but he tugs me back to him. "What?"

He smirks and tries to kiss me again. "Oi—Give it a rest," I chuckle, leaning away. "The kids are probably here." Tohru can't reach me well enough, so he settles for licking my face. "Gross," I mutter, wiping it off while he cracks up.

I take the bag out of the backseat and shake my head. "You're so odd sometimes."

"Only sometimes?" he questions, looking more himself.

I smile again, moving past him to unlock the door. Tohru slides by me to yell that we're back.


	64. Things Were Getting Better, Too (Kazoku)

AO3 Lead-In: Tohru thinks he's playing around and gets hurt. Does anyone else think scaring a cop is a bad idea? Nanako thinks the men are a freaking mess. Then Teddie hands her another piece of the puzzle... So when Tohru says something he probably means, she still drops a truth bomb on him. And DANG this is going to be the wake-up call they all need, but... It feels as though it's going to start a huge blowout. She's one tough player, and she ain't wrong.

I'm also noticing that nighttime Nanako-Tohru-Teddie bonding has tendency to take bad turns...

NOTES: Ireally liked my chapter summary, so I left it this time. I usually cut them because FF doesn't ask for them.

Also Nanako is going to begin getting more fighty and passive-aggressive in the next few chapters. My husband's comment was "welcome to the teenage years, Nanako!".

So I'm sorry this chapter ends on a kind-of cliffhanger. But there'll be another tomorrow morning~~

* * *

Chapter Nineteen: Things Were Getting Better, Too

(Nanako)

When dinner is done, Dad cleans up while the rest of us talk amongst ourselves around the low table. I pull out some work and the other two watch one of the quiz shows.

"Alright," Dad announces, walking to the stairs. "I'm going for a soak."

Teddie jumps to his feet. "I'll come with you! You're not mad anymore, right?"

" _No!_ " Tohru growls and we all startle. "This is— _uhh_ —our time. _Not_ Teddie's. Tub's not big enough..." He bolts the short distance and throws his arms around the taller man's neck, practically choking my dad.

I try to hide my snicker as Dad panics, almost flipping Tohru in a practiced takedown. He manages to stop himself and set Tohru back on his feet. Teddie's eyes grow huge and he sits back down, inching closer to me.

"After..." Tohru's gaze slides to Dad, who sighs. Tohru's face changes to something softer as he wraps his arms tighter around his neck. "You can hang out with him after—If he's still awake," Tohru finishes, melodramatically glaring at Teddie.

"I don't sleep that early," Dad yawns.

"Sure, sure!" Tohru laughs, yanking on him. Dad frowns and yells at him to get off—So of course the younger man grins crazily and jumps up, trying to land on Dad piggyback-style.

"Shit!" Dad curses, pitching forward. He catches himself on the wall though, and Tohru guffaws loudly. "Moron!" After a pause where it looks as though Tohru's won, Dad speaks again, quiet but clearly agitated. "I'm not carrying you upstairs. Get the hell off of me."

Tohru whines, but listens and slides back to the ground. Dad grunts and shoves him for good measure, then the two climb the stairs. Tohru is still snickering to himself the whole way up.

"They fight a lot," Teddie remarks, turning back to me.

"Tohru enjoys putting on a show," I reply, considering my answer. "He likes to be theatrical, especially around Dad." _He's showing off._

Teddie nods, but I'm unsure if he gets it. His attention is already back on the television and he's answering the questions blaring out as best he can. He sits cross-legged, clutching a pillow as he calls them aloud.

I'm only paying half-attention to the thudding above our heads, until a screech and a whole load of swearing drifts down from upstairs. Then silence.

Teddie and I glance at each other, unsure if we should check it out.

"We're fine!" Dad yells down. And then, guiltier: " _I think_..."

I sigh and walk to the foot of the stairs, and now Dad's yelling for old towels. And s _ometimes I wonder if things will ever be boring like they used to..._

I carry up a few of the towels he uses when he works out and walk in on Tohru sitting on the floor, hissing out swears and pinching his nose. Dad's standing behind him, holding his head back so he doesn't bleed on the floor.

"I waz juth playin' ah-hound!" he shrieks. I hand him the towels and his face is all red because he's fuming. He dabs at his nose and I reach out to heal him.

"Fuck!" Tohru chokes when he can speak properly, spitting more blood into a towel. He jabs his finger in my father's direction, and keeps screaming. "He fucking _clotheslined_ me!"

"Don't charge me, you stupid, _stupid_ jackass!" Dad yells back, exasperated. "Defending yourself is a natural reaction!" he protests.

I stare at them like the morons they are and sigh before leaving the room. Downstairs, Teddie asks me what happened.

"Ask them," I groan. "They're being idiots."

"Like earlier?" Teddie questions.

I shake my head. "What _happened_ earlier?"

"Kanji said Dojima-san was sick from drinking," he tells me. "I felt bad not telling you..."

"He—He did?" I ask, thrown for a loop. _That hasn't happened in a while._

Teddie nods. "And Tohru was being mean to him..."

"Good," I gibe and Teddie responds with an anxious noise. "Dad shouldn't be drinking."

"Yeah," Teddie agrees. "Kanji said that, too." He leans back to look at me better.

I sigh. "He seems fine now. What—Was he hungover?"

"I think so." Teddie scratches his head and hums. "Are you okay?"

"I will be," I frown.

I turn back to my work and notice that Teddie is creeping closer and closer. I set down my pen and smile at him.

"Hmm?" Teddie innocently asks me. "What?"

I hold in a laugh when he sits closer so he can lean against me and see what I'm doing. "Just working on a composition. It's not due for a while."

"Is it difficult?" he questions.

"This one isn't." I look over at the boy leaning his head on my shoulder and smile. "Hey, Teddie..."

"Yeah?"

"We won't end up like that, right?"

He sits up and cocks his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"Huh?" I blink. _What do I mean...?_

 _How do I explain that I've seen all the mistakes. The first round._

 _This second round._

 _Tohru-jisan just scared Dad and got punched or something._

 _Tohru-jisan's mental health problems. Dad's drinking._

 _Are they even going to make it to the third round?_

I sigh. "I mean that we'll communicate better, right? Or we'll tell each other if something's wrong, or if—"

"Nanako," Teddie says to me, seeming really serious. "We'll be the best!" He smiles widely when he finishes, then wraps me up in a hug. We stay like that until we hear Tohru pounding loudly back down the stairs. Teddie lets go, but stays where he is.

"Son of a bitch," he huffs. "Let's never throw him a surprise party. Or have the only one to jump out be someone we hate. Bet they'll get fucking _shot_!" He drops down on my other side and lays his head on the table.

"Tohru-jisan," I start before I can think better of it. "Why do you like Dad?"

"Yeah?" he snorts. "Why do _you_ like the Bear? Is this a sleepover? Are we teenage girls?"

I wait for him to realize and look up. "Okay, so parts of that are true," he acquiesces. Teddie laughs good-naturedly.

"So will you tell me?" I press. "In your own words is fine. I won't critique you like last time." I grin and he rolls his eyes.

He buries his face in his arms like he's embarrassed, and mumbles out the words. "He just takes it all in stride. _Everything_. I've already done most of the things that ruin relationships, but they haven't seemed to deter him at all—"

Tohru stops and sighs heavily. "And I know a big part of that is probably because he's just to scared to lose anyone, but— _But_ —"

He chuffs a few times and is silent. I think he's done, but then he goes on, taking a different tack.

"So that's why I put up with all of _his_ shit. He's got his own problems, but maybe in the long-run I can help him, too..."

I wait, figuring he'll tell me when he's done.

"And I know blabbermouth over there had to have told you—" he groans. "That was stupid and I'll do better next time."

He's quiet again, and...

 _I know this is going to come out meaner than I intend—_

 _But I can't help myself—_

"Tohru-jisan?" I say, then bite my lip.

 _All of a sudden I need him to know I've been counting on him. Because I'm realizing that I have—Dad and I don't really talk and someone has to help him._

"Don't make promises you don't know if you can keep."


	65. Long Way (Kazoku)

NOTES: Today's first posting! I'm still two ahead, but will only post a second time today if I can hang onto that lead.

The biggest pain about Japan is that coffee shops and cafes don't usually open until at least seven. Most places here open at five or six am, and I don't live in no city (in the US)! I found this out when I was in Oosaka and then Tokyo! I was told that most jobs don't begin until nine or ten, so there's no reason for shops to start earlier when people will still be at home. Jeez...

I had terrible jet lag and wanted a coffee at four am—I'm normally up around five and figured what the hell. I ended up going for a vending machine, and then wandering around at six. When the first two Starbucks' were closed and I told my husband it had to be a weird coincidence. We opened Google Maps. They were ALL seven or eight. I was convinced it was a misprint, but he just sighed and dragged me back to the hotel... (It clearly wasn't a misprint...)

Oh. I finally got Discord. akaicchi#6187

* * *

Chapter Twenty: Long Way

(Tohru)

"Don't make promises you don't know if you can keep."

That's all it takes to freeze me in place. Like my blood has been replaced with ice.

Or cold, hard tar.

 _Because I know if anything, I made it worse—_

 _Letting it happen._

 _Rewarding bad behavior._

 _But he was acting so honest and vulnerable! I wanted to convince him that—_

 _Okay I just wanted him to feel better as fast as possible. And that's quickest way and—_

 _And I'm still coming up with excuses..._

 _But—_

I realize someone's shaking me and I look up. It's Teddie, and his face is all scrunched up and sad.

"W-w-what?" I try, my voice cracking.

 _Teddie looks really worried_.

"You're _crying_ , Tohru!" he tells me, seeming on the verge of tears, himself. "Nana—" he gestures to the stairs and I get the picture.

"O-oh," is all I can say. I touch my hand to my face and I do feel hot liquid— _Guess he's right._

"I di-didn't wanna leave you all b-by your lonesome—" Teddie starts, and then he _does_ cry.

And I don't know what to do— _Really no fucking idea. The kid's downright bawling!_

I can tell my own eyes are still leaking as I pull him to me—

 _Because he's crying for me, isn't he?_ _It feels too cold to just leave him there sobbing on the floor alone._

It becomes such a stupid fucking cycle. He keeps crying because I'm crying and then I can't stop because he's crying.

We're down to sniffles by the time we hear Ryoutarou's plodding footsteps on the stairs. "What're you two doing?" he asks us, his voice heavy with sleep. "Are you—" he squints, waking up a little. "Are you _crying_? The _both_ of you?"

"N-no!" I shout, pushing Teddie away.

"Why didn't he go home?" Ryoutarou groans. "It's after midnight!"

Teddie shrinks back against me and I sigh. "S-sorry," he hiccoughs.

"Did you two fight again?"

" _Yes!_ " I easily lie. "Dammit—That's _exactly_ what happened! Fucken' Teddie..."

And that makes Teddie's eyes tear up again.

" _Ngh_..." I vocalize. "Don't do that—I-I'm n-not mad anymore! He-heh~" I throw on my plastic smile and the boy wipes at his face.

"Go sleep in Tohru's room. Text Kanji," Ryoutarou sighs. " _You_ come with me."

I squinch my eyes shut and sigh. Then I lean on the table to stand, with Teddie using me to pull himself to his feet once I'm up.

When he's satisfied that we're moving the pity party upstairs, Ryoutarou follows us. Teddie drops off first, as my room is on the opposite end from ours. I hesitate before stepping through the door, so Ryoutarou makes a tired noise and pushes me into the bedroom.

"Let's go," he complains, closing the door behind himself. "I'm exhausted..."

I take a few gulps of air as I shuck my clothes and toss them in a heap. _I don't even have a smart comment._

I flop onto the futon with a muffled _thwump_.

"I'm not buying your theatrics." Ryoutarou says and guesses wrong again. "Did Teddie fight with Nanako?"

"No," I reply into my pillow.

"Then what happened?" he questions—And the thought that it could've been _me_ and Nanako that fought isn't even going to cross his mind.

I don't speak. So Ryoutarou tires of waiting and shakes me. "What is _with_ you two..."

 _I fucked up._

 _You fucked up._

 _We're screwing up..._

Ryoutarou moves closer, shifting so he can hold me and I think he's asleep, but then he sighs. "You need to cut the kid some slack."

— _Didn't buy it, huh?_

"It _wasn't_ him," I mumble, piqued.

"Then what was it?" he questions. "You both looked like the world was ending."

I curl up tighter, not wanting to deal with this. "We're throwing out the beer until you can have just one or two."

 _He's gonna get angry now—_

" _Excuse me?_ " Ryoutarou growls, sitting up.

 _He's gonna be sooo fucking pissed..._

"Nanako was upset because she found out you were drinking. You have to stop—"

" _You fought with Nanako?_ " he whispers harshly, disbelief lacing his voice. "About _me_?"

I nod silently.

" _Neither_ of you gets to decide—"

I groan and kick away from Ryoutarou. I flip over so I can see his face. "Yes we do," I challenge. "She's your family! She's worried!"

 _He does look pretty tired._

"She was upset?"

"With me, too."

" _That's_ not fair—" he tries.

I close my eyes and sigh. "Yes it is," I insist. "We're in this together. I can't just go along with your bad ideas. You didn't try to just muscle me out of prison. You were intent on following the system and—"

"That's different!" he objects. "It was—

"Nnnrgh! Just because it was a _legal_ matter doesn't make it—" I shake my head. "You made me go through the proper procedures. I should do the same for you and get you back on track."

He looks like I kicked him in the face. "I'm _fine_ , Tohru! She shouldn't be—"

" _Yes she should!_ " I spit, yanking at my hair. "It isn't fair to her to have to deal with that!"

We stare at each other for a while...

 _Nothing left to say._

Just catching our breaths and collecting our thoughts.

He finally says something and it's the _wrong_ thing. _Again_. "She made you cry, though?"

"Because she's _right_!"

 _This is exhausting._

 _And if you get in the middle of this—_

Ryoutarou sighs and starts to stand.

 _Ohh fuck—_

 _No!_

"Where are you _going_?" I demand.

"To fix this," he replies stretching.

 _It's the middle of the fucking night! You can't wake her up to—_

" _No_ ," I tell him, mustering up as much of a commanding tone as I can.

" _You_ don't tell _me_ how to discipline m—"

" _No_!" I repeat. "You sit the fuck back down because this is _not_ how to deal with the situation. Especially because she's right— _So sit down and shut up._ "

He gawks at me, clearly surprised I'd order him around so aggressively, and about something that isn't entirely my business. _But..._

"We all live here, now. _And_ you said you wanted to add me to your koseki. You need to let us work out our problems with each other by ourselves, unless we _ask_ for your help. Don't be bullheaded. It'll only make things worse."

Ryoutarou's still looking at me like he's never seen me before in his life. But he sighs and walks back over to the futon.

"Better," I quip.

"I have work," he mutters, not conceding deft. He lies back down, grumbling the whole time.

I wrap my arms around him this time, and he lets me. "We _all_ have work," I snap. I bury my head in his back and try to sleep.

 **#**

Still on high alert, I'm able to wake up right away when Ryoutarou starts to peel me off of him. He's not that stealthy, and high-alert is a _learned_ skill after all.

"Gonna leave me here?" I ask, shifting away.

"Unh," he grumbles. "I was going to get you after I..."

"Made me breakfast?" I smirk.

"We'll go with that."

I roll backwards, then tumble forwards, jumping to my feet. "You're not leaving me here to go fight with Nanako."

"I wasn't," he tries, but I give him a good look and he rolls his eyes. Then he walks to a dresser to take out his work clothes, and I tell him I'm going to do the same.

I yank on my shorts and then remember that Teddie is sleeping in my room— _Shit._

"Ryoutarou?" I call.

"Hmm?" he intones, buttoning up his shirt.

I glance at the second dresser and think better of it. I shake my head and start towards the door.

"Tohru," Ryoutarou sighs, definitely understanding what I was going to ask. " _Soon_. I promise—Remind me this weekend."

"Really?" I question— _Hadn't thought it would be that easy._

"I'm going to straighten out. And I won't start a fight today."

"Good." I feel myself smiling. "Now I have to go disturb a sleeping bear..."

He stops me with one more statement. "I did ask you to help me not lose you..." He murmurs it quietly, but I catch the whole thing and begin to feel better.

I walk back towards him for a kiss and he tells me to wipe the grin off my face. "Why?" I ask. "You're letting me throw out the beer. That's reason to be happy~"

"I didn't agree to _that_!"

"Too late," I quip, kissing his cheek and dashing out of the room. "That's how you can help me, by not acting like a baby about this."

I take off, sliding the door shut behind me and stepping quietly down the hall. _Nanako's probably up, but I'm not quite ready._

I almost inaudibly open my own door and see Teddie sleeping in my futon. I sigh as quietly as I can.

 _Curled up all the way just like me._

 _A skinny lump under the covers._

 _I really have to live with this reminder of all my failings. And he's a relationship with my bes—_

 _No I did not just think that!_

 _It makes no sense!_

 _It's childish._

 _She wouldn't like that._

 _Of course it make no sense._

 _Stupid stupid stupid..._

I realize I'm scratching my head and I force my hand away, and slip to the dresser. I pull out a tee-shirt and long shorts and socks. Then I pitch the socks back in.

' _Bear' minimum_ , I laugh to myself. I change quickly and toss yesterday's clothes in a heap with the others.

Teddie stirs a little, and I realize I should wake him. He needs to head out, too.

"Hey Bear," I speak to the futon. "Rise and shine, lazy lump~" I tack on with a mimicked, high-pitched laugh before I realize what I'm doing.

" _'Kay, neechan,_ " he mumbles, still out and not moving from his position under the blankets.

I feel myself freezing again. Like I'm on fire.

 _I did NOT just say that!_

 _Ooh fuck I DID NOT._

 _Not to him. And he did not call me 'neechan'._

 _He will not remember anything!_

I back up until I hit the door and scrabble for the handle. I stumble out into the hall and smack right into Ryoutarou.

He catches me, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Tohru, you're shaking," he says in a low voice.

"Y-y-ye-ah?"

"White as a sheet..." He tightens his grip and I think I'm calming down a little

"Y-you always tell me I'm pasty!" I try to joke.

Ryoutarou sighs. "Don't do that. If you're helping me, then," he trails off.

I tip back to look at him as I shut the door. "Not around _that one_."

He nods. "Maybe tomorrow, when Aizawa comes by?"

" _Shit_ ," I moan.

He snorts and leans his head on mine. "Don't."

"You're in the way," comes Nanako's sharp voice from behind us. _Still snippy._

Then, arrogantly—"No we're not." _Ugh dammit Ryoutarou._

He doesn't release me, but instead lifts me off my feet and drags me—kicking out for traction—down the stairs and I glare helplessly at him. He rolls his eyes.

"You may be stronger than me, but you still weigh nothing." _Bastard must've realized he has the upper hand if I can't grab onto anything._

"This isn't going to help," I growl.

Ryoutarou shrugs his free shoulder and sets me back down on the first floor. "Stay here," he orders, taking out food. Then he thinks better of it and shoves the pot of soup back in the fridge.

"What—?" I complain.

"You want to eat out?" he asks, trying to bribe me.

I sigh. "Are you being a jerk because you're mad?"

"Taking you out to eat is being a jerk?" he scoffs. "I was even going to let you pick..."

"No," I groan, pushing him aside to take out the soup and heat it on the stove. "Make your damn coffee."

Ryoutarou grumbles but gets to work. I hear the grinder and then footsteps above our heads. _The kids probably need to eat, too._

 _Which is why he was trying to leave in a hurry._

 _This is all such a pain in the ass._

When I'm satisfied the soup is warming, I start to take all the beer out of the fridge. Three and a half six-packs. I pop the first tab and dump a can down the drain.

Ryoutarou watches me, growing more and more irritated.

"It'll be faster if you help," I inform him. Ryoutarou moans but opens a can and pours it down the drain.

"What if we just gave it away..."

"Kanji _doesn't_ want it," I quip.

Then Teddie is racing down the stairs, with Nanako lagging behind. "Morning, Tohru!" he yells.

"Sorry I didn't wake you," I mumble, feeling guilty. _He was nice..._

— _er than I am. That's what everything boils down to._

"Yes, you were too busy, huh?" Nanako remarks.

And I know she isn't even trying to get a rise out of _me_ anymore.

 _I know she's poking at me because it'll rile up—_

"Yes he _was_ ," Ryoutarou curtly replies before I can, lifting one of the cans to his face. I smack it away and he glares at me when he drops it.

The still-heavy can lands with a dull _kang_ ing sound. Cold beer drips into the sink and he stalks away. "I'll meet you in the car," Ryoutarou forces the words out and stomps off, grabbing his things.

I have about ten left... _If he leaves me here I'll really be pissed._

"I'll help you~" Teddie smiles, popping two more cans open and shaking them out.

I have to snicker a little at his enthusiasm. _It's something._

When we're finished I say goodbye.

"You're going to work?" the boy asks me.

I nod. "We'll pick up breakfast on the way," I say, scratching at my head.

He notices and pats my hand. I definitely grimace— _I know he's trying to comfort me but that isn't helpful._

"See you there," I tell him and walk into the garage.

I open the car door and Ryoutarou's smoking, looking _very_ pissed. "You ready to go?"

I nod and buckle up. He puts what's left of the cigarette out, and we start for town.

" _Did_ you eat?" Ryoutarou asks.

"No."

"Bakery?" he queries and I nod again.

He parks on the side of the road and exits the car. Standing on the sidewalk, he raises his eyebrows when I don't move.

"I can wait here," I tell him, sliding down in the seat.

"No," he says. "Come on. You can go in."

"You really want me to?" _It'll just cause more problems._

"Tohru," he says, sighing and opening my door. "Let's go."

 _He's standing there, on the sidewalk with his hand outstretched and what can I do but grab hold?_ I take his hand and climb out of the car.

"It's early," Ryoutarou quietly tells me. "It'll be better than yesterday."

"Sure," I halfheartedly agree, sticking close.

He pushes open the door to the bakery and we step inside. It's usually less crowed than the cafe to begin with, which is why he likes it. Only one person is at a table, reading the paper and drinking coffee. An empty dish rests nearby.

At the counter he lets go of me to pass them his thermos and take money out of his wallet. He asks for a sandwich for himself and melonpan for me.

"And a black tea," I add. "Please."

When we're in the car, I open the lid on my paper cup and take a look, feeling rightly paranoid.

 _Spit. A big hunk of it._

"What're you—" Ryoutarou makes a face.

"Nothing." I put the lid back on and smile as best I can. "Thank you," I tell him, eating the bread. It's been prepackaged.

He drops me in front of the textile shop. I grab my bag and then reach for the tea. Ryoutarou frowns—appearing suspicious—and snatches it up first. "You haven't touched it."

I close the door again as he lowers, ripping the lid back off and I flinch. He says nothing, and that scares me a little.

He just looks into the cup and turns a dark shade of red as he gets angrier and angrier. _What an idiot to do that when Ryoutarou's with me..._

"You can't arrest them," I say. "It isn't illegal."

"You deserve a new one. We _paid_ for it!" Ryoutarou spits. "I'll go back and—"

"No," I groan. "You had to have known this was going to happen..."

"It _shouldn't_!" he quips. "This isn't right and you know—"

" _What I_ _know_ ," I try. "Is that you can't go take this out on one worker at the bakery." Ryoutarou's staring me down, eyes blazing— _Absolutely seething._

I tentatively touch his shoulder and he lets me, still looking like his eyes are going to pop out of his head. "You can't take it back. You'll go apeshit. If I take it back, they'll say I spit in it myself."

 _This ain't my first rodeo._

I slowly take the full disposable cup and dump it outside the car. "It's going to be okay. Do you need to come inside and talk to Kanji?"

"No. I need to go back to the bakery."

Sighing, I pull out my phone and quickdial Kanji.

"Hey where are you?" he questions when he picks up.

"Outside in the car," I reply. "Trying to talk down a future murderer. I don't think I'm the best choice..."


	66. Everything's Catching Up (Kazoku)

NOTES: Yes: I listed my Discord because everyone should add me. It wouldn't let me upload my Iyami picture, so it's the Line illustration of Doujima just FYI. Al my other accounts are Iyami... Why wouldn't it let meeee...

I still haven't written the second half of Twenty-Two. Hope I get it done this evening. Been zonked out most've the day, actually. I'm in between jobs and insomnia's kicking in again.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One: Everything's Catching Up

(Kanji)

I know Tohru's desperate because he calls _me_.

"What happened?" I bark back.

"Somebody spit in my tea—" he huffs.

"That's all?" I quiz. _I thought it'd be a lot worse, from the way he said I needed to talk Dojima down._

Tohru makes some more aggravated noises before he speaks again. "Oh it's not _just_ that."

"I'm on my way," I tell him.

"Nanako's been snappy because of the drinking—Your little pet project told her. And Ryoutarou's acting like he can make everything better by chewing her out."

I can hear Dojima yelling that Nanako can't talk to Tohru like that. _This'll be fun._

Maybe Tohru dropped the phone because it all sounds far away. By now I'm out front where I can see them having it out in the car. Dojima's shaking Tohru by the shoulders and his tiny head is flying back and forth.

I hang up the phone and knock on the window. Dojima releases Tohru and whips around. His eyes widen when he sees me and he starts the car.

Tohru opens his door and hangs partway out, shouting that Dojima can't drive with the door open.

"Didn't he run over your foot like this once?" I groan.

"Fuck—" Tohru screeches as the car starts to slowly move forward.

"In or out!" Dojima growls.

I jog alongside the car and pound on the window. "Hey, c'mon Ojisan. People aren't gonna suddenly like him just because you yell at 'em. It's gonna take time and patience."

"He has neither!" Tohru's still leaning out, grabbing onto the roof. _I don't know why. Dojima clearly isn't going to stop the car._

 _Plus it's only going like seven kilos an hour._

"Tohru unlock the car," I call and he presses the button.

I jump into the backseat and Tohru pulls himself inside the car and shuts the door.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"I don't know," Dojima angrily concedes. "You're going to stop me from knocking sense into anyone."

"Well yeah..."

" _Sic 'im, Kanji!_ " Tohru shouts, pointing at Dojima. "You can do better than that!"

"Ojisan," I sigh. "Want me to go into the bakery for you?"

Tohru turns around, his face pleading. " _I_ wanna drop it!"

Dojima stops the car in front of the bakery and throws it into park. "If we don't stop this at the beginning it'll only get worse and worse." He shuts the engine and I think he's shaking. _Super angry._

"That make sense," I tell him. "So why don't you give me the cup." I reach forward and Dojima grudgingly passes it to me. "I'll be right back."

Inside, it's someone I've seen around who's behind the counter. Younger than me, but we've spoken a few times.

"Mornin'" I tell him.

"Hi," he replies in a friendly voice. "What would you like?"

I hold out the empty cup and he groans. "Yeah," I sigh. "My friend was dumping his tea and I asked why. Bad batch?"

"Maybe." He looks away, a sour expression in his eyes.

"Can we please get a refill? Or a whole new cup?" I try to ask politely.

He nods and retreats to another area. He gives me a new hot tea and a melonpan for free. "Please come back again," he guiltily recites.

"Thanks," I nod and return to the car. Tohru watches me nervously through the window. "Brand new cup, even!" I brightly tell him when I get inside. "Here. He gave you another bread, too."

"Thank you," Tohru says, and he looks kind of pathetic. Dojima nods, his eyes not leaving Tohru.

"I've got a store to open," I remind them. Dojima starts the car up again and drives us back to the house. "Today's parole officer day, right?" I ask after Tohru goes inside by himself.

Dojima sighs. "Yes. I'll give you a heads-up when I hear from him. I'll be there."

"Okay. Let me know." When I leave him, I see Dojima beat the steering wheel a few times for good measure.

I sigh and enter the store. I flip the sigh to 'open' and leave the door ajar.

"Tohru," I ask when I find him. He's nursing his tea in the backroom, staring ahead blankly. "You think you should maybe call that chief guy and give him a warning that Ojisan's going off on people?"

Tohru makes a pained face and agrees. "But I'm worried he'll get in trouble. He was officially warned to tone it down some time ago. He told me."

 _That makes sense. But isn't good for Dojima—He is this close to snapping._

"You know the number?" I ask. When he shakes his head, I pass him my phone. I have the station on speed dial.

Tohru sets down his tea and takes the phone. "Hi, may I speak with Chief Sakamoto?" I see him try. "Uh—This is Tatsumi Kanji!" he yells.

"No it's not!" I shout back.

After a pause, he changes his answer. "It's Tatsumi's phone. And we need to speak with the chief. So patch it through," he orders.

I fold my arms and wait. _I hope they'll let him talk._

"H-hi Sakamoto~" I hear Adachi say. "Yep! Enjoying the free life... Ha... Ha... No I have _real_ business," he sighs. "We're concerned... One of your particularly quick-to-anger detectives may go on a rampage. ...Yes. People are acting like you'd expect—Hell _I_ expected it! Yes. He left super aggravated. Maybe you could please talk to him? ...We _tried_."

He answers a few more questions and tells Sakamoto about the tea. Then something about Junes. He copies down another phone number and then ends the conversation with a "thank you" before hanging up.

"You think he'll be able to talk some sense into him?" I question.

Tohru snorts. "Dunno if _anyone_ can talk sense into that asshole. He asked if we tried. What does he think—We sent the land mine to work all riled up on purpose?!"

I see him start scratching his head and remind him that he has bread. "Oh yeah," Tohru replies, going for that instead.

But then he stops. "W-what if I saved it for Teddie?" He rubs his head this time. "Do you think he'd want it? I heard it's his favorite, too..."

"That Bear? Pass up food?" I snort. "He'd love you even more!" I can't help laughing, and it makes Tohru crack a smile, so maybe it helped.

"I'll leave it here, then." Tohru drops the bread back to the table and drinks more tea. "So what can I do today?"

I think, absently itching the back of my neck. "We'll be getting a shipment in about half an hour. Wanna help me with that?" He shrugs, so I take it as a 'yes'.

Tohru stays in the backroom, watching my mom make a kimono until it's time. Then I tell him we're heading out back and he rises to follow me.

I sign off on the load of dyes and fibers, and make sure everything is here. Tohru gets along fine with the out-of-towers from the shipping company. He speaks all friendly while he and a guy take the stuff out of the truck.

When they leave, Tohru collapses on the ground. "Whew!" he sighs. "I forgot how exhausting it is to act all nice..."

"That's only half the battle," I tell him. "We still need to bring these into the store."

Tohru laughs loudly and gives me a smug look. "That's easy! I'm worn out from that chatty guy, but I can bring these in, if you want— _That's_ not a bother. Where do they go?"

I shrug. "If you say so. You can stack them in the back room and I'll put everything away."

I watch as Tohru hefts a box filled with containers of dye and I gotta admit that I'm impressed. _Man—I knew that he was strong, but he didn't even grunt or anything when he picked it up._

I mean— _I_ think those are heavy.

"How much can you lift?" I ask our of curiosity. I follow him back with my own box.

He shrugs. "These aren't bad. How much do you weigh? Bet I can lift you."

I stare at him. "I mean like weights. Did you exercise when you were..."

"No!" he guffaws. "I _hate_ exercise!"

"You should check. See how much weight you can do. Dojima would help you."

"I can lift him!" Tohru grins, easily setting the box down.

I roll my eyes. "Still not what I mean."

Tohru laughs again and goes back outside for more boxes. I start unpacking and Teddie walks in.

"Hi," he calls out in a yawny voice.

"Didn't get any sleep?" I tease him.

But then he frowns. "Not a lot. They were all fighting..."

"Yeah, I heard." I stop speaking when Tohru comes back.

"Hey Bear~" he smiles. "I got you something, but you have to sniff it out for—"

Teddie immediately runs over to the table, honing in on the melonpan. "Is it this?" he asks.

"Yeah," Tohru grumbles. "That wasn't any fun..."

"It smells like it was in your bag," Teddie informs him, ripping the package open.

When Tohru goes back out, I turn to Teddie and fold my arms. "Ted," I try again. "Did you maybe tell Nanako something that upset her?"

The boy stops eating and bites his lip. He nods slowly. "I think I maybe started a fight..."

I sigh. "It's not good to get in other people's business like that."

Teddie eats slower, looking worried. "Nana's really, really angry."

"That's what I heard. Ojisan's pissed. Tohru is acting like the whole thing won't just blow over, and Dojima's been ready to snap all week. I don't like this."

Tohru comes back in and puts another box down. "I can near you two, y'know. The door's open," he says. "And I figured it was you, idiot. So now you have to help me make up with her, okay?"

Teddie nods.

"Good!" Tohru huffs. "Because if she and Ryou get to the point where they openly fight, it's going to be a complete shitshow."

"I've only ever heard of them fighting once," I add. "It was terrible!"

Starting to pace, Tohru groans. "You know why, right?" he asks, directing the question at me.

I shake my head. "Cause she's got her own little temper?"

"Nope. It's because he doesn't act like a real parent," Tohru tells us. "When I met her, Nanako was like a mini-adult. She did practically all the cooking, cleaning, and looking after herself. If he only acts like he's in charge when it's convenient—Well _that's_ not really fair."

Tohru sighs and stops walking. "They don't have a great relationship. They act more like unrelated adults who split rent."

"What about you?" Teddie pipes up.

The other man groans loudly again. "The only reason I don't feel bad I take up so much of Ryou's time is because she wasn't going to get it, anyway. And I kinda need it." He scowls and stars walking again. "I enjoy spending time with Nanako, but fuck—I'll never be like a parent. She doesn't _want_ one and it isn't my place to intrude on their dynamic."

I scratch my head, a little lost. "What do you mean?"

"I would never, ever try to tell Nanako what to do, or tell her that she can't say how she feels. Last night, Ryou was being such a fuckhead—" he spits. "He can't tell her how to deal with me because—really—she shouldn't have to!"

Tohru walks right in front of me and looks up at my face. He's got his hand laced behind his head, but his gaze is really serious. "And I thought about what you said, and I need to be more respectful that she lives there, too. _Okay?_ "

"Huh?" I say. " _You_ listened to _me_?"

"Yeah, dumbass," he hisses. "Just throwing a blanket over him wasn't the right solution, okay? I get that. I was being lazy, I guess." He looks away, glaring at the wall.

"Uhh, okay," I tell him. "A-as long as we're clear!"

"Don't get smart, punk," he scolds me, leaning into my personal space, before heading back outside.

I turn to Ted. "Hey— _That_ conversation needs to stay between us, got it?"

He nods quickly.


	67. More Excuses (Kazoku)

NOTES: I believe that "shisa" is a more commonly-known term that "komainu", but they're the same. Growing up, my dad always called them "foo-dogs" so what do I know?!

Did anyone notice that I have quite a few throwback quotes? In each story there has been at least one quote that one of the guys says that's some sort of throwback to an 'older' (timeline-wise) quote. This time it's the one about lying and the subsequent "talk to ME". I like that kinda stuff. Just wanted to let y'all know it IS done on purpose.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two: More Excuses

(Ryoutarou)

After they get out, I stay parked in front of the textile store for a few minutes, unable to calm down.

 _Tohru's right._

 _Kanji's right._

 _I shouldn't have gone in there. I would've knocked him out._

 _It's all building up and up and up and I'm liking people less and less. All the things I loved so much about Inaba are coming back to bite me._

 _I can understand disliking him, but exacting small acts of aggression—_

 _This vigilante crap snowballs too easily. I've seen it before._

 _Maybe I thought it would be too easy. I wanted it to be easy._

 _After all the years where I could only see him once a week. Sometimes twice. Sometimes he was thrown into solitary for being an instigator and it was not at all. All the court dates that sucked up more time._

 _The crippling fucking loneliness. Again._

 _I know. I know he's not a 'good person'. But neither am I._

 _I thought he could shape up, so I waited for him._

 _I know there's good in there, but because he's done what's probably the worst thing anyone can do—_

 _Because he's been the worst, no one will give him another shot. They want him permanently hung out to dry._

 _Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I—_

"Detective!" I hear as I'm yanked into Sakamoto's office. For the second day in a row.

I groan aloud. _Hadn't even realized I'd ended up at work on autopilot._

"Well I was told you'd be on a rampage, but you look more like..." He sits and drums his fingers on his desk, thinking.

I sigh and take a seat, nudging the door closed. "I look like _what_?"

"Not how I like to remember you," Sakamoto tells me, shaking his head. "You look like hell."

"I think I've _been_ there," I counter. "And it's better than this."

Sakamoto stares at me from across his desk and sighs. "I told, you this wasn't going to be easy. Do you believe me now?"

I grudgingly nod. "It's torture. I want to crack some heads."

"I know," he chuckles. "But there's that looming suspension and all."

"Then I'll _really_ go on a 'rampage'," I retort, starting to cheer up despite the dour tone of the conversation.

Sakamoto taps on his desk a few times. "Look, unless something actually illegal happens, all you can do is be your intimidating self. You can't lose it. That won't help anything... And it sounds as though Adachi doesn't want you sticking up for him."

"That's what he keeps saying," I grunt. "So I just sit there and take it, like I've had to all this time? Even when he's _right here_ and they're doing it in front of my face?!" I slap the desk.

"He did everything he had to in order to come back here. Had a fair trial, went to prison, behaved there, and so on. He—" I sigh. "He looked so sad. It really bothered me."

"Because of the tea?" Sakamoto wisely questions.

I shake my head. "At the depart—At Junes." I glance up and see him studying me. "Someone walked away mid-sentence when he came up behind me. I don't think it's because he wants them to like him, necessarily... But he always acts like I'd be better off sending him packing and I'm sick of it."

Sakamoto's still watching me seriously, and I hold eye contact. "You and I both know damn well that I wouldn't be better off on my own."

 _He knows it's the truth..._

My oldest friend nods once; a small sign of his agreement to the obvious. "Then you need to bear this with him. Talk to me and talk to Tatsumi—I know you two are friendlier than us, these days. Make Adachi stick close to you two, as well. People are less likely to lash out with either of you two komainu guarding him."

"Mmn."

"Now go get to work. I know you're leaving early for the parole officer," Sakamoto tells me, returning to his own duties.

"I'll keep you updated," I wave as I leave the office.

Sakamoto nods. "Good. Stay on your toes and keep calm. I gave Adachi my number and told him to tell me if things go south."

I groan. " _Super._ "

 **#**

I call Tohru and let him know that I'm leaving the station. I ask him to tell Kanji and he's surprisingly agreeable; yelling over to the other one while I'm still on the line.

Throwing everything I might need into my bag, I say goodbye to Yamamura. He's been yammering on for a while but I've mostly tuned it out.

"Shit," I grunt as I walk to the door. "I'll be in late, tomorrow. Tohru has a doctor's appointment."

"Leave it to me, boss!" Yamamura smiles. I roll my eyes and head out the back door.

 _I will never simply leave anything to a partner ever again. Not this one's fault, but it's what it is._

I order to-go from Aiya's and pick it up on the way. I park behind the store and open the door to the house without knocking. I slip off my shoes and toss my bags on the table. Teddie finds me first.

"Dojima-san~" he grins. "Have a good day?"

"Sure," I flippantly reply.

The boy fidgets before taking a seat. "They're doing stock. I told Tohru you're here and he'll be over in a minute."

"Thanks," I nod. I start taking Tohru's files out and grab the packet from the counter. "Oi, Ted." I look over at him. "Can you let us know if you get a funny feeling from this guy? Ryota did. I'm sure Tohru will also be able to tell, but..."

"But he's newer at it, right?" Teddie supplies.

"Sure," I evenly repeat. "We'll go with that."

"Okay!" he easily, excitedly agrees. _Happy to have a job._

The other two walk into the room right after, so I raise an eyebrow at the boy, hoping he gets the message to keep this between us.

He giggles.

... _I don't think he gets it._

I sigh and shake my head, turning my attention to Tohru. "Did you do well today?"

He smirks and flexes his muscles. " _I'm_ stronger than Kanji~" he boasts to me.

Kanji looks aggravated. "He won _one_ arm wrestle..."

A laugh escapes me as Tohru shows off more. Teddie nods, adding that Tohru doesn't _seem_ strong and he glares at the boy.

"Alright," I tell them. "Tohru and I need to discuss the plan, and you're still working, right?"

Kanji nods and ushers Teddie back to the store. I take two containers out of the plastic bag from the diner.

"Did you eat?" I ask Tohru. He begins to nod, but then thinks better of it and shakes his head emphatically instead. "Oh _really_?" I snort.

"Yep~" he sings, grabbing one and opening it. "Mabo..." he groans and opens the other. "Steak bowl!" Tohru cheers, grabbing chopsticks from a drawer and hands me a spoon.

I have to chuckle— _I did get the steak for him, but that's presumptuous._

"You decide who gets what?" I ask, smirking.

He shovels meat into his mouth, ignoring the rice. "I was just gonna eat the first half and then trade," he tries, eyes dancing.

"Would my half include less steak and more rice?" I query, eating the mabodoufu.

"No..." His eyes slide away as he says it.

I lean over and pat his back. "It was for you, moron."

"Really?" Tohru asks, looking unsure.

I raise my eyebrows. "Would I lie? And about something as trivial as _food_?"

Tohru rudely points his chopsticks at me. "That's how lying starts!" he exclaims. "It's small things and then it keeps getting bigger and bigger until you can't control it anymore."

 _That's ringing a bell somehow..._

 _Can't quite place it._

"Hey—" Tohru says, more loudly. "Whatcha thinking about? Talk to _me_."

I shake my head to clear it. _Major déjà vu, there._

"Let's talk strategy," I attempt to steer Tohru back on track. "Ito will be here within the hour." I stop speaking for a few more bites while Tohru appears to ignore my last comment.

"If we're pretending we don't know him, then you have to act like we're not together," I say.

"Why?" Tohru scoffs, rolling his eyes.

I sigh. " _Really?_ I'm your official volunteer. It's unprofessional. Borderline inappropriate."

"So... What?"

"Sakamoto gave me a lecture on being inappropriate last week, _so behave_." I shut my eyes, knowing this is all going to give me a headache. "We don't need more things to be looked down on for—Not much anyone can do now, but... Please _try_ to play along."

"Okay _platonic_ -work-partner-that-I've- _never_ —"

"Shut _up_ , Tohru! Take this seriously!" I shout, thumping the table—Can feel myself getting aggravated. "I'd tell you to go get me a coffee, but..." I trail off, reaching for my thermos.

He laughs, grinning. "But I've already given you the gift of all-day coffee~"

"I was gonna say that someone would spit in it," I mutter.

"Get over it," he huffs. "You remember that _I'm_ the bad guy here, right? Not the innocent townspeople, _plagued_ by Franken-Izanami's evil monster sent to bring judgment unto them~" he dramatically sings.

I exhale, then take another sip. _Can't smoke in here._

I feel my eye twitch. _If he continues that spiel I am going to snap..._

"They're _not_ innocent when they begin to retaliate. If we don't watch it, a few clods will become a landslide."

"Yeah yeah—I can handle myself," Tohru glares at me.

I sigh. _The last time you handled it by yourself things went badly._

"I _know_ what you're thinking," he testily growls. "Let them see I can let things go. That's _my_ plan. It'll likely blow over when I don't pay any attention. That's how bullies _work_." He waves his chopsticks around and smiles in a way I don't care for.

 _Too sad—I'd have to say despondent._

"Stop it!" I snap before I can stop _myself_.

His eyes bug out at me. "Jeez, what?" Tohru complains.

"Sorry—Just," I try. Then I'm honest. "If you get down about it, I really will crack some skulls."

He snickers. "Don't make me laugh when I should be yelling at you. Because really—" he smirks and leans closer to me. " _Love_ that you'd go on the offensive for me~ But you need to cool down. I told you that isn't the way to handle this."

I roll my eyes and push his face away. "We'll see."

"So you want any steak?" Tohru asks, changing the subject.

I shake my head. "I'm watching my cholesterol," I admit.

He can't hold in _that_ laugh at all.

"Jackass," I mutter.

"All that fried shit finally catch up with you?!"

"Yes. Har har... The exercise does help." I finish the tofu and rinse the container before throwing it in the bin.

"You always used to feed me that crap—Couldn't stand it!" he dramatically huffs, a smile creeping onto his face anyway.

When I sit down again, I open his file to glance at the details I've gone over so many times before. Tohru finishes only the meat and throws the rest away, then leans over me to see what I'm doing.

"Shouldn't read this," I grunt, closing it. "It might help so I brought it, but I don't want you going through it, understand?" I look up at him and he twists his face in something I can't quite parse.

Tohru grumbles a few words and then wraps his arms around my neck and leans down. "I won't," he tells me. "You need to go over it right now, though?"

"No," sadly admit. "I know every detail already."

 _I barely catch it—_

" _Mine_ the new case you can't let go of?" he mumbles, with his forehead burrowed into my shoulder.

 _But he definitely says these exact words._

— _They sting._

 _Because they're true._

I clear my throat and slide the folder away. "Tohru," I speak. "You know how I am. I will always wonder where I went wrong."

 _Because I didn't figure out that it was you—The person I was closest to—_

 _Which is probably what clouded my reasoning, but—_

" _You_ didn't," he asserts. "And the answers definitely aren't in _there_." He points to the closed file and then to himself. "They're in _here_." Tohru taps the top of his own head and heaves a sigh. "Is that what it's going to take to get you to stop obsessing over it? Cause I _am_ ready to move on."

I turn my head toward him and try to say it gently. "I want to know. Please tell me what happened."

"If we're already trading sob stories this weekend..." he mutters.

I lean back to drape an arm around him. "We'll have it all out on Saturday," I state. "It'll be _terrible_ —Really shit. Then after we'll drive to Okina for dinner. How's that?"

"Yeah?" he hopefully questions, turning his head so he can meet my eyes.

I nod. "You're going to _hate_ it," I chuckle. "I have a lot of questions."

He shrugs and leans forward to kiss me. I smile when I pull away.

"Alright. I want to prep," I say. "So let me reread the packets, at least."

Tohru nods and takes a seat. I check everything and review my notes on his terms of release while we wait.

It isn't long until there is a knock at the door. I stand to answer it, but Teddie bounds into the room, claiming it's his duty to answer the door. _I did ask for his opinion..._

"Hello!" Teddie greets the man.

"Hello," the stranger returns the gesture, squinting slightly.

"I'm Kuma!" he says.

The man doesn't react, only bows politely. "Ito," he replies.

Ito is tall, with slicked-back hair and sharp eyes. He's carrying a briefcase and wearing a suit.

"Mm- _hrmm_!" Teddie emotes. "It's beary nice to meet you~ Are you from around here?"

"Nope," Ito smiles. "Tokyo."

"Really?" I quip. "Same for me."

Ito moves into the kitchen and Teddie motions from behind him, wiggling his fingers in the air and dramatically sniffing around. He points at himself and then Tohru, who moans and lays his head on the table.

"Bad day?" the man questions and Tohru sits back up. "You're Adachi-san, yes?"

Tohru nods and dips his head in a curt bow. "Yes, hello."

"And who's Mr. Tokyo?" Ito smiles amiably.

"I'm Dojima," I tell him. "I was Adachi's partner and am now his volunteer."

Ito nods appraisingly. "You worked on his case and now you're his volunteer?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

" _Yes,_ " I reply. "We're close, but professional about it all."

I see Tohru perk up and I step on his foot. "Yep~" he smiles anyhow. "Best friend I could've asked for!"

"Touching." Ito rolls his eyes and opens his briefcase to take out a laptop. "I'd say that he doesn't need to be here for this, but you're also staying at the Dojima residence, yes?"

Tohru nods. " _He_ can go though." He quickly waves to Teddie, who tries to motion one last time before slipping back into the store. "I have no family, so I'm glad they took me in. It can be hard for ex-cons to find housing."

"And jobs," Ito adds, taking notes. "But Dojima-san informed me that you're working here?"

"Mm-hmm," Tohru replies. "I help with deliveries and stock. I'm also learning how to make yarn."

"Fascinating," Ito says, sounding as though he might mean it. The next question is directed at me. "How is he at home? Acting okay? Not violent or having mood-swings?"

I shake my head and pat Tohru's back. "He's been great, and gets along well with my daughter." _Expect today, but we won't mention that._

 _And there was the time I got stabbed and he tried to kill the other ex-con. And the guns he's hiding. And I'm fairly certain he and Kanji are going to come to blows soon._

"Nanako's my favorite~" Tohru adds and Ito laughs a little.

"How is Aizawa-san working out?" Ito tries next.

Tohru grins a little too widely. "He's super!" Tohru gushes.

 _Yeah, because you have him all figured out and malleable now._

I try not to roll my eyes. "Aizawa was happy that Tohru made progress last week. He'll be by again tomorrow."

"That's what I have written," Ito acknowledges. "Anything else I can facilitate for you? I would like to get Tatsumi Kanji-san's contact information before I leave."

"Yes," I say. "Do you know why he was released from his conditional sentence? We believe it has to do with a sketchy job offer."

Ito pauses. He looks between Tohru and I, frowning. "I don't know about that, I only saw that the paperwork come through. If it's 'sketchy', I have to suggest you stay away."

"Really?" I ask, stopping to sip my coffee. "It's government-related. You know _nothing_?"

Ito shakes his head. "No. But I discourage anything that could be criminal."

"Good. He won't be taking it, anyhow," I conclude. "Thank you for your time. I'll send Kanji in." Tohru shoots me a look but I ignore it and head into the store.

"Oi, Kanji," I call, coming up behind him while he knits something. "He wants to speak with—"

" _He has shadow!_ " Teddie runs in hissing out the words in as silent of a scream as he can manage. "He's off. He has shadow or he's a persona user or _something_! His definitely wrapped up in this, too!"

I hold up my hand to halt him before the boy crashes into me. "Good. Thank you." I smile down at him, then turn back to Kanji. "Keep your guard up, but you're Tohru's boss, so..."

"Got it," Kanji replies, setting down his project. He walks into the house while I sit at the table with Teddie.

"Did he do okay?" Teddie asks me.

I nod. "I think so. He wasn't trying to get under Ito's skin, at least. Or mine."

"That's good."

"Mmn." I glance around at everything mid-sort. There are fabrics, fibers, dyes, yarn, and string... "What did Tohru do this morning?" I ask Teddie.

"They put stuff away," he replies. "Kanji wrote things down while Tohru called them out and placed them where they belong. And he carried in _all_ the boxes! That usually takes Kanji a lot longer."

Teddie smiles shyly. "I think Kanji felt shown-up because Tohru's stronger... He didn't expect that."

"That guy," I sigh. "Yes. I didn't expect it either. I've been noticing little by little. Did you know he did the most damage during the fight with my shadow? They told me later—I had no idea."

"I can see that," Teddie tells me. "There's more going on than he lets us see."

"That's for sure," I grumble.


	68. Didn't Expect Any of That (Kazoku)

NOTES: Kanji apparently might have a little OCD. I was reading up on how he's always been a neat freak and loves organization.

Other research I've actually done for the current handful of chapters: what parole officers talk about; how to make fabric and yarn from scratch.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Three: Didn't Expect Any of That

(Kanji)

After I give Ito my phone number and email address, I ask a few questions. _Things like if I have to fill out any forms or something so he can work here. Or evaluations... That kind of stuff._

I'm almost done, when I ask what this guy thinks about the other job—Which I hadn't been told not to ask about.

"So you _don't_ think he should work with Dojima's mom?" I ask, pointing my thumb in Tohru's direction.

" _No!_ " Ito shouts. "It'd be a terrible ide—" Ito stops mid-sentence and his eyes practically pop out of his head.

"Kanji!" Tohru shouts. "You fucking dumb goon!"

 _What'd I do?!_

Ito shakes his head and tries to backpedal. "Th-that isn't—"

" _You_ got him!" Tohru's mouth hangs open in surprise.

"I don't know what you're talking about, can we please—" Ito tries one more time, almost pleading.

But Tohru's already hollering for Dojima. "Ryoutarou! _Ryoutarou—_ The idiot did it!" He points to me when Dojima runs back into the room. "He got Ito to slip."

"What do you mean, slip? I have no idea—"

"Yeah— _Save it, Stupid!_ " Tohru hisses, leaning over the table to bare his teeth at the guy.

Dojima looks around the room and clears his throat commandingly, which makes Tohru remember to back up. "What exactly happened in here?"

"Kanji got Ito to admit he knows about the job, Ryou," Tohru tells Dojima. Ito tries to plead his case one more time, but Tohru lunges at him again—feet flying—and yanks him halfway across the table by his shirt. "We have you, _rat_. Can you manifest out here, or will I get to slug you a good one?"

Ito sighs and waves his hand—And a Pyro Jack appears.

"Oh, dammit!" I swear. " _Another_ of these?!"

Tohru releases Ito with a huff and the man rubs his neck. "What do you mean ' _another'_?" he questions.

I receive a scathing look from Tohru. "Uuh… I've seen one before. A long time ago," I nod to myself, attempting to seem like I'm trying to remember.

"Hmm," Ito hums, unconvinced.

"Liii-ahr," the pumpkin drones in a dead voice.

We all startle, and I see Dojima reflexively reach for his gun before thinking better of it. Tohru's eyes flick to the other man and he gives Dojima a few small nods, telling him to get it together.

Ito folds his arms, now thinking he has the advantage. He smirks and waits, raising his eyebrows—Like he thinks Tohru _won't_ just do whatever he wants.

I have to let out a low laugh— _Tohru listens to nobody._

"What're you waiting for?" Tohru quips, advancing on the other man around the table this time. "Wanna see my Izanagi?" Ito's eyes widen for a second. " _Too bad!_ I need to manifest it under more supervision to get the money. I'm no dummy~"

Dojima steps forward to intervene before Tohru gets too aggressive again. "I don't believe there's anything left to say. We've some addendums and changes to the contract," he tells Ito. "Please send it back tomorrow." He picks up the folder and passes it over.

Ito frowns—Practically _glares_. But he takes the clear file and then Pyro Jack disappears. "I'll send him with it tomorrow," he curtly tells us and starts for the door.

Tohru grins at us while Dojima slumps against the counter. "That was nuts!" the older man sighs. "What _was_ that thing?!"

"Another Jack," Tohru replies, waving him off. "Like mine, but different."

Dojima glances at me and I nod in agreement. "There are more different personas than you can count," I add.

He shakes his head and closes his eyes. "Are they always that foreign?"

"Yes," Tohru laughs as he tells him. "They're _demons_. They're not supposed to look natural here." Tohru stands and walks over to Dojima, grinning. "Wanna see mine again?"

"No thanks!" the other spits. Then he checks his watch. "I need to get back to work. I'll see you two later." He gives Tohru an awkwardly cold hug, which makes Tohru pull him into a big hug and I have to chuckle.

"That's enough," Dojima snaps, pulling away and collecting his stuff. "Bye," he says as he puts on his shoes. "I'll pick you up, later."

Tohru throws him a thumbs-up and turns to me. "What's next?"

"We gotta finish the stock before picking up another task. It has to get done so things run smoothly," I explain.

Tohru huffs. "Didn't know you were such a neat freak…"

"Someone's got to keep everything in order!" I walk us back out to the other room, where Ted and my Ma are playing cards.

My mom smiles while Teddie's eyes pop out. " _I was working!_ " he shrieks.

"I asked him to keep me company," my mom answers.

"It's fine. Just help out anybody who comes by, okay?" I tell them. They nod and I go back to writing things down while Tohru calls them out.

"You think I could get a job like Kubo?" Tohru questions between bottles of dye.

"Maybe?" I reply. "If he has a regular job, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to."

I make notes of what else to reorder while he dawdles on his next sentence. "But his record was sealed. Mine will stay open—So they'll all know I was a murderer, as decided in court."

I sigh. "That's true. But isn't it why you're here? So you can start over and work your way to getting what you want?"

Tohru nods uncertainly. "I appreciate the opportunity, but if I can't have my old career back, I'd like to at least work on something I enjoy."

I nod. "I get that. It's what made me decide to do this."

"I thought—" Teddie starts and then makes an "oh" sound.

I groan. _Ma must've given him a look._

"No, I didn't get into college. But that's okay. I'd still like to teach and I can hold my own classes here." I turn behind me where the other two are slacking off. " _If_ we can ever get this room cleaned up and refinished!" Teddie looks guilty while Ma giggles.

"We don't even have the money to remodel it right now. Give it a little time. You've only been working for a couple of years, but you've made a real difference," she scolds.

 _I know I'm impatient…_

"What did he do?" Tohru asks, holding out a bottle so I can copy down the product number.

"The biggest improvement is that we serve a wider area," mom tells him. "Once I had him to make deliveries, we could cut out the middleman while opening earlier and working later. Family businesses have their drawbacks—But those same minuses for some families are boons for others, if everyone is all in."

I nod. "I don't mind waking up early to pack the car and drive stuff to another prefecture. They'll pay a premium if they're further out, and our work is getting around—Which means more orders with the higher prices."

"Even I help," Teddie adds. "I can answer questions on the phone and serve customers while they do the things I can't."

"It's true," I agree. "We're all equally important."

"I see," Tohru says, a blank look crossing his face.

I snap my fingers tog et his attention. "Look," I tell him. "You can stay as long as you'd like, but we can't pay you a lot because we're right in the middle of saving for the renovations. I told Ojisan and he said it was okay…"

I exhale and glance away. "But I am sorry—If you keep it up like you have today, you deserve better."

Tohru snorts and glares at me. "Don't pity me. We've been over this."

"It's not _pity_ , jackass," Ma yells over and Tohru still seems surprised when she swears. "If you're helping, then it's called being a good boss."

Teddie tries to stifle his giggling and I shake my head. "I'm just sayin' you're actually doing me a favor right now," I mutter. When I glance up for the next bottle, Tohru's got his face right up to mine.

"I can be less helpful, if you need _that_ instead~" he tells me, all snide and sneering.

I sigh and shake my head. "How the hell does Ojisan put up with you?" I question, reading the label.

"Same way I put up with him," Tohru easily replies with a grin.

"You're both crazy."

"I'm not arguing," Tohru shoots back.


	69. Family (Kazoku)

Chapter Twenty-Four: Family

(Nanako)

I don't see Teddie in his usual place, so I start towards the gate. When I pass through the break in the stone wall, I can see him and Tohru sitting down, leaning against it.

"Nanako~" Teddie waves to me, smiling. He jumps up to give me a hug.

I return it, but watch the other man more than Teddie. Tohru is muttering to himself, and has his hands under his sunglasses, pressing against his eyes.

Teddie fidgets uneasily and takes my hand. Then he steps forward and extends the other to Tohru. The latter stares at the outstretched hand uncomprehending until Teddie wiggles his fingers.

"Let's go~" my friend whines, motioning for Tohru to rise.

The older man sighs and uses the wall for support instead of Teddie, who makes a sad noise, but withdraws his hand. I rub the other one with my thumb and shoot him a knowing smile.

"Where to?" Tohru asks us.

I stare at him for a minute— _Really_ looking at him. And I realize how much closer his demeanor is to mine and Teddie's, rather than Dad's.

 _And..._

I wonder what he sees in Tohru. _They're nothing alike._

The man walking with the two of us is childish and awkward. He watches me and Teddie as though he doesn't understand why I let Teddie dote on me the way he does. My friend is all smiles and affection while the three of us make our way back to the store, and Tohru studies him with open distrust—

 _The way he looks at most people. But especially nicer people._

I sigh.

 _I'm still not over our last exchange..._

 _But I don't want to stay angry at Tohru-jisan._

Tohru walks a little behind us, his face flat as he glances around. _I can tell he's nervous to be out and about, but isn't that what he wanted?_

I let go of Teddie for a minute and smile, letting him get ahead of me so I can speak with Tohru. His face doesn't change, though I can't be positive— _Can't see his eyes because of the sunglasses._

"I was happy about what you did this morning," I try. His eyebrows turn down and he presses his mouth into a line. "Will you dump everything again if Dad buys more?"

Tohru nods. " _Yes._ "

"Thanks," I tell him.

"It was time," he quietly replies and then is silent as we walk further.

Tohru scratches the side of his head, nervous. "I told him he needs to listen to you about these things. And that I won't let him make bad decisions anymore—That we'll watch each other's backs and we need to be honest."

I nod. "That's good," I say aloud at the same time the thought buzzes through my head— _Because it is._

He smiles a little takes his hand out of his pocket to pat my shoulder. "I'm glad you told me what you did. It was important."

When he moves his hand back to his side, I snatch it up. "Well, we're family now, right?"

His mouth quirks away from the sad smile for a second—changes to something more unsure—but then he replaces it with— _Well, with a fake smile, I think._

"Hey—" I squeeze his hand a few times. "Am I wrong?"

He lets it drop away and a more pained look sets in. "You're not, but you really want me for family?"

"Yes." We walk without speaking again while I contemplate the notebook.

Tohru laughs—"I know you read it. You're _patient_ , but it's not your top quality," he smirks. "Are you only saying this because you know what I meant in that last part?"

I have to giggle, too. "I'm no moron—I know what's coming, and I think it's what you want. So you should do it. I'd be happy to have you, as long as you stay on your toes."

He nods in agreement. "I'm trying," Tohru softly admits.

"That's what I'm asking. _Think_ before you do things—I know Dad always says the same, but then it gets knocked right out of his own head. He likes to ignore the things he can't deal with."

"I know..." Tohru sighs and looks down at our hands. "Sorry I ruined everything before."

I cock my head to the side. _He doesn't mean the other day. Not this time._

"I—I _needed_ to say it. At l-least once," Tohru tells me, trying to yank his hand away. " _Directly_ tell you. Because it was my fault."

"Okay," I tell him and he relaxes. "I'm happy you told me more of the story, too. And I still feel the same. I barely knew what was going on at the time—I just needed to know so that I know."

I grit my teeth. "I don't like being the only one in the dark."

"Ryou didn't know, either," Tohru remarks, trying to placate me.

I shake my head. "He at least knew what was on the surface—Even if it was barely half of the story. You obviously know he wouldn't talk about it with me."

"I figured," he quietly confides. "He asked me not to—Right before I got out."

"Mmn." _That's what I thought._ "As long as you're honest with me, we'll be fine. I don't have a lot of family, and I like you."

Tohru nods slowly and speaks the most quietly and softly I've ever heard from him. "I know. I'll do my best."

"Good." I smile again and let go of him to catch up with Teddie for the rest of the walk.

At the store, Kanji is warping the programmable loom. "Are you both gonna go pick her up everyday now?" he questions, but he looks happy. _He can tell we're better._

"It's not like I get any other breaks!" Tohru scoffs. "The Bear and your mom are always playing koi koi like a bunch of old ladies in a park..."

"I'm no old lady," Tatsumi replies, stepping into the back room from the house.

"Sheesh!" Tohru teasingly retorts. "Then don't act like one~"

Tatsumi huffs and shoots him another remark. "Bet I'm younger than your mother."

"Wrong there! You can't be bec—" he jeers, then goes quiet, as if he can't even open his mouth. We all look at him for a minute before he excuses himself for the bathroom.

"What the heck was that?" Tatsumi questions.

I shake my head. "I don't know," I tell the others. "But I don't think any of his family is living."

Tatsumi sighs. "I didn't know."

"He hasn't said it in so many words," I reply. "It's just a feeling I get."

She nods and "hmm"s while Teddie tries to follow Tohru into the house. Kanji shakes his head. "Nuh- _uh_ , Ted," he orders. "Give him space."

Teddie grumbles but takes a seat. "What about snacks?"

"Just wait, please," Kanji says. "Come take a look at this. We got you learning how to use the manual loom, so I'll let you warp this if you learn how to work it."

My friend grabs a notepad and pencil to take notes. I come up behind them and look on as Kanji explains the functions and how to program the machine.

Tohru eventually comes back, sans sunglasses and eating a Topsicle. _He looks better._

"He got a snack without me?!" Teddie immediately blurts.

"Idiot~" Tohru smirks. "You said they were for me. What—I can't get my own?"

Teddie stares for a minute before nodding. "I can have one, too?" he asks, even though they're _his_.

"I don't see why not," Tohru replies, gesturing to the house.

When Teddie leaves, Tatsumi gives him a look. "Don't trick him like that."

"He'll learn," Tohru apathetically answers.


	70. The Window (Kazoku)

NOTES: Do we like Yukiko and Ryota chapters? It seems like the easiest way to include Yukiko is to have her be the spy—Which I do find pretty funny! And she needs a friend with free time.

I find it really REALLLLLLY funny to think about the Ex-Velvets sharing a home base outside of Inaba. It could be it's own story... (If you're unsure, it's Elizabeth who is the one experimenting on people, per usual.)

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Window

(Yukiko)

I see that Ito return to the Inn today looking ragged and angry. He requests a conference room at the front desk and I happily comply, reserving the adjacent room for myself.

I text Ryota to get over here if he has the time.

 _He let me know things went well before, that he was even included in planning for the others meeting Ito. And he was very excited that he got to meet Nanako and Teddie._

I get an almost instant reply that he'll take the next train. _Excellent. We can lend a hand, too._

He arrives much quicker than I expected and we have a little time before their reservation starts. "Did you take the train or fly?" I ask Ryota while we raid the kitchen for coffee and wagashi.

"TV then train," he admits, while I stack containers on a tray. "If I can fit, it makes things very easy."

"You _are_ tall," I marvel, looking up.

He grins and laughs. "Tatsumi said I'm taller than Kanji!" he chuckles. "I don't think people have ever seen someone taller than Kanji around here."

"Is that why you dyed your hair?" I ask.

 _It doesn't look very good... More of a faded brown than black._

Ryota groans. "Someone stayed for a few days who's friendly with Marie and convinced me that if I dyed my hair black I would stick out less like the sore thumb that I am. After, she told me she was really wondering if it would work on her. _I_ was the lab rat."

I try not to giggle too much.

"She was _something_ —" he grunts. "Apparently she stays every once in a while. Jackass told me I'd look 'more Japanese' and then after she told me: 'Oh, I guess it wouldn't work too well on me, after all.'"

Now I'm in a laughing fit—It takes me until we're back in the hallway to calm down.

We arrive before the people next door and I drop the shade so they can't see us. "We're like spies!" I grin.

"Sounds good to me," Ryota concurs, pouring the coffee.

I unpack mochi and slice youkan. Ryota glances at the food.

"Do spies always eat so fancy?" he jokes.

"They eat whatever they want," I shrug. "They're _spies_."

"Mmn," he nods.

We hear arguing as the people walk into the next room. Then the slam of a door. Ryota gives me a thumbs-up, which I quickly return before sliding my chair closer to the wall. He takes out a notebook and pen, poised to take down anything important.

The first thing we hear is Dojima yell that she can't believe that "the dumb one" tricked Ito. "You're a white-collar criminal! We had to fudge the numbers in order to catch you! You're a human calculator and _he makes yarn_ , for crying out loud!"

"Kanji," I whisper, trying not to laugh. _Kanji tricked Ito!_

Ryota nods quickly, writing down 'embezzler'.

I tune out Ito's argument and point to the notebook. "How do you know that?" I question.

"A gut feeling," he replies, tapping his pen on the table. "It's the wording she's using. He was likely an accountant, programmer, or lawyer. If they had to fabricate evidence, he knew what he was—"

We quiet as shouting drifts through the wall. "They want _these_ changes—" Ito moans.

"Knew what he was doing," Ryota concludes. "Also means they really need him. _And_ that we have something new on Naichou."

"All right!" I smile, taking a bite of mochi. "This could be easier than I thought."

Ryota pauses and frowns. "There's always the possibility they know we're in here."

"Why would you think—" Before I can finish my sentence, a persona appears to float through the wall!

It's a Pyro Jack, and glancing slowly back and forth between us with its dead eyes. "Shaa-doh," it croaks. "Yes."

We're too stunned to do anything—Until there's a knock at the door.

Ryota grimaces and eyes the window. _We're on the second floor._

The knocking comes again, louder this time. "Come out, shadow," Ito tiredly commands. "I can sense you—Jack confirmed it."

"Go ahead," Ryota groans. "I'll be fine—But _you_ can't manifest out here. Pretend you don't know anything. I was interviewing you for Marie."

I nod, happy he's quick on his feet. When I open the door, Ito appears surprised. "The owner," he murmurs, frowning. There is a dull _whoosh_ ing noise behind me as his persona disappears.

"Yes?" I demand, trying to appear more commanding than I feel. "I can't use a meeting room for my business? And what was that terrible _magic trick_?! You shouldn't scare guests with such things!"

"Chairman!" he shouts, backing up. "I was wrong—"

Then Dojima stalks down the hall, sighing loudly— _Completely unconvinced_. "I'm very sorry to interrupt you," she tries. "But is there anyone else in there with you?"

"Beg your pardon?" I quip. "I'm in a meeting with an acquaintance. He's working on a story for the local news—"

Dojima pushes past me, rolling her eyes, but then stops short. "Who the _hell_ is this?!" she growls in a low voice, staring right at Ryota. _Who looks like the pathetic 'after' shot of a bad makeover—With the hair and blue eyes and how freakishly tall he is._

"Is he the one?" Dojima questions, amazement in her voice as she points at her son's shadow.

Ito tentatively steps forward and studies Ryota before nodding. "That's who I was sensing."

"Hnn," Dojima grunts. "I think we should arrest him."

" _What?!_ " I shout, stepping towards the tall woman. "You can't arrest him for sitting in a confence room!"

But unfortunately that's all it takes for skittish Ryota to panic and teleport out the window, like I was afraid he would. I see him helplessly wave and then teleport again, completely out of sight.

"Well that was fucking bizarre," Dojima grunts. "But now we know for sure..."

Ito nods. _They both know he's not from here._

"Amagi Yukiko," Dojima sternly turns to me. "You'd better not leave Inaba. We'll need to ask you some questions." She pulls a case from her jacket pocket, which she flips open to show a badge and card: identifying her as Naichou.

 _This is not good..._


	71. Visitors (Kazoku)

NOTES: I'm seventy words short of my self-imposed minimum... But I couldn't finish the next scene where they call Yukiko and then talk. So I'll break it up with Tohru's next chapter with Kubo inside the TV! It's not that I like him... He just always gets ignored in stories. And I like having someone in a similar boat as Adachi.

Because I'm literally halfway through what was supposed to be THIS chapter, I won't be posting again until Friday night.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Six: Visitors

(Ryoutarou)

We're pulling into the garage when Tohru realizes something isn't right.

"The house—" he angrily tells me. "Someone or some _thing_ 's inside..."

I click the garage door shut anyhow, but he hisses and opens it again. _Thought this would take more time to come out._

"I gave Ryota a key," I confess with a sigh.

"W-what?!" he complains. "Does _everyone_ get a key?"

I roll my eyes. "Why I didn't tell you," I quip, pressing the button once more so the door comes fully down.

"I'm still going inside first," he grumbles, practically jumping out of the vehicle. I sigh and walk around to the entrance.

When Tohru reaches for the lock, the door swings open on its own and he throws me away from himself, kicking out and landing Ryota a solid smash to the knee. The other man curses a few times and buckles to the ground before healing himself.

"If I were human, that would've blown out my knee!" he rages at Tohru, standing again. "You should see who's there first—That's ridiculous!"

I pick myself up and groan. "Thanks for throwing me again—I'm getting real sick of this being your reaction to ' _danger_ '!"

Tohru moans and grabs at his head. "I can't take the both of you anymore! Ryota—Don't scare me! Why wouldn't you wait outside?! Ryoutarou, if I say I'm going in first, _back the fuck up_!"

Ryota and I both start to yell again and Tohru glances back and forth because we're talking over each other. " _Shut up!_ " he howls and we fall silent. " _What's_ gone wrong?" he demands from Ryota. "That's obviously why you're here."

" _Ohh_ —Ah—" Ryota guiltily stalls.

"How bad is it?" Tohru tries again.

Ryota moves aside so we can enter the house. " _Bad._ "

Tohru sits at the table and motions for us to join him. Once were all sitting, Tohru and I wait for Ryota to explain his visit. He fidgets while Tohru makes aggravated sounds.

Finally cracking, Ryota babbles more than makes coherent sense. "We were trying to help again and then we were confronted by a demon and his demonic mother and I almost got arrested and I escaped out the window and—"

"Woah!" Tohru cuts him off. "Start from the freaking beginning! I have no idea what you're talking about. Ryoutarou?" he turns to me.

I shake my head and Ryota starts over. He relates the story, starting with the invitation form Yukiko up to the part where he teleported a few times to get away out of desperation.

"I hadn't considered until after that she was trying to get me worked up so I would slip," he sadly concedes. "I played right into their hands. I'm worried about Yukiko..."

" _You fucking should be!_ " Tohru harshly rebukes him. "Now we have to go over there and— _Argh!_ We would've had the upper hand!"

When he's done speaking, Tohru actually smashes his head on the table. Ryota and I jump up, our chairs falling over.

"Tohru— _Goddammit!_ " I bellow, hauling him back to sitting. "That's not going to help! What is wrong with you?" _I am at the very end of my rope already—_

"I'm fine," he mumbles, a bruise already forming on his forehead.

I turn to Ryota, incapable of words. The other man loudly grumbles, but heals him before righting his chair and sitting again.

"Not what I wanted," Tohru sulks.

I exhale and try that counting thing again. "What _did_ you want?" I ask, managing to sound more strained than wrathful.

Tohru makes a scared noise and puts his head in his hands. " _I don't know_. This is getting out of control and I don't know what to do!"

"Hurting yourself isn't the answer. It does nothing but upset me," I explain, sounding more calm than I feel. I rub Tohru's head while Ryota mouths that he's "fucking bonkers".

I wave Ryota off and close my eyes before tying again. "We'll think of a plan—Don't react like that."

Tohru suddenly snaps his head up. "What if we outnumbered them?"

"Outnumbered _how_?" I uneasily question.

Tohru glances at Ryota, who looks indecisive for a few seconds before nodding. "But who would want to get involved in all _this_?"

My partner grins crazily and jumps to his feet. "I know _just_ the guy~" he proclaims, taking out his phone and dialing someone. "We'll have one more we can show off, and he'd be happy to have a any sort of persona again."

"Hi—" he curtly greets the person on the other end of the line. "Are you near a TV? You want a contracted demon? ...Yeah, it's not the same, but still fun." There's silence before Tohru tells them to wait few minutes; that he'll send a guide.

Shutting his phone, Tohru calls for Black Frost. The demon silently blinks into the room. "You have any Jack friends who need something to do?" he quizzes the snowman.

"Ho yes!" is quickly replies. "Was waiting for friend to ask, hoo~"

"Remember Kubo?" Tohru asks it and I groan. He shows the demon a picture on his phone and it nods, twirling through the air. "Get your friend and meet me in my Hideout with Kubo. Take him there for me, okay?"

The thing bobs through the air smiling. " _Hee~_ " it giggles and disappears.

"I'll be back in a bit," Tohru tells us before running upstairs.

"Kubo..." Ryota muses. "Didn't he _kill_ you?"

I sigh and rub the bridge of my nose. " _Yes. Yes he did._ "


	72. Co-Op Engaged (Kazoku)

NOTES: Check out ribbonsandcorpses on Tumblr for a post with art for Mukidashite! She drew up sketches of a couple of scenes for fun and it's THE BEST!

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Co-Op Engaged

(Tohru)

Upstairs, I take down my television and jump inside, making sure I have a clear picture of the house in my head.

 _I should really expand it. In case we ever need to hide out._

I take a seat on the couch in my usual spot, and cross my legs. _He'll bite. He wants a persona—Doesn't want to be weak or left out._

 _The kids took care of his shadow for him. If he agrees, Naichou can work him till he can summon—I don't give s shit, but I doubt it'll be an easy negotiation if eh can't even summon inside the TV World._

 _So I need to give him a leg up. A contract like my own._

 _This is the one thing I'm good at... Need to own it._

I pick at the couch for a few minutes, wondering when the others will show. I stop when I hear a loud _boosh_.

— _what the fuck?!_

Something appears to blink through the door, and it's swinging around a goddamn switchblade!

"Yaah! Fuck!" I scream, scrambling to my feet and holding a pillow in front of me. It thankfully stops short, letting the blade drop to its side.

"Hoh hoh hoh!" it cackles. "You're Friend, yeah?" It's a skeleton maybe four feet tall and dressed in a way I can only describe as _dapper_. If not for the screaming skull of a face, I'd think he was a confused child.

I drop the pillow and fold my arms. "What the hell kinda Jack are _you_?!" I demand.

He flicks his knife in and out of its sheath. "Ripper. Like 'Jack the Ripper'—I'm what everyone's rumor-mongering created. From the Collective Unconsious—They needed something to blame those murders on. I've got the drive to back it up, too."

I nod appraisingly— _Happy I spent time reading up on this shit. I know more of the terms, unlike the rest of the idiots who still call everything a 'shadow'._

"Let me see that," I demand of the new Jack, jumping off the couch and extending my hand.

"Only if I can cut you," he smartly replies, his orby eyes narrowing in a mean way.

I raise an eyebrow, considering, when my own Frost tumbles through the air, flickering into the room with Kubo trailing behind him. "Hoo~" he calls out. "Don't let him, Friend. Has disease."

I glare at Jack Ripper and return to my arms-folded stance. The short demon turns his own nasty look on mine and I roll my eyes.

"Wh-what's this all about?" Kubo asks, rubbing his arm in a nervous manner. "Is that mine?"

"If you accept my contract, that is," Jack Ripper quickly retorts. "Shall we slash out the details?"

Kubo shoots me anxious look and I agree to go over it with him. The three of us sit around the kotatsu while my snowman float around the room, poking it's head into different crevices where things don't quite meet.

"Like that Jack, you can't unsummon me," Jack Ripper states. "That's non-negotiable. All Jacks require this so that we may work behind the scenes as separate parties."

"It's a pain in the ass," I concede. "But he's been more help than harm—Except for you _killing_ my partner..." Kubo rolls his eyes but I think he feels remorse. It's why he's helped me out before. _Good. I can use that._

I sigh and watch my own little pile of trouble still flying around as if he's never been here before. "They also tell whatever version of the truth serves them, or makes the most literal sense. It's a freaking toss up, which has also bitten me back. Make sure to word your questions _carefully_ , okay?"

Kubo nods, glancing at his new pal. "What do _you_ get out of this?" he asks in a defensive tone.

"To roam the human realm," Ripper bluntly tells us. "Jacks can only be called in during a crisis or through contract. More and more of us are getting pulled in and I'm glinting at the opportunity."

Kubo shrugs. "I'm in. This has all been too boring. I want that power back—That feeling I can be more than myself."

Ripper extends his free hand to shake on it, but I tell him to back off. "First I need to tell you what _I_ need from _you_." We study each other carefully. "There's no such thing as a free demon banquet."

"Hah!" Kubo laughs. "Hahaha! I've got you. I wouldn't expect niceties from someone like yourself."

"Yeah," I reply. "We get each other, huh?" When Kubo laughs, I start to explain the deal I've been offered. "And one of our friends has gotten into some trouble with the Naichou bitch and the new Jack's henchman. Actually—You know that Amagi girl, don't you? It's her, and we'd like to get her off while earning you a deal of your own. But you'd need to prove you have what they're calling 'the potential', which you can do by showing off this nutcase." I jab my thumb in Ripper's direction and he swings his blade me.

"If you cut me, I get to hold it," I sneer back. "A deal is a deal." It nods thoughtfully, flicking the thing around some more.

I turn back to Kubo. "So if you don't want to help out with Naicho—and make an obscene amount of money—I'll need to eject you and try _another_ shady, power-lusting idiot who lives paycheck-to-paycheck."

Kubo's mouth quirks up in an unsavory manner. "Are you so different?" he scoffs— _Challenges._

"Nope~" I grin. "It's why I asked _you_. But—And I promise this very literally." I point my finger at him, cocking my thumb like a gun. "If you ever hurt my family again, I will tear you limb from limb. And no persona, shadow, demon, or god will be able to help you."

"Hah!" he jeers. "As if those normies would really see you like that! _A convicted murderer really living with police!_ " he breaks off cackling, like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard of.

I can feel myself scowling now—

"You'll watch it," I warn him in a low voice. And when Kubo settles down I can see him jump at my change in demeanor. "At least half of Inaba knows by now—The cop and I are in very close relationship, and you'll respect that or this won't work. And if it _doesn't_ —"

I raise my eyebrows and smirk as evilly as I can. "Then maybe one day during your pathetic little existence, you'll just disappear. And no one will ever be able to find you."

"Cut the bullshit," Kubo sighs and rolls his eyes. "I'm in." Then he looks away and mutters—"At least you have _somebody_."

"Don't get all sappy and depressing!" I huff. "We're going to be in close contact. You and I will at least be friendly." I huff. "I did invite you over."

"Okay, yeah..."

"Plus it'll be better to have a bit of an alliance, you catch? Cause trust me—This crap's _entrenched deep_. And I have the connections you'll need."

Kubo grunts out another laugh. "Oh really?"

"If you don't trust me, you'll regret it~"

After one more mocking look, Kubo holds out his hand to his newest ally.


	73. Drawing Conclusions (Kazoku)

NOTES: I'm slightly worried I'm veering into the ridiculous again for comedy's sake. Just remember it's on everyone to reign me in if it's too stupid~

I also had two ideas last night! One is an EXTREMELY cliché plot twist that I really wanna do because fun. But if people hate clichés... Then it may not be fun. I've got a few more chapters before it'll come up. So if you're concerned you're gonna groan too much, lemme know.

Lastly, it could be the lack of sleep talking, but I had what I think is THE BEST idea. I was dumping onsen bath powder into my tub and I was like "SHIT! HOT SPRINGS! It's like dinner when the showdown starts—I bet Ryota and Kubo will miss the last trains. EVERYONE SHOULD STAY AT THE INN OMG." I skipped ahead to write parts of it and it's suitably awkward and cringey and funny (to me at least). So look forward to it~

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Drawing Conclusions

(Ryoutarou)

Left to our own devices, Ryota and I decide Yukiko had better play dumb. I dial the front desk to the Amagi Inn and ask for her. She picks up, sounding anxious.

"Hi," I say. "It's Dojima. Are you free?"

"Yes," she tells me. "But only for a minute"

"Alright. Two words for you: _play stupid_. Pretend that you don't know anything about Ryota. Him working on a story will check out with Marie—We've already made sure."

"Mmn," she sighs. "I'm glad. Tell him I deleted all of our texts and his number. Have him resend it after this is over. Has he told you the information we found out?"

I shake my head. "No. Is it good news?"

"Yes and no," she cryptically replies. "Just have him explain. I need to go."

"Of course," I tell her and hang up. Then I turn to Ryota and sigh. "Yukiko asked that you resend your contact information after this is done with. She's already started with the plan—She's got more brains than she lets on sometimes."

Ryota laughs. "Yes. It was a good plan—But I forgot he could sense me too, until it was too late... My fault," he groans. "I wanted to help, but instead I just got her into trouble."

"No," I tell him, shaking my head. "In the long-run this won't mean anything. You should know that Yukiko won't hold it against you—Oh, and what's this other piece of information she said you can tell me?"

"Oh! Yes—" Ryota straightens up, remembering. "Ito was pulled into this even more aggressively than Adachi. We heard them admit to a false conviction! We don't know how or why Ito is a persona user, but something _big_ must have happened..."

"Hnn," I breathe. "Interesting... We can definitely use that."

"Sounded like embezzlement or book cooking. They couldn't catch him legally, so they fabricated evidence." Ryota pulls out a notebook and shows me the parts he took down. "I bet we could find a trace if we look hard enough, but that's not the most important part."

I nod in agreement. "The most important part is how desperate they are for links."

"Naichou's known for creating mountains out of molehills. The need results—" Ryota starts.

I pick up the thread. "And now that they have Namatame, they're slightly less desperate because they know Tohru's more dangerous and less likely to cooperate."

"And they incorrectly chose your mother for the job not _just_ for her credentials—But also her perceived closeness to Adachi. They thought she could net him easier."

We both groan.

"This is warped."

"Yup."

I stand to make coffee, but then hear multiple set of footsteps upstairs. Ryota and I glance at each other, and then he also rises, raising his hand to summon Yamantaka—And the terrifying god appears in my living room.

I can't do that, so I pull out my gun and undo the safety. _It'll have to do._

We wait.

And wait and wait and wait—

But there is no more noise.

 _The footsteps have stopped..._

I motion Ryota to follow me up the stairs. I creep to Tohru's room, while Royta conceals himself in the bathroom. I signal him and throw the door open!

To find the morons—Tohru, Kubo, and some kid—sitting on the futon with games scattered around them. Black Daruma floats through the air nearby, watching with interest.

"What the hell!" I growl, holstering my gun. "You couldn't let us know that you're back? We were worried something else came out of the TV!"

"We?" Kubo asks, confused—Then screams when Ryota comes up behind me and pushes me into the cramped bedroom.

"Oh the big guy's a shadow!" the kid laughs, finding it funnier than it is.

I frown. "Who's the kid?"

"Kid?!" Ryota breathes. " _No way!_ He's a powerful demon..."

"Hoh hoh!" it bellows in a voice that _is_ incredibly deep for such a tiny body. "I do rely on humans believing this is a mere costume."

It narrows its eyes at us and I gulp, reflexively backing into Ryota. He puts his hand on my shoulder to steady me. _A mask wouldn't be able to do that—_

When I'm back to myself, I take charge once again, "All right!" I clap my hands a few times and groan. "Party's over. We need to go to the inn..."

Kubo turns to Tohru and fidgets with a game box. "Do you think she remembers me?" he quietly asks.

"Ooh you'd better hope not~" Tohru scoffs. "You were a grade-A _stalker_!"

Ryota's grip tightens on my shoulder and I push him away. "H-he was?" the man demands.

"I didn't know that," I add.

Tohru rolls his eyes. "Well duh! They barley spoke and he kept telling her he was in love with her!"

Kubo's glowering and tuning red when I notice a clicking noise behind me. I sigh and take out my own cell phone. "Use mine," I tiredly instruct Ryota as I pass it behind myself. "You don't know each other, remember?"

"Oh good!" he remarks. "Real buttons! Hey—Did you that on the newer phones you only press letters once? Marie said she couldn't be bothe— _Adachi_." Ryota pauses; eyes wide. "Did you go inside the TV?"

"I do what I have to," Tohru quips, his eyes shifting to me. " _I do what I have to._ "

"Come on," I tiredly order, filing that away to discuss later. "Everyone to the car. Demons conceal yourselves until they call for you... That's the drill, right?" Kubo rises, pocketing some small game Tohru hands him.

Ryota's still practically burning a hole through Tohru, who refuses to look at anyone but me as he stands and walks through the door. I follow behind him, shrugging at Ryota.

The two demons vanish and Tohru leads everyone to the garage. I grab my keys and take my phone back to message Kanji, then pass it to Ryota again because it's still buzzing.


	74. Future Plans (Kazoku)

NOTES: In the English version of the Animation, Adachi gets called "Lame Cop". I can't remember who said it now, but I think it was Yosuke... I can also see Aika making a joke like that, so I stuck it in. I feel as though the two of them probably saw a lot of each other—You see him ordering food a few times, and I have that he got a lot of takeout (mentioned in Kazoku and Watakushi).

I can't remember what Daidara's English voice sounds like, but I always seem to imagine him with a voice like Jet from Cowboy Bebop.

End Note: I've been kinda stalled in terms of Nanako/Teddie outings. Masa is constantly yelling at me to send them on more dates... So today he 500% seriously asked me to have them go ride a swan boat (we saw some at the park). I told him that isn't really likely, but I came up with this instead. I hope the Nanako/Teddie (Masa calls them "NanaKu") readers are satisfied they at least have PLANS to do something besides sitting around Inaba all day... ;)

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Future Plans

(Teddie)

When Nana and I are waking to her house, she receives a text that makes her stop short. She quickly types back and pockets her phone, sighing.

"What is it?" I ask, swinging our arms around.

"We're on our own for dinner again. Tohru-jisan said that something apparently came up and they won't be back."

I hum, thinking about what we should do. "Should we go back to buy food or order?"

Nanako laughs. "Let's order. We haven't done that since last weekend. I think we deserve it!" She smiles after, but I know she's still frustrated

"Yum!" I excitedly agree, and I see her expression turn more genuine—Which makes me grin back. "Don't worry!" I assure her. "We'll have fun."

"Of course," she agrees, squeezing my hand. "I don't doubt it... I just wanted to fight with Dad and get it over with."

I laugh before I can think better of it, and she turns to me surprised. "I've never seen you fight before!" I shriek, unable to stop giggling. "It just feels funny~"

Nana sighs. "Yes, okay. I can understand that."

"Hey!" I interrupt her bad mood with a good idea. "Let's go out instead! We can order food to the riverbank and it'll be like a picnic~"

"It is summer," Nana shrugs. "It'll be light out late. Alright. Let's call Aiya's and head straight there." I tell her what I want and she orders the food on her phone. "We haven't done this all summer," she finally laughs.

"I know! It'll be super-special. We can have more fun than everyone else!" I shout, running ahead a little to tumble down the steep hill, holding my bag out to the side so my stuff won't get squished.

At the bottom, I jump up and start to collect stones to skip. Nanako slides down the hill and lands nearby, and I feel bad when I realize we should've gone home so she can change.

"If you want," I start. "I can wait for the food while you go change. So your clothes don't get dirty!"

She laughs. "It's fine—I'm careful."

I hand Nanako some of the stones and we see whose can get farthest. When the pile is almost empty, we can hear a moped idling up by the street.

"Delivery!" Aika calls, looking down at us.

We wave and she brings the food down. "Thanks~" I tell her, trying to hand her the money.

"Nn-nn," she replies, handing us chopsticks to go with out bowls. "This one's on me. Things have been rough for you." Her gaze flicks to Nana when she says that last part. "I hope you enjoy."

When she turns to leave, Nanako asks her to wait. "What do you know, Aika?" she questions the other girl.

Aika shrugs and turns back around. "I know things have been tough with Lame Cop around town. Tell him to stop by if he wants." With that, she walks back to her bike and takes off.

Nanako looks at me and raises her eyebrows. I shake my head—But then remember the tea.

"Ooh..." I breathe. "People aren't being nice to Tohru. I wasn't there for any of it, but they were talking about it... Kanji had to go get him a new tea and he was telling Kanji that people at Junes were walking away from Dojima..."

Nanako sighs and starts to eat. "Things have been hard, but not just because of that. We've also had a few fights of our own—You and I were mostly left out, but I know it's taxing on everyone to fight—And it can make them cranky," she giggles at that last part.

I nod in agreement while I slurp my noodles. We lapse into silence while we continue to eat. Sometimes, it's nice just to be together.

We watch the water and it's nice and calm. I like the river—It makes me feel peaceful.

My cellphone rings and I pick it up, setting down my large bowl of ramen. "Hello~" I ask.

"Hey Bear," Kanji sighs. "Not only are you on your own for dinner, but they think this is going to take a few hours. Get to bed on time, okay?"

"Mm-hmm!" I tell Kanji and hang up.

I start to go back to the food, when my phone rings again. "Hello~~"

"Ted!" Kanji groans. "I wasn't done! You guys can stay at either house, but you know the rules. Text me to let me know, okay? I expect you on-time tomorrow, like usual. I'll be on—" he stops speaking to yawn. "—O-on time!"

"Okay!" I reply and hang up again. "We're on our own again!" I excitedly tell Nana. "Like we're the adults~"

She laughs and rolls her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder," she tells me.

"Hey Nana!" I remember. She looks over at me questioningly. "I have a surprise," I carefully admit. "It's not done yet, but I can show you."

"Okay!" Nanako agrees. "Where is it?"

"In town," I say. "Should we bring the dishes back with us?"

"Mmn... I think leaving them by the road is better. Aika always comes back later—Don't want to mess her up!"

I laugh at that. _It's true._

I put the lid back on and the chopsticks on top, waiting for Nana to finish her food. After, we leave them by the top of the stairs and walk back to the Shopping District. "So where are we going?" she asks me.

"Daidara's!" I grin. "We've been working on it for a few months. He's been showing me what to do and I come by whenever I'm free~"

The Metalworks is closed for the day, so I lead us to the back and use the key Daidara gave me to get inside. "Ojiisan!" I call out. "Ojiisan, Teddie's here! With Nana! To show her the t-h-i-n-g!"

After a minute, we can hear him coming down the stairs. "Teddie," he sighs, walking into sight. "It's 'oj _i_ san'. There's only one 'i'—The word for uncle."

Nanako giggles. "'Ojiisan' is a little rude," she tells me, covering her mouth so she doesn't look rude, too. "It's for _really_ old men..."

I smile. "I'll get it eventually~"

"I know," Daidara grins back. "So the thing we've been building? You wanna show her?"

I nod quickly and lead us through the back door again. In the yard, I skip over to the second workshop—This one has a big bench and loads of woodworking tools. I use another of the keys and realize I have a lot of keys, now. _I also have one of Shiroku's for when I help with clean up when she's short-staffed, one for Rise's grandma's house in case she needs help, my new Dojima key, and the keys for the Textile shop and our house. So many people are counting on me!_

I smile at the memories as I open up the second building. I dart inside before the others to turn on the lights and take the tarp off of our project.

"Wow!" Nana gasps when she sees what's really starting to look like a small boat.

"It only needs another bench and painting!" I yell, pulling Nana closer so she can see everything better.

"And sealing," Daidara sternly prompts me. "Sealing is different, remember? If you want to bring it to the beach, it'll need both."

I nod. "Right! So it'll take a couple more weeks?" I hopefully ask him.

He chuckles. "That should be it. We've done a lot of work—You should be proud." I feel Daidara pat me on the back and I give him a really big smile.

"Thank you for teaching me!" I bow deeply.

He laughs louder at that. "It was fun! Now you know a lot of the different tools, too. It'll serve you well."

"But..." _I just realized—_ "When we're done, can we still hang out?"

"Of course!" Daidara smiles kindly. "We can always make something else. Or I can teach you how to fish from the boat—We should add rod holders..."

"I don't..." Nanako trails off.

"Nn?" Daidara asks.

She frowns a little, like she's not sure if she should say anything. "I don't know if Teddie will like fishing. You have to stay still for a long time."

"Oh, he'll be fine," Daidara assures her. "We talk for hours—Well, he does most've the talking, that is."

Nanako giggles, nodding. "I hope you have fun!"

" _Huh?!_ " I blink a few times. "You're coming, too!"

"Of course," Daidara concurs. "That's what he's been saying this whole time—This whole thing started because he found a rotting canoe by the riverbank and wanted to fix it up—To go boating with you. I convinced him that a rowboat's a much better, _more stable_ idea, and we drew up plans..."

He shrugs. "It's been _work_ ," he says with a glance at me. "But it's been worth it. I have so many tools and I love to build... And I'm happy that someone took an interest."

"Yeah!" I jump in. "Daidara has a big truck and we're gonna put it in the back and he can fit three people—Him, me, and _you_ ~"


	75. Messages vs Minutes (Kazoku)

NOTES: Did more research on boat-making (read up on both canoes and rowboats), prison in the US and Japan, and what it's like in US prison for ex-cops. Surprising statistics read and scary articles read about how organized the inmates are. And ex-cops are usually separated or in "protected populations" and are given fake names (this is not so in my story, but he had his own cell). Haven't seen any info on this for Japan, so I was making it up as I went along. Happens sometimes with writing.

* * *

Chapter Thirty: Messages vs Minutes

(Tohru)

"So people are avoiding us and some dumbass spit in my tea this morning," I finish telling Mitsuo—We agreed on a first-name exchange to make us seem closer.

He laughs in that same shrill cackle he's always had. In stark difference to his deep, sharp voice. _That annoying laugh is going to kill my ears. But it makes him seem scarier—Which is good for us._

"I don't have any of those problems," he tells me with a smirk. "I fit right back in—Helped _so_ much that I was a minor!"

I turn around to yell at him and see Ryota with that judge-y, disgusted expression still plastered on his face. And he's still _tak-takk_ ing away on Ryoutarou's phone.

"Well you were a _copycat_ ," I spit. "Guess the original gets more notice~"

"Are you two really arguing about who was the better murderer!?" Ryota spits, glowering at me.

I shrug. "Whatever gets me through the day—And Mitsuo, it helps that you moved away. I just _had_ to come right back to Inaba~"

Ryota looks up for a second to grunt a few swears and Kubo chuckles. "Still texting his stupid girlfriend!"

 _Stupid Mitsuo_ doesn't realize that Ryota will— _Annnnnd_ when Mitsuo holds his hand up for a high-five, Ryota flattens his own and jabs him between the ribs with as many fingers as he can fit.

Mitsuo screeches so that loud Ryoutarou has to pull over to the side of the road. "Are you all done, goddammit!" he hollers at the three of us. "Give me back the phone, you'll waste all of my minutes!"

"That doesn't use—" I start. "Never mind. You have no idea what you're paying for."

Ryoutarou turns his glare on me and I groan. "Nanako told me we have unlimited texting. And no one _calls_ anymore! We don't even need minutes..."

He looks like his head is going to explode. "Tohru— _Shut up._ I need to make calls for work."

Ryota guiltily hands over the phone because he's got no freaking clue either. Just knows his only friend in here is angry.

"Now shut the hell up and let me get us to the damn inn!" Ryoutarou bellows and pulls back onto the road.

We're silent until there's a buzzing noise. And another. And another. _And he's going bright red again..._

Ryoutarou finally fishes his phone back out of his pocket and hands it to me. " _Deal with this—_ " he cuts himself off, shaking his head. Ryota apologizes from the back and Mitsuo's laughing again.

 _On second thought, Mitsuo and Yukiko would've been perfect for each other. All that damn screechy laughter. Would've been hell for everyone else..._

I flip open the phone and scroll through seven—eight—twelve— _Oh my god this bitch needs to get a life!_

Instead of replying, I do press 'call'. When I bring the cell to my ear, Ryoutarou pokes me a few times so that I know I was wrong about phone calls. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray none of the four of us kills each other.

"Hi, Yuki-chan~" I sing, opening my eyes again. _At least this might be fun._

" _Eww_ now it's Adachi!" she replies and makes a gagging noise. And then bursts into giggles.

 _Never mind. I'm really, truly in hell..._

I yank at my hair a few times before I can answer. "Stop texting Ryoutarou's phone or I'll start reading them!" I shout.

"You can't intimidate me," she evenly replies. "It's nothing I wouldn't say to your faces."

"Just cut it out," I sigh. "Unless you want to explain the difference between minutes and texts..."

"Huh?" Yukiko dumbly intones. "I already told him texts are free! It's in his plan—"

I sigh. "No, to the real one. He doesn't get it yet. I've _tried_ ," I insist.

"Have Ryota explain it to Dojima!" she tells me. "And video the conversation!"

 _That's not a bad idea—It would be funny._

"I'll think about it," I acquiesce. "Now I'm going to hang u—"

"Hi Yuki!" Ryota yells from the back.

"Hiiii Yukiiiii!" Mitsuo echoes.

Ryoutarou's muttering a bunch of stuff to himself— _Sounds a lot like a plan to leave us all here because he's the only one with a current license._

"Okay. We'll see you soon. The whole entourage: including your ex, Mitsuo."

"Who's that?" she asks, lost as usual.

 _I swear some days I miss the old me._

" _Kubo_ ," I tell her. "That's Kubo' name."

"Wha—" said man in the back moans while the other idiot chortles.

"She forgot who you are! _Again!_ " Ryota guffaws _exactly like Ryoutarou_ , and it'd be cute if I didn't want to saw him in half.

I groan and hang up the phone, then snap it shut. "No one's talking to Yuki now. One of you almost got her arrested and the other one would've murdered her."

"I would not—" Mitsuo gripes while Ryota complains that he was just explaining the plan to her.

"I don't even care right now," I tell the two of them. "She knows enough and we'll be there soon. I fucking hope."

Ryoutarou exhales loudly. " _Oh believe me—_ I'm driving as fast as is legally allowed. I _do not_ want to get pulled by another officer from around here with two convicted murderers and my double."

"See?" I hold up my hands. "We'll be there any minute~"

And then— _Can't help myself—_

"You know, Ryou," I start, grinning. "You could always let me drive next time~"

Mitsuo tries to hold in another round of laughter while Ryota groans— _Knows I'm just working him up._ Ryoutarou doesn't even look at me, just shakes his head.

"Tohru?" he eventually asks.

"Mmn?"

"Don't fucking touch my keys."


	76. So Quiet (Kazoku)

NOTES: Late posting! My mom had the day off so I worked quickly and scrambled off to spend time with her. Tomorrow will probably be a later posting, as well. I only have the important bits written so far. We're backing up a few hours to get Tohru's take~

* * *

Chapter Thirty-One: So Quiet

(Kanji)

I arrive at the Amagi Inn first. I find Yukiko and ask what the plan is— _I'm assuming she knows, cause I was just asked to get here._

"Dojima wants you to stay with Ryota and Kubo so they don't—" she breaks off and sighs. "I don't know! Mostly so Kubo doesn't cause trouble. Everyone's concerned. And Adachi got him a demon, so—"

I hold up my hand. "Wait— _A demon?!_ " Yukiko nods. "Like Black Frost? That sounds bad!"

"Mmm," she stalls, looking nervous.

"What?" I ask.

Yukiko sighs. "The Naichou man has one. Pyro Jack..." She takes out her cell to scroll through her messages. "Adachi's plan is to have more of the Jacks... But I don't like Kubo being able to have one outside the TV. It makes me nervous." She scrunches up her face like she's disturbed by this— _And she probably should be. I don't like it, either._

"Okay..." I nod to my friend. "It'll be fine. Where should I go?"

She motions for me to follow her down a hallway. "You three can wait here, if it's alright." Yukiko shows me the room and I nod. "Please have everyone come in through the back so no one sees them—Especially Kubo."

I chuckle and Yukiko rolls her eyes. "I'll have someone bring you all dinner," she smiles before returning to work.

I text Dojima, telling him to park in the back and I'll meet him there. Then I close the door behind myself and make my way over.

When I arrive, the car's already parked and Tohru and Kubo are getting out on the same side, laughing and high-fiving. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth to see them all buddy-buddy.

Ryota comes out next, shooting annoyed looks over the roof of the car at the other two idiots. Dojima is last and he's rubbing his forehead— _Definitely the most angry._

"Oi!" I call to them and everyone walks over. "You two are supposed to come with me," I tell Ryota and Kubo.

"Careful," Tohru opens his eyes wide, smirking at Kubo. "He's still a real tough guy~"

Dojima sighs and grabs Tohru's shoulder, pulling him to the building. "Cut it out."

"Lemme get it out of my system, first!" Tohru whines, then laughs. I can hear them half-arguing as they head inside.

I fold my arms and turn my full attention on the other two. "All right! We're going to hang out in one of the rooms unless they need you."

"They don't trust me?" Ryota demands, taking an argumentative stance with his hands on his hips.

I roll my eyes and point at Kubo who's already wandering off to look around. "It's more for him than you— _But no powers._ Don't act suspicious."

"Ryou gave me a key," Ryota informs me.

I snort. "Half of Inaba has a key. I don't even know why they bother to lock it. He had me make like twenty!"

Ryota laughs at that and I think we're cool. I yell for Kubo, but he doesn't listen. So I drag him to the back entrance by the arm while he grumbles and swears at me, prompting Ryota to crack up.

I show them to the room and take a seat at the table. Kubo sits in a corner near an outlet and takes out his DS. Ryota sits at the table with me but doesn't say or do anything—He just crosses his legs and fidgets every once in a while.

"Do you wanna talk about all of this?" I ask the guys.

Kubo mutters something and Ryota shrugs. "I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing," he admits. "Are they going to turn me in?"

" _What?_ " I practically shout. "No!" I hold up my hands. "Don't worry—They'll make sure it all works out. At least Ojisan will. I don't know what the hell Tohru's doing. But that ain't how we treat each other around here."

Ryota nods a few times, but then doesn't say anything else. _I don't know what to say to these guys._

I end up deciding to ask about work. I don't know what Ryota's been up to around here. "What do you do at the TV Station?" I try.

"Security. I've worked two nights so far."

"Uh," I nod. "Okay... I work at—"

"—your family's textile shop," Ryota finishes, smiling weakly at the end.

I lean back a little in the seat. "Yeah. That's about it."

"Hah!" Kubo yelps. "He showed _you_."

"I—" Ryota starts, but then grimaces and glares out the window.

I wave my hand in front of him. "What's up?" I ask.

He still looks pissed, so his answer throws me. "I was trying to show that I paid attention. That's all," he slowly tells me. "I didn't mean to show you up."

I sigh. "Oh okay," I smile at him. "That's cool. If you need anything, let me know."

"Thanks," he nods. "I will."

And then it's absolute silence until Yukiko brings us trays of food herself. She knocks on the jamb and then nudges the door open with her foot. Me and Ryota take the trays from her while Kubo freezes like a stone, which is really damn funny.

We set the food out and Yukiko sits down to eat with us. "Sorry it's a little later than planned," she apologizes.

"S'fine," I tell her around a mouthful of food. "It's so you could eat with us, right?"

"Mm," she replies. "I have to wait until the regular dinner time is over. Afterwards I'll go check in on everything before calling it a night. Oh—" she stops speaking to set down her chopsticks.

"If this takes much longer, you'll miss the last trains. You're all free to use this room, if you'd like," she grins. "Then I'll get to see even more of you."

" _Yes,_ " Kubo practically yells, and we all stare at him for a few seconds until he dramatically coughs and pretends to choke.

I nod to my friend. "That's cool. It'd be fun—I mean, I can just drive home, but—"

"Kan-chan!" Yukiko scolds. "And make your mother worry?" Then she starts giggling, and soon it's a full-blown laughing fit. I roll my eyes.

"I'm in," I tell her and Ryota seconds me.

Yukiko is still laughing when she stands to leave. "Okay, let the other two know and I'll send someone by with an extra futon. This room is technically for four..." She shakes her head as if she's worried, but I know that she's just playing.

Ryota apparently doesn't and he looks super-guilty. "O-oh it's not a problem. If there's a big TV around here I can—"

And then she starts laughing all over again. "Kidding!" she manages to choke out. "It's not a problem!" She assures us, shutting the door. "I'm kidding!"

 _Ugh. It's like all the progress just went down the drains.._. Ryota's stilling quietly and looking anxious again.

"Hey man," I try and he jumps, turning in my direction. "She's joking around cause she's your _friend_."

"I just don't want to cause trouble or be a burden for everyone," Ryota tightly confesses. "You don't know me very well and—"

"Augh!" I groan. "If anything, Kubo's the biggest burden!" I point at him and he flips me off. "If the—well if _Ojisan_ —is cool with you, and Yuki-chan too... Then you and I are golden. And you don't know anyone well when you first meet 'em. Give it time."

He nods thoughtfully after, instead of just being twitchy. So I heave a big sigh and let everyone slip back into silence. _At least it's not as uneasy this time._

My phone dings and it's from Dojima. He says they're cool staying here, too. I take minute to check in on Teddie and Nanako, letting them know we're all going to come home tomorrow.

Around ten, Dojima finally slides open the door. I'm leaning against the wall, reading a magazine while Ryota dozes and Kubo's still playing, but now he's got his game plugged in to the wall. Dojima takes a seat at the table with the two of us, Ryota blinking a few times and then waking up.

Dojima motions to Kubo first. "Oi. Get over here, I've got your contract. I'll need you both to sign..." Dojima yawns. "Kubo's is the same as Tohru's, minus the stuff about Izanagis." He pages to the end of the packet and points where he should sign. Kubo shrugs and takes the pen right away.

Dojima nods approvingly. "You two are supposed to head there once a month for whatever. I can drive you both... Then other personnel involved may meet you here up to once a week. Sound alright?"

"Sure," Kubo replies. "I get paid the same?"

Shaking his head, Dojima flips to another page. "Slightly less behave you don't have a god or—" he strains to read the wording aloud. "—'other malevolent force'. Tohru told me he has another, too. But he'll have to prove that."

Dojima sighs and rubs his face. "Ryota. You've got a bit more freedom, but less pay." The other man nods questioningly. "They want to do a work-up on you in a week, and another in six months. For that, they'll get you papers like Teddie's. After they review everything—in six months—they'll offer you a new deal. If you need to see a doctor you're supposed to forward all paperwork to this physician—They expect you'll have 'visible abnormalities' and reserve the right to basically shut up anyone trying to publish any—" He points out more words. "'sensitive information regarding privacy'. You know the drill: they want full claim on whatever they find."

Ryota agrees without question, and then both contracts are done. Dojima leaves to hand them over and lets us know he'll bring Tohru back. Says he left the other man to hammer out the last of the details with Ito.

"Kanji," Dojima waves me over as he walks to the door. "Hey, thanks," he tells me. "I didn't know what to expect, but wanted them nearby—But definitely not in there with us." He shakes his head, looking tired. Then he tries to smile and claps me on the shoulder. "I appreciate your help. All of it." With that, he heads off down the hall.

 _At least the rest of the night should be fun._


	77. The Cliche Plot Twist (Kazoku)

NOTES: The title is supposed to be meta and not lazy... But if you think it's lazy, that's on you. Just know that I'm smiling anyhow...

I updated the tags for today's chapter and the Inn chapters starting tomorrow. I have three so far, but they aren't complete.

FYI I've been working on a concept for how I think Namatame's Izanagi would be. We're gonna see it in a future story~

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Two: The Cliché Plot Twist

(Tohru)

At the Inn, Ryoutarou leaves me in the lobby to talk with Ito. I sit in a chair and stew. _This is getting to absurd. Trying to one-up the other side is usually more fun._

 _I guess it's less fun when you care about the people involved._

I see Ryoutarou come back and he motions me to follow him. We wind up in a meeting room and he whips out the folder and a notebook.

"Give me a list of your assets," is all he says.

"Uh?" I reply, lost.

Ryoutarou sighs. "I'm dealing with the contracts and you're having an interview."

"I need an interview?" I moan. " _What?_ I thought they needed me. Why do I need to do something so stupid..."

He taps his pen on the table over and over and over and—"I don't know."

"Okay," I relent. "Let me think." I shift in my seat while he just sits there tapping.

"I just need to know what you bring to the table," Ryoutarou says. "What's unique about your situation."

"Okay," I nod. I crack my knuckles and list off the things I don't believe others can do— _Or that I at least haven't seen or heard of others being able to do._ "I can manifest my Izanagi out here, I can contract on my own demons, and I also have a fragment of another god in there—Somewhere. It's Ameno-Sagiri: the fog-bringer."

I hum, trying to think of how to describe my Izanagi. _He's different—They're all different, but mine is more..._

Ryoutarou interrupts though, frowning. "Really? That's where the fog came from? Another _god_?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "I didn't actually know until the very end."

"I see," he remarks, writing things down.

I hesitate and he notices, looking up at me and raising his eyebrows. "So my Izanagi," I sigh.

"What about it?"

"Well he's _different_ ," I try to explain. "We were all given these— _unique_ —versions of Izanagi. Mine is how he was after he rescued Izanami and was covered in the filth of the underworld'," I quote, remembering having to learn all this boring shit about gods.

 _Though it is less boring now that I know they're real._

Ryoutarou's looking at me funny. So I try again. "He's like, the chaotic Izanagi—Calamity Izanagi! _That's_ it!"

"Any idea why that's the Izanagi you got?" Ryoutarou asks after writing more things down. He seems more interested than I'd like.

I huff and lay my head on the table. "Because I wanted to do whatever I wanted? Because I _wanted_ chaos? Wanted to turn the tables on everyone?" I ask. " _I don't fucking know!_ " I practically scream.

Coming back to my senses, I unclench my fists and I fold my hands over my head. _Maybe Izanami knew it would be me? Who brought everything so close to the brink?_

"Oi—C'mon," Ryoutarou exhales and pulls at my hands.

 _Crazy Tohru gets Dirty Izanagi..._

 _Right?_

 _Suits me, right?_

"Jokes on them," I mutter. "Mine does the most damage. Acts like he's fucking feral. Fucking aggression makes—"

"Stop it," Ryoutarou's still yanking at my hands and I'm just lost in a loop. "Sorry I asked—We don't really have time to get to into this right now."

"Yeah," I agree, annoyed even though I brought it up. I sit back and ask if there's anything else he needs.

He shakes his head and looks right at me. "You trust me to do this for you?" Ryoutarou questions.

I throw up my hands. "All the notes are yours. You'll do better than I would, apparently."

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."

I nod. "So what do I do?"

"Don't know. Haven't had a job interview in at least twenty years. I'll send her in," he tells me. "I'll be right down the hall with Ito, in another of the conference rooms. If you need me..."

"Okay. It'll be fine~" I try to smile at the end and Ryoutarou rolls his eyes. I tug on his jacket as he walks by and he ruffles my hair. I smack his hand away and he laughs. _It'll be fine._

I sigh when he leaves. _Need my game face. Which is..._

 _Fuck—I don't even remember._

When Yuudai walks in and shuts the door, I automatically adopt my old goofy smirk. _Guess it's that one._

The woman frowns at me and I inwardly groan. "Do you want me here or not?"

"This is more of a formality," she replies. "Boxes to check off. But let's talk because I do have something for you."

I sit up a little straighter. "Oh really? Is it something painful?" I grin, wondering if she'll smack me.

She throws me a sideways glance before taking a seat across the table. "Depends what you count as painful." Yuudai sets her briefcase down and then scoots her chair in.

"I knew you'd always struck me as familiar, but I didn't bother to pull you out at the roots before the other day. However, now that I know all of this other bull about you and Ryou, I dug deeper... It is surprisingly hard finding anything on a child."

 _Don't like that—_

"But because the chaos happened in the station where my nephew et al worked, it was easier."

 _What 'it'?_

"That's a hard ordeal to have to go through at such a young age..." She prattles on and my blood turns to ice.

"Wh-what do you _mean_?" I ask, my throat turning dry.

"How much do you remember?" Yuudai abruptly quizzes.

I shake my head. "Only the basics. I..." I take a shaky breath. "I've blocked a lot of it out. My sister was sick and she couldn't get treatment without running the risk of us being sent back home, so she stuck it out, but then it got worse and she died. _Was_ —" I have to pause and collect my thoughts. "She just seemed like she had a really bad cold."

"Pneumonia," Yuudai supplies. "And you two were at a cafe at the time. Someone called the police, fire, emergency—The whole lot of us."

I nod. "Yes. They wouldn't let me go where they were taking her. So I spent a long time at the station. I had trouble saying anything, and couldn't get out who I was."

She returns my nod. "Mmm. Neither of you had identification and it took a few days to sort out. Then you were sent to a group home until your family was found. You don't remember anything else, though?" she prods.

"Everyone seemed so _scary_!" I nervously laugh before I can reign it in. "No one wanted to watch me, so I was shuttled around until they found someone who let me draw for a while."

"You drew until you fell asleep." She smiles knowingly.

I feel my forehead creasing— _Can't help wondering if she was there that day._

"I wasn't there," she snorts. "But I know all about it."

"Because of the fight?" I question. "Two of the cops came to blows because one kept picking on the other." I mime a punch at the side of my face.

"Yes," she sighs. "My nephew was the one to bring you in. No one wanted to babysit, so they dumped you on a trainee. He thought it was hysterical—That bratty boy. He dumped you on someone known to be bad with children."

I shrug. "Didn't bother me any. I just wanted to be left alone."

"You _really_ don't remember?" she grunts. "You were only four or so, and in total shock... But..."

I roll my eyes. "What am I _supposed_ to remember? That I drank tea and drew stupid animals until someone came to take me away? It was all pretty horrible!"

"Dogs," Yuudai reminds me. "You drew dogs."

My eyes widen. "They were _supposed_ to be bears."

"When you're working with someone who has no imagination and you won't communicate what you're trying for, you get dogs. Every time—Trust me. Kid couldn't draw anything else," she laughs.

"Am I supposed to be following this, old lady?" I gibe.

"Watch your mouth. I'll work till I keel over."

I can't hold in the snicker this time and she smiles sharply. "So— _What?_ " I tiredly ask. "Is there more, or did you just want to piss me off? Because what I did as a child—or how terribly I draw bears—shouldn't mean a lot," I challenge.

"Well," she sighs. "After over an hour of my nephew questioning who you were and where he could drop you, you were shunted off to the other one—And _hooo_! He did not care for the way the way his coworker found it funny he was doing paperwork with an arm around the sleeping kid on his lap. So when my nephew snapped a picture of his "kouhai and the mute", the other one snapped. The moron was giggling about how you must be messed up in the head or something because you wouldn't talk to anyone. So the other one set you on his chair and punched out his senior. Got cut from the program and had to repeat a year— _Pain in my ass,_ " she grumbles at the end.

She groans and shakes her head. "The kid— _you_ —woke up during the brawl and started screaming your head off—Can't blame you for that, however. Another officer found the two of them pounding the tar out of each other while a child screamed in the corner and that was it. My nephew was suspended, the other dropped."

"That sucks," I tell her. "But what does this have to do with anything?" I whine, resting my hand on my chin.

"Well because neither thick-skulled idiot can be bothered to remember, I brought the aforementioned photo." Yuudai pauses to take a photograph out of her briefcase and pass it to me.

"Why would you keep it?" I scoff, reaching across the table.

She smugly chuckles as she hands it to me. "My late husband got ahold of the thing and he put it in a photo album—the _last_ photo album—of my son before he moved away."

 _I can't move my hand—_

When she says those words, I can't close my fingers and the picture flaps to the table. I can see that it's a Polaroid of a young guy— _definitely him with that angry face_ —trying to write something out while he's got an arm around a small, sleeping kid. Next to the paperwork are some sheets of notebook paper with the drawings.

"Do you want it or not?" Yuudai bluntly demands.

I laugh shakily. " _Give me a minute, damn it!_ Let me process—Whatever the fuck this is—" Now my hands are on my head again and I'm groaning. She shrugs like it isn't a big deal that I just snapped like that.

"Alright." She folds her arms and sits quietly.

After a couple of minutes tick by, I snatch up the photo and slide it into my pocket. "I want it," I confess.

"Okay," she replies—Like we're _not_ talking about the fucking weirdest shit.

Yuudai shrugs. "After personas, nothing is too odd anymore."

"I'm not stupid, you better know," I scoff in reply. She raises her eyebrows. "I know you're bribing me."

"Hnn. You really are a jackass," she impassively remarks. "We're going to be working together," she reasons. "We'll have to get along well enough."

I nod. "I can do that. I've had to deal with a lot worse."

She actually laughs this time. "Okay," she concludes and stands. "You want to go see if they figured the details out or are throwing tantrums?"

"Does Ito have a temper?" I ask.

"No. But Ito's very argumentative and Ryou's got temper enough for both."

I stand and stretch. "Wanna pretend we're fighting?" I ask before I can stop myself. I suck in a breath, remembering not to get too comfortable. "I-it would really freak them out~" I add, trying to look more confident than I feel.

I catch Yuudai trying to suppress a smirk as she turns to the door. "I think we're going to get along fine."


	78. The Hot Spring (Kazoku)

NOTES: People always seem to like a bitey-marky Adachi, but most stories (as mentioned before) are one-shots and no one has to deal with the long-term effects of any of it. Kanji's pretty disgusted—Again. Also I feel pretty dumb for not thinking this would be a noticeable problem until my second pass at this chapter.

Huh. THAT'S what my story brings to the table: consequences!

I am always looking for comments and criticism. Feel free to leave a comment or DM me.

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Hot Spring

(Kanji)

We obviously all decide to take advantage of the Amagi Inn's main selling point: the hot springs. I asked Yukiko if we could use it by ourselves—I know Dojima's injury makes him self-conscious.

So she gives us a 'reserved' placard to hang outside the entrance to the outdoor bath and I tell her that I'll handle it. I put it up as we go in, and grab myself some towels. She said there was soap we can use in there, so I don't have to worry about that.

I fold my clothes in a locker and get to scrubbin' at the stools. _It's nice to relax outdoors after all the shit we've been through lately._

I can hear Tohru and Dojima arguing about something and sigh. _Nothing's easy when they're together, huh?_

And now I can hear Ryota getting involved and Kubo's swearing at somebody. I'd better go check it out.

I rinse off and make my way back to the lockers. Everybody's undressed except for Dojima and Tohru's yelling at him to hurry it up cause he wants to go in the water.

"'Sup?" I ask, getting their attention. They all turn to me and I scratch my head, unsure what to actually do about this. "What's the holdup?"

"I—I just want to borrow Ryota's shirt. It'll fit me," Dojima loudly stammers. "Can't—Mine is a dress shirt..."

I sigh. "Don't worry, no one's gonna make fun of you or anything. We all know what you look like, except Kubo."

"I don't give a shit," Kubo adds. "I ain't looking at a bunch of naked _guys_."

Dojima glances at Tohru, who throws up his hands. "Getting in or not? There isn't anything you can do about it right now."

Ryota's eyes are flicking around at everyone—Like he's trying to assess how much of an argument is about to happen.

"Alright," I announce. "I'm getting in with or without the rest of you. _I_ wanna relax." I wave them off and head for the water.

I'm _almost_ to the stairs when I hear Kubo whistle loudly. I groan and turn back around again.

"What did you get mauled by a dog?!" he shouts.

"Dammit, Kubo!" I holler. "That's fucken' rude! Don't pick on people's scars."

" _Those_ are not scars!" he yells back to me.

When I get closer, I see Ryota leaning over to talk to Dojima. "He still do that every time?" Ryota questions his counterpart.

" _Yes,_ " Dojima angrily replies. "And then some."

Tohru jumps up on the bench to get right in the taller man's face. "You got a problem?!" he demands. "You know he's fine with it!"

Ryota grunts and pushes Tohru backwards. Tohru comically pinwheels his arms but loses his balance anyways. Dojima sighs and catches him with one arm, leaning more in my direction.

And that's when I see what he was so trying to hide. Yesterday—Don't know how I missed the bruises and scratches and— _gross_ —it looks like teeth marks on his chest, shoulders, and neck. _It was kind of dark in there, but..._

I mean, I wasn't really looking for anything specific and I was really pissed. But it looks pretty nasty, now that I'm getting a good look. _Does look like some wild animal mauled him._

Kubo's still openly gawking and Dojima is trying to get dressed again. "They already saw," Tohru bitches. "I wanna go in the onsen!"

"Go by yourself," Dojima grunts.

"Wh-what the hell happened?" I finally manage to ask.

Dojima groans and Tohru locks on to me. "You got a problem too?!" he challenges.

I shake my head in disbelief. "You _bite_ him?"

"Is that any of your business?"

 _Well no, not really..._

"I've always done this," he protests.

Ryota makes an annoyed noise and is examining Dojima. "Yeah, I've got a few scars I'll never be able to explain... Looks like they're in the same spots on both of us. Really got you _good_ that first time." Ryota points to himself, showing Dojima his neck.

Tohru's still glaring at me and I'm already so done with this. I square off with him, but I'm not gonna fight him on a wet floor. _That'd be stupid._

Yeah.

 _Probably_ not gonna fight him in here.

"You didn't want Kanji to see, huh?" I can hear Ryota quietly question Dojima. "Cause he'd worry about you..."

I sigh and push past Tohru. "No shit I'll worry—It's downright abusive!"

"It's _fine_ ," Dojima groans. "Now _everyone_ knows! Can this conversation be over?"

I shift my gaze around at the others, and I'm really uncomfortable. But everyone else seems content to drop it.

 _I'll corner Tohru about it at work. Tell him to shape up. Again._

 _Is this the second or third time in two days?_

Satisfied we all shut up, Dojima pushes past Ryota and then me to drag Tohru over to the faucets. "You have to shower he before you get in. Otherwise it's rude," he scolds while Tohru's still trying to rush straight for the hot spring.

He eventually lets him go and then Tohru and Kubo start laughing and spraying each other—Acting like a bunch of kids on a class trip. I roll my eyes and don't pay them any attention. Dojima eventually tells them to cut it out because it's ruining relaxing for the rest of us.

Ryota laughs when Dojima yells at Tohru to sit down so he can wash his back. "Just lemme go in the bath~" Tohru whines while Dojima yells that there's no rush.

I've finally cooled off enough that I'm not going to punch Tohru to the floor, so I walk to the water. Ryota silently joins me, and I'm still wondering why he's so damn quiet. "You, uh, been to one of these places before?" I stupidly ask him—Realizing after it's out of my mouth.

 _He's only been out here for like a week._

Ryota shakes his head, not seeming bothered. "But I have memories of them. He liked bathhouses in the city."

"I bet he did!" I laugh. _That's a real old man thing._ "We don't have one around here, though. Just the Amagi."

"There's one near where I'm staying, but I don't want to go by myself," Ryota confides. "Plus we have a huge tub. I can really stretch out—It's nice." He smiles to himself as he walks into the boiling water.

I haven't been here in over a year and I'm stoked at the opportunity. _Just wish we weren't all so aggravated. And that it weren't with Kubo..._

The guy's sitting in a corner, all sprawled out like he owns the place. _I never cared for him, and it looks like he's bringing Tohru's maturity down even further. Which ain't great._

Once I'm sitting with my eyes closed, I hear the other two finally walking in. I can hear Dojima groan and yell at Tohru because it looked like he was gonna dive in. _Maybe it'd be nicer without him either._

I sigh and lay the cold facecloth over my eyes. I jump when we hear the door open— _It was supposed to be just us._

"Go away!" Tohru grunts. "Private party— _Can't you read?_ "

"Wait!" Kubo interjects. "Unless it's a woman. Women can come in!"

"Ooh~" I hear Tohru agree. "Yeah that's fine!"

Ryota sighs. "Don't be crude." I hear Dojima snicker and I take the face cloth off to see what's going on.

Tohru swam over to Kubo and they're waiting expectantly, watching the doorway... And now they're trying to dunk each other. I sigh and move closer to the men. They're talking about the news or something. _Must be nice to have someone who gets you like that._

 _My shadow was so far removed from what I'm really like..._

I turn to the entrance when I hear Tohru and Kubo bitching and groaning. _It's Ito._

"Amagi told me I should join you," he haltingly announces, sounding like a kid who knows he's gonna get bullied.

"Okay, _Yuki_ ~" Tohru jeers. _Guess he is gonna get bullied._

Kubo laughs and repeats the man's new nickname. "Yup! You can join us, _Yuki_!"

"Call me Ito," the guy evenly replies.

Tohru and Kubo glance at each other and squish up their faces.

"Nope."

"Nah."

I wait to see what he'll do. He's quiet for a minute, but just ignores them and gets in, too. Ito sits closer to me and the other two and tries to join their conversation.

Tohru glances at the three men uneasily for a minute, and then paddles over, wrapping his arms tightly around Dojima's neck. The older man makes a choking noise and smacks Tohru in the face.

"What?" Dojima demands. "Now that I'm making friends you don't want to be alone over there?"

Tohru grumbles and hangs on tighter. Dojima just sighs and goes back to his conversation. Tohru hangs on to the other man and glares at Ito.

After a few minutes of Dojima struggling to sit down comfortably with Tohru wrapped around him, he finally tries to eject the parasite. "Alright. Get off, you goddamn spider monkey!" Dojima stands, but Tohru's got his legs latched around his stomach and is _not_ letting go.

"No—I'm definitely a _metroid_ ~" Tohru replies and Kubo's cackling again, as if Tohru's lame jokes are actually funny.

"I'll lean against a rock," Dojima threatens. But now it's like Tohru's found a new favorite game, I see his muscles flex as he clings tighter.

I sigh at them and put the facecloth back over my eyes. _I'll be able to hear it play out anyway._

"Don't do that!" I hear Dojima command. "Dammit, Tohru!"

"Hmm?" the other one innocently hums.

Then there's a loud splash and I take another peek to see that Dojima's fallen over backwards and they're both underwater.

"Gah!" Tohru shrieks when he resurfaces. "You trying to kill me?!"

Dojima stands and sighs. "Don't be a pain," he complains, sitting against the rock wall near the others. "You're not going to drown—We can all stand."

Kubo is sneaking up behind Tohru to dunk him again, I think. But Dojima's clearly had enough and he yanks Tohru away while kicking the other one square in the chest. Kubo splashes backwards and then Dojima puts Tohru in a headlock until he sits still. Even the other two are laughing at the scene.

I mostly feel beat. _These people are so frigging exhausting._


	79. Sharing a Room (Kazoku)

NOTES: One more Inn Chapter! Next time RyoX2 bond. That's what I'm calling them now. Pronounced "Ryo-squared".

I've written as far as Friday morning and am still trying to figure out who's viewpoint I want Saturday's potential blowout to come from~ Doujima was only half-kidding when he said it was gonna be real shit. That's what he expects, and is probably close to the truth.

And I hope you're enjoying the stereotypical-obligatory-anime-vacation part this time! I plan to send most of them and the kids to the beach in the next story. ^^ Y'know... It's like what, maybe the beginning of August now? Summer doesn't last forever. (Also ironic because it caught up with the seasons real-time for me O_O)

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Four: Sharing a Room

(Tohru)

"Leggo," I grunt at Ryoutarou. He's had me in a headlock for like five minutes. "Lemme go!"

I hear him sigh. "Are you going to act right?"

I growl in response and he chokes me tighter. "Nrr!" I squeak and he _finally_ lets up, but keeps his arm around me.

"You've got so much energy," Ryoutarou complains. "This should be a nice break."

"I was cooped up all day, what do you expect?" I spit back. "All the talking and work and _ugh_!"

I hear him snort. "So a normal day?" He questions. "That should be a _good_ thing."

I roll my eyes. "Maybe for you! I don't like it so boring..."

"Why?"

"It's not normal to me," I mutter.

He laughs. "You're sulking because you're not having enough near-death experiences?"

"...No." I frown. "It's—When it's like this I don't know what to do with myself."

"Hnn. I see."

I sigh and splash Ryoutarou. "Of course you don't get it. You love this boring shit. But for me it's..." I trail off, searching for the right word. "It's uncomfortable. Like something bad is about to happen and I'm not preparing."

Ryoutarou pats my shoulder with the hand already there. "We'll have to work you out of that," he quietly tells me.

"It's going to take a lot of work~" I feel myself smirking, so I look over at him— _Let him know it's not going to be easy. Too much time has passed where I've lived this way._

"I know," Ryoutarou softly replies. "But we'll get there. I promise."

I _have_ to laugh at that. "Somebody told me not to 'make promises I don't know if I can keep'."

"Well you shouldn't," he quips and pokes me. "But I'm keeping this one, so you'll just have to believe me."

"Oi," we hear Kanji call. "I'm beat. I'm heading back to the room. Last one out, leave the sign on the front desk."

We all look around at each other, but no one else moves. "None of you are tired?" he asks, sounding curious.

"We are," Ryoutarou sighs. "Lets go." He tugs me with him as he starts for the stairs.

I groan. "No! This bath never gets cold~"

"We have work, and you have to see Aizawa. We're going."

"Nrr!" I growl but get out and start to towel off. The other guys follow and so we're all in the locker area, changing back into our clothes or those nice yukata. I choose the yukata and carry my clothes in a pile back to the room.

I watch as Ito says goodbye and leaves us for the night. _He got along with Ryoutarou and Ryota. And maybe Kanji—Couldn't get a good read on that._

We roll out the futons in rows: two and three. Mitsuo and I lean against the all to play Pokémon while the others chat for a while. It's calm and nice with the summer breeze blowing in through the open window.

"I'm getting coffee from the vending machine," Ryoutarou tells us, heading for the door.

"I'll come, Ojisan! I want a snack," Kanji adds before politely nods to the rest of us.

I look up from my DS. "Ice cream!" I holler.

"Shh!" Ryoutarou groans. "People are sleeping, moron." Then he turns to Kanji. "You'll not lecture me," he says in a low voice, thinking the rest of us can't hear. The kid glares at me while I roll my eyes.

Kanji huffs and tells Ryoutarou that he's not paying for my ice cream. Kubo seconds the ice cream, also not fronting any money. Only Ryota is silent.

When they leave, Mitsuo and I set up for another battle. "Why's he so quiet?" he asks me, nodding in Ryota's direction.

I shrug and look up. He's staring at me like he's studying me. "W-what?" I stammer—It startles Ryota and he glares. "You need something?"

"No!" he growls back, folding his arms.

"Jeez," I snort. "Sorry, asshole. You looked upset." _Last time I'm fucking nice._

I go back to the game but now I'm realizing how anxious Ryota seems. He almost looks like he's sulking, sitting alone further away from us and peering out the window.

"Aww~" I jeer. "Does somebody need a hug?" Kubo snickers and I give Ryota a goofy smile.

After an awkward pause, he surprises me. " _Can_ I hug you?" Ryota asks, glancing away.

"Oh what the fuck!" Mitsuo groans. "Worst party ever!"

I roll my eyes. "It's probably your _only_ _party ever_ , so shut up!" Then I glare at Ryota. "And what the freaking hell is wrong with you?!"

He sighs. "I've got way _worse_ memories of you. And I'm quiet because I'm around all these new people. It calms _him_ down—"

Mitsuo makes a gagging noise and leans over to attack for me while I debate what I should do. I slap his hand away and choose my own move.

"Choco pies," I demand.

"Huh?" both question.

I shake my head. "Idiots! I'm saying I want a _whole box_ of choco pies. And if you go back on your word, _you'll get it_." I try to scowl at the confused man, but I really feel like laughing at the absurdity.

"Yeah," Ryota nods a few times. "Alright. That's like what—Five hundred yen?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I haven't bought any in years... Could be five thousand~"

"Deal," Ryota seriously tells me, holding out his hand for a shake.

I lean over to bind the agreement, not bothering to take my eyes off the game again. _Effing Mitsuo's waiting to screw me up me like a goddamn eagle._

Said hand is then used to drag me across the tatami. "...Oww."

Not letting go of the game, I let Ryota wrap one arm around me and pull me to his side. "Another giant," I comment, looking up at his nervous face. "If the fucking bear gets taller than me I'm going to lose it."

"He's close though, isn't he?" Ryota remarks, not turning in my direction.

"There are bears around here?" Mitsuo jolts in surprise.

I sigh. "No. He means Teddie. Does _no one_ know where he got his name?!"

Mitsuo frowns, lost. "That bear costume?"

" _Thank_ freaking hell!" I exclaim. "If only Kanji and I understood, I'd start wondering if he was some idiot savant..."

After killing Kubo's last party member for the second time in a row, I glance up again. "Okay, let go," I order Ryota. _Don't want him getting too comfortable._

"What?" he complains. "This can't be worth more than two choco pies!"

" _I ain't cheap!_ " I shout at him—As Kanji opens the door.

He sees me struggling to get away from an aggravated-looking Ryota and shakes his head. "I should've just gone home..."

"What happened?" Ryoutarou demands from behind him. Kanji shoves the door the rest of the way open and Ryoutarou makes a derisive noise.

"What're you two doing!" he asks, sounding more pissed than I expected. Then he throws Mitsuo both containers of ice cream. "Kubo, you can eat two of these?"

"I don't like green tea," he replies, tossing mine back to Ryoutarou.

"Then I'll melt it down the sink." Ryoutarou scowls at me and I roll my eyes. Ryota finally lets go and I tumble toward Mitsuo, who laughs and sticks out his foot to trip me.

I jump to my feet and go snatch the container of ice cream from the sink before it's all soup. "You really mad?" I ask Ryoutarou around a mouthful of mostly-solid deliciousness.

"That was odd," he carefully remarks.

"I got a box of choco pies out of it," I shrug. "And it's not like he really has any friends or anything."

I shove more ice cream in my mouth while I consider what just happened. _I felt kinda bad for him, actually. Even Kanji gets physical attention from Teddie, and probably his mom and Nanako._

 _I still can't believe I let the stupid bear have a hug. And I didn't even get anything out of that one..._

Ryoutarou raises his eyebrows, maybe following my train of thought a little. "You've got that look on your face like you're really angry, but also sad," he tells me, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

"He has all these memories of having a family—and me—and I think he's lonely."

"I'd tell you what everyone always tells _me_ about _you_ , but he sort of is your problem..." Ryoutarou sighs, poking me gently for once. "I didn't care for that. Just think about how I feel too, alright?"

I nod, a little bit of guilt creeping up. "How about I just forget how _everyone_ feels?" I grin, hoping to ease the tension.

He swats the back of my head, chuckling. Then he pulls me into a hug. "Don't be a jackass."

"Can you two stop?" Mitsuo scoffs. "Are we gonna go another round or not?"

"I'm going to sleep," Ryoutarou tells us with a yawn. "The rest of you can do whatever the hell you want as long as you're _quiet_." Kanji and Ryota voice their agreement and they all choose futons.

I hold up my DS to show Mitsuo I'm game if he is. "I have Mariokart downloaded, too!"

"Awesome!" he grins back.

I shuffle over to claim my own futon, though I doubt anybody else would dare pick the only one next to Ryoutarou. I lay on my stomach while I wait for him to connect to the server.

"Just because one piece of business is settled doesn't mean you can stay up all night," Ryoutarou tells me. "All five of us have work tomorrow."

Kubo takes the last futon, opposite mine. "I don't~" he whoops.

"Quieter," Ryoutarou scolds him.

I have to laugh while I kick my feet though the air, enjoying just having everyone around. Ryoutarou groans and rests one of his legs on top of mine so I stop. "What?" I huff. "That's not loud..."

"It's distracting," he replies.

And then the horrendous snoring begins. "Ryota must be out," I tell the others.

"What makes you say that?" Ryoutarou grumbles. "You saying _I_ sound like that?"

"Yes," I bluntly admit. "You do."

He sighs and then he's quiet while Mitsuo and I play a few rounds of racing. When we're done, it sounds like everyone's out.

"Mine's gonna die," I tell Mitsuo.

He nods. "You have to go work, too... We can stop for tonight." He reaches over to plug his game in while I walk mine to another charger. "What's it like hanging around Kanji all day? He never struck me as friendly."

"Eeh, he can be. He's surprisingly nice for someone so rough." I lay back down and feel like a kid— _Not that I got to do anything like this as a kid... Talking to a friend in the middle of the night and blowing off work._

 _No. It was all work for me._

"He's not just a bitch all the time?" Mitsuo questions. "He always seems mad."

I have to laugh a little. "He's usually mad at _me_. And you're only ever around him when I am. That could explain it."

Mitsuo nods. "Well at least you've got it easy otherwise!"

He smiles at me, but I frown. "What do you mean?"

"You know," he replies. "You don't have to worry about anything. The cop takes care of all of your problems, doesn't he?"

 _Well that's—_

"That's not true," I tell him, knowing I sound defensive. "I take care of most of _his_ problems!"

"Really?"

"Yes really!" I grumble. "Before me, he was a workaholic alcoholic who neglected his daughter—"

Mitsuo shakes his head. "But I heard he got you out of jail. He got you that job. You have a place to live—And you've basically got a family. Sounds pretty good to me."

 _When you put it like that..._

 _But with everything else, Ryoutarou's been coming off the rails._

"Things have been getting rough around town, actually," I choose to confide in him.

"Yeah?" he asks, nudging me to elaborate in an easy way. _As if he doesn't mind talking it out with me._

I decide to take him up on the opportunity. "Yeah," I agree. "People don't like that I'm back. I expected people looking for small little rebellions, but it's really wearing on Ryou."

Mitsuo nods to me. "I can see that. He seems overprotective."

" _Good_." I can't help grinning in the darkness.

"Well you're a total fucking yandere," Mitsuo snorts.

I cover my mouth so I won't crack up too loudly and wake the three sleepers. "Oh my god!" I try to say in a whisper, hissing out more laughter. "I _am_ aren't I?"

"What else would you call it?" he practically giggles. "You make a real barfy pair."

Sighing, I fold my arms under the back of my head. "Damn it's nice having someone speak my language..."

"It is," he replies, sounding surprised with himself.


	80. Can't Fool Your Other Self (Kazoku)

NOTES: This is the start of a few chapters that'll be addressing both P4-canon and details from my story surrounding the facets of AdaJima's constant boundary-testing and codependency. (I've written a LITTLE ahead and the freaking minute Doujima mentions the WORD "boundary" Adachi gets all defensive and aggressive...)

Yesterday I had an awesome conversation about all of this with reader/commenter/fellow author Milligramme! It was super fun to work out with someone else and I got a lot out of it. Some of the canon-details, like the tie and Adachi bringing Doujima home drunk and settling him were cited by Milligramme as the probable beginning of the boundary-testing and they worked in so well! I appreciate it! (I had never thought of it like that; had figured Adachi was the initiator of the testing.)

Please check out their profile if you have time: AO3: Milligramme

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Five: Can't Fool Your Other Self

(Ryoutarou)

I'm woken up by someone shaking me. When I open my eyes it takes a minute to orient myself.

Then I remember where I am and I realize Tohru's whimpering in his sleep, clinging to me and whining. Alarmed, I stuff one of my arms under him and rub his back.

"Thought you'd want to know," Ryota whispers. He has the futon across from me. "Kanji's up too, but he thought I should wake you. Didn't want to intrude."

" _You're all fine,_ " I grunt. "But thanks."

Kanji asks if Tohru's okay and I tell him not to worry. I hear him lay back down, but Ryota watches us, still seeming concerned.

"It's alright," I try to soothe Tohru. I pet the back of his head and keep holding him close. Now that I have an arm underneath him, I can feel that he's shaking.

Ryota looks on. "He still has the nightmares?"

"Yes," I confess. "But he doesn't look terrified when I wake him up these days—At least there's _improvement_."

I sigh, wishing there were more I could do. "You're okay," I softly whisper, but he's still not waking up, just making scared noises.

When I feel somebody rub _my_ head, I shoot an annoyed look over at the futon across from mine. Ryota shrugs. "I know it upsets you," he straightforwardly tells me, retracting his hand. "You alright?"

I flick my eyes back to Tohru before answering. "Yeah," I quietly admit. "It does bother me. But I'll be— _We_ will be fine."

Ryota smiles. "I know." When I roll my eyes he laughs. "I know most of your secrets—If _you_ need someone to talk to, you can call on me." He grins wryly and quotes what I've been telling Tohru. "It's better to get it out."

"I know..." I sigh. "Thank you."

After a few minutes, Tohru's moans get louder. Ryota's laying on his stomach and we're still talking on and off. The others are back to sleeping.

"S-should I wake him?" I nervously ask the other man. "Is he too loud?"

"Kanji?" Ryota sharply calls. "Kubo?" He pauses to listen, but there is no reply and he tells me it's fine.

I sigh. "It's not too much? I feel weird having him like this around everyone," I confide. "I'm know it would upset him if he found out they know."

"No one seems to care," Ryota remarks. "Those are two pretty accepting men. Kanji is your closest friend and Kubo probably gets Adachi, so—"

"Ryota," I interrupt.

He pauses. "What?"

"Don't worry so much," I tell him. "Just call him Tohru. I know that's gotta what I call him in your memories."

Ryota shrugs. "It's alright. _I_ don't want to be too much... Sorry I made you upset earlier," he acknowledges. "I wanted to see if it worked for me. Ada— _Tohru_ made a flippant comment about hugs and I know just touching him calms you down, so I stupidly asked if I could try it... I've been nervous around everyone."

"It's _fine_." I shift to keep my arm from falling asleep. "It caught me off guard, is all. I never knew I was jealous like that. But it's weird seeing you two—He's so comfortable around you probably because you're like me, while I had to work hard for this level of intimacy."

Ryota snickers. "He didn't make it too easy, did he?"

"No, definitely _not_ ," I huffily reply.

"You _ah_ —" Ryota clears his throat. "You were angry the other day as well, weren't you? Because I comforted him."

"Mmn," I nod. "I need to work on it."

I groan, hating to admit there's a part of me like this. "He was never so open with other people. I guess... I guess a part of me is sad it isn't just myself anymore. But it's good for him."

"Yes," Ryota agrees with me. "He's growing as a person. It's good, even if it's uncomfortable. _And y'know_ —You're growing, too."

I snort. " _Really?_ " I sarcastically quip.

"Yes really!" he brightens. "You _never_ could have had a night like this five years ago—With _friends_. With Tohru around other people and you being just normal with him."

"Ryou—" he entreats. "Why wouldn't you let anyone in?"

I'm silent, but relent because he already knows the worst of it. "I could never get over the fact that I didn't know of it was pity—That scared me. I was too paranoid."

"But it had been four, then five years..." Ryota raises his eyebrows. "I didn't understand why you were so defensive around people—I couldn't wait to meet someone— _Anyone!_ It was so lonely in there..."

"I was too scared of other people after... I was also afraid they would leave me." I sigh. "Not to mention how everyone acted for the first year or so—Like inviting me anywhere was a fucking act of _charity_ and that I wasn't allowed to get any better, or even talk about anything besides the accident and the funeral and how if affected Nanako... Wore me down even worse—The feeling that it would be like that forever."

I shake my head, getting upset. "It was basically _the same_ , you know." Ryota asks me what was, so I go on. "After I got out of the hospital, everyone in town already knew _all_ about Tohru—Had all these things to say about how awful he is and how they felt bad I was stuck being his partner and how happy they were that he was being treated like shit during the questioning and they—The hoped— _Some said they fucking hoped he'd be killed in prison and_ — _And—_ " I exhale, trying to calm down and lower my voice.

"Hey," Ryota tries, patting my shoulder, but suddenly I feel as though I need to get out and get away. _Need to run several kilometers—Need to run a goddamn marathon—_

"I'm fine," I grunt, slowing my breathing and trying to get my heartrate back down. "It's..." I shake my head and choke out a nasty laugh. "It was the same thing all over again: all these expectations and how I _should_ be acting and saying and doing. Now everyone avoids me like the plague when Tohru's in town, but not a single person has dared even mention him in my presence. Suddenly they're all tight-lipped about what I should be doing—Saying it behind my back instead of to my face."

Ryota looks like he's thinking for a minute before he speaks again. "So what changed? What made you recently stop worrying about other people so much? You made a comment: being concerned about getting pulled over with Tohru and Kubo in the car, but it felt more as though you were anxious that they would be harassed or that it would make things difficult for them— _More_ difficult," he corrects at the end.

I'm trying to piece together an answer, but then I simply let my thoughts pour out as-is. "Well that's just it. The worst happened, yeah? I'm realizing I don't want to lose Tohru over something so stupid as others' judgments—It isn't even about me anymore. No matter what I worry about how people might treat me, they are _definitely_ treating him worse. I won't let that keep happening."

"Make sure you're helping, though," Ryota wisely tells me. "Cops can't snap at people for being unfriendly to murderers."

I hear myself involuntarily make an angry noise.

"Hey—I'm an honest guy," the other man replies. "You're not going to get any pity from me. I know you don't want it."

"So you really know everything?" I demand, a bitter tone coming on.

Ryota nods. "You think _you're_ uncomfortable with that? I'm going to need years of therapy for things I haven't done—All the unpleasant thoughts I never actually thought..." He grins, oddly enough. "Then there are my constant cravings for cigarettes and the feeling like my body will shut down if I don't have a drink. Those have both multiplied by a thousand since I came to this world."

"Well Tohru dumped all the beer, so... Same boat?"

Ryota laughs. "Not Nanako?"

I glare. "No. I think she guilted him into doing the dirty work."

"Someone had to." He pokes my head and I narrow my eyes at him. _Can't whack him back with my hands busy._ "Take this as an opportunity to be the person she knows you can be. They're both giving you chances to shape up and I know you don't want to lose them—That's why you acted like they should get rid of you—"

Ryota cuts himself off to calm down for a minute. "You're a real asshole, you know. You can't expect a preschooler to take care of herself. Then you kept Tohru at arms' length until you couldn't deal take it all—When everything finally came crashing down, he tried to push _you_ away because of the whole murderer-thing and you got angry at him for it. Even though it was the right thing for him to do."

I shift Tohru on top of me so I have a free hand to punch Ryota in the side of his head. "Yeah— _I know_."

"Wanted to make sure..." He rubs where I bonked him and glares. "Because _none of this_ is on me but I'm still stuck with it."

"Got anything helpful to say?" I quip.

"Well if you're asking," Ryota sarcastically replies, glowering.

I give him a look and hold up my fist again.

He rolls his eyes. "My advice is simple. You need to learn where to draw the line."

"What do you mean?" I question, even though I'm fairly certain I know.

"You'd do whatever he asked." The simplicity of his reply shuts me up, so Ryota pokes me a few times to see if I'm still listening to him. "I see the way you both act so consciously of each other, but you're not doing it right. You want Tohru to be himself, but you're afraid to let him know when he's too much. That isn't healthy—You need to let him know."

"I don't want—"

"You don't want what?" Ryota relentlessly continues. "Treating him like he's the only person who matters isn't going to make him better. Maybe you can fool yourself, but you can't fool me."

Now I'm quiet. And getting angry.

" _Shut up,_ " I finally manage. " _I don't know what else to do_ —"

"Oi!" he sharply whispers. "You two feed into each other in a really bad way. The more desperate you get, the more he's going to be all over you. You need to lock it down and keep it at a reasonable level so that you can both manage your lives."

When I don't speak, Ryota sighs. "This is when you're supposed to either agree or say 'you're not me'."

"G-give me a minute," I reply, trying to figure out which part to even respond to first. "Alright. So it's—It's hard when I don't know what to do."

Tohru's sleeping more peacefully, but I hug him to me. It's about the only thing I _can_ do.

 _This is what I need._

 _I need him to stay happy and normal and calm and—_

 _And good._

"Just set boundaries. _He_ won't."

I grit my teeth.

Ryota sighs in a drawn-out, exasperated manner. "You know you're shit with boundaries too, _right_ —It's _not_ just him."

Ryota snorts a harsh bit of laughter. "You can take your share of the blame, too. You didn't know how to be normal-nice, so you bought him a tie. He'd take you home drunk because you were a goddamn mess. He's even settle you in your room, before you started invited him to just drink at your house—And that was when he'd start getting touchy—Which you didn't want too admit you liked until he went _just_ too far." He groans derisively before going on. "And then you tried to play it off like you weren't worth it, when you were really afraid you already counted on him too much."

I clear my throat, to try and respond, but he doesn't let me. Ryota continues his tirade.

"But you never discouraged him, just let Tohru think it was his idea like a real coward—Till he had that panic attack—" He makes an agitated noise. " _And then_ you had to tell him that you loved him so soon after—Shoving any last shard of reason out the window; trying to further bind him to you in a selfish way. Things just spiraled from there..."

 _Damn it—_

 _I—_

 _I know I'm just as much at fault—But I don't want to hear this._

"Once he knew he had you where _he_ needed you, he'd just do whatever he wanted. I'm not saying he doesn't love you—Yes, I know what he says about love, but you and I see it mixed in with the other fucked-up feelings swirling in his mind. So, I'm not saying he used you—I don't actually think that, even if on some level, you still wonder. That's _my_ conclusion, from the way I've seen him act, both here and what I saw before I could get out."

Ryota scratches his head, looking as though he's trying to tie up all the loose strands of thought. "But he needed you and _think_ you need him and you both use that against each other, prompting the other to act worse and worse. You let him have too much control and he enjoys how much you've let him see that you think you need him—He's too damn insecure himself. Both of you turds need to get a grip on how much you _actually_ care and stop testing each other all the damn time."

We lapse into silence again. I think maybe he's asleep, but the Ryota speaks another time; to check on me.

"Oi," Ryota calls over. "You okay? _Somebody_ needs to tell you."

"I know," I eventually reply. "Kanji has tried, but..."

Ryota grunts. "But you don't listen to anyone—" Ryota groans, sounding exasperated. "Lastly I need to say that you're both adults. You shouldn't be acting like you need to be around each other all the damn time. You both have your own lives outside of each other—Well, you _should_. So think on that."

"Yes," I grudgingly agree. "Alright let's sleep... I have work in the morning."

"You go it," Ryota yawns at the suggestion. "Just remember there are other people around who can help you—Who _want_ to help you."

"I'll try." I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I kick the blanket within reach and pull it up and over Tohru; the way he likes.

I try to relax and drift off. I rub Tohru's back, trying to loosen some of the knots. He sighs but I don't think he's awake.

 _Like this he's so..._

 _Peaceful..._

I pinch my eyes shut.

 _Looks like I need him to sleep as much as he needs me._


	81. The Way Things Are (Kazoku)

NOTES: I'm worried I'm going to have to scrap and rewrite the second half of this argument (going to be chapter 39) because Tohru's getting too aggressive in my current version—Don't want them escalating things too far. But they might. .

A few people have told me they like the shorter chapters in Kazoku vs the longer chapters from Watakushi. I might be able to double-post today is I can finish the Tohru-Aizawa chapter this afternoon~ (The shorter chapters is why I've been able to double-post so often.)

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Six: The Way Things Are

(Tohru)

I wake up when an alarm goes off. I moan and reach up to smack Ryoutarou. He shifts and turns it off just as a second one starts up.

I make another noise and he reaches down to rub my head. _Dammit make the blaring stop! That's what I want._

I know the top of my head is what he's going for—But Ryoutarou misses and rubs my face, so I nip his finger.

"Ow!" he grunts, trying to yank it away. I hear someone yawn while other people start to move around the small room. "Gotta get up," Ryoutarou mumbles to me. He starts to take off the blanket and I groan, burying my face in his shirt.

"It's so bright in here!" I say.

I hear effing Ryota laugh. When I still don't move, Ryoutarou sits up. I ended up further down than I usual, with my arms wrapped around his stomach, so I'm bent backwards as he rises.

"Nrr!" I vocalize.

"C'mon Tohru," Kanji calls, already dressed and looking about ready to rush out the door. "Let's go eat and I'll bring you to work."

I curl up again after Ryoutarou stands. He changes out of the yukata and glances down at me. "He can't," Ryoutarou sighs. "He has Aizawa today—He'll be in late."

"Haha~" I tiredly jeer. "I have the psychiatrist!"

Kanji groans. "You're bragging about your court-mandated murderer-therapy? Classy."

"Oh!" Mitsuo interjects. "I have one of those, too! Sucks, right?"

"We don't _get_ better," I yawn. "Can't fix us~"

Mitsuo 'mmhmm's me and I hear Kanji curse and say something along the lines of 'this being his life now'. Ryota still seems to find all of us hilarious. _At least I have a new audience._

My gaze flicks over to the gigantic version of Ryoutarou—With his new contacts and his shitty dye job. He catches me staring and gives me a questioning look. I shake my head and drag a pillow over.

"Tohru— _Up_. We need to eat and get going," Ryoutarou commands, nudging me with his socked foot.

I sit up and Mitsuo stifles a laugh. "His hair!" he screeches and I pat at my head, trying to get it back in place.

"Can't all have flat hair like you, bozo!" I retort.

"It's even easier when it's shorter," Mitsuo grins.

Ryoutarou holds out his hand and I sigh and take it, standing to get my own things together. " _You_ need a haircut," I tell him, looking at his funny bedhead. He dips down and I try to flatten it, but while his hair's long for him, it's still too short to work with. I retract my hand to spit on it and he gapes.

" _No_." He backs away. "That's gross."

I shrug and wipe my hand on my— _Dammit where the fuck are my clothes?_

I find them under the futon. I stashed my pants where no one would go through them because I didn't have anywhere to put the photo where he wouldn't see it. _That shit will make him feel weird. I'm not explaining it unless he finds it..._

When I pull on my pants, Kanji groans. " _What?_ " I ask, whirling around to glare.

"You don't wear underwear?" he questions. "That's... Eww."

I flip him off and buckle my belt. "Glad I don't care what you think~" I put on my shirt and slide into my sneakers. "Ready."

"Then let's check out," Ryoutarou orders. "We all need to get going. I'll drop Kubo and Ryota at the station."

"Fine by me," Kanji nods.

Ryota scratches his neck. "I might hang around for a while. Is that alright?"

Ryoutarou shrugs. "I don't care."

"I still wanna ride to the station!" Mitsuo practically yells, as if we'll leave him if he doesn't let us know immediately.

Ryoutarou nods and we all follow him out of the room and down to the restaurant. Yukiko greets us and says to take any table. The others thank her and I choose an empty table in the corner of the room.

"Set or a la carte?" Ryoutarou asks Kanji. "I haven't be here in years..."

I stare at him, surprised. "You've stayed here before?"

"Yes," he clears his throat. "A long time ago."

When I quickly turn to gauge Ryota's response, I notice he's got his head buried in a menu. "Know what _you_ want?" I quip, pulling it down. He's bright red and I roll my eyes.

"I'd like to go home, now," Ryota meekly tells me.

I raise my eyebrows at him and mutter. "Uh-huh. Shitty-ass liar."

Ryoutarou is shaking his head at the other man. " _Thanks_ —Now _everyone_ can read your thoughts and memories."

"Uhh," Kanji tries to change the subject. "They have sets and they're easier than picking everything out individually. I like the one with the tamagoyaki and mixed rice?"

No one speaks again until someone takes our order. We all get sets except Mitsuo, who wants only steamed rice. "I can't eat anything so early," he qualifies. "My stomach isn't ready for read for food until at least noon..."

After eating, we pay for our food and check out at the front desk. Ryoutarou spends a few minutes chatting with one of Yukiko's family members and then we're off.

We leave Mitsuo at the station and then drive back the our house— _I finally feel like I can start calling it_ _my_ _house, too._

"Tadaima," I say to no one. Ryoutarou chuckles as he walks through the door behind me. "This shouldn't take too long. I'm his first appointment today."

"It'll take as long as you need," Ryoutarou replies, sounding edgy. "I blocked out my morning. Do you want me to go upstairs? Just get me when you're done."

I shrug. "You can stay. I like having you around~" I grin.

"I don't—" he starts but then pauses. "I need to give you your space. I shouldn't have to hear everything."

"But you said—" I frown, confused.

Ryoutarou shakes his head. "You'll tell me when you're ready. It's not my place to make you feel like you have to censor yourself with your doctor. I'm pretty sure that's against the privacy laws."

He starts to retreat, walking straight for the stairs. I zip over and grab the back of Ryoutarou's shirt to stop him. I feel my eyes flicking around. "At least sit with me until he gets here."

 _I don't like that his face looks sad—Don't know what the hell's going on now._

Ryoutarou nods and allows me to pull him over to the couch. I nudge him to sit like a normal person and catch him grimacing. I glare when he finally takes a seat and faces me.

"Okay—What the fucking fuck?" I enunciate, folding my arms. He peers up at me, confused about who the hell knows. "What the fucking fuck is going on?"

"Huh?" he tries, eyes flicking away.

"You heard me." I stay standing, just out of reach so he can't try and pass this off by hugging me or something else stupid. "What's going on?"

Ryoutarou sighs and rubs his face. "Nothing. I only wanted to give you space so you're comfortable wi—"

I groan and he stops, a worried, almost timid expression settling in.

 _There he goes again. Those buzzwords!_

"What did I tell you about 'space'? About _handling_ me?" I spit, starting to fume. "Those are all words meant to calm me down and avoid whatever the issue is. So— _Tell me what it is_ ," I demand.

"I was thinking that we should set better boundaries," he tries, coughing awkwardly at the end.

I take a step forward. "I like them the way they are _now_."

"We don't have them now," he carefully tells me, gazing down at his feet.

"Well what boundaries do you want?"

 _Still not making eye contact—_

"I think you should have your appointments on your own unless you need me for something specific. I'll wait upstairs or outside."

I don't move, just wait. He glances up and then back down. And then says what's really on his mind.

"I think it's time you stop biting me," Ryoutarou says and we let it hang there in silence for a time.

"That's what _you_ think?" I challenge. "Or that's what Kanji or Ryota thinks?"

He shakes his head. "It's what a lot of people think." Finally meeting my eyes, Ryoutarou looks like he's conflicted. "I want us to have a healthier relationship."

"Are you telling me to stop?"

"I'm _asking_ you to stop." Now he does reach out to pull me over. "We both know I'm not going to _make_ you do anything. I'm done pretending that I ever will."

I sit cross-legged and face Ryoutarou.

 _There's gotta be some sort of a compromise..._

"Okay," I relent—A little. "I won't do it anywhere noticeable if you start wearing tee-shirts again."

He makes a pained face and I roll me eyes. "That's not why I—" he abruptly stops speaking and sighs. "Yeah. _Fine_."

I grin. But for only a second—

" _If_ ," Ryoutarou qualifies. "You prove to me that you're over it. Because I don't think _you_ are."

Now it's my turn to be aggravated. "I— _I am..._ " I sit up straighter and narrow my gaze.

Ryoutarou snorts. "Then I want a redo of that night," he tells me. I feel my eyes pop open super wide. "I won't be drunk and you'll be calm."

Sighing, he goes on, rubbing the back of his head. "I want a redo of a lot of things, but I'll settle for this."

"Wha—What _else_ do you want a redo of?!"

 _Should I be offended?_

He scratches his arm and considers my question. "It's not just me, right? We rushed a lot of normal, relationship milestones. I wish we could've had those... I wish they were happier moments."

"Like what?" I scoff.

"Well," he starts, looking embarrassed. "Firstly, we started actually seeing each other _after_ we started fooling around. That's kind of a big one... I'm happy I knew how you felt, but it was like we bypassed other things. Soon after I blurted out that I love you and you played dead."

"Then the fist time I asked you to move in, you dumped me," Ryoutarou sighs. "Out of the blue. When I needed you the most. You—" he groans. "You really did it in about the worst possible way.

"The second time, I was afraid you only agreed because you had nowhere else to go—I wanted to at least show you that I still supported you, in a different capacity if that's what you wanted."

"So I tried to give you space when you got here. You got angry if I asked instead of assumed, but I— _I wanted you to_ _decide_ if you still wanted to be with me, not feel like you had to. Then there's the way I asked you about koseki, which is definitely on me, but..."

Ryoutarou sighs. "So yeah," he chokes out. "There are things I wish we could redo, in a better way—Like..." He groans. "Like how I wanted us to start over when you came here. There isn't some big _rush_ —We have each other for as long as— _Well forever, if it's up to me_."

"That's _my_ plan," I quip. "And I've told you how I am. How nothing's ever enough. I don't want you pushing me away—"

He cuts me off with a sigh. Then he rolls his eyes and opens his arms. "It's going to have to be enough," he says when I hug him. "I don't have much more to give."

"Alright," Ryoutarou finally tells me. "So I'm going upstairs for this and you'll call me when you're finished, unless you need me for something."

"Whatever," I reply, hugging him tighter and leaning him back.

"Cut it out," Ryoutarou warns me, rubbing my back. "I'm leaving the minute I hear the doorbell."

I shift around, getting more comfortable. "Okay."

 _He closes his eyes, probably thinking 'for a minute', like he always does._ But soon his hand stills and then I hear the snoring.

 _We're not going backwards. I'm not breaking through all those fortified walls all over again. For a third time._

I slide off the couch, moving my feet first so I can stand. Deciding to wait for Aizawa outside, I quietly open the front door.

 _Guess I have something to talk about today..._


	82. Extra Help (Kazoku)

NOTES: On no jeez! Whenever I start any character reflecting it has a tendency to get super moody super quick.

I've also been thinking (with subtle nudges from my husband) that maybe I'll go with Yukiko/Kanji? It'd work out easier and they're together often enough. I want everyone to have someone. That's the kind of guy I am! Who do y'all wanna see her end up with? There's plenty of time to decide, just curious. This is a not-quite-nice thought, but it'd be fun to have one relationship that doesn't work out at all, and then at least one party involved see someone else. I like drama too much...

I'm also planning to include Chie in the group for the next story. She's moving back! She gets mentioned in this chapter, so I thought it was finally time to bring it up.

I'm probably making the inn bigger than it was. Well, I want it to be a decent size! Two floors of rooms, with a restaurant, conference rooms, the indoor and outdoor onsen... I just added a small theatre. (Like for free guest movies. I've seen those a lot at hotels.) And a basement with laundry facilities, the general housekeeping area, and storage. Oh and the lobby and two offices on the first floor. Another office in the basement. I think that's it. AND I don't think I have the time to learn how to run an inn. So most of her day is based on educated guesses.

As another note. Ugh. I cannot believe myself. When I chose the names for some of my original characters it was before I even BOUGHT P5 (friends and I made a nospoilers pact where we didn't look up anything but the release date and then played the first ~10 hours together). I did not realize how close Ryuuji Sakamoto is to the P5 character (who is Ryuji with one "u") and want to smack my head into a wall. It also did not click until I was browsing through the Persona tag and I saw it and blanched. A friend that I play with keeps calling him (the real one) "Ryoji" so I didn't put two and two together until one or two days ago. I chose the name Ryuuji here because it's one my favorite Japanese names. I like the version with the characters for "twin dragons" (竜二). The Ryuji from P5 is written more like "imperial dragon" (竜司).

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Extra Help

(Yukiko)

I see my—mostly—friends converse and squabble with each other in the corner of the restaurant.

I'm happy that the hotel made it through the tougher times and that we can be a place for everyone to meet. I've enjoyed hosting my friends who've moved away over the years, and am delighted that I have been able to continue an important tradition in the town that molded me.

 _Though days like toady... I wish I could sit with them and enjoy more free time. Kanji and Teddie are lucky they spend most of their days together. And Nanako—I miss hanging around with her, too._

 _During my last year in high school, the year after Yuu moved back to the city, I would accompany Kanji and Teddie—and then Chie came with us—on their visits to the Dojima residence. Kanji helped me learn to follow recipes better, and I would bring the food. We'd all spend time together every few weeks; I liked it._

I catch myself paying more attention to the five in the corner than I should be— _Need to keep working seriously as proprietor._

Kanji and Adachi are especially animated this morning, yelling back and forth while Kubo cackles and Dojima tries to calm them down. _I know Kanji is suitably annoyed with Adachi's return. I don't believe they're bothering anyone, but I wish they wouldn't argue so much..._

 _He was texting me kind of ranty last night. I couldn't follow._

It's easy to see when they're done eating because I can hear Adachi loudly making fun of Ryota for saying the traditional "gochisousama". And then Kanji is scolding the crazy man again. I glance over at the noise and Dojima has his head in his hands and is telling them to shut up.

They file out in a line, with Dojima separating Kanji and Adachi—The latter of whom is trying to slap Kanji. Ryota grabs his wrist and Adachi hisses at him, kicking out a foot that Ryota easily sidesteps, twisting the smaller man's arm behind his back. Kubo is last, but laughing much less and eyeing me suspiciously.

 _He's been acting strangely shy around me, which I find hilarious. He kept asking me out so long ago, but now it's as though I intimidate him. I have this urge to yell 'boo' when he passes by and nods meekly._

Ryota drops Adachi to stop and speak with me while the others continue on. "I have time before work. Is there anything I could do to make up for my share of the room?" he asks.

Surprised at the question, I motion him aside while I hand out menus and point a family to their table. I shouldn't take advantage of the offer, but someone called in sick and we _are_ shorthanded in housekeeping. _But who would want to fold sheets and hang yukata for hours?_

I frown, unsure if I should say anything. _Don't want to be too rude._

"What is it?" Ryota asks me. "Something I can do?" He folds his arms and grins. "They only have me doing security at the station because I'm tall and know martial arts. But I can do other things, too."

"Feel free to say no..." I start off with. He cocks his head to the side, wondering what kind of crappy job it'll be. "We could really use someone in the laundry room today. Do you know how use a washing machine?"

He nods eagerly. "Yeah—I can do that. I have to leave at three to be back in time; four if there's a big enough TV."

"I'll see what I can do," I laugh. "We have a small theatre. As long as no one's around..."

"Sounds good," Ryota nods. "Where do I go?" He glances around, fidgeting.

"I can take you in fifteen minutes, if you want to have a seat in the lobby. That's when I make the mid-morning rounds."

"I see. How many rounds do you do a day?" he curiously questions.

I hand out more menus and gesture to open tables. "Let's see," I think aloud. "There's morning, mid-morning, kitchen, post-lunch, onsen, banquet rooms, kitchen again, and evening." I count the fingers I have raised. "So eight times, total."

"Busy," Ryota remarks.

"Very," I affirm.

Ryota unobtrusively leans against the wall instead of venturing out to the lobby. "How's your friend?" he queries. "I haven't heard anything about her."

"Chie?" I reply. He verifies my train of thought with a small nod. "She'll be visiting next week, actually," I excitedly relay. "She's trying to get a job here—She really followed through and will be completing academy soon." I giggle at the image of my best friend in a police uniform—For some reason the women's version just won't come to mind.

"She'll be staying with me for a few days while she interviews and looks for an apartment—Wait," I pause. "If you don't know, do the others? Dojima must know, right?"

Ryota shrugs. "Guess it'll be a surprise. He _loves_ those," the man chuckles. "Though unless she fishes him out of his office, he probably won't even notice. He hides in there most of the day."

I laugh again. "Chie can be loud... I don't think anyone can miss her!" I'm still giggling a little when another woman comes over to relieve me. I thank her and motion to Ryota. My coworker jumps a little when he walks over to us. She instinctively holds out a menu.

"Oh, no," I cover my mouth—This isn't helping the laughter. "This is Ryota-san. He'll be filling in today." He bows and she retracts the menu, bowing slightly back to him. "All right. I'll be back later." I also bow, then begin to lead us to the basement.

Ryota wordlessly follows me, watching the other workers rush by. We finally enter the door-less laundry area.

"Hmm," I say aloud, wandering over to the carts and machines. "The yukata go in there and then need to be hung—It looks like there are some ready to be brought up to the rooms now. You'll need to wear gloves for anything dirty... The linens and towels—They go in those washers, then these dryers." I point everything out and show Ryota how to hand the yukata. He's surprisingly good at putting them together.

"I—I know what I'm doing with these," he tells me. I watch as he properly folds and then hangs two more, carrying them to a long rack that will go up to the rooms.

I nod approvingly. "I'll be back to get you for lunch, alright?" He nods, already throwing bundles of dirty fabric into the various machines. "Thank you again for the help," I call as I pick my way back through the basement corridor.

 _It looks like today will go more smoothly than I had expected! I was worried that I would need to spend my lunch doing the backed-up laundry._

 _I should've made them all help out. I doubt anyone but Adachi would've said 'no'. Together, all five are like watching an odd game show._

I can't help smiling as I climb the stairs. _I didn't get to see much of the others, but..._

 _Things have been so busy for me, lately. I'm realizing that I forgot how nice it is having friends around._


	83. Mendokusai (Kazoku)

NOTES: "Mendokusai" is a common Adachi-ism. It translates to "bothersome".

I don't know what to call those wooden half-porches in some Japanese yards... So I just used the word "porch". But if you know Persona, you know the thing I'm talking about in the Doujima back yard.

When I wrote and rewrote the Aizawa stuff like fifty times I was thinking about Nanako finding the guns. So we're clear—She never went through his stuff, but found the ones he hid in other places in the house. I went back and checked. He says to himself that he has about ten and she found either four or six. (Though I don't doubt she'd go right through his shit if she were really worried. She's a tiny, take-action woman!)

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Mendokusai

(Tohru)

I sit in the yard and scroll through the messages on my phone. I'm positioned behind the wall so that walkers and bikers can't see me, but _I'll_ be able to see Aizawa when he comes to the door.

Mitsuo want to know when he can come over again or if I want to meet him near where he works to play more games. Kanji wants to know if I'll be in before or after lunch, because if it's after he can pick me up.

 _Yeah I'd rather not. I can tell that we're getting way to close to the point where he's going to try to fight me. And I'll fucking obliterate him._

 _And then everyone else will be mad at me._

I pull at the grass between my legs. _This is getting too bothersome._

 _Maybe if I just let him beat me up he'll calm down. Worth a shot..._

 _Though then Ryoutarou will be angry with the both of us—Kanji for going through with it, and me for letting him kick the crap out of me. I could put on a show, pretend to fight back..._

 _Naah they all know how strong I am. It wouldn't do any good._

I tell Kubo I'll let him know when I'm free, and then start typing to Kanji. I say that Ryoutarou will drive me, but I'll definitely be in. _Need to square away whatever is going to happen between us._

I hear a gait that sounds like Aizawa's, so I sit up straighter and wait. Sure enough, he walks through the gate and right up to the door.

"Hi," I call, before he can knock or ring the bell.

Startled, he turns to his left and sees me. "Oh, Adachi-san. Good morning."

"Ryou's sleeping downstairs. Can we do this outside or in my room?" I ask.

The man shrugs. "That's fine with me."

I nod and stand, motioning for him to follow me to the back yard.

"How are you today?" Aizawa amiably questions.

I sniff. "Just okay..."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he prompts. "How's your mood?"

"Bad," I plainly reply, stuffing my hands into my pockets. In the back, Aizawa takes a seat on the porch and pulls out papers and a clipboard. He nods for me to go on when I'm ready.

I sigh. "Well, I'm worried Ryou's mad at me and I know Kanji is." I pace the patio and play with my lighter.

"Do you think you did something to upset them?"

I glower at the lighter. "Ryou says we need 'better boundaries', but it feels like he's trying to push me away." I shrug, spinning the little metal gadget around my hands.

"Please don't do that," Aizawa interrupts, and I turn my glare on him.

I grunt, replacing the lighter in my pocket. I lace my hands behind my head instead as I continue walking in odd patterns across the cement. "He already knew how I am," I complain, sounding angrier than I intended.

Aizawa nods slowly, probably putting his thoughts together. "Boundaries," he finally begins. I feel myself already frowning. "They're to make both people feel safe and respected. They're not a bad thing, unless they're unreasonable."

"What would be unreasonable?" I challenge.

"Let's start with _reasonable_ instead," he retorts. "Is there anything you'd like to use as an example."

I grunt and kick a small rock across the yard. "No."

"Okay, then I'll pick something." Aizawa roots around in his bag for a blank piece of paper and begins to write. "Let's start with physical boundaries." He glances over at me and I nod, paying attention. "If someone closes a door, what does it mean?"

"Privacy," I huff. "They probably want to be left alone."

"Correct!" he grins and points his pen at me. It takes a lot of willpower not to snap it in half at a stupid question like at. "If you want to talk to them what do you do?"

I sigh. "Knock on the door."

"Corre—" Aizawa stops short when I glare. "O-okay... The door is the boundary. You should only open it if the person tells you that it's all right. If they say you may come in, you're crossing a boundary in a good, healthy manner. If they tell you not to come in and you ignore that, you're crossing a boundary in a bad or unhealthy way."

"Okay."

"What's a boundary you have?" he asks me. "With anyone."

I shake a my head. "I don't know!" I growl, trying to come up with something easy. "I don't want people going through my stuff—How's that?"

"Do others go through your things?" Aizawa nervously questions.

"No! You asked for an example. _Jeez—_ "

"Alright. Well that's a good example of a poorly-defined boundary."

"What?! Why?" I reply. "It makes perfect sense! _Just don't touch my stuff."_

He sighs. "No, see—" Aizawa writes on the paper and hands it to me, outlining as he's trying to explain. "A good boundary would be for people to stay out of your room without permission. If your things are around the house, someone may need to touch them to move them out of the way. Are you okay with that?"

"Yes," I nod.

"Well. Then if they touch your things when they're in a common area, it's not crossing the well-defined boundary of not going through the things in your room. But if they go into your room... Then that's violating your clearly-communicated boundary, as well as your trust."

I nod again, understanding the basic concept. "But how do you know if someone's going too far? What if they're asking something unreasonable?"

"If you or someone else feels uncomfortable, you may be going too far—You need to ask questions to understand. But you can't be too demanding, because that isn't right, either." He pauses to click his pen a few times. "If anyone makes you feel unsafe, or if you make _them_ feel unsafe, then you need better boundaries."

I jump up and pace the line between the patio and the grass again. "Okay..." I exhale heavily, trying to piece it all together.

"You can always call if you have a problem," Aizawa tells me. "Myself or someone else from my office if available twenty-four-seven."

I turn towards him and chew on the inside of my cheek. "Cool. Thanks." I bob my head up and down as I continue my closed loop.

"Now why is your mood poor?" Aizawa asks after a few minutes tick slowly by. "That's something I need to monitor."

When I'm facing away, I give the wall a black look and stay there until it's gone. "I argued with a few people. I'm aggravated—" I link my hands behind my back and stretch.

"There's somebody—He and I are close, but... He always acts like he knows _everything_. Like he knows me and Ryou and what's good for us. And they're close friends, so I don't want to, but... But pretty soon I think we're going to have a big fight. It's been building up since he came to see me in the prison before I left."

"Why do you think that is?" he evasively quizzes.

I frown. "You know, he's—" I groan. "He's one of the ones who got me to turn myself in. And he's been close with Ryou and Nanako and he thinks I'm bad for them—Ryou especially..." I clutch at my head, feeling itchy on the inside.

"N-nn— _Not his business_ — _Doesn't know me and_ —And he just doesn't think I treat him right and _it pisses me off!_ "

I end up advancing on Aizawa, stomping over and he pales a bit—

" _And what the fuck does Kanji know about anything?!_ "

I'm stopped far enough away from Aizawa that he shouldn't look so terrified. He has his clipboard held lengthwise between us, pointing at me like a plate or something. I narrow my eyes at him and he pulls it back.

I also take a few steps backwards. "A-a-as I was saying," I let out a shaky sigh. "I'm worried there's no way to solve this without fighting. I'm—" I sigh. "I feel cornered. And _that's_ when I make the bad decisions."

Aizawa wrinkles his forehead and rummages through his bag. "Like a panic attack?"

"No," I laugh—Actually manage to _laugh_. "I have those, too. They're different."

"Uh-huh..." he says to himself. "When did this start?"

I snort, my expression definitely changing to 'disdainful'. " _It never stopped._ What do you think—Something like this just _goes away_?" I grab at my bangs to get them out of my face. "It's practically hard-wired in."

Aizawa holds out a blister pack of something. "Try this anyways. It's for panic attacks, but it should calm you down—You're not on anything for panic attacks."

"I'm not," I affirm, snatching the small amount of pills and cautiously reading the brief drug facts on the backs of each tab. _I think they gave me these in prison... Or something very similar._

"Call me if you take one, so you can tell me if it helps."

I stuff them in my pocket and nod. "Okay. So what do I do about Kanji?"

"Talk it out," he says, as if it's the obvious solution. "Have someone there to mediate if it would make you feel safer—Someone not directly involved. Meaning _don't_ make it Dojima-san."

 _I feel that'll be safer for dumb Kanji. Fucking meathead._

"Anything else?" I ask, attempting to compose myself again.

"Not unless something else is bothering you," he replies, still writing on that clipboard.

I shake my head. "I'll see you to the front, then." I sit on the grass while the other man finishes his notes and packs everything up.

After I watch him amble down the street, back to the town and the station, I go into the house. Ryoutarou's still out. The clock by the front door says it's only around ten.

 _Maybe we can spend a little time here before we go. I really, really don't want to deal with Kanji, even with Teddie and Tatsumi around._

 _If tries to argue with me I'll snap the punk in half._

I sigh and crouch down, rubbing at my forehead and scratching my head. When I'm alright, I decide to run the coffeemaker. _Maybe then we can start the day over._

 _If only he'd let it drop..._

I take the pre-ground stuff out of the cabinet so I don't wake Ryoutarou and dump spoonfuls into the basket, add the water, and then flick it on. I glance at the couch while I wait for enough to come out of the damn thing so I can pour a cupful.

 _I wonder what time he absolutely has to be in by?_

 _I wonder how bad it is at work...?_

 _He said the others were being a bunch of bastards. Is there anything I can even do?_

 _I mean—I got what I wanted. Everyone knows my place here, but it's not turning out the way I wanted._

I flick my eyes over to the couch again. _He's really out, snoring and all. Still looks messy and hasn't changed..._

The coffeemaker beeps, interrupting my thoughts. The familiar noise seems to rouse Ryoutarou. I see him blink a few times and look around. He starts to roll over and I cringe—I know I'll never make it over before he ends up on the floor.

Sure enough, he falls. I try not to laugh.

Ryoutarou groans when he lands on the tatami. "Morning~" I call.

"Hnn..."

I pour him the coffee and carry it over. "Have a nice nap?" I ask, smiling as best I can. He leans sits up and leans against the couch, taking the mug from me.

"Yes," he says, sounding tired and gravelly. When I snicker he gives me a sleepy look and halfheartedly pokes me. "How long until Aizawa comes?"

Now I _really_ laugh. "He already came and went!"

"Oh," he replies, sipping the scalding liquid. "How was it?"

I can't help my brows from drawing together into what's probably a frown. "Okay."

Ryoutarou nods and we sit in silence until he finishes the coffee. He stands and stretches, telling me he needs to change and that I should, too.

I roll my eyes. "Not like anyone cares about what I'm wearing."

"Be clean," he groans. "Come on."

"When do we have to leave?" I ask as we climb the stairs.

"Huh?" he replies. "After we change. I shouldn't take off more time than I need to."

I'm in front of my door, debating if he'll let it all drop. _But I doubt it._

"Should we talk about earlier before we go?"

Ryoutarou sighs and turns around to look at me. "Do _you_ want to talk about it right now?" he questions. "We don't have to this minute—But soon." He sighs and runs a hand through his totally messy hair, then makes a face like he's just remembering he looks really unkempt.

He rubs his cheeks, like he's checking how much of a beard is starting to show. "How about I get you a little early and we'll go over it again then?" He pauses, then adds more. "It _is_ a Friday. Shouldn't be a problem."

 _When did he get so lax about work hours?_

"Okay..." I head into my room for clothes and can hear him walk into the bedroom to find his own.

 _He had said that he cut his hours, but... It seems like he works barely half of the day._

I throw my dirty clothes in a pile and take out clean shorts and a tank top. _Something isn't clicking into the right place._


	84. Kanashii Uta (Kazoku)

NOTES: Chapter title means "sad song" and it a lyric from the song spoken of below.

I was listening to a live version of "I Love You" while I worked and the thought that it should randomly come on hit me like a shot through the heart! This is a translation by me of the bulk of the lyrics! It's a slow song by Yutaka Ozaki. There are a million versions on Youtube if you're curious. I'm also thinking I should put some playlists together on there… For the songs I use in chapter titles or straight-out in the story, like today. Could be fun.

So I hope the translation is at least par—I'm still learning Japanese. And for yesterday's chapter especially, man I read so man articles on setting boundaries. Still learning so much working on this.

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Kanashii Uta

(Ryoutarou)

When I make it back downstairs, Tohru is already filling my thermos. I smile at him

and pick up the rest of my things.

"Ready?" I ask. He nods and grabs his drawstring backpack. "What do you even carry around in there?" I curiously question.

Tohru shrugs. "You know," he smirks wickedly. "Games. Snacks. Guns."

I groan and try to take the flimsy bag from him, but Tohru dodges and opens the door to the garage. He's in the car with that door locked before I can try again. I secure the house and climb into my own seat.

"You'll be in real trouble if someone else finds those," I try.

"Can't wear a holster with clothes like this," he tells me matter-of-factly; still with a playfulness to his voice.

I sigh. "Then wear something else."

"No thanks! It's hot and summer will be over soon enough. Better get the most I can out of the lighter clothes~"

On the road now, I turn on the radio and Tohru grabs his head and moans when he realizes it's a talk show. I chuckle and leave it. _He can find something else if he really wants._

"Boring~" Tohru complains and tries to change the station. He misses and presses the button for a CD instead.

"— _for our love can't forgive everything."_

I feel my body immediately stiffen— _Haven't listened to a CD since my last drive up to the prison—_

 _Forgot what was even in there—_

I can tell I'm instinctively mouthing the words…

" _We're like stray cats abandoned in an empty box, being covered up by dead leaves."_

 _This song is…_

"Wow; dark!" Tohru breathes. "I thought all you owned were Yazawa and Hound Dog CDs…"

" _You cry out in a lonely voice just like a kitten's."_

"Well, this is a real downer~" he sighs, still grinning and playing around. When he reaches to change the music again, I see him turn to me, probably wondering if his dig made me laugh.

" _If we hold each other tightly, sharing our tenderness on this old bed, if we close our eyes so our love doesn't turn into a sad song."_

" _Some secrets of our love can't be spoken aloud."_

I used to play this song over and over, singing intermittently. _It felt too apt._

"Uh, Ryou—" he tries, anxiously using the version of my name he only pulls out in public or to placate me.

" _I love you. It's a love that can't be reached right now, for we'll only get hurt as we dream of it."_

"H-how about we change the CD? Maybe that shit about dancing on the beach?"

" _You keep asking if I love you; again and again."_

He's rummaging through the console, looking through the few albums I keep in the car. "You've got _Twist_ in here—Want that?"

I don't really feel as though I can reply, too wrapped up in keeping it together. _This is the first time it's played since—_

" _Almost as if you can't live without this love either."_

"Hey!" Tohru yelps, finally pressing the button and popping out _For All My Loves_. We drive in silence and he chucks the plastic disc onto the dashboard. "What the _what_ was that?"

I glance over at him, out of the corner of my eye. "What was what?" I ask, my voice even but sounding a touch raw.

"You just…" Tohru shakes his head. "You looked really sad."

I clear my throat a few times. "Did I?"

"Don't give me that!" he admonishes.

"Alright…" We don't speak while I stew; relenting after a few minutes. "I listened to that album a lot—Especially that song. It's become a favorite."

Tohru snorts. "That's what it looked like. Aside from, _you know_ , you almost bursting into tears or something."

"I got to learn the words to a _lot_ of songs," I protest. "It was a long drive to visit you—" I defensively try again, but cut myself off.

He's sitting sideways in the seat regarding me carefully and not even bothering with the belt— _Another small aggravation._ "So, what?" Tohru scoffs. "Did you just keep playing it over and over? Like a pathetic fifteen year old?"

I grunt. "When I was fifteen we couldn't get music on demand like this." Tohru groans and I frown, not answering the question right away. He pokes my arm and I swat him away. " _Yes._ I would get stuck in a loop sometimes, okay?"

"At least you're being honest..."

"I'm _always_ honest," I counter.

Tohru shakes his head at me and sighs dramatically. "White lies are still lies~"

"Yes."

We're almost in town, when he asks what time I'll be back. "Just wanna make sure I'm all ready to go." Tohru leans back against the car door and watches me carefully.

"I need to work at least three hours today..." I do the math in my head. "Probably I'll be there a little before two-thirty."

"Just three?" he questions.

"You want me to work _later_?" I reply with an edge to my voice.

I look over and Tohru's scratching his head, a blank expression on his face. I know it's how he hides his thoughts. "How many hours have you been working a week?"

"Is this an interrogation?" I stolidly rebut.

"Should it be?" he challenges right back.

I sigh, tapping my hands on the steering wheel. I flick the radio on again and finally slide my CD back into the deck— _Don't want to leave it sitting out like that on the dash._ "I don't see why this should matter. I'm almost fifty, but I don't want to retire," I recite the practiced line. "So I simply slashed my hours."

"Mmhmm. So when did you _start_ working half-days?" Tohru queries.

"Recently," I easily tell him. _Time is relative._ "And they're _not_ half days."

"That so?" he jeers as I pull the car into Kanji's driveway.

I throw it into park and undo my seatbelt. "Yes. You can't drive," I reason to Tohru. "Can't get a license again for some time, so if you have an appointment I'll take you."

"You don't drive Nanako around town," he remarks, narrowing his gaze.

 _I'm not worried someone will jump and try to beat Nanako. And she's usually with Teddie, anyhow. Sometimes Kanji picks her up..._

"You're saying you only cut your hours to cart me around? I can buy a bike."

I have to laugh. "Do you even know how to ride a bike? There's one in the garage, if you'd prefer."

"That's not answering the question, old man." He's frowning deeply, but I don't want to tell him— _Don't want him to know it was 'strongly recommended' I half my days or opt for early retirement._

Trying to brush this off again, I give him a different truth. "I want to be around." I smile and he narrows his eye at me.

Tohru continues to stare and fully appraises me, trying to read all the things I'm keeping locked up—

 _Need to 'lock it down' like Ryota said. I know he's right. I can't give him more than he can handle; need to make sure I'm not making it harder for Tohru to keep his anger and frustration below threshold. It's our snap decisions and his defensiveness that make everything worse._

"You'd better not lie to me," is all he says.

"I'm not," I reply, disliking the weakness in my voice.

Tohru finally throws his hands up and raise his eyebrows, and I know he's being sarcastic, but letting it drop. I sigh and open the car door.

"You're coming in?" Tohru asks, though I think that's fairly obvious.

"Yes," I say as I start for the door. "I want to talk with Kanji for a few minutes."

He snickers. "That'll be fun to see~"

I glare over at him, but Tohru only grins and grabs my hand. "Don't antagonize him today, alright? I want your word on that."

He sighs and tries pulling away, so I yank on his hand to drag him to me, pulling him into a hug. "I'm serious," I say, holding him still for a minute.

Tohru fidgets, not looking at me. "Fine. I'll do my best."

"Thanks," I reply and kiss him. He looks surprised, but then softens. When I pull away, I take out my cigarettes. "Can a I have a light?"

He nods and holds his lighter up, flicking it both open and on in one smooth motion. "This your way of sending me away?" Tohru catches on.

I chuckle as I take a drag. "I'm not sending you away... But get to work and send Kanji out here."

Tohru grumbles but walks into the house. I sit down on a chair on the back porch while I wait.

"Hey, Ojisan," Kanji greets me, dropping down onto another chair. "You wanted to talk to me?"

I nod. "You two didn't end on a good note," I open. "Is it alright to leave Tohru here today, or should I send him back home?" I lean forward to tap my cigarette on the ground and not the wood of the deck.

"It'll be fine," Kanji replies, looking decidedly _not_ fine. "I'll be gone for a few hours after lunch. We won't even see much of each other. But he and I are having a chat at some point." The kid crosses his arms and I sigh.

"I figured—That's why I'm asking if I should even leave him here or not. I told him not to fight with you, but I trust _you_ more to keep a promise like that. So," I breathe. "Today will be all right? It's only a few hours."

Kanji nods. "Yeah. We'll keep it under control. If we don't, Ma'll yell at us. She won't take any bullshit."

I laugh, smoking more. "She's tough..."

Kanji breaks into a smile. "S'where I get it from!" He flexes his arm and I shake my head.

"It's a good quality, most of the time." I stand and clap him on the shoulder. "I'll be back later. Thanks for everything."

"It's not a problem," Kanji calls after me. "I'd tell you if it was."

"I know," I reply, getting back into my car.


	85. Locked In (Kazoku)

NOTES: "Jiisan" is a kind of rude way to call an old man. It's for people a LOT older, like elderly age. (Think I mentioned this in a different chapter, but...)

I think this story is going to run longer than I thought. I wanted to end it on the Sunday; everyone was going to have a little get-together. But I think we need more resolution on the Adachi-Kanji front. And Nanako hasn't even SEEN Doujima since she got angry, so there's that. Plus someone has to tell her that she has another grandmother... Grr loose ends.

* * *

Chapter Forty: Locked In

(Kanji)

I creep down the hallway, knowing that visitors probably aren't allowed here except for family.

I've spent enough damn time at the hospital that everyone already knows me. A tech I'm friendly with buzzed me right in, thankfully.

I find Dojima's room and knock softly in case he isn't up.

"I'm not taking the damn pills!" I hear him shout and I pinch my eyes shut.

 _Knew this was gonna be a shit visit_. I push the door open anyways and he looks surprised to see me—His eyes go wide and he glares across the room.

I sigh and close the door behind myself.

"Thought this was a 'locked ward'," Dojima mutters.

"It is," I nod. "I'm not really here, cause if I get in trouble they won't let me see Nanako-chan anymore. So don't tell, okay?"

Dojima nods once, still looking angry. "Fine. Then why aren't you in school?"

"I—uhh—I have today off!"

"You're a bad liar, _boy_ ," Dojima grumbles.

I frown at him. "And you're a fucken' mess, _old man_!" I spit back. "I'm just trying to be nice—You always look so lonely."

His face gets all pissed and he glares. "I am _not_ lonely!" Dojima growls.

But then he shakes his head and sighs. "Doesn't matter but— _shit_ —at least be polite, you goddamn punk! It's 'ojisan', not 'jiisan'."

"Fine," I reply, taking a seat in the only chair. "And you're a shittyass liar, too. You're fucking lost and it's really been botherin' me."

Dojima shifts on the bed, propping himself up higher. "I am not ' _lost_ ', you piece of shit!"

"Whatever!" I groan. "Calm down or somebody's gonna come check in here."

We silently scowl at each other for a while. _I have so much stuff I wanna tell him..._

"Y'know," I start, trying to figure out what I wanna say. "I'd always see you around the station when I got picked up... And you always looked you had it so together. I mean, you're messy, but you act like you're in charge and you know what's what—Tough on the bad guys and all that."

"Yeah, _and_?" he demands, his temper flaring up again.

I shift in my seat and scratch my head a little, not really wanting to say what I need to get out. He huffs in annoyance, so I just get it over with. "I guess I kinda looked up to you. Never thought I'd be pinning you to the floor of the hospital cause you wanted to jump. Thought someday I'd wind up pinned to a cop car by _you_ for losing it at a bunch of assholes."

Dojima stares at me quietly for a long time. I don't say anything, just wait to see if he'll reply at all.

He rakes a hand through his hair and winces from whatever injury hurts now—I know he still has a bunch. "Some things finally break you, kid." He sighs. "And you won't see me around for a while. I've been given two months paid leave, so someone else will have to worry about your sorry ass."

"Hey," I shrug. "I haven't been taken in for a while now. I'm turnin' over a new tree!" I flex one arm and he laughs, then coughs and grimaces.

"It's 'leaf'," he tells me.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. You get what I'm saying."

Dojima nods. "Oi," he tries. "Thank you for always coming to see Nanako. _I_ can't right now." His face falls to sad.

"How long?" I question, trying to get the gloomy look off him.

"A week total," he says. "So four more days of this shit. Didn't think _anything_ could be worse than when I was bedridden." He makes another bitter noise. "At least then... _He'd_ come around with food or wheel me around and—" Dojima cuts himself off and slaps a hand to his face, growling out a choked sound.

 _Now he looks so, so, so broken. Like he's been completely abandoned_. It makes me feel like there's nothing any of us can do.

I have to glance away for a minute to make sure I can hold it together. At some point, I turn back to Dojima and he's recovered a little.

He locks eyes with me and damn he just looks so drained. "Kanji," Dojima starts. "You should've let me go. There's more to this than anyone knows, and I don't think I'll get over it."

I shake my head a bunch of times. " _Nuh-uh!_ " I bark and he jumps. "No way in hell!" I almost yell. "You're gonna be fine—You'll get through whatever the fuck this is! We'll all help you and you got a lot to look forward to, so shape up! Nanako's gonna get totally better and you'll both be cool. I swear— _Count on me_." I jam my thumb into my chest and lean forward in my chair.

Dojima laughs uncomfortably. "Trust _me_ ," he breathes. "I don't know what's going to happen. _Don't even know if I'll be able to go back to work after my time is up—_ "

"I'll help you!" I immediately volunteer.

"Wh-what?" Dojima stammers, confused.

"Yeah!" I go on. "I work out every day and mostly know what I'm doing. We'll get you ready for the physical no problem! And if you gotta talk about it, then tell me. Who am _I_ gonna tell? And I _ain't_ judgmental, you should know that by now. I've been coming around a lot, but you're so damn nervous, pushing people away like you're scared of us."

Dojima glares at me again. "Fuck you, kid." I raise my eyebrows and he sighs. "But yeah, alright. Say you really will help me, and I'll try to hurry out of here."

"It's a deal, ojisan," I smile and walk over to shake his hand.

"Easy killer," he warns, pumping mine slowly. "Now get outta here before anyone sees you. I'm..." He trails off and looks away. "I'm happy that Nanako and Yuu have a friend like you."

I feel myself grin as I walk over to the door and peek out, making sure no one does see me. "All clear," I tell him and wave goodbye.

 **#**

I visit Dojima again after he's been released back to the main floors. I brought something to give him, maybe cheer him up.

"Hey old man!" I loudly greet him when I enter his new room.

Dojima sighs. "It's 'ojisan', punk!"

"Hey Punk Ojisan!" I grin. He rolls his eyes and asks me why I'm back. "I brought you somethin'," I tell him. "It's pump-up music! Well... Some of it is. You'll see."

I dig around in my backpack and pull out a bright orange CD player. When I hold it out to him though, Dojima flinches away from me. "W-where'd you get that?" he demands. "Did you kids go into my room?"

"Uhh," I scratch the back of my neck. "No. Senpai found it under the old kotatsu and everyone says it's not theirs—Even Nanako. So he said I could have it and, you know, pass it on to you. It's not yours, right?"

"No," he grunts. "Definitely _not_."

I laugh. "Yeah we figured. There was a stack of pop discs next to it and a Brilliant Green album inside... Do you know whose it is?"

"Yes," he carefully replies. "But he won't be needing it for a long time. I'll hang on to that." Dojima extends his hand and I pass the gadget to him. He's muttering all the while. "By the time I see that guy again— _if I even feel like it_ —you'll all be using those little media chips."

I laugh nervously. _I think he means Adachi._

Dojima turns the device over in his hands, not opening the lid. "What's in here now? You didn't leave that pop shit for me, did you?" he finally questions.

"No way!" I reply. "We stacked all the stuff nobody claimed in a box and I made you a copy of one of my favorites. It's Ozaki—Do you know him?"

He snorts like I'm an idiot. "The real question is how _you_ know Ozaki. You sure you're not a biker, _punk_?"

"I just turned old enough for a moped license!" I groan. "I am not!"

"Well this is what they'd all listen to when I was your age," he smirks. "Bousouzoku kids... Which album is it?"

" _F-for All My Loves_ ," I tell him. "It has a lot of his hits. I—I really like 'Fifteen's Night' and 'Rules of the Road'."

" _Of course_ you like 'Fifteen's Night'," he sarcastically sighs. "You just turned sixteen, and it's _everyone's_ favorite..."

"D-don't make f-fun of me, old man!" I stutter.

He grins. "It's 'ojisan'—Don't make me tell you again. I didn't keel over walking down the street, I was _ejected from my speeding car_."

"Fine," I jeer. "Ojisan is what I'll call you then." I fold my arms and glare. "Hope you like the music, _Ojisan_. 'Rules of the Road' suits you, _Ojisan_ —Find your true self, _Ojisan_.."

"I'll try not to snap the thing in half, pretending it's you," he replies with a dark smile.

We stare each other down for a minute before he breaks eye contact and chuckles. "You wanna come with me to see Nanako?"

"You mean 'do I wanna help you see Nanako'?" I laugh.

That makes him frown, though. " _I don't need help anymore_... But pull me outta this bed." He carefully places the CD player on the nightstand and holds out his hand. I yank him up and he grumbles. "Can't believe all this..."

"I know," I say. _Cause what else can I say?_

We're heading down the hall to the elevator when he asks about the other stuff. "That box of things no one claimed when Yuu was cleaning," he starts. "Can you make sure it doesn't get thrown away or something?"

I shrug. "Sure, but it's mostly shounen digests and other crap you wouldn't want."

"I'll take care of it when I get home. If it's in the way, slide open my door and shove the box inside—Don't you kids dare go dumping anything until I can at least look through it myself."

"Okay," I nod. "I shouldn't—ah—bring it anywhere for you, should I?"

He glances away, grimacing. "If there isn't a laptop or phone or something else that could be used for—for _work_ —then it's alright to leave it alone."

"You got it. I didn't see anything like that, but I'll let Senpai know."

"Thanks, kid," Dojima mumbles as we step into the elevator.

 **#**

I walk back into the house and sigh. _Sometimes I forget Ojisan's just a softie. He's so damn stuck on this moron..._

"Kanji," I hear the shithead call. He's sitting at the table with his hands folded, looking like he's been waiting for me.

"What?" I tersely reply.

He sighs. "I think we really need to clear the air, you and I. Why don't we try talking it out with someone around to make sure we don't slap the shit out of each other."

I raise my eyebrows. "I could do that." I fold my arms, wondering what he's planning. "You got someone in mind?"

"I haven't asked him yet," he admits. "But I was thinking Ryota. He's probably the least biased. I can't tell if he likes or hates me, but he definitely thinks _you're_ fine—So I think he should be agreeable. And if you want to talk about Ryou, he'll tell us bluntly what he's probably thinking. Don't think that idiot has much of a filter."

"Uh-huh. And when do you wanna do this?"

He shrugs lazily. "Dunno. Monday before work?"

I nod. "Sure.

"I _will_ need you to drive me," he mutters.

"Huh?"

Tohru groans and I can hear him kicking his feet. "If one of us snaps and does try to beat the shit out of the other, I don't want Ryou or Nanako to even _know_. We'll all go somewhere else."

"That's fair," I agree. _He's had it out for me since when I visited him with Nanako, and he clearly thinks I have it out for him. It would be better to get this confrontation over with._

"Okay. Then I'll call Ryota later." Tohru stands and walks toward the store. "What am I doing today?"

"We need to load the car for deliveries in the afternoon. The rest of this morning should be easy, though. I'm going to work on dyeing with Teddie and Ma's gonna do whatever else needs done."

"Did you kids have fun?" my mom asks the second we walk through the curtain. _I haven't spoken to her yet today... Of course she'd ask that._

Tohru beams at her and nods. "Yup~" he tells her. "We sure did!"

She turns to shoot me a look that says she knows the snake wouldn't have made it that easy. "It was alright," I tell her. "Didn't get much sleep."

"Did Ryou's snoring keep you up, too?" Tohru snickers.

So wanna say something—

 _I mean, Dojima woke right up worried about him. He and Ryota were up most of the night after that. I pretended I was out again so it wouldn't upset them, but I heard their whole conversation..._

"Wh-what?" Tohru asks me, his face pinching together in concern. "Did _I_ snore? Man if I did, I'll never hear the end of it after all the shit I give him!"

"No, you—" I shake my head. "You... You had a bad dream or something. Ojisan was worried and—"

I stop speaking because his face has morphed right to that blank look on now. "I don't think so," Tohru slowly tells me. "You must've been _dreaming_..."

Ma raises her eyebrows behind his back and I cock my head. "Why would I lie about that?" She shoots me a look that says she thinks I've really stepped in it now.

"I don't _have_ nightmares anymore," Tohru shrugs, seeming disinterested.

My mom quietly walks out to the store while I figure out how to right my sinking ship. "No, uh," I backtrack. "I just meant that I heard you making noise and then Ojisan was tying to make you feel better but—"

Now he's struggling not to glare, trying to keep that neutral expression plastered on. "What do you mean, Kanji?"

"He was just," I wave my hand around, trying to grab at something that won't piss him off more. "Y'know—Saying nice things and stuff. I wasn't looking at you or anything! A-and then he and Ryota were talking for a long time and—"

" _Were they?_ " he spits. "And what did they talk about, if you could hear everything even while trying so hard not to?" _He's doing s good job of keeping blank, but his voice sounds downright acidic!_

I rub the back of my neck. "I dunno," I reply.

" _Try_."

 _Thinking back, I'm wondering which bomb I can hand him. They talked about so much shit that I shouldn't know..._

"Well," I stall.

Tohru takes a step toward me, arms folded and stance wide. "If you can answer me a different question, I'll let it drop. I'm a nice guy like that, you know~"

"What—What is _that_ question?"

He does that smiling where it's just his mouth— _So creepy—_

"Tell me if it's my fault he's working less—As in _directly_ my fault," is what Tohru asks me.

 _That's..._

 _That's also a loaded question._

 _I don't wanna lie. But I don't think I'm supposed to tell him that it's true._

"Don't bother answering," he indignantly says. "I can already tell by your face that it's my fault—You don't need to say another word."

I frown, feel really shitty.

 _I don't think Dojima wanted him to know that._

"Well are we gonna load the car or not?" Tohru emotionlessly asks, turning on his heel and walking back into the house.


	86. On the Fringes (Kazoku)

NOTES: UHM. So. Ryota is basically becoming Yukiko's Magical (But Clueless) Oniichan. It strikes me as really funny... I enjoy writing these chapters so much!

If you're wondering what Adachi says on the phone, he's still doing that thing where he says "Ryota" quietly, and then screams "fuck you" when the other man tries to listen better.

We're going to have more flashbacks Kanji bonding with the Doujimas soon, too. I enjoy me a good rewind, and I think we need more empathy for Kanji butting in. ^^ (MAYBE tomorrow. Either that or a Ryoutarou chapter.)

* * *

Chapter Forty-One: On the Fringes

(Yukiko)

I find Ryota when I'm going to take my lunch break. Not only is the laundry room still functioning, but everything is done and he's sitting on top of a dryer reading.

"You... Really finished?" I ask in awe. "There hasn't been anyone in here for over a day!"

"I, ah—" he scratches his arm. "I brought everything upstairs too, and handed it off to go into the rooms. And look—Someone _gave_ me this book!" He holds up a Murakami novel, grinning excitedly.

I shake my head, floored. _I was already wondering how much overtime I was going to have to offer for people to stay late helping me..._

"Lunch?" I dumbly question, and Ryota hops off his perch and tucks the new book under his arm.

I take two bento from the kitchen and lead the way to the staff lounge. It's nearly empty because this is later than most everyone else eats. I choose a table and place the food on top.

"Thanks for the food!" Ryota smiles, taking the lid off of his.

I nod and start on my own, thinking over the miracle that just occurred in the laundry room. _I wonder what else he's good at?_

"Ryota," I hesitantly question. "Would you like to work here? We could always use more help, and you've been very productive!"

He looks surprised at my offer and pauses, letting his salad fall back to the box. "Really?" he raises his eyebrows. "I like it here."

"Mmhmm!" I agree. "We'll need to figure out a more permanent position, but come back on Monday for sure! Chie will be here in the afternoon, as well. You can meet her then."

"Alright," he replies. "Thank you for the opportunity." He smiles again and continues eating.

I take out a tablet and catch up on my work email for a few minutes— _Need to make sure I'm replying to all potential clients, vendors, schedule changes..._

I hear a phone ring and automatically reach for my own, but it's Ryota's. He makes a face. "Tohru again," he says to me before he picks it up.

"Yes hello," the man politely says into the phone before listening. "What? _Fight?!_ Wh—Are you _sure_ that's a good idea? ...Of course he doesn't know, huh?" Ryota sighs and answers a few more questions, but I have no idea what's going on.

"I've already been invited somewhere for Monday afternoon," Ryota replies. "Plus you're a pain in the ass... Can you meet me at the Inn? I'll have a few hours free in the morning."

He sighs. "I now work here, too. I need to pay my own expenses. I'm not like you, _slacker_! ...What?"

Ryota winces and pulls the cell away from his ear. "I keep falling for that," he sighs when he hangs up.

"Falling for what?" I question.

"Nothing," he replies, a disgusted expression playing across his face. _Wonder what Adachi said._

"What did he want?" I prompt.

Ryota groans. "I've been asked to 'make sure we don't beat the shit out of each other' by Tohru and Kanji. Says the two of them want to clear the air about a few things. It _would_ be good for them to just fight it out and be done with their baggage... But why me?"

"But," I stare at my new friend, feigning horror. "Why _here_?"

He freezes with his phone halfway back to his pocket. "I'm sorry—Didn't think to ask—"

"It's fine!" I laugh. "Make them go out back like a schoolyard fight! _And_ so nothing gets broken."

"I really hope they don't actually come to blows," Ryota anxiously confesses. "Tohru's very strong, and I'll have to heal whoever gets hurt... Which is coincidentally why I think they asked me to mediate."

"Lucky you," I roll my eyes. "But—Out of curiosity..." I trail off. Ryota raises his eyebrows, so I ask. "How much power do you have? I heard you heal others out here without a second thought."

"Hnn." The man regards me carefully before answering. "More than you, but less than Tohru." He takes a bite of food before going on. "Is that a satisfactory answer?"

 _'Is that a satisfactory answer'?_

"Are you a robot?" I blurt.

He wrinkles up his face. " _That's_ out of the blue..." I stare Ryota down until he rolls his eyes. "Jeez, no!"

I nod suspiciously. "That's _exactly_ what a robot would say..."

"I don't get you," he shakes his head, confused. "But I don't get a lot of people out here; so I guess more broadly I don't get _people_."

"You will," I easily assure him. "You can always take Teddie's approach and hug everyone you meet!" I joke.

"No thank you," Ryota bluntly replies. He finishes his food and claps his hands softly.

I eye him with interest. "Do you like traditional practices?"

He flicks his gaze away, looking embarrassed while he considers his answer. "Yes."

 _Bingo!_

"Do you know the Way of Tea?"

Ryota cautiously nods. "In _theory_... Like with being a detective."

"I'll pay you twice as much as I would've if you'll take over the tea ceremonies during weekdays," I level. "I've been doing it for as long as I can remember and am _so sick_ of being the only one who performs when I now also _run_ this inn."

"I've never done it, but I know the steps... I believe," he falters, sounding less sure of himself.

 _Don't lose him now, Yuki!_

"I'll give you the books I have on tea ceremony!" I offer. "I'll—I'll show you online videos?"

He nods again. "I can—I'm sure I can learn."

"Good!" I clap my hands together and stand, collecting the bento and my bag. "You need to leave soon, right? Let's go get those books."

After returning the bento, we make our way back to reception. I snag an long-abandoned canvas bag from behind the desk and walk purposefully to a—mostly—decorative bookshelf in the corner of the room. I pull out several volumes and pack them up. I hold it out to Ryota.

"See if these help. You can shadow me on Monday, okay?" I ask.

He nods and add his own novel, swinging the bag around as he walks around the lobby. "Would you please show me where the TV is? I need to get going, and this way I can use it to return on Monday."

I motion him down a hall and open a door. Inside, there are a few small rows of theatre-style seating and a large television. We invested in a TV so large, that if it were on the floor, I would only need to bend a little to walk right through.

Ryota nods appraisingly; adopting a more serious expression. He looks down at the swaying bag and loops it over his shoulder. Then he leans back on one leg like a runner and grins before taking off and practically diving at the screen. I'm a little afraid he's going to miss and it'll be disaster, but he hits it almost square in the middle and disappears.

I shake my head and walk back out of the theatre, momentarily forgetting what I even have to do next. _At least things have been more interesting..._

Someone stops me to ask about the evening menu and my phone trills a few times while I go over a change. It rings through twice before I'm finally able to pick it up.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Uuh, hi," Kanji hesitantly says. "Are you free?"

I check my watch. "Only for a little while. Do you need something urgent?"

"No," he replies. "Can I run something by you—Please? I'm... I'm worried I'm not doing the right thing."

I sigh. "About the fight with Adachi?"

"Yes," he says after a minute. "Wait—You already know?!"

" _Oh for—_ " I groan. "I was eating with Ryota when Adachi called him. And really, this is _dumb_ —Even for you two!"

"When he was loading the car, I was starting to remember how freakishly strong he is, and I'm maybe nervous— _But j-just a little!_ " he shouts at the end.

I shake my head. "I don't know what to tell you... Ryota said he thinks you two are going to smack each other around, but that'll get it out of your systems. _I_ think it's a bad idea. Adachi isn't someone you want to be brawling with. Why are you two so in each others' faces anyway?"

Kanji growls into the phone. " _I don't..._ I _think_ —" I can hear him hit something; maybe the dashboard. "Yuki-chan—You weren't there for the worst of it, man. It was _bad_. Before I started organizing all of us to go over to the Dojimas' more often, it was..." He breaks off and sighs. "I think I need one of those lectures I gave Ted about staying out of shit."

"What is it?" _I'm growing concerned—Kanji usually likes to help from behind the scenes, as he has all these years. He's not often openly hostile anymore._ "Has something happened?"

"Argh! Before is was—It was just chaos over there. Or, well, the opposite, I guess. I remember being really angry. After Yuu-kun moved back, Ojisan just shut down and it scared Nanako a lot. She called me over to try and get him back in order and it worked out okay, but—"

"It's like—Things are already getting to the point where I need fucking Tohru to know how bad it really _was_. He's not—He's not acting _normal_ ," my friend agitatedly confides. " _And damn:_ he's been real fucking insistent on finding out what happened after he left, and I think I'm going to tell him—With Ryota around so he won't go mental."

I hum. "Should you do that? Won't it make things harder for everyone to get over it all?"

" _Yuki_ —He's _not_ acting right." Kanji groans again. "I think he's been— _Nnn_ —" Kanji sighs and is silent for a minute. I wait for him to go on, wondering what's bothering him so much this time.

He smacks something again and then continues. "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but I don't want everything exploding so horribly again. If—If it's what I think Nanako would want me to do, do you think that's the right answer?"

"Can you _ask_ Nanako?" I try.

"...No." I know that's his final answer by the way he says it. "Except for the bender, she seems to think things are going well between the guys. I don't want another fight being my fault; Ted already—"

 _Wait... What bender?_

"What are you talking about?" I respond. " _Adachi went on a bender?_ What kind—"

"No, no... _Dojima_ was drinking and she got real mad when Teddie told her. But she's already made up with Tohru—"

I make an exasperated noise. "You're losing me _more_ , not explaining, Kanji!"

"Aww!" he moans. "It's all so twisted, I don't even know where to _start_!" He cuts himself off to swear and I hear him drop the phone. "H'lo?" he asks when he's back.

" _Yes?_ "

"I need to go in and deliver some stuff. Don't worry, I'll handle it. Thanks for listening to me ramble, Yuki," he says.

"It's not a problem," I reply. "I wish I could do more, but..."

I hang up and lean back against the wall. _It's as if they're all running circles around each other, barely connecting. Kanji and Adachi should have a conversation so they can explain themselves enough to get along, but I would prefer if it were of the sit-down variety._


	87. From Emperor to Hierophant (Kazoku)

NOTES: I keep saying "flashback" but these are really what happened before and not just flashbacks. I don't know the word I want...

I'm sorry I can't swear as creatively as young Kanji... Kanji from the game and anime is just so... Creative at swearing.

I might not have time for a chapter tomorrow. Nest up with be the Ryoutarou chapter I mentioned working on. Then I want one more Kanji flashback. I'm enjoying these, especially his bonding with little Nanako~

* * *

Chapter Forty-Two: From Emperor to Hierophant

(Kanji)

It's the beginning of May, long after Yuu left, and the first week of Adachi's trial, that I get the call.

My cell goes off while I'm stocking the higher shelves for my Ma, and I see that it's the Dojima residence. I pick up, expecting the caller to be Dojima himself, but it's Nanako instead.

"'Sup, Nanako-chan?" I ask when she identifies herself.

"K-kanji-san," she replies, sounding kinda sad. "Are you busy?"

I make quick work of the last few boxes of thread. "Nah I'm good. What's up?"

"I'm worried," she tells me. "I haven't seen Dad in a few days. I've been going to school and there's food that he's ordered left out for me when I get home, but..."

"Ahh," I intone, unsure how to respond. "Is he home? He's been blowing me off all week, too. We've been jogging in the mornings, but I can't get ahold of him on the phone."

"Yeah," Nanako replies. "It's off. I'm pretty sure he's in his room, but he won't come out and I don't want to bother him..." She trails off and I know she's going to ask if I can give it a shot. "You and he get along really well, maybe could you talk to him for me?"

I sigh. "Yeah. Of course. I'll see what I can do. Lemme tell Ma I'm going out. Do you want me to pick anything up?"

"Nn-nn," she says. "I'm fine. I can take care of myself, but since Big Bro left Dad's not been taking care of _himself_."

"Okay," I tell her. "I'll be there soon."

After I hang up, I tell my mom that I'll be going out to the Dojimas' for a while and she nods. "Remind that little girl she's welcome over anytime," she asks me. "I adore you Kan-chan, but she's about the sweetest thing. Makes me wish we could've had a girl, too."

"I know, Ma," I laugh. "We all love her like a sister. Now that her cousin's gone, we should have her over for dinner more often. Ojisan can come too, if he wants, right?"

"Of course, Kanji," she smiles. "That man's had it rough. And any friend of yours is always welcome in our home."

My sneakers on and tied, I turn back to my mom. _The way she made that remark..._

"Ma," I start. "How much do you know?"

"When you pay attention, you catch most thing that go on in such a small place."

"I've been wondering about why Adachi was always—" I try, but she shakes her head.

"Kanji," she sighs. "You should always ask people these things directly. You've been the victim of nasty rumors yourself, son. It's not my place to speculate."

I nod quickly, feeling embarrassed I even asked. I take my things and grab my bike that's leaning against the porch. I pedal fast, feeling bad that I didn't know Nanako's been having so much trouble—That it's why I haven't seen much of her.

When I arrive, everything looks normal. I leave my bike on the ground in front of the closed garage and then knock before trying the door. _They've never left it locked. And when the killer had his own key, anyway..._

I can hear Nanako call for me to come in, so I twist the handle, slapping on my biggest smile. "Afternoon, Nana-chan!" I greet her.

She smiles thinly. "Kanji-san," she replies. "Thanks for coming over."

"Yeah," I scratch the back of my neck. "No problem!" I take a seat at the low table and reach into my bag. I produce a finished crocheted penguin. "I sewed his feet on for you." She made it herself last week, but I haven't shown her how to piece them together yet.

She lights up when she sees it. "Thanks!" Nanako places him on the table at her seat, and stares happily at the animal she made.

"So... Wh-what exactly do you want me to do?" I question.

Nanako glances at the stairs. "Can you please see if..." She pauses, shaking her head. "I don't know," the little girl levels with me. "I know he's alive in there, but I'm worried he's probably a mess. Maybe I should just check myself, but I'm scared if he's too sad—I-I don't kn-know what I'll do." She looks like she might cry.

I sigh and scoot over. "C'mere," I say, putting my arm around the kid. "It's okay. You've got me and Yukiko and Teddie and Chie and everyone! Did you call Senpai?"

She shakes her head. "I trust _you_ with this," Nanako says, sniffling a little. "Big Bro's not here, and I know you and Dad hang out together—You're the only one he likes who _isn't_ family. We," she frowns. "We don't have a lot of friends..."

 _Well that's an understatement._

I nod, hugging Nanako. She looks up at me and tells me she misses her 'big bro'. _Man I think I'm gonna cry, too..._

 _Keep it together, dumbass! If you cry in front of the kid, she'll think you don't know what you're doing. Gotta act like I got it together!_

"O-okay," I say, attempting to sound really sure of myself. I hug her again and then stand. "I'm gonna go up there, now." I crack my knuckles, to psych myself up. "And I'm gonna come back down with your dad." I nod a few times and she wipes her eyes.

"Wait," Nanako jumps up. "I made coffee—Bring it with you?" She walks over to the counter and pours black coffee into a dark blue mug. "I hid the red one a while ago," she quietly admits. "I didn't want him to break it..."

"The red one?" I ask, shaking my head.

Nanako bites her lip. "It was Adachi-san's. When I came home from the hospital, I noticed that all of his stuff was gone—He used to let me play his games and listen to his music, but I can't find them anywhere. The pictures we drew together were taken off the fridge... Big Bro had the red mug in his room, and told me to do whatever I thought was best when he left. So I hid it in my desk drawer."

"Kanji-san?" she asks me, looking a lot younger than I've ever thought she was. "Are we just going to forget about him? Like with Mom?"

I'm speechless. _This kid understands so much more than anyone gives her credit for..._

"Kanji-s-san," she starts making little whines. "I don't want to do that again. I didn't like it. I-I d-d-don't want to just _forget_!" Nanako hands me the blue mug and starts crying again.

I place it on the counter and wrap her up in another hug. "Hey—It's okay!" I yell, starting to panic. "Don't worry!"

She stops crying to giggle a little at me being flustered. "Thanks," she finally replies, getting ahold of herself.

I nod, glancing back to the counter. "Okay. I'll take this and be back in a little while..." Nanako returns my nod, so I take the mug and start for the stairs.

At the top, I head for the only traditional-style door— _That one has to be Dojima's. I've been in both Yuu's and Nanako's rooms, and the other is the bathroom, so..._

I knock on the wall. "Ojisan?" I call. "You in there?" There isn't an answer. _Not that I really expected this to be easy. Don't know what I'm expecting, but definitely not that he'll let me do this the easy way._

"Ojisan?" I try one more time.

 _Nothing._

I suck in a big breath and slide the door open. _And it's chaos._

"Uhh..." I can't say anything as I survey the scene.

The first thing that gets my attention is the pervading stench of alcohol. I see beer cans, those big sake bottles, and little jars of shochu. Dojima himself is asleep or passed out or something, still gripping the neck of one of the bottles of sake. He's in his boxers and only his feet are even touching the futon.

Then there's that box of stuff he told me to push into his room all those months ago. Looks like he's gone through it—Some of the manga is ripped down the spine, I can see some game system with a flip-screen's been snapped in half, and a model gun has been dissembled. There's a PSP near the balcony by itself that looks like it wouldn't snap as easily, so he just smashed the screen with something...

Mostly untouched takeout containers sit near the stash of unopened liquor. There's a sizable pile of laundry in a corner, too.

 _Damn._

 _Real fucking craptastic._

I close the door behind myself and walk over to Dojima. _What the fuck do I do about this? Is there anyone I can call? I don't think Yosuke-senpai would be any help. Teddie won't know what to do. Don't wanna call the girls about this. My dad's..._

 _Yeah. There ain't anybody._

I put the mug of fresh coffee where he probably won't knock it over—Not that it looks like he'll be moving around a lot.

"O-ojisan?" I try saying his nickname again when I'm closer. But he doesn't wake up. _He's definitely alive. I can see that he's breathing._

I try shaking his arm but don't get anything more than sleepy mumbling. I slap his back a few times and he finally rolls over and tries to focus on me. "Whaa? Who?" he slurs.

"It's Kanji," I tightly respond. "What the fuck, old man?"

"Ish... Oh-jee..." He closes his eyes again and I sigh. _He's not gonna be lucid anytime soon._

I start by packing up all the unopened drinks. I cart them into Yuu's room and shut the door. Then I go back downstairs and tell Nanako it's gonna be alright. I take some trash bags and a notepad from her and head back up.

I sort the trash like an adult and then work through what I'm still assuming is Adachi's stuff. Anything broken beyond repair, I make a list of and then add to the trash. Anything still useable goes back into the box, which I also carry to Yuu's room.

Lastly, I walk over to the pile of clothes. _Dirty._ I use a plastic bag to pick them up and see if they're worth saving— _No._ A lot of the articles that look too small for Dojima are cruddy and some are bloody. It doesn't look like they were left here recently, but rather forgotten in the corner and then never dealt with.

 _How the fuck long has he been in denial for?_

These have to go. _It's just unhygienic._ The clothes I think are actually his are in better shape, so I stuff them into a bag that I don't tie off. _Need to remember what's what later—His lazy ass can wash them himself._

I crack the door to the balcony to air out the room while I bring the trash down the street to the collection site. On my way back upstairs, I catch Nanako watching me and looking super worried. I reassure her that I've got it under control. _I hope she believes me._

When I'm finished, after what feels like forever, I sit down and lean against the wall. Dojima's still not speaking, and I think he's fallen asleep. I decide to hang around in there until he comes-to. I brought up some water bottles— _He's gonna be dehydrated for sure._

 _I thought everything was settled. Both of them are out of the hospital. Yuu's moved home, safe and satisfied. I'm staying close with everyone..._

 _I thought Dojima had his life under control, too. He seems to enjoy hanging around with me and going for walks. He's been cleared to go back to work, he likes lifting weights, and we've working on the equipment we put in his basement._

 _I thought we were all gonna be okay now..._

 _What's it going to take?_

At dinnertime, there are still no signs of intelligent life. I go back downstairs to find that Nanako's already made udon.

"Nice," I remark. "That smells real good!"

She smiles at me and holds out a bowl for me to serve myself. I take a good-sized helping and we sit at the low table to eat together. She stares expectantly until I feel too uncomfortable not to say anything.

"He's, ah, sleeping," I manage. Nanako nods at me.

"I thought so," she replies. "Thanks, Kanji-san."

"Now worries!" I assure her. "A-and you can just call me Kanji—I'm cool with that. We've been seeing a lot of each other."

"Nn," She agrees. "Nanako is okay with me, too."

We eat quietly until I finish my food. I clap my hands and Nanako giggles. "You're so polite for someone who looks so tough!"

"T-thanks," I nervously reply.

She chews on her lip for a minute. "I know why," she tells me.

"Why what?" I ask.

"Why this week is so bad."

 _Does she watch the news?_ I raise my eyebrows for her to go on if she wants.

"This is the first week of the trial. I saw it on TV and everyone is talking about it," Nanako tells me. "Dad was fine when Big Bro was around, acting like he had to keep it together. But now that it's just us again—and Adachi-san is going to be all over the TVs for a long time—he's starting to lose it."

I nod. _I guess you can't miss it when nobody will shut up about it for five minutes..._

"Did he really kill those people?" she asks me, her little face creasing in serious concern.

I sigh and push my hair back from my face. "Nanako..." I know my expression is turning sad, but I can't help it. _I don't want to give her the real answer, but she's gonna find out eventually._

"Probably," I whisper. "It's complicated, but he knew they were going to die."

"Why?" she innocently questions.

I can only shake my head. "I don't know. I really don't—I'm sorry." And I think _I'm_ going to cry if she does!

"He was so nice to me..."

"I know," I affirm. "It's okay to remember that... You can decide what you think for yourself, okay?"

She nods, sniffling again.

I look around the quiet room. "D-do you think it would be okay for me to stay here tonight? I'm thinking of skipping school tomorrow to make sure your dad gets back on track—It's not like I'd get much out of going."

"Really?" she asks, and I can tell she can't help looking happier at my question.

"Yeah." She excitedly begins to collect our dishes, but I rush to take them from her. "I'll do it!" I declare.

"If you want, you can stay in Big Bro's room. I don't think he'd mind..."

I nod. "Cool. Let's head up when we're done cleaning."

Upstairs, I go into Yuu's room and toss my bag on the coffee table. I take a seat on the couch. _I should ask someone to pick up my work._

Scrolling through my cell, I realize the only real friend I have in my year is Naoki. Naoto and Rise left before the new school year began. I've known Naoki since we were little, and I doubt he'd mind picking up my worksheets and sharing notes. I send off a message as Nanako walks into the room carrying some books.

"'Sup?" I smile.

She holds them out so I can see: a storybook and a photo album. "Can we..." She frowns, so I urge her to continue. "Can we look at these together?"

"Of course!" I reply, smiling.

Nanako sits on the couch with me and looks between the two. She finally puts the story down next to her and holds out the photo album to me.

I take it and brace myself for whatever is in here. _So many people have come and gone in her life so far._

She leans against me, so I put my arm around her and am surprised at how tiny she is. I mean—She's only seven, but I forget how small kids are.

"Ready?" I ask and she nods purposefully.

I open the cover and the first picture is of her and her parents. "Big Bro made me a copy and gave me the book to put it in," she explains. "Big Bro started taking photos so I had more."

As we flip the pages there are a lot more shots of her and Yuu and Dojima. One or two more of just her and her parents pop up here and there. Nanako talks about the circumstances surrounding every single one—Even when she wasn't present, she seems to know the story behind the picture.

The furtherer we get, the more I begin to see of Adachi, as well. He pops up here and there with her or Dojima, but never Yuu. "He gave me those," she says. "He liked taking pictures, but forgot to develop them until a long time later."

I nod, listening to more of her memories. The last photo is of Yuu's going away party. We're all sitting around the table, looking both happy and anxious. "You know this one," Nanako giggles.

"I do," I agree. "We should go to Junes sometime and get you your own camera, huh? That'd be fun, right?" She smiles a little. "You're gonna have plenty more to add, _trust me_."

"I think so," Nanako replies, but sounds uncertain.

"I promise!" I tell her. "And you should never make a promise you can't keep, so I really, really mean it!" I nod seriously and she laughs, saying I look mad.

"You'll keep hanging out with me?" Nanako asks.

I feel myself jump a little. "O-of course! What did you think I was gonna do? I think everyone should come over more! I'll make _sure_ of it."

"Really?"

"Definitely!" I promise again.

"Okay."

I hand her the book back and stand. "So come on," I say. "You should go to bed. I'll be here in the morning and I'll make sure it all works out, so don't worry anymore!"

Nanako yawns and hugs me before heading back to her room. _Now I need to figure out what to do._

I don't sleep well. Most of the night I lay awake on the couch worrying that it might _not_ work out—And now I'd told her that it would.

In the morning, Nanako is up early with me. We eat together and then she leaves to walk to school.

When she's down the road past where I can see, I head back in the house to set Dojima straight. I could hear him moving around earlier, but he hasn't come out of his room yet.

I head right upstairs and shove his door open without warning. He whips his head towards me in surprise. "Kanji?" he asks me.

"Do I look like someone else?" I question.

Dojima sighs and sips his long-gone-cold coffee. "No," he slowly replies. "You look like Kanji."

"And _you_ look like a fucken' mess."

Now he glares, but doesn't contradict me. "Maybe."

I nod. "I picked up your damn trash. All that's left is to clean, because you made a goddamn trash pit out of this place."

Dojima frowns at the floor. "I did go on quite the streak..."

"Yeah," I snort. "And you left Nanako all alone."

"I ordered food," he tries to excuse himself.

" _Nuh-uh!_ " I yell at him. "That shit doesn't fly anymore! You're making this impossible for her!"

He glances over at me, his face twisted in a hurt expression.

"It _ain't_ all about you—You got a kid, y'know!"

"I know," he admits.

" _And you're really hurtin' her._ "

He looks uncertain at that. "What?"

"Yeah," I repeat. "You _are_. Thought you learned your lesson when Senpai set you straight before. This _isn't_ how you can deal with people leaving you—It hurts her even more because she can't even process!"

Dojima scowls, as if just noticing I've taken away all of Adachi's stuff.

"Listen to me!" I yell and he gives me his attention again. "Do you know what she asked me yesterday?" I wait for him to shake his head and then I lay it out for him. "She asked if this was going to be like with her mom all over again—If you were just gonna pretend that Adachi never existed."

He winces as if I punched him. He takes another sip of his coffee. "She said that? You're telling the truth?"

"Why the fuck would I lie, asshole?!"

He turns away so I can't see his face, but I think he's pretty upset by the angry noise he makes.

I give him a minute before going on. "So today," I prompt him to turn back around. "You and I are gonna scrub this room. Then we're going out to replace all the shit you broke—And _then_ you're giving custody of it to Nanako."

Dojima shoots me an incredulous look.

I snort. "She asked where all the games and stuff went. You can't just take that shit away form a kid!" I shake my head and make sure he's listening good. "Lastly, when she gets home, you're going to apologize and ask her for the mug back. And you're gonna put it up with the others again."

"Wh-what?" he dumbly shakes his head.

"She says she _hid_ the mug that you gave to Adachi because she thought you were gonna smash it or something. Which seems like a good assumption by the way you trashed almost everything else. _This is hard on her, too dammit!_ " I roar at the end.

Dojima practically crumples, his face turning super sad and the rest of him scrunching down against the wall of the room.

"You need to give her the space to process, too. So we're gonna clean up and you're gonna shape up. You can't keep going on like this."

"I know."

"So let's go," I tell him, holding out my hand.


	88. Two Steps Forward and— (Kazoku)

Note: I think most of us probably know the common taboo about tattoos in Japan. They're closely associated with gangs/yakuza and illegalness. Many onsen and public baths still do not allow anyone (even foreigners) to bathe at their establishment if they have noticeable tattoos. (Interesting side note: Kanji's tattoo is probably fake! It seems to wash off when he goes in water!)

This chapter has taken me SEVEN drafts. No lie. Seven individual drafts that I trashed a few of completely. I've been putting off finishing their argument for about a week. They kept getting too ramped up or Adachi was being too violently angry etc. It's not a full resolution, but I'm planning for a fifth story. I thank everyone for reading this so far and hope you'll continue to watch the these characters (mostly) grow post-P4, as hypothesized by me.

Thanks to Milligramme again! She helped me talk out a resolution to the guys' argument.

Please drop me a line if you can! I love hearing any questions, comments or criticisms!

 **#**

Chapter Forty-Three: Two Steps Forward And—

(Ryoutarou)

I arrive back at the textile shop a little after two, just as I said I would.

Going in through the back, I can already hear Teddie talking to someone. I make my way to the back room and see Tohru handing things to the boy while he works on loading a machine with string... _Maybe_.

 _Don't exactly know what that is..._

When he sees me, Tohru doesn't light up like usual. Instead, he glazes over to that neutral expression I have a hard time chipping away.

"Tohru?" I ask.

He nods while Teddie pauses his work to wave at me. "What?" Tohru replies, no pitch in his voice.

"Let's go home," I say to him, feeling a touch nervous— _That's not how I left him earlier._

Teddie picks up on the odd way Tohru's acting and takes the rest of the things from his hands. The boy glances between us and then shoves Tohru towards me. "Go on~" he happily tells him. "I can keep watch here!"

"Yeah, okay," Tohru agrees, then quietly walks to the door.

"That started when I came in, right?" I confirm.

Teddie nods. "I don't like it when he does that..."

I sigh. "I don't think anyone does." I walk back into the house and find Tohru by the back door, sliding into his shoes with that bag in tow. "Is everything alright?" I question, placing my hand on his back.

Tohru glances at me but doesn't say anything.

"Tohru?" I try again.

"What?" he looks up at me in a way that I can read as conflicted. But it falls away and he's back to keeping it all tamped down in a few seconds' time.

"Nothing," I decide to pick my battles. I start pushing him gently out the door. "Let's go."

We make it all the way back to the house in relative silence. I ask a few questions about what Tohru worked on today and he gives me very barebones answers. _I don't know what happened to trigger this change, but it can't be good._

I kill the engine and Tohru wordlessly exits the car and unlocks the door. "I'm going to take a nap," he says, dropping his things on the floor and walking to the stairs.

"Want—" I frown. "Do you want me to sit with you?" I take his bag and carry it up— _Don't want to leave a damn gun lying around._

"You should stay down here," he casually remarks, and that's when I decide I am definitely _not_ staying downstairs.

I head up after him. "I'll come."

I hear Tohru sigh. He walks into the bedroom and shuts the door behind himself, literally shutting me out. Getting agitated, I reopen the damn door and then close it behind _myself_.

"You should leave me alone for a while," he tells me.

I narrow my eyes. "Why?"

He takes off his shirt and throws it to the floor, then leans against the wall, his expression darker than before. "I'm feeling particularly erratic."

I lean against the wall next to him. "Let me help. What can I do?"

He lowers. "Nothing. I'm going to take a rest."

I slide my arm behind Tohru and pull him to me. "I can stay with you until it passes."

Tohru goes limp, trying to buckle himself to the floor like an asshole, so I grab him tighter. "C'mon," I groan. "Why don't you try _telling_ me what's bothering you."

He grunts and stands up again. "Fine. You really want to know, huh?" He grabs my wrists and tugs me away so he can spin around and pin me against the wall, his hands on either side of my torso. I frown, giving him a hard look. "Good job hiding it, because Kanji affirmed that it _is_ my fault you're no longer your industrious little self."

Tohru smirks wryly and goes on. "I've gotta say, I was excited you said we get to spend so much time together; that you're not working all the time anymore—But because you _have_ to? Because of me _again_?" He scowls. " _No._ "

" _Oh for—_ " I sigh. "That's why I didn't tell you. _It's done_..." I shake my head and hold up a hand. "Can't change it, so why bother getting yourself worked up?"

Tohru punches the wall and walks away; starts pacing the room. "You keep saying it's all over, but it's _not_. We keep getting all these little reminders like the _tea_ —And _Junes_ —And so many things _have changed_ — _And_ —"

"And _what_?" I challenge, running a hand through my hair. "'And what' next time? It'll always be ' _and something_ ' if you don't let it go." I motion him back over to me. "Can't it be enough that we have this time together?"

"It's not enough," he sourly tells me. "I told you—Nothing's _ever_ enough."

I warp both of my arms around him and sigh. "It's going to have to be."

"What about that other shit?" he spits, still angry. "Do you want to talk about it now? _Why_ —" he complains. "Why do you have to do this _now_? Why at _all_?"

"Things are good, aren't they?" He's not looking at me but I know he's glowering. "Why do you want to change it?"

I sigh, squeezing Tohru tighter. "I want us to get better—To _be_ better. We shouldn't stay together because we need each other, but because we _want_ to be together."

He sucks in a breath and then breaks away from me. "It can't be both?"

"That's not—" I try. "It's not healthy to be so codependent."

"But it's 'healthy' for _you_ to tell _me_ what I should and shouldn't need or want? I thought you weren't going to 'make' me do anything?" he seethes. "And who gets to decide how we live our lives? You going to listen to Kanji and Ryota over me and you? I thought you weren't letting the others push you around anymore," he goes on, narrowing his eyes—Like he's calculating what he needs to say to get out of this.

"Tohru," I try again. "This shouldn't be difficult. There are two things I need. I'm telling you that I need to let you do things on your own so _you can live your own life_ , and that I need you to stop putting obvious marks on my body that draw more attention."

He folds his arms. "'More' attention than what?"

I groan. _More attention than the fact that we're almost always together._

"I don't want to be uncomfortable if we go to another onsen, or—I don't know—a beach or something. Sometimes people think my scar is a _tattoo_! I don't need more reasons to stick out."

 _Life's easier when there isn't so much attention on me._

"I know I keep making up excuses—" I slide down to sit, frustrated that he doesn't—or simply won't—see what the problems are. "I told you the other day, 'oh you can use a computer at the station', when I knew it was probably a poor idea. I tried to get you to turn down that job because I didn't want you around my family— _These aren't things I should be doing!_ "

Tohru shrugs, staring me down with an earnest expression on his face. "I don't mind. I like being around you."

"No, that's—That's not even the point! You _should_ mind." I run my hands through my hair, trying to figure out how to get my point across. "You should want to do your own thing too. You don't always have to be around me."

"Now you're also telling me what I should _like_?" Tohru taunts, leaning down over me—

 _I didn't even hear him walk back here. I was too absorbed in my rant._

He looks angry again. He's got his hands on my shoulders and is glaring down at me, gripping them a little too hard. "Knock it off," I sigh and try to push him away.

"Why now?" is all he says. "Why do you want to change everything _now_?"

"Oi, you're a little too tight—"

"I was finally starting to _feel_ —" He's muttering frantically. "What did I do? I don't get it—"

" _Oi_ —" I try again, but Tohru's eyes aren't really focusing on me. His face is close, but it's as though he's not in the driver's seat.

 _He's being so difficult._

 _But something desperate hides behind his eyes. Something almost—_

I know I'm starting to panic because he isn't answering— _Won't focus on me._

I take a breath and decide it's time to take back control over this situation. He's right up in my face, that intense expression still on his.

I don't like that he's practically smashing me into the wall. _Can't really move away._

Thinking quickly, I slam my head forward, bonking it into his— _Still gets the little asshole every time._ He squinches his eyes shut out of instinct, then yips when we connect.

I knock him over and straddle him so he can't push me around anymore. He may be stronger now, but I'm still much taller and thicker than him. "That's enough," I cooly declare.

"I'm not going backwards!" Tohru loudly blurts, pitching forward to throw me off of him. " _No!_ " he shrieks.

 _So much for being calm._

He's already next to me when I'm up again; he's glaring defiantly. "This _isn't_ going backwards," I attempt to reiterate for the umpteenth time.

He doesn't say anything. We just stay there on the floor, staring each other down.

"Why is this bothering you so much?" I finally venture to ask.

"I like things the way they are," Tohru repeats. "I was finally—" He glances up sharply and doesn't finish his sentence.

"Finally what?" I press.

He flicks his eyes around, clearly not wanting to finish his sentence. " _If I say it_ —If I say I'm something like 'comfortable' or— _or something_... If I admit I'm something like 'happy' I'll just lose it— _And_ —" He closes his eyes and presses a fist against one of them.

When Tohru pulls his fist away, I can tell he's going to bolt for the door at any second. I tentatively hold my hand out, and he glances at it quickly, judging if that's the right choice. I open and close my fingers and he huffs but sits next to me.

I wrap my arm around him and pull Tohru close. "What?" he asks, sounding annoyed.

"I love you," I tell him.

"Then listen to me," he replies, actually looking me in the eye. "I know what I'm doing. I know what I want— _I've had a long time to think about it_." He gives me a nasty smirk and I roll my eyes.

"Just let it go," Tohru pleads. "C'mon—Let it go."

I sigh, not wanting to give in like this. "No—But we'll figure it out. Over time..." I pause, trying to put the words together.

 _I keep saying we have time... I don't want to push too much._

 _Don't want it to feel like I'm driving him away._

 _He's so excitable—So many of our conversations have all these hidden mines._

Tohru's still looking me, but he's softened back to studying me instead of the other, serious emotions I felt before. "Don't get so worked up," I say. "Not all of the changes have to be so sudden. We'll get through this like we've gotten through everything else."

"Sure," he agrees placatingly, turning away again.

I can't help smiling at him now. I kiss the side of his face before pulling away so I can stand. "Alright. You feeling better?"

Tohru gazes steadily up at me. "I guess."

"You lying?" I fold my arms and frown.

"Maybe," he chuffs.

I glance at the futon. "You still going to take that rest?"

"No."

"Then help me with something else," I tell him. Tohru raises his eyebrows. "I need to figure out how I'm going to tell Nanako she has another grandmother..."


	89. Extended Family (Kazoku)

Chapter Forty-Four: Extended Family

(Kanji)

When I get back from my deliveries, Ma is sitting up front organizing while Nanako and Teddie work around the table in the back room. She has out her homework while he attempts to crochet.

 _I've gotta give him credit for sticking with it... Probably helps that Nanako gives him pointers while she works._

"How was your trip, Kanji?" she grins at me. "Was Tohru-jisan a pain?"

" _Hunh_ ," I snort. "Was he ever!"

Teddie laughs nervously and she immediately picks up on it. "Ah—He ah—" Teddie fidgets with the crochet needle until he looses his stitches. "Whoops!"

Nanako helps him put it back together while he tries to _keep_ it together. I shake my head at him when he glances over.

"What now?" Nanako sighs after Teddie's project is in one piece again.

"He was all zoned-out when he left," Teddie confesses. "I don't know why—He was fine the rest of the time!"

I sigh. "Just a lot of tension right now."

Nanako's gaze flicks around the room as she realizes that while Teddie is definitely the weak link, he doesn't really know much. "So what's going on with the job offer?" she assertively questions. "I didn't hear anything else and suddenly everyone was off to the Amagiya."

"That is..." I frown. "Well I'm sure they'll tell you when you get home, but he took it. They worked it all out while we were over there. Something about Kubo and Ryota, too... Your dad and Ito-san hashed out the details while Tohru and Dojima-sama had an interview." I shrug. "Then we just enjoyed the facilities cause it was so late."

"Which Dojima?" she excitedly replies. "One of my cousins?"

I shake my head at the few moments we had together— _She's kind of a bitch_. "No, your gra—" I stop mid-sentence as I realize that I don't know if anyone's told her yet.

 _She doesn't seem like she knows._

 _Ojisan is angry. And a chicken._

 _Tohru wouldn't get in the middle of that._

 _—She doesn't know!_

"Who is it?" Nanako innocently repeats. "Which cousin? I know it's not Big Bro, but I've met few of the others, too."

"Y-yeah. I'm not too sure, Nanako... Sorry." I try to smile. "I'm really sorry..."

She frowns and makes a face at me. "That's okay," she lets me know. "I'll just ask Dad later. I should go home soon." She looks over at the bear. "Are you coming for dinner? I also need to probably talk to my dad... More directly. About his drinking."

Teddie watches her carefully, setting down his work when he can she that she's getting upset. "Do you not want me over today?" he questions in a kind tone. "I can stay here if it's easier for you."

 _The Bear is..._

 _Is he trying to back off? So she can sort out her problem?_

 _That's unlike him. He'd usually charge ahead and try to help in his own weird way—And then make things worse._

"Maybe I should go alone today," Nanako agrees with him.

Teddie bits his lip and then grabs her hands, replacing his unsure expression with one of his infectious grins. "It's okay! Just call me if you want to talk~"

"Thanks, Teddie," she replies.

Nanako collects her things and we all walk her to the back door. "I'll drive you," I say, grabbing my keys.

She nods and says goodbye to Teddie, who wraps her up in a big hug. "It'll be fine!" he reassures her.

 _I should really find a way to give them a heads-up—_

I book it out to the car first and fire off a text to Dojima: _'Nanako knows someone from your family is in town. Didn't say who. Let me know you get this.'_

 _He's gonna be in some deep shit._

At least I didn't blab. Though she'll probably blame me for not saying anything, either.

Nanako gets in my car and buckles up, so I start the engine and head for her house. "You know what you're gonna say?" I ask. "I know you already made up with Tohru, but you should talk to your dad directly."

"I'm not sure," Nanako frowns. "I've never said anything to his face before..."

"Just tell him what's on your mind. If he doesn't listen, lemme know!" I hold up my fist and she giggles.

"Do you think Tohru-jisan will back me up?" she seriously questions.

 _He's not good for much else._

"I do," I tell her. "He..." I haltingly admit. "He seems to really care about you."

 _Dunno about Ojisan, but at least he treats Nanako right. If he didn't..._

 _Dammit I don't want to fight him! He's too strong. Ojisan's gonna be mad at us. Nanako probably won't be happy._

"Good," she says. "Will you stay, too?"

"Sorry," I shake my head. "I don't think I should."

We're quiet the rest of the ride and I don't hear my phone buzz. _I hope they got that text._

When we arrive, Tohru comes right outside and walks up to the car. "Hi," he says to us.

"Hey Tohru-jisan," Nanako smiles as she gets out of the car.

"Kanji," he calls. "We got your text. Do you wanna sit in on this one?" His arms are folded and his eyes are drifting around as though he isn't happy to be the one inviting me in.

"Are you sure you want me around for this conversation?" I ask in a low voice once Nanako's heading for the door.

He groans dramatically and stomps one of his feet. "Ryou's gonna be a big baby about it—And they haven't seen each other since... _You know_. So maybe park the fucking car and get in the goddamn house?"

Tohru smiles sarcastically at me and slams the door shut before retreating back into his new home. _Ugh. Really don't like him—_

 _I keep thinking he's worth giving another chance and then he does something shitty or stupid._

I pull to the side of the road and leave my car. I calm down for a minute and then walk over to the house. I twist the handle and open the door.

Inside, the happy little family is sitting around the low table with their coffee cups. Dojima jumps up to pour me a mug and carries it over to the table, too.

I take a seat and glance around at the others. _Who's going to make the first move?_

Everyone seems content to simply sip their hot drinks.

Dojima finishes first and then plays with his cup, shooting glances at Tohru. Nanako is second, and when her coffee is gone, Tohru also pushes his mug away even though he still has come creamy shit left in there.

"Dad," Nanako starts. Dojima smiles guiltily at his daughter and clears his throat. "I'm happy that Tohru-jisan threw away the beer. Don't drink anymore—I don't like it, they don't like it, and it's not good for you. It made me really upset to hear that."

All eyes are on Dojima now. "I've already agreed not to buy more liquor for a while. We'll see how it goes," he noncommittally replies.

Nanako narrows her eyes but doesn't push it more. Tohru nods placatingly to the both of them, trying to offer a not-really-convincing smile.

Dojima looks around the room, stopping his gaze on me as if asking a question. His expression seems a little ashamed at what he's going to bring up next. I shake my head slightly. _Can't avoid this forever, old man._

"Nanako," he starts, and his voice cracks a little. The girl frowns and studies her father— _Probably knows nothing good is going to come out of his mouth after a look like that and the way he said her name, as if he knows she's going to be really pissed._

He clears his throat and tries again. "You have a grandmother," he says very mechanically.

Nanako makes a face. "Yeah—Did something happen to mom's parents?" she quietly questions. "I saw them a few months ago. Is obaachan alright?"

She turns to me and I almost put my arm around her, but with her real family I should restrain myself. I smile a tiny bit, hoping it looks reassuring.

"Hnn— _That's not—_ " Dojima sighs. "I mean _my_ mother." He glares at the surface of the table. "She wants to see you."

"No, I—" Nanako shakes her head. "I thought she was..." Dojima isn't looking at her.

After an awkward silence, Tohru takes over. "She's alive," he says aloud. "But Ryou has his reasons for not telling you about her," he frowns and chews on his lip. "She wasn't—" He sighs and glances at Dojima, who's still not saying anything more on the subject.

Tohru frowns and fidgets. He definitely looks like he's trying to piece together the truth in a way that doesn't make either Dojima look too terrible— _And that's a balancing act I'd rather not take up._ "Your grandmother was very harsh about a lot of things when your mom passed away, so your dad thought it was better if you didn't have to see her. We're all sorry no one told you."

Nanako seems like she's trying to process this turn of events. Her young face shows shock and then something else— _Like she's just realizing he apologized for all of us._

"I—I did know, too," I admit, claiming my own portion of the blame. "Ojisan told me a long time ago, but it's not my place to tell you stuff he isn't ready to."

Now she turns to me and her face is hard. "You knew _too_ , Kanji?" she agitatedly questions. Then she turns back to Tohru. "How long did _you_ know?"

Tohru holds up his hands. "Less than a week," he says. "She's the one who I'm going to be working for—And she's in town. We were thinking you might wanna see her before she goes back home."

Nanako looks like she's been punched in the gut. " _You all,_ " she spits as she fights off tears. "You've _all_ seen her? Except _me_?!" She whips her head back and forth between all of us.

"I told them not to say anything," Dojima volunteers. "I didn't want you to have to be around her—She's—" He disgustedly shakes his head. "She isn't kind."

" _You aren't kind!_ " she practically yells back. "All this time and no one told me?! _No one_ —When we have more family? How—" The tears start to spill, so Nanako quickly swipes at them while she gets to her feet. She runs upstairs. We hear her door slam and know she wants to be left alone.

Dojima looks gloomy and distressed. He pounds his fist on the floor, so Tohru slides over and wraps am arm around him. There's nothing _I_ can do—For any of them.

 _Ojisan dug this hole by not telling Nanako for ten whole years, when he's constantly been stressing how important family is to him. Nanako's always missed her mom and those grandparents live so far away... She only gets to see them once or twice a year as it is, and Dojima-sama is so close. Nanako could've even seen her when she went to Yuu's those few times._

Tohru's practically on top of Dojima now. He's hunched over behind him with his arms hanging down hugging the other man, while Dojima's got his head in one of his hands and he's making angry noises. Tohru's trying to tell Dojima that he knows Dojima did what he thought was right, and that's true— _He just doesn't know what the best decision always is._

"You gotta stop shutting Nanako out," I say. It slips away from me before I can think better of it.

"Yeah," Tohru nods, and I'm surprised that he agrees with me. "Should one of us go talk to her?" He glances up at me and I frown, not sure.

 _He's got his hands full._

"I'll go up," I finally offer, not wanting to just sit around while even Tohru gets to do _something_ useful.

Tohru nods, still glomming onto Dojima. He looks happy enough that he doesn't need to leave him alone. He mouths something to me that looks like "tag you're it".

I roll my eyes. _At least he took this seriously._

I climb the stairs and walk down the hall. Knocking on the door, I tell Nanako it's me. She doesn't say anything at first, but then says that I can come it. I slowly open the door and see she's sitting on her bed—Only room in the house with an actual bed.

I see her defensively slip something under a blanket as she wipes her eyes. Then she sighs and pulls it back out: it's the old photo album.

"You still look at that a lot?" I question and she nods.

"I have the newer pictures from the camera you bought me," she quietly tells me. "I could've had photos of my other grandmother, too..."

I sit on her desk chair and exhale. "She's tough, you know. It's definitely where you two get your stubbornness from." Nanako nods, taking that in. "She's kinda mean too, y'know—She was picking on your dad a lot, plus Tohru and me."

"That's not a good reason for Dad to lie!" she counters.

"I know!" I groan. "I ain't saying it _is_ , I'm just sayin' to cut him a little slack," I sigh. "Are you two always gonna fight from now on? It's exhausting!" I flop backwards on her bed and Nanako stifles a laugh.

I look up at her and she stares back down at me, smiling a little bit. "Okay..." Nanako takes a deep breath. "It happened—So now what? I want to see her. Tohru-jisan said I could, right?"

I nod. "Yeah. You wanna go talk to them about it?"

"In a minute," she nods back. Nanako moves her gaze to the picture book again. "Will she... Like me?"

"Aww man," I roll my eyes. " _Of course_ she'll like you!" I laugh. Nanako smiles more. "Are you kiddin' me right now?! She's adores your cousin, and how could she not like _you_?"

Nanako giggles and I think we're past the worst of it. "She's not going to be angry that I haven't seen her?"

"Uuh—You have, but you were little." I fold my arms over my chest. "And I think she knows it's not your fault."

"Okay. Then I want to see her." Nanako nods again, looking more confident. "I really do want to see her..."


	90. Not Ready to Talk (Kazoku)

Notes: Has anyone else noticed that Tohru's starting to attempt to process and dissect his feelings? It's fun to write. And it becomes a little more apparent today~

We're slowly plugging along towards the end of Kazoku. "Events" left include the guys hashing out the truth now that Doujima knows about the TV World, telling Nanako about adding Adachi to the koseki, Yuudai coming over Sunday, the fight Monday, and then a wrap-up to tie everything together!

Tomorrow another Kanji flashback? I had at least one more I wanted to do.

Lastly: the end of Friday marks two weeks that Tohru's been back home~ D'AWWW! (Enjoy their newest argument... lol)

 **#**

Chapter Forty-Five: Not Ready to Talk

(Tohru)

 _Well that went better than 'absolute disaster'._

Kanji just went upstairs and I'm still trying to get frigging Ryoutarou to lighten up. He knew this was going to be a hard thing to tell her— _It shouldn't be a shock._

"When they come back downstairs," I try. Ryoutarou takes his hand away from his face and looks over his shoulder at me. " _You_ tell her we're thinking Sunday. At least give the good news, too."

He frowns and closes his eyes. "That's not going to fix this."

I enthusiastically pat his arms a few times. " _It's a start._ And when Nanako meets her, she'll probably understand part of why you didn't want her to in the first place." Ryoutarou opens his eyes to roll them at me. "You think that woman's going to play nice for long?"

"You get along with her better than I do," he sulks. "Bastards tried to trick me the other day..." Ryoutarou sighs and slumps forward, dragging me off the ground until I stick out my feet. "If she's not nice to Nanako—That's _why_ I didn't want to do this!"

"I thought you were going to stop being so overprotective," I scoff.

"This is—" Ryoutarou grimaces and I cut him off.

" _It's always 'different' when it involves you being wrong,_ " I yell at him. "Stop doing that!"

He grunts and tries to shove me away. " _I'm supposed to protect my family_."

"Augh—Come off it," I admonish, not letting go. "We generally don't need that shit. And sometimes protecting involves getting along and being the bigger person and— _spoiler alert_ —this is one of those times. So you're going to have to shut up and eat a ration of shit and let Nanako figure out if you were right or not on her own. She isn't dumb; she'll figure it out if she's being fooled."

When I finish speaking, we can hear footsteps above us and know that they must be coming back down any minute. I get off Ryoutarou and collect all the mugs. I bring them to sink and run the water, waiting for Nanako and Kanji to reappear.

When they're back in the living room, Nanako speaks. "I want to see her."

I turn around from the sink and watch Ryoutarou expectantly. "Sunday," he tells her. "We'll have her over."

"Alright," Nanako replies before looking over at me.

I shrug. _What does she want from me? I don't really have a say in this._

"Lunch," Ryoutarou adds.

Nanako nods in agreement. "I'm going back upstairs," she says. "Let me know when it's time for dinner."

"Okay," I break in. "I'll start on it now." I walk to the fridge and take out the cabbage and pork, searching for ginger to go with it all. "Is Kanji staying?" I ask.

The asshole looks surprised I'm inviting him. _He did help us out. It would be rude to—_

 _Since when the fuck do I care about being 'rude'?!_

I slam the cabbage on the counter and Kanji jumps. "I think I'll head home."

"It's alright," Ryoutarou waves him over. "Stay if you want."

I take the wok off its hook to heat it and then start chopping vegetables. _Maybe he'll still leave._

I glance over my shoulder to notice that Kanji sees Ryoutarou staring at him all hopeful. _Fuck._

"I'll stay," Kanji relents and takes a seat at the low table with Ryoutarou. I flick on the rice cooker and stew.

Nanako surveys the scene and then goes back up to do whatever the hell she does in her room— _I know she doesn't have any homework left for the semester._ Now it's just me and the bros over there.

"Wanna watch the game?" Ryoutarou typically asks Kanji and the kid flicks it on.

 _That's what I need for background noise. Baseball._

 _I think I prefer the quiz shows._

"Tohru cooks?" I hear Kanji question between them discussing some team.

 _What does it look like punkass?_ I slice the pork next and then carry everything to the stove.

"Yeah," Ryoutarou replies in a decidedly mushy tone. "His meals are great!"

Kanji laughs. "I wouldn't have expected that!"

 _I wouldn't have expected him to enjoy cooking either._

I start sautéing the ginger and add a few other spices. _Well_ _Ryoutarou can't cook—Much. Someone has to._

"He's good at so many things I'm not," I hear Ryoutarou concede in a quiet voice. "I appreciate that he picks up a lot of my slack."

 _I only started cooking for you. I was fine on instant food and takeout. I just wanted you to know that I—_

 _Fuh! Not that I'd ever be caught dead admitting any of that. I don't want him to know I did it for him. Don't want to look too desperate or—_

 _(Or like I was in—)_

 _Or preemptively caring. That's the phrase I want._

I add the pork and then cabbage, flipping the ingredients around. _I should make okonomiyaki again sometime. They don't sell it around here._

 _Hell—We could visit Osaka. I can go wherever I want now. Haven't been there in years!_

"You pick up his slack?" Kanji evenly questions.

"Hnn. It's more like I push him when he needs to do something he doesn't want to."

 _I'll fucking say. Making me—_

 _Dammit. I'm not going over all that again._

The food's about done so I turn everything a few more times and shut the gas. "Okay," I call. "Someone get Nanako."

Kanji quickly makes for the stairs and Ryoutarou comes over to help me bring everything to the table. He scoops rice into large bowls and then I dump the meat and veggies on top.

When I place the pan in the sink to run the water, I don't expect a hug, though I should be used to Ryoutarou's touchiness by now. It's just a few seconds but he wraps his arms around me and whispers "thank you". Then he's gone, carrying all the food over to the low table, while I'm left both flustered and overwhelmed at the intimacy in the small gesture.

 _Fuck._

 _It's things like that..._

I sigh and take a few minutes to scrub the pan before returning to the table. When I go to my seat, the other three are already sitting as well.

"Let's eat," Ryoutarou declares and we all dig in.

Kanji takes a few bites and then picks through his bowl, scowling while he seems to search through my roster of ingredients. "What?" I ask him, feeling a surge of annoyance. "Not as good as yours?"

"No," he amiably replies. "It _is_ good. I wanted to know what was in it so I could make something similar."

Taken aback, I set my bowl down on the table to process the compliment. Ryoutarou kicks my foot and smiles encouragingly. "I told him you're a good cook."

I try to return the smile, but am still unsure how much I want to trust-slash-be-friendly-with Kanji. "It's just shougayaki with cabbage instead of the usual vegetables," I slowly state, picking my bowl back up.

Ryoutarou kicks me again and I sigh.

"I can show you next time," I grudgingly add. Ryoutarou claps me hard on the back, grinning, and I almost drop my chopsticks. _Yeah, I get it..._

We spend the rest of the meal talking about inane, everyday topics. After we're done, Nanako and Kanji offer to do the dishes so I roll back on the floor and close my eyes.

 _Today was shit._

I feel somebody gently rubbing my head and when I open my eyes, Ryoutarou is leaning over me smiling. "What?" I tiredly ask.

His face falls. "I can't just want to..." he trails off and looks away. _So now he's going into affectionate mode?_ "Lets go take a bath."

 _I swear I can't keep up. And they say I have insane-level mood swings!_

Ryoutarou tugs on my hand until I stand. "I'm ready for bed right now," I mumble and he chuckles.

"We're going up for the night," Ryoutarou announces. "Do either of you need anything?"

"Kanji's going to stay for a while," Nanako tells us.

"That's fine," Ryoutarou replies, much more interested in spending time with me.

 _I really want to just crash on the futon. Don't feel like a bath at all._

But here I am, washing up while the tub fills. Ryoutarou's still hyper-insistent on the back-washing tradition, so we take turns scrubbing each other, too.

He gets in first and then I climb over the side and sit stretched out, facing Ryoutarou. "Ahh I'm exhausted~" I whine.

"You're the one who said you wanted to make sure we keep doing this," Ryoutarou remarks with a mock-serious expression; eyebrows raised innocently. I splash him and groan.

"Yeah yeah," I frown. "You sure this isn't something I need to do on my _own_?" I jibe.

Ryoutarou rolls his eyes. "Don't be an asshole."

I shrug and hold up my hands.

"You," he carefully starts, his eyebrows coming together in something that isn't quite a frown. "Really did help me today. Thank you."

I slide down so only my eyes and forehead show, and I glare.

Ryoutarou nudges me with his foot. "Oi—I'm _trying_ to be appreciative," he grunts.

I pop back up and fold my arms. "Yeah I did help you." I narrow my eyes. "So you _should_ be thankful."

We stare for another minute or so—Me glaring and him seeming only mildly annoyed, like I'm now just a minor nuisance. _Which I find irritating for some reason._

Sighing, Ryoutarou finally yanks on my legs to pull me closer. He puts an arm around me so I don't lean back underwater. "Is there a reason I don't know about why I can't thank you?"

"I don't go for simple platitudes," I assert. "That's not my thing."

He nods. "I know. A _lot_ of things aren't 'your thing'." His face twists into a warped smile. "But I've learned over the years that you'll come to regret the things you don't say when you feel you want to."

I don't let my own expression change, but I cock an eyebrow, waiting.

"It's why I'm so adamant about telling you that I love you so often."

I grunt a laugh. "That's very un-Japanese of you, for someone who acts so traditional."

"I'd say I've made a few very nontraditional choices in the past few years," he pointedly remarks.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, just being with a guy wasn't enough—You had to pull one out of the maximum-security cage~"

Ryoutarou winces, before closing his eyes and exhaling slowly. "Why do you joke about those things?"

I shrug. "Breaks the tension."

" _Creates_ tension," he corrects.

"I'm sure I can fix that~" I smirk and reach down—

Ryoutarou grips my wrist and yanks my hand back up. " _Cripes_ —Have a serious conversation with me!"

"Aah that's no fun," I complain. He releases me and I do lean away from him. "We're supposed to be serious tomorrow. I have to be serious _now too_?"

Slapping a hand to his forehead, Ryoutarou makes an aggravated noise. "Don't dodge important questions."

"Don't _ask_ important questions when we're supposed to be relaxing," I shoot back.

"Alright," Ryoutarou says. "Okay; fine. I'll lay off for now."

We end up sitting in silence for a few minutes. Then Ryoutarou says we should get out, so he pushes me off of him and hands me my towel. We dry off and I pull on the same shorts as earlier. Ryoutarou wrinkles his face at me while changing into clean boxers and tying a robe over it.

He takes out a cigarette and I light it for him. He looks at me while he smokes. "You aren't going to put on something clean? Or at least a shirt?"

"To walk down the hall and take it all off again? Naah I'm good, thanks~"

Ryoutarou pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head at me before opening the door and walking to our room. "You're..."

" _Charming!_ " I supply.

He laughs so hard that smoke comes out of his nose. "I _did_ say that, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did," I nod, cracking up as well. "When I was being a total jerk."

The second the door is closed, I dramatically rip off my shorts and throw them at the dirty laundry pile in the corner of the room. Then I place my lighter at the head of the futon and snuggle down under the covers— _I can never be too warm._

I can hear Ryoutarou sighing in a fond way as he finishes his cigarette. "I'm opening the door and having another," he says and I tell him to quit it and just get over here.

He listens to me and does come to bed. I'm about to roll over and hug him like usual, when I feel Ryoutarou scoot closer and wrap his arms around me for once. I tip my head back and connect with his face. "Oww, Tohru," he grunts. "Just stay there and be happy."

"Whatever," I yawn, but I am glad.

"I love you," he tells me as we both start to drift off.

 _I..._


	91. The Taste of Black Coffee (Kazoku)

Chapter Forty-Six: The Taste of Black Coffee

(Kanji)

"See?" I grin at Nanako as we take up residence on the couch after the old men go upstairs. She passes me another mug of coffee and sips at her own. "Things will get better. You can see the witch this Sunday."

"Kanji," she says in a jokingly exasperated voice. "Make sure you're nice to my grandmother!"

I frown back, also playing around. "Well if she calls me names again..."

Nanako giggles. "She's really like Dad?"

"She's not too _different_ ," I carefully reply. "You can really get along with anyone though, Nanako! I don't get how you can stand Tohru, but you two are always playing around."

"You'd be surprised," she tells me, dropping into a more serious tone. "I have trouble with some of my classmates. They made fun of me because they thought I was spoiled—By you and Teddie. And now they're circulating rumors about Tohru-jisan."

She sighs. "Most of which are probably true, but it's hard... Since he started going out, people have been really mean. I usually ignore it, but today one of the kids in another class said something about Dad that really upset me. I was close to snapping, but Kousuke stopped me."

"Kousuke? Really? Good for him—You shouldn't lose it at school," I agree. "It makes things difficult all the way through. Lemme know and I can scare them for you!" I say, trying to lighten the mood.

But by the hard look on her face, I feel like she's considering the offer for real. After a minute of brooding, she offers up a small smile and I can tell the impulse has passed.

"We'll get through it," Nanako affirms. "We always do."

"That's right!" I agree and pump my fist. "We'll be fine cause we're strong. It took me a long time to realize that meant more than bein' tough and using my physical strength, but you seem to have it down good."

"Kousuke," I try to remember. "He's the kid I crocheted for, isn't he?"

"Mm," Nanako nods. "We're friendly because I always talked to him when he was around the shop. It's too bad he's always busy these days."

"Yeah?" I ask. "I heard he was doing kendo."

"Competitively," Nanako reminds me. "But at least I have a few more friends at school. Last week..." Nanako sighs and takes a minute to have another drink. "I forgot until a few days ago, but Dad was encouraging me to get to know more of my classmates, and even antisocial Tohru-jisan said it makes things easier."

 _She doesn't look happy to have been given that advice. But I have to agree with them._

"I had a much better time after I got to know everyone." I groan at the frustrating memories of before the senpai gave me a chance. "People always had this idea of how I was and a lot of them stupidly thought I was a bully. Cause I was a loner for so long, it got harder as time went on. So there is something to what they're saying."

Nanako smiles in a sad way. "I figured, but when you've been through things like we have, all their drama seems so trivial. I hate to say it," Nanako quietly tells me, staring hard at her dark coffee. "But it almost makes me resentful."

Adachi's trial started in the beginning of May, and after Dojima stopped showing up to work the week it began, the Chief decided he needed another bout of time off. Once he got his act together— _again_ —we went back to working out every day.

Then he started asking me all these weirdly specific questions that were obviously about how to deal with Adachi. He had more than a week left of this stretch of leave, so when he asked me to drive up to Tochigi with him, there was no way I could say no.

"Kanji—Are you doing anything important this week?" Dojima nervously asks me while we're sitting outside his house, drinking coffee.

I shake my head. "Not really. No tests or nothin'. What's up?"

"Would you..." Dojima makes an angry noise and scowls at the ground. I wait patiently for him to go on.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, he stubs out his cigarette and turns to me, still looking really angry. "Would you come with me to Tochigi Prefecture on Friday?"

I slowly nod, knowing this has been a hard decision for him to reach. "I can do that."

Dojima's expression softens to worry. "I'd be taking you out of school. Would your mom mind?"

"Naah," I snort. "She knows I do my best, and I'll probably be taking over the store."

"Thanks," he says to me. "You're a good kid, Kanji."

I fold my arms. "And you're straightening out, Ojisan. I'm glad."

"Don't be an asshole," he sarcastically tells me, taking my empty cup back in the house.

A few days later, we're packed into his car with enough black coffee and jerky that we won't need to stop on the way there or home, even though it's gonna be a whole-day event. _Ojisan's worried that if we stop he'll lose his nerve..._

Dojima pulls into our driveway early in the morning. I say bye to my Ma and get in the passenger's seat. "Mornin'," I say to him.

"Kanji," Dojima nods, sipping from a can of coffee all twitchy. By the plastic bag already stuffed with a few more cans, I wonder how long he's been up for— _If he even slept._

"Have you told Nanako?" I question when we're exiting the town center.

Dojima laughs bitterly. "I'd rather she not get it into her head that she should see him, too. I doubt he's going to make this anything but _an absolute Hell for me_."

Unable to put up any sort of argument, I simply open my own can of coffee. "I'd offer to drive," I say. "But y'know... Only sixteen and all."

He laughs for real this time. "You gonna get a bike like the others this summer? Or chase them around on your bicycle again?"

"Yeah ha ha!" I sharply reply. _But it was pretty funny. I have a good time hanging out with the senpai._

 _Speaking of everyone... Some of the others have gone to see Adachi and ask him the traditional questions. I've had zero interest in seeing the rat. He can rot for all I care—He killed my friend's sister, dammit!_

 _But it's driving Ojisan nuts thinking about Adachi. He's made sure the bastard's treated mostly alright through his connections, but he hasn't spoken to him directly—And from what I've heard Adachi doesn't wanna see Dojima either._

 _Big bunch of wusses, not facing each other._

 _From what he asked me, I think Ojisan still likes him or something. Which is unfortunate, to say the least._

 _Does he even get that it's Adachi's fault that Nanako almost died?_

We're mostly silent, listening to the radio or one of his CDs—Including the Ozaki I gave him months ago. _I am kinda stoked he liked it enough to keep it in his car. Means I picked a good gift._

We're maybe an hour out when I decide to broach the untouched giraffe in the room. "You know what you're gonna say?" I ask Dojima.

He sighs and sticks a cigarette into his mouth, then takes out a pack of matches and fumbles one lit. "Do I look like I know what I'm doing, kid?" he demands. "I'm about to go see my partner, the serial killer, whose trial is going in a poor direction. If he doesn't say what they wanna hear, he's going to be locked up for life and committed."

"So...?"

" _So_ ," Dojima sighs out a cloud of smoke. "This is going to be fucking torture, but if I don't go I don't know what'll happen to him. _I have to_." He says that last bit very defensively.

Dojima aggressively takes a few more inhalations of the cigarette before going on. "He's going to give me hell, I know it," he quietly tells me. "But I deserve some of it, too."

"What?!" I shout back. " _Why_ would you think that?" I smack the dashboard until he punches my shoulder to get me to stop.

"I should've figured it out. Or helped him. Or— _Or something!_ " he fumes. "Something was obviously wrong, but I just... He was acting weird—Getting hurt a lot—! _I said it was gonna be alright and—_ " He punctuates that with a punch to the steering wheel.

"How could I have told him I'd help him when I didn't realize something had _already_ gone so wrong? I'm a goddamn _hypocrite_!" Now _he_ bangs on the dash hard a few times until I have to grab the wheel.

Realizing he seriously needs to calm down, Dojima pulls the car over to the side of the scenic highway and gets out to stomp around and have another cigarette. "Hate these _fucking matches_!" he spits. " _Hate that I got so used to—_ "

After he kicks a tree for at least half a minute, Dojima seems calmer. Or at least less violently angry.

He returns to the car when his pack is empty. He tosses it into the backseat, where several more crushed cans have already missed the trash bag. Dojima reaches over to open the glove compartment, which holds several more packs of his brand, along with some snacks and a soda.

"Ooh," I comment and reach for the soda.

But I stop short when I can see that's making him angry again. "Uuh—Sorry," I manage.

"No," Dojima sighs. "Have it. _Please—Just get it out of my car_. No one else's gonna drink it now—Nanako isn't big on soda, either. Y-you want that other shit, too?" I look through the small bags of chocolate-covered potato chips, half-finished packages of Hi-Chew, and loose ramune candy.

"I'm good," I reply and he frowns, shoving the soda into my hands. Then he yanks all the sweet snacks from the compartment and furiously stuffs them into the bag in the backseat.

When he's finished, Dojima takes out another cigarette. "Well at least that's done. Clean and new again..."

I finish the soda quickly and throw away the metal bottle. _I'd figured the snacks were for Nanako._

We're quiet again. _I really don't know what's even safe to say after the last few outbursts._

We arrive in the mostly-empty lot around two in the afternoon. Dojima doesn't get out for a while. He sits in the driver's seat and fiddles with his tie. "Need to look professional so I can get more sway," he mumbles.

I nod, trying to keep myself in the background.

"Sorry I can't bring you along..."

 _Don't worry: I'm not._

"Usually only family is allowed in at this point. I had to call in more favors," Dojima sighs. "I'll have to deliver on a few of those... Things like picking up some of the slack in understaffed stations one weekend a month. Going to be a pain in the ass."

He grabs his jacket and actually puts it on for once. "But I..." He sighs again as he kills the motor. "I have to _do something_ ," Dojima says it almost like he's begging for this to be the answer.

"You'll be fine," I tell him, patting the old man's shoulder. "I'll be here if you need me." I take my travel bag from the backseat and pull out my latest project. _I'll be here a while. He's gonna have to jump through a bunch of hoops and practically strip for security._

"Here I go," Dojima mutters and gets out of the car.

I spend the next few hours knitting and making patterns. When I get bored of that, I open a magazine that has maps of trails in the Inaba-Okina area. I mark off a list of where I want to go for the summer while I eat more jerky.

Dojima comes back looking like _hell_. Thankfully, he makes it all the way to the car before losing his shit.

Once the door's closed, Dojima beats the steering wheel a bunch of times and screams about the most obscene string of swears I've ever heard. He's panting like he ran sprints when he's finished.

"You okay?" I stupidly ask— _What else are you supposed to do in a situation like this?_

"It started out poorly. He kept taunting me and going on and on about how dumb I am and that I should leave him alone because aren't I happy he's gonna die in prison?" Dojima smacks the wheel again for good measure. "I finally left after he cracked his only unbroken finger. Probably shattered—It was bent in half. The wrong way. There was bone showing."

Dojima laughs without humor. "Boy did I catch hell for _that_. Didn't press the buzzer when it happened—I took a minute to finish our 'conversation' before they took him away. If the guards have to be called, you're done for the day."

"Can they fix it?" I question. _Sounds bad._

"Doctors in prisons are generally quacks, but I'm going to make goddamn sure it gets splinted or whatever the hell you need for something as disgusting as that— _That_!" Dojima spits.

He reaches around his seat to grab one of the now-warm cans of black coffee. "Let's get the fuck out of here. I've had enough bullshit for one day—But..."

He sighs in a way that I know exactly what's coming next. "Thank you, Kanji." He stalls and sips his coffee. "I-I'll be coming back next week... Just so you know."

 _Don't know if this trip helped or made things worse._..


	92. Zuutto (Kazoku)

Notes: **!TRIGGER WARNING TODAY!**

This includes past, referenced abuse of all kinds. The abuse itself is not explicit, but other parts (like half) of the chapter are definitely M.

"Zuutto" is one of my favorite Japanese words. It has many nuanced meanings, including (but not limited to): always, continuously, forever, the whole time, all the way, much better, far away, long ago, direct, throughout, straight, by far. And with the tough topics the men talk about—directly for once—a lot of these words apply.

Read the endnotes for more info on prison in Japan, as well as a list of current and referenced flashbacks.

Thanks (as always!) for reading! I'd love to hear thoughts on the last bundle chapters, where we've had flashbacks and now actual conversations on the past. I've been getting more than ten hits a day so I know you're all out there! :P I want to examine real-world consequences, as I've been harping on, but don't want to veer too much into pity-territory. It's a tough balancing act that I think I'm barely holding together.

 **#**

Chapter Forty-Seven: Zuutto

(Ryoutarou)

I follow my usual Saturday routine even though I have a bad feeling today isn't going to be normal—What with us attempting to hash everything out.

 _Will I really get answers to my questions? Now that I know more about the gods and the demons and the TV Land, will it really excuse anything or instead compound all the wrongs even further?_

I rise, start the coffee, get the paper, cook for Nanako and I, eat and read, and finally bring coffee upstairs when she leaves. I place the cups at the head of the bed where _someone_ definitely won't knock them over. Then I sit and light a cigarette.

I smoke and sip my third cup of coffee. _Peaceful..._

 _The way I like my mornings._

 _The way I like my house._

 _The way I like..._

When the coffee's gone, I reach out my foot and nudge Tohru. He groans but otherwise doesn't move or stick any part of his body out from under the covers. I poke him a few more times before taking away the covers.

" _Augh!_ " the screeching starts right up and I chuckle. It's mostly for show, but the way he shouts at the exact second his head shows is always amusing.

"Ahh, c'mere Tohru," I say and pull him over to me. He sits up and leans on me, then I hand him his mug of coffee, made the way he likes—

Tohru grimaces at the warm mug in his hand. "Will I ever like coffee?" he asks, pretending to gag when he takes his first sip.

I smile and bring my hand up to rub his head. At that, Tohru quickly abandons the coffee and drapes his arms around my shoulders.

"Alright," I tell him. "Back up—Too close. Don't you want to eat?"

He frowns and tries to kiss me so I get the picture. "Oi—Cigarette!" I admonish, yanking it out of my mouth. " _Be careful._ "

I hold it out behind myself and meet his lips. "You wanna do that now?" I question. _I wanted to make headway in our conversation before it inevitably devolves into an argument._

Tohru leans back and falls to the bed, looking annoyed. " _Are you_ gonna want to have sex _after_ asking me fifty questions about being a murderer?"

I stare dumbly for a minute.

 _I've done a good job steadily continuing to push the harsher truths away._

"You're gaping," Tohru yawns. "Really not attractive…"

I sigh and stub out my cigarette. Then I lean over to kiss him and he smirks into my mouth. "Talk about attractive," I mutter and when I pull away, Tohru's laughing in a genuine manner. _Makes me happy to see that._

He kneels so we're at an even height and tugs on my shirt to pull it over my head. "Too bad," he sardonically tells me. "You actually put on a tee-shirt..."

"I'm sure you're _very_ apologetic," I reply and he laughs again.

Pulling Tohru closer, I kiss him again as I start to gently skim my fingertips all over him—His sides, back, chest, arms...

Tohru makes an annoyed noise, so I stop, waiting to see if I've actually done something wrong, or if it's more of his usual complaints.

"Stop treating me like I'll break," he grunts, pushing me back. "I don't do that to you."

I smile wryly. "You should know by now that's not what this is about." He's got his hands on either side of my torso, pinning me, and he's glaring defiantly. I sigh and reach up to rub his neck and then shoulder.

He squirms and makes an aggravated noise. "Then why do you do that?"

"Because I want to touch you. What do I keep saying?" I challenge, moving lower and adding my other hand when he doesn't protest again. I end with his hips and smile fondly at him.

"Which thing?" I can tell Tohru's trying hard not to act as though he likes it—Simply twitching involuntarily and gritting his teeth instead of how he usually just lets his voice go.

 _I don't understand why it makes him so jumpy._

I want to love him. To make him _feel_ loved.

"There's no rush— _We have time_." I lean in to kiss Tohru again and he cautiously returns it. "Don't be so antsy," I murmur, trailing my lips up his jawline. "It's all a part of the process."

This time Tohru does groan. He leans himself against me; grinds into my leg. "I want to get to the good part," he protests.

" _It's all the good part,_ " I scoff. "This—" I breathe. "This is the difference between just screwing and making love. I want to touch all of you—Can't get enough."

I press him away from me so I can lean down and brush my lips over where his heart is. He hisses in surprise and keeps squirming while I kiss the area gently, taking as long as I want.

I finally lean back again because he keeps pushing me away. "Come on," Tohru whines. "It's too much!" He's _very_ flushed and looking really impatient.

I can't help the smug smile I feel stretching across my face. "I thought you wanted _everything_. Couldn't get enough..." I grin. "Now I'm too much?"

"Tell me," I entreat. I wrap my arms around him and pull him back to me. "What do you want me to do? We can do whatever you want."

I watch as his gaze darts around the sparse room and I have to suppress a laugh when he rolls his eyes, obviously finding nothing too strange. "I just want you," he quietly admits, golden eyes moving back to me.

"S-stop smiling like that!" Tohru shoves me, but I only smack back down into the futon. _There's nowhere to go._

I raise my eyebrows, chuckling. "I'm already on the floor. There's nowhere to push me."

Tohru chuffs. "Yeah I can see that... Guess it's my turn."

I frown mockingly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," he theatrically sighs and sits up. "I'll give it a shot." I laugh softly and kiss him.

I sit up and cross my legs until he tells me not like that. So I uncross my legs and he gets on his knees in front of me, then hesitantly rubs my shoulders.

"Why is this part so foreign to you?" I have to ask, curiosity getting the better of me. "Do you really not like it?"

He leans his head into my shoulder and sighs, clearly not wanting to look at me when he speaks. "It's been so long since someone's doted on me like this. It's weird—I don't know what to do."

"You forgot?" I gingerly prompt. "I _never_ forgot. With you—especially that first time—it was all I wanted to do. I wanted to show you how happy I was that you let me in like that. All I wanted was to make you feel good; like you were the only person in the world for me."

"That's why you _said_ it, huh?" he remarks, sighing sadly. "That you loved me."

I have to sigh wistfully, too— _Though for me it's not that I wish I hadn't said it, but more that I regret not getting the point across better. That it kills me I wasn't able to be there for him when it mattered most._

"I said it because I _meant_ it." I'm a little grateful myself; that I don't need to see whatever absurd expression he makes when I confess the truth. "It was a long time coming— _Longer than I wanted to admit._ So after that, after I knew you were all I wanted, there was no more denying it."

"I had sex before," he hesitantly volunteers. "But it was different. It was more about just getting each other off."

He shakes his head and continues. "You were more focused on _how_ I was feeling, rather than _what_ I was feeling. I didn't know what to do with it." Tohru sighs, resting his hands on my thighs while he leans against me.

I feel myself smiling sadly. "Well things are different now," I murmur, rubbing all the way up and down his back. I lean backwards, pulling Tohru with me.

He moves back and looks down at me; runs his knuckles over my chest and sighs. " _I_..." He traces the marks with his fingers.

I raise my eyebrows and wait patiently, wondering if he'll go on.

 _What do you want to tell me?_

But Tohru doesn't finish his thought. Instead, he ends up drawing forward to kiss me. He's grinding against my leg and moaning into my mouth. I keep one hand steady on his side, applying a little pressure to remind him to stay in the moment.

When he pulls away we're both breathing heavily. "What do you want to do?" I exhale.

He starts working my pants off, leaving little doubt in my mind. Then he bends down; his face by the outside of my hip. "Here?" he questions.

I snort. "That's _better_ ," I reply.

Tohru licks, then roughly sucks on the area, nipping intermittently— _And dammit I'm a liar if I say it doesn't feel good._ He can tell—Starts to feel me in other places, caressing my legs and stomach.

I twitch; can feel everything acutely. When he gets up, I can tell he's definitely turned on. I tug under one of his arms and drag him on top of me again. "Like this?" I ask, settling him across my lap.

He nods, grabbing my shoulders again and carefully lowering himself down. Tohru inhales sharply when we start to connect. I let him set the pace while I massage his hips and butt. He likes that—The harder I knead, the rougher he shoves himself down.

I can feel him twitching, his grunting growing louder. "Not ready," I whisper. Tohru nods curtly, trying to hold himself off. His movements get slower and more directed and I hear myself starting to get loud. I tap him, panting, and he understands—Pulls me close and wraps his legs around my waist.

I take over and bring us both over the edge. Tohru's leaning his face in an awkward direction, so I nudge it up so I can kiss him again. He clutches me and doesn't want to let go even when we're done.

Grinning at him, I let us fall to the side. "Ngh," Tohru groans. "Back to sleep..."

"Oi— _Hey!_ " I shout, but can't help cracking up despite myself. "Get up," I tell him. "We're showering, you're eating, _we're talking_ , and then going for a drive."

Tohru raises his head to peek at the window. "It's raining," he flatly tells me. "We're going to walk around in a city in the rain? That's _your_ idea of a good time?" He smirks, knowing I dislike both cities and rain.

"Then we'll pick something else... Let's go." I extricate myself and stand, dragging Tohru down the hall with me.

"I feel like I just showered," he complains.

I stare at him like he's a moron. " _You did._ Last night... Now you're doing it again, and maybe one more time if we have a soak later."

"I still don't like it," Tohru announces when he takes a seat on the stool. "I never got to shower much."

"Hnn?" I vocalize— _I've lost the thread._

A little time passes before he qualifies. "In prison," Tohru volunteers. "And when I did it usually meant beatings because we'd have to talk to each other to share soap and stuff. They didn't want any of us speaking to each other."

I nod slowly, taking that in while I wash myself. _The less they interact, the less likely there'll be prisoner-on-prisoner violence or other incidents. Even I know you have to spend most of the day in stony silence._

 _That must have been hard for him—He likes to hear himself talk even when there isn't anything important to say._

 _He especially enjoys joking around._

I smile tentatively at Tohru and hold up the cloth. He nods, so I slowly scrub his back and remain quiet, giving him space to continue if he wants.

"And it was _always_ cold—Usually fucking _freezing_ , even in the summer." Tohru lifts his legs and plants his heels on the stool as well. "The water, the air, the thin clothes... And even if it _was_ warmer, it was muggy—So you always felt wet and gross." He hugs his knees and I want to reach out and embrace him, but get the feeling that if I interrupt his apprehensive retrospection he'll then hide this all away again.

"If I could die of hypothermia I think I would've." He squeaks out some noises that aren't quite laughs or a snorts, but something else.

I nod again, trying to be unobtrusive but encouraging. _They don't like running the heat all the time... And a lot of inmates do lose considerable amounts of weight..._

 _I've spent most of my career putting people behind bars, but I hadn't wanted to consider the way they're treated once there. Especially someone like Tohru—_

 _Who's committed one of the worst offenses. Who was a police officer himself._

"What?" he scoffs, and I realize I've stopped moving. He's twisted his head around to glare at me. " _You wanna hear more?_ " he jeers.

"If you want to tell me more," I evenly reply. I pat his back and Tohru stands to wash himself and rinse off. After, we get in the tub.

He glowers at the water. "I thought I was going to die—Or I guess I _hoped_ for it. Before you came to see me, and even for a while after, before I was moved to a permanent cell, they did... They did a lot of terrible things to m—" Tohru stops speaking midsentence and flicks his eyes up to meet mine for a second. " _I'm not telling you._ "

I try to give him a reassuring look.

 _I wouldn't have asked. You don't want to share lesser memories; I know it would make you feel—_

"I felt like a failure. Like I couldn't protect myself," he finishes my thought for me and scrunches himself up. "And I felt—even more than before—like I'd failed _you_ ," he mumbles.

"Is that why you asked me to kill you?" _I won't ever be able to forget that desperate plea._

Tohru glances up sharply, meeting my gaze. " _Partly_. I also didn't think I could ever make up for the things I've done to you and Nanako." He shakes his head. "But during the questioning... Being a dirty cop was like having a target painted on my back—or my front—or all over my body. Just a gigantic 'punch me' note."

He starts to pull at his hair and his expression turns very dark; extremely despondent. "Like a giant sign hanging above me that let everyone know they should fuck with me—Just take out all their frustrations on the crazy murderer cop, because what's he gonna do? No one gives a shit what happens to _him_! All these guards too _stupid_ to become cops themselves..."

"W-what's he gonna do? Who's gonna care about s-someone like him? We can _punch_ him, _kick_ him in the ribs, _throw him around, hold him down_ —" He's grinding his teeth so loudly but they won't stay together—I can hear them chattering, too.

 _I think it's about time I do something—_

I move forward so I can hold him now. Tohru is shuddering so much when I wrap my arms around him and pull him against me. We sit there like that for a long time; until the water goes cold.

When I suggest we get out, Tohru quickly agrees and we dry off and change. "I'm fine, physically—Just so that you know. No lasting problems or diseases. They did an exit exam. And Nanako fixed my fucked-up fingers." He wiggles the digits of his left hand. "So don't worry about any of that."

"Those aren't necessarily the parts I find concerning," I pick my words carefully, trying to gently let him know.

Tohru glares at me for a minute, not liking my comment, but then one corner of his mouth turns up in a partial smile. "You know I..." he starts, but then shakes his head.

He's quiet for a minute before speaking again. "I really care about you."

"I know," I affirm. "Me too."

"The worst was this one guard who really hated my guts—On Thursdays or Fridays he'd goad me and push me around till I snapped so that I had to sit seiza in that glorified time-out room." Tohru grabs the edge of the sink and he's jumpy—Shaking again.

"And then they'd give me these little _updates_ all day while I wasn't supposed to talk or move—If I did it pretty much became a free-for-all..." He pounds the sink a few times before getting himself under control. "They'd _so politely_ let me know that you'd been turned away after driving all day, or that you were sitting and waiting for me while I had to finish out my semi-isolation."

"Once I figured out how to use my powers, it wasn't that bad because people mostly left me alone. You heard about that standoff in the showers?" he rhetorically demands. " _I temporarily paralyzed everyone._ Because no one could move while I freely paced the room... Scared the _shit_ out of the guards, and then word inevitably spread through the regular population in my block and beyond."

"So I was still freezing my ass off and not getting enough food, but..." Tohru steps right up to me and looks me in the eye. "I wouldn't have cared about getting out or anything, really, if you hadn't let me know there was still a place for me."

"Tohru," I sigh. "I told you—Even if we weren't in a relationship, I made a promise to you; a commitment. I'd help you anyway. There's _always_ a place for you here."

He shakes his head, looking annoyed. "But I want a very _specific_ place," Tohru asserts as he wraps his arms around me. " _This one_."

"It's yours."

" _I'm_ yours," he mumbles.

I hug him tightly. "Me too."

 **#**

End Notes: I've been able to find small bits and pieces about prison in Japan, but one article has stuck out so far beyond the others! It won't let me post the link here, but ask me for it if you're interested!

Since I have learned new facts, I realize that visits with friends—especially visits where everyone can sit together—are never allowed. Well, this IS fiction. Please bear with me...

At some point I'd like to put together a PDF version of all the flashbacks so they can be viewed in chronological order. I was thinking of how everything fits together today, and realized that it breaks down as follows:

December – Both Dojimas in hospital; Adachi turned in

Jan – Kanji 'Locked In' flashbacks

Late Jan – Dojima released

Early Feb – Nanako released

Early May – Adachi trial starts; Kanji 'From Emperor to Hierophant' flashback; Kanji "Okaeri" flashback

Mid May – Kanji 'The Taste of Black Coffee' flashback

Following Jan – First trial ends

Feb or After – Dojima "Oretachi" flashback; Guys file an appeal (lack of evidence, insanity, etc)


	93. Small Differences (Kazoku)

Chapter Forty-Eight: Small Differences

(Tohru)

Downstairs, I pull instant noodles out of the cabinet because I'm realizing I may have _missed_ them—

 _How fucked is that?_

"Why're you eating crap?" Ryoutarou makes a face. "I'll make you fish or an egg."

I shake my head. "I want this today."

He shrugs and pours me some juice. "You want tamago kake gohan to go with it?"

"Two carbs?" I scoff.

"You want it?" he brightly asks, even though he's already scooping rice. "I'll make it for you."

 _It was that comment about not getting enough to eat. I know it._

 _He's going to be stuffing me for weeks now..._

"It takes _time_ to gain weight," I tell Ryoutarou, trying to mete out the right amount of annoyance without making him feel bad.

He glances between me—already boiling water for the prepackaged noodles—and the heaping bowl of rice. "That's way more than I can eat," I add.

Ryoutarou sighs, but does dump the damn rice back into the cooker. When I pour the boiling water into my bowl however, he cracks the egg he took out before I can protest. I grumble, but he doesn't seem bothered.

I bring the food to the table and sit. I stare at the softening noodles and bright egg and wonder what the hell I'm doing. _I shouldn't tell him anything else._

I add the seasoning packets and stir everything till it's evenly mixed. I eat slowly while Ryoutarou has more coffee. He's placed my unfinished mug by my seat, and I'll have it when I'm done with the soup.

"When does the interrogation begin?" I quip between bites.

Ryoutarou's face falls and he's quiet for a minute.

"I don't have many questions," he informs me. "I know a lot of your previous answers, though I don't know if I'll ever be able to _understand_ them."

"How could you...?" Ryoutarou begins to ask ' _the question_ ' and trails off.

 _Doesn't matter. I know what he was going to ask, even if he's too chicken._

"How could I _what_?" I repeat anyhow, speaking around a mouthful of ramen. Ryoutarou doesn't say anything else, so I finish my food before I answer.

I narrow my eyes. "It's more like I 'let them die', rather than personally killing them."

" _But how could you do that?!_ " Ryoutarou _thumps_ the table. "More importantly—And this you _need_ to tell me—" His eyebrows arch up as he stares intently. "Would you do it again? _Now?_ " He frowns, his face drawing tight and cold. "I want to think that you wouldn't."

"Now I..." I grit. "Now I have _something_ —"

 _That I want to protect—_

 _You should be able to understand that._

I fold my arms, knowing I look too defensive. "Only if someone posed a real threat to you or Nanako."

Ryoutarou angrily shakes his head. "What does that _entail_?"

"I was ready to kill Kubo," I quickly answer, looking him in the eye. "I have not felt that way about anyone else since then. If I do, I promise to tell you."

"Before or after?" he demands and I know I visibly wince—Staying quiet. " _Before or after?_ " Ryoutarou repeats in a louder voice.

I sigh and pull at my hair a little. "I don't know!" I anxiously try.

 _After._

 _Definitely after—You'd stop me_

 _Or never._

I rub my face and grunt— _Frustrated_.

 _Never's the better answer._

"If you don't tell me," Ryoutarou tries. "Then I can't _help_ you. Your actions will always have consequences." He glares at me sharply while he continues to lecture. "You won't get out so easily a second time—A little over five years in prison has worn you down so _much_! _Don't do anything that could get you sent back_ — _You_ won't make it. _I_ won't make—"

Now I slam the table and my empty bowl clatters around. "Why do you have to say it like that?" I demand, leaning across the table. "I'll do what I _have_ to!"

He doesn't falter. "You _don't_ have to!" he yells, punctuated with more banging. "You _never_ had to!" Ryoutarou scowls at me so harshly—

His eyes flash as he seethes—As he grows angrier than I've seen him get in a long time—Like he's going to completely lose control of his temper. " _Do not screw this up_ ," Ryoutarou commands. "I will _not_ forgive you and I probably will not be _able_ to help you—At all. There is only so much disgrace that will be tolerated before I'm fired and then there won't be _anything_ I can do."

I grit my teeth.

" _Do you understand what I'm telling you?_ " he demands. "I need to know that you're going to stay out of trouble—I'd like to know what brought you to that point in the first place, so we can avoid it and—"

" _Hnh!_ " I snort. "It was over. My career was over. My family was dead. I'd already shot someone—Killed someone for real, the _hard_ way... There was _nothing_ for me—And then to be rejected by some _stupid greedy bitch_ —To be told _again_ _and again_ that I wasn't good enough the way I am—"

I stop when I realize Ryoutarou's smacking the table to get my attention. "If you didn't know the first time but _did the sec—_ "

" _Huuh_ ," I hear the shaky laughter escape. "That _other_ bitch? Maybe I overreacted—she _was_ just a high school brat—but I wasn't even good enough for a whor—"

 _The next thing I know I'm on the floor—_ The room wheels until I smack wood, landing on my side.

 _Face—_

"Owhh, fuck," I mumble.

I reach my left hand over to my check.

 _Yup._

 _Slapped me pretty hard..._

"Uuh, Tohru?" His voice is all regret.

"Whaaat?" I moan, sitting up. "You asked me to explain how I ended up doing it. _You asked me to tell you what was going through my mind—So I did!_ "

"Yeah," he admits, holding out his hand.

I grunt. "I'll stay down here, thanks. This way I won't _go flying_ again..."

"Just get up," Ryoutarou sighs like _he's_ the one who's annoyed. _Pain in the goddamn..._

I take my seat at the table again. "We done with this part?" I spit.

He sits as well and folds his hands on top of the table. "I— _I guess_." He frowns down at his hands.

"Next?" I groan.

"Why didn't you show me earlier, so I at least believed you?" Ryoutarou asks, ratcheting down his attitude by only a little bit.

"Why didn't I show you _what_?" I repeat, shaking my head.

He bangs on the table. "The TV Land, moron!"

"Ohh man! For the last time: it's TV _World_ , Ryoutarou!" I sigh.

 _Who the hell even named it...?_

 _We all seemed to call it by the same name—It couldn't have been a coincidence._

 _Why do we all..._

 _But he doesn't always remember the right name... Is some thing about Ryoutarou different?_

"Tohru?" I finally realize he's been talking to me while I've been mulling that over. _Totally spacing out. Like a blank tape—_

 _Video tape—Different—Something was different—_

 _They went to the TV World from a video online, once._

 _Not on a regular television. At midnight, but no the usual pattern._

 _Is it the fact that it's the same type of media—All video clips?_

"Tohru!" Ryoutarou grumbles, snapping his fingers in front of my face a few times. "Are you paying attention to me, dammit!"

"Yes?" I quickly reply, but immediately veer away from whatever he was saying. "Tell me about Ai Meets Kizuna again. Someone mentioned a video online—"

" _What?_ " Ryoutarou interrupts. "You said you'd answer my questions!" he protests.

I groan. "I think I'm on to something—Please. Just tell me about it."

"I don't know all the details, but," he mutters. "There was a video on a website that apparently showed Kanami's old senpai dancing and those creepy ribbons."

"That's it?" I shake my head. "Did it ever play on the television too—Did _you_ ever see it?"

Ryoutarou squints like he's thinking. "Don't know," he finally tells me. "I thought I was going on vacation and ended up in a library most of the time..."

"Shh—Let me think! That's not the part that's important." _He's still going on about the stupid concert!_ "Ryoutarou! Shut up! For five minutes!"

He does shut up, but looks shocked I yelled at him.

 _He never saw it. He never saw the TVs at midnight..._

 _It's not as if he wouldn't have been awake. Probably drinking down here—Right by a television._

"Who was there? All the damn kids?" I question. He nods tentatively. "I'm calling Teddie. You call Ryota—Get him over here."

I take out my phone and dial the bear. Of course he picks up on practically the first ring. "To~hru~!" he happily yells.

"Ugh, _what_?" I reply.

"What do _you_ need? You called me!" Teddie complains.

 _Ah. Right..._

"Teddie," I sigh. "Do you remember Ai Meets Kizuna?"

" _Yeah!_ " he screeches. " _It was so great! We danced so much and met Kana-chan and everyone was there and Nanako was so cute and we had costumes and—_ "

"No, dammit!" I practically shout. "What about _the shadows_?"

"Oh! Yeah! We fought them with dancing!"

"It was a completely different world than inside the TV, right?" I prompt.

"Mm-hmm!" he agrees. "So different I wasn't able to feel anything about my own world."

 _Right._

"Teddie—The video. You saw a video to get there, right?"

"Yup!" he affirms.

 _And here's the leap—_

I take a deep breath. "Did they ever show it on the TV, or could you _only_ see it online?"

"Online, duuh!" he tells me. "It was from the website—Kana's company's website!"

"Nnn—Which website doesn't matter, just that it didn't involve TVs at all. _Correct?_ "

"Yes," he says, sounding completely positive.

 _There are other pockets of the Collective Unconscious and—_

"Heyo!" I hear Ryou— _no, it's Ryota_ —say. Then he starts talking to Ryoutarou and it gets more frigging confusing.

I plug my other ear to drown them out. "Was anyone else around when you watched it? Who didn't get pulled in or something?"

"No?" he questions. _Not a real answer._

"Okay—I'll talk to you later. Gotta run, bye," I abruptly tell Teddie. "That's all I needed for now." I hang up and turn to Ryota, who's wandering around the living room like it's his first time here again. "And what did _you_ do, fucking teleport?!"

He nods, grinning. "Yeah—Your TV."

"Right..." I sigh and motion him to the table, where I sit down again too. "Do you know about other places _like_ the TV World?" I ask.

Ryota nods again. "Yes," he seriously replies. "A bunch of the kids went to another one a few—"

" _Yeah_ ," I groan. "I know. But are there _more_?!"

"A lot. They're made and destroyed all the time!" he excitedly remarks. "Haven't you been to the Cathe—"

Ryota is cut off by a crashing noise from upstairs. " _Did_ _something follow you?!_ " I demand, jumping up. Both of the guys jerk their heads towards the stairs while teleport to the bottom to listen.

I can hear Ryota mutter that I'm a 'showoff'.

"Hee-ho~" Black Frost calls. _For fuck's sake! What hasn't he told me this time?_

The thing floats into view from the direction of my room, his fucking finger resting innocently on his chin. "Why're you here?" I spit. "I didn't call you."

"I know, ho!" he happily replies. "But Friend..." I raise my eyebrows and wait for him to tell me something— _Probably another lie, but what can I do?_

Black Frost floats over to the table and I sit once again. He jitters around in the air above the empty seat. "But Friend did not know about The Cathedral? Tall was going to tell you, ho, but it should be me~"

Ryota looks disturbed at the snowman's sudden appearance and fidgets with his hands. "Then why _haven't_ you told him yet?"

"Oh~ Too busy!" Frost grins. "Too busy..."

He stops moving for a second and I wave my hand in front of him. " _Today, goddammit!_ " I snap.

"Can _enter_ from the TV, but _is not the same_!" he surmises. Black frost's eyes get a dark shine to them as he carefully words his next statement. " _Anyone from any place can enter, TV is just convenient, hee hoo!_ "

"Is there a way to completely erase the TV World?" I bluntly ask.

Black Frost opens his mouth wide as he turns his head slowly toward Ryota, who looks visibly shaken at my question. "There are two ways, ho," he begins. "If is no longer needed, that manifestation of Collective Will may disappear by neglect. Or if Vessel appears to contain it, _hoo_ —Must be of complete and utter emptiness to seal it inside."

Black Frost bobs through the air, leaving his seat and floating over to the TV in the living room. "If either process begins and is halted, hoooh!" he cackles. "What may happen to occupants of here or there?"

I'm so busy watching Black Frost that I haven't noticed that Ryota has summoned his persona— _Fuck! Short-tempered asshole!_

He orders his stupid god to attack Black Frost, who easily disappears into the tiny living room television, leaving behind a horrendous bout of evil laughter.


	94. More Complicated (Kazoku)

Chapter Forty-Nine: More Complicated

(Kanji)

My cell rings and I pick it up reflexively. "Tatsumi."

"How long are you going to ditch me for?" is what the half-annoyed, half-joking voice on the phone asks.

 _Augh, dammit! How long has it been since I've called him? We work right nearby each other._

"H-hey Naoki," I reply, starting to sweat even though I'm just dyeing fabric—Nothing exertive.

"Haah, what is it this time?" he tries. "Did you go on a binge with a new project?"

I laugh nervously. " _Something_ like that. But—I'm uhh, free today. Do you want to meet up for lunch?"

"Sure," he happily tells me. "But I get to pick because I'm making the effort to find you~"

"Ah-hah! No problem!" _Except that he always picks—_

"I'll see you at the bakery a few streets over in ten minutes?" Naoki brightly asks me. _Yup._

I start to clean everything up and glance around, wondering where my mom and Ted went. "Yeah," I agree anyhow. "Shouldn't be a problem."

"Alright," Naoki ends the conversation and hangs up.

"Ma!" I call, setting my work aside. "Ted?!" I find them in the house, already cooking. I'm surprised that Teddie is sautéing garlic, but hey— _Guess he finally wanted to learn._

"Smells good," I compliment them. "Too bad Naoki just invited me out..."

Teddie "aww"s while Ma says it's fine. They'll save my portion for later if I want it. So I head out and make my way down the road and through a few side streets till I arrive.

When I push open the door, I curse the fact that it's the same guy as the other day. "Hi," I say to him and try rush to give my order and pass over some bills.

Our interaction is then silent till Naoki comes up behind me and claps my shoulder. "Kanji!" he greets me with a nice smile.

"Hey man," I say back.

"How can you hang out with that traitor?" the guy behind the counter spits.

I frown and grab my change.

"What?" Naoki laughs. "What crawled up your butt? Kanji's a cool guy."

I scratch the back of my neck. _I might not be..._

"That asshole was hanging around with the fucking murderer!" the idiot yells. _And now everyone's staring while Naoki looks like he's been punched in the gut._

My friend shakes his head. "No," he calmly replies. "I've known Kanji since we were kids—Even if he was, I know he has his reasons." Naoki is firm and the guy behind the counter doesn't challenge us again. I wait with my friend while he orders, too.

When we finally sit with our food, Naoki smiles wryly at me. "So what's the story, big guy?"

I groan. "You know I'm friends with Dojima," I tell him. "And seeing how word travels so quick, you must know that Adachi's living with him."

Naoki nods. "I'm aware." He takes a bite of his sandwich, not seeming angry or upset or anything.

"So I've been seeing a lot of the snake lately," I flatly tell him. "I don't particularly care for him, but he's..." I shake my head and start on my own food.

"Yeah," Naoki quietly replies. "I kind of figured that's why you've been distancing yourself."

"What?" I say a little too loudly. "No man!"

Naoki smiles kind of shy. "Kanji, I know you're feeling guilty—People tell me he's been at your store almost every day this week."

I throw down my sandwich. "Yeah," I admit. "He has. He's actually a decent worker."

"See?" Naoki huffs. "You know I'd rather you were honest with me."

"Yeah..."

We're silent for a little while, just enjoying our food. But Naoki looks like he has another question for me.

"What's up?" I ask.

He frowns, like he's unsure if he should say whatever it is. I gesture that it's fine. "Is it true that Dojima-san and Adachi...?"

I think I'm a little too quiet. I stuff more food in my mouth to try and think, but he's watching me carefully. "Yes," I tell him.

"But what about Nanako-chan?" Naoki naively questions. "Is it safe for her?"

I can't help laughing at that—I actually choke on my food a little. "She seems like the only one who can keep the crazy man in line," I tell him when I've recovered. "Sorry, but it's kinda funny—He acts like he doesn't wanna do anything to upset her. Almost like he cares about her opinion more that Dojima's, really."

"Be careful around him," Naoki seriously tells me. "We all believed he was some goofy, friendly idiot."

I frown, still frustrated from the other day and amped-up about 'talking' on Monday, even if Ryota is there. "Don't worry."

"So what, was he here? Is that why the worker was giving you a hard time?" I'm asked.

I nod. "He spit in Adachi's tea and I brought it back so Dojima wouldn't tear his arm off." I motion ripping off an arm and using it to clobber someone like a baseball bat. "And, y'know, then beat him to death with it."

Naoki snickers. "I bet he went postal."

"Yeah," I agree. "He was smacking his car and shaking Adachi and then I had to jump _in_ the car while it was moving cause the idiot was hanging out the door... Dojima told me before he ran over Adachi's foot one time cause he fell out of the car from a similar situation." I lean back in my chair, lifting the front legs off the floor. "God my life's been one nightmare after another lately."

My friend laughs again. "Sounds like you've got your hands full."

"Sorta," I sigh. "It's so chaotic with the guy around. Everything's always blowing up or something else bad is happening, or Dojima's getting fuckin' hurt—Shit," I groan and lower my voice. "Someone stabbed him last week, you know. They're keeping it all quiet, but everything keeps getting violent with that— _That_..."

I let the chair fall forward again, slamming onto the floor. "Fuck I'm so frustrated!" I slap the table lightly.

Naoki stares at me, looking a little worried. "What're you going to do? You can't very well avoid the Dojimas—Nanako-chan practically lives at your house."

"I know. Hey, Naoki," I start, needing to ask. "Do you..."

He snorts. "No, we're cool. I've got my own life and I've moved on in my own way. Just don't invite us both for dinner," Naoki gibes.

"Thanks," I reply. "Sorry I was avoidin' you. I didn't know what to say." My foods gone, so I just finish my water, trying to shut up for a minute.

"Don't avoid me," he raises his eyebrows. "That makes me angrier."

"Yeah," I agree. "Should've know."

"So!" Naoki slams his cup a little loudly when he's done. "How's Yuki-chan? Or have you been keeping under her radar, too?"

I shake my head. "No, but trust me—She's got _her_ hands full too. She's been—Ah," I try to figure out how to even explain this one. "Training someone new," I settle on.

"Why? Is he as clumsy as her?" he remarks.

"Naah," I wave the assumption away. "Just... _Different_. One of Dojima's relatives who's moving nearby. He's a real damn space-case."

 _Well that's one way to put it._

"Well," Naoki says as he picks up his trash. "If I have to hunt you down again, you're buying for me.

I shrug. "That's fair. Let's do this again next week."

"Alright," my friend smiles as he walks away.


	95. Plus One (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty: Plus One

(Ryoutarou)

Once Black Frost and its eerie laughter has disappeared, Ryota recalls Yanamtaka. "Son of a bitch," he curses, stares darkly at the television. "He's threatening to loose more demons here— _You know that right?_ " he demands of Tohru.

Tohru waves him off with a grunt of acknowledgement. "Yeah I know. Just—Just let me think!"

I'm the only one still seated. _Don't know what I could do..._

Ryota is advancing on Tohru and looking angry. " _Don't_ tell that thing anything unnecessary, alright?" he orders.

Tohru rolls his eyes and nods. "Yeah—I know that already! We'll figure it out!" he shouts back. "But right now isn't the time. It's good enough that I've confirmed my suspicions. The rest will have to wait."

I watch the two continue to squabble and I tune them out. _Can't understand half of what they're saying, anyhow. Things about how different "worlds" are or aren't connected._

I wash Tohru's dishes and put on another round of coffee for Ryota and myself. By the time it's done brewing, they're still going at it—Pacing the room and gesturing wildly.

Picking my blue mug out of the rack, I choose yellow for Ryota again. I pour us each a cup and hold them up. The other man catches sight of the offer and stops fighting to take the drink from me. We lean against the kitchen counter and sip our black coffee.

Now Tohru's arguing with himself. He's still yelling out theories and pacing round, as if he didn't even notice Ryota's departure. _At least he's putting his mind to good use for once._

"So you think something bad is going to happen?" I quietly question Ryota.

"Hnn," he hums. "Probably. You're lucky to have me around," he smirks and holds up his mug.

I laugh a little. "I guess so."

"That guy needs a fire lit under his ass or he doesn't get moving, huh?" Ryota asks me.

I shake my head. "He was never very motivated since I've known him. But I think he likes that he's our resident brainiac on personas." I snicker. "Probably mad you're taking his thunder away."

Ryota nods. "I believe it."

When our drinks are almost gone, Tohru's finally calmed down a bit. He's sitting on the couch and glowering at the television. I rinse my mug and sit down next to him. Tohru turns to me, still agitated. "There's more out there than we know. There will always be all these threats. We'll never just 'be safe'."

"Tohru," I sigh and put my arm around him. "I don't know about you—it's something else you've never told me—but that's why I became a police officer. To protect my family and my town. I do what I can, and you do what you can." I tap his chest and he frowns at my finger.

"So that's it?" he challenges. "We just ' _do what we can_ '? There's no better answer?" _I don't like his expression._

I gently squeeze Tohru's shoulder. "No," I carefully tell him. "There really isn't. That's part of life."

 _He looks unhappy with that, but it's the truth. You can't protect everyone. You can't save everyone._

 _You do what you can._

"You two want lunch?" I ask, changing the subject. Ryota immediately agrees while Tohru huffs.

"I guess," he grudgingly says. He's threaded his arms around me with that death grip of his and he looks like he's pouting.

I nudge him. "Then you have to let go." He giggles when he notices, and it makes me laugh, too.

"What are we having?" Tohru asks.

"You choose," I shrug.

He looks up at me sharply. "More ramen," Tohru declares in a very serious tone.

Ryota makes a face and even I'd rather not. "Let's go to the store. We'll pick out something for dinner, too."

Tohru groans while Ryota digs around in his pocket. He holds out some money. "Here," he tells me. "To cover what I eat."

" _Showoff_ ," Tohru mutters and I roll my eyes.

"Don't worry," I say to Ryota. "We're not in the hole, yet." He grunts and tries to stuff it in my pocket when I stand.

"This'll be fun~" Tohru goads. "Neither one of you is gonna back down, are you?" He leans back on the couch and grins while we push the paper money back and forth between us.

" _Shut up!_ " we both bark. It cracks Tohru up.

I sigh and take the money. "Fine. Thank you," I curtly tell the other man.

"Ahh man," Tohru complains as he finally stands. "Junes? Konbini? Drive or drive?"

Ryota frowns. "We _walk_ to the corner store."

"Rain," Tohru halfheartedly points out the window.

 _Right. Not walking in that._ I grab my keys and then remember—

"Get in the car, I need to make a phone call about tomorrow."

"What? For the onibaba?" Tohru quips, and this time Ryota bursts out laughing.

"Let's get it all out today," I groan. "Nanako will be angry if we insult her."

"We'll wait outside," Ryota says and grabs the neck of Tohru's shirt to pull him along.

Tohru punches him in the side. "I ain't no cat!" he hisses, making Ryota laugh again.

I walk to the landline and dial the cell number I have in the address book— _Never bothered to save it in my most recent phone._

"Hello?" my mother demands after one ring.

I try to hold in another sigh. "Tomorrow," I say with no preamble. "You can come by for lunch. Does eleven work?"

"Nn that's fine. I don't need to be on a train back until three," she replies.

"I was thinking I'll order sushi and—"

"Don't," I'm rudely interrupted. "I'll buy it. Adachi isn't being paid up front," she scoffs.

"What is it with everyone today?" I snort. " _We're fine._ "

She huffs. "Of _course_ you are—" _Same old patronizing tone._ "The only one with a paying job supporting two _children_ —"

I thump the wall. _Tomorrow is not going to go well._

She's still lobbing potshots so I cut my mother off. "That's enough. If you've nothing else important, I need to get to the store."

I hear a sigh. "If I give you something for that Ryota...?" she asks me.

"Yes," I reply. "I'll get it to him. No one even knows his damn address."

My mother clears her throat. "So... Would you rather he be your cousin or your bastard brother?"

"Oh goody," I snort. "I get to pick?"

" _He_ would've been allowed to pick if we got to cut him open, but you negated that..."

" _Oh for—_ That's inhumane and cruel!"

"I guess we won't be able to cure cancer this year—Suit yourself."

"Who's bastard?" I question, ignoring the lie about furthering medicine. _It's more likely for the military._

She laughs. "Your father's _obviously_. You look just like him."

"This is such a goddamn bizarre conversation!" I remark. "Who gets him if he's my cousin?"

"Who do we hate the most?"

I can't help chuckling. "Your older brother, _obviously_."

"That man is not bright. I doubt he'd even realize there was an extra on his register, for that matter. Final answer?" she prods.

"Brother is fine," I concede. "Then I won't be the youngest."

"There are only two of—Well now there's literally two of _you_. Couldn't have been the one I'm proud of," she mutters.

I groan. "I can hear you!"

"Good!" my mother shouts back. "Tell your _brother_ I'll bring his papers by tomorrow."

"Yeah yeah..."

She makes another derisive noise. "For the record, you'd better make sure he doesn't say anything to embarrass you, Ryou. And you'd _damn well_ better make sure all of your stories match."

"I'll be fine," I sigh. "We'll make sure they match by then time we drive up next week."

"He's from..." my mother quietly muses. "Around the time that Nanako was kidnapped, yes?"

I frown. "How would you know?"

"Educated guess," she coolly replies. "I always wondered what the real story was. No electrical problems were found with your car."

"Don't go digging into my business or we'll have a real problem between us again," I coldly tell her.

"Hnn. That's about all the confirmation I need. I'll see you tomorrow, Ryou." She hangs up before I can even say goodbye.

"Wait—" I call. "Does nee-san know about your work?" I question.

My mother laughs. "Oh god no! She's too self-absorbed to even realize my new position."

"What about..." I hesitate.

" _No_ ," she firmly commands. "Don't even mention him by name. I wouldn't bring _family_ in for research—Which reminds me that you will be giving a written statement that yourself and Nanako have no knowledge of this bull. It'll be vague enough to get you out of anything. I'll bring that by tomorrow, as well."

"You'd better have some kind of ace up your sleeve for Tohru, too!" I demand and hang up. _Not leaving room for argument._

I anxiously run a hand through my hair and shove the address book back into the drawer. _How dangerous is all of this really? I've gone along quietly because Tohru seems to know what he's doing, and it's not my right to stop him._

I take out a cigarette and let it dangle from my lips. _Where did he—_

 _Store. We're supposed to get lunch and dinner._

I walk into the garage and see them leaning against the car and talking with the door up. I get into the driver's seat and the other two join me.

Tohru pokes fun at my unlit cigarette before flicking open his lighter. "Phone call went poorly?" he surmises.

"What tipped you off?" I snark, blowing smoke at his face as I pull us out of the garage.

"Eww!" he shrieks, swatting it away.

"At least with Godzilla along, people will probably leave us alone," I remark.

I see Ryota point at himself in the mirror. " _Me?_ " he queries.

That one lands Tohru in stitches. He smacks my arm; he's guffawing so much.

"Yeah," I tell him, also laughing a little at the way this is all working out. "But try not to stick out, little brother—Apparently that's who you are, now."

"I'm... Who?" he repeats, very lost.

"Your papers are going to say that you're my younger brother. Congratulations—You get to stick around Inaba."


	96. On the Spot (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty-One: On the Spot

(Tohru)

The three of us wander around Junes picking out stuff to make oyakodon and omurice. I grab the vegetables with Ryota annoyingly hovering right next to me as he was ordered, while Ryoutarou walks off to pick out a few cuts of meat.

We're almost out of rice, so I tell Ryota to grab a large-sized sack— _He should be able to carry it no trouble. And if not, it'll be fun to watch him struggle._

"Are you nervous about Monday?" the idiot asks me when we're waiting in line.

"What _about_ Monday?" a similar voice echoes from behind us.

I groan, needing to think quickly. _Good job, Blabby..._

"N-no reason," Ryota fidgets while the other one narrows his eyes at us.

 _What the hell is plausible?_

"Just hanging out..." Ryota tries again. Ryoutarou raises an eyebrow and turns to me.

"Yeah—Why don't we just tell him already, you _big, dumb jackass_! It's a _party_!" I blurt. "We wanted to have a little party— _For fun_ of course~"

Ryoutarou eyes me suspiciously, setting his finds down on counter. "Really?" he emotionlessly replies. "Is that so? We'll invite everyone then. _Sound good_?"

I try not to frown as he goes on. "That includes Kanji and Teddie, you know?"

"Then can we invite Yukiko and Chie?" Ryota questions, smiling like this was the real plan all along. I do my best not to kick him in the shin.

"I thought it was _your_ party," Ryoutarou challenges, folding his arms while our items are rung up. "Why would you need to ask?"

"What?!" I shout, just realizing what he said. "Wait—Hold up— _What?!_ " I shake my head. " _Another one's_ gonna be here, too?" I moan and grab at my hair.

 _What a damn mess..._

"Yeah, you didn't know?" Ryota asks us. "I thought it was funny neither of you mentioned it..." He gets busy bagging our items while Ryoutarou pays.

I sigh. "Well it was supposed to be a surprise _, you stupid_..."

 _Dammit... It's fine._ _Let him think this was the plan all along. Works out better for me because this actually makes sense._

"Great. Now he knows we were planning a party for Tracksuit," I dramatically sigh.

Ryoutarou still looks lost himself. "Which one was she...?"

 _Oh for crying out loud! The one who always wore a track jacket! I just said it..._

 _Do I know these damn kids better than Ryoutarou...?_

"Whatever. We're now having a party for her. I guess." _Oh this was a dumb idea..._

"Well then, I'll leave it to you two," Ryoutarou smirks and heads for the parking lot laughing like an idiot.

I punch Ryota in the shoulder. "Dammit! You had to... _Aurgh!_ "

"Do you not like Chie _either_?" he groans. "Which do them _do_ you like?"

"None!" I hiss, grabbing the shopping bags while he takes the gigantic sack of rice. "I only like Ryoutarou and Nanako."

"Not even me?" he asks, looking pathetic.

"Oh for fuck—" I sigh loudly. "Sure. You're okay, I guess. Why not?" I brandish my fist at him. "Just wise up or I'll send you back, to dreamland."

Ryota walks quietly for a minute, then asks about other people, _again_. "What about your shadow? You like him too, right? And Kubo? You seem to like him well enough..."

"Ryota—Shut the fuck up," I order and walk more quickly.

Unfortunately, his fucking long legs catch right up with me. We load everything in the trunk while he goes on about how I'm not telling the truth, because I seem to care about Teddie and Kubo. "Stop pretending you're better than us!" he demands after slamming the trunk. "You act like its uncool to care about people—You're such a complete jackass!"

 _Great. Now he's getting worked up..._

"Are you still so afraid to admit you care about people?" he throws out. And because of the yelling, Ryoutarou's getting back out of the car—To come yell at us, I bet. " _Because if you keep everyone at arm's length you're going to end up all fucking alone again!_ "

"Oi, that's _enough_!" Ryoutarou shouts at Ryota. He grabs his arm and steers him to the backseat. Once he sits, still fuming, Ryoutarou slams the door and turns back to me, arms folded. "What the hell was _that_ about?"

"He's... Being an asshole!" I spit, kicking one of the tires. "Thinks he knows more abo—"

"That's enough out of you, too," Ryoutarou sighs and pushes me towards the other side of the car. "We'll sort it out at home. Get in."

The ride back is in uncomfortable silence. We carry everything into the house and Ryoutarou starts making fried rice while I crack eggs, still muttering to myself. Ryota watches from his seat at the kitchen table.

"Which of you is going first?" Ryoutarou demands once the food's all ready. "Because one of you'd better tell me why you looked like you were about ready to rip each others' heads off in the goddamn parking lot!"

Ryota rudely points his spoon at me. "This guy just won't admit he cares about people. It's aggravating!"

"I do!" I growl back. "Just not a _lot_ of people."

" _More than two_ ," Ryota quickly replies.

"What- _ever_!" I throw up my hands and huff.

Ryota makes a mocking noise. "He's a fucking little liar!"

"I—I am not!"

Ryoutarou rubs at his head and sighs. "Does it really matter right now?"

"He acts like everyone—all the people you and Nanako are friendly with—don't matter. He should be grateful that you have such good friends and be nicer to them!"

I shove food into my mouth so I don't explode.

"He's getting there," Ryoutarou defends me.

Ryota snorts. "With that lenient attitude, he'll never buck up and mellow out—Maybe _you've_ mellowed out too much!" he finishes.

Ryoutarou gets a dejected look on his face when he hears that.

"Hey, stop it!" I hiss at Ryota.

"He and I just talked about this—Keep out of it. It's not always about _you_ , Tohru!" he gibes right back. "Just be honest," he pleads with me. "It's not difficult one you start. It just takes practice, like everything else."

I glare and don't say anything back.

So he goes on. "Try it," Ryota barks at me. "Make a statement that you care about someone else," he urges.

Ryoutarou glances over at me expectantly. _I know I'm grimacing..._

"I care about..." I pause and flick my eyes around the room.

 _Teddie is safest. Everyone fucking loves him._

 _But Kubo is a friend I made on my own._

 _Ryota is so similar to Ryoutarou._

"Is he actually breaking out in a sweat?" Ryota leans over to whisper to Ryoutarou. I smack the table and he jumps backwards, his chair clattering a few times.

"I care about Teddie," I haltingly admit.

The other two exchange a glance and then nod at me. "We know," Ryoutarou smiles. "That's why you hugged him."

I groan. "It's my fault he was crying—" I protest, but they've already moved on and are discussing how much Teddie adores me. I make a bunch of aggravated noises and lay down on the couch.

"Oh—Wait a minute," Ryota shouts, getting to his feet. He runs up the stairs and I decide to ignore him.

Ryoutarou comes over to the couch and picks me up under my arms and sits, then rests my upper body back on him. "Don't know why he left in such a hurry," he says to me.

"Who cares," I reply and close my eyes. Ryoutarou sighs and rubs my head.

I'm just drifting off for a quick nap when Ryota stampedes back down the stairs. " _I'm_ not a liar." I open my eyes to see him slam a box of chocopies on the kitchen table. I sit up to get my food and Ryoutarou sighs heavily and pushes me back down.

He rolls his eyes at us. "Alright... You're both being pains." Ryoutarou keeps his hand firmly planted on my chest. "You calm yourself down," he tells me. "And you get on home," he nods to Ryota. "Nanako will be here soon and we have more to discuss tonight."

"What?" I stupidly ask.

Ryoutarou shoots me a look. "The koseki. I want to talk about it so she knows I'm researching what we need to do." I nod quickly, feeling guilty that her and I have already talked it out.

"I wouldn't feel right if we don't discuss it first. It'd be like going behind her back, you know?"

 _Like how we went behind your back?_

 _I'd better text her so she's in the loop..._

But when I reach for my smartphone, Ryoutarou makes an aggravated noise and grabs it away. He angrily tosses it across the room. "I want you to _calm down_."

Ryota takes this opportunity to say goodbye and head back upstairs. "I'll see you Monday," he throws back down.

"Urgh!" I moan and cover my eyes. _Pain in my ass!_

I feel Ryoutarou pat my chest. "We've had a long day. We spoke about a lot of important things... Just— _Rest_."

I huff but stay down. _At least the worst of today is over._

 _I think._


	97. Of Boxes (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty-Two: Of Boxes

(Nanako)

When I arrive home with Teddie, I'm surprised to smell that Dad and Tohru are already cooking.

"We're back," I call out, slipping off my shoes.

"… _Oh_." Dad sighs when we round the corner and he realizes Teddie is here, too.

I frown, glad that my friend doesn't seem to have noticed—Teddie yells "hello" and runs over to the couch, where he takes out a book I just gave him.

"What?" I ask, piqued my father's response. "Is there not enough food?"

"That is..." Dad scowls pensively. "We can make more— _It's not_..." He sighs and shakes his head.

Tohru moves out of Dad's line of sight to try to communicate something by frantically waving his arms around, pantomiming whatever he wants me to know. I squint— _No idea what he's trying to tell me._

Dad turns around when he sees me watching behind him and the other man throws his hands in the air. "I was just telling her what we're having," he slowly enunciates. "It's _oyako_ don—The _parent-and-child_ dish. As in chicken and egg. As in ' _family_ '," he stresses. "As in the people you talk about everything _together_ with, all _at once_. As in—"

"She gets the damn picture," Dad brusquely interrupts, before turning to me. "Okay—Give us a few minutes to make another."

Tohru takes the eggs back out of the fridge and tries to tell me something one more time, but he's honestly not very good at this. Teddie mimics him, acting like it's a game, and then Tohru gets angry and pretends to throw an egg at Teddie. He yelps and turns away while Tohru rudely laughs at him.

" _Hurry up,_ " Dad yells at Tohru. The younger man rolls his eyes and start making a fourth serving.

Tohru dumps the broth mix into the pan and cracks two eggs on top while my dad scoops more rice onto a plate, then stands by the stove, apprehensively watching Tohru.

 _I wonder what's got him in such a bad mood this time?_

As I climb the stairs to put my bag away, I can hear the clanking of dishes and spoons being set. Dad is saying something to Teddie in a low voice— _It doesn't sound negative from the tone. That's better than before, at least._

When I get back downstairs, everything is laid out and the three are sitting in silence. Teddie beams while Dad frowns and Tohru looks bored, like usual.

No one says anything for a while—Not even Teddie, who's usually so talkative.

"Why are we eating so early?" I ask finally manage to ask.

 _And with such a somber attitude. I don't think it could more difficult than yesterday's news..._

"He couldn't sit still~" Tohru smirks, pointing his spoon at Dad, who glares while also appearing flustered.

"Why?" Teddie immediately questions. "Did something bad happen again? Are you sick? Did you—"

Teddie stops speaking when Dad turns his glare on him. Tohru giggles nervously.

 _Something's up._

"What is it?" I probe, shaking my head. "You're starting to worry me..."

Setting down his spoon, Dad sighs. "I'd like to know what you would think of me adding Tohru to our family register."

"Okay," I nod.

 _So that's what Tohru was trying to say before. He probably doesn't want Dad to know we already talked about it._

 _He was worried Dad would feel left out—Like Tohru and I decided something on our own again._

 _Why is family so complicated?_

"So?" my dad diffidently inquires, taking me back to his question. "Would you think about it and let us know? I'm still finding out what I'd need to do, but..." he trails off, his face clouded with worry.

"Yeah—It's a good idea." I nod again and smile encouragingly at Tohru. He looks away and mumbles something none of us can make out.

"J-just like that?" Dad replies, still looking unsure. "You're _fine_ with it?" he asks again, sounding astonished it was that easy.

He glances at Tohru, seeming almost in shock at my answer— _Like he thought I'd be upset._

"I'm fine with it," I slowly reiterate. "It would be weirder if he stays a part of our family and _isn't_ on the koseki."

Tohru looks embarrassed, staring down at his food. He's turning red. Dad nudges him and Tohru thanks me, flicking his eyes up for only a few seconds—Obviously uncomfortable getting too excited. _He's always trying not to get his hopes up._

"Aww~~" Teddie grins—Showing maybe too _much_ enthusiasm. He appears torn between excitement and tears. "That's so beary nice!" He's definitely the _most_ emotional about this, and I have to crack a smile at the one most openly happy.

Tohru grimaces at Teddie's reaction. When Teddie catches him staring, he jumps up to hug Tohru, who holds out his arm to prevent my friend's usual knee-jerk reaction to hug everyone.

" _Scram!_ " Tohru hollers while Teddie fakes him out and instead runs around behind him to latch onto his neck. "Go away, leech!" Tohru hisses, trying to pry his arms loose.

Dad sighs. " _That's_ why I didn't want him here," he mutters, smacking his forehead.

Tohru grunts, still trying to wrestle Teddie off. "You're _choking_ me, Bear!"

"No I'm not!" Teddie shouts right back.

"I like his energy," I remark. "He makes up for our seriousness."

Dad shakes his head, annoyed. "It's a little much," he grumbles.

I can't help smiling, watching the two of them squabble. _I like the atmosphere with so many people around._

"I'll let you know when I have more information," Dad then tells me, all business-like. "I didn't want to go ahead without us talking about it."

I nod. "Thank you."

" _Ah_ —" he intones, looking like he has more to say. Teddie notices and sits back at his seat, paying attention. Dad looks uncomfortable with everyone watching him, so he takes a few more bites of his food before speaking again.

"Tomorrow we're going out in the morning, and then we're going to move more of Tohru's things into my room— _Our_ room. I have—" he stops abruptly, knitting his brows together and looking distressed.

Dad continues slowly. "I have a few things I was saving for you... If you want them..." He trails off so I glance at Tohru, who shrugs, as if to say he has no idea what this is about either. "What things?" I prompt while my dad fidgets with his spoon.

"S-some of your mother's things—That I-I was saving for when you were older—But I—I think you're old enough," he quickly stammers. "I'll show you after we eat if you want. They're just some clothes and jewelry and... _You know—_ Stuff like that."

"I'd like that," I agree, trying to look happy he told me. _Though this falls under the category of 'should've already happened'._

He smiles weakly back at me. "Alright."

When the food is gone, we all help clean and then head upstairs. Tohru goes into his room with Teddie following closely, and I follow my father into his room. I can hear Tohru trying to shut the door on my friend and I giggle a little. Teddie is shrieking that he wants to help Tohru pack up his stuff.

I haven't been in Dad's room in a long time. I've always liked the his traditional paper doors, but they definitely don't make it as quiet as my room or Tohru's with their western-style doors. My father shakes his head as we can still hear the other two bickering.

He opens the top drawer of the dresser, and inside I can see a few sweaters and dresses alongside a box. Dad motions that I can take the stuff out, so I start by examining the clothes.

He rubs the back of his neck. "These were..." He speaks more quietly than usual. "Some of her favorites. I—Couldn't get rid of them. I thought when you were tall enough, you might want them."

"Thank you," I reply, examining each article of clothing before folding and stacking them in a pile on top.

 _I remember some of these. Only a little though; the memories grow more faint with each year. But..._

 _I'm happy he didn't get rid of everything, after all._

Dad reaches inside and pulls out the box when I've finished looking at everything else. He sets it on top and lifts the lid. "She didn't have a lot of jewelry—we were never into flashy things—but you should have it." He frowns deeply, backing away a little more. " _I'm sorry_ —" My dad pauses; his voice seeming to fail him.

I watch as Dad shakes his head, looking pained as he gestures for me to have a look. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to give this all to you."

I nod slowly, stepping forward. There are a few necklaces, pairs of earrings, bracelets, barrettes... _I recognize some of the accessories from pictures._

"Do you want them?" Dad anxiously questions.

"Yes," I affirm, looking at the things that have stayed hidden away all these years.

 _Why didn't he ask me before now?_

 _Why does Dad always hide from things he doesn't want to deal with? It not as if ignoring his problems will make them go away._

I glance over at him curiously, while he studies the floor. I take a deep breath and gather everything up in my arms to carry it all to my own room.

He looks so forlorn—Kind of lost. When he glances up at me, he clears his throat. "I want to let Tohru put his clothes here," he says. I nod, knowing this was partly why he finally gave me everything. "I need to keep going forward. This was the push I needed."

 _I am happy he's trying to move on, but he needs to actually process everything, or he's only going to hurt the rest of us._

 _It's been about ten years—_

 _Never even telling me about the things he was saving... He was still shoving bits of the past into literal boxes._

"Hey—" I grin. "This means that you'll have to let me get my ears pierced," I joke, trying to ease the mood a little.

Dad's attention snaps back to me. "W-what?" he dumbly shakes his head.

"Yeah," I assertively tell him. "If not, I can't wear the earnings."

"I—I guess," he replies, looking a little more alert.

"Okay," I conclude. "Well, I'm going to put everything away with my stuff. Is it alright if Teddie stays over again?"

Dad sighs. "That's what I thought he was angling for. He knows that he doesn't live here, right?"

"Well we're going to have an extra room again," I smirk, challenging him.

"That's—" Dad rolls his eyes. "That's still going to be Tohru's room—Sort of. He should have his own space."

I raise my eyebrows mockingly. "Are you sure it's not because you don't want all of his video games in your room?"

"No," he laughs derisively. "I suppose I don't want _that_ , either."

Then his face turns serious—Like he wants to tell me something important. "You know that he has problems," Dad quietly admits, as if Tohru can hear us all the way down the hall. "It's only be two weeks... I know what I want, and part of that is to make up for lost time, but..."

My dad sighs and rubs his arms. "I don't want him to feel overwhelmed. He should get to have his own place, too. He gets so moody and mean sometimes."

"Is that why you thought I might not want him to be a part of our family?" I interrogate—Annoyed that he thought these things I'm already aware of would change my mind. "Because he's not stable?"

Dad grimaces. "Not _just_ that," he confesses. "There are a lot of reasons why it may not be a great idea..." He folds his arms defensively. "That is a _part_ of it. But—" He points his index finger at me. "First and foremost, you should feel comfortable in your own home."

"I do."

He nods. "Yes. I know you two get along well— _Mostly_." He frowns and looks like he's going to mention the other day when I chewed Tohru out. But Dad only sighs and lets it go.

 _Huh._

 _...He's going to let it go? That's new._

"If you have a problem, please come to me," he says instead of addressing the specific issue we had.

"I can sort out my own problems with others," I carefully reply.

"No," he grunts. "I mean that you..." He glowers at the floor for a minute and shakes his head. "I know all this can't be _easy_ for you—It's been a mess in town. We all have to be on the same page, so tell me if something is wrong."

I meet his gaze. "Alright."

"Good," Dad says, looking a little relieved. " _Ah_ —Make sure you tell me if Tohru starts acting off, too. You should know that if there's a real problem—If it's not something supernatural, like if he won't calm down, I have a list of numbers we can call."

"I've made you a copy and left it in the address book." Dad sighs. "There are doctors and other aftercare services on call, and you can put them in your phone." He locks eyes with me. "It's _important_ that you know that. I promise this isn't going to be some free-for-all like the past two weeks."

 _I really doubt that..._

But I smile encouragingly anyhow. "Okay. He seems to want to get along, and I know he's taking his medicine. I think we'll be alright."

"Good—Thanks," Dad nods curtly. "I haven't explicitly told him about the list, so keep it between us. I don't expect there to be something I can't handle."

 _That's awfully optimistic._

 _If that were true, you wouldn't have been stabbed or started drinking again._

I chew on the inside of my cheek. "All right. I'll keep it in mind."

"Thank you," my dad says as I leave the room.

After putting everything away, I walk to Tohru's room to find Teddie. When I open the door, I see that Tohru is attempting to organize his things while Teddie chatters away from the couch.

"Nana!" Teddie waves me over. I sidestep a pile of books and a few expensive-looking figures to join Teddie. "Look! He has Pokémon plushes!" Teddie grabs a large umbreon off the pile of stuffed animals and holds it up. "This is _his_ favorite!"

Tohru groans and snatches it away. " _Don't. Touch. My. Stuff!_ " he loudly scolds.

"He couldn't find the espeon," Teddie sadly states, paying Tohru no mind.

"It's in here _somewhere_ ," Tohru grumbles. "I have _all_ of the eeveeloutions from the first three gens. I won them in Tokyo," he proudly tells us.

"He says he's _really good_ at catcher games!" Teddie innocently beams. "Espeon is _my_ favorite—Isn't that cool? They're a good team!" He nods a bunch of times, explaining more about the pair of Pokémon. "I hope he can find it... If he leaves it in here, I won't have to sleep alone!"

Teddie eagerly watches Tohru move around the suddenly cramped space. I can hear Tohru swear under his breath at Teddie— _I doubt he's actually lost it._

I look around at the chaos. _In two weeks he's really made quite the mess._

 _There are games and books and uneaten snacks and figures and even weapons all over the place... Not to mention the laundry that's been left on top of the dresser. I can't tell if it's clean or dirty, the way it's all balled up instead of folded._

"Do you need some help?" I ask, concerned that this could take hours.

"No," he grunts. "I've got this..." I watch as he pulls some volumes of manga out of a cardboard box. I can see a few more full boxes in the closet that I hadn't noticed before.

"Tohru-jisan," I gasp, just now realizing the obvious. "Have you _not unpacked_?"

His eyes go wide. " _N-n-no!_ " he stutters, giving me a black look and upending the box so the books fall into a pile on the futon. "I just _liked_ where you and Ryou put everything—It was simpler in boxes!" he protests. Teddie laughs and Tohru takes off a sandal and throws it at him. "I—I didn't wanna have to unpack _twice_..." he continues to object, turning red like at dinner when he realizes what that implies.

I try to hide my laughter behind my hand. "Are you saying you _knew_ you wouldn't be staying in here for long?" I tease.

"No!" Tohru replies, vigorously scratching his head. "I-it was all just t-too much of a pain... _That's_ it!" He smirks triumphantly, putting the books back in order by series.

"Right," I agree, deadpan. "But you do need to clear a places for Teddie to sleep."

"Yeah," Tohru grunts, starting to move the figures to the bookshelf and the weapons to the drawers of the now-empty dresser. Then he fills a laundry basket with handheld games, books, and plushes.

"I'm going," Tohru stubbornly announces, grabbing a suspiciously lumpy sweatshirt from on top of the dresser and stuffing it under his armpit. He hefts the heavy-looking basket under the other arm and drags the rolling suitcase with his free hand. "Ryou says we're doing the clothes tomorrow."

 _I can see one pointy, purple ear poking out of the messily-folded sweatshirt._

I know I have a smug look on my face. _He lost the espeon, did he?_

Tohru quickly adjusts the sweatshirt when he catches me staring. I raise my eyebrows but don't say anything. "G'night," he begrudgingly says to us.

"Good night," I call after him while Teddie's already up and pacing the room to examine all of Tohru's other possessions that have been taken out of different boxes—

 _All of the things that are now out in the open._


	98. Is he empty on the inside? (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty-Three: Is he empty on the inside?

(Teddie)

Once Tohru's gone, we sit and talk about the book Nana gave me, then we turn on the television. But nothing good is on, so we simply talk and poke fun at a variety show for a while.

When Nanako checks her watch, she says it's already almost nine. I usually just shower in the morning, but she wants to bathe before bed.

"I'll be back soon," Nanako tells me and shuffles off to her room.

 _I've already looked at everything new._

 _Tohru took all the portable games. And the consoles won't turn on—I think he took some of the parts..._

 _The manga is mostly gone, too._

 _I don't just wanna sit here by myself! Why's he gotta be like that?!_

 _Nnnn! I'll show him~_

I stand up and walk— _okay maybe I run_ —down the hall. I know Tohru and Dojima are still up. Or at least Tohru is, cause I can hear the noise from game he's playing.

I slide the door open and hear Dojima yelp. "Oi! _Knock_!" he shouts at me.

I wince, but then open my eyes. Now he's sighing in aggravation while he smokes a cigarette leaning out the balcony.

Tohru laughs at me, even though _he's_ the one who looks funny. He's laying on the futon naked playing with his Vita. "Don't you know what doors mean?" he scoffs. "Even _I_ know to knock! Now close the damn thing so I don't scar Nanako for life."

I do close it behind me, and then I sit on the futon right next to Tohru. "Why are you naked?"

"Cause this is how I sleep," Tohru says really sarcastically, like he's explaining something to a child.

"He meant to close it with you on the other side, kid," Dojima mutters. He's wearing clothes, and I think he's been smoking a lot. The air's thick even though the outside door was open. He walks over and sits down with us. He takes out another cigarette and uses Tohru's lighter on it.

I look between them. "Should _I_ sleep naked?" I ask.

"Not in _my_ bed!" Tohru snarls, kicking me.

Dojima lightly smacks the back of his head. " _This_ is your bed now."

"But—" Tohru begins, but then stops when Dojima rolls his eyes.

Dojima pokes Tohru in the side and Tohru does that thing where he hisses. Dojima blows smoke in Tohru's face. "You only get _one_." Then he turns to me. "And you _don't_ do that here," he instructs. "Only at your own home, on your own time—In fact you should start sleeping there again."

Dojima sees me processing that and sighs. "Tohru can sleep naked because this is his home and his room."

"Then what's the other room?" I question, ignoring that he said to stay at home.

" _Also_ my room," Tohru smirks.

"We're not leaving that futon out forever," Dojima warns. "If you're officially living in here, that room will become— _Ugh_ ," he pauses. "I guess it'll become more of a game room. Never thought I'd have a room for TV games in my house..."

"But you also never thought you'd get to go _inside_ of a TV, did you?" Tohru smartly replies, grinning.

Dojima shakes his head and sighs out more smoke. Tohru makes an annoyed noise and flaps his hand to make the smoke dissipate a little.

"And don't forget the figures and plushes and CDs and manga and everything~" I list.

"Yup!" Tohru agrees, kicking his feet in the air.

"What am I doing with my life?" Dojima loudly grumbles, but doesn't appear particularly upset. In fact, he's looking on adoringly, the way Kanji watches at videos of little animals. Or how Nanako looks at me.

 _It's cute, and—_

 _And something is starting to click—_

 _They're always together. A few days ago Tohru said they're more than best friends. Tohru is gonna be an official part of their family._

I look down at the futon and how Tohru's lying down across the whole thing like it's all his. _They sleep in the same futon._

 _Oh, and they live together, obviously._

After he puts out his current cigarette, Dojima reaches for the pack and lighter again, but Tohru groans and knocks his hand away. "You've had like half the pack! You're gonna smell _so bad_..."

Dojima frowns at him and Tohru snickers like he's made a joke. Then he sits up, cross-legged, and sets down his Vita. Tohru grabs the lighter and opens the top. He runs his hand over where the fire spurts up and it turns on like magic. He flicks his eyes to meet mine, and I can see him suppressing a laugh.

I gasp when he snaps it shut, which makes Tohru grin widely. He holds out the closed lighter between the two of us. "Watch," he commands me.

Tohru moves his fingers so fast I can't tell when the lighter opens and closes—Can only hear the clicks and see the flame jump between his fingers. I've never seen anything like this!

"Don't blink now~" Tohru says in a singsong voice. He spins it through the air, so the fire dances different shapes and patterns. I keep my eyes on the little light.

"Woooow~~" I cheer when he finally closes his fist with the lighter inside.

He tosses the lighter behind himself and I clap. Seeing he still has an audience, Tohru dramatically bows.

"Can't get enough attention, huh?" Dojima teases, laughing. He grabs Tohru in a headlock and rubs his head.

"D-dammit!" Tohru whines, but he's giggling, too.

Watching them interact like this—joking and play-fighting and being nice to each other—the rest of the pieces suddenly fall in place.

 _Always paying attention to how the other is feeling. Always looking out for each other. Always touching each other._

"Are you in love?" I blurt.

The two men freeze, and then exchange a glance. _The looks they shoot between them feel more like an argument this time._

"He's _mine_ and—" Tohru rushes to declare.

Dojima sighs and moves his hand from Tohru's head to grab one of his arms and pin it behind his back. Tohru glares, but Dojima isn't finished. He uses the leverage from the arm to bend Tohru so I can't see his face. "That's enough," Dojima reprimands. "Don't _poison_ the kid..."

Tohru mutters something but I can't make it out. Dojima rolls his eyes and leans on Tohru's arm until he grunts.

Satisfied Tohru's done talking, Dojima turns back to me. "Simply put: yes. We are in love. I love Tohru, and while he can call it whatever he wants, I know the little jackass loves me too."

Dojima lets go of Tohru and he springs back to sitting. "And I'm his," he finishes his previous sentence, sneering at Dojima over his shoulder. "I still don't believe in love."

Tohru flinches when Dojima closes his eyes for minute and pinches the bridge of his nose, looking really aggravated. "But," Tohru adds more quietly. "We're in a committed relationship." He flicks his gaze to Dojima again, who's shaking his head.

" _I'd do anything for him,_ " Tohru mumbles, turning his eyes down to the futon. "And I like..." His voice get so soft that I can't make out all the words anymore. "Thinks... Loves me..."

Dojima stares at Tohru super fondly. "So?" Dojima tells me. "It's complicated, but yes." Tohru doesn't interrupt, so Dojima asks if that answers my question.

"I love Nanako," I tell them.

"We know," Tohru replies, grumbly. " _All of Inaba knows_."

I nod. "Good! _Everyone_ should know!" I pause, watching them again. "Why don't _you_ tell everybody? I didn't know because you don't always act like you're in love."

Tohru sighs disgustedly and Dojima puts a hand on his shoulder. " _Bear_ ," Tohru spits, sounding angry. "Where were you the past five years? Did you _forget_ that I was in prison for a double homicide?" He stops for a breath and Dojima decides to grab his other shoulder and drags the smaller man closer.

Tohru seethes, still not speaking. "Hey, c'mon," Dojima says to him in a way I can tell is supposed to calm Tohru down. But he's turning redder and angrier still— _If that's even possible._ Dojima sighs and wraps his arms around Tohru, linking his hands together and leaning his head backwards like he's bracing himself.

"Why are you so damn _dumb_?!" Tohru shouts, trying to jump to his feet. He can't, but it doesn't phase him. Tohru's eyes look kind of scary, and I don't think he even realizes that Dojima is holding him back. "Or are you just playing stupid?!" He tries to lunge at me again and again as he continues to rant.

"It's not acceptable for anybody to be in love with me—And he's a _cop_! We were _partners_! I screwed him over so good—You expect people to just _accept_ that now we're together and _be cool_ with it?!"

 _I forgot they were talking about the other people at the police station..._

I hug my arms together, feeling bad. _I'm not dumb, but maybe I shouldn't have said anything._

Dojima's straining to hang onto Tohru. "Why don't we all call it a night?" He tersely interjects when Tohru stops to catch his breath again.

" _Nooo!_ You wouldn't know, would you? Everyone _always_ loves Teddie, the _happy little idiot who's kind to everyone_ —"

"G'night," I squeak and rush for the door.

" _Nothing like me—S_ ee?!" Tohru yells after me. " _This_ is how I am! _Nobody should love me!_ "

I close the door, but stay behind it for a few minutes. I hear Tohru going on about how he doesn't deserve anything we all give him—How we'd all be better off if he died or suffered in jail forever.

 _That's not true..._

Dojima is shushing him and speaking in a soothing voice. He keeps telling Tohru to stop saying these awful things, that they make him really sad.

 _He really thinks all that? Do we make him feel like that?_

 _...Do I?_

 _Do I make him feel bad too?_

 _I always like to point out how we're similar, but is that making things worse?_

 _'Nothing like me', he said. 'Nobody should love me'._

 _That sounds so lonely that I don't even wanna think about it!_

I listen again and realize that Tohru's stopped shrieking and started crying. It quickly changes to a quieter, whimpery sobbing—I can tell it's the kind where you're all worn out so it's mostly just uncontrollable shaking.

All of a sudden, I feel my hands being tugged on. I didn't realize I had wound my fingers through my hair and was gripping my head. I don't know how much of everything she heard, but Nanako holds a finger to her lips and motions to follow her.

She pulls me into her room and shuts the door. "Sorry," she apologizes, tucking her wet hair behind her ears. "It sounded like he was starting to get ahold of himself." She sits on her bed, leaning against the wall. "Didn't want to jinx it..."

Nana pats the spot next to her and I climb up ant sit, too. "Are you alright?" she questions, putting her arm around me.

I scratch the back of my head. "I think so..."

"What happened?"

"He doesn't think anyone loves him," I say, and it sounds whiny.

Nanako nods. "I know. It's not true, though."

My face scrunches up. "It sounds so unbearably lonely to think that, even if it's not true."

"I know," she says again. "It's not going to get better overnight. We just have to keep being kind and showing him we care, right?"

"Yeah... I guess..." I look over at Nanako. "There isn't a quicker way?"

"Nn-nn," she shakes her head. "Love takes time, and he really doesn't understand it at all—Or want to admit that he deserves it as much as anyone else."

Nana looks at me and sighs. "I don't know all the ins and outs, but..." She hesitates. "But there's something about Tohru-jisan where he understand a lot of feelings. That's not going to get better so quickly."

She grimaces and I know she's thinking ' _maybe not ever_ '. "We'll just have to be extra-patient with him."

"I don't get it," I tell her.

"I know," Nanako replies. Then she takes her phone out and starts to type.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, felling worn-out and sleepy.

"No," she says. "Don't worry." After half a minute she clicks it off and tosses it by her pillow. "Are you okay to go to sleep?"

I nod and get to my feet. "Have a good sleep," I mumble and hug her before heading for the door.

"You too," Nana replies and I can hear the warm smile in her voice. "If you need me, come get me."

 _I'll be fine._ I wave to her and shut the door behind myself.

 _I wish he knew we're not real opposites. I wish he understood that we see the bad parts and the good. They're both in there—That's what it means to be a person._

 _He wants us to remember only the bad, but there's more. I keep seeing it—The others see it. And then he hides it away again._

"You can tell me. Let me understand..."

"I wanna help."


	99. Back on Track (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty-Four: Back on Track

(Ryoutarou)

Once Teddie leaves, Tohru rants and raves for another few minutes. I keep hanging onto him cause he's acting—kind of—maybe more than 'kind of'—deranged.

 _More of the same crap being rehashed because Teddie unwittingly made him feel inadequate. Not that it's particularly difficult._

I sigh and try talking sense into him again, but no go.

 _Truly—That kid is too sweet and innocent. It really drives Tohru bonkers..._

When the hollering finally abates to screeching, I loosen my grip to more of a hug. And when the crying starts, I know the worst is over. Tohru finally prizes me off and pushes himself away from me to scrunch up with his hands over his head.

"No," I softly groan, lying down next to him. I pull until he's rolled over and facing me. I hold him while he continues to shake, still intermittently claiming that he's shit.

"Let's go to sleep," I gently tell Tohru. _There isn't much else I can say or he'll get worked up again._

 _I think this is the worst it's been—Well for this specific topic. There have been a few times he's lashed out at other people. But he's never tried to be violent with Teddie._

 _He isn't the nicest to the kid, but he treats him better than, say Kanji or Ryota. How long—_

 _How long was he keeping it a secret that kid was his shadow?_

"...shit..." he's still saying. "...turns to...shit..."

I grit my teeth and tell him to stop it—

 _I hate this. I hate it!_

 _I hate that it's gotten this bad—That he keeps saying he really feels this way. I don't know what else I can do besides keep showing him that he's worth it._

I pat Tohru with my hand. "You'll feel better in the morning."

 _And I hope I'll feel better in the morning._

When he still doesn't cooperate at all—not even to stop clutching his head—I roll over again and drag him on top of me like that night at the ryokan. He doesn't object, so I go as far as to slide his legs between mine. I cross my arms over him and try to relax a little, knowing this way if he gets up I'll notice.

Somewhere along the line I must have fallen asleep, because I'm jolted awake by his sleep-crying again. It's just the whining for now, but I'm starting to be conditioned to wake up when it happens. _It sets me on edge._

 _How long does something like this last?_

 _At least he doesn't scream like he did when we first started sleeping in the same bed. That got gradually better, until..._

I groan aloud. It got better up until October. _Which I suppose is when things started going downhill for him._

Then it ramped up until he wasn't sleeping at all, by the end. I would go to bed and he'd be laying down silently watching me. Then I'd wake up and he'd be somewhere else in the room, rushing over when he noticed I was up. It was a little annoying at the time—I like being the first person awake—but I didn't think much of it.

 _Back then I certainly didn't think it was because he simply wasn't sleeping._

I hadn't thought out that I wouldn't easily be able to move, sleeping like this. _I'd like to know what time it is. Sun's nowhere near up. I'm hazarding maybe three or four?_

 _Definitely didn't fall asleep until at least one. He's quiet, and I don't want to get up too early..._

Fumbling above my head on the floor, I finally manage to grab Tohru's phone. I know the basics— _This button should turn it on._

I press the button and see I was right. _It's quarter-to-four—_

 _And there's an email:_

 **From: Hisa yankiisuwarigecko**

 **To: Izanagi dirtydeka**

 **Re: no your handle is not funny**

After catching that little bit, I realize too late that I never want to be that person who reads people's emails. _Thankfully, I wouldn't know his password even if I did think I want a look. As long as it's nothing illeg—_

 _Alright. I'll ask in the morning..._

 _He's never mentioned 'Hisa' before. And it says 'yanki'._

 _He doesn't mention anyone, really. But that's beside the point._

Tossing the thing behind me, I try to sleep again.

The next time I wake up, he's doing that disconcerting thing with the staring again, like I was remembering in the middle of the night. Tohru's eyes look tired, like he didn't sleep at all even though I know he did. _But it wasn't restful._

"Mornin'," Tohru tells me.

"Hey," I yawn. "Feel any better?"

He nods and rolls off of me so I can sit. I reach for my cigarettes and he picks up the lighter, sighing, and flicks it on for me. "First thing?" Tohru questions.

"You got a better idea?" I mumble around the paper stick.

I see Tohru shake his head and toss the lighter away. He picks up his cell phone and checks the time. "Oh," he gasps. "Hey—I got a reply." He mutters something under his breath and types away quickly.

"What is it?" I cautiously ask. "I—I saw the subject line last night. I was checking the time, and—"

Tohru snorts and cuts me off. "Snooping?" he sneers, and I feel a spike of worry until he bursts out laughing. "Kidding! You didn't open it, and I wouldn't care anyways... He's a friend from Tokyo. We'll be visiting on our way to Narita—Just so you know. He has some stuff that _is legal_ and helpful."

I don't answer right away and Tohru huffs and throws the phone onto the mattress. "W-what?" he spits, narrowing his eyes.

I sigh out smoke. "I didn't say anything," I manage. "Why're you..."

 _Why are you so defensive?_

Narrowing his eyes but trying to play it off, Tohru laughs a little too high. "Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page~"

"Is it something that has to do with personas?" I try, attempting to get him back on track and less touchy.

"Sort of," he cryptically replies.

He doesn't divulge anything else, so I finish the cigarette in silence. "Well if you want to tell me, I'll listen. If not, that's alright, too. As long as it's nothing that'll land us in trouble."

I stand and stretch before changing into shorts and a tank top. "Get dressed. Let's go for a run."

Tohru groans loudly and lays down on the futon again. "Nuh-uh," I tell him. "Let's work off some of you excess energy." I root around for an extra pair of shorts and a tee-shirt. "Here," I toss the clothes to him, along with a pair of socks. " _Don't_ wake the poor kid. Let's go."

I hear him mutter something else when he stands to pull the clothes on.

" _What?_ " I demand. "Something you want to share?"

He pulls the ties on the shorts so much I wince. Tohru sighs dramatically. "I _said_ I like you in tank tops. They look good on you."

"O-oh." I scratch my face. "I ah—I like it when you wear work clothes. You look like you're in charge."

He "hmmph"s me. "I'm _always_ in charge~" Tohru then scoffs

I raise an eyebrow. "Don't push it."

Tohru laughs a little more normally as we head downstairs.

#

When we return, it's still only six-thirty. Nanako is awake—I can hear her walking around in her room, but she stays in there.

We shower and change. I creep into Tohru's room to grab more of his clothes; I'd rather he not wake Teddie.

 _I want their next interaction to be positive._

I carry a short-sleeve button-down and shorts into our room and pass them to Tohru. He grumbles while he gets dressed and I have to chuckle. "You alright?" I ask him.

"Yessir!" he jeers. "The performing monkey is ready to be lead around town~"

"We're staying here," is my clipped response.

Tohru balks. "Huh?" He looks surprised. "I thought this was the day you're making me go with you to the cemetery. I was trying to get myself mentally ready all morning for this."

I roll my eyes. "Let's postpone until you're feeling better."

He glares defensively. "I'm not feeling _not_ -better."

"Today is going to be difficult enough as it is," I try.

"Today is going to be a shitshow and we all know it. I'm _fine_ ," he insists, circling around behind me. "I'll be fine all day."

"Yeah," I quip. "Because last night—"

Tohru cuts me off and pushes me to the door. "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready to go. I _told_ you I'd do this today, okay? Then when we come back we'll finish moving my stuff over all happy-happy. Now move," he commands.

 _I'm not sure—_

But he's already shoved me out the door. "Don't wake the kid," I tell the closed door.

"I _won't_ ," he grumbles, and I can hear him rummaging around through his stuff.


	100. Chanto (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty-Two: Chanto

(Tohru)

On this morning's deathmarch, all I'm able to think about are the emails.

For starters, I didn't even think Hisa would respond. I thought I was out a supplier. And then I had to get all paranoid thinking Ryoutarou would just know—

That he'd figure out in five seconds flat that we were—

Well it wasn't really much of a 'relationship'. We only ever met up at the shop. It was maybe a year or so until that one time his brat came by and he was practically shitting himself and called it off. After that, I still got my guns, but that was all I got.

Then when he heard I was to be shipped off for shooting someone... He gave me a parting gift and said it'd be better if we didn't speak.

So I kept my word. Until I realized I need to up my game, that is. I'm sure he knows all about my ex-con status, but for some reason he's still biting.

Now the second email could be more of a real, pressing problem. It's from someone simply calling themselves 'Niichan', which I find highly suspicious.

And all it says is to make sure I help someone who needs it. That someone useful to me will be crossing my path today. That I'll "quickly regret not seizing the opportunity".

I find it very disturbing that someone found my new handle so quickly, and that they're comfortable making threatening statements like that.

The worst part is that I have no clue who the sender is. I forward it to Mitsuo without replying to the original. Maybe he can figure it out...

After I've kicked Ryoutarou out of the bedroom with the promise that I won't bother Teddie, I search for that goddamn espeon. I need some sort of peace offering and he really wanted to play with the damn thing. He'll probably be satisfied even with the condition that he has to keep it here.

So I attach a note it: 'LEAVE AT DOJIMA HOUSE'. I put it in front on my closed door, jumping when I hear Nanako's open from behind me.

"Hey Tohru-jisan," she greets me.

"H-hi," I reply, unsure if she's angry with me.

Nanako smiles a little. "Are you trying to make up with him?"

"N—" I instinctively start to tell her 'no', but stop myself. "Yes," I glumly admit.

"Good," she nods. "He'll like that."

I rub my head, feeling anxious. "C-could you make sure he's up before we get back?" I practically beg.

She nods. "Not a problem," Nanako tells me. "I'll give him a little time to process this."

I nod back and head downstairs. Ryoutarou asks me one more time if I'm sure I want to go today. I tell him off and get in the car. I know we're not gonna move forward again until he makes whatever sliver of peace he thinks he'll get out of this.

"It's almost Obon," he says during the drive. "We should make sure it looks respectable..."

I wonder when he last visited. Part of me wonders if I'll always feel like I'm a poor replacement for the perfect wife.

But another part of me has felt more comfortable in my own role of—

Okay I don't know what my role can be called, but it's definitely different that 'perfect' or 'wife'.

I laugh to myself and Ryoutarou looks at me funny. I stick my tongue out. He rolls his eyes and turns back to the road.

When we arrive, I tell Ryoutarou to go into the office on his own. The last thing we need is one more gossiper.

He comes out weighed down with what we'll need for tidying up. He doesn't ask me to carry anything, simply walks ahead to lead the way to his family grave.

Aaaand it's a mess...

I gawk while Ryoutarou sets everything down neatly. I guess it has been a while.

I don't know what I expected. He couldn't have been spending all his time here, what with his frequent visits to see me.

I find this reassuring and I think I'm an asshole.

"It'll go quicker if you help," he smirks at me, holding out a paper bag.

I sigh and step forward to start pulling up weeds. He slowly scrubs the stone in silence.

"I've been forced to face my own mortality lately, what with being stabbed. All my years on the force... Never injured on the job, but stabbed on my day off instead." He pauses ad says the next part very deliberately. "This'll be yours too, you know."

I shoot Ryoutarou a sideways glance. He keeps working, not bothering to look over at me—Probably knows I'm burning a hole through his back.

"You don't have a family, right? If you're on my register, I expect you'll rest here, too."

I frown. "That's stupid."

"You want Nanako to have to hold onto your ashes forever?" he sarcastically gibes.

"No..."

Ryoutarou turns to me. "Then you'll come here. With the rest of us."

"I want my name next to yours," I tell him—Conceding only a little.

He snorts. "I'll go second anyhow. Put mine in the middle."

"Fine," I answer.

I would like to know I have somewhere to go. Don't know where the others even are.

"Good. I'll be back," Ryoutarou says, scooping up the first bucket of gravel to wash it at the spigot. He's got a glint in his eye that I don't care for.

"Dojima Tohru," he murmurs for the first time as he walks by and I know I start smiling despite the feeling that I need to seem annoyed.

I haven't agreed yet.

To any of it.

Have I?

Once we've finished, Ryoutarou steps back nods to himself. He takes my hand, but I wriggle free and fold my arms.

"It's fine," Ryoutarou pleads, now moving behind me. I glare suspiciously. "There isn't anyone else here. It's a sunny Sunday morning. Regular people have better things to do than visit their graves at this time of day."

I roll my eyes but stay put. Ryoutarou wraps his arms around me and sighs. He leans his forehead on the back of my head. He doesn't say anything else and we stand there for a while.

And by the way he's shaking I know that today he's crying. Silent sobs wrack his body as he lets it out.

I grip his arms and let him have his private moment. I know he needs it.

"Cards on the table—" he quietly says to the back of my head. "I have one more thing to ask of you. But it's extremely selfish." I sit quietly and wait to see what Ryoutarou wants.

"After I'm gone," he exhales. "You can obviously do as you like. But please don't move yourself off my koseki. Or at least keep my name. I want to know you'll be with me—You know... Forever."

I laugh derisively and he sighs. "I know it's childish of me," he relents. "But I wanted to know your answer."

"I can do that."

Don't know why you'd want that but whatever.

It's maybe what I want, too.

Now the grave and plot are clean and neat and Ryoutarou's done being emotional. He lights a sick of incense and kneels, bowing his head. He brings his hands together in silent prayer. I watch from a little behind him, not wanting to intrude on his moment with his deceased wife.

I scratch my head. What am I supposed to do?

I don't copy him—don't have the nerve—though I do fold my hands at my waist. I can be respectful.

I feel my thoughts drift off as I try talking to this person I only know through others' memories. It's weird, but that's the new normal.

I've never met you and never can, so I only know what people tell me—Which are all good things. As if you were literally an angel. Just the best, most big-hearted person.

You're the one who first chipped away at Ryoutarou's loneliness and made him want to love people. You're Nanako's mother, who still guides many of her ideals.

You sound like the perfect person who didn't have a single bad bone in her body—Like someone who isn't petty like me.

But if I were you, I probably wouldn't like me. Not at all.

I'd resent me. I'd be bitter and angry that there's this terribly bad fit who's now the third in my family, while I was stuck watching everything play out from far away.

Because I know I've screwed up so badly. I almost got both of your most precious people killed. I was a terrible person.

Last night I made the better version of myself cry again. I hate what's literally my better self.

And this is so fucking shitty of me—

But I hope and wish you don't resent me. That you don't hate me and curse me from up in Nanako's pure little version of heaven.

I hope that, and I'm horrible for having those feelings. They're cowardly and self-serving.

Because when it comes down to the truth: over the years I've definitely I've resented you.

There's no way I could ever live up to their image of you, and for a long time that bothered me very much. Your memory makes me feel inadequate—Inferior.

I'm a naturally jealous person—Something I know deep down that I need to try to correct. It shouldn't be like that. You're the one who made Ryoutarou and Nanako a family.

You had a huge hand in making them the people they are today.

So while I'll always be somewhat envious that you shaped these people into the ones I care about so much, I'll never be you. And I'm starting to realize that I don't have to.

I am not a replacement—I'm not a mother or a wife. I'm not even a father. I'm just 'Tohru'. And I'm 'jisan'.

I have my own place in this family—Distinct from yours.

Our roles can coexist because they're not the same.

There isn't much I can do, but I'm trying. I'm doing my best to care about and protect Ryoutarou and Nanako. I'm working to help them build themselves into better people—

Like finally cutting off the liquor, even though that was hard for me. It's completely underhanded, but his drinking is the only way I thought I could get Ryoutarou to open up and realize that he could have feelings for me.

I liked him so, so much it drove me nuts. I needed someone. If you can see everything, then you know about the murders. You know it was out of spite because people wouldn't give me a chance. When people I perceived to be loose even found me so repulsive, I couldn't begin to trust that someone so seemingly heteronormative would ever consider being with me sober.

That was wrong. I know now that it can't be how you build a relationship. It's not real trust. And I learned pretty damn quick that he wouldn't fool around with someone he didn't have feelings for.

I felt guilty he said he loved me, you should know.

But I also felt powerful; like I had something no one else did. Like there was something that could fix me and make me stronger.

But it's not about 'fixing'. It's about 'growing'.

And I'm trying to slowly fill the holes in his relationship with Nanako. She doesn't trust him, and he doesn't act like a real parent. I bet that makes you as angry as me and Kanji. I promise to keep building bridges between them. I promise to keep making them talk things out. To keep helping them better understand each other.

And...

I'm truly sorry that my selfishness almost got them both killed. That I couldn't control the asshole I am on the inside.

So please—

I have no idea what you think of me... But if you're out there, and you're listening...

Please watch over Ryoutarou and Nanako. I know they both love you and miss you very much.

And if you're really as big-hearted as I've heard, then please watch over me too. Because I will continue to do my best—I know I don't always get it right, but I'll keep on trying—so please help me be the person they need. Someone who helps them have happy lives.

I open my eyes to realize Ryoutarou has finished and is standing next to me. "Drifting off?" he jokes.

"Something like that," I mumble.

We collect everything from the office and return it. Then he grabs my hand as we amble back to the car.

"I love you," he easily tells me as we walk along.

"I'm yours," I testily reply.

He laughs loudly for a minute. "Pretty soon you will be~" he sings and I can feel my face getting hot.

"Dojima Tohru." He says it again—this time so seriously—before snickering a little. "Get used to it." And I'm happy he's walking a little in front of me, because I am one-thousand percent certain that I'm blushing like I have a sunburn.

I like that.

I want that.

I feel myself smiling despite the fact that those are scary feelings. Because today they seem a little less like an omen of failure.


	101. Complements (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty-Six: Complements

(Teddie)

I wake up and it's quiet.

 _Much quieter than last night. I wonder if anybody is even home!_

Sun is coming in through the window, making little fluttery patterns on the floor around me. _It looks like a nice day out. I wonder if everyone else will be happier?_

After I stand, I drag the pieces of the futon back to where they belong so it'll look nice and neat. I open the door to go to the bathroom and trip over something soft.

 _It's—!_

I pick up the espeon and smile. There's a note that says I have to let him sleep here, but I don't care. _He can sleep in my futon!_

 _Well, I guess it belongs to Tohru still, but..._

 _No—It's mine. Dojima told Tohru he only gets one, so I think they should let this one be mine. I should be a more confident bear!_

I carry the espeon and note into the bedroom and set them on the futon before going to shower and brush my teeth. They said I could meet Nanako's grandmother, so I get to stay for a while.

 _And I think the espeon is probably Tohru's way of apologizing. I'll have to see when I can find someone else._

 _I hope we're okay. I just—_

 _I wanted to know what it's like to be him. I wanted to understand why he does the things he does._

 _I don't get why he would ever want to hide his feelings. It's so nice to have someone care about you like that._

Dressed and feeling fresh from hibernation, I zoom downstairs. "Good morning," Nanako calls to me from the couch. She has the door open and a nice breeze drifts in.

I grin at her and eat the food she's left out for me. Then I was the dishes while she pours me coffee in my new mug. She gets herself another cup too, and carries them outside. I follow and sit with her on the step.

"You saw the stuffed animal?" she asks me.

I nod. "Does that mean he isn't angry anymore?"

" _It doesn't matter if he's still angry_ —He shouldn't have yelled at you like that," Nanako sighs. "He should apologize when he gets home. Tohru-jisan _knows_ he shouldn't react like that, no matter what happens. That's how bad things happen."

She peers over at me as we drink our coffee. "So?" she quietly asks. "Can you tell me?"

"I asked why they don't act like they love each other."

" _Ouch_ ," Nanako winces. "That's a real sore spot for both of them."

"I don't get it!" I whine. "Why?!"

Nanako frowns. She takes a few more sips before she tries to explain it all to me.

"Let's start with Tohru-jisan because he's simpler," Nanako says. "For him, it seems to boil down to the fact that he doesn't think we should love him. Or that anybody should. I don't know _why_ , but that's what he says..."

I drink a few more gulps of coffee while she goes on. I try to pay attention, although my thoughts are already wandering back to all the things I _don't know_.

"It's a little more complicated with Dad." Nanako swirls the dark liquid around in her cup. "He used to be so... I don't know if the word I want is 'embarrassed' or 'guilty' or somewhere in between."

" _But why?!_ " I practically yell, my frustration taking over for a second.

 _Why are they like that? It doesn't make sense!_

Nanako smiles sadly. "I've already said he's more complicated, right?" I nod. "I think at first— _before_ —he was worried cause of a lot of things. I didn't understand all of them at the time, but he was insecure for sure—Worried how people would look at him for moving on from Mom, and for being with a man when he was married and had and kid. I think those are the main reasons why he didn't say anything before, even to me—Maybe because he didn't know what _I'd_ think, either."

"I didn't get why it mattered when I was younger, but now when I hear people talking, and some of the things they say..." Nana sighs. "I know it's even worse because of what Tohru-jisan did, but I don't think it would've been too different if we never had the murders here."

Nana's forehead creases as she figures out how to tell me what she's thinking. "If there wasn't a big hubbub, those other things would have been strange enough for the people here, who thought they knew Dad one way." She sets her empty mug on the porch behind us and folds her hands. "The only reason he's changed a little is because he could see how much it was hurting Tohru, after he moved in. Dad can be dense."

I giggle, but stop myself when I realize Nanako is frowning. "I'm used to him hiding his feelings, but I think before it really did upset Tohru-jisan. Do _you_ think—" She turns to face me and I can tell something's really troubling Nana, but we're interrupted by the sound of the garage door.

When it goes back down, voices bleed into the house behind us. We turn to see Tohru and Dojima come through the door looking...

 _Happy?_

Tohru looks more at ease than I've seen before, and the way they're gripping each other's hands must have been hard to walk around the garage like that. But they seem like they're in a good mood.

"Hi," Dojima says to us, trying to smile. Tohru holds up a hand, but then his face changes to more of a blank look.

Nana motions for Tohru to come over and he glances at Dojima, who smiles at him, before dropping his hand to walk outside. Tohru shoves his hands into his pockets and walks out to the patio, not looking at us.

"Hey," he finally mumbles.

"So where'd you go?" Nanako asks, sounding friendly— _Really just trying to start a conversation._

Tohru grimaces and Nana's face pulls tight. "Y-you didn't hear where we went?" he asks, his expression turning anxious and his eyes popping open wide.

"Should I?" Nanako frowns, thrown by his reaction.

"Naah," Tohru replies, playing it off with a yawn. "Just taking care of some stuff." He snaps his mouth shut and peers over at me. "...Sorry."

I nod quickly. "It's okay~" I beam.

"No," Nanako sighs. Tohru jolts and she shakes her head. "No—" she tries again. "Everyone's fine, but I want you say more than just 'sorry'." Tohru looks a little panicked, so Nana points to the porch on her other side. "Here—Sit and talk it out."

Once Tohru takes a seat, I lean forward to speak to him. "I'm sorry I made you mad. I only wanted you to help me understand—I didn't mean for it to be a problem."

"It wasn't," Tohru guardedly replies, clearly lying. Nanako rolls her eyes and nudges him. "Okay," he concedes. "It was, but it shouldn't be, all right? I—I don't get it either. Maybe I can tell you once I understand myself." He folds his arms and narrows his eyes.

"It's something," Nana mumbles and pats his arm.

Before any of us can say something else, Tohru's phone goes off. His eyes open wide and he jumps to his feet, pulling his smartphone out of his pocket and jabbing the button.

"H-hello?" he asks, glancing back at us. "Yeah, were you able to find anything?" He pauses and then sighs, stomping on the ground. "No go, huh? ...I don't know, either. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens. ...Heh, yeah. Yeah. Bye."

When Tohru hangs up, he walks back over to Nana and I. "Bear," he says to me very seriously. "Do you know anyone who calls themselves 'Niichan'?" When I start to shake my head, Tohru huffs. "On the internet? Any online friends?" he tries again.

I shake my head more quickly this time. "No," I tell him. "I don't go online much—Should I?"

"Augh," Tohru groans. "It's not _that_. I just needed to know if you _already_ know anyone by that name. I got a weird email," he frowns. "Probably spam—Yeah, spam." He nods confidently now, obviously trying to convince us it isn't something we should worry about.

He jumps onto the porch and walks back into the house. "Okay~ Get me when Onibaba arrives..."

"You _won't_ call her that to her face!" Nanako shouts back, but she's giggling.

"That _is_ a little mean," I cautiously admit.

Nanako shakes her head, grinning now. "It's probably okay. Apparently they get along well—Which I think is what should worry us more."


	102. Old Habits (Kazoku)

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Old Habits

(Tohru)

Ryoutarou is making me fold all of my clothes before I stuff them into my new dresser. He says if he takes the time to make them neat I shouldn't 'be an asshole and _un_ fold them' right after.

 _Maybe this is going to be more of a pain than I'd considered..._

We're almost done organizing—He's also making me keep everything neat, and he was bitching that I don't wear underwear or socks anymore. _What does it matter? He's the only one who'll even notice._

 _So—_ We're almost done when we start to hear an engine slowing down outside. I look out one of the windows and see that a car has pulled up and Yuudai is getting out. Someone follows her and passes over two large trays of food. _I'm interested._

"She's here?" Ryoutarou tiredly sighs from the other end of the room, currently working a few of my shirts onto hangers. He warily watches me looking down at the street intently.

I nod. "Wanna go let her in?"

His eyes flick away from me and I groan. "C'mon," I tell him. "It's not gonna be that bad. She wants Nanako to like her, remember?"

Ryoutarou nods uncertainly. "...I suppose."

"Let's go," I say again, taking the shirt from him and placing on top of the dresser before grabbing his hand. I pull him behind me and down the stairs.

I'm surprised to see that she hasn't even rang the doorbell yet—She must be standing around just holding her stuff and waiting. _Is she nervous?_

 _—Another cute family trait?_

I smirk to myself and open the door with Ryoutarou standing a little behind me, agitated and trying to keep his cool. Nanako and Teddie are still outside, but they'll come in when they hear whatever commotion comes out of this.

"Hello, Dojima-san~" I say to Yuudai.

She raises her eyebrows and nods before pushing her way into the house. _Reminds me of a certain someone the first time he came to my house..._

Yuudai makes for the fridge and opens the door, instructing the person with her to put the food in there, "if there's any room". Ryoutarou huffs and stomps toward them to oversee this operation. Then they take off and we're left crowded into the small kitchen, staring at all the food while Ryoutarou and Yuudai bicker over something.

I motion Nanako and the bear into the house—Nanako looks a little thunderstruck at seeing her other grandmother in the same room. It takes her a minute to wander over.

I tap Yuudai on the shoulder and she barks "what" at me. " _This is Nanako,_ " I try to say in a nice voice, but it comes out all strained.

"Oh, hello!" she chirps, immediately adopting a more formal tone and beaming at the girl. "Nanako-chan! I haven't seen you in so many years—I'm your Obaasan."

"Hi," Nanako smiles so shyly, like I haven't seen since _I_ first met her. _It's..._

 _Well it's adorable._ I can feel myself smiling, too.

The conversation grates to a halt though, as neither seems to know how to follow their reintroduction. Ryoutarou isn't helping, glaring from a few feet away. Teddie actually saves the day by loping over to introduce himself before it gets too awkward.

"I'm Teddie!" he breaks in. "I love Nanako and Dojima and Tohru!"

 _I could punch him to the floor..._

Ryoutarou sighs and steps forward, not wanting to leave the poor kid to be subjected to whatever Yuudai comes back with. "He's Nanako's boyfriend, _Kuma_. He's the one you agreed to stay away from, but the kid wanted to meet you."

She stares at him appraisingly while the bear gazes back, eyes sparkling. " _Definitely_ a shadow," she mutters to herself. Teddie stupidly nods in agreement and Ryoutarou smacks his forehead.

"Kid, you've gotta _keep that to yourself_ ," Ryoutarou sternly admonishes.

The boy stares back at him in confusion. "But she's family..."

"Hah!" Yuudai triumphantly interjects. "It's true—I am. You're fine," she sweetly pats him on the head and I resist the urge to shudder.

 _Everyone always likes the bear._

 _I should be used to this by now._

"But _don't_ tell anyone else," Yuudai stringently finishes after she realizes she's won him over. "Understand?"

Teddie nods a bunch of times before jolting backwards. "Wait—Not even _Kaasan_?" he pleads. Yuudai looks at us in confusion and I snicker. "Or Daidara? Or—"

"He has a _mother_?" Yuudai incredulously cuts him off.

"She's _Kanji's_ mother," I reply and Teddie tries to say again that she's his too. "He doesn't have—" I stop speaking when I catch Nanako glaring moodily at me and see that Teddie appears on the verge of tears, still defending his place with the Tatsumis. Even Ryoutarou is making a sad face like he wants me to knock it off.

" _Whatever,_ " I huff. "Now you know."

Yuudai nods and pats Teddie's fluffy hair again. "It's alright, you can call me Obaasama!" Teddie shrieks in delight, not realizing he's been given the colder term of endearment.

Ryoutarou makes a derisive noise and Nanako corrects the phrasing, eyeing her grandmother more suspiciously. Yuudai raises an eyebrow but doesn't challenge Nanako.

 _Are they... Testing each other!?_

 _Damn Dojima women are scary—Maybe it's where Nanako gets it from._

"Alright," Ryoutarou says, commanding everyone's attention. "Why don't you two sit and the rest of us will bring out the food?"

"Already?" Yuudai asks, clearly miffed.

Ryoutarou nods. " _Yes_. We're having lunch and then you'll be on your way," he says to her. "If it goes well, we can talk." He motions for me to take the food back out of the fridge while Yuudai watches, arms folded.

Nanako gets everyone drinks and Teddie helps her bring them to the low table. Yuudai and I unwrap the sushi and side dishes while Ryoutarou gets plates, bowls, and chopsticks.

And then we're all seated around the table, with Ryoutarou and I squished together on one side while the others all have their own places—Not that I mind sitting clos to him, but he's kind of big. We should really have our own places.

"Let's eat," Ryoutarou declares and chopsticks rush to pick favorites.

I'm not that hungry, so I rest my chin in my hand and wait until Ryoutarou, Yuudai, and Teddie are finished fighting their way through the first round. _Nanako should get better dibs. Though I doubt she cares about something so trivial as sushi. She's probably just happy we're all eating together._

 _Damn good kid..._

I watch while Ryoutarou grabs a few of the expensive ones for his plate and stupid, dumb Teddie eagerly goes for the cheapest shit—All lean tuna and egg.

"Same old kid," Yuudai laughs at Ryoutarou, but not in a mean way. More in a way like she knows how he is— _Like family_. "Always going for the uni and other good stuff first."

"Huh?" he lets a surprised noise escape him. "This isn't—"

Yuudai waves him off. "It's _fine_ —There's plenty."

"N-no, I—" he stammers, turning red. I snicker at his embarrassment, but then the situation is thrust onto me when he switches our plates. "They're—Uni's _his_ favorite, too... I wanted—He didn't get any of the good sushi when we had his party!" Ryoutarou practically shouts.

 _Aww!_

 _That's..._

 _Really cute._

"S-stop smiling at my like that!" Ryoutarou demands, turning away to get his own food.

I start eating, unable to hide my grin and Nanako finally gets a turn. She quietly selects a few pieces and points out which ones she thinks Teddie would like so he'll branch out.

 _It's really tasty—Better quality than we usually get. And there's even otoro!_

We munch in silence for a little while, until Yuudai breaks the easy atmosphere to pointedly ask Teddie whose shadow he is. _This'll be fun—_

 _NOT!_

 _He'd better not fucking tell her!_

"Ooh~ You can't tell?!" he hyperly shouts.

 _No!_

"I'm clearly—" he starts, but then pauses to shriek when I kick him under the table.

Ryoutarou glares at me and kicks brings his fist down on my thigh— _Hard._ I choke a little and cough rice back up.

Yuudai rolls her eyes. " _Moving on._ You're here a lot?" she now questions.

"Yup~" Teddie happily answers. "I even get to stay over sometimes! Everyone is so nice!" He beams at the end while Yuudai and Ryoutarou share a look to confirm that it's mostly in his head.

"I really like it here..." he continues. "And the futon smells like _Tohru_ ~" Nanako bursts out laughing while Ryoutarou makes another pitying face— _Like how pathetic can he be?_

I shoot him a annoyed look— _Don't cling to me!_

He grins back dopily. _Definitely thinks I'm just paying him some friendly attention._

"Nice of him to share," Yuudai retorts.

"No," Teddie innocently shakes his head. "I think he sleeps..." Now he seems lost as to what answer to give. He glances at me hopefully and I sigh, reaching up to yank at my hair. Ryoutarou lightly grabs my arm so I stop, trying to tell me it's okay.

"We share a room," he flatly states. "We're just _storing_ his things in the extra room until we figure out a better place. In fact, this morning we moved all of his clothes to the second dresser, and brought some of the... _Other crap..._ To our room, as well."

Nanako smiles happily at her dad while Yuudai frowns. "That's really..."

 _I guess it's my turn._

"This is a very serious relationship," I slowly tell the woman. "We're working on having me moved to the register."

Her eyes widen, but only for a second. "Oh, _adopting_ at last?" she scathingly inquires.

I flinch— _Hate the way things work._

 _That was also my own response._ I try to reach up and scratch again, but Ryoutarou forces my arm back down and grabs my hand, sighing loudly.

Teddie seems lost, which I expected. But Nanako looks miffed, her eyebrows drawing together because she knows about the— _whatever that was_ —last night. Ryoutarou confidently puts hugs me to him and this would be as embarrassing as yesterday if I my anxiety wasn't already ratcheted up to the maximum I can handle without snapping. " _You know damn well that's not what it means._ "

As the stare-off grows more uncomfortable, Teddie decides to blindly interrupt again. "But my _favorite_ is when Nana stays over! Then she stays in my bed and Kanji cooks for us, or Nanako cooks for me, and we all—"

" _What?_ " Ryoutarou spits, squeezing my side a little too hard— _We all know the damn Bear misspoke. Chill!_

"Uhm... We all watch television and eat cake?" he finishes his previous sentence, smile faltering a little.

Nanako shakes her head while she giggles. "He sleeps with Kanji," she clarifies. "When I was little though, we all slept together in Kanji's room."

"Like a pack of bears!" Teddie adds, waving an arm around wildly.

Yuudai sighs. "Do you even know where your child _is_ half the time?"

"She's not a child anymore," Ryoutarou grunts.

"I take care of _myself_ ," Nanako staunchly defends her individuality, keeping her tone friendly, but adding a touch of warning to all three of us.

"And me," Teddie cluelessly points out, grabbing her hand.

She smiles kindly at him. "We take care of _each other_ ," she affirms.

Yuudai mouths something that looks like "is he simple".

I groan and Ryoutarou shrugs. "They're cute together," he admits. "I like Teddie." The boy smiles so brightly I think I'm gonna go blind. "I—I bought him a mug last week," Ryoutarou mumbles and scratches his arm. "He's... He's really a part of this family."

Ryoutarou smiles cautiously at Nanako and then gives Teddie a hard look. "For as long as Nanako wants him to be."

Nanako giggles again and pats her little boyfriend's arm. "Forever," she reassures him. He grins easily, satisfied with her answer.

When we're all full, Ryoutarou takes out a cigarette and receives a harsh glare from his mother. "Outside," she commands as if in her own home. He stares in disbelief. "Not around children!" she snaps, shooing him to the porch with a wave of her hand.

He leans over for me to light it and then dumbly walks out the door, shell-shocked he's being ordered around in _his_ own home. Nanako snickers, but covers it by picking up the dirty plates. Teddie helps and soon almost everything is in the kitchen. They clean up together.

Yuudai fixes her gaze on me. "How long's he been sober?" she demands in a more hushed tone. I cock my head to the side, wondering how she even knows. "I saw the empty fridge and bags of recycles. I'm not a moron—" She turns a look on me like I'm the dumbest. "So how long?" she probes.

"Just a few days," I shake my head. "Today is the fifth."

"Here," she says, producing a card. "This is a hobby of mine. Some of us have a false line set up. If he gets off the wagon, you call and he'll 'receive a call from someone up the line'. No real trouble, but it'll scare him straight for a while."

I take their card. Only a Tokyo phone number and a last name are written, accompanied by a list of extensions. They're labeled with various branches of government. "Those are our volunteers. Punch the right extension for police, or go further up the ladder—I don't care." She grunts approvingly. "Just happy this is straightened out."

I nod, adding the information to my cell. _How much does she know about what goes on here?_

"Speaking of lines—You've got one of those fancy new phones?" I nod again, even though she's got a good view of my smartphone. "You have an IM address?" She hands me a pen and slip of paper. "Write it down and accept all the invitations you receive."

"Why?" I question, already writing.

Yuudai raises her eyebrows. "Because you'll be glad you did. You get any trouble around here? I don't trust that chief..."

"We're okay," I tell her.

"Hnn, well if you need someone over his head, I'll pass along Sasahara's info. He's my closest contact; a part of Okina. He knows about personas." She narrows her eyes, then balks when she takes a look at the paper. " _This_ is your address?" she incredulously demands.

When I nod she snorts. "Don't beat around the bush, do you?" I grin—I think a little too maliciously.

Yuudai sighs. "We can either get along and pat each other's backs, or make this incredibly difficult. I'm willing to give it a shot, for them. So which is it going to be, Adachi?"

"Well, you can see that I'm not going anywhere, and I've only got one thing to lose. We'll be okay as long as you treat them well," I reply in a low voice. "I know the _only_ reason I've got a second try at this—at _any_ of it—is because of Ryoutarou. And I care about them more than _anybody_ —"

" _'Anybody'?_ " Yuudai challenges, a mocking note creeping into her tone.

I nod. " _I didn't misspeak_."

Leaning forward, I open my eyes wide and can speak through my teeth. "So you would do well to remember that." I pause for a beat, then lower my voice even more. "You _know_ the only piece of evidence that held up in court. I only let myself get directly involved in saving _one_ person."

"Then why not letting me in on how Ryou ended up inside of a TV set?" she retorts, matching my aura almost evenly. I resist the urge to shiver.

" _I have no idea,_ " I evenly tell her. _Will never say otherwise._

"Really?" she marvels. "Because I happen to know that all the fragments of Izanagi grant the wielders electric magic. I've put most of the pieces together, and _you endangered them both_. Do _not_ act high and mighty with me, Tohru."

 _She's right._

 _But if I back down here, I'll be backing down forever._

 _—That's the feeling I get._

" _No._ " I'm final.

I feel myself begin to seethe, my teeth grinding together as I grit out the words. " _Do not threaten me_."

"My cards are already on the table—He _knows_ I'm the one who hurt him. You can't use it against me. I'm not _the_ monster you seem to think I am. Either trust me for real, or forget it."

Yuudai appraises me in silence for a minute. It's long enough that her cold stare makes me wonder if I've miscalculated—If maybe she'll call in the SDF to take me down, or something else equally drastic and melodramatic.

But I haven't. "Done," she finally concedes, extending her hand. "You do as I told you with those numbers."

"And you try to play nice with your son, or you know he'll delete your number from my phone."

She laughs at that, and claps me on the shoulder. _And I think the inquisition is finally over..._

Yuudai stands and walks over to Nanako, and it sounds a though they're exchanging numbers, too. I look around to the backyard and can see Ryoutarou waving me over. I open the door to join him outside, then close it again behind myself.

"What was all that?" he knowingly demands— _Probably saw us glaring daggers._

I sigh in reply. "I'm not repeating it all. Just know that her and I are good for now." I smile up at Ryoutarou. "So don't worry about me, Nanako, the job... Any of it. _I've_ got it taken care of~"

I watch him peer inside to see the three seated at the kitchen table, chatting. So Ryoutarou tugs me with him past where the glass ends. He pulls into a hug while he leans against the house and sighs contentedly.

"You know that you've really helped me today, right? In a lot of ways," he says in a nice voice.

"Yeah?" I ask, even though for once I know I've gotten things right.

He nods. "Yes. I love you; I'm happy with where we are—We're family." Ryoutarou smiles. "Not officially, I guess," he clarifies. "But you know." He laughs a little, shaking his head. "I think _everyone_ knows."

"I know," I agree and kiss him. And it's been so long since I've had _'family'_ —I feel weird and antsy inside.

"Stop squirming," Ryoutarou complains, chuckling and gripping me tighter.

I sigh. "It's uncomfortable—Not in a bad way, but..." I grunt and lean against him. "It's— _It's like_..." I groan loudly and flail my arms. "There are all these feelings that I don't know how to let out!"

He laughs gently this time. "No," Ryoutarou commands. "Hold onto them," he bends down a little to kiss me again and I grumble in annoyance. "They're _good_ _feelings_ —Get used to it," he murmurs against me.

"That seems to be my new job," I agree, grinning sarcastically. We stare for a minute in a comfortable silence.

Until the moment is shot by a slightly muffled yell. " _Where'd that damn Adachi go?!_ " we can hear Yuudai calling from inside.

Ryoutarou sighs and we head back in to see what it is now. Yuudai is carrying her workbag and looking impatient.

She holds up a very complicated mobile and gives me a frank stare. "You and I have a phone call to make—For work. Show me a place we can speak without half the neighborhood hearing. It may get _heated_." I nod and motion her upstairs to my room.

"You, know," I try. "It would be a real help if I could get my hands on a laptop..."

Yuudai snorts. " _Would_ it now?" She rummaging around in her bag. "Good thing I brought this, _huh_?"

As she hands me a brand new machine, I wonder how much she really figures out on her own. _Because it's a little scary how well she works all of us._

 _Like she knows all of my tricks—The techniques I've always used on people._

We sit on the couch and she spreads out few electronics and papers on the table.

"First, I'll give you this." Yuudai hands me a thick folder and I open it. Inside are all of Ryota's papers and other documents. "Does that birthdate look correct?" she casually questions, jabbing a pen at the month and year.

"About five years younger?" I reply. "Yeah, sounds good to give him a head start."

She regards me coolly. "When do you think he came into existence? Does October sound like a good guess? Of oh-eight?"

I narrow my eyes, making my tone icier. " _Thought I told you that I wouldn't know._ "

"But you just agreed that he's about _five years_ _younger_ ," she reiterates, tapping the pen on the date again.

"It's just an _estimate_." We stare each other down for some time before both breaking away at almost the same moment.

Yuudai silently passes me a headset and dials a number. I put it on and listen in while she speaks with an operator. She rattles off long strong of letters and numbers and we're put on hold. "You'll have to memorize your own ID," she instructs. "It changes monthly. There's a program on that spiffy new laptop that'll retrieve each new iteration for you."

"I see," I nod.

"Now grab a pen. We're writing down anything that needs to be checked," she explains. "Being in the same room gives us a real advantage—Though he'll think we're cities apart."

 _Intimidation—Seeming like we're on the same wavelength when we're really just making it up on the spot._

She leans over to the coffee table and writes on the top of a piece of paper. _'Tell me if he's lying about anything. You don't have to actually know the device.'_

I nod slowly. _Device? What am I getting into now?_

 _Is this some kind of hazing—Throwing me onto a call with the briefest of instruction...?_

 _Or, more simply, is my ability to red people being tested?_

I keep calm, try to think about how this job will set us all up for success. That's the important part.

 _We'll have the inside scoop on the government._

 _We'll be set on money._

 _We'll have extra protection._

 _We'll—_

I'm brought back to the task at hand when Yuudai shoots me a smug look at the same time as the hold music gives way to a dial tone. "H-hello?" a man's voice asks. Gruff and strong and _nervous_.

I feel my lips curling back. _I might enjoy this more than I thought._

"Yes, hello," Yuudai brusquely says after a few seconds of the man calling out again. "Ito!" she bellows and I wince, the noise carrying extra-loud through the headset. "Get Adachi on the line— _Now!_ "

She flippantly motions for me to press a button on my device and I do. "Hello~ Adachi here," I sneer. Yuudai rolls her eyes at me.

"Who—Who's _that_?" the voice nervously demands.

"Adachi—We both said his name. He's one of our experts on demons," Yuudai lies, sounding bored. I wrinkle my nose. _I never claimed to be any such thing._

I can her the man breathing into the other line— _Sounds panicked_. _We're playing with someone who seems scared._

" _More people?_ " he growls. "How do I know I can _trust_ him? You all just want my machine!" Yuudai snorts while the man rages on. "I—I don't know _a-any_ of you!" he stammers.

"Oh, I'm sure you know who _I_ am~" I divulge in a singsong voice.

He harrumphs. "H-how would I know who _you_ are? Weren't even on the last two calls—Talk about disorganized!" he stabs.

"I'm a rather _famous_ 'Adachi'," I mysteriously reply.

"Helpful," he spits.

"Ooh I was _all over_ the news a few years ago... Was working in a little sticks town at the time, but I forget the name. Something about a hare—" Yuudai shakes her head slightly, telling me to zip it, that I've said enough.

I hear a gasp and Yuudai raises her covers her mouth so she can sigh. "Adachi _Tohru_?" The man sounds shocked. " _The murderer?!_ You're a murderer—Working with these _government_ —"

" _We cannot reveal his full name,_ " Yuudai tensely cuts us off, reigning it all in a bit. "However, if you explain to him the functionality of this device you claim to have, he will let me know if you're telling the truth. If you are, then we will set up a meeting—And we can help your son."

"I haven't even told you what he—"

"The nature of his malady is _unimportant_ ," Yuudai says in a strongly dismissive voice. "We have plenty of surgeons on staff."

 _I don't think I like that._

She nudges me. "Yeah," I nonchalantly agree, trying to sound lazy and overconfident. "I'm sure they can cure whatever it is—Give us a shot~"

I can feel the desperation pooling off this man even through the phone line— _It's a little intimidating. Like he'd slit my throat to get what he wants, no qualms about it._

After a little more prompting, he finally admits that he has a machine that allows him to summon demons contracted directly to the thing. It's called a COMP, and he got it from an unknown benefactor—Well unknown to him and Naichou, that is.

 _Here's the kicker. The guy was also called 'Niichan'._

When he mentions the moniker, I bite back that niggling spear of trepidation that's trying to get the better of me again. _Can't play this one close to the chest._

 _Niichan already knows too much about me. He also knows Honda and has these machines in his possession—Could be making them._

 _Probably_ making them, I correct myself.

 _I can either fight this with my few connections, or trust Yuudai and tell her about the email. Which may keep it all away from Inaba._

While Yuudai starts to put her phones and gear away, I pull up the email on the laptop. "This," I dully tell her. She gives it a cursory look and then narrows her eyes at me.

"How long were you going to keep quiet?"

I shake my head. "I didn't think they were connected until this guy mentioned the same name. Now I know—Am I just supposed to report all emails directly to you?" I sarcastically gibe.

"No," she curtly replies, taking the computer from me. "You're right."

 _Huh. Am I now?_

Yuudai hands it back after a minute, letting me know she forwarded a copy to someone who can look into it. "At least Honda is onboard. We'll get him and all of you in on Thursday."

I sigh. "Ask Ryoutarou first. He's taking us..."

"About that," she pauses, pulling some papers out of her bag. "He and Nanako need to sign electronic copies of these, stating that they have no idea what you're working on and have no knowledge of other worlds." I stare at her like she's bumped her head. "The wording is not so on-the-nose," Yuudai grumbles. "Get it done, there'll be a copy in your work email—Have then sign on the machine. It's also a tablet." She removes a pen from a slot I hadn't seen yet. "And don't bring Ryou into the facility again."

"But he _has_ a persona!" I complain. "If I'm going to be trying to get people to summon out here, I want him to learn too. For protection."

Yuudai studies me for a minute, appraising how much of the truth I'm telling. _All of it—That's actually what I want._

"Fine," she says. "At least make sure Nanako is legally protected. If my idiot son wants to jump into this, he is an adult."

I roll my eyes, but take the documents. "Anything else, empress?" I jeer.

"Hnn. Make sure your band of misfits knows they'll be staying in the facility Thursday through Sunday, Ryou too if he's to be included. You and I will develop the program along with Ito this week. He'll be sending you a list of objectives."

I nod.

"And," Yuudai adds. "If you can all summon by Saturday, we'll deploy and search for this Niichan. So I _trust_ you'll get everyone up to speed."

"Yeah yeah..." I sigh.

We pack it in and walk back downstairs to find the others. Nanako starts to say goodbye and leads Yuudai outside.

Ryoutarou's sitting on the couch, and he motions me over. When I choose the floor, he grumbles, so I scoot closer to lean against his legs. He chuckles and rubs my head.

"You're awfully damn affectionate today," I remark, looking back at him.

He rests a hand on my shoulder. "What, you don't like it?"

Teddie sits next to me, staring expectantly and totally obvious to our conversation. I huff as I dutifully grab my game from under the couch and start it up. He excitedly looks on. We chat a little about the strategies involved while Ryoutarou keeps absently rubbing my shoulder and sipping his coffee.

When I go to the fridge for come Calpis and to get Ryoutarou another cup of coffee, Nanako is walking back inside. She comes over and leans in to tell me she's thinking of heading to Kanji's for the night. I pour the Calpis into a cup and give her a confused look.

 _Was it something I did?_

"Why?" I ask. "Aren't you happy I'm getting along with your little boyfriend?"

"I want to talk to Kanji," she assertively nods, but then giggles. "And," she starts, still laughing me. I raise my eyebrows. "You know he's still staring at you all gross, right?"

"S-stop it," I hiss. "You're actually embarrassing me, kid."

That makes her _really_ laugh. "Good. Stay on your toes," she mocks me and folds her arms. "But it's been a rough two days. I'd like to get out of here, and Teddie didn't bring anymore clothes."

"Besides my problem with the Bear, it isn't anything else that has to do with me, is it?" I question, feeling a little fearful after my monologue at the cemetery. _Don't want to screw up so soon after all my serious declarations._

Nanako shakes her head. "Nn-nn." She locks eyes with me. "If it were, I'd tell you."

I sigh. "Is it Ryou?" I tiredly try.

"Maybe," she replies. "I've been frustrated with him lately..."

"I know," I nod. "If you need to talk about it, you can—" I swallow, cutting myself off.

Nanako looks at me appraisingly. " _I_ know," she tells me. "Thank you. I know you've been trying to help me—And that you'll honestly listen if I have a problem. _That's_ why I would tell you," she carefully admits.

"Tohru-jisan," she starts with a very grave expression. "I appreciate that you've been trying to help. But you need to know that he's going to have to first figure out what he's doing wrong, or else all the effort in the world won't make him change."

" _You are one..._ " I shake my head, really exasperated. Nanako cracks up again, covering her mouth because I think now _I've_ embarrassed _her_. "Perceptive little brat," I finish and smirk for a few seconds before letting it fall away. "I know," I reiterate. "I'll do my best."

"That's why I love you," Nanako says, she reaches out to squeeze my hand. I wince, grumbling and pulling it away.

"What's taking so long?" Ryoutarou loudly sighs from the other room.

I groan over-dramatically. "If you're gonna _complain_ , then do it yourself!" I yell over to the couch.

As I head back, I see Teddie jump up like Nanako's motioned to him. They go upstairs so Nanako can get her stuff.

"They're staying at Kanji's," I tell Ryoutarou, waiting for some sort of reaction.

"Yeah?" he casually remarks, like this is just normal—Which I suppose it is.

I look up from my game, not really playing anymore. Ryoutarou's staring down at me absently while he sips his coffee.

 _What are you doing? When did you get so lax. You wouldn't even let Nanako go to the store with her cousin before!_

Nanako and the bear come back down chattering away. Nanako fills her reusable water bottle and passes it to Teddie. He tucks it into her bag—He's already loaded down with his stuff and her overnight bag, while she has custody of her backpack. They're out the door in another minute to make the trek into town.

 _Wonder when she'll even come back?_

"Doesn't that bother you?" I ask Ryoutarou, but he's more interested in tugging me onto the couch with him. I shut my game and toss it back underneath, then climb up to my usual perch at the other end. "It's so _different_."

"What?" he snorts. "You don't think I should let her stay at _Kanji's_?"

 _It's not that it's Kanji's—It's that you used to be so on-her-case all the time._

 _It's weird._

I pinch my eyes shut and try to explain without setting him off. "It isn't because it's _Kanji's_ ," I manage. He stares back at me, confused. "It's the change itself—It feels like you've gone from helicopter parent to—" I trail off when I see him grimace. "To whatever the opposite is."

"Are you telling me I shouldn't let Nanako go to the Tatsumi's?" Ryoutarou rearranges my sentence in an argumentative way.

I lean back on the arm of the couch. " _No,_ " I tell him again. "I'm wondering what made you suddenly let her do whatever she wants."

Ryoutarou grumbles and rubs his forehead. He leans forward on his knees and mutters something.

"What?" I poke him with my foot.

" _I don't know,_ " he grunts out. "Alright? I don't know—" He looks over at my kind of helplessly. "I don't know when exactly it happened, but she's there more than here and it's probably for the better."

 _Oh..._

 _This is what Nanako meant. He doesn't even know what the problem is._

 _It's him._

 _It's all him—Or rather: all about him._

"You're too focused on your problems," I blurt. And now he looks hurt.

 _Shit—_

"I mean— _My_ problems," I attempt to fix it, trying to refocus the blame from him to myself, which is probably where it belongs anyhow. Though now he looks downright _angry_.

"I handle what needs the most attention at the moment," he deliberately tells me.

 _But that's—_

 _That's not what I want. I don't want to be stuck in the middle!_

"You can't stick me between you two," I assert.

"You're already there," is Ryoutarou's annoyed reply, and his eyes flash as he says it. "She hasn't needed me— _Not for a long time now._ You did, so I was there." He stares at me for a tense minute, shaking his head. " _Don't_ tell me I'm wrong and I won't lie and say I feel badly about it—I'm _not_ and I _don't._ " He stalks away, rising from the couch and stomping towards the stairs.


End file.
